>be me >Trying to sleep in my room >Everything so fucking

>>19020571
how is this paranormal

>>19020571
Why would they knock and then kick, why not just kick and get the element of surprise.

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>>19020571
>>I make a shotgun reload noise with my mouth

>>19020625
You dumb fuck, you ever break and enter?
Always knock first.

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>>19020571

chk chk get the fuck out of my board anon

>>19020634
Dude looks like he has FAS

>be me
>reading comics on the toilet
>everything dead silent, save for my osu! music playing
>dad in bedroom
>mom and boyfriend in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make a lightsaber ignition noise with my mouth
>It's over, criminal! I have the high ground!
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's a jedi"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by mimicking an elegant weapon from a more civilized age

>>19020633
Shit, I forgot what B&E etiquette class taught me, thanks for reminding me anon.

>>19020632
>>19020634
This. OP is a raging faggot.
Anybody who has ever heard a shotgun rack knows that it is not a sound that can be replicated easily. It's also loud.

>be me
>just chilling on the couch
>hear a knock on the door
>grandma gets up
>"who is it?"
>person starts POUNDING on the door
>I stand up
>"VROOM VROOOOOOOOOM!"
>pounding stops
>"shit this isn't a house it's a car!"

And that's how I saved my grandma by pretending to be a car

>be me
>Trying to masturbate on the balcony
>Everything so fucking quiet
>Mom's watching me
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make a loud brap noise with my butthole
>Like, REALLY loud
>Get the fuck outta my house or i'll shit fury all over you
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's got gonorrhea"
That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by mimicking REAL BRAP HOURS

>be me
>Playing vidya on Kinect
>Everything so fucking quiet except for me yelling at game
>Mom's making me spaghettios in kitchen
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door, and stare at it
>I make a super saiyan charging stance and inhale
>"FUUUUUUSSSSSSS ROOOOOOO"
>hear a man saying to another one "oh crap, he's Dovahkiin

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by literally harnessing the power of ancient Dragon words

Kek. This thread is pure gold.

>be me
>reading Chariots of the Gods on the toilet
>everything dead silent except my Alex Jones podcast
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make a skinwalker voice with my mouth
>"Earth is flat sandy hook was actors how do I summon succubus"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its a junior high school"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by sharing my woke perspective with a couple eyes wide shut sheep

>be me
>cooking rice in my kitchen
>hear a knock on the door
>mom goes to answer it
>whoever is at the door starts POUNDING on it
>step into foyer
>"TWO CHAAAAIINNNNSSS"
>hear voices outside "Oh shit it's Two Chains!"
>they run away

>>19020823
Perfecto

>be me
>reading Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita in my sensory deprivation chamber
>everything dead silent except the sound of my cooking eggs
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>"Jamie pull up that video of the chimpanzee. Jesus Christ that thing must be 400 pounds."
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its Joe Rogan"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by smoking some weed and watching YouTube videos

Go die

/sage

>be me
>reading The Torah on the toilet
>everything dead silent except my Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make the sound of an oven firing up
>"THIS HOUSE IS NOW WITHIN THE BORDERS OF THE GREAT STATE OF ISRAEL"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap i don't want to look anti semetic"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by annexing my own home.

This has potential

>>19020828
>TWOOO CHAAAINS
>TITY BOOOOI

I died laughing at this

>be me
>watching TV
>everything dead silent except my repeat of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I do my best Jonathan Frakes impression
>"Well, what do you think? Are there valuables in the house...or is this just the home of some poor people with nothing worth stealing?"
>Hear two men arguing
>"it's got to be a fact"
>"No way man, he's lying, they're rich"
>they pound on the door again
>"it's if you thought this family had anything worth stealing...you were wrong! Too often in life we let appearances fool us. When you case a home, don't judge a book by its cover. Thanks for stopping by. I'm Johnathan Frakes."
>they walk away

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes by utilizing prime late 20th century syndictated television.

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>be me
>Crying in anger while playing my 5th ranked League of Legends solo queue game
>Trying to leave bronze is so fucking pointless
>Mom's in Tennesee
>Someone picks Xin Zhao adc
>REEEEEEEE
>Someone started fucking banning all my mains
>Pick Yasuo to save us
>I tell everybody not to worry we scale into late game anyway
>Get the fuck outta my lobby you nigger faggot bronze trash
>See one teammate saying to another one "oh crap this is my promo"

Saved my account from being reported again for intentional feeding

>be me
>microwaving a hot pocket
>everything dead silent except my k-pop album
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make a typing noise
>"You have been banned from my house for the following reason: pounding on my door"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its a 4chan janitor, theres nothing worth stealing here"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by doing it for free

>>19020571
>be you
>stupid
>make shit up on/x/
>turn 13 tomorrow
>will grow a penis soon
Go to bed Jimmy, its late.

