I wish I could grow my hair out again without society thinking I'm some sort of degenerate or drug-dealer.
People close to me loved my long hair (Cherokee blood for you), so did the girls I fooled around with. Everyone else looked down on me like I was some scumbag or stoner. Two routine traffic stops had cops trying to insinuate that I was 'on something' or a dealer.
I was feeling lonely and thought I didn't have any friends. Looked up the definition of it and all those stupid meme images and it's true. I have no friends at all. The people I socialize with are just that- people. Why do I have to exist when I don't matter
I'm such an asshole. I don't know why anybody likes me. I know what a turd I am, which is why when I feel like someone is getting to like me I want to cry, and I sabotage the relationship on purpose. I am abrasive because it entertains me in the short-term, but when the dust settles and everyone hates me... And they're all right about what they said... I feel like this. I wish that I would die in my sleep. I don't want to feel pain, I don't want to know that I'm dying, I just want to go. May whatever god exists give me a heart-attack in my sleep tonight. Maybe if I were dead there would be one less stupid useless piece of shit on this planet. Maybe I'm holding humanity back. I'm such an awful person. I don't know how much longer I can just deal with it. I can't tell anyone because just look at what a burden this text alone is. I'll likely be ignored again, rightfully so. I post on here so frequently and feel that even people that don't know anything about me avoid the very words I type I am so venomous. I wish I would just die.
I was in a parking garage today and thought about driving to the top and jumping off the edge head-first. The only thing that stops me from killing myself is knowing that there are some poor fools in my life that care about me for some reason. Am I selfish? I tend to think I am concerned for how I am hurting them. I'm so fucked. I wish I would just die. There is no point to my privileged existence. I cannot possibly appreciate all that I have been given. I wish I would just die.
I'm sad because I technically missed out on sex last night.
I had a couple of drinks, took my night meds (they basically knock me out) and smoked a j with my bf, then we went to bed and I fell asleep in between kisses while cuddling. I woke up this morning with cum dripping out of me and my bf told me that apparently he started fucking me, I woke up for like a minute, then fell asleep again.
But now I'm sad that I missed out because I was super horny last night, I was also just super tired.
/adv/ warned me to stay away from you, and I didn't, and now I'm dealing with what is undoubtedly the worst breakup of my life. I still love you and I hate myself for it. You're already dating other guys and I've probably got a long lonely dry spell ahead of me. Fuck you fuck you fuck you
I love you and it's eating me up inside that you'll never think of me as the kind of guy you'll date. All my friends told me to stop treating you so highly and to just act like your friend but I don't view you as just a friend. I really just wish you'd take notice in my feelings towards you.
I feel like I'm stuck in purgatory I'm waiting on a background check to pass that could take up to six weeks. It's been three so theoretically I'm halfway there but it feels like an eternity. This new job is way better overall, better paying, less stressful, less of a toll on my body. But until the check goes through I'm waiting. Trudging through my current monotonous, painful, stupid and underpaying job i'm too poor to go out and do anything for the time being. I've been trying to fill up my spare time with my hobbies but most of my time is spent recovering from work and vegging out. I'm recovering from depression and anxiety, and I really want to get back out there, meet new people and make new friends, maybe get back into the dating scene. but I have at MINIMUM three weeks, maybe more, and every day feels longer than the last. the longer it takes for me to start making enough money to afford going out, spending money on gas and drinks and shit, the more I begin to question if I'm really ready to go out. My self esteem is also recovering and as the days go by, in my head I'm starting to think if I really, honestly stand a chance back in society. I'm starting to think maybe I'm just making up this new found confidence and if i'm really just the ugly loser I always thought I was
I want to fuck my bf's best friend... but not really.
I have a crush on him, but at the same time I love and am IN love with my boyfriend. It's a very strange, ambivalent feeling. I think I just like him a lot and want him to be OK (guy has some serious depression).
He's getting back together with his ex, who's... well, abusive is an understatement. I wish I could protect him and help him somehow, because he's an amazing person but has the worst self esteem. I feel like someone should do something about it because he's wonderful, interesting, and attractive - he could have it so much better. But he won't look for it, he's too insecure. It seems like I'm the only one to notice it, and it makes me want to take matters into my own hands.
Why are all girls so fucking passive? There's got to be someone interested in him, with a crush on him, and they won't do anything about it. He'll stay with her, and he'll get worse. It makes me so fucking sad to see this happen and be unable to do anything about it.
I can't stop thinking about getting a gun and just blowing my brains out any time I'm idle. Which is weird because in my country I have no real chance of ever getting a gun with which to do that. Sometimes I think about more practical methods, but I don't think it's anything to worry about. Thank god for gun control I guess.
(kek, my captcha is skyscapers, thanks for the suggestion).
Ill be on a date with a possible love interest tomorrow. Im pretty sure well end up having sex and have a great time. Thing is, i change my mind so fuckin quickly and so often, i feel fucked up. Like at one moment i want her as a part of my life, the other i feel like no, i dont want her at all. And its not just with her, in my previous relationshis this happened often to, at one moment i felt like i gonna marry this girl i love her to death, amd on the same week i broke up with her, for no particular reason other then the switch just flipped in my mind and i felt suddenly nothing... Whats wrong with me?
Everyday it gets harder and harder to get out of my bed. Thing is, I don't really have a reason to get up anymore. I finally forced myself up and I''m still tired as fuck and I might fall head first on the floor any second now.
