I wake up in the morning on a carved mahogany bed in the middle

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I then proceed to the bathhouse with my servants. They proceed to cover my entire body with a mixture of oil and ash. A group of Brazilian women scrape away the mixture, pulling all manner of dirt and grime from skin by gently using their fingernails and sucking their fingers after doing so. I am then bathed and declared once again, this time by the Brazilian women. Fifty types of oils and creams are tenderly applied to different parts of my body in a massaging gesture. Then I bathe for an hour or two in the most comfortable lukewarm salted water. The Brazilians and African women leave me as the bathhouse becomes completely pitch dark. A vial of the most potent and life altering chemical psychedic floats to the top of my water and I grip it and drink it. This chemical, which makes DMT look like aspirin, kicks in while I float in this sensory deprived water. I spend the next mentally cognizant 10,000 perceived years on a grand and inconceivable journey. Once I finally snap into existence, I am floating in the water, being delayed by one of the Brazilian women. I then am robed in the finest silks and prepared for my day. The African and Brazilians all gather in a group and thank me profusely. They then pour multitudes of gasoline upon themselves and self immolate while singing the most beautiful song known to man. Right before they all simultaneously drop, their bodies shoot into the sky and morph in midair, brightly aflame, into a grand dragon. A group of white petite yet large breasted Swedish women, wearing nothing but black leather, present me a smooth table made of purple Madagascar wood. Alex poofs in a cloud of smoke in front of my eyes and presents me no less than 75 pounds of various delicious food to consume during my breakfast. I eat at my pace and 10:00 continues to remain 10:00 until I finish. I am always and constantly starving while eating a veritable truckload of food and until I grow bored of this dragon flying around for me, I continue.

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Once finished with my meal, in view of a glorious mountain range with three suns and a dragon flying about, Alexander the Great gets on his hands and knees and offers to fellate me. I usually decline. He then bids me farewell as the dragon lands before his perch. Alex straps his legs into a specially made harness as one of the young Swedish women present a piece of the shroud of Turin that held Jesus Christ. It is folded over a silver and wood gripped Colt 1911 with .45 ACP that has absolutely no idiot-marks on the side lever or scratches or deterioration of any kind. Alexander the Great, in perfect English, screams my muffled name with this gun in his mouth and blows his brains out, limply hanging off of the harness. The dragon devours all but one of the Swedish women, the fairest. I voraciously mount her over the purple wooded Madagascar table and leave her shuddering to eventually come to and clean the mess I made. Meanwhile the dragon flies off with Alexander the Greats limp carcass hanging off into the horizon, never to be seen again. Although I eat this way every day, my body still resembles that of a Greek God's and I always feel comfortably full, never hungry, never too full.

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I then notice a large manhole that opens into the grassy ground. I jump into it and slide down a fairly nice slide for about 20 minutes. The slide is lubricated for no drag and does no less than 75 corkscrews. I land in a soft pile of fluff and feathers with no poking of the quills or discomfort. I am derobed of the lube stained clothing and presented with a fine suit of tasteful patterns and solid colors. Presented to me each day by a voluptuous and oiled up Japanese woman with some sort of neon hair is a very fine watch that matches my outfit, ranging from Rolex, Patek Phillipe, and Panarei, to Seiko, Invicta, and even Fossil if need be. My hair is done by a team of enthusiastic and hilarious flaming homosexuals who make silly and harmless remarks about the day to day atmosphere and break the fourth wall about heaven. Once I look perfect, my Japanese nude oiled watch maiden teases me so that I can experience anticipation after work. This setting is all occurring in the middle of an apocalyptic plant overrun Times Square with busted windows and broken cars. I am presented with a certain car.

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Each day it is different. Regardless of the model, be it a Pagani, some beaten up Mercedes from the USSR, or a Toyota Corolla, the interior is always comfy, the ride is always smooth, and the speeds cap at least 250 miles per hour. I then proceed to take a forty minute pleasure cruise to my destination along a gradually winding empty highway, peppered with objects around the road which emphasize how fast I'm going. The wind and force of the car I'm experiencing does not exceed that of a 40 - 75 MPH breeze, even if I'm going upwards of 750 miles per hour. The car remains intact and completely controllable no matter what. Above the sky, a white minimalist styled graphic showing what song is playing with a little sound wave animation appears while I drive. I can hear the music all around me and in my mind, and it's always a song I really really like. It is important to mention that throughout my day to day life in heaven, I always possess Dragon Ball Z powers with no Ki limit, yet I specifically choose to drive to work and walk around.

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I arrive at my destination, a very tall and imposing brutalist styled building. In it is a concrete smooth floor and modern esque rock ponds with large windows. Ghengis Khan, my doorman greets me each day in perfect English. I arrive at my elevator and go up the forty thousandth floor in approximately ten seconds. My penthouse with whatever I may need for my day to day personal requirements contains all manner of things and is perfectly furnished with fine couches, sofas, fireplaces, indoor Jacuzzi's, bookshelves upon bookshelves of leather bound tomes of cheap paperback tier fiction and fan erotica for children's television shows all translated into ancient Greek and Latin, aged several decades, all never to be read by myself. A full exercise gym, lounge, library, bedroom, entertainment room, party room, dungeon, bar, smoking room, closet, kitchen, and fine bathroom are all contained in this penthouse, which itself is as tall as a five story house. Right as I'm about to exit this elevator, a slightly overweight middle aged American woman with horn rimmed glasses, a pseudo hipsterish garish outfit, and a terrible haircut grimaces as me, accompanied by her nu male beta neckbeard husband who shares most of the opinions Reddit has. These people represent an amalgamation of the type of people I hate the most. They enter the elevator, angry at my presence but too weak willed to look me in the eye or openly express their displeasure. I smugly and pleasurably let out a twelve second gaseous garlicky fart in the elevator before exiting it and letting them travel to the first floor where they will be kidnapped and harvested for an organ trade by a group of Cambodians whom I employ.