>>19020839
this slays me brother.
many Keks :)

>be me
>reading Atlas Shrugged on my GoT chair
>sipping wine from goblet in one hand
>everything dead silent except my Bach still playing
>sister in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I do my best Ian McKellen impression
>"YOU - SHALL - NOT - PASS!"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its fucking Gandalf"
>they turn tail and run

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by larping as a fictional character

>be me
>reading Harry Potter in my hand shaped chair
>everything dead silent except my Post Modern Jukebox album
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make the Tardis noise with my mouth
>"We need more representation of ALL genders in the media!"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its a college student"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by being a pedantic shithead

>Be me
>Readin' Aleister Crowley while performing brown magic in the bathroom
>Mind controlled mom is drawing summoning runes in the living room
>Someone knocks at the door
>Order my meat slave mother to answer it
>She asks who's there?
>Suddenly they start kicking the door
>"Intruders at the gate my liege!"
>Activate my pineal gland and fly down the stairs
>Hold the door shut with my mind
>Start Chanting as loud as i can "AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS"
>My door kicks them
>Hear them scream "OH FUCK IT'S AN AWFUL REBOOT" through the door
>They run away
That night i saved me and my meat slave by summoning the dark arts. I later summoned a succubus but then trapped it's soul in a black soul gem for later use.

>be me
>reading Hillary Clinton: HERstory by Secretary of State Lena Dunham on the toilet
>everything dead silent except my mandatory interracial pornography
>mother in bedroom
>biracial half brother in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I do a Donald Trump impression
>"I'm the president now, I'm doing big things, so great you wouldnt believe it"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap we're in the wrong timeline"

That night I saved me and my mom by being from the other timeline

>be me
>pretending I can fucking read
>everything silent except for my WW2 German marching songs
>everyone else at work
>someone knocks on the door
>pretend I'm not in, fuck interaction.
>someone started kicking the fucking door
>can't run to the door to keep it closed
>getting distressed, this isn't part of my routine
>I make a distressed frog noise with my mouth
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>here a man say to the other one "oh fuck I think he's retarded"
That night I saved my figurines from two assholes just by being an Autistic NEET

>be me
>transcending human consciousness in my room
>Everything so fucking tranquil
>Mom and new dad in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>teleport to the door to hold it with my burning willpower
>I make a uchigatana unsheathing noise with my mouth
>vactate the premises whilst you still have all your appendages, you reproachable curs!
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's got a uchigatana"
That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by mimicking the ultimate style of bladed combat

>be me
>reading Malcolm X's autobiography
>everything dead silent except Jay Z's The Blueprint
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>"AY NIGGA WHO THE FUCK BANGIN ON MY DOOR?
>Hear a man saying to another one "hey isnt that your bike?"

That night me and my mom experienced true racial oppression

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>be me
>watching Exorcist III in the living room
>everything dead silent except my brain damaged sex slave's labored breathing
>Someone knocks on the door
>ask who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>make sure refrigerator door is shut first
>"it's just my boyfriend he always acts like this when he's drunk"
>Hear a cop saying to another one "I don't feel like dealing with this"

That night I saved me and my dismembered lovers from two assholes just by playing to Midwestern police officers' discomfort with homosexuality

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>>19020634
>puts smoke in his mouth like "yeah i smoke, look how cool i am"
>takes it out of his mouth and puts it back on his ear

uber tryhard faggot

>be me
>Trying to sleep in my room
>Everything so fucking quiet
>Mom's in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking the door

>>19020938
Janitors can't ban people, newfag.

>>19020787
Made me laugh, damnit.

>>19020823
Just keeps getting better and better.

>>19020571
This bait would be better suited on /k/

>>19021179
ded

>>19020823
10/10

Yeah right, faggot. This is not even paranormal.

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>>19020780
What if the meanie never heard a real shotgun sound?

>>19020780

"chk chk"

I just proved you wrong.

