WHAT'S the DEAL with Call of Duty? Who's calling? What's

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so i love playing videogames but I CAANT PLAY VIDEOGAMES ANYMORE im married i have kids my mom is annoying and im got married and my wife is annoying and i have kids and my mom is an annoying italian woman and im married and i have kids and i cant play videogames

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This console needs MORE POWER OUGH OUGH OUGH

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>>389911075
So I was playing this Bioshock shit. Just another example of a government bending you over and fucking you. I mean, did you ever see this Andrew Ryan guy? This twerp looks like Walt Disney and John Waters fucked and had a kid.

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MY VAGINA

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>superfinger
>Audience erupts in laughter

I like this thread. Do Louis CK

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So I was playing this Bioshock shit. Just another example of a government bending you over and fucking you. I mean, did you ever see this Andrew Ryan guy? This twerp looks like Walt Disney and John Waters fucked and had a kid.

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I don't get video games. I'm sorry, I just--no, look, I--okay, you know what? Forget I said anything.

>>389912701
Kek.

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>>389911075
Every single time

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>>389911075

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>>389909875
So one day I bring a guy over, my vagina is fucking drenched, all wet, looking like Rapture from that one game Bioshock. Anyways I wanted to call him big daddy but we needed a plasmid because he couldn't even get it up

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.

>>389913790
Hang in there, Robin.

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>>389909875
Wellsce you cee anhon there's a thng challed capitalism and it's baysed around coins you cee

>>389914707
Too soon

>>389912701
subtle

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M-Morty get up *burp* Morty we are going to R-R-Rrrapture *burp* Morty, the underwater city from that one game MOorty

W-what? y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you mean that underwater city from that one uhh that uh that game is is real?

Yes Morty, we are going to smuggle these bibles Morty, and yy-y-y-y-you are *burp*¨gonna help me, Morty, you are gonna help me smuggle these bibles

But but but why are we smuggling bibles rick I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I don't get it why-

Morty, the idiots over there want bibles, and we are g-g-g-onna sell them for A LOT morty *burp* god is not real wubbalubbadubdub haha aids!

>>389916605
>N-no god
>No buurp kings
>Only humans xdddd

>>389916707
The man chooses the slave obeys mother**cker!
I'M SPLICER RIIIIICK

>>389914707

u r a rite cheeky cunt u no that

>>389914707
Delete this right now

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>>389909875
So this fat woman walked into the videogame store and asked for help with finding a game. I said to her "why the hell do you want a a game for you fat bitch?". *Scratches cock* *Jerks of to jailbait daughter"

>>389916984
Now this one I could actually see happening

>>389918332
That was just retarded.

>>389912620
this isn't a fucking carnival kid.

>>389911732
BWEEH?!

>>389916605
M-M-M-MORT*BURP* MORTY
GOD'S NOT REAL M-MORTY
*BURP*
MORTY
L-LISTEN TO ME
GOD'S *BUUUUUURRRRPPPP*

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>>389919167
>oh Frasier we simply must find the time to play Gone Home. Polygon called it a master class on how to tell a personal, affecting story in a video game.
>back in my days we just played pong and we were happy

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>>389915597
that was good

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I'm a big fan of Kirby games. I find Kirby to be a very relatable character.
He's this round pink blob that inhales and swallows everything around him. Our similarities are uncanny.
When I first played a Kirby game I was actually kind of shocked. I remember thinking
"How did they make a video game about me without me knowing...?
Isn't there some kind of copyright law for that...?
I really don't think they're allowed to do that...
I should call the video game people and ask them about this...
But the phone's all the way over there...
Well... maybe after I finish this hamburger."

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>>389920405

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I'm not good at any of this but I appreciate everyone here who made me laugh.

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Life (life, life), do we truly amble all over the real world, or is the real world not really the real deal? Is man truly the master of his own destiny, or is he just another pawn in the game of checkers that is life (life, life)

My thirsty quest of unquenchable knowledge has brought me to this underwater city.
By the looks of it someone "raptured" in here alright.

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>>389920429
I hope this loser chokes on a hotdog and dies.

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>>389920478

What do you call a cow with no legs?

