What is the /x/ consensus on Rasputin? I don't understand

His pickled penis is in a jar on display in some russian museum.

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I really, really like his rap battle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT2z0nrsQ8o

My great great babushka said he was the firmest she ever had

>>18097950
Now the whole world can see that the best mc is x KGB from the former CCCP!

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>>18097925
>What is the /x/ consensus on Rasputin?
Ras/Putin you said

he was possessed. That's the reason it was so hard to kill him. It explains his eyes and inhuman sexual appetite.

>>18097925
He had a hueg dick

I have much scarier eyes than him

His dick was so great they had it pickled. Really OP, there's not much more you need to say about the guy.

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>>18098180

>explains his eyes and inhuman sexual appetite.


Kekekekekekek

>He had a hueg dick
so did the relapse who I raped away the virginity of. Nice, huge, cock. Too bad that kid got herpies like 4 months after I raped his virginity away!


>channels Moloch
>wow Moloch is actually a really nice guy, guys

Dear John,

Samael has selected you for human sacrifice. This has already happened.
(Oh, and, just fyi, black magic ceremonial magic doesn't actually kill the human sacrifice when performed correctly.)
You may or may not realize this. Much of the suffering in your life is because of how you have been procured for me by the Golden Bull.

I realized that we were connected ethereally when I spent the night with a fae shaman, and my curse was transferred to the other members of the local Temple of Satan. (Vlad is safe. KurJ should have no problems. Idk about that one black girl with the fangs, but I'm pretty sure that she'll come around to my side in time. Oh, and Odin? That kid is my nigger. He is very pure and our Gods smile upon him.)

You, however...? You have been selected to suffer. The very reason for this selection is because I am vain enough to believe myself to be a merciful God, and I am acutely aware of your reaction to this message.

>continued

Mostly, I fear for your child. As you may or may not know, a way to defeat your programming without accessing the administrative consciousness is to video tape yourself while you sleep. Yes, your paranoia is correct. Keep the cameras rolling, and your child is safe. Don't worry about going on vacation, ect, because your parasitic daemon will not feel comfortable to come out and play in a strange environment. Yes, I'm talking about the brainwashing. Your kid was the first thing I thought of when I realized that you were aware.

I'm sorry that you remember. It is a part of the original programming that you should not remember, but apparently some people actually believe me when I tell them that I am the anti-Christ, considering that I played a key part in the fall of the American Illuminati (oh boy. is that an exciting scene for a kid like me to be on, right now!).

Anyway, my point is that you are loved.
Your wife wanted a baby. You wanted a baby.
The two of you really shouldn't have gotten married. Why are you being made to suffer like this? So that *MY* father, whom needed a child and had no woman he loved to bear me, may be spared of the pain that you are experiencing right now.

You are correct. It is righteous. You are righteous. You made it.
We love you.

...and if you ever need a hug, I won't be getting my tits cut off until at least next summer...
Which is pretty hilarious, because the last 2 or 3 times that I have hugged you, I felt like a perve because of the way that I felt your hips and the curve of your body, despite how you obviously enjoyed it.

Yeah, damn, man. The demons are proud of you. Congratulations. :-)

>>18098258
Where do i sign up for samael's sacrifice service?

>>18098268

PS: It'll be less awkward if you tell people that I'm 27, considering that your circles would consider that to be a very believable age in my case.

>>18098316

You have Samael's fucking phone number, dude.

The kid on here that wrote the FUCKING BIBLE***** seems to be the only one who agrees with me that no one should block my number because sometimes I fuck myself over and need help.


****
>be 18
> be no sleep
>be acid from new years eve party (not the awkward one, the year before that)

>bf puts on demon wife
>"I am the demon that shall not be tempted"
>"I also did you a favor and wrote the bible"

>host's greatest childhood accomplishment is memorizing the English translation of his Christian Bible

>host can recite the bible
>wishes that host would be a better whore for me

kek

>>18098349
SAMAEL WAS GOING TO TELL YOU
that he would be willing to writhe like a gay snek with you because that is herpies-free

why is chrstianity so strong in you guys
>respects christians
>willing to wear the label
>lives in Catholic Worker household

>wishes you guys would stop being so weird about it.

>>18098316

I can tell you right now that torturing cats is not a part of it.

>was the cat
>remembers being the cat
>was so traumatized that it carried over into this life

>gf also remembers being the cat


>samael loves being poly

>>18098258
>>18098268
>>18098316
>>18098338
>>18098349
>>18098358
>>18098366
FUCK OFF FUCKING ROLEPLAYERS stop fucking ruining this thread.

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>>18098736
or this gentlemen will take care of you
you dumb roleplayers

He is no Ras, but he is a Putin

>>18098914
thank you.

Well, if you seriously wanna know, some say he was a Khilist, which is a russian sect which believes that for salvation, one must partake in both the profane and the sacrosanct

He never died

He is putin

>>18098243
kekekek