Being good at games isn't a requirement of a reviewer. Being

Video game reviewers can't do that either, so what's your point?

>>389318980
The fact that they can elucidate theirs views in a pleasing manner by using the English language better than you, moron.

>>389318903
The issue isn't he wasn't good, the issue is he was beyond terrible. You don't have to be a Quake professional to give a review of an arena shooter or even have 100+ hours in a similar game, but you should at least be familiar with how to aim in an FPS.

>>389318903
If you suck shit at vidya, how the fuck can you write an accurate review?

It was a social experiment.

The way they play the game affects what they experience and thus their future reviews. Shit players will be unable to review difficulty reasonably.

>last thread 404s
>new thread made instantly
Fuck are you doing OP?

>>389319024
You're right, video game reviewers are renowned for their fantastic writing ability.

>>389318903
The part of reviewing a game is playing it. If you suck dogshit at it, your views at the game is going to be negative or use the Dark Souls of this genre excuse.

>>389319024
Better than you maybe. That's an unfinished sentence right there

>>389318903
Jesus Christ, did polygon do this?

>>389319037
I would actually read a review of a game by someone who's never played the genre or is completely uninformed, but that's rarely how these reviews are framed.

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>>389318903
Is the guy playing with his elbow or something? how can someone be this incompetent?

>>389318903
No, if they can't complete the first level which is at the difficulty that maybe someone under the age of 10 might struggle with I cannot trust them in basically any mental capacity.

you need to have an understanding about something to be able to properly review it.
if you cant even figure out basic shit in a game you are in no way qualified to write about it.

also being bad at a game leads you to believe the game because most people dont like to think anything is their fault.

What a shit thread

>>389318903
>Being good at games isn't a requirement of a reviewer
This is correct. However, you do need to be honest about where your review comes from. Anyone can review shit, but he claims NOT to be terrible at games. He is claiming to be an authority in a medium he struggles to interact with on a basic level.

Knowing the SOURCE of a review is the single most important element of it. And this hack is attempting to say they're good and it is the game that is too complex.

It is a blatant lie and it is being called out by people as such. It has nothing to do with their gaming ability, just their integrity. Every time someone calls the hack a shit gamer, they're just arguing that their lies about their authority are baseless.

Dead is a misunderstood villain like other memes on /v/. He was pointing out the flawed tutorial.

>>389318903
You're not fit to review the damn game if you can't fucking play it you mong

>other thread was deleted
>yet dick thread is still up
PRIORITIES

>>389319037
>you should at least be familiar with how to aim in an FPS.
No it isn't. You can keep repeating it but it doesn't make it true.

>>389319418
>you need to have an understanding about something to be able to properly review it.
You don't have to have an understanding to review anything you moron.

>>389318980
see
>>389319221

Nice one idiot

>>389319448
>He is claiming to be an authority in a medium he struggles to interact with on a basic level.
What does that even mean you dopey cunt

Their lies about their authority are baseless.? How is a reviewer an authority on anything? How can you be an authority on a new game? Everything you say is fucking stupid shit, you don't realise it because your head is stuck 10 ways up your own arse

>>389318903
Another bait. Have a (you) and fuck off already

>>389319478
Yes you are. You can keep repeating it but it doesn't make it true.

>>389319535
you first

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>>389318903
Why would anyone care what the opinion of a guy who can't play guitar on how a guitar plays. You shouldn't because that guy doesn't know what he is talking about.

>>389319464
Giving players tools and allowing them to work it out is a core element of many games. This is one of the most basic examples I could even imagine.

A bad tutorial is one that makes you sit and read instead of interact with the game. That isn't a tutorial. Its a guide/rulebook

>>389319532
Wew

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>>389318903
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HOW STUPID YOU HAVE TO BE
JUMP THEN PRESS THE FUCKING DASH BUTTON YOU MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH BREATHER

>>389319652
Who fucking cares?

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"WHAT THE FUCK? IT WONT LET ME DO ANYTHING!!! I LITERALLY CANT DO ANYTHING GUYS!!! WOOOOOWWW, WHAT SHITTY GAME MECHANICS!

>>389319618
>Why would anyone care what the opinion of a guy who can't play guitar on how a guitar plays. You shouldn't because that guy doesn't know what he is talking about.

It's not like that at all. Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

>>389319532
He makes claims on his twitter that he is a good gamer when that is demonstrably false.

That's an obvious lie. He's shit at games (at least action games). And by claiming otherwise, he's pretending to have authority he does not have. So he's shit.

If I can see it 10x up my own ass, I would expect you to see it too

>>389318903
What game is this? I seen it before, but I forgot what the name of it was.

>>389319532
Dean pls go

>>389319778
Mugface

>>389319532
to be able to PROPERLY review it.
sure any clueless idiot CAN review anything they want but it doesn't mean they have any insightful opinions or meaningful critique.

>>389319768
So you're saying he's a liar because he's bad at this video game?

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>>389319532
>You don't have to have an understanding to review anything you moron.
That's the single most retarded thing I've read today, sure you can write a review if you know nothing about the subject, but it means it's fucking worthless to anyone interested in reading said review.

>>389319852
>sure you can write a review if you know nothing about the subject,

So you're agreeing with me?

>>389318903
"being able to read isn't the requirement of a book reviewer, being able to write well is the sole requirement of a reviewer"

>>389318903
cuphead is literary dark souls, look at how fucking hard it is to get over that piller.

>>389319826
Cupface

>>389319830
No, if that was your take-away from what I wrote, you obviously are worst at communication than he is at games.

Which is fine. You can be retarded. Just don't go around claiming you are a great communicator and its the english language that is the problem

Also, you used that dumb line in the last thread, you are a fuckawful troll

>>389318903
You're right, but if you're trying to be a "reviewerv while also being legitimately mentally handicapped you probably have the responsibility to inform this to the reader.

>>389319828
Not an argument. Ride your bandwagon back to plebbit, and take your shitty analogies with you.

