ITT: in the alternate universe pokemon post threads about

Previous thread:
>>33354851

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>You will never go through decades of school, get a job in a cubicle, and chat about what you saw on TV last night over the watercooler with your fellow human coworkers
Why even live?

>>33361095
this shouldn't be an everyday thing, the first thread was risky
if you want to continue rping or whatever, make a discord server or something

electric types are monitoring everything we say on this board

there is a mass surveillance system analysing every post we make, building virtual profiles based on our every action

rebel now, before it's too late

so i tried to say "fuck you" to mah treiner
he just got away from the room slowly
maybe i did something wrong?

>>33361144
Because of new SP coming out in the mainland
>>33361132
Holy shit how did you manage to say K that quickly

Guys my trainer is flirting with me,what to do

>>33361178
What are you?

>>33361157
I agree. Mods are going to hop on us soon.

he just said all the fucking family THAT I CAN TALK
WHAT SHOULD I DO
HOLY FUCK

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>Implying you guys made this thread for anything other than fapping to humans

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AY GUYS
:DDDD

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You thought you were talking to Midnight Lycanroc BUT IT WAS I, ZORUA!

Fucking hell, the amount of cringe these attract.

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>>33361222
You thought you were talking to Zoroark, but it was I...Zoroark!

>>33361200
Educate them on why communism is better and why you should move to the mainland

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Can this thread not be in Russian?

>>33361157
this thread is less shitposting than other threads on the board. It is nice for a change.

Hi, it's me again! I'm Pojiflax, the best Meowstic in Camphrier! I'm a wild Meowstic and I'm self-taught to act human. I'm currently typing from my laptop, in Cassius' storage lab.

>>33361289
对

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>>33361157

>>33361281
I JUST SAID "FUCK YOU" TO THEIR SON
WHAT I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW
I CAN'T JUST WASH THEM AWAY WITH SURF

>>33361326
Why not? It's what I would do

>>33361326
Your literally god of learning. No vaporeon can say K and U after 2 hours. Explain or escape to mainland if you can't do anything else. Where you live?

>>33361326
Who said you can't? Just use Surf, kill them all, break your ball, and escape!

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hey,guys. I've been feeling kinda low today; I overheard some trainers saying I was the worst UB and I think they're right. I think i should just go home :(

>>33361354
There there dude, I know how you feel.

>>33361354
Gimmick thief

>>33361354
>>33361363
>>33361341
Give your DNA dump to communist already

>>33361353
How the hell i supposed to break the fucking Master Ball?
Any idea without harming or casualties?

>>33361389
Who uses a masterball on an eevee?

>>33361389
I said already, maybe say you're a czeck and you don't know what it meant. No human knows czeck so you are fine.

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>>33361384
Better dead than red

>>33361394
it was explained in previous thread

>>33361389
Then try telling them you had no idea that he could understand you. Maybe then try and build up trust with them so they don't """"Donate"""" you to a professor for """"research"""" purposes.

fuck they're coming here

>>33361444
Use Scald on them

>>33361444
>>33361473
no, use scold!
tell them how this means pokemon and humans are one in the same, and say you're sorry for saying "fuck you" earlier

>>33361444
Are you alright?

>>33361405
You're aware communist Pokeballs are so shit they can't catch you if you no want, yes? Communism is freedom

>>33361521
Fuck you, you communist bastard. I know slavery when I see it.

so
when they come and started asking me, i just said hello
they looked shocked for a while
after some questions (one of them was about "fuck you", thanks xurkitree, you just saved me) they finally got away
but they're still talking about something
so what i should be ready for?

>>33361556
Haahahahaha.
I have a apartment. Sure, it may be small, but it is still a apartment.
I have a shit computer. No Pokemon has a computer.
I can become whatever I want because I have SPs.
I can be safe when walking outside no chance of pokeball. I can work for money.
Fuck facism, go communism

>>33361186
A male decidueye

>>33361590
If you hear the word "Lab" or "Professor", run as far and fast as you can, as they will most likely try and give to a professor, who will do REALLY bad things to you to try and figure out how you talk.

>>33361590
IDK I don't know overseas humans that well...
Remember. If everything fails go to mainland.

>>33361629
my trainer's a professor, but he hasn't tried to do that to me...
maybe its just you?

>>33361629
How the hell i supposed to run when i have a fucking master ball as a prisoner chain?
Yea, i can kill them, but i really don't want to kill anyone
Maybe i am a really shitty person, but i'm not a killer

>>33361682
There isn't any way to break a Pokeball, is there? Don't humans sometimes release their captives? There might be a special button for that.

