hey /x/, ask a professionally diagnosed schizophrenic osdd-1b

>>19086099
I'm a girl btw

Do you believe humans accessed eternal life technologies thousands of years earlier than now?

>>19086126
its possible, im not going to rule anything out
im a bit skeptical that we wouldn't have heard anything about it but it wouldn't be the first time the government hid something seemingly supernatural from us

how did you end up getting help and how long did it take you to acknowledge you needed it?

>>19086099
hallucinations?

what is your most profound experience with this?

>>19086152
i've had symptoms since i was about 8 years old when my initial trauma occured and triggered the system (my hallucinations started a little earlier than that). most psychiatrists don't diagnose until you're minimum age 16 so i was without a diagnosis for most of my life even though i was in therapy for it to make life a little easier(im almost 20 now)
i wasn't aware of the system since before i was on medication i had black outs when others fronted, but my parents were concerned with my behaviour so they brought it up to my therapist. i didnt personally notice it until i was around 15 when i went on facebook and saw posts and conversations where i acted strangely and didn't remember

>>19086162
before i was being medicated for everything i would see full, detailed, and vivid humans that would follow me around. between the ages of 6 and 9 i had a woman with long black hair in a green dress that followed me around. i remember standing in my bedroom and looking out to the backyard to see her staring directly at me. i ran downstairs and went outside to see her gone. i can go more into my experiences with her if you're interested but that was the first one that really unsettled me

>>19086183
yea definitely interested.

I'm in an acute partial hospitalization currently (bi-polar II). I hear the other clients stories with their hallucinations and such, they seem to be very intense, even life threatening at times.

One thing I find extremely interesting is the theory that individuals with this diagnosis are actually more "in tune" with the universe and are "half in half out" with this present reality and others.

>>19086225
i was in a few hospitalizations and they didn't really work for me since they were mostly meant for teens with depression and anxiety, but i hope it works out for you
yeah i've heard lots about that from peers and coworkers who know about my schizophrenia, and while i think its interesting i think its important to understand that they're seriously traumatizing sometimes and making light of it/writing it off as ~spoopy happenings~ can be pretty lame
i think my worst time with her was tied with a weird paranormal experience that makes me nervous to this day. it was my 13th birthday party and i was saying goodbye to a bunch of my friends when we found a dead mouse in the middle of my driveway. we were all pretty grossed out and got my dad to get a shovel to pick it up so we could bury it in the backyard
when we got to the back and started digging a hole however we heard this loud classical music that seemed to be coming from all around us. i said it was probably my neighbors and we kept digging only to reach the skull of a cat about 2 inches deep. naturally, being a bunch of preteen girls, we jumped back and screamed
when i looked around my yard i saw the woman in my treehouse staring at me again. i screamed and my friends looked to see her too but she was gone again
i havent been in that tree house since, and rarely go into my parents back yard since i live in the city now

>>19086099
what is the deal with schizos and notebooks full of diagrams and notes and shit? do you get delusions that you're figuring the universe out and need to write it all down, or something?

>>19086264
since i was medicated from a youngish age my delusions never got that severe, but when i was 12 or 13 i took black paint and painted weird shapes and seemingly random words on my bedroom wall. i dont remember doing it but my parents were furious with me. my brother went to college the next year so i covered it with a poster and moved into his room so i wouldnt have to see it anymore

>>19086260
thanks i hope it works out as well

that experience is wow, seems very traumatizing, should write them down somewhere if they don't cause triggers
I would read the shit out of that

>>19086144
Maybe it was hidden, but I tend to think it was just so complicated to access the technologies without the help of those already accessing the technologies. Plus the humans accessing eternal life technologies probably couldn't ensure enough safety to live among humans not accessing eternal life technology excepting while family, friends, and acquaintances come too. These events might be rare. Maybe like how families gather during holidays but live far from each other any other time. Do you think they consider making our eternal lives is a holiday for them?

What were/is your most recurrents delusions?

>Also
Not paranormal

>>19086362
yeah sorry i just needed a place to talk about it and knew /b/ would be unforgiving. you guys seem to like freaky shit anyway
i recently subletted my apartment because i was sure my roommate wanted to kill me. i stayed locked in my room all day except to go to work and use the bathroom twice a day. i would hear banging on the walls and his crutches going to and from the kitchen could trigger panic attacks. alongside then when i walk alone at night i have this clinging dread and like... i dont know how to describe it but it feels like any second someones going to reach out and grab me. the longer i walk the worse it gets and by the time i get home i need to take a hot shower to get rid of the feeling of arms around my waist

>>19086362

>Also. Not paranormal
Is it possible that it could be paranormal rather than a mental illness?

Are you jewish? This could be genetic.

