>be spooky kid >looked like a skellington >read a lot

>>17017228
That's what "do what thou wilt" leads to in this present day, same for "god is dead"

You know you could easily learn about Buddhism and read a gospel or something man. Even reading stuff like the Bhagavad Gita will help clarify some stuff you have been seeking.

Alright.

>>17017235
>implying I haven't read Buddhism or Gospels
So I just need to find God and I'll be cured? Thanks, Dad.

>>17017228
>and yet they do not fall prey to the yawing abyss
they're probably just too stupid to realize that they've gone crazy or that their ideas are inconsistent/illogical/nonsensical. you seem intelligent enough. you seem to have some common sense. get stable, and i'm sure you'll be able to come back to spirituality eventually. don't be discouraged, life is long.

>>17017228
ru a grill? sounds very familiar to a friend of mine. she lives in phoenix and is on this path. shes 31 yrs old.

>>17017228
>wanted to do acid
stopped reading there
>taking a drug that came from a MK ULTRA mind control experiment
>boohoo my mind is fucked

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>>17017228
Maybe you prepared yourself too much, maybe you were too careful, maybe you thought about it too much? The trip is a wave, you can only ride it. Or else it's gonna sweep you away.

>>17017318
>a compound invented in the 30's is used by MKUltra 20+ years later, and is dropped because the effects were unreliable for MKproject goals is therefore certain to ruin your brain

>>17017312
^That. Eat some tranquilizers, focus on mundane life, take a nap or two, and get back on the horse when you unfuck yourself.

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>>17017278
underrated retort

>>17017228

Here his how you do similar work and never go crazy.


The thing you have to do is never get invested in what you see/experience. Remember it's all illusion. Never jump to conclusions or try to read too much into what you are shown.


If you actually paid attention to any of the spiritual stuff you read, you would have gotten the message that Thinking is not the answer. Just clear your mind, and be present in the moment. Thinking will take you round in round in circles forever: "maybe I'm a brain in a vat", "maybe there are parallel realities where my daddy loved me", "if x and y, that means z!"

When you are doing spiritual work you have to just let it all go, clear your mind, detach from thought.

Intelligence has nothing to do with being spiritually advanced. It is "intelligent" people that tend to have their heads the farthest up their asses.


Those people who you think are "stupider" than you, they probably did psychedilecs right, dancing and having a good time and cutting loose instead using to attain egotistical goal.s

>>17017228
I'm right with you OP, though I never did any psychedelics. I honestly believe that psychiatric meds do more harm than good and will lull you into meaningless depression. At least when we're crazy we believe in something and live for something, though we don't really understand what it is and it might be scary sometimes. It's scarier living in meaningless shit. I thought I was the Antichrist and had to kill myself in order to transform into The Beast. Almost every day I wish that I had succeeded so I would have died believing in something. I've been off my meds for a few weeks but I think I'm too far gone and all my ambition for life has been sucked out. I'm just waiting for death to see what it'll be like. I would give anything to go back to how I was before I was crazy, or even to go back to when I was crazy. It's like being in a nightmare that you're in control of.

>>17017228
Stare anywhere and look for tiny flying saucers in ur peripheral vision. I do this at night looking at the sky when i feel weird. Then try talking to the saucers. See if they will play hide n seek. Remember we are not alone and they are good.

MIB

>>17017378

This

You're basically dead in the third density. Believe me. Any attempt to remove your existential veilings of life are performed by a brain, isolated and consistently doubtful of its very own thoughts. Drugs are great in every density if you have faith in them. But if you try thinking while using drugs, that might depend how your thoughts can stay rational and not be ready to rend your soul and the existence of all creation on a whim. Basically it's some demons harsher than what the imaginations of most people would consider giving you the feeling that the rug is about to be pulled out from under you. Unless you "remember" this each time, preventing panic and the loss of your shit, your meditations can continue unimpeded. But it's easier to just do this in the higher realms where you can listen to your life and your environment even more easily. Without the need for drugs. That's why drugs are great in every realm. Thinking must not be a drug then because it sucks in some densities.

Wow this.... really struck home with me.

Also a lover of 8 circuits theory, have also checked myself into a psych ward for shit I could have dealt with on my own. I needed the slap in the face of realizing how retarded the doctors and drugs they give are.

You need to stop taking the robot matrix pills IMMEDIATELY. Do you have a friend who can "trip sit" you through whatever bullshit you go through coming back to Earth?

Try salvia or dmt instead of acid

After shrooms or mdma to help you heal from this bullshit

You've read Prometheus Rising, right? It outlines how to unlock the higher circuits without any drugs...

In fact, as we have both learned, the only way to imprint them and stay in them is to achieve the, without chemical cheat codes.

Good luck, my friend. I am right here beside you, we all are.

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>>17017318
>retard detected

>>17017480
psych meds are there if you honestly cant get through this without.
i thought "i can do this myself" and so i have.
maybe some people just can't.

>>17017378
how can you tell when it's egotistical

>>17018108
>how can you tell when it's egotistical
Come on, it's self explanatory for crying out loud

Be an acceptable kind of crazy
Dont forget everything is absurdity
BANISH!! BANISH!!!BANISH!!!

>>17018133
doesn't seem like it.
i heard about this idea of spiritual materialism
how people basically go around reading and learning about all these different ideas just to show them off like holo pokemon cards the next chance they get.

is it when you learn something and apply it to your life that it doesnt become egootistical?
for example, all this fella did was shoot down my idea.
its easy to do that, isnt it?
why not take my thought and let it grow

>see jupiter ascending
>angels are genetically engineered supersoldiers created to fight for an interstellar empire of superhumans
>reptiles and grays are their subordinates
>we're farmed meat and entertainment for intergalactic royalty and other rich fucks from other planets
>next time i visit the montauk chair, john constantine style, i'm going with a drunk black guy and shia lebouf
>gonna go play in the black intel fields bye nao derp :D

OP here.


