With the coming resurrection of Dracula we are now opening positions

Hello Death,

I have some questions. Are there benefits? What's the company culture like?

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

>>383808167

If you become a part of our team you get the following benefits.

>free resurrections if you fail in your duties upon the next showing of Castlevania

We are looking to build our staff, not entirely replace it. We realize the importance that even the smallest minion can have in causing Belmont extreme hassle.

We are also an equal opportunity employer! Look at the fleamen! Most people would not employ midgets but we are an organization based on merit, not race, culture, or disability.

We also have pot roast Sundays.

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If I may be so bold, how are new minions supposed to get into the market with these requirements? The well will run dry.

>>383808856

We are an elite organization.

If you want to join a startup, join that clown named the Jaquio.

Are you looking for a combination chef/bricklayer?

>>383809687

Are you able to hit people with your bricks and/or food?

>>383809787
No, but I have a strange compulsion to make a nice meal and then stick it in a hole in the wall.

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I'm here for the Job interview. Big D said you'd love me for some reason.

I have some friends at the end of the 5th level. Think you can make an exception? I'm a very good team player.

>>383810475
Tell me about your people. Why is there a species of floating heads that look like Medusa?

Sup reddit

>>383810475

Didn't we already demote you to the first level?

>>383810143

What about candle sticks?

Rondo Death>3 Death>1 Death>SoTN Death

Hey death,
What sort of pension plan are we talking here? I need cover for all eternity.

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>>383810860
Dawn of Sorrow Death >>>>>

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>>383810839
Knight here, that was Carl. He glitched out and didn't spawn.

My bro here has a solid track record on staircases.

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>>383811019

I can offer you a position in the treasury.

>>383811112

We told you that you would have a continued position if you can learn to throw axes in an arc.

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>spend all this time getting ready for a Belmont
>some random not-belmont rolls up and slaps your shit

This is why you guys can never get ahead

>>383811327
>implying CotM is canon

>>383811327
He was just fan fiction by the foolish mortals who tried to boost morale in the face of their doom. For but a while he was thought to have existed but no.

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Hi, I'm really in between jobs at the moment. Uh, have been for a few years. And humans built a house on top of my house last week, so now I can't get back in. If you need someone to take pot shots at heroes from a -very- safe distance, I'm your guy.

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>>383811513
>>383811532

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Hello, I've got a formal complaint to your boss Count Dracula. My soon-to-be wife never applied to a position here yet I've been told she's in your workplace right now.

Please return here and I won't have to take a whip and resort to legal action.

Yours sincerely Richter Belmont

>>383807907
what do you plan to do if he resurrects as some random dude with a waifu again?

>>383811615

What is your effective range?

>>383811680

We will get right on that. Perhaps she is an intruder? We will have to deal with her accordingly.

>>383811709

Provide a superior waifu.

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>>383811615
Former employer here, don't hire this guy. He has a history of leaking classified information to intruders. This photo was taken during such a moment by a hidden security camera.

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Greetings. I was recently made redundant due to the new grimdark realistic 3d models bethesda are bringing in, and i'm sort of in a bad way right now. I'll work for literally nothing and have lots of experience fighting amongst hell abominations. Please respond.

>>383811960

Wow. Thanks for the help.

If a werewolf ever comes your way looking for help don't hire him. We had to demote him to regular ass enemy and he was still useless.

>>383811972

Would you be comfortable working in the catacombs?

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>>383807907
We have 30 years experience in the industry, our experience ranges from walking sideways to throwing shells. We have a whole team ready to rock, including hammer and flame throwers.
We'd just like to know, does your boss have an unhealthy obsession with kidnapping princesses? We have had bad experience with that in the past, it just never seems to work out.

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>>383811824
I've been told she was invited in. I've already taken measures of inspecting your health and safety regulations which I wasn't very pleased about.

More importantly, what the fuck did you all do to my Annette? I suppose I should be happy she got employed here but honestly is the outfit necessary? Pretty sure this falls under sexual harassment.

Don't make me have to enlist Maria to run checks on your staff the hard way if you get my drift.

Richter Belmont.

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>>383811824
About 20 meters using standard Deku nuts. I've kept in practice by shooting at tourgoers out of spite. I'll also need a shrubbery to hide in.

>>383811960
D-D-DELETE THIS

>>383807907
Hey Death.

Just wanted to ask if you and Dracula are fucking around with each other.

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>>383807907
Ill take a job near stairs or any vertical platforming sections

pic related, me and my sis

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>>383811296
>knight game overs Belmont three times
>boss still thinks he did a shit job

Death, you treat your workers like ass. They work harder than most minions and you pay them half amount me and my boys Robotnik and Wily do while offering only one fucking benefit that is supposed to come with the job by default. At this rate, your castle is going to get bought out by Mother Brain or some retarded shit like that. You know damn well Dracula would have your head on a stick if he decided to leave his coffin for 5 seconds and check up on how the castle is doing.

Stop relying on bad knockback physics and take care of your workforce.

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>>383807907
Trauma from The Evil Within reporting for duty. Me and my buddies are often cited as being the scariest. Would prefer to be placed in a room full of mechanical traps.

