Who would have thought best movie of 2017 would be Pirates of

Shittiest movie. Shoulda ended ob the trilogy alone.

>>87677991
So much better than other shitshows we have like spiderman, wonderwoman and others

>>87678050
Nahh, you're blinded by the Jew. All the summer movies sucks. I take no side.

>>87677945
Are you seriously asking why another generic blockbuster entryl didn't make money?

>>87677991
It was better than 3 and miles better than 4. I'm comparing turds here anyway.

>>87677945

It was boring, the action was soulless

>>87678278
>action was soulless
And first two had epic sword fighting ?

>>87677945
>Why didn't it make enough ?
it made over $800m

>2017
>Still watching Pirates flicks

That's one of the worst series of movies to exist.

Yack Spahrow

>>87678267

It was on par. I'd say it had many of the same problems as 3 only instead of Elizabeth/Will being too forced into that movie, in 5 it was Jack. It would have been a much better movie without him. No doubt a whole lot cheaper, too.

>>87678846
The main problem with 3 is that 75% of it was pure, mindless padding.

Nearly fell asleep when I saw the CGI wetbacks

I liked Depp's bloat and Kaya nearing the end of her shelf life

>>87677945
it wasnt a huge mess like the last one but fuck me it make the third film look like a master piece

first what the hell was up with jack,
in the first 3 films he was a coward but he knew when to run and when to fight . in this it felt like they wrote him in at the end , he is literally the comic relief except he wasnt funny.
set designs were nice special Barbossa's ship

speaking of Barbossa he was the best part of the whole film. his daughter was just Elizabeth swan 2.0 same with turners kid

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>>87679037
>Kaya nearing the end of her shelf life

>>87679111
the bank scene at the start was pointless and the guillotine scene even more so
the girl got caught like 10 times (maybe not but it felt like it)
the big bad even tho his motivation was exactly the same as davey jones's, was actually really cool and i like the ghost effects.
barbossa dies was pointless and made no sense.

>>87679214
Her looks fell off a cliff in the last few years. Plus she has bird feet and trashy tattoos.

>>87679218
>the bank scene at the start was pointless and
it introduced jack, was a big action scene like the others
>the guillotine scene even more so
the jokes between jack and karina worked and I guess was similar to the wheel in 2 maybe
>the girl got caught like 10 times (maybe not but it felt like it)
her and turner kid got caught the same amount he maybe got caught more
>the big bad even tho his motivation was exactly the same as davey jones's, was actually really cool and i like the ghost effects
I agree they were similar which is why they only showed will at the beginning but I agree they were neat and I liked salazars hair flowing like it was in water
>dies was pointless and made no sense.
must of wanted out of the series with a big bang plus whos to say he wont be back again with the after credit tease

>>87679545
after credit scene was nice it didnt reinvented movies and some jack sparrow scenes where shit but overall a solid "popcorn flick"

>>87678989

Yes. The padding being Elizabeth and Will and the faux triangle.

In this one, the padding is Jack and his shit. The tie-in doesn't even make sense. Salazar and the rest are freed because Jack gave the compass away? Makes no sense.

They could have Salazar be trapped by Barbossa while he was captain of the Pearl and eliminate Jack completely. A much better movie.

>>87679545

Guillotine scene was fine but it went on too long.

I didn't care for the opening of 2, either. So much time and expense on something that ultimately was no factor into the plot.

>>87679218
>the bank scene at the start was pointless and the guillotine scene even more so
Which isn't a problem since those were awesome.

>>87677945
It's actually pretty shit.

>Bland leads (le generic white guy & smart gurl oppressed by patriarchy)
>antagonist is just movie 1 but ghosts instead of skeletons
>Depp phoning it in

It's biggest flaw I'd say is that it felt like watching movie one again only with less motivated characters.

>Hurr ur a witch cuz you look at the stars

That got old the first time I heard it.

>>87678428
Keeping inflation in mind, it should have made more than 1 billion. Even last one made more than 1 billion and it came in 2011

>dat aftercredit scene

>>87677945
I would have liked it if Depp wasnt in his JUST phase..

I reckon they wrote Jack to be a legit drunkard now in the storyline because Depp showed up fat and genuinly pissed out of his head..

even the behind the scenes you can see this. hopefully they make another one now that Depp has unJUSTED himself to atleast give Jack a proper send off.

>>87680167
can someone post a WEBM of Depps photoshopped face at the end??

his cheekbones are so badly shopped to appear slimmer and his face softened...

>>87680595
now that the trident is destroyed, they should bring back human pirate Nighy.