>>19020639
Lold

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>>19020571
Boring story

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>>19020787
You beautiful motherfucker

>be me
>looking up wine memes LOL
>everything dead silent except my Adele cd
>Someone knocks on the door
>ask who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>make sure wine bottle is empty first
>"Live, Laugh, Love! "
>Hear a voice saying to another one "ugh facebook moms"

That night I saved me and minion memes from two assholes just by being myself LOL

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Put me on the screencap

>be me
>reading Infinite Jest in my room
>mom's in the living room
>someone knocks on the door
>mom asks who's there
>someone starts kicking the fucking door
>run to the door and block it with my copy of Infinite Jest
>make fish noises
>This is water
>hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's David Foster Wallace"

That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by having no discernable talent

>>19020633
No, I'm not a nigger

>>19022996

Deleting your post from my cap.

>Be me
>Shitposting about being a reptilian on /x/
>Almost eerily quiet except for my computer playing a Babymetal album
>Grandpa's's in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Grandpa yells for them to fuck off
>Someone started fucking the door
>Run to the door
>I grab two pots and start banging them together
>"REBLOG THIS POST OR YOUR MOTHER WILL DIE IN HER SLEEP TONIGHT"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's got a chain post"
That night I saved me and my grandpa from two door molesters just by being a huge faggot

>>19020571
Ima pretend youre telling the truth for a second...

They probably didnt even hear you make the shotgun sound. They probably just heard get out or ill shoot.

Leave that out of your story. It makes you sound like a dumbass liar. And even if you did, they definitely didnt hear that part.


Anyway, so ghosts, guise?

>be me
>reading local newspaper in living room
>everything's silent besides my football tapes playing
>three kids in their one bedroom
>deadbeat wife in the kitchen
>someone knocks on the door
>bitch doesn't even check it
>someone starts fucking kicking the door
>run to the door kicking over the thirteen empty beer cans on the way
>take a three point football stance
>Yell, we would've won states if coach put me in
>hear a man say to another one "shit, it's a peaked in high school chad"

That night I saved my dumb broad and three bed wetters thanks to my masculinity.

>be me
>vibrating in seven of the eleven spacial dimensions
>all is quiet except for the subtle hum of the cosmic background radiation
>god's in his heaven, all's right with the world
>a subtle buzzing in my head
>"fuck off demon"
>it's a pounding noise now
>makes the elder sign
>O̴̶͝Ĺ͘͠ ̸̡S̶̶̕͘O̕N̷͞F̀ ̸̕͝V̷́̕Ǫ̀͟͢R̨̕͜S̷̕A̢̧͝G̨͢ ̧̕͠G͘͞͡Ó̷̡͜H̀̕͝O͘͢͝͞ ̛Í̢̡̨̨A̴̴͢D̢͘͝ ̸͠͝͞͝B̷̷A̕L̷̡T̢ ̶̨́L͘͡Ǫ̵́̕͢Ņ̶̛́͢Ś͜H̨͘͞
>"oh shit he knows enochian"

That night I saved myself from demonic possession by screeching in a bullshit language invented by a cuck

>>19023449
Very clever and we'll thought out post! Bravo!!!

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Top kek thread

>>19020888
This is why we are here. Checked.

>>19020839
>reading in my sensory deprivation chamber

lost hard

Did something similar once

>in my room
>hear screaming woman right ousite my window
>one of my neighbors is being pushed out of her car
>she is pleading to the assailant that her children are in the car (two girls 4 yrs old and the other months)
>instead of yelling right at him I cup my hands around my mouth and tell upwards
>"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT IF YOU MOVE TOWARD THE CAR ILL SHOOT YOU"
>guy looks around confused trying to locate the voice
>"LEAVE NOW AND LIVE, YOU'LL SEE WHERE I AM WHEN I BLOW YOUR CHEST OPEN. RUN NOW OR DIE"
>guy starts running
>never owned a gun in my life
>get warm feeling whenever I see the girls

I know I didn't actually DO anything, but I hate to think about the girls having been taken like that. It was so weird, it wasn't like a carjacking somehow.