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>Man, that's a funny-looking Dry Bones

Uh, hey there tall, dark and spooky. Me and my bros here wanna enlist. Keep up the family tradition and all that. Our skills are walking into enemies with great conviction, never knowing when to give up, and having a great team spirit! If us Goombas can't take care of a problem, you just haven't thrown enough of us at it yet! Here's the stat sheet we got after graduating Minion School:

>2 HP
>1 ATK
>0 DEF

>>383812245

Are your flying friends able to carry your other team members to throw things at Ballmont? We find that annoys him spectacularly. We could easily find a spot for you as minions.

Not so much princesses but at times we may...convince...little girls to come into our castle.

>>383812394

Due to the nature of our establishment we do not need to concede to code. We are an establishment that knows no boundaries of time or space.

Honestly we don't like these harassing accusations """""Belmont""""". We have 100% employee satisfaction at Castlevania.

>>383812589

Don't be absurd.

>>383812665

You will always have a position in our clock towers since nobody else likes to work there.

>>383812707

This coming from the guy who gets his ass kicked by A FUCKING PLUMBER.

So long, gay bowser. I hope you never get your castle back from Smithy.

>>383812715

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

How does the alchemy laboratory sound?

>>383812934

Can you walk in pillars? We are looking to replace our Bone Pillars? They aren't proving very effective.

>>383810860
Why did SOTN Death have a different sprite when you saw him at the beginning of the game anyway?

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Hello. Im a skeleton and i can throw my own bones at people

>>383813063
Alchemy Lab is fine.

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>>383812934
Dammit, soldier, we're trying to run a team effort here.
I heard these Belmont can't even jump properly, don't fuck it up!

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I use to work as a nurse (basically a doctors minion)

can I apply for the Nyx position even though I am male?

>>383813396

Excellent. If you do well in there we may put you in contact with Granfaloon. I feel you would work well together.

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>>383807907
>Needing help
heh

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'ey, chief. You think you can maybe snag me a spot that isn't inside a painting, in a basement, behind a hidden wall? Not exactly a prime business spot, you feel me?

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>>383813063
Hey boss... umm...

It might not be my place to ask... but why do you take orders from the Count? You're the Grim Reaper, the very spirit of death itself and you work for some rich vampire? I-I don't mean to mock you or disrespect. Please don't fire me!

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>>383813063
>Are your flying friends able to carry your other team members to throw things at Ballmont? We find that annoys him spectacularly. We could easily find a spot for you as minions.
... Oh, yeah, we totally can carry stuff. See?

hey death,
my buddy working at castlevania says your hiring practices clearly favor skeletons. sword skeletons, rapier skeletons, boomerang skeletons, skeleton towers, skeleton heads

his whole job is just to carry around another skeleton, and he brags that he never gets fired no matter how much he runs away

is this true? i don't know if i'd feel comfortable in such a prejudiced environment

>>383813654

Where do you feel you would be most effective at improving moral? Last time we put you somewhere you started to talk about how "all the Belmont's were a bunch of potato-niggers" and then threw your pelvis at Succubus telling her you would bone her.

>>383813545

What qualities do you have? You couldn't be a nyx but maybe we can find a spot for you somewhere else?

>>383813710

Who gave you that picture.

>>383813721

Interesting. Could you pick up Belmont and throw him into a pit given enough support?

>>383813819

That is absurd. We also hire a fair amount of fauna.

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>>383813063
Pillars? Try this on for size, pal!

TOWER FORMATION, GUYS

>Hey, you know what? This makes us an 8 HP, 4 ATK, still 0 DEF Goomba Tower.

Nerrrrrrd!

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Don't sign up any of you. The job sucks, the pay sucks, the benefits are abhorrent. There's nothing worth throwing your lives away for working in that shithole of a castle. Sure it looks fancy on the outside and the music playing in the halls is rad but the level of disrespect I've had from fellow devil forgemasters was enough to make me quit.

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>>383813063
That same plumber is also a shapeshifting demigod with infinite fireball spam. He doesn't grow tired, he doesn't get hungry, and he never runs out of lives. Your enemy is a miserable little pile of secrets that brings down your castle. Mine razes them by the dozen. It's not even one fucking guy or even a family. Some literal who has kicked your shit in at least twice.

Treat your workers better. At least I give my supernatural minons the benefits they deserve.

>>383814003

You're hired. Report to the Royal Chapel.

You will have to make a commitment to increasing your HP and ATK though.

>>383814128

That's it. I am calling HR and you are never getting a reference from us again.

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BRING BACK GARDENS

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Wraargh

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>>383813936
>Interesting. Could you pick up Belmont and throw him into a pit given enough support?
... O-of course!
(Fuck, guys, I think he's onto us, what's plan B? I don't want to go clean up Bowser's latest post-defeat mess AGAIN. Maybe we can use the Dry Bones? They seem to like skeletons)

>>383814182

You go and fucking play soccer with the guy you little shit. He probably steals the keys to your little shacks you call "castles" while you are too busy staring at your waifu you god damn virgin.

We provide an eternity of resurrection as long as you work with us. What benefit do you have that outclasses that?

>>383814293

WE HAVE HAD GARDENS IN THE PAST THREE ITERATIONS OF THE CASTLE WHAT MORE DO YOU FUCKING WANT?

>>383814380

Hi?

