I'm here to share my insane thoughts and ask for help. Keep

That's some deep shit.

>>18456184
it gets deeper. Basically reality and consciousness are interconnected, if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it the experiment with atoms where when observed they take one route or another but when not they take both. Reality is reliant on the observer without it there is nothing. I as the observer of my reality am doomed to the mess I've created. I was a fool and now I Am doomed

Hoping anyone can make some sense of the crazy shit I'm saying and maybe offer some help. I just want off this ride

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>>18456200
You must find peace within yourself before you can find peace within the world. The fact that you can identify your negative energy and thoughts gives hope that you can do it, Anon.

>>18456233

>tfw no silent gaze

care to share some stories why you're 'evil' ?

>your story sound like the undead of dark souls to be fair

>>18456233
I don't know how...All I can think is that I need to die

>>18456288
Stories of why I'm evil I could get into specifics but the point is all my actions are self serving I feel no sense of shame or remorse I can't make any long term goals or stick to anything because really I only care about myself

All I do is lie and manipulate and I don't even feel bad. I've used my family and I'm totally reliant on them, I manipulate people at work I'm totally useless and detestable but do I actually care and try to change? No. I'm a monster, I'm totally disgusting and I deserve everything coming to me and all I want is the peace of non existence

>>18456301
if that all what you do , that not even as evil as you describe it, that literally every human on earth

>>18456308
No, I'm not sure you understand. My life is a total mess, I'm screwing up the lives of those around me and I can't change because I don't know it's like a game to me. I'm not even certain of my own thoughts or intentions but it's clear that the patterns of my life reflect that of a sociopath. I have substance abuse problems, I'm a disgusting mess, financial disaster no respect for laws and at the root of it I just feel no connection to others and am only driven to satisfy my own selfishness. I just don't care about anything but my own comfort and it's destroying everyone around me

>>18456308
And well, I can't even fucking kill myself because as I said before death is only an illusion. Consciousness carries on. This is the hell people have attempted to describe. Living out of the grace of god incapable of change. I'm doomed

Even now all I'm doing is manipulating you to pity me to feed my own nasty ego I know in my heart I'm evil. But I can't stop. I need to get off this fucking ride

>>18456311
You obviously feel some remorse. You posted about it and say it makes you evil. I'm a mess and have been for years. I get disassociated at times , but I still try to help people. I won't find happiness because of how I am, but if I can help make someone's day better, even just a little, I am happy.

I hope you'll escape the negative thoughts and view of yourself.

>>18456317
It's not remorse, you're a good person and naturally you want to help me so you do what normal good people do and you attempt to empathize with me and project ideas like that I must be regretful or remorseful when really I'm just being objective about my actions and I don't care. This is how I manipulate others, I'm manipulating you right now

>>18456322
I don't feel that need. I feel nothing most of the time. If I help someone , I'm glad. If not, I don't really care. It's pointless trying to help those that don't care or want help. You are not manipulating me, I simply gave my input. I simply understand your journey, it's lonely, but that's how it goes

>>18456334
I just dont know what to do
I feel nothing
I care about nothing
I can't see help because I know I don't really want it. I just don't know what to do anymore
I'm literally in hell

>>18456174
what is good?
what is evil?

do they exist? or are they merely constructions of an abstract spectrum defined by society's morality?
is there such a thing as inherent goodness or evil?
or are they merely manifestations of complacency and action?

>>18456355
Yes they are constructs of society but does that mean they don't exist? Is being a self serving uncaring manipulative human not harmful to others? Does in not make me a detriment to the world? A drain on others? Isn't that evil?

>>18456174
Hi OP iv come to help. Answer me this with honesty, do you think you deserve to have you eyes burnt out, tortured agony, raped, beat up and burnt to disfigurement? Do you believe anyone deserves this?

>>18456386
No I don't think anyone deserves that

>>18456386
but I feel so disconnected and numb that maybe I just answered that way because it seems like the right answer. I don't even know

>>18456174
One of the things i can suggest OP is that if there is hope still in you then there is a way out. First of all what i want you to do is realize that being selfish and manipulative is not a curse of your own, you most likely picked up these traits from your surroundings and interaction with people from you environment. You used these traits to survive and you continue to because you are scared you will die or will lose out if you do not use these to your advantage. Answer honestly or we cannot go further.

>>18456386
I guess I don't really think anyone deserves anything

>>18456389
No I don't believe I deserve it...Yes I believe some people do

>>18456388
You answered that way because you have empathy, however small you can now know it is there. The voice in your head will say things to you like "you only said that because *insert mean and demeaning shit here*. There is polarity on this Earth anon, tell me what is your age please. If you seek help tell me honestly.

>>18456393
No I think in honesty I was lying to you, I don't feel empathy. I don't care of those things happe'to others I'm 27

>>18456392
Who would deserve such a death or punishment? And what people would you have act out this punishment to the deserved? You anon? could you do these things to the people you think deserve it? Remember Honesty.

