Why aren't there any good Bible video games? Fact or fiction,

which would be a cooler rpg, the old testament or the new testament?

>>387632882
Because they tend to be aimed at recruiting children into the Christian faith rather than just being enjoyable entertainment for all ages.

>>387633741
Old. Hardly anything crazy or cool happened in the new testament, whereas the world would flip over a thousand times in the old testament.

>>387632882
Well the binding of Isaac is about the bible.

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>>387633741
The Older Testament was pretty hardcore, wasn't it? They had a bunch of weird rules that made no sense and way more miracles and magical shit were afoot. The New Testament's book of Revelations might make a good DLC.

Its been 10 years since I cracked a bible open though, can any christfags confirm?

>>387632882

It's odd since many games take inspiration from it and other pieces of media, yet, they're not games about it other than shitty shovelware.

El Shaddai was a decent game, amazing visuals and music, so so gameplay, but it's still on the sort of subtle in some things and it takes a lot of creative freedom with some aspects, cool looking game tho, check it out if you haven't.

Requiem - Avenging Angel was pretty good

>>387632882
I think I'd much rather have a historical fiction game set in Sumer set right around the time of the Flood as described in the Epic of Gilgamesh. Have it be as historically accurate as possible, with maybe Gilgamesh the king of Uruk as the main character fighting wars after a megatsunami flooded Mesopotamia when a bolide hit the Indian Ocean around 2900 BCE.

>>387632882
You can get the bible for GB or GBA.

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>>387633970
>old test: earth opened up and ate dudes, seas split open, seas also turned to blood, dudes could get burned alive and would be chilling, bears mauled children at the command of god/prophet
>new test: jesus did cool stuff, that's about it. revelations was cool though

>>387633741
The Book of Mormon

seriously have you ever even looked at it? Its legit rpg material

>>387634462
>hey guys, magic is real! god is real! shit's crazy!

>all this crazy magical stuff happened a long time ago! things are pretty normal now but you just WAIT for god to get back, then things will get CRAZY again!

>keep waiting guys! g-guys?

>>387633741
Old Test would be Fallout 1-2
The Gospels would be Fallout 3
The remaining New Test would be Fallout 4

>>387634874
ikr
If there really is a god, why on earth hasn't he done anything at all for as long as human history can remember

>>387633741
New testament would basically be you being attacked by Romans with no combat options available. You'd be crucifies and be mashing attack and nothing would happen. Then you win.

>>387634874
>>387634986
>biblical times happen
>here's your proof
>no I want more proof

Fuck's sake read some theology

>>387633741
Old Testament inspired would be great

One of dozens of tribes in a desert land, old gods and new gods fight for dominance, play as super powered heroes or prophets to wage wars and kill off rival tribes and gods, re-write your place in the myth of the world, brutal melee combat and devastating divine powers are at your command.

>>387634986
>If there really is a god, why on earth hasn't he done anything at all for as long as human history can remember

You'd be surprised how much of medieval history was written off as divine intervention.

Problem was they worshipped God one way and received his blessings to conquer shit but then got their asses kicked by Muslims who said they were doing it wrong and God made new rules... and that faggot helped them win.

Cue some failed crusades and it got to them to try the Muslim thing and remove the Church from the equation. Ottomans came knocking and shat all over them again at which point they said fuck it and basically started the atheisation of Europe that keeps progressing to this day.

>>387635419
>dude god is real
prove it
>that's not the point!

>>387635785
>actually being this dense
>actually thinking I'm a Christian and not just arguing the fact of the existence of centuries of theology on the subject

You're willingly ignorant if you don't seek out theology to read when you proudly proclaim a theological stance on a subject.

>>387636080
I also choose not to indulge flat Earthers or read centuries of their dogma, is that willful ignorance?

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>>387635785
Theology isn't all gung-ho militant cults.

Many fun holidays and customs come form some form of appeasement of forrest spirits, spirits of the dead, chasing away mythical creatures and what not. The spirit isn't all that important in the end, it's the jolly occasion (and mythical beasts to populate games with).

>>387633741
New Testament if only for revelations being the culmination/climax of all your actions

>>387636427
Yes it is, actually. It's called trying to understand your opponents arguments.

Theological discussions actually give insight into why people believe things and mechanics of faith. But nah, it's just le sky fairies amirite? Literally no such thing as millennia of increasingly complex and varied features of liturgical law, schisms, heresies, reformations and Christian apology.