>>19086599
nope. white as can be and raised catholic

>>19086362
>What were/is your most recurrents delusions?
I'm often gripped by the idea that an undead jewish carpenter can save my soul from eternal torment, so long as I drink his blood and eat his flesh

>>19086173
Was your strange behavior like you were acting like a different person? Could that be the real you?

>>19086381
>i walk alone at night i have this clinging dread
So how often do/did you do that? Or was it just a one time thing?

You said you saw a women with some regularity right, at least when you were younger? What did she look like, can you describe her at all? Age, height, weight, etc. Looking back, did she resemble anyone in your family? Have you looked through old photos to see if she could have been a cousin or something that you met at some point? Was she attractive at all (I get you were a kid, but even then you can tell attractive people apart from the uggos)?

I guess you're on some pretty serious crazy pills these days, though you have a job and an apartment, so you're living a pretty normal life (compared to other 4chan anons who live in their parent's basement and save up their good-boy points for chicken fingers). Have you ever tried to stop taking your pills at any point to see if you can deal with the symptoms? Or just to remember what it was like to really be in the depths of it?

How about your love life, has this diagnosis affected how you view and/or enter relationships or anything?

>>19086647
Gotta love that ancestral incest!

>>19086843
one of the headmates is extremely violent. i myself am a pretty chill person but back before i got help i would have these blackouts where "i" would scream at people and in extreme cases hurt them. there was one time that my parents told me about later where i apparently grabbed my cousin and threw him into the blacktop for no apparent reasons. other times it would be as if a switch flipped and i would go from completely calm to angry and lashing out. as ive gotten older he has mellowed out slightly and the worst he does is yell at my friends and punch walls. my medication keeps me from blacking out entirely now its more like... watching myself do weird things and hearing voices in my headspace
>>19086870
i work a night shift and i have to walk a bit late at night to get home. at my old job it was ~20 minutes but now its only about 5
i used to call her "the mona lisa" because of her long straight black hair and dark green dress. i never saw her too up close but i know her eyes were green as well. she had eurocentric features and very pale white skin. she seemed tall to me but it was back when i was a kid so she was probably still under 6ft. she looked a little younger than middle aged. maybe in her 30s? she didn't look like anyone else in my family. we're all pretty much the standard brown hair and brown eyes. she was fairly pretty i think? i didnt really pay attention to that lol i was too busy being scared
i've been on 5 different antipsychotics, 3 mood stabilizers, and some pretty intense migraine medications so it took a while to get here, but im doing alright. i had really bad side effects when i was on saphris so i didnt take that for a while. i couldnt last 3 days without it and became basically non functioning and back to being a recluse so i switched to something else. i never want to go back. i'd love to be neurotypical and never deal with this again.
(to be cont.)

>>19086870
anyway it never really effected my relationships that much because i rarely talk about it, and haven't been in a serious enough relationship to spend long periods of time with a romantic interest (like living together etc). the most frustrating thing was that awful headmate broke up with my ex girlfriend 3 times before she dumped me. that was the worst experience i think. other than that my last ex boyfriend was mentally ill as well and he was good about it.

You sure it's not DID, dude?

>>19086937
im going off what my psychiatrist diagnosed me with. he isn't saying DID because i dont experience full blackouts anymore

>>19086099
Bi-polar II anon here, i have psychosis. Im wondering how you deal with it, if you do deal with psychosis.

>>19086381
could be agoraphobia??

>>19086692
kek

>>19086979
depends on the type of psychosis. i'm on invega at the moment and it works wonders for me. a friend of mine is on it as well and he agrees.
if it's irrational thinking stemming from paranoia (which is my most common symptom) i usually listen to familiar music somewhere with the lights on. it's better if there's people i know or my cat or something. if im alone and its daylight i'll usually go to a coffee shop or something and bring my laptop. being around other human beings helps ground me and keep my reality in check
>>19087000
im not really into self diagnosing but maybe thats a symptom of the other stuff

>>19087008
i say that it could be because i used to deal with it for a couple of months. Whenever i left my home i would constantly look behind me or be VERY aware of my surroundings. I would have this feeling that someone or something was going to attack me. So whenever i walked by someone i would act out in my head what defense or offensive maneuvers i could use incase of that person/thing attacking me. ( I used to practice kung fu/krav maga for a while)

>>19086896
>i never saw her too up close but i know her eyes were green as well

Interesting, do you know if you ever saw her close enough to see that her eyes were green, or is it one of those things where you feel like you know something even though there's not really anyway you could have known that? I think we've all had dreams where we know certain things, even if they aren't explained in the dream. For example, in a dream you might be hiding somewhere and in the dream you know you've got to hide or something/someone will find you. Or you might know you need to go somewhere because there's something you want, even though in the context of the dream you didn't necessarily see that thing in the location you believe it to be in. Since hallucinations are made up by our brains, I wonder if it's similar to how dreams work.

