So, hypothetically, if I wanted to sell my soul to Satan for

You can't sell your soul. Haven't you read the Gita?

Not a good deal. He doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.

>>17975420
>>17975427
My question is still unanswered.

>>17975401
go to a cross roads at the witching hour, make sure it is pitch black.

Light one red candle inside a pentagram a kneel.

Give yourself to Him and declare your hearts desire.

He will come to you and with in time you will have everything you wished for.

Just buy a 2nd hand iphone 4 you prick

Just go into politics, they'll hook you up.

Make a deal with a young one, you sily cunt

Why Satan? That's so patriarchy.

>>17975401
1. Stop believing in retarded dichotomies and polarizing agents and forces.
2. Make a deal with yourself, realizing that all rituals are essentially the same.
3. Reap benefits of your own intention's reward.

>>17975401
can't be done and satan cant give you anything for anyway soul selling is a myth

File: tumblr_norxt14AIV1uvq3s5o1_1280.jpg (99KB, 723x604px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 723x604px

>>17975401

Story from grandma,
Find a Black Cat, cats are a gift from the gods.
Find a river, that draw a pentagram, is like you need, a river = water, shore of the river= earth, a cat = spirit, matches = fire, vapor = air.
You have to call Satan's name, close to the river, make the deal you want wealth power I don't know, then offer the cats spirit as present, kill the black cat, put him in a bowl, burn the cat in fire.
If he is pleased he should appear.
And then he will do businesses with you.
Profit.
Then soul condemned for the eternity.

File: stora-hochbettgestell__0159579_PE316041_S4.jpg (25KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 500x500px

>14 y/o me
>massive loner/edgelord
>believe i should be above human
>on one day, i start praying to satan
>do it over the complete day
>at night, sleep in pic related
>can't sleep, hear a bunch of weird noise in my room although i was 100% certain noone got in my room
>almost shit myself, was so scared
>think stuff like "please, don't do anything, i take everything back, leave me alone"
>noise and whispering goes away
>picked up a bible the next morning
>never told anyone
This was one of the creepiest experiences of my life.

>>17975401
typical cuck, buy his soul instead.

File: 56fbe918747ca-932x620.jpg (159KB, 932x620px) Image search: [Google]

159KB, 932x620px

>>17978685
>Be me
>Wish upon a star to become a transcendent human
>Realize my potential as the author of "reality" and my heritage as a fucking star forging celestial dragon

>>17975401
Go to your local Synagogue and offer to serve them for wealth and power.

>>17978685
U just heard those noises you have to get rid of all the negative feelings towards demons and and become free thinking and able to form new ideas I was the same way

I wouldn't recommend it. If any of the words or lettering is done wrong, you could end up accidentally selling your soul to Stan Powalski from New Jersey, and next thing you know, he's put it up on the stock market, and it's being traded back and forth, and it becomes a big chore trying to find it, and by the end of it all, you've spent more money than what your soul was originally worth.....so, yeah, don't do that.

>>17975438
actually, that first guy did answer your question

no wonder you can't sell your soul, you can barely read

pee in your own mouth

File: aaaaaaaaaaaaa.gif (87KB, 192x197px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 192x197px

>>17975438
selling your soul is a metaphor. like for people that enrich themselves from sin and human misery- theyre "selling their soul to the devil" You will have to achieve your goal using nonfictional means like the rest of us

>>17975401
You already have.

File: M=orangutan-wetting.png (89KB, 320x257px) Image search: [Google]

89KB, 320x257px

>>17979943
like this?

File: 1470015377716.jpg (22KB, 320x414px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 320x414px

you cant , you are saitan.

File: Sold my soul to King Satan.jpg (96KB, 515x916px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 515x916px

>>17975401

The four squares in this image are the altars and blood I used to sell my soul to King Satan.

I can and will answer any question asked of me.

>>17975401
He already owns it, dumbass. Unless you have made a profession of faith, you're already his...performing some stupid ritual is just doubling down. It's like renewing your vows after years of marriage.

You can't. Just like God, he doesn't exist.

>>17980926
How do you know he is king? What if he lied to you?

>>17982606
:p

>>17975401
God owns your soul. Not you.

>>17982927
kill yourself and see whats real.

>>17975401
What if i try to sell my soul to satan, but Crowley appears instead and tells me "hello there boy".

>>17978685

I "sold my soul to satan" and he showed up, was alright. Bitched it a few years later though, regret it because satans a pretty alright dude

>>17978685
Wait what year was this?

>>17980926
looks like an incomplete opamp circuit

did you sell your soul in exchange for better electrical knowledge?

>>17975401
Go to your local bank, look for the banker with a jewy name , sit down and state your terms

>>17976161
>evil smell mentioned like five times
please explain

>>17975401
Look for a black poodle, trap it an then Force it to transform.

>>17975401.....we're listening.....
...type it here clearly and we will review your request

>>17975452
Nah, if you read Folklore, that's the way to get torn to pieces right away. If you summon the devil and don't protect yourself, he'll just take your soul right away, without offering you anything.

Methods from Folklore:
-reading from the Bible or a prayer book at night at the gallows, crossroads or a way of the cross
-cooking a human skull in a lot
-reading something called St. Gertrud's Book aloud, -reading it backwards will make him go away again
-chance
-being suicidal
-being in childbed

File: 1468297486438.jpg (949KB, 1699x2196px) Image search: [Google]

949KB, 1699x2196px

>>17975401
just say "I invite the devil into my body" everyday and you'll be anally fucked by his humongous cock for the rest of your existence

Satan means 'adversary'. Eve if you could sell your soul, why would you want to sell it to your enemy?

File: SCP666 or whatever you cunts.jpg (17KB, 450x338px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 450x338px

>>17988624
I'd go for the crossroads at midnight, myself.

Not that I would.

Don't sell your soul, kids.

>>17975401
Spin in circles, masturbate furiously, and recite "Rutti tutti fresh n' fruity, Satan, please be gentle with my booty" six times.

>>17975401
work hard for it and make lots of sacrifices untill what you sacrifice for becomes larger then yourself and you will end up sacrificing yourself to make it greater and the deal is done

>>17980926
>I can see you now
>fat, in an invader zim sweatshirt
>sharpie "tattoos" on your hands and your converse sneakers
>every class you are in you have that fucking goddamn sketchbook on your desk open, while you have your textbook closed

>>17989600
This. Works every time.

>>17988608
how do you protect yourself against the lord of all fallen angels exactly