does anyone know how to summon a REAL Cthulhu? been looking at

Do you really think there's a real chtulhu?

I haven't laughed this hard at a post in a long time.

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>>19448290
Why the hell would u want to do that shiat ?

>>19448290

OP, it is us, ourselves from a future divergent time stream. Unfortunately, this https://youtu.be/JyHMHjbwJKA is the best we have managed six gorillian years into the future.

>>19448290
When you say "a Cthulhu", you really mean "a shoggoth". Read "At the Mountains of Madness".

>>19448306
t. a nautical negro

>>19448290
>been trying to summon a top-tier mythical being
>been looking at magicks for 8 hours
>already frustrated

Cripes man...

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>>19448301
;)

>>19448290
>It may already be happening
>Ever heard of the "bloop" sound?

I would like to know how to summon a Zeus, or maybe a Odin? I've been searching for 5 minutes now, and can't find anything. Halp.

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He is dead

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>>19448795

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>stop time

TOKI YO TOMARE

ZA WARUDO

WWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>19448410
tfw he still can't swim

>>19448795
>>19448802
it's just an ice
or i am blind and can't see something important ?

>>19448290
LOL
man, this board is 49.5% retard larpers, 49.5% conspiracy flat earth level retards and 1% of people whos actually a practitioner and no, you can't turn a table into a hot girl or summon actual cthulhy

>>19448434
this lol
even if summoning cthulhu was possible if would take multiple decades of devoted work of not just one person, but muliple people, possibly dozens experienced practitioners

>>19448837
>you can't turn a table into a hot girl
dude you can't do this to /x/ users !

>>19448828
eh, it implies that it's remains of some kind of giant fish because it kinda looks like snake/fish skeleton if you look hard, but it's most likely something else, maybe some kind of natural thing or something
after all these pyramid-like things you see in Antarctica are actually top of the mountains

>>19448851
even if such a creature would exist it wouldn't resemble a fucking overgrown tuna

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>>19448290
Don't know who keeps deleting my posts.
Maybe someone can find it.

>>19448290
You stupid fucking twat go outside and do something with your life that isn't researching a completely made up creature

>>19448290

47°9′S 126°43′W

Coordinates for Rl'yeh, the sunken city that Cthulu lives in

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>>19448795
>>19448802
You see ribs, I see an eye.

>>19448990
Skull right next to that.
47°05'09.6"S 126°58'22.4"W

The only way to summon Cthulhu is to actually pronounce his name correctly.

>>19448290
We can't have sex with it, so we're not interested.

>>19448290
askhereforhelp
>>19444025

>>19448290
Is this summer particularly long and hot or is it just me?

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The closest thing to magic that normies (most people, including you) is by practicing kung fu. meditation, tai chi, etc. Most people can only control the physical world so it would make sense that to become a wizard of the third dimension you need to assume your final form and become superior in strength, alertness, and skill. With physics, nothing is impossible.

FYI I don't believe it is possible to "gain" powers if you aren't born with them. Though it might be that some people never discover they have a power and it could really be anyone despite what they're making of this life. If you think you have somehow gotten powers it just means you've activated them, discovered them. Even some of the most devout monks may never experience something paranormal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0t166flodQ

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>>19449319
this
same way you summon anything
you gotta call it up

>>19448869
ikr this shit is fucking retarded

>>19449166
you're not the brightest, are you?

>>19448990
>That's where the "bloop" sound was recorded.
>"Bloop was an ultra-low-frequency and extremely powerful underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in 1997.[1] The sound was consistent with the noises generated by icequakes in large icebergs, or large icebergs scraping the ocean floor, but in 2002 it was said to also be consistent with large marine animals.[2]"
This stretch of Ocean is also the furthest point on the globe away from any land or civilization. Which is why it's used as a crash landing target for satellites and space debris.
IF you wanted to wake Cthulhu, I can't think of a better way than crashing space debris into his place of slumber.

>>19448290
One can't summon A real Cthulhu. But if you want to summon THE real Cthulhu, I suggest you real The Epoch by Pete J Carroll. His instruction are clearer, and have been more used, than the Necronomicon.

>>19448290
Summon him using Simon's necronomicon, I promise it's safe.

>>19448338
Aaaaand I neared peed myself.

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>>19448803
fuck off faggot

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>>19448290
Does anyone know how to summon a REAL batman? been looking at magicks for 8 hours and i KNOW there is somebody on this board who can stop time, summon succubus' and transmorph an ordinary table into a functioning sex slave waifu. I've seen the threads.

>>19448338
Thanks for properly labeling that.

>>19448354
fuck you this is my favorite Lovecraft story, you beautiful bastard

>>19448354
I hat a nightmare with shoggoths one time. I was in a building overruned by zombies, hiding in a little room. In the small opening of the door, where I watched the zombies, I saw some shoggoths coming. It was horrifying. They ate the zombies, which don't realized their presence at all. Realizing I was now in a building full of shoggoths, I woke up from this nightmare.

>>19452559
it involves putting a flood light on your roof with the bat symbol I can't go further into detail this is high level top secret.

I'm genuinely surprised anyone replied to my very obvious and clearly instigation prone bait. I can't be the only one sick of threads like "does anyone know how to summon ---"
None of you could summon anything. Magic is the oldest meme. Please try to deal with your problems instead of relying on universal intervention through manifestation.

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Seeing as cthulhu is a fictional god in a series of stories by H.P Buttcrack, its not exactly possible to summon things that arent real

>>19453762
God is not real, yet people around the world summon him.

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>>19454078
here you go

>>19448290
Just shut the fuck up immediately.

>>19453564
>magic is a bad, convoluted way to solve human problems because it gives a false sense of connection individual/universe
Buddy, just because this isn't the most efficient doesn't means it is a bad hobby

>>19454095
I could have talked about Spock, but fewer people summon Spock

>>19448290
>summon
He will awaken when the stars are right.

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>>19454108