>>87681229
I thought davy died after they stabbed the heart

>>87678464
worst opinion

>>87677945
It was okay, much better than 4.

3>1>2>>> 5>>>>>>>>> 4

>Ah a map that can't be read by no man. Luckily I'm a woman!

This is where I dropped it

>>87677945
i want to believe. are you a rusing shill?

>>87677945
that's not gotg vol 2

>>87682377

Wasn't it all bullshit, though, and gender had nothing to do with it?

>>87682444
Volume 2 was even worse than first one.
First half had hardly comic scenes but after that it was boring and fighting was all crap

This was actually pretty good. I enjoyed it almost as much as the first PotC movie. That whole bank heist section was pretty lame though.

>>87683274
Exactly my thoughts, really good movie but that heist was ridiculous.

>>87683922

Felt like everything on San Martin could have been cut in half and it wouldn't have made a difference.

>>87677945

I already forgot I saw this, no matter how shitty 4 was I still remember how shit it was.

>>87678989
>The main problem with 3 is that 75% of it was pure, mindless padding.
So having characters with unique, believable agendas that are separate yet intersect is "padding" now? No wonder you liked the complete turd that was DMTNT.
3>2>1>>>4>>>>>>>>>>>>>5

I wish salazar had more screentime and talked more in spanish

>>87684466
CGI was really good

>>87682317
>>87682317
>>87682317
Tbh as bad as 4 was, at least Jack still had some traces of being a master ruseman (eg tricking Blackbeard at the end). In 5 he was literally a walking quip machine that contributed nothing to the plot. Plus Blackbeard was a better villain than Salazar. And that whole bank heist scene felt like a ripoff of the London escape from the fourth, except the London scene was actually relevant to the plot.
Come to think of it, 5 has the same basic problems that 4 does except 10 times worse.

>>87678278
So were the characters. Working as intended for the undead Spaniards.

>>87678050
they are all shit obviously. they will always be shit. these are not art, they are just to make money off the mindless masses

>>87684321
most of the hate for at world's end comes from the fact most people here saw it when they were 8-12 and like, ugh, why are they just talking and stuff, why are they doing this, mom can we leave yet, etc.

5 attempted to solve a problem that wasn't there (unless they're intentionally targeting 8-12 year olds) by rushing through every plotline and character.

>>87684513
wasn't the heist a knockoff of fast and the furious, except with horses instead of shitty cars?

>>87677945
It was shit and flopped hard though

>>87679218
>barbossa dies was pointless and made no sense.

Objection. His last stand on the anchor was great. He was personally overseeing the rescue mission for his daughter and was protecting her with his life. Salazar could have just ridden the anchor to safety and then discuss terms with the pirates on deck, but he just kept coming closer to Carina and tried to throw her and everyone else off the chain.
Barbossa probably got on the chain knowing that he likely wouldn't make it back to the surface. It's not like he's a good climber with just one leg, and he was last on the anchor. He died protecting the treasure the tatooed bald sea witch promised would be returned to him.

>>87678428
kek 800m is the new 300m
1 billion is the new 400m

>>87678401
The fight on the big wheel in 2 was kino.

>>87680167

She's a horologist m8

>>87681897
Yep, there's no reason he would come back. Least of all in his Squidward form. They had a scene in 3 where he and Calypso sorta made up and plot together (where she temporarily restores his human form) and he falls into the Maelstrom whispering her name. I took it as her taking him back into her embrace.

>>87684750
the negro has a goddamn sword that controls ropes and the best rescue plan he can think of is to jump down?

Or did they come up with some contrived reason for him to lose that?

>>87682992
Yeah. Her being an astronomer and educated enough to read was all it took. The book was written by Galileo Galilei, a man, ffs. It's just that while some pirates can read and most captains can navigate by the stars, these abilities seldom coincide in the PotC universe, so the book passed into legend as The Map No Man Can Read.

Carina getting snarky about it is just her uppity personality. Which makes her very close to her father, who also likes to hide bis compassionate side behind an Angry Dumb Pirate façade. She grew on me after that reveal. Sure, she's bitchy, but that runs in the family as much as mellowing out over time.

>>87684886
will leaving the dutchman is betraying the pact he made with the dutchman and calypso.

also the only reason you get all barnacle'd by captaining the dutchman is when you aren't doing the goddamn job. Which he clearly wasn't. So he was a shitty captain that abandoned his post.

>>87682317
1 is miles better than any of the others

>>87685066
1 is the most novel but the climax is pretty lame and nonsensical.

>>87685010
>>87680167
Speaking of Horologist's character as a whole, how did anyone think giving half the original cast kids who are basically uninspired cardboard cutouts was a good idea? When has that ever worked in the history of movie franchises?

