How do i get a spirit out of my house? My girlfriend is wanting

just have loud sloppy sex and scream; "BITCH ASS SPIRITS, FUCK OFF

Just ignore this "spirit". They typically fuck around with people who show fear towards them.

>>19237854
You have to grab your Bible and pray like there's no tommorow

>>19237854
One of my friends claimed to have a spirit in his house.

We had like a four day party and a group of us tried to get the spirit to party with us . I offered it a 40 and cool Stetson I found from my friends grandpa's calvary days. The only response we got was a door slamming. I went in to try and coax it out to party and nothing happened.

A week latet I asked my friend if random doors were shutting/weird noises still happening. He insisted that it must of gone. His grandpa claims the stetson must of spooked the ghost out.

So try partying with a stetson on.
Just don't go wear it out in public with any rank on. Don't want to see you in a stolen valor video OP.

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You know more than well what to do.

>>19237854
Don't cross the streams.

>>19237854
Call a priest, or it's not going to go well. Challenging them directly gives them a legal right to make your life miserable.

>>19238004
Which law book, chapter, page, law, paragraph says this?

>>19238004
>Legal
I was not made aware of ghost law

>>19237854
post pics of your gf

>>19238023
Shes at work and rarely txts but i will try and have her send a pic of the cut asap

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>>19237854
Just don't call the girl ghost busters...

>>19238023
Yeah we want to see the cut and it will help if she is topless

>>19237854
Okay. Jokes aside just in case you aren't fucking around. I've read somewhere that if you believe that something would be a good weapon against spirits, they will believe it too. Be it a gun, dagger or a fuxking toothbrush. Just take it, pray over it, sprinkle it with some holy water or some shit. Do whatever makes you believe it's effective.
Then when you hear those noises again just take it in your hand, stand up and tell it to get the fuck out
If that doesn't work, calling a priest is your best bet

>>19237854
If your willing to take a dive to believe in ghosts then why not also start believing in god and start arm yourself with some crucifixes?

>>19238123
OP here

No joking here - sounds great, i just don't want to piss it off. My girl had her crucifix in her hand yelling for it to "get out" and how "god doesn't want you here" and how it "can't harm gods children"

she ended up getting scratched so wtf

>>19238123
>gfs 18" black dildo is logically the only thing in the house scary enough to ward off ghost
>OP running frantically around living room waving giant black dildo, shouting the Lord's prayer angrily
>Success
>OP travels country with new trusty exorcism-ready cuck-wand

I smell a sensational new Netflix series on the horizon.

>Plot of Supernatural S12E18

>>19238163
it's just testing you bro, if it's "fighting" back you must be hurting it

>>19237854
>How do i get a spirit out of my house?
>I'm not religious
really ? well i guess this is a bit awkward for you

>>19238201
OP here

I'm agnostic, I'm open to spirits as much as i am bigfoot.

>>19238123
>>19238159
Yeah, OP? This is starting to get a bit serious if indeed this is happening. I third this suggestion on getting a priest if indeed this is happening rn to you.

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>>19238023
OP again

Heres a pic of the cut, i know it's tiny. I told her she probably scratched herself in her sleep but she says thats never happened to her.

>>19238259
We need to check her tits to further assistance.

>>19237854
>clicking noise
>wet noise
>creaking noise
These just sound like normal house noises

>banging
What kind of banging noise? Anything out of the ordinary? Also, you don't sound like your convince that there is anything abnormal. What do you personally think? As far as you gf scratch, doesn't seem out of the ordinary.

>>19238339
Agreed the sounds appear natural when reading them but what was odd was i got up probably 5 times that night - Each involved looking for the source of these noises.

There were 3 times where i turned on the light and sat on my bed for about 10 mins each - didnt hear a single noise. When it was dark there would be a noise every 5-10 seconds. The most prominent was a clicking noise, best way to describe it would be like that of a nail being trimmed by trimmers just a loud sudden click. I know that sounds like total bullshit about the lights being off and there being activity and then i turn them on and it stops but thats simply what happened, hence why we slept with the lights on.

