Hey guys wrote a story on nosleep I'd love to hear your

Bump?

This is actually pretty good imo

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431KB, 790x734px

>>18465317

>>18465324
Thank you. The pacing was alright?

Yeah the buildup was done pretty good

>>18465382
Good that's a problem I've had with my previous stories

>>18465131
Good story, but I just didn't like the ending. Maybe if you elaborated on it more it would have more impact.

>>18466025
Thanks for the feedback I'll keep that in mind.

>>18465356
>>18465410

Based on the story and these comments I feel like somebody has given you some shitty "constructive" criticism regarding pacing or structure, and you're self-conscious and preoccupied with the nuances of literary professionalism over raw narrative. Narrative-wise, you just seem to be hitting all the notes you think you should be hitting while you practice other skills.

Just think of an idea you like and write about it, man. Don't let anybody tell you how to go about that. Remember that if you're posting stories on nosleep they're all first person accounts from the perspective of non-writers, so don't stress the small stuff. Focus on high concept shit that takes people off guard and keeps them thinking about it long after they stop reading.

>>18465131
That was dreadful. It was poorly written and not in the least bit scary.
>That morning I running actually pretty early
Come on!

Honestly, it's not good. Grammatically, it makes me wonder if English is not your first language. I would suggest rereading your work at least once before submitting to catch anything that puts you off.
Also try avoiding unnecessary details.

>>18466869

You're not wrong, but there's a way to put that without being a cunt. Ideally you want someone to improve, not quit.

>>18466764
I think this is the best advice I've gotten.

I didn't find it very creepy at all tbqh. It didn't really make sense or tie together (i.e rotten milk smell etc)

>The sihlouette was me, staring back at me
You have used 'me' too close together. Replace it with something like 'The silhouette was staring deeply into my eyes, it was only then that I realized the silhouette was me'