Lots of good comments so far. Keep 'em coming.

Just finished reading The Maze of Death by Phillip K. Dick. So nihilistic.

>group of settlers sent to a new planet
>when they're about to receive their mission the satellite fails
>none of them have vehicles that can leave the planet
>slowly they start dying one by one
>their last resort is a prayer sent into space
>everyone believes some trinitarian thought about God and the Form Destroyer
>one kid is a mystic
>they learn that the planet is terra
>they start to hypothesize that they're criminally insane and are quarantined on planet
>mayhem and apocalypse occur
>everyone dies
>everyone wakes up aboard a spaceship
>they're engines are dead but life support still works
>they're stuck orbiting a star
>their only entertainment is a game which simulates being on another planet by melding minds
>at the end they re-enter the game and head to the same planet


Goddamn. Life is a mess. Well, I guess I'll start talking to my psychiatrist about going lower.

>>17017228
>using drugs for spiritual purposes
>not practicing meditation, magick, and energy work

You're not gonna make it.

>am I spiritually defective?
I am not a stranger to this.
People that are into this stuff around me get results.
I only get nightmares.

>>17018413
at what point do I say I wasn't practicing meditation, magick and energy work? i still do to this day

baka desu senpai

crowley himself said he is Satan
.... And you read his works and did drugs.... And ur life has led to this ...... stop doing drugs bro

>>17018549
I've read extensively. I've read The New Testament and Old Testament as well. It is not impossible in my mind that many of the great prophets were tripping acai or cannabis. Aleister Crowley said many strange and ridiculous things. That he was God as well. His writings are nonetheless a fascinating example of mysticism.

>>17018549
When did he actually say that?

>>17017228
Nice blog post faggot.

You were over-thinking during your trip and went inward. What your experiencing is depersonalization/derealization disorder. You dont need meds. For the next year try not to be alone or stay inside to avoid the weird thoughts. Try and be with friends as much as possible and occupy your mind with something else. Its really shity i know but you will be fine.

>>17017228
your brain's chemistry has been fucked up beyond repair

shut up and take your meds until you get better and can live a normal life again

>>17017228
I almost went insane aswell. I've been on the edge a few times. My dad once called the doctor because he litteraly thought i was going insane.

>>17017228
Shut up, Shane

>>17017228
U got stuck on level 6, not only that your fear took hold.

And the pharmacom fucked u up bad.

>>17017228
>"Reads" Nietzsche
>Does drugs

You clearly didn't get much out of Nietzsche did you?

>>17017228
Ayahuasca time, Anon. Ayahuasca time.

test

>>17019751
Nietzsche was against drugs that dulled the senses like alcohol and opiates, I don't know what he would have thought about psychedelics or if he ever mentioned them.

>>17017228
As far as I was aware, escaping the physical plain means disregarding the physical plain. If you think you're going mad, it's because you're going

sane

>>17017378
you don't HAVE to let go. that's where Black Brothers come from.

>>17017278
Lol you sound so immature, that's why you failed more than likely

Your not alone OP. Similar experience happened to me from 19-22. Last year I took my self off the meds and just stopped worrying about whether I'm going insane or nnot. I've gotten really into anti-cosmic Gnosticism for the past two years and it has helped me immensely. All the rhp routes just never jived with me because they are illusions as well dressed in light and piety. One of the best things I did fort self was "come out" to my friends that I'm a "satanist". Even though I'm not, being able to talk about it amongst peers even slightly really helped me. They even respects for it. Unless your criminally insane and a serious danger to others, the pharma meds are Wack man.

>>17017228
idiot. I'm completely sober as of one year ago and everything is easier and more clear and less soul and heart shatteringly depressing now.

>>17019797
Psychedelics are an escape from reality, used in the same way as alcohol, Christianity, and other drugs. They're still bad because you use them to escape what is real.

>>17017228
>human instrumentality
kek
you almost had me

>>17019899
Have you ever done a psychedelic or hallucinogen? Have you heard of a "bad trip"? They absolutely are NOT escape methods. They alter the way you view reality, they bring every last bit of dirt to the surface, or reveal every facet of truth and beauty. They absolutely do not help you escape anything. Unless you want to escape into madness.

>>17020156
It may seem that it makes everything "surreal" to your edgy 15 year old self, but the only way to accurately interpret the world is uninhibited. Also >>Unless you want to escape into madness. Proves that it is an escape, it shifts your view of the world into something else. Just a personal view, but definitely makes more sense that viewing the world unchanged is more accurate.

>>17020181
You don't make any sense, dude. Drugs lower inhibitions. They are chemical cheat codes for achieving new states of consciousness. Obviously getting there through meditation/yoga/epiphanies is far superior, but good drugs can and do help many people get there.

Madness is not a true escape if you are aware you are mad. Just look at OP -- does he seem happy in his escapism?

>>17020221
>>Achieving new states of consciousness
Doesn't seem like altering your perception of reality? And a descent into madness isn't exactly keeping your shit straight.

>>17017228
You dont fucking use drugs spiritualy, they cant help you that way. All you do is live an illusion, and once you conguse that illusion with spirituality and thus real life - you go insane. Try to be spiritual sober, then youll not only heal yourself from the psychiatric problems but realize true spiritual experience.