>>389319786
>>389319630

Virtue Signalling

>>389319532
>>389319532
> You don't have to have an understanding to review anything you moron
> Argues with the authority of control the reviewer had and why it was a problem for him to say bad things when hes not experienced enough on the subject

Ohh boi, mate you want dem (you)'s real bad

You might need to redo life's tutorial levels, its obvious you skipped the critical thinking parts of it

>>389319830
no, because he claims to be good at videogames.

>>389319963
Oh shit, looks like I might have some sort of handicap myself
*"reviewer"

I mean you should at least understand what you're reviewing.

This is like Guns and Ammo hiring some san francisco hipster to write gun reviews, most of their articles will boil down to "dis one wuz bwack n scawwy wooking so I hate it"

>>389319396
Why do people think 10 year olds are bad at video games?
10 year old me beasted games that 30 year old me gives up on in 15 minutes

>>389319921
>"being able to read isn't the requirement of a book reviewer, being able to write well is the sole requirement of a reviewer"
It's not like that at all. Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

>>389319778
Cuphead
a game with a seemingly impresive artstyle over substance, that is not out yet
looks pretty fun

>>389319750
no, it's actually exactly like that. how is it any different?

>>389320057
>This is like Guns and Ammo hiring some san francisco hipster to write gun reviews, most of their articles will boil down to "dis one wuz bwack n scawwy wooking so I hate it"

No, it's more like if a gun reviewer revealed he doesn't know all the fucntions of a gun nobody has ever used before. You moron.

>>389319532
>defending the man who gave Mass Effect a negative review 10 years ago and then changed it because the first time around, he thought he was playing GRAW in space and not an action RPG because he didn't distribute talent points.

>>389318903
>2017
>OP posts a 3/10
>everyone responds to OP in a serious manner
>no one calls out the obvious bait
Fuck, I guess yesterday's 3/10 is today's 10/10?

>>389320084
The graphics look all hand-drawn and not CGI. Who wouldn't want to play this game just for the graphics?

>>389318903
3/10 bait

>>389319919
Read the whole sentence you fucking virgin.

>>389320120
It's not like that at all. You're exaggerating to make a shitty point.

>>389318903
>It's another "idiots responding to obvious bait and not noticing that they're arguing in circles" thread

>>389320063
The first level of the game beyond the tutorial has some actually challenging bits, Dean's crapfest makes me question whether he's fully sentient and literate.

>>389320057
That kind of reviewer is fine. It'd be fucking hilarious. As long as they are upfront about their bonafides.

This fuckchuck is trying to claim he's some sort of authority in games despite obviously being terrible at them. If that hippie lied about being a gun expert it would make them a piece of shit.

But if they were clear that they hated guns, I would actually love to read what they had to say about them in in-depth reviews.

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>/v/ chimps out because a guy jumps around a bit in a video game tutorial

lol

>>389320269
Here's your point.

It's like Wu claiming it knows all about video games and then shitting out Rev 60.

>>389319993
what bandwagon? and I don't think you know what an analogy is because I haven't used any.
sounds like you are the one who needs to go back to r*ddit since it seems like you are a bit too investing in shitters opinions carrying weight.

>>389318903

The review itself is not the product i am intersted in experiencing, its the game. It can never be the answer to my questions concerning the actual product but it surely can help understanding or conveying the idea of the product better if written well. there must be some kind of balance and with someone who isnt able to experience the product, isnt able to write about it on a semantical level or any level but hsi very subjective which doesnt mirror the objective experience. its obejctivly true that dd is open world but his subjective experience may differ from the "standart" which inturn makes the review redundant or all reviews really since there is no standart.

>>389319532
>You don't have to have an understanding to review anything you moron.
Blind people reviewing movies when?

>>389318903
if they arn't good then they will write a bad impression since they couldn't get anywhere and feel discouraged.

>>389319024
>Not gaming's greatest story, but perhaps gaming's greatest storytelling.

>>389320314

How is a reviewer an authority on anything? How can you be an authority on a new game? Everything you say is fucking stupid shit, you don't realise it because your head is stuck 10 ways up your own arse

I don't know about you guys, but I haven't actually read a review in atleast 5 years now
I've found that gameplay videos are significantly a better alternative to listening to opinions

>>389320213
People who respond fall into 1 of 4 categories
>People who are bored and want to argue about vidya games
>People who are gullible and take OP seriously
>People who are bored and want to argue about anything so they just post nonsense to get reactions
>Memelords who feel they need to post 3/10 bait like the majority of people here aren't flinging shit on purpose

And only one of them aren't contributing to the shit flinging

>>389319258
No, it was you. You're bad at video games : /

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>>389319919
I'm agreeing in the sense that you can put some chocolate sauce on top of a rock and call it cooking, the point is that a useful review should come from a source that has knowledge in the subject, a review that comes from someone that knows nothing is useless, who would you put your trust into, a person that clearly can't play the game and has no idea of what he's doing, or a person that can play the game in a competent manner?
Being able to write well is great for a reviewer, but it doesn't make up for the lack of substance or knowledge, you can't have a person that can't play an instrument writing reviews for a music shop.

>>389320376
Are you ok? I know you're desperate to fit in but you shouldn't try so hard.

>>389320150
>all of the functions nobody has ever used before
>doesn't know how to combine a lateral movement action with a vertical movement action in a 2D video game
Is that you, Polygon?

>>389318903
Be honest, OP. How much of a loser are you that you let this become your obsession?

>>389320383
Nope, sorry. Being bad at a game isn't the same as a blind man watching a film. You're exaggerating to make a shitty point.

>>389319532
Dean, why did you come to an anonymous cantonese tapestrian board to defend your honor

op is le ebin master trol and u r all his prey

>>389318903
You wouldn't want a car review from someone without a driving license, I don't want a game review from someone who's unable to follow basic game instructions. It's simple.

>>389318980

>This is a plate of shit. You handed me a plate with literal shit on it.
>Allow me to educate you with my eloquent command of the English language. It's not, as you say, "shit", but rather is the finest diarrhea the indie scene has to offer.

>>389320493

Oh my god just listen to yourself

>>389320596
Likewise.

>>389320175
Is this for real?

He's below DSP is this is true.

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Imagine a food critic who while trying to eat constantly missed their mouth and deducted points from the restaurant because of this.