Galamoth is offering similar positions with better pay and benefits, what can Dracula offer that his competitors don't have?

>>383814430
HEDGE

MAZE

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Underlings report in! I believe introductions are in order. I'm your boss, Count Cru-Dracula. As you may not have heard, we shall not be staffing Castlevania for the sake of world domination or whatever vague direction the company has been headed in.

Death, you're fired. You have 5 minutes to pack and get out before I make the castle disappear.

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>>383814430
*pow*

>>383814576

You realize that Galamoth is currently under our employ?

>>383814416

Can you give us a demonstration? Use a paper belmont if you like.

>>383814649

Talk to the gardeners. Those little midget shits are more interested in cutting kneecaps then cutting a hedge maze.

>>383814681

Who the fuck are you? You skinny jean wearing little shit.

>>383814741

*pow* Belmont and I can find a position for you in the outer walls.

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I hide in far away vantage points and fire darts covered in shit at intruders. Demoralizing AND deadly. I can provide my own equipment, no need to supply me.

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I'm between jobs at the moment but have 6 years of experience in hero frustration -

Working on my own (tight dark places preferred).

Working as part of a team, and working as part of a team under direct management supervision.

I'm really dedicated with a one track mind but don't ask me to handle any corners.

>>383814897

I have already heard reports about your effectiveness and we are super glad you would like to join our team.

Where do you feel you would excel? What do you see yourself accomplishing in your first 30 days?

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>This thread

Good shit anons

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Hello, I've noticed that certain higher ranking minions working at Castlevania LLC are able to hold conversations with these Belmonts before they begin their fight; I would like to apply to such a position.
I'm also available for having conversations multiple times before combat is required.

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>>383813936
>What qualities do you have?

I have carried a dead body at least twice.
I have experience with taking blood and giving transfusions
In more than one occasion I have had to wrestle a crazy guy to the floor then tie him to a bed.
And, like all nurses, I have developed a hatred for humans.

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Mr Death,

I'm Bane and I'm a big guy (for you). My previous experiences include of not getting shot before being thrown off a plane.

With your help I think I could become immortal if someone would consider taking that off.

I have a video-based CV somewhere on the internet, just search for "TKDR Plane Scene". It's pretty rad.

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>>383814896
Look, forget about flying, just take a look at the Dry Bones. Can ANY of your skeletons do that?

>>383814896
>You realize that Galamoth is currently under our employ?
Well then you may want to keep an eye out, he may or may not be plotting something

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>>383815007
I'm an excellent team player and work best when I have some fellows to distract the hero.
I'm hoping to be able to frustrate the Belmonts so much they will no longer want to attack Mr.Dracula's castle.
I'm also willing to work literally anywhere. Sewers are my expertise.

I just got a report that Dracula's little shit kid was in the halls playing with weapons again.

I need to go take them away before he does any damage.

Please continue to submit your requests and I will see to them shortly.

I would also like those who have applied to try and come up with a strategy. We really like to promote outside the box thinking at Castlevania.

>>383814967

How fast can you spin? Can you also deliver food to various areas of the castle?

>>383815135

Some of us have a history with the Belmont's. They aren't very talkative otherwise.

>>383815146

Would you consider joining the Bone Ark brigade? They always need pole bearers.

>>383815210

How confident if your ability to "break the Belmont" so to speak?

>>383815270

That is pretty spooky but our red skeletons are already able to do that. We could provide paint for your friend to join their squad.

>>383813351
Direction for the game changed during development.

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>>383807907
HUH!

>>383811513
>>383811532
CotM and N64 ones were reinstated into canon actually shortly before OoE. Someone please post the official timeline.

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>>383814430
That builds worker relationship and moral. Of fucking course you haven't heard of a company picnic you shitter. Heaven forbid someone share's a beer with the protag every week. Turns out Mario is the most chill motherfucker around. You bet your ass he's in on the regular kidnapping thing.

You wanna talk benefits? Every Big Boss establishment has ressurection you dingus. All workers are insured while pre existing weak points and hazard accidents are covered. Also we have Dental. The piranha plants love that

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What a pathetic rabble.

Not able to stand a chance against a family of BDSM fetishists.

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DEATH. MY OFFICE. NOW.

YOU ARE IN HOT WATER.

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>>383815421
You may have taken away my gear but I'll be back. Keep clawing and clinging to that far off promotion because that is a distant reality you'll not see in millennia. Not as long as I have my fathers ear and your countless fuck ups to rely upon. You're not worthy of the position.

>>383807907
I have videos of Dracula giving you the bone and I will release them unless you give me the maximum benifits avaliable.

Best do what I say you decrepit old bitch.

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What is this new anime people are talking about?

Alright I took the weapons away from that bastard child of Dracula's and now he is running around punching Skeletons in the face. Teenagers, I swear.

>>383815420

You are a man with a stick. What is your background?

>>383815460

???

>>383815971

We have hired your type before, what do you bring to the table.

>>383816064

Go write about how oppressed you are on your Tumblr blog you little shit.

>>383816043

I made your favorite! Pot roooooooast!

>>383816589
Netflix western anime based on CV3, pretty good if you ask me.

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>>383815421
In a straight line, very fast. You'll need to make some space for us to slow down though, unless you like your food mashed up in the walls.