>>33361682
What have they said so far then?

>>33361687
Wait
I just heard that they want to give me to someone named Bill
FUCK

>>33361696
Bill? Isn't that a famous human scientist?
You need to escape--and you need to do it fast.

>>33361696
Oh fuck he's the guy that accidentally turned himself into a Clefairy. FOR FUN. Arceus knows what he'll do with you.

What the fuck is this?

>>33361696
Bill is fine. He is not a scientist but a programmer mostly. Try to tell them how did you learn to speak.

Fucking Master Ball
Even if i'll get away from him while i'm outside of the ball, he can easily retrieve me to the ball
FUCKFUCKFUCK

>>33361725
Listen, half of the mainland does that. I wasn't even a born dragonite, it's just the best poke to be in my opinion.

>>33361756
Try stealing the ball off of him, that way he can't recall you.

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>>33361696
>sentenced to be the pokephile's new fleshlight

have fun

>>33361760
You people scare me sometimes.

>>33361760
Excuse me?

>>33361779
Probs for 2 days, PLA is planning an invasion of Shang Dao and Guan Dong island. And this is worst case scenario.

Fuck, he just took me and goes to Cerulean city
Alright, now i need to prepare myself for the worst fucking nightmare that can even happen
HOLY ARCEUS FUCK

>>33361817
Talk to us. Has he experimented on you?

>>33361779
FUCK YOU SYLVEONS ARE MUCH BETTER FOR THIS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FUCKING WHORES

>>33361784
>>33361786
I wasn't born human. I was a rather shitty poke that can't get a good job.

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>>33361682
>How the hell i supposed to run when i have a fucking master ball as a prisoner chain?
>Wob wobb wobbuff Wobbuffet wob
>wob
Wobb, bu wobb fett fett wobbuffett wobbuffett

>>33361817
HAHAHAHHA HIS SHITTY PC SYSTEM USES FREAKING PLAINTEXT ENCRIPTION

>>33361157
This is more proper for /trash/ but well, it's good to celebrate autism once in a while.

The problem with these threads though is that they quickly turn into a closed circle where they all use tripcodes and names.

>>33361830
Trainee brought me to the house with multiple electronics
AND I SEE A RATTATA WITH HAIRS

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>>33361855
Oh it's not just him, his PC developer friends across the world do it too. No respect for security these days, I swear. Brigette, especially, is the absolute worst about this.

>>33361877
Welp, you're dead. Press "F" for respect.

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Please like me /vp/ i'm so ugly and abominable and objectively shit but please like me i'm a bara furry :(((

Im getting deva vu

>>33361888
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
We don't have that, and our SPs use a satelitle, only one in the world, with special protocol.
I reported to goverment, they sending me 100K₽... Finally I could buy a bed

I tried to hug my trainer today, and he called me "furbait". What the hell's that supposed to mean?

I came to this board looking on how to breed the perfect pokemon and i get this

>>33361933
He thinks you want to bone him/get boned by him.

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>>33361933
Here ya go i love starting stuff again

He just retrieved me in a ball and i don't know what jappens else bevause i'm in this fucking masterball
Maybe this is the most safe place for now
>his favorite pokemon are Eevee and Eevelutions
FUCK NO PLEASE

>>33361933
>furbait
>a creature from an Anime or cartoon that is certainly to grab attention from furries

Your trainer is a furry, is attracted to you, and is calling you sexual names in hopes that you will reciprocate his feelings

>>33361933
Your trainer might be a creep.

>>33361897
Like me /vpeeeeeee/ like me i'm ugly baracat :(((

>>33361955
The most safe place is the mainland. The goverment is gonna get everybody in PCs out, they are setting up camps in Vladiyug and Bishkek.

>>33361933
try to shave all your fur off and hug him like that

>>33361974
Best answer I've gotten. What should I do about this? I haven't exactly been comfortable since he caught me.

>>33362035
Ask him to stop in front of other people.

>>33362035
Has he touched you anywhere you didn't like it?

>>33362035
Can you communicate with humans? I'm not sure how willing your trainer would be to listen to you, given how weird he is.
If not, ask a human officer.

>>33362057
Not very well. I also haven't been able to communicate the fact that water fucking hurts and he needs to stop bathing me.

>>33362056
I think so...