>>389320702
https://www.gamespot.com/forums/system-wars-314159282/dean-takahashi-certified-genius-amends-negative-ma-26137357/

>>389320348
>jumps around a bit
>spends several minutes struggling to overcome a wall with the instructions how posted right above him

>>389320705
Imagine someone arguing about video game reviewers and all you can think of is food

Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

>>389320608
the level of quality gamers bring to the table for reviews is too terrible for anybody to read. a publication would rather have somebody that can write then understands videogames.

>>389320425
This is deliberately obtuse. It is objectively obvious that having a significant amount of experience with a given subject matter would make you an "authority". Notice I did not say it makes your views more valid than someone else's. It just makes you an authority.

Having that authority can, to many people, lend weight to your review. If a person ate Pop Tarts every day of their life and recommended a pop tart for me to try, I'd be more inclined to try it than if a person recommended one who obviously never ate food a day in their life. He is lying to attempt to claim that authority.

I know you're now purposefully reusing phrases, but I am going to keep responding as long as you are, because its as fun for me as it is for you

>>389320445
I actually read reviews about Hitman's Bodyguard before going to see it in theaters. It received a 35% from critics but was really enjoyable. I don't regret reading the reviews though because of just how idiotic/entertaining they are, and since these are not anonymous assholes you know they actually believe the shit coming out of their own mouth. Hell, one bad review was along the lines of "who thought it was a good idea to have a lot of killing in an action movie".

>>389320608
>You wouldn't want a car review from someone without a driving license

No, it's more like if a car review from someone admitting he doesn't know how to drive a car nobody has ever driven before. You moron.

>>389320348
>26 minutes and still unable to finish the first level

>>389320596
this isnt a troll at all, its simple satire op was trying to convey with the juxtaposition of the webm, v is just filled with children

>>389320810
You don't have to be an authority to review anything you moron.

>I'm here today to review Barbie Princess Gaiden, the Dark Souls of Barbie games. But first an anecdote about my childhood. I was 8 years old and it was a cool autumn night. I was looking at the swirls of the wood of the dinner table as mother told me again to finish eating my peas

>>389318903
Most video game reviewers are bottom-of-the-barrel writers following a "persuasive essay" format. You don't even need to be good at writing, you just have to be fast and edit your own shit fast.

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>>389318903
This is how it always starts.
First people bait, then actual pseudo-intellectual retards come out of the woodwork thinking that they're in good company.

>>389320810
>when you review a game, you already have complete authority
this is the average IQ level of reddit

>>389320973
I'm loving the sudden resurgence of HL memes.

what shitty rag do you write for OP, is it kotaku, maybe one of those lesser known ones like gamesradar or something

>>389320789
I used to think people like this were trolling, but one day I met a person online. They complained about tutorials and basic elements of the game that were blatant , but after talking to him, he was 100% serious. He really just thinks he knows better and when he has trouble, it means the world around him is flawed.

I then followed up on some of his shit online, and it overflows into everything. Like he was bad at math so he asked about a math issue. Someone posted a polite, helpful response. He struggled so they followed up with clarification.

Then he spent the next 30 posts saying how the initial instruction was bad and the person shouldn't post at all if they can't do it right.

This is just WHO these people are. I don't know what mental issues they have, but I feel like I see a pattern

>>389320705
This is my favorite post.

>>389320908
>>389320789
So what? Are you mentally ill?

>>389320958
I agree, which is why I said it in the post before that one.

I also referenced it when I said "Having that authority can, to many people, add weight..."

I didn't say it made you correct or more important than any other reviewer. But naturally a lot of people gravitate towards someone with knowledge on the subject matter.

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>>389319532
Video game reviewers? Bad writing?
Heh, don't make me laugh, I dare you to watch this highly intelligent review, try to keep up... it'll probably just fly over your head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEs33aWkX2Q

So think twice next time you say video game reviewers are bad... or else!

>>389320348
Have you seen Polygon's Doom video?
It's because these are the people reviewing video games and giving them "official" scores.
Worse is that this guy is feeding the fire by autistically defending himself in a passive aggressive manner and calling it "the Dark Souls of platformers" because of the tutorial.

>>389321063
Who gives a shit? Bad writers are going to write stupid things. It's no different than the games themselves. The masses will gravitate towards shit. This will happen forever and until the end of time.

Stop worrying about them and save yourself. Go find the less visible critics who are worth reading and build up your own body of knowledge, your own skills, your own intellect, so you don't even feel the compulsion to bother with the morons.

Except you losers will never do that, and you'll keep pissing and moaning about that one time Writer X wrote something less-than-intelligent, and use that to denigrate and ignore their entire body of work. Or Writer Y gave Game Z an 8/10 when it CLEARLY should have been a 9/10, so who cares what he thinks?

So anyway, continue to whine about teh evil journos and continue to accomplish nothing.

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>>389320973
Fucking around with OP was fun for a couple posts, but his responses are pretty boring and weak, he needs to put more effort into it.

>>389321213
The worst part of watching that video was knowing I would be just as bad. Always used a Apple/PC for games, never a console. I'm so pathetic with controllers its horrible

>>389321213

Who gives a shit? Bad writers are going to write stupid things. It's no different than the games themselves. The masses will gravitate towards shit. This will happen forever and until the end of time.

Stop worrying about them and save yourself. Go find the less visible critics who are worth reading and build up your own body of knowledge, your own skills, your own intellect, so you don't even feel the compulsion to bother with the morons.

Except you losers will never do that, and you'll keep pissing and moaning about that one time Writer X wrote something less-than-intelligent, and use that to denigrate and ignore their entire body of work. Or Writer Y gave Game Z an 8/10 when it CLEARLY should have been a 9/10, so who cares what he thinks?

So anyway, continue to whine about theh evil journos and continue to accomplish nothing.

>>389321248
>effort
shitposting manually is for plebs

>>389321218
>>389321304
Okay thank you reddit we saw your post the first time, you don't need to spam.

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>tfw someone steals your posts from a previous thread and uses them to bait

Feels good. Thanks OP

>>389321218
"Just ignore it" doesn't work when the person posts it publicly and comments on it publicly too. It is part of the public domain, that is what the author chose to do.