Hire 5 of us and we'll carry you around in style, per pic related.

>>383816589
Netflix original show. Discussion is sadly ruined by /pol/ and Deus Vult LARPers.

>>383815676

If you had such good benefits and employee satisfaction I wouldn't have your minions over here complaining about cleaning up yet another one of your messes. At least we have an accident once every 100 years at most while yours come every week to a manlet plumber shit.

>>383816797

Do you have enough to form an intramural karting league? We could use the time killer in between castle iterations and during renovations.

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>>383816727
Ex-excuse me, I fear I've been mistook by some of your employees as your boss...

I hope you can clear the air up here... I'll just see...myself out...

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>>383807907
Are you hiring tech witches with criminal records? Asking for my friend.

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I'll do the logo!

>>383817185

We tried the anime route once, didn't work so well. I even learnt kung fu. What is a "tech witch" exactly?

>>383817089

No problem Belmondo, the door is just three floors down. You should have no problem leaving and being forgotten forever.

>>383817275

What the fuck is this shit?

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>>383816727
Well previously, I lived in the sewers firing shit darts at passerby, but I've got some big ambitions.
I'm a crack shot with a blowgun and I'm very good at finding vantage points to fire from.
I worked for Ms.Quelagg for a few years and she can attest to my excellent track record.

>>383816931
There are around 30 of us in total, which would be enough for a small league. If you need some more evidence of my dedication, can I recommend you look at the amount of bloodstains in the catacombs underneath Firelink Shrine and also the sewers in the Painted World? Our effectiveness is second to none, 6 years on.

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>>383816727
Hire?

I'm Asmodeus, one of the lords of hell, your master Dracula should be bowing to me.

I'm not sure why a being as esteemed as you would debase yourself to follow such a failure of a vampire lord.

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>>383816727
Don't give me that pot roast shit. I only drink blood you boner.

This is not about you abusing my child. This is not about the tape that just leaked. This is not even about a certain turtle calling me up about how you've been running the place while I'm asleep.

No, this is about your most recent encounter with Simon. Reports from the local medusa heads have told me that you have been firing 1(ONE) sickle at a time. I will not stand for this! Death, I am officially demoting you and I'm hiring a new supervisor from outside. He's a bit of a nerd, but his resume is superb and he knows how to run a proper base. Renovations are already underway. Effective immediately.

Be glad I didn't fire you. Now go back to your lair and give my son back his toys. He's fucking 7. I'd forgive this if it were 10 years from now, but come the fuck on man.

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>>383817338
CUBES and accidental hate fueled ICBM that totally wasnt my fault

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BRICK FROG

>>383816931
Isn't that because your boss waits that long before starting up his plans again because he knows he can't beat the current Belmont?

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4?

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>>383817350

We could find a position for you in the abandoned mines to best put to use your skill set. Many vantage points, very good areas to shoot from. Does this sound like somewhere you can excel?

>>383817452

It's THE skeleton wheels? You are on board. What area do you want to work in the castle? Any thing we can do for you?

>>383817591

Dracula and I go way back. Plus it's not a bad way to kill some time.

>>383817625

I'm sorry you must be mistaken. I was throwing multiple sickles as you can see from the attached picture. There are clearly three.

Let's be honest, nobody else is going to do my position as well as I. We are even building a brand new (second) castle.

>>383817754

We will consider it if you can recruit the space pirates. Your love for CUBES and their love of TUBES should come in handy.

>>383817774

Yes?

>>383817887

Those rumors are exaggerated. Ignore them.

>>383818054
Working in a mine is a big step up from sewers and swamps, that sounds excellent. I won't let you down.

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>>383818054
Thanks for having us, the last guys we were working for shut us down right when we were getting popular. You can put us where you like but what we've found over the last few years is that people will go out of their way to avoid us if we're in an optional area. Best to make it somewhere nice and mandatory.

Placement of some ramps so we can do some sick jumps desirable but by no means necessary, just try to avoid walls if you can.

>>383817338
>What the fuck is this shit?
Havent you heard? it's the new trend in graphic design! We'll be able to use this super flat-design logo on our website, mobile app, coffee mugs, and caps.
We have so many women working here, but they're often bullied or suffer from sexual harassment!
So with this new logo we will show the GREAT DIVERSITY in our work environment.

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>>383818054
Most RECENT encounter with Simon. Don't sweep this under the rug or I might fire you right now. I wasn't too proud of that horrible night either, but I at least tried to fight back.

Here's a photo captured from one of our surveillance cameras. You can clearly see the singular sickle being thrown. That's it, I'm docking your pay. it's magic I don't gotta explain anything

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¡Hola! Mi llamo El Hombre del Mariachi. Yo soy muy diligente y cariñoso de mi trabajo. ¡Alquilo, por favor!

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>>383818520
>>383818054

WAIT NO. I've had an idea sir.

Put us in the clock tower and we'll get in the bouncing cogwheels.

>>383819080
>>383818520

Fucking fantastic. You are hired.

>>383818535

Yeah no. We don't follow any of those silly fads. Keep it classy or get out.

>>383818593

Dracula we talked about this. Simon's Quest was simply a bad dream that never happened.

>>383818961

Ola senor. I would like to point out this is an English speaking environment.

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>>383818054
>We will consider it if you can recruit the space pirates
I um.. call you later.