Good for you, buddy. No really, good for you. You have your friend who gives you all the attention, and the girl who's unbelievably jealous of him. Don't forget V, though. You should do more stuff with him, too. Good for you, though, you're incredibly loved.
>>16659222 Idle monologues on scrambling my cerebral cortex are blocked in with pistol-butt bluntness. *Alla fine*, abrupt political boundaries will prevent personal tragedy from storming the stage. Practicality was cast understudy to romanticism when I chose my methods. Bittersweet irony strikes when the skyscraper elevator drops mid-trip.
It's so awkward when you send a private text message to the wrong person. The other day I wrote a message, "Hey babe, thinking of U makes my cock hard, can't wait to sex U up 2night" and sent it to my 10-year-old daughter. Imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I'd sent that to the wrong person.
I was shooting dope the last year and a half of our relationship.
I was sharing needles, having unprotected sex with the girls I was using with, random girls on campus, etc... and exposing you to my high-risk behavior. Why do you think I was never around, or cared that our sex life was suffering?
As it turns out, I have a son I recently found out about. I also found out my son is HIV+, and am going to be tested myself. You should probably get tested, but I won't bother contacting you until I know for sure.
It feels good to unload all of this, but knowing my son is going to have such a difficult life... It isn't fair.
Finally, I can say it. It just needed a little more of a push, but I can finally say I'm done with it all. My own stupidity led to it, no mistake there. But I didn't expect the result of this whole experience to truly kill off all interest I have in romance. I gave the idea one last shot, more as a test to see whether my original thought of being incredibly replaceable and a convenient distraction at best would be proven wrong. It was proven right and since the only constant is me, I can settle for not trying in the future. I still maintain that it "didn't really come at my expense" it just taught me to trust my initial thoughts more and to actually take more things at face value. The end of 2015 and beginning of 2016 gave me a valuable experience. To any and all around me, why are you even around me? If you haven't had a reason to walk away yet, you will soon.
>>16660595 Yeah, I already know the reasons but eh. The reasons people are around me are one of two: -Family obligation -I'm the muppet that does things when they ask But for both reasons, people can and will walk away when they feel they should. You can always get someone else to do those things when you need a hand. True, you can't get a new son or brother, but give it time and your absence in their life soon becomes every day nature that they never feel the need to question. So when I focus only on myself and stop doing my little muppet act, they'll find someone else pretty easily. I just want to get well acquainted with the word "No" from now on.
>>16660587 There is still time. Don't give up on love, just don't do it. I say love is a seed. We all deserve true love, you know? We all can bloom. But sometimes a lot of forgiveness has to take place before it can happen. Maybe your kind of flower can only be born in adversity, anon.
>>16660777 Nah, I like to think I can give up now. I don't believe love is a lie or anything that dumb, there are many people that can and will experience love. I wish them all the best. It's not something I wish to dabble with anymore
>>16659020 I know that feel, everyone knows that feel you're just supposed to restrain yourself and get over it. I mean, feel free to make the motions to get what you desire but be considerate of other people's feelings while doing it.
Haven't drank since Saturday night. Almost a week now. Its not a permanent stay in sobriety. Its just to remind me that I can stop at any time and that alcohol does not control me. I am going to cut back on drinking almost daily and just keep it for the weekend. Got a little carried away for a while there. Not going to repeat 11th grade all over again.
>always hang around in the room at the end of the main hallway in my school >always there with the same friend (she's a girl, I'm a guy) >when i'm alone, people never come in to talk >when she is there, plenty of people do. All her friends >they talk to me and are friendly >but never come when i'm alone to just have a chat
I know I' socially awkward and strange but I hold my own fairly easily in discussions. The thing here isn't that they're not coming to me, I know I don't really care about them. It's that I can't seem, despite my effort, to be able to develop a seemingly normal social circle apart from the handful I have more than small talks with.
Also it doesn't help when you're interested in someone and your social status is that of a strange person. People are weirdly interested in who you know rather than who you are. Also having friends in common helps.
I still don't get why you would smoke weed and drink alcohol only to stop doing so. What kind of loser doesn't smoke weed and drink alcohol. I'm shrivelled like a prune at these assholes who hang around us and doesn't smoke or drink. Fucking get out of my site, I won't bother driving you home next time.
I just don't get why people would have obligations to other social groups other than their obligations to me. I just don't get how someone could just forget about you, how they could just stop smoking weed and drinking with you and how they could just live their lives without knowing how much this hurts me. Maybe I'm taking everything too personally but due to my stressful career I have no other way to manage friendships other than to smoke weed and drink with them. I have no time for anything else.
I want to cheat on him. Not because of secret resentment, I just want to feel wanted and alive again. The dynamics of our relationship makes me feel so old and I'm in my early 20s. I feel like my life is over. He is amazing, but he's making me very depressed.
>Doing my last term for my bachelor degree in Graphic Design >Receive scholarship for brilliant performances >Won a contest and is getting an art installment on a mountain with four Michelin stars for the view in every direction >Haven't finished my degree yet, no work, mediocre experiences >Family is not supportive at all of my field and it gives me toxic thoughts. This is taking a real hit on my ego, self-confidence and self-respect >Granma: "Well, what is the plan when you got your degree then? You know if you don't get any jobs you should give up that childish dream of yours and actually do something real with your life." >Teachers tell me there won't be a problem on the job field because I'm "Excellent at what I do and belong in this field."