So when people choose to respond, you don't get to call foul. He deserves to be called shit, loudly and often. Until he quits social media or everyone at least has a chance to hear what a lying sack of shit he is.

>>389321380
just so you know all the responses are directed at you
you are a shitsucking mongoloid and everyone knows it now

>>389320881
>he doesn't know how to drive a car nobody has ever driven before
You keep using that phrasing, but despite being a new game, Cuphead uses standard sidescrolling shooting gameplay, similar to many other games out there. So it being a new game isn't a valid excuse for that horrible video. And him being bad at games (specifically that kind of game) makes his review worthless, as many other anons have already said.

>>389318903
>Can't play the game properly, and start making assumptions
>Review: THIS GAME SUCKS!

also, reminder, the shit-for-brains thought the Warhammer 40K series was a rip-off of Gears of War;

https://venturebeat.com/2011/05/25/how-many-ways-can-thqs-space-marine-game-rip-off-gears-of-war/

>>389321070
This is a problem with people in general. They will not read instructions. People think I'm some kind of computer genius hacker just because I know how to RTFM.
>anon this doesn't work can you fix it?
>did you read the instructions?
>yes but it still won't work
>can I see the instructions?
And then I just follow the instructions and it works every time.

>>389321092
Dean please

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Can we argue about something more interesting, like who the best girl is?

>>389318903
This is like a toddler trying to figure out that the square shape is not meant to fit in the round hole

>>389321632
>This is like a toddler trying to figure out that the square shape is not meant to fit in the round hole
It's not like that at all. Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

Reminder that this dude just read part of the wikipedia page on the developers and wrote the review, he claimed that they developed Super Meat Boy.

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>>389321369

>>389321470
also he amended his ME2 review because he didn't know how to properly play the game

http://kotaku.com/339632/takahashi-amends-mass-effect-review

went with the first google result, so google this shit yourself if you don't feel like clicking on a kotaku link

>>389321669
fuckofff loser. lol i beat you jerk off to anime.

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>>389321461

So what you're saying is that you got so mad that you copied all my posts from a dead thread and reposted them. Not in a list, mind you, but as actual responses to new posters. And you've been doing it for 30 minutes?

I think they need to make a new spectrum for your kind of autism

TESt

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>>389318903
I see nothing wrong here

>They trained him wrong on purpose
The madmen

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>there are actually, ACTUALLY people out there defending this dumbass
And of course of all places it has to be neo-/v/, this place has literally gotten worse than reddit.

>>389320806
>the level of quality gamers bring to the table for reviews is too terrible for anybody to read
Haha, Just like game reviewers!
>>389320881
>No, it's more like if a car review from someone admitting he doesn't know how to drive a car nobody has ever driven before
"Follow instructions on a screen" is not a mechanic unique to Cuphead. Also, Car reviewers usually handle new cars pretty well.
>You moron.
Haha, just because I'm smarter then you doesn't mean you have to be this salty ;P

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>>389318903
How can you properly review a game when you can't get past the first level

>>389321461
>Just so you know you got exactly what you wanted
sure showed him

>>389319090
what is a sport commentator ?

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>>389321847

>>389321879
It's a samefag samefagging his own posts and falseflagging. It's you who should just ignore it, it's a blatant bait thread and he's fishing for (you)s.

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>>389318903
>there's a guy in the youtube comments of the video defending this guy and calling everyone ridiculing him underaged and saying that people should be respecting him instead of mocking him because he's been covering games so long

most people are functionally retarded at playing video games

if you play ANY mmo you'll know
>world of tanks - tomatoes
>dota 2 - average mmr is fucking 2k
>league of legends - retards
>MMO - retards who don't know shit

>>389320623
>it's not just any shit, it's the latest 150 million AAA shit.
>92/100, GOTY contender

>>389321975
He wanted to be exposed as a dumbass
Because that's exactly what we showed him

>>389322116

the older you get the worse you become at something

>>389318903
You don't have to be good. A lot of gamers aren't good. Most of them are just okay. And that's fine

You just have to not be absolutely retarded.

Post the video. I gotta see this stupid fuck play.

>>389322182

How are you exposing me if my posts were already there?

I'm going to start reviewing games based on their trailers and box art.

>>389322135
Not just this. I recently lend my 3DS to my niece to play. She had trouble jumping over a ledge so I told her how to jump. And she still couldn't do it. Turns out she was only pressing jump instead of jump + forward. You will be amazed how stupid people can get.

>>389321724
Not him, but i do jerk off to manga

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2sq2hLDQY
Time it took for a pigeon to complete the puzzle.
1 minute and 2 seconds

Time it took for a game journalist to complete the puzzle.
1 minute and 22 seconds

Let us all remember the day where game journalists were literally dumber than pigeons.

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>>389318903
>Dude doesn't realize the laws of platforming.

>>389321879
it's an obvious troll
the one flaw of this site is that people act retarded like this all the time for attention and people constantly fall for it, argue with them and derail what could be an otherwise entertaining thread

>>389322290
People already do that.

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>>389321735
Says the anally anhiliated autist trying to save face after spending over an hour getting so mad at /v/ for calling out his precious game journalist, he spent said hour desperately trying to justify reviewing things while understanding absolutely fuckall about them

You got completely rekt, by this thread and the last. But please keep trying to damage control, wallow in your own ignorance. Everyone now knows what a dumb faggot you are.

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>>389322135
It's so sad when you realize that a couple of your friends are awful at vidya, how can someone spend hundreds of hours on something and barely make any progress? it's mindblowing.

>>389321703
this is supposed to be one of our asian overlords

>>389322350
Is there a point to this extreme hyperbole?

I mean nobody actually believes a person is dumber than a pigeon. So why make this post? Are you attacking all people who are bad at video games? For what?

>>389322272
Read the responses to this thread.
You got fucking destroyed.

>>389320824
The thing with reviewers in any medium. They'll get bored of things a hell of a lot faster than people who just watch for fun. because you don't have to go see 10 stock action movies a year, you pick and choose 2 or so. Same for games.