>>383819287
It happened alright. Now quit being in denial about your shit performance and go back to your room.

You're a bigger crybaby than Alucard. Show some fucking backbone.

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Do you have any warm, dry places that are easy to step on by mistake? If your Belmont friend steps on me then he'll fall right asleep.

Maybe the edge of a platform with a tight jump? I mean I'm likely to walk off if I wake up, but I probably won't.

Leave a message here and I'll reply later, I think I need to go now because I'm so sl

>>383819497

Fine. Fuck it. Fire me.

Let's see how shit of a vampire you are without me managing your castle.

Don't fucking come crying to me when Belmont knocks on your door again.

>>383819497
Hey, don't pick on Death. He does more work than you ever have. You show up and what? Toss out three predictable and easily dodged patterns of attack? To the point where anyone who is able to repeat that pattern gets to be Dracula-For-The-Day, even? I mean, fuck.

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>>383815421
>That is pretty spooky but our red skeletons are already able to do that. We could provide paint for your friend to join their squad.
Will this do? Best I could do on short notice.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

>>383819996

Lose the logo.

>>383820015

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH to you to.

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>>383819752
I don't know if you heard but your job was automated a while ago, might want to diversify our skillset

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Ayyyo Death, hol' up...

*Summons chorus of medusas with snake afros*
Who's the black magic priest
That's a death machine to all the chicks?
(SHAFT!)
You're daaamn right...

Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, Drac?
(SHAFT!)
Can ya whip it?

Who's the bat that won't cop out when there's Belmonts all about?
(SHAFT!)
Right on...

You see this bat Shaft is a bad mother...
(SHUT YOUR MOUTH!)
But I'm talkin' about Shaft...
(Then we can whip it!)

He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his vampire
(Shinkan Shaft!)

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>>383807907
>must have proven success as a minion or enemy in past positions
I've slaughtered many prey.

>must be able to work long hours
All night long, if you know what I'm saying~

>both team players and individuals are encouraged to apply as long as you are dedicated to stopping Belmont
Fuck the Healing Church, fuck Belmont, whoever he may be.

>resistance to holy weapons preferred
I can literally teleport throught them, like, it's not even personnel. No problem.

>merit based performance if you wish to move to better sections of the castle
I know castles pretty well, particularly snowy ones.
Also I'm an undying God, that might help.

>must like roast beef and chicken
Crucified Beast roast is my speciality

Will I be accepted?

>>383820346

Interesting song. How would you tackle the Belmont problem?

>>383820347

On one condition.

I get your Scythe.

>>383819782
WELL YA KNOW WHAT YOU BONERIFIC PILE OF BONES? YOU'RE FIRE- Oh hold on, phone's ringing. I gotta take this.

.....
.....
.....

Uh huh. Okay, thanks. I'll tell everyone.

Attention everyone. I regret to inform you all that the higher ups at Konami corporation have decided to shut us down since apparently the found an even more profitable way to handle this establishment. Everyone including myself and Death are losing their jobs and the castle is getting renovated a second time into a Pachinko establishment. Effective inmediately.

This fucking sucks. I'm sorry Death. You were and still are my bro

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>>383820469
>I get your Scythe
Sure, I'll ask gramps.

>>383820803

See what happens when you try to run things? Let me go "take care" of the executives.

Folks things will continue as planned.

>>383820469
>How would you tackle the Belmont problem?
Like we did last time mang, we brainwash the Belmonts.

We only need to make sure that a certain SOMEONE doesn't let SOMEBODY enter the castle again, then maybe we could finally get down to business with the Master's plans, you know?
Or do you think I can do all by myself? Uh?

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>>383820268
Done, boss!

>>383821146
Had nothing to do with me.

Apparently they've been wanting to do this for a while.

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>>383807907
Out of the way everyone, Ridley reporting in
Ready to work day and night, with a horde of space pirates by my sides
>resistance to holy weapons preferred
The only thing able to injure me is a mecha suit engineered by bird people so this doesn't matter
>must like roast beef and chicken
Only whole, live chickens.

>>383821310

Not sure who you are REFERRING TO when you say SOMEONE can you be more CLEAR?

>>383821482

Excellent work. You will be in the library.

>>383821724

Let me take care of it. Management has never been your thing.

>>383822002

Only if you bring the space pirates along and use their TUUUUUUUBE love to make us Go Kart tracks for the wheel skeletons.

>>383822154
>Not sure who you are REFERRING TO
Maybe some Belmont whipped you in the skull a bit harder than usual when I was away.

Should I remind you when YOU let the young master in even after he told you, very clearly, that he was going to kill Master Dracula?
Should I also remind you how bad you jobbed to him later on and left me alone to manage all the problems?
Oh, and for the records, you were also responsible for the staff back then and let me remind you how terrible they all were, the only one who was barely up to the job was Galamoth, and don't forget about that goody two shoes librarian neckbeard, I'm already getting angry just thinking about him.
>>383822002
Who the hell are you?
Wait, are you the distant cousin Slogra always babbled about when he got drunk?

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>>383822154
Already on it, at least you allow fun unlike fucking Mother Brain
>>383823232
Who the fuck even are you?

>>383823232

Your brilliant plan got countered by a pair of GOGGLES.