>>389920554
Ground beef.
>Cow with three legs?
Lean beef.
>Cow with two legs?
Your mom

>>389916605
>>389916707
>>389919281
N-NOW /v/ I KNOW YOU'RE RAISING SOME V-*BUUUUURP*VALID POINTS BUT
*BRRAAAAAAAAAAP*
AND FURTHERMORE I TH-THINK WE *BUUUUUUURP* SHOULD
*BRRRRRAAAAP*

>>389920429
>Says hot pockets in a sing song high pitch voice
>audience burst into treats

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If there's one thing that can tie all the major powers of the second world war together again, it's VIDEO GAMES! Yeah, yeah don't believe me- oh you fat fuck down there, front row, I see your shirt, I see it. I don't have the fuckest faint idea of what it's about but I know it's either video games or food and I ain't ever eaten an Elder Scrolls in my life. Imagine it would taste like shite. Oh but how can I tell... not because he's a fat fuck, YOU GREAT FAT FUCK, YOU SHITBAG -ah relax, see he gets it, the worthless pissfuck, he gets it, you see I know it had to be one of those not because of his er, girth, but he's American! Ah, which reminds me, which reminds me of what Americans love being reminded more of more than anything else, well except their FREEDOM! o' course, naturally, as you do, when you're the freest nation on earth, yeah I'll justsit 'ere have a pint under the watchful eyes of a million CCTVs while George Orwell sucks my cock and whistfully imagine the possibilities in the gold ol' land of applie pie and civil disobedience, won't I mate? But what they love second most being reminded of, is how the SINGLEHANDEDLY won the second world war and what ties all this together, follow me 'ere is video games...

>>389919014
That's american humor for ya.

>>389919014
wow an purposely bad joke is bad woahhhhhhh broooooooooo

>>389920343
>buying gf

>>389913063
In his stand-up he would get frustrated with the audience. He also used to make ugly faces at happy couples when he was lonely and bitter in his 20's.

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I was playing this neat little game where you move to a small village of animals that can talk. You're supposed to fish, grow crops or do what other people tell you. And then I remembered "I'm Jewish! Other people should work for me!"

>>389921185
Don't try to recover from your bomb with a weak joke on Americans.

>>389920478
>RANDYYY
fuck that got me

>>389923179
What's the point? There's plenty of games about nothing.

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>>389923179
>I dunno about this new guy in the building. He never talks to me, all he does is grunt and look around. Sometimes I see him, sprinting full blast like a cheeta down the hall, stop on a dime and start tapping the walls. The foreman isn't going to be too happy with him.
>Than why don't you report him, that'll solve the issue
>Oh I'm not reporting him
>why not?
>I don't want to make waves, you know
>You don't wanna make waves?
>Yeah, I mean somebody should probably tip the landlord off that this guy has a screw loose, but
>BUT
>yeah, but it won't be me
>because you don't want to make any waves
>I'm not a wavemaker

...

>Hey Jerry, the new guy let me borrow his rocket launcher!

>>389912329
She is the most annoying cunt ever but I would still suck a fart outta her ass

>>389923718

>>389912329
what is it about female comedians these days and literally having no other trick than to just be as disgusting as possible.

>>389913063
>it's a larry david gets a VA job but doesn't understand video games episode

>>389916064
Did he steal jokes or something?

>>389923718
>a literal seinfield doom wad
the fuck

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So I was playing this Bioshock shit. Just another example of the white man's government bending beaners over and fucking us. I mean, did you ever see this Andrew Ryan guy? This twerp looks like Walt Disney and John Waters fucked and had a kid. And the levels are underwater but my back was already wet! CATCHPHRASE!

I used to like Dane cook because he reminded me of a friend I had who died. It was like seeing him tell a story, a bit over the top maybe but remarkably similar. Then I learned that it wasn't OK to like Dane Cook so I suppressed my emotions for no good reason.

>it's a kramer says FUCKING NIGGER on stream episode

>>389924473
I still listen to his stand up for the nostalgia from time to time. Had a good friend of mine that used to have me listen to Dane while we were in high school. We does laughing and it was really nice.

>>389920550
That Louis one is pretty spot on.

>>389912175
Wow, it's like he is still here ;_;

>>389923936
Cause see, men are disgusting, so if im disgusting, that means im like one of the guys and so im funny right? I'm not like other girls

>>389920490
best in thread