So life story time, I'm a dependent of my parents, and over

>>332931

Believe me, you will break your parents hearts if you kill yourself. That really would destroy their lives.

They will do whatever is necessary to help you cope with your difficulties, if you allow them to do so.

If it bankrupts them, so be it, I am sure that they would still believe that their best efforts had been worthwhile.

You have a life worth living, let them do their best to help you enjoy it as much as possible.

>>332943
I have hands that can no longer grip things because of fuck knows why, specialists threw their arms up at this and said tendonitis I can't stand long because of my back and If that wasn't the case, my feet also suck, possibly arthritis in my knees, this issue came to light after I had no insurance anymore so educated guess based on symptoms, my life is barely worth living without this most recent bullshit. them bankrupting themselves is not worth it to me and them fucking up the next 20~ years of their lives for me would definitely push me over what edge there is left anyway so before they fuck themselves over I would have to prevent that.

My however, if I go to a doctor and all the medical debt is on me I can just declare bankruptcy and they aren't fucked, but what little I have to my name that's in the system is gone and I go on with life as usual.

>>332948

You can express your fears and compassionate feelings VERY eloquently: and that definitely makes your life worthwhile to your family and friends.

I can only guess what might maintain your quality of life at a reasonable level, but I suggest that Professor Stephen Hawking has contributed as much as, if not even more than, almost anyone else alive:

..... in terms of human knowledge, understanding and especially for his courage & determination despite almost unbearable adversity.

HE knows what makes HIS life worthwhile, to himself, his family, his friends and to the rest of humanity.

Something makes YOUR life worth living, for you, the love of YOUR family, and the respect of YOUR many friends.

I have no idea what your problems are really like, but I still believe you have quality of life that makes it worth living, and that you still have a contribution to make to the quality of life of your family and friends.

Give them hope and let them help you to preserve that same hope for better future for you all.

I really hope this attempt to play a meaningful piece of music for you works the way it is intended to:

[ hopefully it will kick in at about 04m:08s on a piece called "Hope" ];

https://youtu.be/aCfQjHeY7Hs?t=4m8s

>>332961
stephen hawking liked thinking, and even with his body deteriorated to the shit state it is, he can continue doing what he dedicated his life to.
what I like doing, was playing drums, well my hands ended that fun hobby I had.
I thought of writing even if it was just fanfic because I thought it was fun trying to think of how everyone would act given situation x, typing 2000 characters can sometimes not be a thing I can do, fun thing is this happened shortly after I got a mechanical keyboard making typing even easier then it was prior.
fuck it, ill lay down and watch anime, my eyes to bad to the point even with new prescription glasses they cant focus on the text, Have to sit up and be close to the monitor but how long till that's not an option, and this would be one of the few things that could go wrong to the point of me just killing myself that day.
you know what, I like walking around and thinking, it helps me get rid of distractions, you know what, ill see If I can make myself do something I never was able to in school, actually run a mile and not stop, day 3, my back hurts and i'm done, if someone was behind me and the only way I could escape them was crawling away I couldn't back hurt to much, so that ended that, and now 800 in the hole because I got a treadmill, I want to say on a normal day I was walking 1 - 2 hours, for around a year I recorded the time because I wanted to see how long I walked for, I can see the fucking day that I gave up walking after 2 months of going from a 1:30 average down to 40, down to 20, and finally 10.
back when I had insurance I told a doctor about most of these issues, and he did not give one flying fuck about me, the specialist told me if there was something wrong with my hands that there was nothing he could do anyway.
I gave up a long time ago and am only coasting till my body either kills me, i cant read, or I cant play games. I wont let my parents bankrupt themselves for the few years ill put up with left

>>332970

Ohh, dude, YOU were a drummer.
Ohh, Respect !

I really think you should listen, again and again, to some of the immortal greats, like:
Ginger Baker, Bill Bruford, and Keith Moon.

Some people can't even comprehend how good they were, but I am sure that you can.

Moon [ 1946 - 1978 ] lived his life to the greatest possible extent, then sadly died aged 32, and (I believe) without ever regretting a single second of his amazing life.

They were ( I imagine ) amongst your role-models, and if so:

..... you owe it to them to find out everything you possibly can about their lives and awesome talents,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csexneGuMUg

Listen to him, maintain the rhythm, and don't interrupt the flow of time. "Impose yourself" and don't even contemplate the time when you might "take yourself out".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csexneGuMUg

Don't interrupt the flow:

make the most of your whole life, like Moonie
( my favourite drummer of all time),

..... but then again I never heard you play (YET). Nevertheless, I still live in hope that you might overcome your problems and play again so I can be in awe of your talents, like I was with Baker, Bruford, and Moon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MenwABGuYM

Listen to them and give thanks for their inspirational lives:

Lives just like yours as far as your family and friends are concerned.

Believe it.

>>333007

and I REALLY do wish they hadn't topped themselves, and I always will, no matter why they thought it was best to do so for that trivial yet catastrophically devastating instant in time.