Predict Samus Returns reviews/ metacritic IGN: "Metroid

It'll get the equivalent of 7 outta 10s or the majority of reviews. Nintendo will fuck it up. They have no clue whatsoever on how to make video games anymore and the only reason their shit gets any praise nowadays for the most part is because of tradition.

>>389793204
>7 outta 10
>bad

"It's the Dark Souls of Metroidvanias! I only made it past the first section." 7/10

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>>389793272
>using a normal review scale

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>>389794381
That's more like the /v/ shitposting scale.

Can you still move while aiming diagonally? I haven't seen it in any gameplay footage.

>>389792928
It does seem very slow paced stop and shoot, I'm kinda worried.

>>389792928
Polygon: How do I jump in this sexist crap? 2/10

high 70 or low 80 on metacritic

>>389794539
No, it's not. Mass effect Andromeda has like a 70 on metacritic despite all of the reviews calling it garbage. 8/10 is average, anything under is trash.

>>389792928
You'd have to be an idiot to think this gif means the player is bad.

Street date Broken in Mexico

Welp

>>389795069
spilled my drink kek

>>389793204
This. Honestly I feel bad for Nintendo, Hollow Knight already BTFO every 2D Metroid and their shitty remake of Metroid 2 will be forgotten in favor of the better game

>>389792928
Not the CIA OUT YET?

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>>389792928
Depends. If it's a fun, challenging game it's gonna be a 7.5-8.1, solely based on the fact that it's a Metroid game.
If it's gonna be casualized garbage catering to what underage normieshitters these days consider desirable it's going to be game of the year material.

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Brace for leak, fellow pirates
Retail copies have been sighted for sale in Mexico

>>389796336
Is the new 2DS xl hackable? I'm gonna get a system I think.

>>389797698
I think they're all 11.5, which is hackable but you'll need a specific flash cart for NTR hax or whatever it's called

Ideally 11.3 or lower is preferred since you can hack it for free. Or just buy a used one that's already hacked, probably cheaper than the 2DS

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Uh oh

>>389798597
>dog gets the game before you do

KMS

>>389798597
Poor dog
He doesn't know he lives in Mexico

>>389796193
All the reviewers have said it's the hardest 2D metroid

>>389798875
At least he doesn't suffer knowing it.

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>the dark souls of
>the dark souls of
>the dark souls of
>the dark souls of
>the dark souls of
>the dark souls of

>>389797910
Guess I'll just go for a Galaxy 3DS and hope for a good screen.

>>389792928
>>389793385
I think "the Dark Souls of Metroidvania" is a decent definition though

I watched the gif for like 1 minute

In all seriousness I've been dying for a 2d 3DS metroid game for years now.

I hope it's good.

84. Expecting lots of phrases like "return to form".

pros:
>it's a metroid game
>aiming in any direction is a welcome addition
>extra mechanics give a nice variety to the game
>soundtrack and atmosphere
cons:
>might actually be too easy with all the extra powers, free aiming, and the counter move
>areas aren't too visually interesting
>restrictions of a handheld game

>>389793204

It's already been proven to be good, the game was playable at PAX. The only aspect about it anyone can really criticize at this point is the amiibo shit.

>>389800683

>restrictions of a handheld game

Does any reviewer actually put this in as a con? I have never seen this type of criticism lobbed at a game before, at least by professional reviewers.

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lmao

>>389801170
yeah honestly I was reaching
pretend I didn't say that
maybe it stays a bit too close to metroid 2 in some ways that hurt it? I dunno.

>>389801196
Josh doesn't even like metroid

>>389801251

>maybe it stays a bit too close to metroid 2 in some ways that hurt it

I could see them saying something like that.

>>389801251
They'll probably say something like
"Boss battles too repetitive "
Though that's something that Metroid 2 is known for

>>389801196
I'm worried about Josh honestly, I think he just might be mentally unstable.

>>389801516

That is definitely true. Aren't they adding in new bosses to diversify it though? I thought they were going to do that.

>>389801196
Why does he put reviewers in quotes?

>>389801573
You "think"? Bitch is certifiable.

>>389801196

>JoshThomas

Should we take anything this idiot says seriously?

>100k in its first month

Even fucking Other M sold more than that. What is this guy on?

>>389801619
They are but the games still mostly about fighting the same bosses over and over again.

It does seem like they have tried to diversify the Metroid battles considerably though. They have a bunch of different attacks and even within the same evolution the battles can differ with different variants.

>>389801803

Yeah I saw that. I'm glad they decided to change up the patterns and attacks. I'm hoping that all the Metroid battles improve over the original ones.

the dark souls of metroidvanias like

here's my prediction:
Common review trash:
>Samus returns is really epic and I find it accessible and boy there's just so many things crammed in there it must be good! I have never shinesparked in my life and I played on Easy. I give this a score higher than 7.5 because I was able to finish the game before my superior told me to start reviewing the next game.
Those with common sense:
>What the hell? This is just Mirror of Fate but laminated to have a surface-level Metroid sheen. To say the game was designed with a checklist in mind is too undeservedly positive, as it bloats on cinematics and new under-done mechanics that barely mesh together. This has as much in common with Super Metroid as SotN does with Rondo of Blood. Or as much as SotN has in common with Lords of Shadow.