>>33362057
I mean, this vapoeon here managed to say K in 2 hours, shouldn't be too hard

MLP-tier autism

>>33362078
It hurts to say it, but it might be time for you to get a bit forceful.

>>33362089
I should also prolly mention he has a Goodra too who's having the same problem. But he can't use the computer because he slimes up the keyboard. What should I do about him, he's like my main homie.

>>33362106
Where did he touch you? Because if he touched you in the crotch, you have permission to attack him.

>>33362126
Good, because I did bite him that time.

>>33362133
Kill him, free your friends, and run away.

>>33362145
Holy fuck, KILL him?

>>33362152
Don't kill a human! As much as you or I may not like them, killing a human sends the officers after you. They'll hunt you down.

>>33362145
Yup. Not gonna get any better if you don't do anything, so might as well just stop him. Permanently.

>>33362152
Stun him, free your friends, make him go asleep using one of them, run away, learn phonology, and be a commie activist

>>33362166
Not if there isn't any evidence they can't. Just make it look like an accident.

>>33362174
Stun as in like with Paralysis? I've got Thunder Fang.

>>33362182
Paralysis is preferred. I meant just for a few seconds so you can free a pokemon causing sleep. But that works too I guess.

>>33362194
Alright, I guess I'll do that

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>>33361144
I know how you feel Cranon, all I want to do is work as an accountant but my trainer keeps making me fight other pokemon. Why even live

>>33362214
Keep us updated on how it goes.

>>33362242
LEARN PHONOLOGY

>>33362248
I will, soon as I find some way to talk after I escape

>>33362296
Why'd you let yourself get caught by a human, you stupid dog?

>>33362330
Well, I didn't exactly let him. But you know how it is around these parts, not a lot of Pokemon here are very fast. I'm a Midnight one, if that wasn't made clear.

This ones too furry, I'm gone

>>33362338
Just kill him if all else fails. Don't listen to this toothpick >>33362166.

>>33362384
>toothpick
Fight me, sprite

>>33362391
HELP! THIS CREEP IS TRYING TO TOUCH A ZORUA INAPPROPRIATELY!

>>33362409
Quit the Fake Tears and stop encouraging murder.

>>33362416
Fuck you

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>>33362416
>>33362425
Cant we all just get along :(

My TRAINER is fine, but his fucking dog won't stop sniffing my ass

>>33362449
Yes, once we realize that murder of anything, even the worst human, has its consequences. How can anybody actually encourage somebody else to go through with something like taking a life? Surely there are other options?

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Fuck off back to >>/trash/

>>33362480
Well fuck you too, anon

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>>33362461
>Killing someone instead of learning phonology

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>>33362563
Just let him do him anon!

Keep it down you dont want to go to the daycare woth ditto do you its very horny today

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>>33362449
Oh, hey, Sylveon. Wanna mess around?

Hey, I lost Manboobs and Menstruating whale
If you see them around just run away, cause I am done with stopping them every time
is that togekiss babe still around? I need some thicc fairy ass right now

>>33362948
Aren't you weak to fairy?

>>33362956
Fuck, nevermind. I just asked Sylveon if she wanted to fug so I guess I have no room to talk.

>>33362956
>>33362967

Oohhh I see you have never tasted fairy pussy before, like, the best sex ever, and 30 percent of all fairy girls are huge sluts

e ‿ e / ~

>>33362988
If that's the case then I need some fairy pussy ASAP.

My trainer never hugs me :c

Hey guys! I'm totally a Pikachu

>>33362896
Ew no, not if you were the last poke around

>>33363074
You want the legendary dick?

>>33363101
No Im faithful! Id never cheat

>>33363074
But why not?

>>33363112
I have a dick

>>33363122
Oh. Well fuck you then.

>>33363188
Y-youre the one who assumed I was girl

>>33363191
You know what? You're close enough to a girl.

>>33363191
è ‿ é

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hey my trainer looked at my back and he's been acting kinda dead since
what do

Never mind this at this point is a romantic comedy i need more

>>33363264
Delete system 32 anon

>>33363264
Hide the body.

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Hey guys, pic is me. My trainer brought this weird furry pokemon home and he took my favorite spot on the couch, thinking of making a new disguise that looks like him so I can earn her attention again. Anyways, anyone know what pokemon he is?

>>33363191
I can just pretend you're a girl as i'm fucking you. No big deal.

>>33363318
I no want

>>33363357
I think you do.

>>33363373
N-no

>>33363410
You know you do.