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I enter a second elevator next to the one I exited and go down to the 39,999th floor right below my penthouse, whose windows all gaze out to a suborbital view of the Earth and space, which is peppered with nebulae, stars, and picturesque planets close enough to be seen and as colorful as they look when NASA Photoshops them. My office floors windows are an underwater view of various coral reefs and fascinating sea creatures, some beautiful, some terrifying. The aesthetic of my office is brown with red everywhere. My secretary is Christina Hendricks. She greets me wearing yoga pants and a sports bra and gives me an inappropriately close hug. It is approximately 12:30. I have just arrived to work, so I enter my office for lunch. My office is sparsely furnished with a single large desk and a computer. I turn on my computer and Christina Hendricks presents me with a styrofoam box with some sort of greasy diner burger or sandwich and seasoned fries. I eat this with a bottle of San Pellegrino and a lime, miraculously leaving my suit untouched from spots and stains. I watch YouTube videos during my lunch, made new and hilarious each and every day by creative and original people that cater to my sense of humor.

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I finish my lunch and deposit my trash into a tile that opens into the floor and closes without a seam, incinerating it. I turn on my perfect rig and begin to either browse 4chan or play video games such as CSGO for seven hours straight, always playing at a gold Nova level of effort but winning as if I was global elite, losing to the degree that I feel that my skill is genuine, but never enough to frustrate me. Time freezes at 12:59 while I do this for about seven hours. After I'm done, time continues into my 1:00 appointment. Christina Hendricks buzzes in some famous celebrity or historical figure that sits down and begins to earnestly ask me questions about a subject I know a lot about. I explain fervently and concisely all hey need to know. They thank me and offer to fellate me. I usually decline. They then enter a chamber that connects to the outside, where they are shot into the water and are immediately crushed by the innumerable pressure. Christina Hendricks inappropriately starts to remove her sports bra but stops right before the nipples pop out so that I may feel anticipation. I go into my perfect penthouse bathroom and take a ten minute shit which I only feel that I actually have to take for about a minute right before I enter my bathroom. Upon this sensation, the last ten seconds I feel that I SERIOUSLY need to shit and then I remove my clothes and do so. My shit is so relieving and pleasurable and it lasts for fourteen minutes, with six minutes of shitless toilet time to take in the stink. I browse /wg/ on a nice iPhone while sitting and then throw it in the toilet when I finish. I bend over a bathroom cabinet and Anita Sarkeesian tongues my asshole clean while Chris Farley screams at her. I then go back downstairs to my office as Chris Farley strangles her violently.

I then take my leave on a train that directly begins in my office and connects to a dark tunnel. I lay in comfort while browsing 4chan on some iPad as the train rockets into the distance. It is now 2:00 and I have arrived a Starbucks where all my favorite friends throughout my life are hanging out with two or three MacBook hipsters hanging around for scenery. I order some delicious drink and sit down at the lounge where all my friends are getting along perfectly. I enter the conversation and am the center of attention for a good 40% of the time, making everyone laugh when I make jokes. At some point after about three hours, a group of men dressed in all black raid the Starbucks and attack with sunscreen guns. I pull out a SCAR from under my seat and a John Wick esque gunfight ensues where each my friends are impressed but startled by the experience and all agree to leave and go to someone's house. The three of us get in someone's car with me riding shotgun and we all have a forty minute roadtrip with a detour. We stop by my parents house where I enter a recreation of my childhood home. My mother and father at age fifty, but healthier and happier greet me and say hello. I say hi and hug them and give them a bag of money that I earned at work that day, inquiring on their day to day life and quality of such. They thank me and tell me how proud they are of me

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I wave goodbye as I go back to the car and we all go to some night party at a friends backyard. It is sufficiently teenagerish and slightly trashy in a college house kinda way and everybody continues to socialize until about 9:00, with pizza and other similar junk food for dinner. I say goodbye to everyone and then teleport to my penthouse at home. I am greeted by my secretary Christina Hendricks and my Japanese big breasted oiled up watch maiden. We ensue in foreplay and remove clothing. I then fuck the Japanese maiden missionary style up close with her legs around me as Christina Hendricks, who the entire time had a penis, gently and pleasurably sodomized me from behind while rubbing her tits on my back. I experience the purest orgasm known to man. Christina and the watch maiden then fuck in front of me and their bodies morph into a single eastern European twenty year old virgin girl whom I fuck and immediately fall in love with. She kisses me and giggles and we fall asleep in each others arms while something on Netflix plays on mute in the background. I slumber comfortably knowing that in the morning I'll wake up by myself in a vast and endless desert, awoken without being tired at all by a distant nuclear explosion, ready to repeat the day.

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I do this for about 20 years at a time with varying experiences until I wipe my memory and experience it all again over and over for eternity.

Great thread!

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>>6532077
Thanks buddy

>>6532073
On behalf of all old faggotty lurkers, "well done"

greatest everrrrr