I know I should not care what my family thinks and somehow it will work out even if I'll have to travel to the other side of the earth in order to get a job in my field. But damn. All this negative energy is swallowing me whole.
I don't need you because you abandoned me to die. I have nothing, no friends no boyfriends and no life. Fuck you, I'll rather be a dyke than to kill myself knowing I'll never be a man. Don't get me started on being 300lbs.
My friend/girlfriend and hopefully future wife would rather be with others than me and I'm scared because I don't know what to do with my life now. I have few hopes and dreams and I don't know if their strong enough to get me anywhere. I'm scared of the future, of my life with no one, with no hope and no one there with me anymore. I don't want to be alone and I wish you'd have loved me the same as I loved you.
All I can do to try and make people stay is by hurting them. My friend that was isolated for 3 years wasn't really isolated, I just kept saying it to myself to prove that he didn't have a life outside of being my friend. All my friends that were ambitious distanced themselves from me and even my own siblings and relatives know I would be dead without them. Yet all I can do is be like this unconsciously, everyone is moving ahead and I'm terrified to realize this. All my loser friends and dropouts are getting their lives together, working and studying. They're getting into relationships that help them grow as a person and all I could do is distract myself from my own goals by being here.
I sometimes get questioned by people around me if I'm gay so I just pretend to call someone else gay. My parents have been short termed in their thinking and I'm filled with an endless pit of insecurity for my own future. I really need help and everyone generally likes me. It's just I think everyone is out to get me when I feel insecure. I have health problems that contribute to this and I'm a bit stubborn. I keep it to myself and my siblings and relatives. It's not working when I feel insecure around them.
I tend to gossip, spread rumours and lie and it's become a habit of mine. It's healthy in my eyes yet others see it as a despicable past time and shy away from me. It makes me do it more to them as to get some sort of revenge. The worst I've done was to my old friend and brother. He left my life so I decided to hurt him for leaving us. In truth he doesn't know and thought the best of us yet we hated him. In retrospect it shouldn't have happened, we were immature and unhappy with our lives.
I'm losing my mind yet he doesn't care, he doesn't care all I'm dealing with is trolls here. Yet I'm unloved and can't love, I'll remind every man how terrible they are. Fuck love. I got a boyfriend and a sex change now. As a woman I never got love.
So you like me...why didn't you ask me out? Why create all this unneccessary bullshit and blame me for it? Makes me think you don't like me after all, which is ok, but then why do you keep bugging me? You know it annoys me, but if'd you actually care about me, you'd simply stop when I'd ask you to. You're not looking for a partner or relationship or even a fuckbuddy. You're looking for a victim. Why?
I'm a piece of shit ingrate with my emotions I know. And you know I'm too emotional why didn't you stop me bro? I should be smiling this brought me closer when I got cut off. But I'd rather be mad for no reason than to cry like the bitch that I am. I've been a bully all my life and I'm just sad I'll die and no one will care one day.
>>16662054 And for as far as I can tell you're not doing it to your friends and brothers. I'm guessing I'm kinda special :) in a not good way obviously. I still don't think you're bad human being, though. But that's probably dumb of me believe. Either way, I still kinda like you, which I don't like.
I'm just a loser who doesn't want anyone around me to improve themselves. I don't like this, it's clear he doesn't want anything to do with any of us yet we're stuck in this limbo we created for ourselves. Any negative or the rare positive response from any anon frees me from my depression.
I keep having this recurring dream. I'm 15 again, and i'm sitting on a couch with my female friend just hanging out. It's always hard to make out but i think we're watching some show. After a while i turn to her and ask her if i could lay my head in her lap. She says in a really caring and warm tone yes. I put my head in her lap and curl up while she starts to gently pat my head as i slowly drift off to sleep. Right before i wake up she says "It'll be alright" and brushes my hair out of my eyes.
I keep having this dream and it's driving me crazy.
I got wasted and pretty high last night, then fell down a set of concrete stairs, knocked myself out, and woke up almost 3 hours later in a huge panic. I then half crawled inside and managed to wake my bf up, only to have him get the shits about waking him up and a stupid fight we'd had earlier. I'm also in pain from getting super sunburnt yesterday.
Today my bf hasn't asked me once if I'm okay, hasn't bothered to help me at all even though I can hardly walk or breathe without nearly bursting into tears. The only thing he did was rub a bit of aloe on my back to help my burn.
I'm pretty sure he hates me and doesn't give a shit about me.
>>16663033 Turns out I was passed out for 3.5 hours. I have a lump on the back of my head, a massive bruise on my face, plus a dozen other bruises all over my body. I haven't taken my meds in a few days, I'm so fucking miserable and in pain.
For the longest time I thought I was the problem. I hated myself and doubted myself tried to make myself into someone I wasn't. As time had passed, I realize that you really were the problem. Your cowardice fucked us. You were a huge fucking pussy. I wasted months and months loving you with all of my heart and doing my best and feeling worthless and unloved despite it all. You're heartless if you think that was okay.
Honestly, all this time I'd been afraid of seeing you, but I did tonight and felt nothing but mild irritation and continued on with my evening. You have such a punchable face. I wish nothing but misfortune upon you.