>>389319532
> You don't have to have an understanding to review anything

Yes but, then your review is worthless.

>>389322579
Says who? You're just some autistic /v/ neckbeard. Nobody cares what you have to say.

>>389322496

If you can't play fighting games competitively, I literally see you as a subhuman. Now imagine what the retard in the OP feels like to me.

>>389321669
Then make a better analogy. Come on, anon. Impress us with you infinite wisdom.

inb4 some bullshit about "I can't make the analogy, you guys have to"

>>389322449
>Everyone now knows what a dumb faggot you are.
You must have been quite upset

>>389322728
Not as upset as you are now.

>>389322496
I don't know what to tell you man but it took a professional who is paid to play video games a longer time to learn about basic platform puzzles than a bird.

>>389322519
Answer the question anon

>>3893189037

>being able to see is not a requirement of a movie reviewer
>being able to taste food inst a requirement of a food critic
>being able to read is not a requirement of a book critic

>>389322675
Look who's talking.

>>389322796

It's kinda sad if you actually believe this

>>389322725
*your
Though I wouldn't be surprised if he latched on to that.

>>389322291
She was probably just customised to the QTE pollution.

>>389322803
I did, Try reading you illiterate slob

>>389322519
I haven't actually seen a single decent argument in this thread lol

I guess if you think that a bunch of (you)s means I got "destroyed"....

>>389322835
You are.
You must be quite upset.

>>389318903
I know nothing about cars but I can write well enough. Maybe I should go apply as a host for a Car show?

>>389322875
How is it sad? You can time it yourself.
Get up the video of dean playing cuphead and get up a video of the pigeon that I linked.
Count how long it takes for the pigeon to get the food and then count how long it took for dean to get over the pillar.

There's no smoke and mirrors here.

>>389322925
You didn't. How are you exposing me if my posts are already there? Explain

>>389318903
this is like watching valves play testers all over again.

i almost felt like i was going to have a hissy fit from remembering

>>389322975
>muh (you)s
the ones you didn't get? and neither did the OP.

I would be in denial too if my argument got destroyed by /v/ this hard.

>>389323031
>How is it sad? You can time it yourself.

Yeah but do you actually think a trained pigeon doing a cognitive test is in any way comparable?

>>389321995
whats that have to do with reviews?

>>389323050
I did. Sorry you are too illiterate to read the thread.

>>389323132
you got destroyed so hard in the last thread you made another one in an attempt to get other people to counter my arguments lol. Still there are none.

>>389323158
The pigeon beat the test quicker than the journalist

>>389322975
>I haven't actually seen a single decent argument in this thread lol
Including yours dumbfuck. Congratulations, you played yourself.

>>389318903
This guy is good.
He is clickbait master.

>Implying reviewers are even relevant
With youtube and twitch they're obsolete

>>389323194
You didn't.

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>>389320881
>he doesn't know how to drive a car nobody has ever driven before
This is the best one yet.

>>389322989
I don't give a shit. Shit posting from work instead of working.

>>389323241

Yeah but it's not the same test though is it

>run repeatedly against a brick wall when a door with an exit sign is right next to him
>writes a review about how walls are too difficult

>>389320881
You have to be retarded to have any issue driving a new car after 30 minutes at most

>>389323375
It practically is.
Both have a goal that is too high to reach and must use another platform to grant them elevation.
The pigeon was able to figure it out and complete it quicker than the journalist.

It's okay Dean, people will forget about your fumble one day, well maybe not.

>>389323330
So you're saying that someone who has driven an automatic car all their life would know how to drive a manual car if they had never learned before?

>>389319532
>>389322675
Reviewing is basically giving your opinion on something. If you have zero understanding of the thing you have this opinion on please explain to me why your opinion matters?

>>389318903
Were you this good with playing Super Mario Brothers the first time, OP? The answer is a most redounding no, but a hypocrite like yourself has too much of an ego to admit as much in your life. You need to go back into the kitchen and get on with your sandwich making for you if you can not learn to quit being such a damn hypocrite to the OP on here. I know that I can probably play better than the OP, but at least I am smart, as well as nice enough, to not be a dick about it in life. I will offer constructive criticism, which is ironic, considering that I am autistic and, as such, have a difficult time about accepting, let alone interpreting, it from other people myself, to people like Mr. Takahashi, but at least I have enough of a fucking brain that it takes people a while to get the hang of video games. Let me also remind you that, in this day and age, side-scrolling shooters are indeed a rare breed of video games and that they are, sadly, on the verge of extinction, so comments like yours will ensure that, in the long run, people that make games like Cuphead will no longer make games like that and, if they are done enough times, then they will also filter into the more polished and realistic games that everyone else knows and it will also contribute to a video game industry crash that will far exceed what happened in 1982-1984, though it will not be the only reason that such a crash will happen. I could go on about the potential crash/market saturation of the video game market as a whole entire topic itself in another discussion, but the fact of the matter is that elitist twat waffles like yourself fail to comprehend two of the key rules of video games, which are to explore the mechanics of the game play and, gasp, TO SIMPLY HAVE FUN PLAYING VIDEO GAMES! This is the point that I am trying to make to all of you ungrateful little spoiled brats and you all would do well to comprehend it in your lives.

>>389323526
Don't you have to learn how to drive a manual car in driving school to get your driver's license?

>>389323524
>It practically is.

But it isn't

>Both have a goal that is too high to reach and must use another platform to grant them elevation.

One takes place in a virtual world controlled with an apparatus that must be learned

The other takes place in real life

It would be more comparable to someone using a chair to reach something high.

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>>389318903
So how can you be credible writing about something you know nothing about?If you can't PLAY the games then you can't credibly write a review for them. Like someone who has no arms can't write about a review about how the new Volvo feels. Or someone who's blind can't write a review about the new hottest movie coming out. I mean they CAN, they just wouldn't be credible.

>>389323586
Is this a pasta from reddit?

>>389323623
No, and that's not the point.

>>389322291
Dude I could lose 99 lives in original Contra by level 5 when I was 5 and playing at my grandma's friend house. Point is, if you just started doing something you'll obviously suck. Give her two days and she'll get hang of it eventually.