>>383824486

I expect a fully functioning track by Saturday.

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>>383824486
Hey boss! Where should we put these tubes? Is there a SCIENCE lab somewhere in this castle? I'm experimenting with some new whip tube technology! I'll need some test subjects, will the skeletons do? We ran out of metroids.

>>383824486
>Who the fuck even are you?
I am the Dark Priest, Shaft, AKA The Baddest Motherfucker Around, show some goddamn respect.
>>383824751
>Your brilliant plan got countered by a pair of GOGGLES.
You dumb pile of bones, those were there for the staff to not accidentally break my orbs, you were the one who let the Master's son in and allowed him to get them.
None of this would have happened if you simply killed him there, for fuck's sake you even took his weapons and armor off and you didn't kill him, and then somehow blame it all on me, what the fuck is wrong with you?

>>383825515

THE FUCKING GIRL HAD THE GOGGLES.

>>383825995
>THE FUCKING GIRL HAD THE GOGGLES.
AND GUESS WHO LET HER IN?

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Hello, is this where I can sign up to spar with the "Belmonts"? I've heard they are great warriors.

>>383826486

I WAS DEALING WITH THE TUMBLR POSTING EMO SON OF THE BOSS

>>383826501

Define "spar"

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>>383825426
No science, these guys are LARPers and use """dark magic""". Put the tubes where the skeleton wheelers are. Go ahead with the whips, make sure noone notices though
Why did I hire a bunch of retards again
>>383825515
Bitch please the only shaft here that deserves respect is my own

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>>383826593
>Define "spar"
A one-on-one fight where I can hone my skills to become the strongest fighter and seek the answers I've been looking for

>>383827023

Will you kill him?

>>383827075
Kill? No, I would never.

>>383827367

You know accidents happen.

And I am Death! I could just bring him back!

...

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>>383827430
pssst, boss, I know the guy. He all goes crazy and shit when he gets too bloodthirsty. I'd say let him in and say it's a training match and maybe pull his insurance since he becomes a different person. I got picture as proof

>>383826593
AND WE'RE BACK TO POINT ONE YOU WORTHLESS CALCIUM SNIFFING SACK OF BONES, YOU LET HIM IN, BECAUSE BOO FUCKING HOO I'VE SEEN HIM GROW UP IN A FINE LADDIE, MUH BOSS' SONNY WILL COME BACK TO US ONE DAY AND WHATEVER, UH?
WELL, WE ALL PAID FOR YOUR MISTAKE!

AND NOW YOU'RE SERIOUSLY LISTENING TO A CRAZY GOOK IN A SLEEVELESS PAJAMA AND THINK HE CAN DEAL WITH THE BELMONTS?
>>383826640
You have no shaft to speak of, featherless chicken, back to your sector before I get more pissed off.
Wait...Did you just mention "whips"?

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>>383826640
BOSS! BOSS! BOSS!
I animated a pile of rocks!

>>383828098

Throw it out.

>>383827846

YOU CAN KILL MY BOSSES SON

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Mr. Death, I heard about your job offer and I find myself intrigued. I'm a goal-driven individual with impeccable work ethics. I assure you I won't disappoint.
>>383819080
Hey, Wheel dudes! You also going to interviews, nice!

>>383828098
LEAVE MY GOLEMS ALONE!
>>383828286
>YOU CAN KILL MY BOSSES SON
OH, NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THAT AS WELL AFTER GETTING ALL THE GIRLS, BRAINWASHING THE BELMONTS, CREATING A REVERSE CASTLE AND RESURRECTING THE MASTER? -YOU- ARE """"""DEATH""""" HERE, IF YOU CAN'T KILL AMYTHING AND DO THE ONE JOB YOU HAVE THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN HERE FOR?
NO REALLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU, DEATH, HERE AFTER ALL THESE CENTURIES IF YOU COULDN'T EVEN KILL ANYONE OTHER THAN THAT GAYASS WALTER?

btw how true is that netflix adaptaion to the original series.should i watch it?

>>383829060
It's surprisingly good. It's based on Dracula's Curse

I was hoping this thread would be funnier than it is

>>383828830

BECAUSE I REMEMBER CARRYING THE BOY AS A BABY AND HE PULLED MY FINGER

>>383829060
It's an adaptation of castlevania 3. While they do take liberties with the characters, I think it's quite faithful. Some plot points from the game are also re-imagined like how the characters meet up. Too bad the music isn't castlevania-like at all but the show is worth checking out.

>>383829335
the bit were dracula tells lisa that garlic,holy water and silver are useless was bullshit honestly

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>this thread
I love you /v/

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Shark Giant Reporting in. I have two brothers living in a well nearby is is possible for us to set up a trio we can rush people down to absurd levels.

>>383830157

Can you swim?

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>>383830331
Not a problem my brothers live in a well after all

>>383830432

Alright mate we need more underwater minions.

Maybe a boss. You seem to be doing some good work there.

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>>383830681
Sounds good when do we start I need to train my brothers in an ambush tactic might get them to stick to the ceiling and blend into the environment.

When I get injured they can both hop down and fuck the duder up you get me?