I'm glad I was able to find someone who legitimately loves me. Who I know is competent and smart. Who has good friends that have never caused me an ounce of worry. He can drive or go out to a pub and I don't give it a second thought. He always includes me. He always wants me there. His friends have welcomed me wholeheartedly into their group and he tells me they always speak highly of me. I think they're all wonderful. They're intelligent and mature and that is a wonderful security. I'd trust them to take care of me or A in any situation should the need arise.
It wasn't me.
I don't remember why I ever loved you in the first place, quite honestly. I guess you were kind once. Or I guess you were just a "nice guy" until you couldn't stand it anymore. Until having to legitimately care for someone with relatively minor issues was too much in your difficult life.
At least my self esteem is slowly coming back after having everyone I meet legitimately enjoy my company. And I learned to trust my gut. I can't believe all that time I convinced myself I was crazy when you were lying. I blindly trusted you over myself because I cared for you. You'd have never done that to me. Ha.
P.S. I've never felt more appreciated while giving head than with my boyfriend.
Fuck these flimsy people. It's the third time in two weeks I've been stood up for a date. I make a lot of effort to clear my schedule and prepare it, then when the day comes I only get silence for an answer. What's wrong with them ?!
My roommate doesn't respect my space. I've asked them to wear headphones three times and just stops wearing them eventually. I'm miserable in the room listening to their dronemind TV and consolebaby garbage. My headset can't suppress all the noises they make.
I've been dipping their toothbrush in my piss and shit, spitting in their shoes, and placing dried up cum in their towel.
Damn, I still can't believe what this person has driven me to.
My girlfriend won't stop putting on The Office all the fucking time. It is just annoying, I don't put on shows she hates and watch them with headphones if I am watching a show she doesn't like. She said she would stop playing it if I watched 2 episodes with her so I watched 3 episodes with her and didn't like it and now she says she was stupid to say she'd stop playing it and constantly does even though she knows I hate the show. I wish I could get her to STOP. Jesus Now she's acting mad because I said I didn't want to watch The Office and wanted to eat a sandwich and watch something else.
I wish I were drawn to social situations. I wish I were attracted to something tangible instead of dream women. In the same breath I wish those same dream women were real. I wish I felt something other than dead inside.
I think I must be a real piece of shit. All of the friends seem to get tired of me at some point or other. I tried to get some uni friends to go for a drink with me about a month ago, but they didn't turn up and didn't apologise for missing it after saying they would show, so I was just stood by the bus stop on my own for over an hour. My housemates stopped talking to me after some dispute with the deposit which I still think was their fault. I think they must have told all our mutual friends about it too, because none of them have spoken to me for months.
I want to try and hang out with my work friends a little more, but now I'm worried of seeming too clingy or pushing them away like I have everyone else. I don't know if there's some unlikable quality in me because no one has ever said anything, but there seems to be a wealth of evidence to support it.
I just wanted to pick someone to share my life with, to devote my whole self to, and who could devote his or her whole self in return. I wanted an equal return for once.
You acted like you could give me that. But then you got bored of it, tired of repeating yourself. But you blame me for it all, accusing me of tainting things in hindsight and putting on airs to relieve yourself of the responsibility of not being to uphold your own promises.
You knocked me up and left without knowing and, after all those things you said about how selfish it would be to keep it if I did get pregnant, because you would be obligated to stay and not be able to do what you wanted to do anymore, I couldn't keep it. I almost told you some days ago but I couldn't do it and said it was just a scare. You have told me how you really felt about everything at least once before. You can't just take it back and pretend it away.
We could have had a normal, nice, boring life. But there is no future with you. You are almost thirty years old and the way you are, you won't get another chance. You always make fun of other guys for being "that guy", acting autistic and delusional, but you were that guy.
I tried to look past everything. I wasn't putting on airs, I was putting up with you. Love shouldn't develop in such an environment, but somehow I came to love you despite the piece of shit you really are. But I couldn't do it anymore, I got angry and resentful because you were the one who put on airs, you were the one who gave an impression you couldn't live up to.
Now I'm here alone again, but I didn't have a choice. It really is too late for you. You really do just go through the motions. You were right. So I give up, on everything. I gave up on the life inside me and on my own dreams so that you could live under the shroud of fiction you have made for yourself. I hope it was worth it. Good for you, I guess.
I hate you bitch. If you put a bag on your head you can finally get your own bf instead of trying to steal other peoples. Not like it's working anyways. Friends usually hang out together and shit but you're too ugly so you get hidden. You could try reading a book on how to be less of a socially inept retard, that and the bag and maybe you can get your own life. Or at least find another 40 yr old virgin to be a fucking loser with
>>16664151 What on earth would lead you to believe I think of him in the moment and not in hindsight now? You sound like you have some issues. I don't think I've ever once thought about my ex while being intimate with boyfriend.
>>16664434 That isn't me, but I never said it was the greatest appreciation I've felt. Just the greatest while giving head. He enjoys it very much. Also I'd hardly call him a new guy as we've been dating a considerable amount of time.
I'm falling really hard for guy who I almost know for a fact is using me.
It's not like I didn't already have my suspicions or that I didn't see it coming, but It hurts. It fucking hurts. It hurts so much, the full realization of it is literally making me sick. I want to cry, but I can't. Some combination of heartbreak and shock is keeping me from it. I'm seriously shaking, I feel like I'm going to throw up. When he breaks things off with me, it's going to hurt like a motherfucker when he baits me with some flakey "Sorry anon, I just don't think we're compatible" excuse bullshit. And I'm not going to have anyone to go to about it, I'm going to have to bottle it because of the circumstances under which we met (okcupid, I was looking for casual sex but he suckered me into hanging out and shit and dating when we're ready).