>>389323636
Someone with no arms can't write a review about anything.

>>389323670
It's from the source video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=848Y1Uu5Htk

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>>389323229
>you got destroyed so hard in the last thread
How exactly? Because you thought you could get away with having the last word before anyone could call you out in the last thread? All OP did was repost your last post, and you were immediately BTFO by everyone ITT.

And there are plenty of arguments that completely counter your retarded claim that you don't have to know what the fuck you're talking about in order to review games, or that Dean wasn't presenting himself as an authority on the subject. But again I would be in denial too if I got utterly destroyed like you did.

>>389323634
Ah, you're right.
It's not fair for the video game journalist with 25 years of video game experience because he needed to learn how to operate a video game controller.

>>389323712
Yes and someone who just started playing games has no business writing about said game.

>>389323302
>nuh uh!
ok kid.

>>389323746
>How exactly?

You tell me if you're so butthurt

If I don't understand shit about a sport you won't catch me giving player reviews, so why should someone who can't grasp basic mechanical learning be able to tell everyone that the game is bad because they are bad. There are plenty of games that I suck shit at that I still won't say are bad games. Being a bad reviewer because you can't take two seconds to learn is their fault, and the readers and developers suffer for it. If you want to say that the game was too hard for you and then make a small but fair review about what you think can be improved then that's your job, not sit there and whine because you can't figure out how to crouch jump and then give the game a 3/10 because you're an incompetent slob.

>>389322350

Someone should tweet this at Dean.

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>>389323741

>music critics don't need functional hears
>film critics can work bline

>>389322496
>Are you attacking all people who are bad at video games?
No, just the ones who think they have a worthwhile opinion on video games while sucking as badly as they do.

>>389323776
So do you or do you not believe that the video game journalist is literally dumber than a pigeon? This is important

>>389323861
I'm not though. You are butthurt which is why you made the claim in the first place.

>>389323925
Aren't you a hero

>>389323717
Yes, they can. Foot-writing is a thing on computers. Or they could have a proxy writing for them like people did in the old days.

>>389324006

You made the thread in the first place anon

>>389323967
When it comes to puzzle solving, yep lol.

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>>389323893
>a tutorial is a signal that the game is going to require some skill

>>389318903
This is the most frustrating thing I've seen in a long time. It's not even funny bad like Polygon plays Doom. It's just bad

>>389324135

You actually believe it?

>>389324048
What the fuck is that supposed to even mean? You retard.

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Why would anyone on this day and age take reviewers seriously?
They're all non-gamer shills that not only require bribing to give a good review, but also push their retarded agenda so they can fuck a grotesque tumblr monster.
Why, oh why in the universe would you waste your time with these failed writers, when you could use your brain and some youtube footage to decide what to buy instead?
Stop enabling these pathetic fucking failures.

>>389323893
>But it serves as an interesting social experiment
Weird, I thought it was supposed to be about informing the audience about the game, not informing the audience about how fucking terrible the reviewer is to the point where it hurts the content of the review.

>>389318903
I wonder if he is even embarassed of this play. That would require him to actually care about vidya though

>>389324218
It means you should get down of your high horse you retarded child

>>389324117
You made the argument in the first place.
This thread is just a repeat of you getting BTFO.
Only this time you can't fall back on a 404 to save your ass.

>>389324279
I wonder if you're embarassed that he has a paying job and you don't lol

>>389324281
You first shit-for-brains.

>>389324196
Well from the skill I've seen represented by the two candidates, yeah.

>>389320626
Not an argunent, sweetie. :)

>>389319024
Clumsy

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>>389324379
>defending game journalists online and being this bad at it

>he does it for free

>>389324379
Hi Dean

>>389324328
You made a thread copying my posts, because they hurt you so much. You couldn't respond to them with real arguments so you tried to get other people to do it. But they failed too. Thanks for all the (you)s though, direct and indirect

>>389324142
Well he isn't wrong. Then again "some skill" is as vague as his 18 years experience on video games.

>>389324379
I wonder if you are embarassed at your low quality trolling attempts

>>389318903
He's not a game reviewer you goddamn moron.

>>389324429
Aren't you a hero

>>389324379
Yea after that performance I would be embarrassed for both of us. Shows you that some people get paid to be incompetent.

>People are actually replying to the shittiest bait ever concocted by a human being

>>389324425

Then you might be dumber than the pigeon

It's like if people who reviewed movies had poor taste... oh wait never mind bad analogy.

>>389324379
Pretty sure he makes less than I do

>>389318903
Jesus. This is like a man eating a hotdog and complaining it doesn't taste like a hamburger, when his job is to review sandwhiches

>legit thread about an upcoming game gets deleted
>this thread stays alive

>>389324521
>low quality

This entire thread is dedicated to my posts. Clearly they're not low quality

>>389323559

Because of the fact that I can elucidate my views in a pleasing manner by using the English language better than you can, you moron.

It's not a requirement, but it's a good signifier of your experience with the medium.

If a movie reviewer couldn't understand the basic themes of Taxi Driver, for example, and unironically thought that Travis was supposed to be a hero, would you respect that reviewer's ability to discern the quality of the movie?

>>389318903
>Write well
Like if anybody with half a brain couldn't write a review for a videogame.

>>389324572
We're having a discussion on how irrelevant and needless game reviewers are.
What's the problem?

>>389320705
BUGGED FORK PHYSICS!
FUCKING EARTHQUAKE LOCALIZED UNDER ME!
DAMN PARKINSONS!

~DSP Food Critic


oops
i forgot
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

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>>389318903
No one's asking them to be able to 1cc Metal Slug 3 the first time they play it. They are however asking for the people reviewing and advertising games to be able to solve a problem that 5 year olds can solve. If you're in your 20's-30's and have worse motor-skills and hand eye coordination than a 5 year old that you struggle to push multiple buttons in a sequence. you have no place to be getting paid to talk about something that requires those skills. They don't need to be god tier gamers but they do need to be able to at least complete pic-related faster than a small child.