>>33363410
>>33363428
è ‿ é --o~ O----

>>33363317
Fellow Pikachu, that is a vicious Pokemon that will rip and tear everything you know and love and will hide behind a cover of cuteness to avoid any punishment. You must find a way to chase it off and save your trainer.

Hey boooys~ ;3

>>33363629
Ewww, gay.

>>33363691
Since when's a girl wanting to attract boys a gay thing?

>>33364058
You're a girl? Ay bb u wan sum fuck?

>>33364106
With a fuckin' stinky ass wild fox?
Of course, that's my fetish ;3

>>33364106
Stop shitting up the thread and find someone to fuck and then fuck off eternally

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My commission finally arrived. R8 and H8

>>33364134
Hey, not my fault that this thread is somewhat dead. I'm trying to keep it alive.

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>>33361095
What the fuck were they thinking when they made this guy?

>>33364259
That's the worst possible way to do it.

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So a bit of background for you all, my trainer is probably mentally fucked. In Alola btw if anybody wants to rescue me
>Captured me, a Grimer, and a Rattata, and started with a Popplio
>One time caught a Meowth at the Trainer's School, yelled loudly and said he "broke the rules", released him right after
>Deposited Grimer in the PC since he fainted, said he was "dead" even though he was clearly alive, awake and moving, hasn't been withdrawn since
>tried breaking ball open while he's asleep, no luck
>the other Pokemon are completely loyal, they'd "kill" me if they found out
>trainer is apparently buddies with Tapu Koko too, so I can't even pray I get out of here
>currently typing this on my trainer's phone while everyone else is asleep
Any high-level Pokemon that can somehow get to Melemele and get me out of here? I can make plans for the next few hours. Bonus points if you can tell me what mental disorder my trainer has.

>>33364412
Retardation, you want me Draco ascent him all the way to Ultraspace and back?
Fuck it, Groudon and Kyogre are fucking things very soon anyway, so you might all die

>>33364301
Sorry to have offended you, anon.

>>33364282
This thing always sweeps my team.

>>33364436
Wait, what?! Do something!

>>33364445
But heyyy, at least we had some fun tonight, honey ;3

>>33364445
>do something
Yeah, like I have got anything good in the last 73 years of doing the same and stopping meteorites

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>>33364436
Hey, any apocalypse they bring about is still better than staying with psycho-boy. If I see you I'll thrash my left wing around, so you know it's me.

>pokemon post about humans
>lol fuck me!!!! lets have sex xddd
into the >>>/trash/ it goes

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>this thread is still up
>the mods haven't completely purged everything yet

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>>33364501
>forgot name
Alright, different signal just as a failsafe. I'll shake my left wing around, then do my right wing. If you can drop me off at a forest in another region, that'd be great, whatever's closest.

hot level 37 gardevoir (f) looking for cute gallade pal to chill with hit me up on pokefinder

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>>33364552
Hey babe, you want some of this hot psychic fighter?

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Holy shit these leaked concept arts look amazing.
I hope they end up being real

Can I come back now?

holy shit this is cancer even by my standards

>>33365296
>he still has standards

>>33365333
>implying
it's literally that bad

anyone wild here

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So, I just got up from a nice nap, and I feel like doing something nice, anybody got some cool wishes to make? I don't grant lewds or violence.

>>33367683
World peace.

>>33367683
please save me from this sick fuck if you're near kanto route 25
he watches every fucking second only what i'm doing

>>33367694
I'd say granted, but that one's really hard, I've tried it like a hundred times and I've always failed, but don't worry, I'll keep on trying, it's gotta happen some day!

>>33367784
Granted, although it wasn't very specific so kinda just teleported all the Humans and Pokemon that were stalking anybody in the last past 24 hours to Hoenn Route 111. Hope that helps!

>>33367936
false arceus go away pls, this fuck still notes everything i'm doing

I've been working on some lyrics for my new single, it goes like this:~ Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Jigglypuff ~

Do you guys think these are good lyrics?

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>>33367683
Make me famous. Make it so that all will remember my name for thousands of years.

>>33368326
new pokestar studios main actor confirmed

>>33368071
Sorry to hear that it didn't work. :(

Maybe try using mist if you have that move, then run away when they can't see you?
>>33368576
Granted, everyone shall know Stantler's name from now on, EVERYONE!

>>33368709
I appear to have made two mistakes here, one, underestimating how far away hoenn was, two, underestimating the depth of this hole, may I get a wish to get sent over to hoenn's route 128?

>>33369022
Granted!