Fuck, you guys. Someone hold me and tell me that everything's going to be okay.
Why do I always fall for scumbags who treat me like shit?
Saw this bait thread and wondered how some people just lack self awareness and lack emotional maturity behind their prim and proper exteriors. The more you supress expressing yourself the more you hate those that can express themselves anyway. Been on both of those and the lesson is always it's better to think before you speak. They say give someone trust and kindness and see what they do with it before trusting them or ne critical and judgemental until they prove themselves to you.
The natural way is through indifference, understanding and mutual empathy.
The problem here is when people don't learn to agree to disagree.
>you don't fight, you don't care about me! >youre too busy about etc etc, you hang out with x, you are seeing x rtc, you have different goals etc, you dont care about me!
Personally I cut off anyone who brings drama to anyone's life, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt at first but if you keep crossing the line my life is worth more than the stress you bring.
You can onlt be kind and empathetic to someone until you realize they have problems they refuse to solve on their own.
And as for OP, I do that method and it called manning up. People will hate you for anything, you're goal is to bring something of value to any relationship. Set the boundaries and be open, I failed to do that in my past relationships and thats why they failed. Learn and move on.
When my father got married, I believed love exists. I thought, that if my father-whom didn't know his own child for most of its life could find a woman and fall in love with her and agree to be with her forever, then love must be real. Even if he and my mother were never together. Even if nobody else around me could be happily in love. And now, being older and watching everything I've ever known about love fall apart in front of me, including his marriage... I don't even want to feel anymore. What a waste of time it is dreaming; I can't help but want to keep on hoping. Unfortunately, I have no faith anymore. And even if i feel it, though it's unconditional and for everyone and i just give it away, love seems too good to be true anymore. I need time to rest before ever thinking about that again. I don't think there's another loyal human being left.
I want to cheat on her. Not because of secret resentment, but because I've fallen in love for the first time now. I've sunk years of my life into a relationship that just kinda happened. Actually loving someone else has really opened my eyes. Fortunately (?) for her, the object of my affections isn't leading me on - so guilt, duty and obligation are still winning at the moment.
(Actually, I don't want to cheat. I want things to just be over. But that will never happen)
I think I'm going a bit crazy again. Feeling quite strange and while I can control my thoughts to some degree, I don't have much control over their basis. Perhaps this is because I don't desire to have control. Every time I do, I slowly fuck everything up with self delusion, or I try to brute force my way into the mental state I want and inadvertently cripple myself.
I'm afraid of changing the wrong way, but I'm trying to admit and reconcile a lot of old learned helplessness shit I finally turned my eyes to and saw for what it really was.
Nothing feels quite right. I'm afraid of what I might become, I could just slip back into madness again and end up a cluttered husk of a thing wandering around rambling gibberish and terrified of crossing door thresholds.
My hell is me. I don't think I can fix this. I've got too many problems, I've seen too much, and I've been too many people. I sincerely wish I could kill myself. I tried to behave recklessly, and I still survived for fuck's sake why won't this world kill me.
>>16665157 I think the way we view our parents' love lives affect our views on relationship greatly.
When I was in highschool, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. While we were dealing with this, my dad met another man online and left her for him. Leaving just the two of us and me to take care of her. Heartless. I also have a half brother, my dad's son who my dad never even met until my brother was in his late 20s.
Because of this, I'm skeptical of my own relationships, and whether someone could actually be loyal and devoted to me. I try really hard to get past this, and I can relate to you.
I love my boyfriend so much, but I feel like I would be happier single in some ways. I feel like I've sort of put my life on hold to be with him, live in the city where he wants to go to school where there aren't many opportunities for me, and like I don't even do things I like anymore now that we live together. I'm worried that I'm only with him because I hate the idea of not having him in my life, not because I'm actually truly happy in this relationship. If we broke up, it's pretty much guaranteed that we'd never see or talk to each other again, and I hate that so much. But I don't think I'm actually happy here. I don't know what to do.
>>16665274 I'm sorry to hear that, assuming that was meant for me.
I don't have any social ties. The only external thing that stops me is my parents, and to a lesser extent, immediate family I interact with occasionally. Imagine outliving your only offspring, even if the thing is broken and miserable.
It's alright, the hurt will go away if your friend left you. Let your autism be contained within these threads. Nothing matters outside of this unless you really are autistic enough to think that it does. I dumped some friends recently too and the biggest mistake was not them but realizing you can't be friends with everyone.
Not sure why they still clong to me. Maybe its because financially they know theyre fucked in the future.
I know that feel sometimes I'll post as him here just to get any form of attention I never got as a child. I've been cut off by many people for being a negative influence and a financial burden. I just want to run away from my problems by focusing on him.
I feel naked and alone sometimes. I think I'm too honest.
So many people nowadays in everyday situations are just pretending. It doesn't matter who you are it's just about presenting yourself. Just wear the right "mask and suit" for every situation and it's ok.
It doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how much you have seen or how much you have to tell. A good told lie is always more impressive. The content is irrelevant just the presentation is what matters.
I'm not like that I've always been honest and outgoing about me and my personality. Why can't we all just like each other for who we are?