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>>383829279
Demons below...I'm surrounded by sentimental imbeciles.
No matter, It's almost midnight and I have to get the girls for the rite, now, to get out of this fucking orb...
>>383830920
Hmmm, you'd be a good addition to those fishmen and sahagins in the castle's sewers.

One more thing, If you're looking for the bathrooms they're in the coliseum two levels above the sewers, and before you give me that look, it was Death's idea, he likes to see Succubus catfights, he probably peeps on them too after they're done.

>>383830920

Report to the seaman on Friday.

A skeleton wheel kart while escort you and your brothers in style at the entrance.

>>383829060
Takes 3 episodes to get into actual Castlevania 3.

>>383831052

Everyone knows damn well I get off to the Sirens you fucking ass.

>>383816904
>m-muh pol

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*knock knock*
Anybody home?

>>383831710

AH SHIT THERE'S A BELMONT IN THE CASTLE

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT DRAGON

>>383831561
Nobody asked you about your many fetishes, bonehead.
Though now I understand why you were so insistent about going to that ghost ship back then, waste of living pictures though since you were more worried about jacking off your boner to sirens instead of actually fighting Belmonts.
>>383831710
This is a respectable demon castle with no vampires, go away, silly do-gooder.

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>>383832306
Did you just mention vampires, good sir?
*readies whip*

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>>383831904
OH BOY
>>383831710
>>383832586

>>383832586
Don't you have a witch to knock up? Shoo shoo

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You guys have a place for me?
I am not a kid anymore, seeing Lillith and Sucubus, I think you guys have a good place for a female like me.
Well, not bad huh?

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>>383810797

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>>383832869
>>383832934
How rude. I am here for a workplace ethics inspection. Will you take me to your manager, please?

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AYO SENPAI

AH I HERD YOU WUZ LOOKIN FOR SUMONE TO LOOK AFTER THA BOOKS N SHIET

>>383833129

Not sure if I like that boy you are hanging around.

What sort of insurance/health plan do you offer in case I get my soul stolen by the reincarnation of dracula?

>>383832869
Not you. You're too big

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Ahhh, finally out of that dang orb.
Now, Death said /u/ should have some pure maidens, maybe I should go take a look over there.
>>383832586
You're wasting your time, son of Belmont, the master isn't here, if you read the thread you would know but I guess you're too busy phantasizing about whipping grown up men while you wear that metrosexual skimpy leather outfit of yours, uh? How about you worry about perpetrating your bloodline of do-gooders first.
>>383833129
You're not fooling anyone, do-gooder brat.
Grow some pubes and get laid before you even think about it.

>>383833568
I take it you are in charge, old man?

>>383833319
He is a stalker...boring little fella, he ccan't even control that whip or something, don't worry about him!
I am a skilled magician! I mentioned that I am not a kid? Don't let my looks fool you!

>>383833568
I-I-I have pubes, lot's of them! And sex too, lot's of sex!

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H-hey Death? C-can I be let free now?

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I'm here for the jab interdweebs

>>383833486

Dracula would never steal the soul of a minion.

>>383833832

SOrry, you are going to have to provide some proof you are an evil minion.

>>383833897

You know why you are in there.

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>>383832869
Errr, boss?
That Belmont guy managed to find our Phazon supply and somehow infused his whip with Phazon. I think I miss the Hunter already.

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POYO!

>>383834348
Phazon is a health hazard, I have merely confiscated it so nobody gets hurt.
Now I will ask one more time, where is your manager?

>>383834538
Third tube on the left. We have this experimental morphing ball technology if you want to try it?

>>383834348

WHAT THE FUCK'S A PHAZON

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>>383834328
Yeah, right. My bud was interning for you and now he's stuck carrying this faggot around.

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>>383807907
Just set me up high near some perilous drops and that Belmont guy is as good as dead. I've got experience too, with warriors and wizards alike. Also, kind of unrelated, but something about you really reminds me of one of my old superiors.

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>>383834328
I am sending a photo of my fight with Grant, a little pirate that fought alongside the Belmont family.
Hope this is enough!

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I used to work for science team but quit when I realized they had vapor for brains. I'm used to dealing with intruders utilizing intergalactic technology and energy weapons. I think I can handle some unwashed Romanian with a crucifix and a whip.

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>>383833760
I am merely a servant to Master Dracula, I just happen to manage a few things around here while the Master is...busy.
But enough of this, I must go to /u/ at once.
>>383833832
You think you can fool an old man, little girl? Old men like me can smell a girl's purity and depravity easily, you would know if you read anything other than those dang Yaoi books of yours, I'll have you know I NTR'd many a husband back in my days of glory, and you smell like an inexperienced do-gooder.
>>383834691
See? This is what happens when you hire just about anyone.

>>383834626
Ah I am not allowed to do anything untested. Would you be so kind as to demonstrate?

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>>383807907
Jiggly!

>>383807907
Hey mister death,
I served as a feeding slave for a bloodsucking overlord for a while, got a fair experience on working under extreme conditions
Well imma be honest, i am not good with pointy stuff like but i believe i can make an excellent revival councelor.
It takes some time to get used to endless cycle of death and life, can even cause Post Revival Stress Disorder if not handled carefully, thats where i will come in with my social skills and never ending passion towards serving my masters

>>383834785

Do you like high places? We may have some spots for you.

>>383834801

Yeah I am going to need to see some corpses.