>>389324676

Why don't you get a job as a game reviewer? Because you have less than half a brain

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>>389324379

>>389322005
we can't now, asshole
fucking webbums ruined that joke...

>>389318903
Well just like a review score that happens to be an opinion, so i'd disagree with you on some degree.

You don't need to be StarCraft pro levels of dedicated or Fighting Game pro execution level good to review games. You should however be good enough to beat them, and understand the mechanics and why they make a game good or bad.

>>389324745
there are alot of jobs that don't take skill, anon.

doesn't mean we want them

Do they do this shit on purpose just to get hate views? What the fuck

>>389324745
That's what Gamergate was really about

>>389324731
>>389324875

Literally anyone can learn how to beat a video game you idiots. It's not rocket science.

>>389324920
The change in the video's title makes that a 100% certainty.

>>389324879

Sounds like sour grapes to me

>>389324942
>It's not rocket science
Looks like it is for the guy in the OP webm

>review cars
>can't drive manual
>car you have to review is manual transmission

Being good at driving isn't a requirement of a reviewer. Being able to write well is the sole requirement of a reviewer, you downies.

>>389325010
ok

>>389324528
He is though.

>>389325031
Yeah, he's leaning how to play the video game. That's what I just said.

>>389325042
More like

>review cars
>can't drive cars
>car you have to review is not a self driving car

>>389324519
The thread was mad repeating your argument, because the last one 404'd before anyone even had the chance tor espond with real arguments. You are upset because you got BTFO by everyone responding with real arguments to your failed one. They succeeded. YOU failed with coming up any real argument, so now all you can do is deny it ever happened and deflect like the shitbrained child you are. This thread stands as a testament to your stupidity. Thanks for all the laughs.

>>389320114
why is this retard so obsessed with seeing peoples first 26 minutes?

>>389325126
>The thread was mad repeating your argument, because the last one 404'd before anyone even had the chance tor espond with real arguments.

That thread was 500 posts long. This one is 270 posts long. You've had ample opportunity to respond with one, but you still haven't.

>>389325162
He's trying to save face in the worst way possible. It's Totalbiscuits levels of stubbornness

>>389321092
imagine if you couldn't jump past the first goomba in mario bros

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>>389324645
>>389319024

>>389319216
Shill for a shit game by appealing to people's distaste for modern journalism.

>>389319532
>Quotes someone saying something sarcastic about reviewers
I think you need to study some more English.

>>389318980
First post best post.

>>389324942
>>389325116
Someone learning the very basics of platforming shouldn't be the one reviewing a platformer. Just like someone learning the basics of guitar shouldn't be doing professional guitar reviews. A Mid-air dash mechanic isn't unique to Cuphead by a long stretch.

>>389320114
Remember to send this guy links to twitch streamers doing their first 26 minutes. I have faith even twitch streamers can do better than this guy

>>389319253
Where's the comma, fag?

>>389320493
fuck the other retard, hes probably "baiting" lol so epik le trolled! 4chinz
but youre right

>>389319024
But they can't do that. Show an example.

>>389318903
Someone needs to beat the tutorial and level one within 1:33.

>>389325031
Learning is one thing. Anyone can be good at a game if they practice. But the issue here is the person doing this as a job is being paid for it. It's expected that someone doing a professional (Used very lightly here) job would have been hired due to being the best applicant for the job.
The person playing as I stated has worse motor skills and hand-eye coordination AND problem solving skills than a 5 year old. The only conclusion we can make from the gameplay is the person playing this is either on the spectrum or mentally retarded.
Again like I said you don't need to be amazing, you don't need to be perfect but you do need to at least show enough intelligence that the average 5 year old isn't superior to you in every conceivable way.

>>389325657
meant for
>>389324942

>>389325231
The majority of those 500 posts weren't responding to your shitbrained argument, which started towards the end of that thread.

This thread is dedicated to your abject failure of an argument, which got BTFO less than 10 posts in. And it's still going, nearly hundreds of unique IPs all refuted your dumb claims with sound arguments. No one else is on your side here, there is no save for you. No matter how much you try to deny it, you got destroyed and there's nothing you can do about it. Keep up the damage control bitch.

imagine
>a car reviewer who can't drive stick and never goes above 30km/hr
>a food critic who puts everything in a blender and drinks the result

>>389319532
No, fuck you, you don't get to review something you're clueless about, that's not a review, that's called a clueless fuckwit spouting noise.

Fuck off you moronic spittoon.

>>389326180
>you don't get to review something you're clueless about,
Yes you do. Get down of your high horse you retarded child

>>389319532
Lol

>>389326491
No, you don't, you apologist pussy. You just plain fucking don't. A reviews value is in the evaluation and constructive criticism offered by a knowledgeable individual. If someone doesn't know what they are doing, what they are talking about, or how to write about it, they have no place writing a review, and have no credibility.

They are pissing in the wind, and so are you by defending them.

>>389324578
Nah I can solve out basic puzzles.

>>389326943
You don't need credibility to review anything you moron. They know how to write about games, which is why they can review games. And game journalists have way more credibility than you autistic chimps.

>>389327114
Bullshit, credibility gives weight and value to your words. Without it, you're writing literal trash, you're literally wasting your own time and the time of anyone who reads it.

Some shit, anyone can review. Anyone can taste something and offer an opinion on how it tastes. But a game isn't a fucking burger, a game has artwork, music, writing, technical and mechanical aspects, and if you're completely braindead at playing, you have no fucking business writing a "review".

Anymore than blind man has any business reviewing the Mona Lisa.

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>>389321070
>I don't know what mental issues they have
It's called being a liberal.

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>>389327114
>And game journalists have way more credibility than you autistic chimps.
And who are you to decide that, being an autistic chimp yourself? It seems to me the reviewer's credibility is clearly being marked by pic related

>>389327114
>game journalists have credibility

>>389327114
They don't know how to write though. I've read shitty harem light-novels with better prose, presentation and words that the writer actually knows the definition of. The people reviewing games think saying "Hyperbole hypothesis exposition" makes them an intellectual. Not to mention any credibility they have would be lost the second someone asks them to finish Baby's first shapes, colors and numbers faster than the average toddler.