The banging was just random misc bumps, sort of like the sound a 2lb weight would make when dropped. These were the most rare sounds, only happened 3 times or so.

Again, i know this all sounds retarded, I'm just looking for advice on how to get the shit to calm down

>>19238307
Agreed, it's really the best way to tell if any paranormal things are happening

>>19238163
Guess we have a script for a 2018 reboot of Constantine

>>19238448
Yes and ass/pussy pics will help speed up the process.

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>>19237854
Be insolent and aggressive towards it. Believe in it, but don't fear it. Its goal is to fuck with you to feed on your fear and your dumb fucking girlfriend is giving it exactly what it wants.

Be as edgy as possible. Get an ouija board and communicate with the ghost. Half-way through the session take off your pants and shit on the board. Once you know its name you can flop out your dick and furiously jerk off while screaming obscenities with its name attached to them.

Make it cringe, make it scared, make it go the fuck away.

I've encountered this thoughtforms before. They work on the wavelength of the "fear" emotion. As long as you fear it, it won't leave. Learn to focus and project love in everything you do. Learn to meditate and project your aura for protection around you. The only way you communicate with it is through thought and emotion, so use it and learn to focus. Once it realizes there's no place for him anymore, it'll simply leave.

If that doesn't work, pray for help. Pray as hard and long as you can, I promise help will be provided.

>>19238959
Wrong
>>19238944
Correct

>>19237854
Why are spirits like this such fags? What is thier purpose? Why must they taunt the living?

>Kill yourself
>Become ghost
>Fight him out of the house
>Come back to life
Done

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>>19238944
This guy know.

Anyone post the screen of lifting bro please. Its fucking gold.

I found it but is not complete.

op, live post the haunting so we can help in real time

>>19237854
I've read here on /x/ that masturbating when they manifest will drive them off, permanently.

>>19237911
maybe some of the demons who bedevil religious people are actually angels play-acting for the benefit of the faithful. Because for a human, getting to say, "The power of god compels you to leave this place!" is actually pretty cool.

>>19237854
>"BE GONE DEVILS GOD DOES NOT ALLOW YOU HERE!"
That would be incredibly rude if they're not even demons.

I dunno, sage? Holy water? Maybe some spook therapy, get them to cross over?

>>19238213
So you're asking us how to get bigfoot out of your house?

>>19237854
If its a ghost,what you gotta do it a little nasty. You gotta burn the remains.

>>19237854
if its a demon go for the prayer of St. Michael in Latin,an exorcism basically.

>>19240110
That is the most BA thing I've ever read. Thank you for this anon.

>>19237854
Step 1: Pull the sheet off of it
Step 2: Profit

>>19237854
1. Film it
2. Put on youtube
3. XXXXXXXXX
4. Profit

>>19238259
Is your gf lorde?

>>19238259
Did the demon give her a black eye too or was that you?

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You should ask Lance Stewart on Youtube who is also totally being haunted.

>>19237854
WOW amazed at all the ignorant advise in here.
> If involved, stop any and all occult practicing or readings
>Buy extra virgin olive oil ask God to bless it
>Dab blessed olive oil on door posts in house
> Order anything evil and negative out of your house and life in the oh so powerful name of Yashua-Jesus the Christ

Do this and get back your peace

>>19237854
Very simple OP

"In the name of the Father of Abraham, Isaac and Joseph, I ban you to the abyss from which you came."

In Christianity spirits can not harm the flesh unless you give them access to use your body as a vessle. You're alive, the church is in your heart they shouldnt be able to fuck with you unless your faith is weak, then spirits are testing you. Thats my advise from a Christian perspective

>>19237854
get him a succubi. should cheer him up.

>>19243672
Skipped your meds today?

You need to PRAY, OP.