>>383834851

This may be bad news for you but now we have the science team with us.

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>>383834915
Oh it's perfectly fine! It actually manages to put the whole body inside the ball now. We're still having trouble with the other part, though. Maybe Phazon will help?

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>>383835359
My friends and I have been put in a tight spot due to company closure, and we need new work fast. We aren't picky about location or salary, and we're skilled enough with various weapons to fit in well with our new coworkers. If you need references, I have plenty from the three kingdoms we've served in.

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>>383835359
>Do you like high places?
The higher the better. Don't be fooled by my size and lack of weapons, I'm really very dangerous. It doesn't even matter if my enemy is wearing heavy plated armor, I'll blow them away every time, guaranteed.

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Hello Mr. Death. I'm a skeleton.

>>383835610
The usage of Phazon is not ethical so unfortunately I can't allow it, kind sir. Seeing as I can't get through to your manager would it be ok if I asked you some questions regarding your experiences working at Castlevania?

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>no Mets
Shameful

>>383836009

Hired.

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>>383835740
>It doesn't even matter if my enemy is wearing heavy plated armor
Heavy plated armor is one thing, heavy plot armor is another, how do you fare against that, sonny?
>>383836285
STOP HIRING WORKERS WITH NO CREDENTIALS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE SKELETONS

>>383836231
Oh man it's been great! Tons of test subjects and no sign of the Hunter!

>>383836826
Wonderful! Could you fill in the following survey? It'd tremendously help the inspection.

1. Have you encountered any vampires at your workplace?
2. Was one of said vampires Dracula?
3. Do you consider the presence of vampires a work ethics breach?

>>383836638

SKELETONS ARE SOLID

>>383835359
Science team can get eaten by grenchlers. Even if my EMP cannon might not be the greatest thing against vampire hunters, my repertoire of weaponry will insure no Belmont can pass by.

>>383837053
>1. Have you encountered any vampires at your workplace?
Yes
>2. Was one of said vampires Dracula?
That's our new boss following our acquisition!
>3. Do you consider the presence of vampires a work ethics breach?
What's a work ethics?

>>383837445
Thank you for your help. We at the Belmont company find these answers extremely problematic. I shall return another day with several associates including Ms. Belnades. Please inform your manager a full inspection is forthcoming.

>>383836638
>heavy plot armor
If you're looking to hire minions that can get through heavy plot armor, I think you might be setting your expectations a little too high. That's the kind of thing you need a boss for at minimum. And not some mid-story boss either, we're talking final boss or second in command level importance.

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Death why are you asking these lowlifes to help with protecting the Castle? They're just going to end up being fed to the grinder anyway. Go ask Chaos to send some of it's servants from the Chaotic Realm to help out instead. That would probably work better than whatever.....this is.

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>>383837070
AAAAHHH, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU IDIOT>>383837445 YOU HIRED A FUCKING WHISTLEBLOWER!
GODDAMN IT, WHY? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCK UP ALL MY WORK?

FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SKELETONS, I'M BREAKING MY BACK OVER AT /u/ WHILE YOU SIT HERE AND HIRE A LEGION OF IMBECILES!
>>383837445
YOU THERE!
CALL YOUR BOSS, YOU'RE ALL FIRED!
>>383838061
Then you're not up to job, son, get out before you get hurt.

>>383838385

We need to make an attempt to hire workers abroad first before I can go to the Chaotic Realm and fill in all the paperwork for those folks to come on the proper work permits.

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>>383838589
Most of these workers are effectively the lowest of the low. We are truly scraping the bottom of the barrel here. Back in my day, when the hordes of our lord and god Chaos were unrestrained, true monsters where everywhere, and not this pathetic bunch a maggots. Hardly any of them could even count as boss-material for crying out loud!

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>>383815676
>we also have dental

>>383839131

Well you need to blame Hell for the tighter visa requirements after the new election. My hands are tied and I plan to do things by the book.

We run a reputable establishment here.

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It's over, the Belmods found my thread on /u/ and pruned it.
Might as well go to /h/ or /d/ to hire more monstrosities and assorted semen demons...
>>383839131
Chaos, my boi! I need your help, ysince you created /d/ I need to ask you to deliver us a batch of assorted monstrosities, but go easy on the amount of dicks, Master Dracula isn't into that kind of stuff.

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Hi dad, I'm back from my exchange program in Tokyo. Mr. Lucifer said I was a great worker and offered me a job after I finish my degree! Do you still have that temporary summer position open? I need some money to buy some buffs for beach season.

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>>383839256
>Well you need to blame Hell for the tighter visa requirements after the new election.

We have not heard of this. Who did they elect this time? It wasn't that "Belial" guy was it?

>>383839567
Hmmm, very well. You shall gain what you desire. Just ensure that you don't go overboard with this, sorceror.

>>383839825
Matador, you scoundrel, where's your little brother David?
I heard of your deeds from your uncle, Daisoujo, you can rest easy here, Belmonts don't know how to use buffs.
>>383840601
Wonderful, I knew I could count on you, unlike some other guy who thinks he's hot stuff because he can't die.

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>>383807907
ME BLOOD SKELETON
ME LITERALLY INVINCIBLE

>>383841123
I wonder how Dracula never made more powerful blood skeletons