>>389327424
You believed him when he said he wanted to keep Social security and Medicare intact, you little yokel. Now you have the most Goldman Sachs-heavy government ever. But he said he cared about you and he was White and wore a suit.

Liberals know best.

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>>389320810
>literally food analogies

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>>389318903
Soon: Auto jump and auto shoot become the norm.
Loot is a concept which will be forgotten, instead your character just auto equips an item when he kills an enemy.
You're not required to pick up health, instead you heal after a few seconds.
Every game is required to have equal amounts of each to conform all kinds of autism, like straights=gays, whites=blacks, men=women.

>>389319024
So basically style over substance

much like this game

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>>389318903
>mfw 1:10
and then even after he figures out what to do he still fucks it up 3 times
come on dude, come the absolute fuck on

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>>389327621
>Liberals know best.

>>389327434
>what is a vocal minority?
Most video game consumers don't lurk anime boards looking for things to get angry at.

Showed my girlfriend this video and the doom video. She said it's obvious they are mechanically good players but as long as it doesn't effect their review and they give it a lower score because they aren't very good at it.

>>389327719
You should watch the whole video here >>389323741 , it's painful.

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>>389323586

>>389327681
>Soon:
Call of Duty 4 came out 10 years ago.

>>389327621
Wow, no way. A pro israel republican with jewish family hires jews. Imagine my shock

>>389327761
I don't think the 132 posters in this thread amounts to the full 4 thousand dislikes on that video

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>he's still going

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>>389327434
Post yfw you're not Dean Takahashi.

>>389328086
Mercy players are literally Dean-tier.

>>389320804
Imagine being at computers

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Came in here just to confirm if first post was indeed best post.

>>389318980

And I was not disappointed.

ITT, everyone getting assblasted by an obvious shitposter.

>>389327621
Need mo money for dem programs

Old people are the niggers of society. They're only in it for the free gibs. Boomers are the worst of the bunch because they put hardly any fucking work for decades now.

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>>389323893
>Maybe they want to target gamers with a love for difficult games. That's fine. But I think they should signal that. How many games actually come with a tutorial these days? They're not popular. But if it's necessary, that is a signal this is going to require some skill

WARNING: This game has a tutorial. It may require skill. May not be suitable for persons under 12, those with motor skill deficiency, women who are nursing or may become pregnant, or video game journalists

>>389318903
It's less about being good at video games and more about problem solving skills. Even animals exhibit better.

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omg

this is the guy Microsoft hired to write a propaganda book talking about how great the fucking original Xbox was going to be

and even all these fucking years later, he has barely held a controller in his hand and can't even do a sidescrolling platformer tutorial

wtf

what a joke

>>389318903
I expect a movie reviewer to not be blind, I expect a book reviewer to know how to read. Why the fuck wouldn't I expect a game revewier to know how to play video games? What is the matter with you?

>>389320705
Imagine going to an italian restaurant then reviewing it poorly because there are no burgers on the menu

>>389328314
>I expect a movie reviewer to not be blind, I expect a book reviewer to know how to read. Why the fuck wouldn't I expect a game revewier to know how to play video games? What is the matter with you?

It's not like that at all. Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

>>389328278
Amazing.

>>389323741
this is like one of the only instances where having a frame lock option might be a good thing to have
if theyre going for that 20's animation look maybe have an option to lock it to 24 or whatever the framerate of the day was

>>389328314
>Why the fuck wouldn't I expect a game revewier to know how to play video games?
It's not even about him being able to play the game. He wasn't even able to solve a simple puzzle in less than a minute.
>>389328426
>Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?
Put up or shut up

>>389328426
high quality b8

>>389325289
I don't know if the game's shit, because IT'S NOT OUT YET you fucking spaz, but you're probably right about the rest.

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>>389328278

I can't even imagine being this much of a fraud, this guy's entire career is a big phony nothingburger

how is this allowed? how did this happen? how has he gotten away with it all these years?

>>389328426
Its more like reviewing a horror movie than saying it sucked because it wasn't funny, even though it wasn't supposed to be funny and the reviewer

>>389328543
>>389328553
>>389328592

Nope, sorry. Being bad at a game isn't the same as a blind man watching a film. You're exaggerating to make a shitty point.

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>>389318903
>be illiterate
>review books

>be deaf/blind
>review movies

>be op
>suck cock

>>389328609
that isn't the point I made at all >>389328592

>>389328623
>be op
>suck cock
Now THAT is a shit analogy. OP is a master of sucking cock

>>389328314

It's more like a case you'd expect a book reviewer to have good reading comprehension.This reviewer is like a book reviewer who misunderstands concepts and doesn't know what the "difficult words" mean.

A videogame reviewer should have some modicom of skill in actually playing the damn things.

>>389328660
You can keep repeating it but it doesn't make it true.

>>389328623

No, it's not like that at all. Why is it that nobody on this board can make a good analogy?

>>389328704

You don't have to have skill to review anything you moron.

>>389328426
>I expect a movie reviewer to not be blind
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLVM8LnxWGo

the guy is actually pretty cool, his vlog channel is nice to see how a blind person handles basic things and he's just an all around good dude

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>>389328586
>>389328481
>>389328278

Also note how Microsoft cleverly chose to hire a Japanese-American to write the book?

This was because they were up against Japanese giants Sony and Nintendo. So they chose a guy with a Japanese name to try to give the book more gravitas, like, "See, even this Japanese guy thinks Microsoft is going to crush it!"

>>389328609
>Person who lacks the ability to experience a medium of entertainment should be listened to when they relay the quality of the experience they had.
Blind film critics exist, but they rate movies based on their appeal to blind people. The only people this reviewer should be informing are people who are incompetent at video games, there ability to put their shitty experience into words does not fix the underlying flaw in their ability to critique.

>>389318903
https://twitter.com/Idubbbz/status/904953711646015488
cancer guy is making fun of us

Cuphead is a generic mishmash of jump-n-run games from the 80s and 90s that offers nothing unique or new gameplay wise and will only be remembered briefly for its aesthetic appeal. Truly it is the fez of this generation of consoles, right down to the insanely long development.