Have you ever done or been tempted to try any recreational drugs? Stuff like weed or LSD or mushrooms, etc?

>>19087096
they were piercing. whenever i saw her face she was always staring directly at me... almost like she was critically studying me. its possible thats part of it as well
ive done lsd and i dont remember anything so it probably wasnt anything good. i used to smoke weed constantly but it just made my paranoia worse so i barely do it anymore. if im with my friends in someones house i'll get a little high but never fucked up like i used to

>>19086647
Are you sure? There were dubs...
Have you tried zen meditations? If you become free of expectations, you will no longer have hallucinations. I've proven this by inducing a schizophrenic state on myself with scopolamine from the Angel Trumpet, to the point where all reality was a mirage, and was able to completely turn off the delusion by removing my expectations.

>>19088055
oh wow people are still replying to this i thought it pruned
i don't have the patience for meditation, i've tried it and it didnt work. just made me restless and anxious

>>19086099
phone number

I have a history of schizophrenia in my genes and I'm beginning to show warning signs, but I'm still mostly sane. Is there a slow creep to the crazy or do you just lose touch with reality one day?

>>19088473
to me its little things that youre able to dismiss at first. imaginary friends, trick of the lights etc. it becomes your new normal. then suddenly youre telling the right person the wrong thing and they look at you funny

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>>19086647
>white as can be and raised catholic

Maybe the gods were trying to save you from Catholicism. Sometimes they will put us through extreme pain for our benefit. Most people in the church seem to have no idea how dangerous worshiping Yahweh/Moses is.

I'm schizophrenia too and I really want to come off my pills. do you think the medication is helpful?

>>19088499
religion causes schizophrenia. trust me. I've been there. the moment I got involved in christianity was when I started earing the voices

>>19088507
depends on the meds. keep trying until you find one that works dude
like i said. invega is great imo
latuda is good as well but the nausea it causes sucks

>>19088519
truth is a tough pill to swallow. or so I've heard.

I'm a schizo too. I took Risperdal and gained 100 pounds that I can't shake off of me. Do I have a case for a Risperdal settlement?

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>>19086099
>look up diseases associated with sz, life expectancy, blood parameter abnormalities in schizophrenia
You are now aware that "schizophrenia" is a systemic illness, that doesn't affect just the brain.

>look up the pharmacological profile of all antipsychotics and see they are all histamine antagonists and not dopamine antagonists, in fact some are dopamine agonists.
You are now aware schizophrenia is not caused by dopamine excess but by histamine.

>look up histamine metabolism, synthesis, breakdown, cells that produce histamine.
You are now aware that mast cells are responsible for the production of histamine, and now a lot of your other conditions become explained.

>look up diamine oxidase, histamine n-methyltransferase , where they mostly concentrate, what reduces and what increases their activity
You are now aware you can treat yourself by taking the right type of vitamins, minerals and fats.

>look up petrochemical toxins stuck in your fat, heavy metals stuck in your bones, toxic metals stuck in your endocrine system.
You are now aware that you're in for a wild ride and if you don't read and understand the risks involved in your treatment(all the above get liberated) you're gonna get fuck very hard.

Or, you could just continue to romanticize an autoimmune disease.

Guys, Risperdal dropped my testosterone to nothing, made have hypertension and high cholesterol and gain 100 pounds. It also humiliated me and made me want to kill myself. I will never have love because of this drug. What do?

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>>19086099
Did I just fart?

>>19087096
Diagnosed bipolar-ill anon here. For any potentially mentally unstable anons here that are curious about experimenting with drugs (especially psychedelics and uppers), be very careful. It can intensify your mania/psychosis to unbearable levels. I took acid a couple months ago and was convinced my mom was in some sex cult and my dad was an assassin. I'm extremely sensitive to amphetamines and am sent spiraling into manic paranoia if I'm not careful.

Im not saying don't experiment with drugs, though. Tripping has helped me to identify some serious repressed emotions and has helped me to remember that life can still be beautiful. At the same time it might make you aware of some things that you were happier not being aware of. Regardless, I can say that psychedelics and other certain drugs have had a complicated impact on my life. Can't say for sure whether or not that thats necessarily a good thing, because being aware of my own subconscious behavior's has made me more aware of others anxious ticks and their insecurities.

Just keep some benzos or antipsychotics on hand if things get too out of hand and your afraid you might do something stupid. Be safe guys!

>>19086099
>ask an average /x/file anything

>>19088739
>>19088838
Did it help your symptoms at all though? I'd take 100lbs and low T as opposed to full blown schizophrenia. Have you tried alternatives or additional drugs to help increase your test and lose the weight?

>>19090505
op here. i was on risperdal for a while and it worked pretty well. i didn't gain weight or anything my only se was eye twitches. i had to stop bc they were worried it would become seizures