Quite recently I have finally come to terms with the fact that I could never achieve happiness through any materialistic means. There is nothing that this world can seemingly offer me. Naturally, I turned to meditation, yoga and esotericism in hopes of finding that which has been missing from my life for all this time. However, often times I doubt myself so much that it's unbearable. Often times I think that I'm simply screwed up and I'm projecting my desire for transcendence, which has always been with me, onto the entire world, and that I am indulging in philosophies and doctrines of other people like me. Sometimes I'm afraid that we are simply using our imagination to alliterative the pain of living a ruthless, meaningless existence. On days like that I feel utterly overwhelmed with sorrow and grief, and simply existing feels like it requires titanic effort. In those moments I feel sorry for everyone and everything and that sadness leaves me totally paralyzed and hopeless. My intuition tells me that there must be more, but on days like these I even doubt my intuition and wonder if it's actually just the wishful thinking of an overly-sensitive half-insane man.
How do you deal with these moments /x/? How many crises did you have and how did you alleviate the pain? Have you ever felt that presence of the divine that comforted you and soothed your doubts? Tell your story if you wish. I'm sure that all of us could use some reassurance in our times of need.
I was a lot like you, but now I know. Answers for some questions dont exist and even if they did. Would you really believe them?
>>19446726
But aren't we all like OP?
I can't even trust my own judgement apparently as I am a diagnosed schizoaffective, whatever that means desu
I just feel hollow, as I have lost every friend I had since I started to fall into the abyss.
I need to know why, have I fucked up so much that I deserve it? If so then okay but fuck me if this doesn't infuriate me the more I think about it.
>>19446375
Continue to seek knowledge
The Middle East is cursed
Raw Oil is the Black Sun
>>19446757
Apparently if one reaches enlightenment one should know the nature of death, life and being. For the unenlightened, there's no way of knowing if all of that is just a meme or insanity though. We are completely in the dark. It seems that faith is the only answer, yet I'd say that faith hardly satisfies the human mind. I'm just sick of living in the dark. I can see my own end and the end of everyone and everything I've ever loved. For other people, death seems to be a distant possibility. For me it feels like it will happen any second. The anxiety is simply too overwhelming. Just like you I've lost so many people as I turned more inwards. Which is why I started this thread. It's not like I have anyone to talk to, nor would they understand me if I did.