>>18456395
Jesus Christ I dont know, no I couldn't do it no no one deserves it I just feel so numb and empty I don't even know how to be honest I don't know anything I can't even tell if any of my answers are true or if I'm just guiding myself o'e way or the other

>>18456395
or maybe I could I don't know if I'm fooling myself or if I'm fooling others I can't make sense of anything I don't know what's real

>>18456395
Part of me wants to say yes I could do that but then part of me says I'm just being so negative I'm convincing myself I could I don't know!!! The honest truth is I don't know what I'm capable of what I feel who I am

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>>18456401

>>18456388
You need to look into macrobiotic diet; your brain chemicals seem fucked up. Do you do drugs? Have you ever done psychedelics?

There is nothing that forces you to continue doing whatever you have done. The difference between Good and Evil men is; Good people want to do better.

>>18456401
Right so you are feeling numb and empty i think they are honest words from you Anon, what do you think about your interactions in the world with people, are you peaceful or are you aggressive? (physical terms)

>>18456412
yes I smoke marijuana and I have don't dmt and mushrooms

>>18456413
Aggressive

>>18456372
I dunno. is it evil?

it boils down to what values you hold as a person.
without judgement, what do you believe what you are?

For me I believe in following nature. specifically my inner nature.
if I want something, I take it. because I can. I dont feel bad because this is my nature.
If somebody tries to stop me, I dont hold it against them, because this is their nature.

and as such I hold no prejudices against myself or believe that I am good or bad. I simply am.

but that is my point of view. my question is for you to find yours without tarnishing it by your own judgements of what you should have.

>>18456419
Ok then why are you aggressive? Because you want to? or because you are scared if you are not you will lose power or be overpowered? or because you don't know how to interact in and integrative state instead of a separative state. Do you feel hurt when people are mean or unkind to you? Honesty Anon

>>18456420
do you believe you are a sociopath?

>>18456423
Because I want to, because if I can overpower to get what I want than I should. Yes I do feel hurt when people are mean or unkind I feel hurt and angry

>>18456423
Holy shit I'm starting to realize I'm worse than I imagined. I built up this idea of who I am inside my mind constantly telling myself no you do't really think that or oh that's just an intrusive thought but the more I examine my actions and the ones that seem genuine I guess the more I see I blame other for my position. Right now all I can think is damn my parents for not recognizing the signs a'd getting me help it's their fault. I know I'm evil I know I'm beyond redemption

The pure autism in this post is the reason /x/ and 4chan has gone to shit. OP please KYS and never post your fantasy stories on this board again.

>>18456174
Hey op no matter what you will find peace. We have the consequences of our actions to face, but we are all part of each other, and no one is trapped forever. Be aware of your thoughts and actions, do nice things for others, not to generate merit for yourself but for everyone

>>18456432
It's the edgelords that have been trolling /x/ the past week. Winter vacation is almost as bad as summer vacation. These are Tumblr tier trolls so it's painfully obvious and no fun

>>18456441
I'm not a troll I'm mentally ill and looking for help and I've tried to kill myself multiple times to that now I'm convinced death is simply an illusion and the ways I tried I'm sure my body died but my consciousness shifted into a new reality I'm starting to feel like I did when I had a psychedelic crisis and my mind is just Z huge blur of trying to understand the underlying truth of the universe while trying to come to terms with being a sociopath and yeah I might be undiagnosed autistic too Fuck you guys I'm desperate

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>>18456416

I used to smoke weed too and felt almost the same as you did. Not as bad though. I smoked weed everyday for 5 years, drank energy drinks and ate shit food. I started to do harder drugs and gamble and all kinds of shit that was bad for me. I couldn't keep my promises.

I tripped of (was like my 50th trip) shrooms + LSD + MDMA and finally understood how much weed is holding me down. Escape from the reality surrounding you, is the root of the problem.

Quit smoking, or if you are able, restrict it to only one day a week, start eating well: shitload of vegetables- avoid all grain, meat, dairy, sugar. Exercise. Meditate This is the best advice you will get. By changing who you are, you can make things right. No amount of sorry will save you, if you are not willing to change. I wish you everything good.

>>18456431
So then Anon can you tell me what you have gained for your life from taking from people, manipulating them and taking advantage of them. This is a world of polarity Anon, if you deceive people you will be deceived you manipulate, you then become the manipulated. There is a way out now anon and i am going to help you start. First of all nobody is perfect, second of all nobody thinks they are the bad guy in there own story they are either the victim of a cruel world that has have them make no other choice then to dominate people through the sheer lack of love demonstrated by the people of this world, or they are the good or smart one for not showing love to the bad people. What i want you to do now anon on your next interactions, you decide to change you decide that the next person you interact with is going to be you, you will treat them and show them how you want to be treated. Decide when people ask you for help and cannot help themselves because lets say they are incapable or to blind to see it. Help them see it anon and show kindness, your love will come back to your then you will realize it was always there just buried under confusion and pain. Think about what others are going through and struggling through and your troubles will be lessened. Now isnt being selfish great? Be selfish enough to know how you treat people is how it will be returned one way or another. So do yourself a favor and be helpful and loving especially to yourself. You are not your past you are the present, that is were you will live and that is were you will stay, everything is fresh nothing is old. Love yourself OP, you will learn to slowly in time. I wish you the very best Anon you can do it.