>>19020907
this post made me want to get into league

>be me
>taking my vitamins
>everything dead silent, save for the sound of me saying my prayers
>Vince in bedroom
>Macho Man in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Vince asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make the sound of a crowd cheering with my voice
>LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING MEAN GENE I LOOK AROUND HERE BROTHER AND I SEE MILLIONS OF HULKAMANIACS WORLDWIDE SAYING THEIR PRAYERS, TAKING THEIR VITAMINS, AND JUST WORKING THEIR HARDEST AND BROTHER IN JUST TWO WEEKS AT SUMMERSLAM I'M GONNA SHOW THE UNDERTAKER JUST WHAT IT MEANS TO CHALLENGE THE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF LITTLE HULKAMANIACS OUT THERE...SO THE QUESTION IS, UNDERTAKER: WHATCHA GONNA DO BROTHER WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD OVER YOUUUUU
>guys at the door mark out

That night I saved me and Vince just by being the greatest sports entertainer in history, brother

>be me
>Eating Oreos in my room
>Everything is so fucking delicious
>Mom is in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I sing the Oreo theme song
>"Wonder if I gave an Oreo To the big bad wolf How would the story go?"
>Hear a man saying to another one "Stop trying to blow the door down, he's got oreos."
That night I saved my mom from two wolves who wanted to fuck our door.

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>>19020571
>>I make a shotgun reload noise with my mouth

my fucking sides

>>19020571
>Shotgun noise with your mouth

You're lucky you didn't get fucked up.

Must be retards to believe the sound.
ORRRR
You're lying like 90% of the shit on here.

If not. Have your family buy a pistol.

>be me
>Playing some b-ball
>Everything is quite except my mixtape
>Brother is in bedroom
>Mom is in kitchen
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>Start beatboxing
>"In West Philadelphia born and raised on the playground where I spent most of my days"
>Hear a man saying to another one "Oh shit, he's chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool"
That night I saved me and my mom from a couple of guys who were up to no good and started making trouble in my neighborhood.

>be me
>casually tripping in my room
>everything dead silent except for the breathing walls
>goblin servants working on some time machine downstairs
>someone knocks on the door
>i see the door getting closer, but choose not to open it
>ESSUBRAH insists that it is a matter of life and death
>someone is kicking the door now
>I sit down to meditate
>all doors open and close, I see what is behind every door that has ever been and ever will be
>I dismiss all distractions with a shooing sound
>I open this door
>I am the door
That night I went out and got a Big Mac, I was hungry.

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>>19020639

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>>19023500

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>>19023362

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>>19020571
Spooky!!!
This is a paranormal story: OP was faced with a spirit or demon that can be warded off with particular vocal sound.

>>19020642
its not etiquette, you knock to see if anyone is home, if no one is home you break in.

>>19020888
Oh man that took man back. Thanks

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>>19020780
This was my first thought too.

Then I remembered the average IQ of a robber who doesn't use stealth is probably sub 80.

Seems plausible now.

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>>19023879
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BROTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR

>>19023362
v

This thread is one of the things that tell me there might still be hope for 4chan.

>>19024037
10/10

>>19020571
>trying to shitpost in my room
>everything is so fucking quiet except for my Best of Enya soundtrack
>someone knocks on the door
>mom asks who's there
>someone started fucking kicking the door
>run to the door to hold it
>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by mimicking my dad.

>>19020804
Best one yet kek

>be me
>reading The Bible in my room
>everything dead silent except the sound of my hymns
>brother in bedroom
>mom in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the gosh dang door
>Run to the door to open it
>"Hey there, friend! Do you need some help?"
>Hear a man saying to another one "Yes my car had broke down and I only have a pay as you go phone, may I use your phone?"

That night I saved someone from costly cell phone coverage by being a good neighbor.

>>19020625
You knock first cause if they are sleeping then you be quit dumb fuck. Why risk waking up a sleeping person?

>be me
>reading The Real Bereziah, Vol 1 in The Bannered Mare
>everything dead silent except the sound of my cooking eggs
>Carlotta Valentina in bedroom
>Farengar Secret-Fire in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Carlotta asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>"Stop! You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?"
>Hear a man say "I'm the Jarl's Thane. I demand you let me go at once."

That night I saved me and my Jarl from two assholes just by checking if someone had stolen a sweetroll.

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>>19020639

>>19023362
Lick my chain post.

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>be me
>wanting to do push ups
>for some reason i am shy to do it outside
>go to bathroom
>start doing push ups and the usual noises
>mom knocks "anon are you ok" in my language
>the beach doesnt wait an answer and open the door thinking im faping
>im actually doing push ups

True story.