>>389801196
It's time to 100% move to Switch no matter what
At the very least, every game getting released on 3DS should also be released on Switch. I mean wtf is Nintendo doing

>>389802982
>being this mad about AM2R
Metroidfags are the worst

>>389803443
Who are you quoting?

cinematic garbage

>>389802982

You seem to have confused "those with common sense" and "those with autism"

ACfag has arrived

>>389803613

Those who are having a stroke you mean. If anyone playing a 2D Metroid game thinks they're playing Mirror of Fate, then they've completely lost their minds and probably need to be taken to the hospital immediately.

>>389792928
>a far cry from zero mission
Comparing it to a 13 year old game? I don't think modern critics have that kind of long term memory.

Fuck. HES here.

>>389803736
I think the whole point is that something can look like one thing but play like another. That's why "metroidvania" is a thing. Metroid and Castlevania didn't used to be similar game series. It wasn't until SotN that the term came about, because it was a Castlevania game that played a lot like Super Metroid, something that wasn't true up until that point

I think the fear here is that the "Metroidness" of SR will only be skin deep.

>>389803632
>>389804116
To be fair the bulk of the Metroid fanbase is as Autistic as ACFag is and likely will reject Samus Returns for very petty reasons, inevitably killing 2D Metroid forever.

>>389804582
>inevitably killing 2D Metroid forever.
Because Nintendo's first 2D Metroid in 13 years being an outsourced remake of a 25 year old game has nothing to do with it. No, let's blame the fans. Let's call them autistic too, just for good measure

>>389795184
>everything under an 8 is trash because of one outlier
Andromeda is garbage, but there's many instances where something get's a 70s metascore and it's a great game and reviewers are either too retarded to finish it or just have shit taste.

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>>389805093
It's an industry joke, and it has been for decades.

To receive lower than a 7, your game has to be literally broken. If it's playable, it gets a 7 or higher. Ergo the scale for playable games is 7-10.

>>389805543
Either way, anyone who takes a fucking metacritic score as the holy truth is retarded. It can be a good way to see if a games total shit or not, but it's not a great scale.

>>389805796
MetaCritic is shit for the sole reason it takes one asshole to completely ruin a score.

So more often than not, IGN or Jim Sterling.

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>>389795184
>anything under is trash
Anybody that takes reviewers seriously after 2005 are the real idiots

>>389804804
The game looks fine for anyone who is not ACFag
So shut the fuck up ACFag

>>389805796
>Either way, anyone who takes a fucking metacritic score as the holy truth is retarded.
So 90% of /v/ then?

>>389804582
>for very petty reasons
I'd reject it outright from mercurysteam working on it. But I don't want the series to die like castlevania. But I know as well as anybody else that nintendo has mastered the art of advertising so I fully expect the game to feel and play like shit.

God damn it.

It'll average out at 7/10 or 75/100 or whatever the equivalent is. Considering it's modern Nintendo and a developer with a proven track record for mediocrity, I can't see it being any better than that.

>>389806343
Yes.

>>389806365
>>389806424
*shrug*

>>389798597
.cia when

>>389801723
Given that he thinks everything that he doesn't like is shit, yea I'd say ignore him on most topics

>>389806486
this doesn't make sense, 1 is still the theoretically worst possible and 10 is still the highest-- though 1 and 10 are obviously never "perfect" or "antiperfect"

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>>389807348

>>389793204
nintendo isn't even developing the game, they're just overseeing the development by a bunch of stupid spics that created the abomination that was castlevania mirror of fate
reminder that when you die to a boss in samus returns you respawn outside the boss room
absolutely disgusting

>>389809007
Oh how awful! :(

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>>389809007
>reminder that when you die to a boss in samus returns you respawn outside the boss room

How's that any different from most bosses having a savepoint right outside their room?

>>389792928
80, game is 70 + 10 of the nintendo bonus

>>389806065
God Hand deserves those scores.

>>389793204
Ready to eat some dicks and crows?

>>389801196
Who and cares?

>>389809007
>reminder that when you die to a boss in samus returns you respawn outside the boss room
Removes the pointless save rooms right out side of boss doors. Meaning the player could stumble into a boss fight for once.

>>389792928
I'm 100% sure that it's going to be "alright, nothing special" game.

>>389809498
>nintendo bonus

I've yet to see any evidence that this actually exists and it's not just a dumb strawman created by people that are STILL mad that BOTW got good reviews

>>389792928
>AM2R was better but Nintendo pays me to give high scores 10/10 must buy

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I don't get it

Why remake a metroid game like this?

The fan base is proven too small to make a profit, and there's no way new people will never drawn to this expensive 'remake'

What's the business plan here?

>>389809498
>God Hand deserves those scores
is God Hand being good a meme here at /v/?

>>389809007
This is a non-issue for anyone who isn't pretending to be a "hardcore gamer" on /v/
There were already save points outside the bosses most of the time

>>389793204
>>389796046
>when the consolewar shitposters can't even get the developer of the game right
wew lad
nintendo sure fucked up mario/rabbids, huh?

game will get 3 points knocked off based on visuals alone, who gives a shit about gameplay

>>389809498
>nintendo bonus meme

>>389809970
Everyone who's played it says it's much better than AM2R what with the baby post game and the Ridley fight

>>389809891
When mediocre games like Wind Waker/Phantom Hourglass get >90 scores you start to think about this.

So do I need one of those "New" 3DS's to play this or can it run just fine on my regular 3DS XL?

>>389810753
Ok but plenty of other companies make mediocre games that get good scores so why do you act like it's a nintendo exclusive thing? Maybe the solution is to play a game an for decide for yourself whether it's good or not?