>>387633970
OT was more God pruning the Israelite nation to own the world and the Israelite fucking it up at every turn. NT is more God trying to save everyone in general with the promise that He's going to close the book on all this turmoil one day.

Also tolerance was way lower in the OT. Like the turn the other cheek thing that you see in NT. Yeah tell that to Elijah

>Elijah calls out the servants of Baal to make an offering but make their god light it himself
>Servants of Baal spend all afternoon screaming at the sky for their god to come set the offering on fire
>Elijah spends the whole time laughing his ass off telling them to scream louder because Baal must be asleep and can't hear them
>By the time Baal's servants get to cutting themselves Elijah calls everyone to him
>After calling on God, a giant vortex of fire comes down from heaven burning the offering, the stone altar, and all the water in the surrounding area
>Elijah rounds up his buddies and orders them to catch every single prophet of Baal so he can murder them by the river

>>387636903
Fun fact: turn the other cheek doesn't mean forgiveness. It's a leftover from Roman times when people had house slaves. Basically, you slapped your slave one very particular way. Turn the other cheek to your master, and all of a sudden he's put in a quandary - can't use one hand because it's unclean and meant for washing only, it would be improper conduct to use that hand, but slapping him the other way would be like treating your slave as an equal, the way you'd slap someone in the street who offended you. The master becomes forced into inaction.

Part of why Christianity got so big was its relatively revolutionary leanings, peaceful protest, and the concept of salvation for all was very different to the way the Romans viewed the afterlife. Jesus was a shit stirrer and look where it got him.

>>387637318
I can't remember the specifics but Jesus's trial was a bullshit affair too where they pretty much threw out all their own laws just to have him killed.

Another bit of irony is that Jesus HATED the religious environment Pharisees fostered. Where holiness could be put on a rank based on how high up in the clergy you are even though clergymen sin just as much as regular people. Not that you'd know that from today's churches.

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>>387636903
WTF I LOVE THE BIBLE NOW

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>>387637318
>Jesus was a shit stirrer and look where it got him.

People apparently like shit stirrers. In the end, he got a regular execution as any other bread stealing pleb would and is revered by 53% of the world population today.
Not bad for what's objectively seen as a poor bastard.

>>387637846
The Bible is a lot more fun than most people realize. I love how Song of Solomon is basically King Solomon having phone sex with the lady who's name I forget. Or how Rachel and Leah were competing to see who could give Jacob more children. And when Rachel saw that Leah was more fertile than her she got her handmaiden to fuck her husband so she could claim the resulting child as her own.

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>>387637887
>People apparently like shit stirrers.
Yeah, look who's in the White House by stirring shit up.

>>387633741
Old hands down

New is just feel goodery and muh moralfaggotry

>>387636427
yes you fucking retard, how can you dismiss something if you have no understanding of it

man /v/ really is best when it's not talking about videogames

A game where you play as Moses would be neat, starting in Egypt, assassinating dudes and such, then going on a longass journey to meet God and get a snake staff and become a spellslinger and harbinger of doom, fight egyptians and lead your people to a promised land (or at least try to as they fuck everything up and complain 24/7)

>>387632882
A Mount & Blade -style game about the Islamic prophet Muhammad would be more interesting.

Muhammad was basically what Jesus could have been like if Jesus was a military general.

>>387632882
Go play the you testament

>>387636903
It's amazing how much God is an asshole in the OT, and yet his followers are even worse. The story about the Ten Commandments is a great example.

>God uses lightning and thunder to yell at his followers to come up the mountain to learn what he wants
>followers scared shitless, only Moses has the balls to go
>month passes, Moses hasn't come back yet and they desperately need an outlet for their repressed religious boners
>instead of praying to their blatantly real thunder god, they pester Moses' buttbuddy to make them an idol to worshipfuck
>buttbuddy finally makes a calf out of gold because he's tired of their shit
>Moses comes down a few days later
>asks his buttbuddy what the fuck happened and why there's a golden calf
>"dude magic lmao"

It's always weird to hear that Jews are supposed to be smart when the holy book is about how retarded they are.

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>>387639763
>Jews are supposed to be smart when the holy book is about how retarded they are.
Holy shit this. Even as a kid reading the bible I was like 'why the fuck are you people so dense,' CLEARLY THIS SHIT IS FOR REAL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT HAPPENING. But nah gimme that idol dawg it shiny as fuck.

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>>387632882
>no good Bible videogames
That's where you are wrong, kiddo ;^)

>>387640884
DELETE THIS