>>19021030
How has this one gone unnoticed? Fucking lol'd

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>>19024037
You forgot the part where you open the door and everyone walked the dinosaur

>be me
>Trying to master my kama sutra chops in the dojo(am 5th dan btw)
>Everything so fucking quiet, except for the atmospheric oriental tunes
>Mom's in living room
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I scream
OOOOOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Get the fuck outta my house or I'll walking jump peddle kick in your chests yelling
WOOOOLALALALALAAAAAAAAA
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap it's Liu Kang"
>demonic wall penetrating laugh from my weird next door neighbor that i never ever saw and he finishes with: Flawless victory

That night i saved my mom and me from two assholes by being an autistic Mortal Kombat nerd

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>>19020823

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>>19020823
m00t was wrong. Australians are the best posters on 4chan

>>19026264
He was right. Four years ago.

>be me
>researching the feudal age
>everything dead silent except the sound of my villagers chopping wood
>infantry in formation
>archers near guard towers
>Someone knocks on the door
>ask who's there
>>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>"WOLOLOOO"
>Hear a man say "JA, HINKTERSTAY"
>That night I saved me and my town center from attack just by converting them.

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>be me
>Trying to sleep in my bed made of cash
>Everything so fucking quiet
>Schlomo's in living room counting shekels
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mr. Goldstein asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>Start rubbing my hands together while I concoct a scheme
>REMEMBER THE 6 MILLION GOYIM
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's a Jew, I don't want to be racist"
That night I saved me and my banker friends from two racist goys just by telling a lie

>>19020888

Fucking loved that show. Also, checked, my man.

>be me
>reading about ancient mayans
>everything dead silent except the sound of my Himalayan salt crystals humming with energy
>mom in the living room
>dad in the bedroom
>Someone knocks on the door
>mom asks who's there
>>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run to the door to hold it
>make the sound of aligning chakras
>"the world actually ended 5 years ago and this is just a simulation"
>Hear one of the guys say "if the mayan long fount calendar is real we don't really exist"

That night I saved me and family from attack just by being retarded.

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>>19020571
>I make a shotgun reload noise with my mouth
Holy shit you don't get golden content like this in any other board.

>>19024073
every trip in a nutshell

>>19020814
Cringe

God I missed these threads.

>be me
>sodomizing myself with sonic screwdriver
>everything so fucking silent except for buzzing of said screwdriver
>roomie sleeping at the top of bunkbed
>cat watching me
>someone knocks on the door
>cat whines annoyed for interruption of my exhibition
>someone started fucking kicking the door
>run to the door to hold it
>I channel spirit of 6th and 9th Doctor
>idea
>"EX-TER-MIN-ATE! You are the enemy of the Daleks! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"
>Hear a man crying to another one "oh crap it's Daleks, they are gonna destroy all life"

That night I saved me, my cat and my roomie from two just by mimicking homicidal extraterrestrial mutants

>>be me
>>microwaving 3 corndogs
>>everything dead silent except the sound of my brother's nut sack hitting my mom's vag
>>dad is watching
>>mom in living room taking massive dick
>>Someone knocks on the door
>>Mom asks who's there
>>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>>Run to the door to hold it
>>I make a skeet skeet ah ah noise
>>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its lil john he broke as fuck"

That night I saved my incestuous family by pretending to be a black guy

>>19020634
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va9V1VcsyKU

>>19020634
daayum reminds me of every middle school edgelord I ever knew. You ever notice how artists, very famous musicians and the like, often don't outgrow this? Just a side thought, I'd hate to derail this thread.

>>19025900
Thanks

>>19030065

kek

>be me
>in backyard shitting
>everything dead silent except the sound of my father raping my sister
>dad is watching Slumdog Millionaire
>mom in living room silently awaiting death
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone starts kicking the fucking door
>Run inside, go to the door to hold it
>"o yes babi such good pussi want sum fukk"
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap its an indian family"

>That night I saved my family from the untouchable caste by pretending to comment on porno clips

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>be me
>Railing an eightball in my bathroom.
>Everything so fucking quiet except the whining buzz in the back of my head
>Mom's in living room smoking crank from a broken lightbulb.
>Someone knocks on the door
>Mom asks who's there
>Someone started fucking kicking the door
>Run to the door to hold it
>I make a wine glass clinking noise with my mouth
>I daresay my good boy it is time to release the hounds on these poor fellows
>Hear a man saying to another one "oh crap he's got a lawyer"
That night I saved me and my mom from two assholes just by mimicking the wealthy elite.

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>>19026036

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>>19020639

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>>19020823