how do I summon a jesus? party is kind of lame, the alcohol

He likes to be pleased, get on your knees.

Call him by his true name.

The Divine Autogene Gerradamas.

Son of Barbelo and the All.

he btfo'd a long time ago after all his followers were in their 30's and were still asking questions like "but how do I stop masturbating whenever I look at titties?" he got sick of all y'all

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>>19383089
>how do I summon a jesus?
>party is kind of lame, the alcohol is gone, only water left over, so.. I was thinking that if we summoned a jesus, we would get a load shit of wine

Jesus can't really turn water into wine - that's just a white lie because of the murderous lies of the Torah.

Play with hellfire, get burned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkf1sHFvYO8

>>19383089
Jesus preferred weed
Also he only appears in dreams you needy bastard

>>19383641
nigga what?

>>19383089
He needs a lot of attention and praise. So be sure to include that in the incantation

>>19383089
Go down to your local home depot and ask the brown guys outside, those jesus know how to party

>>19383089
Try to summon "The Apu-apustaja". Then you will understand, my son.

Jesus is brutally overworked, summon a different sidhe.

>>19386129
He should get a secretary

>>19383089
NEXT TIME BRING BACKPACK
PUT 1.75 OF LIQOUR IN BACKPACK
BE THE JESUS

>>19385996
Yeah, they can build you a house too.

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>>19383089
You have to smoosh your poo's up with cum and hairspray, then leave them to harden.
Once ready smash them and use the pieces to make chip cookies.
If done correctly, Jesus will arrive to eat the cookies, during that time you may ask him to do a dance.
Hope this helps, good luck anon.