As a nigger and a faggot I agree with this. Not sure how I even landed my girlfriend for acting like a groupie fuckboy. My best friend already is secretly resentful and our group dynamic is somewhat just destructive in general. When will this end, all the losers we used to know are someone now and all I can do is smoke weed and reminisce of what I could have been. I'm autistic too and too concerned about my fragile ego being shattered into a million pieces by a bunch of uneducated anonymous losers.
I went back to 'our' room today. I know I wouldn't find you there and I know you don't share my feelings, but it made me feel closer to you. I wish you cherished it as much as I do and thought of me as fervently as I do of you. And I wish I could tell this to your face as to ascertain how you actually feel about me.
>I will keep her blocked >She will find out >She will ask me why.jpg >I will tell her I finally know what I want, what I don't want, what I need, what I don't need >I want her >I don't want to be just bff with her >I need her >I don't need her chasing me and keeping my mind off of other girls
This ends the feels and I'm free of her. And I don't even care how she will feel about it. I felt bad since november, not anymore.
>>16665723 >You will keep her blocked >She will not find out >She will not ask you why.jpg >You will never tell her you finally know what you want, what you don't want, what you need, what you don't need
>>16664856 went through the same thing with my ex, met like that, eventually developed feelings, she's said okay with a relationship and seemed genuinely in love with me, then one days says she can't do it and she's been using me and never loved me or had any interest in me. It hurt for awhile but look at the circumstances we first met under, I used the experience as a learning experience, you're not going to find a stable and meaningful relationship like that. Sorry it happened though.
I switch between extreme depression and extreme anger. I don't know if these threads help or just make it worse anymore. My friend cutting me off hasn't helped at all. I've always been like this and I just can't help myself due to my untreated anger issues. For some reason my ADD goes away when I think of him. I haven't done anything but refuse to focus on my own mistakes and instead put all the blame on him for cutting me off. Fuck you dude, you think were assholes? Well the real world is filled with them so kill yourself loser.
>>16665946 >I don't really watch TV anymore, guys >Guys, I'm not really into movies, can't we get coffee instead? >I outgrew sports a long time ago, guys
What kind of supershit are you that you won't play some vidya with your buddies? Even if it's not whoa I'm having the most fun I've ever had in my life, you're still bonding a little. Christ, I can't imagine a non-autist swearing off a benign activity like that.
>>16660936 It's not hard to restrain myself, really, because it's not the same kind of attraction I feel towards my boyfriend.
I think it's really just me interpreting affection (friendly affection) as romantic and sexual desire. As I said, I just want to fucking protect and help him somehow, and the only way I think I'd be able to do it is if I were his gf instead of her.
I'm trying to bring myself to befriend him and maybe talk about such things and help him this way, but I'm autistic (literally) and have no friends, I don't know how to make friends.
So I'm just watching as he gets worse and there's nothing I can do.
When will this single mom psycho shut the fuck up and realize that no one is friends with because she's an asshole. No, you're no good for him or any man. No, you're delusional and dangerous to society.
>>16665985 It's league of legends. I don't mind playing games with them in general, it's just that one game I don't care to play anymore. I love playin vidya with em assuming it's a game we all enjoy. But whenever I say I don't want to play a game I have no interest in, it becomes a fucking inquisition followed by a talking shit about games I enjoy.
I'm actually trying to be very careful about not becoming >>16665969 this kind of guy since recently I've been trying to improve my life by not going to sleep at 7am and waking up at 5pm, working on my art (still lookin a little DA tier) and not maintaining the look of a homeless serial killer. Part of that plan means I don't have time for LoL anymore (as well as a few other games like TF2 which they never really got into).
My beat friend had attempted suicide today. I really feel like shit at the moment. I should've helped him when he was down! Now, I'm sitting in the waiting room, hoping that he's still the same person that I knew 8 years ago.
Wish me luck, tonight's gonna change both of our lives..
Thanks to the anon on new years linked the new year, the song. I like it. I got broken up with the other day. I don't know what I'm going to do other than just try to find someone else I hate not having anyone to talk to and I kind of don't I want someone to listen to my piano sometimes I think i'm not that bad anymore I wish i had someone to talk to every day and say good night to and have them actually like talking to me
>>16666157 Best of luck. It's always really scary when someone you love/care about even contemplates suicide, let alone actually attempts it. I hope he's okay! Stay strong, for both of yourself and him.
I paid professionals, you didn't. Enjoy your insanity while I sit back and live my life. I don't have to lift a finger, you followed me here to do all these childish things. Yet you don't know what's slowly happening to you and it's not even me. Sad.
>>16666228 making friends advice i want I would like advice on making friends. Not just strictly in person friends I also would not mind online friends, advice for either of those two is what I seek I am very sorry
finally got over my fear of using phones, only to discover I'm apparently not worth talking to anyway, on the phone or otherwise reminds me of that thing Robin Williams said about people making you feel alone being worse than just being alone I wish I had the strength to just be alone
>>16666362 it was sort of accidental, when people called, usually for things like if they couldn't reach someone I knew, I thought they would feel bad if I didn't answer >boy was I right anyway, at some point I had to make calls for things I had to do, so I basically forced myself because it was important after repeating stuff like this a while the feeling just lessened enough for me to think I'm over it now texting I'm still kinda meh on, sometimes its easier because its like email and shit, other times I get super nervous about not getting a response or getting misinterpreted or something probably not much help
When someone asks me how I've been doing lately I honestly want to answer with "I'm dead inside" and hope they just accept it. They won't of course, hearing this would be too alarming for most people. I'm struggling with depression that's plagued me my whole life. Last week my niece, who was like a little sister to me, died of a heroin overdose. I live far from my home town and have no $$$ to travel. Poor kid had been mistreated by her mom, my sister, her whole life. She didn't deserve to have that life, but that's my family for you. My phone broke and getting a new one was migraine inducing. A friend of mine was being wicked irritating today. Her sense of humor is off and she won't shut up about how great "natural cures" are despite being sick all the goddamn time. Seriously, I've known her for years and she's been some kind of sick the whole fucking time. But hey, western medicine sucks and natural/holistic shit is superior! Please excuse me while I lie in bed for three days because I'm in too much pain to move. Yeah, totally dead inside. That's me
After 2 years I can finally say that I don't miss you. I still miss my life with you though, I miss your family and the friends we had in common, I miss having someone to do things with and who cares for me in that way, but when I think about the last year of our relationship I finally don't start dreaming about going back to it.