>>18456174
OP

Do these lyrics match with your experience?

raw no fucking filter crooked needle hot head self inflicted what'd you tell them I just told them hell's existence but you know me don't nobody know my business my presence flog your confidence who wanna brand new complex now on I'll call you go fetch get used to fetch I shoot you catch I snap you come I don't call you back act natural my style attack give it up give it up give it up give it up dive bomber dive bomber clip a hundred doves like a bald head rasta clot of the dot got a head a piranha my cobra head draped in mota hooded regime like ebola blink and you're over wouldn't shut the fuck up answered for their behavior cleft palate creator morgue head forsaker phallus cloud crown me vapor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQm8qpexnjo

I think this music group was made from the perspective of someone like you...

OP you sound like a giant pussy.
Hit up bestgore if you want to see evil.
You may be emotionally or mentally fucked up, but who isn't these days.

Try watching your diet for a little while, good macros and micros (and avoiding shit like simple sugars) can make a surprising difference. Also try not being a pussy.

you're fit ta learn the proper meaning of a beat down
madness chaos in the brain
let my blood flow make my blood flow through you mane
you got no business questioning a thang
swallowed way too much
couldn't handle it I fell
down a spiral stair case winding ta hell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MHhLDCJ57E

>>18456472
fuck yourself
_not OP_

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cinJDxLUsNY

>>18456475
I've listened to all of their stuff. I definitely relate, especially on gp

>>18456475
But he is kind of right I am a pussy, I am weak still doesn't mean I'm not wicked with evil in my soul. Most evil men who did horrible things are actually weak pussies

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>>18456482

There is no evil in the soul. It is pure. What is you name? If you allow, I am able to send the demons away, with the help of your spirit guide.

>>18456492
Why do you need my name? You the gubmint coming to get me?

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>>18456496

No, I'm the same dude who told you to eat well and meditate. I need some mental link to you, otherwise it's good for nothing.

>>18456496
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGsL9eK-muw

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>>18456510
OP

Im towards the same boat as you.

Be a pirate :)

>>18456510

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>>18456174
>I'm most likely totally evil
Back to /r9k/ with you.

>>18456509
well it's Andrew. Is that enough?

>>18456520
Okay I'm probably autistic. Whatever. The point I'm trying to make is I feel evil. I feel like its ruin everything around me. I see no way out I can't help myself or maybe I just don't want to because I take pleasure in this. Fuck you man I'm looking for help

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>>18456525

Yes, it was enough. I contacted your spirit guide briefly. I asked him, to banish the demons feeding on your energy and to guide you towards the light. He is working on your energy now.

Thank you for letting me help. You should know, that if you want, you are able to contact your guide yourself too.

OP Stop being an asshole. Its that simple either that or keep being an asshole and don't cry about it. Stop reading so far into it and just do the next right thing and check your motives. You are a guy right? If so lose all the emotional pleas for us to feel sorry for you cmon man you're embarrassing yourself
I'm convinced one punch in the face can change your ways so maybe go that route.

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You need to learn to love yourself before you can possibly hope to do good for the world around you anon.

If you can't love yourself, then work on becoming someone you can. Take baby steps. Stop drinking, stop doing drugs, start eating healthy, start working the fuck out, learn some shit, help out people around you if you can. You'll see your outlook start to improve as you slowly become less of a shit human being.

Worst case scenario, you'll still feel like shit but you'll be a strong, healthy motherfucker that people like and respect.

What do you have to lose?

Start eating better and stop smoking. You also really need to listen to good music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX1egjG_3NE

>>18456728
Maybe ignore this and listen to flaming lips instead.

Christianity and the Bible are not about how people stay wicked.

The Bible is about God loving mankind so much, he would die on a cross to make them righteous.

He knows mankind is wicked and does not want to change. The power to change individuals is not from within, but from outside. You recognizing the depth of your own depravity is the first step to freedom.

The only way to righteousness is faith in Christ, and Christ alone. I too myself am a wicked man, who cares not for others, a perpetual asshole. God promises in the Bible that by believing in his son and his sacrifice, we too can be made righteous.

You have realized a truth about yourself that many will never. You must pray to Him, for he is your deliverance. He will deliver you from Hell, but you must ask Him to.

You may think, "wow I am so bad I do not deserve to be saved from this." You are right. You do not deserve it, and neither do I. He is gracious to offer it to all who call on His name.

May the God of Peace and of all comfort be with you. Amen.

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>>18456174
>I'm a sociopath
>makes a thread confessing that he is ad