Tell me how to make a contract with satan. Tell me what I need,

give him your hat

And, if possible, part of the contract needs to be that my stepdad gets sent to the shittiest part of hell. Not as a sacrifice, just because I want him to suffer. Cunt.

>>18423742
>buying into the secret jew
>siding with Moloch
>not having a child to offer

Pleb
3/13, sage and report

Rip off the skin of your back, let it dry and then write it in your mother's blood with the bone of your father.

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Go ahead, do it

>>18423757
By all means, if I have to rape some random bitch and wait 10 months to give the kid up, I'll do that shit. I'm willing to do some seriously horrendous shit to send this piece of shit to eternal suffering. He deserves it, trust me.

Even a bloody curse, for fuck sakes. If anyone in this dead board knows anything of use to me, I'd love you forever.

I got you
https://www.usajobs.gov

>>18423778
looks like we got a edgy high school teen getting bullied here.

>>18423742
>Attempting to make a contract with something that doesn't even exist.

Your time here is useless to me and anyone else, and your actions are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

>>18423760
This would have the attention of many spirits

>>18423778
You'd probably get away with it by binding yourself to his soul in a blood seal or symbol and sacrificing yourself and him at the same time.

If you're new you may want to learn a bit more but you're in the wrong place for that. Stick to learning how to get him in the long game and avoid your own suffering.

Or load him up on acid and make him an hero. But this post is satire anyways, NSA.

>>18423818
And so was this post

>>18423821
Actually, after making this post I became less angry and realized making ricin is way easier than provoking demons.

>>18423742
do you have a tool in life that would be of use to him? You have to have to give to get.

>>18423887
I'm by no means beethoven or anything but I do think I was gifted musically. I know the fucker likes to work through music.

>>18423756
underageb&, which seems appropriate given OP's musical talent

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>>18423742

Before you make any deals with the devil, please watch the Brendan Frazer movie Bedazzled.

>>18423961
Wow.

>>18423961

Persistence will be nessisary in a ritual like this. Your not particularly dazzling the spirit like >>18423760 would do and by focusing solely on the devil your ignoring other possible deities who may be willing to offer greater incentive.

>>18424034
Per this anon's advice, you should look at other entities. I'm sure Prince Stolas would give you a greater return.

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>>18424003
this scans better

>>18423742
Not worth it.

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>>18423742
>i'm tired of the jewish shit
>help me make a contract with [hebrew word for adversary]
sounds great, OP. You went to harvard, didn't you?

>>18423742
You don't, he takes an interest in you and comes to you, lets say you could somehow summon a cosmic entity with unfathomable power, what could your soul possibly be worth to him?

>>18423742
>stepdad gets sent to the shittiest part of hell
>sacrifice, just because I want him to suffer.
>Cunt.


I remember being 12

>>18423742
I would tell you, but that would mean forfeiting what I have gained throu my deal. I can give you a hint though. It's not satan who deals with contracts for personal gain.

>>18424003
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTEtvzYDb0o

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>>18423742
You can just email them, dude [email protected]

>>18423805
Sub-rated post

>>18423742
>We exist to be cogs in the Jewish working machine?
If that's true, Jews are part of Satan's work. Meaning you'll become like them.

>>18423742
Don't you dare fucking do it, this shit is real and you'll probably end up blabbering on the streets pissing yourself in drag

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ebola
or zombies?
or satanist memorys?

>>18423742
>We exist to be cogs in the Jewish working machine? Bullshit.

Why would you rather be a cog in an occluded Monogolian Khaganate?

If you want to empower yourself, than liberate your desire from the subjective realm of spirituality. Focus instead on the substantial objectives, exclusively.

Jesus will just give you whatever it is you need if you put your faith in him. He has given me everything I want and need in life. Just talk to him instead.

Jesus will give a person anything if they put their faith in him?

Is that why everyone at church is so happy and fulfilled, are healthy, have anything they want and don`t have the same issues, problems, diseases as atheists and buddhists and satanists and EVERYONE ELSE?

>>18430375
Yes and no
Jesus has ton of people to help on his list so you gotta wait for your turn
Satan gives wishes fast but wants jew payment

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>>18423742
>satan
>Jewish working machine
Jewish working machine is satans work op, why do you bitch and moan about it?

dude, just get a job and leave your mother's house. Go live with your actual father, or your grandmother, or with a friend.

Evildoing over your own soul because of petty hatred is one of the lowest, vilest acts of despair and ridicule that one can achieve.

Meditate and look for things to be grateful for. Life is eternal -- don't suffer for an eternity because of the few years you're stuck in the "same" body.

Besides, I truly believe the sell-your-soul thingy is just a meme. Maybe you can sign some sort of shitty contract, where you can get your stepdad killed and then die one week later.

Meh, not worth it. You'll also feel guilt, whether you believe it or not now.

>>18423778
Did he take your playstation or something? You just have to show satan you'rethe edgiest guy around, so far you're winning.

Well ok i agree that daily life is very systematic and boring but signing with the devil isnt a way out

OK the crappy watermark in OP's image sucks:
https://is.4chan.org/x/1481682916313.jpg

But those hands, WTF. Try holding your hands that way.

>>18423742

Why the hell would the devil waste his limited time and resources to purchase a soul that he's going to get in the end anyway?

And your solution is to have a very shitty afterlife?

>>18431856
That's only if you submit to Lucifer.

If you submit to Yahweh then Lucifer can't have your soul.

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>>18423926
Heh, everybody wants to be a rockstar dont they?

>>18423818
« Sectarian schools, not faith schools.Changes afoot at richarddawkins.net »
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled
July 26, 2009 by PeterM
You may believe in the Devil, but do you know who he really is?

It’s often said that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. But was it? I reckon he did something a lot more subtle and pernicious

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>>18424003
Among other thing im sure he will want. Dont think youre backing out haha

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>>18427357
Maybe, if he doesnt kill him first after giving his gifts

>>18433196
No but he can torment him til the endtimes

>>18431392
fucking lol'd

>>18423742
the devil is simply the ego. we all have him inside of us.

Do more reading, look at what all very successful people have.

use drugs and alcohol, read satanic literature until you become schizo...

then when you hear voices channel satan late at night under a full moon or halloween.

let him guide you down the left hand path to sacrificing animals orgies and fascism

actually at that point the only challenge is to avoid devoting yourself to another god such as set or enki or some other pagan god

trust me I know from experience

>>18423742
On the real, this is a bad idea.
However, if you really think you wanna go thru with this, pick up a satanic bible and start there. As far as the contract; I have no clue what you'd ask big D for but either way it needs to be signed and thumb stamped in red ink. No joke. Flesh & blood men / woman always sign with red ink to symbolize blood. Good luck and let us know how it goes!