The truth is, I appreciate being alone by now, I like not having to make plans or coordinating times with someone every single time I want to do something or go find something. If I want to stay home and play videogames or go out to find something or just go out and walk while listening to music I can do it, and it's a feeling that doesn't stop being amazing.
I don't like that 2 years later you still show up in my thoughts, but that's to be expected since you were my first serious relationship, the way it ended and finally that whole deal where if I start having a crush on someone I inevitably learn 2 days later that she's taken.
I'm tired of being conflicted about this whole situation and about these contradictory feelings but I hope they'll stop soon. I at least am glad that I feel much more complete by myself than how I felt when I was with you.
I will admit there were a few times there where you completely had me convinced. Whenever we hung out it was so good that it was hard not to be. You said and promised everything I wanted to hear and it kept me stringing along. It's so obvious now though that you've been playing me this whole time. Honestly it's hard to tell if you're just stupid and selfish or manipulating and selfish but either way this whole situation is complete bullshit and I'm done buying into it. But really the blame can't be placed on you as I'm the idiot who literally knew you were trouble the first time I saw you but then proceeded to be uncharacteristically dazzled by you like a complete dumbass. We had some amazing times and you made a huge impact on my life for six months but it's clear that's all I'm meant to get out of this. At least I'll walk away with an important life lesson.
Those moments where we're close, when I lean up against you and we laugh and call each other fags? They mean more to me then you imagine. I want to explain to you how I feel, I want to make you understand how important you are to me. But more importantly I don't want to risk our friendship on it. So for now I'll keep laughing.
You're a problem seeker, a problem addict. Nothing will ever be good enough for you. You left Anon because you had problems with him and I solved everything so you made problems with us and go crying back to Anon where you'll make problems there again. It's a negativity complex and I'm over it. There was never anything wrong with my friends or family, it was you. What's it going to take for you to be content? I'm not going to promise you'll eventually figure this out, but you'll never be truly happy unless you do. The world isn't this giant ball of problems you make it out to be, you are. And you create this misery and ruin everyone around you. I can't wait for your relationship to go to shit with Anon and laugh in your stupid fucking slut face you goddamned cunt. I wish I never met you and never talked to you, I was happy before we were together.
Fuck, why don't you like me? I've tried everything, I know I'm good for you. I can help you, lift you up, I can make you feel special. I can be there for you. I'll buy you gifts, I'll take you out, I'll love you unconditionally. The thought of you being with another guy bothers me, im too jealous, he won't be the man i can be for you. Fuck, make it go away. Make it go away.
Sometimes I just can't help but remember things that hurt me at one point and I get all paranoid. One second I'm thinking about how much I like a family member, the next I'm remembering something they said that upset me... Months ago... That meant nothing, in the end. I hate over thinking everything, it's like the logical part of my brain just shuts off, and I end up hurting myself.
I just realize I'm a homosexual thanks for the blowjob L. You're such a know it it all that needs constant validation. I'll give you what you failed to give yourself. Our kindred souls will bring forth love. Lets work on this.
It's weird when others seek validation for their obviously ignorant and one sided opinion then get mad at others who shares another ignorant and one sided opinion about what they think of their one sided opinions.
>>16656416 "Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.
You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.
Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it; their behavior truly goes against reason. Which begs the question, why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?
The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink, if you prefer the analogy)."
All this meditation, my books, my job, my siblings is worthless to me if I don't have drama in my life. All I have are online sites to distract me. No one wants anything to do to me but I'll rather try to pull them bck to my misersy than let them be happy alone or god forbid make new friends and be succesful. I'm a shitty person.
In retrospect it's better you left at least now I can be a better person to my siblings.
If you look up the definition of a sociopath, you'll soon find out what marketers and women naturally have in common. The difference is the marketer or go-getter is faking it to make it in a competitive world whereas the woman is doing it for unevolved biological reasons hotwired into her psychology. One wants to lie to have a better reality whereas one lies to control reality. Notice the difference between a good sociopath and a bad sociopath. At the end of the day you all elect Trump as your next president anyway.
All my lifes work shattered by a friend leaving. I don't understand why I can't control my emotions as a man. We all gossip like girls and our careers rely on communication. Our frail but non existant alter ego and self image is on the verge of collapse. In reality it's not true, I just haven't been meditating and I've been letting my own mind take control. I'm a bit obsessive about negative experiences and given my business I'm very protective about it. I don't positive or even realists in this world. I'm a nihilist and I'm always right after I'm validated.
