How to get over depression and finally experience world at it

Someone told me i have foetal alcohol syndrome for a face

I feel the same way you do. Universe is massive but small, a big universe in one atom, it exists within itself as it references itself perfectly. It's a closed system with perfect laws, everything falls into place in a system.

I have a computer science degree which is pretty much just like studying the universe, creating objects, ensuring an engine is remebering where the object is, allowing the object to be modified but to remember where it was and is going

>>18356334
I really believe that if you have depression, there is something you should be fulfilling that you are not.

you need to dig deep and figure out all the things that are missing from your life. personal fulfillments, wants, needs not being met, lack of satisfaction in places where you once felt satiated... once you figure out who you are and what is missing from your identity, it will become much easier to bridge the gap.

I chose to do the psychoactive drug DMT to accelerate this. it was amazing to me to have it all handed to me, like a Wikipedia entry all about my life and what I needed to correct in it.

First of all you won't destroy natural balance because as you said, you are a part of the universe. Everything's fine bro, I understand you feel anxiety but that doesn't make you an anxious or depressed person. As you said earlier, we're not even really people. Don't identify with the weird feels, watch them pop up and leave. As far as friends and stuff, work back into it. Space out social events with time to reflect afterwards. Mostly just don't get stuck in your head or your gut. Take time before you act, don't be subject to other people or your own emotional states

>>18356393
I'm about to try ayahuaska ritaul(most psychodelic plant), it is said that it helps to overcome any kinds of problems. Tried shroom 2 times so far, desu helped a lot but only for few days(so what is the point). I've got pretty shitty childhood, whole my life thought everything is cool until now when effects started to show up.

>>18356396
There was a time I were hanging with guys and ,,it" starts and they kinda brainwashed me. I'm not type of person who is scared and runs away, so I tried to show them in some way that I'm not(Wanted to do same coz I thought this is all about). And it ended up in this way that now EVERYTHING I see, anyone I hear I got the feeling their saying some shit toward me.

try water fasting. worked for me.

As cliché as it sounds, professional help from a therapist is very helpful. If they're good at what they do, they have a way of giving you a different, horizon-broadening perspective on every issue that is tormenting you. Eventually through this process, you realize that your life is not a fatality and that by moving forward, it will get better.
SSRIs might help, but only if you experience anhedonia to the point that you can't bring yourself to do activities you used to enjoy.