Aight, this is by far the most fucked up shit that has ever happened

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Aight, this is by far the most fucked up shit that has ever happened in my life. Last night, myself and two other girls, let's call them T and A, decided to hang out. Here is what happened.

>Proceeding to walk behind closed supermarket
>A suddenly complains that she needs to go to toilet
>After about 10 minutes of arguing, we all reluctantly decided to go to T's house, which was like 5 minute walk from current location
>Tripped over gutter and fell on my ass walking up a hill
>Good work, OP
Few hours later
>After we got there, we couldn't be bothered going back out again
>Ended up just hanging out until about 3:30am
This is where shit goes to the fucking deep end of the pool.
>Go out onto T's balcony to have cigarette right outside her room
>Suddenly hear bushes rustling from neighbours property
>Sounds like someone sneaking through them
>Something then shatters over there
>What the actual fuck
>Silence
>Fucking ripping bushes apart in my direction
>fuckthisshit.exe
>Get inside, lock the fucking door, put damn TV cabinet against door
>That fucker ain't getting in
>T and A see obvious panic and ask the fuck is going on
>Explain, now all freaked out
>Then we all hear it
>The one motherfucking thing that will creep me out the fucking most for the rest of my life
>Someone is breathing right where the window is
>This window is like 2 metres higher than the balcony, which alone is like a 3 meter drop
>Only explanation is that someone can get on a roof 2 stories high in about 15 seconds from next door's property
>no fucking way
>Next thing that happens, we call the cops
>Hear someone climb onto balcony, meters from our door
>Dial cops
>Cops arrive, find chairs ripped apart on balcony, shit thrown around the backyard
>Cops leave, were freaking out
>Put on Eurotrip to calm the fuck down
>Wait until sunrise to leave
>Go back home

I would've said it was a burglar, but it doesn't explain the breathing 5 FUCKING METRES IN THE AIR.
The fuck happened, /x/?