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wrote a paranormal story about a musician who sells his soul to the devil, i think i have a pretty good twist 2/3rds of the way though, would like a review of this
Looking for reviews for my story
3000 words
"The Great Gig in the Ground"
A struggling musician sells his soul to the devil for success and fame. I think it has a really good twist 2/3rds of the way though, would love some criticism,
this is a first draft so there may be some errors I will fix later
https://pastebin.com/G9WXNZd6
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Definitely change the name of the book. Try to minimize the amount of dialogue as much as possible, unless you write dialogue really well - you don't.
One thing that draws people to paranormal stories is the mystery, the unknown, something you can feel or anticipate but can't really put your finger on. This is what's mostly lacking in your story, it's all very straightforward and on the nose. Now sure, it is possible to write a good straightforward paranormal story, but not when you choose a cliche topic like a musician selling his soul (unless your prose is extraordinary, but let's be real here)
So yeah, relax with the dialogue, let the story tell itself, don't push just outright information/explanation onto the reader and if you're choosing a cliche subject - figure out how to make it fresh
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