>>16668150 Oh I'm so lonely I have to come on 4chan and respond to letters by women being hurt by men. Women are just like my mom who didn't love and support me. My mommy just rejected me when I needed her and threw me out on the streets. So I go around looking for women with children to fuck and then hate because I want my mommy. I just want my mommy to love me but she didn't. Why? I'm so broken inside.
Women will rather stir up a commotion than face that they are sociopaths. She'll used attacks thay has nothing to do with anyone personally but is just her projecting her own fears of abandonment and lack of worth onto men who have rejected her for the very same reasons.
Hah, sounds like my ex. She got rejected by her mom and now is on 4chan spitting tripe about how men are so terrible. Jesus Christ help her future boyfriends. The most terrifying part is she is one of those teen moms and I shit you not I married her out of necessity.
Sorry if I'm a dumb bitch of a woman in your eyes. I don't go out of the house and all I have is 4chan. I can't compete with a fleshlight if a man had to pick between us. I'll complain here rather than raise my children. I'm a fuck up.
>>16668249 Hey that sounds like me! But my kid's at my MIL's so i'm free to complain here all i want
To be honest, it could be worse. I could be a porky autistic manlet who thinks he's better than everyone else. Fuck at least there are two people who love me, that's two more than what he has! A fleshlight won't tell him how talented he is or how handsome he is or comfort him when he's feeling down.
I just thought of something. Do you think there'd be a market for a talking fleshlight that offers premade messages of emotional support and encouragement?
>>16668277 oh, yeah no i'm not single but to be frank, even fat girls get love manlet weebs don't sad fact, it's a buyer's market out there for us ladies. we can be free to pack on a few pounds, you're free to do so as well! as long as you're funny and rich :) maybe you can get a single mom to fall for you...ahaha oh wait you don't like single moms!
I've committed myself to my girlfriend pretty much, went the whole nine yards and told her I loved her. She'd been saying that she loves me for a few days now at the end of text/phone conversations and stuff, I'd get away with not saying it by saying something sweet instead. >finally say 'I love you too' >"awwww you finally said it, this is great!"
I want to post a photo of me to have honest blunt opinion about how ugly I am, what I could change, or if a few people would still fuck me but I know some classmates and coworkers browse 4chan and I'm afraid my picture might get reposted because Im teally goofy looking.
that denial, I'm 5'4 at best and landwhales orbit me all the time. maybe they think they have a better shot at shorter guys but usually they are crazy. thats why they got fat in the first place. listen to your ex and friends here for once.
>>16668333 what ex? i don't need to listen to anyone, really. i'm married.
i'm just regurgitating every complaint that i've heard on this board and elsewhere about women since its fucking inception
*sniffle* w-w-women only want tall guys they have it so easy! even fat girls get laid! m-m-muh vagina power!
etc. etc. poor me
but of course that all changes when a woman actually points it out, doesn't it? suddenly for your own image's sake, women don't have it so easily. Well i'm too good for those errant planets, even though I'm a midget, I would NEVER give those fatties the time of day!
What should I do? I don't know how to relationship with my own parents, I feel like such a failure. I just want freedom but I don't feel like I can have it, or even like I deserve it. I feel awful all the time.
>>16668263 I've enjoyed all these letters you've written to yourself that make no sense. What I hit a nerve? Mommy didn't love her baby boy enough to save him from being a criminal. Boo hoo baby boy. Better get yourself a new mommy. Oh, wait. No, eventually she'll leave you too.
I'm tired of wasting hours of my life doing nothing, stayin awake up to 6 in the morning on the PC, sometimes just staring at the blank desktop without shit to do Even if I find out something, I might not have enough motivation for it, then fuck I won't do it and I will keep feeling boring and boring and boring, that's the same fucking shit every single day Then, I wanna play something Online, the fags aren't available or just are doing something else then I keep staring the Desktop screen for more and more countless hours without shit to do, ahh, cmon
>>16665275 My mother dealt with men using her for her money and trying to take all of what she had worked so hard for. Ten years after her third marriage, she lives alone in a mansion on a mountain. Love was never meant for her.
Within my last three years as a man, I realized how much alike we are. We're headstrong, determined, argumentative; airheaded eggheads that rely on knowledge and ignore wisdom and personal experience.
But I've been trying to become more self aware, more self-conscious. I want to break this cycle of love pains and heartbreak; I want to be wise one day.
I might end up a hermit like her, having everything ever wanted earned through hard work; mountains and mountains of things filling a desert mansion. I'm just working to have someone to say "Fuck the world" with, maybe have a few runts to flip off the horizon with us. Fuck never seeing my kids, sending emotionally abusive messages and then texting "I love you" every morning when they stop responding. I'll be a fucking father. You can go burn in hell, Dad.
Mom was there, saw me become a man. I'll watch my kids grow until my eyes turn to dust, and if that happens, I'll use my ears to hear their progress.
>come to /adv/ >people confessing online about what's bugging them >see fat bitches, short, ugly men, and married women all arguing with each other
Next time you read a letter thread and you start to think that it might be for you, do yourself a favor and realize just who frequents this board. If it ever was for you, it's probably the least attractive person you know.
>>16670027 yeah you got your outliers but look at this mess, 5'4? what kind of man is 5'4? you're in that horrible zone where you can't be considered cute and funny like a proper dwarf (thanks, game of thrones), but you're too short to be considered a human male
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