>>87682377
I personally dropped it after that scene where a pirate throws himself at the executioner and he doesn't move but the WOMAN pushes him with one fucking leg and he falls down.
What the fuck?

>>87685126
they obviously were working backwards from the gallows scene. Read: young hot girl in a low cut dress with a noose around her neck.

>>87684939
See. There's the only flaw in the scene. I actually thought he could have used the sword to stabilise the anchor from above, but he went down without it. Or any of his signature pirate regalia, really. No hat, no coat. Those would have hindered his climbing further, sure. But them being left behind on the Pearl has the added bonus of allowing Carina to inherit all three.

Think about it.
Carina Barbossa.
In that hat. That coat. With that sword.
It'll be the tits. Pun very intended.

>>87685147
Also, I forgot to mention.
Are empowered women becoming the new quips of hollywood?

>>87685147
its the difference between running directly at a linebacker and flanking said linebacker.

>>87677945
>dragged a whole bank including a thousands tons vault with 8 horses. 8 fucking horses
immersion ruined

>>87685155
>Think about it.

This term has never followed or preceded anything that wasn't either totally moronic or obvious.

women pirates suck, but I guess rush was tired of that shit.

>>87685155
>the only flaw
>hey i have a magic tool that can solve this in any number of different ways
>wop lemme just forget about it completely!

its a pretty big one, yo

>>87685212
fast and furious?

>>87685294
Just one of the shitty cars boasts hundreds of horsepower. The problem is they can't weigh enough to do anything but burn rubber.

You know how much horsepower one horse has?

>>87685147
It's Scrum fighting the executioner. The only remnant character from 4. The designated chew toy. He had to bleed for the damage that movie did to the franchise - I loved it. Also, the executioner no-sold his flying kick because he saw it coming. Carina, on the other hand, is constantly underestimated and misblamed by her surroundings. That has made her into an attention horologist. The executioner just never factored her into the brawl at hand. Thus, she was able to trip him.

>>87685287
It is, but he's also in an emotional state about his daughter. Him forgetting it is understandable. Plus, this selfless sacrifice likely scored him a whopping number of bonus points for the very real afterlife, which he knows exists, too. After being a blackhearted swashbuckler for most of his life, it was actually the best course of action he could have taken.

>>87685343
they did screw up the choreography though. Absorbing a frontal blow just requires leaning forward a few degrees. Compensating for a side attack requires shifting the opposite foot. But he was too far from the edge for the opposite foot to have slipped off, so it looks like he just jumps over after her skirts flash out.

>>87685343
Why did Karina the stronk wimmin character have no interesting character traits besides being a stronk wimmin and conveniently being related to Barbossa?

How the fuck is Poseidon real nigga

>>87685458
probably the same reason will's son didn't have any interesting character traits beyond being determined son and conveniently related to will to get him involved.

But we only complain about flat characters when they're female round heah

>>87685504
Calm your tits, I have the same problem with Will's son. (I'm >>87685126)

>>87685504
she had nice tits, so not flat.

Now were she rocking the DFC (like kiera knightly) no one would've complained.

>>87685458
>"stronk wimmin"
>You guyz r stoopid 2 belief in Zombie ghoast
>runs away screaming like a little girl and immediately stumbles into a trap
>too proud to admit when she's wrong

It's all a facade, anon. She was only pretending to be stronk. On the other hand, she knows HER stuff. And she's got these well-penned in tracts of land. And she comes round to the guys she underestimated.

>>87678050
>all I watch are blockbusters
well that's your own fault. It's nowhere near the best of the year

Spider-man and WW are also both better than Pirates 5

>>87685491
He doesn't have to be real. That coral thing infused with pirate magic is just called Poseidon's trident in the vernacular, there's no indication that he exists. Especially after introducing Calypso as the sea goddess.

>>87685287

Once the trident was broken, it was no longer cursed/magic.

>>87685712
it wasn't cursed?

>>87685712
Good point.

The series would do better without any Turner and Swann bullshit

>>87685770

All the power of the seas would include it. Besides, the sword is useless away from the Queen Anne, remember.

Not that it's consistent. As others have said, no reason for Jones to still be a squid or the compass still working.

>>87685825
It's patently clear that's false

>>87685883

It depends how they do it. Swann/Turner was shit in 3 but it worked in this one.

Corrina and Henry's characters were fine in this even if their motivations are kind of a retread for 1 and 2.

Jack and the old crew are the dead weight here.

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>>87685429
>executioner jumps to safety after a pungent smell of fish and salt wafts from Carina's dress' sweaty nether regions

Stop anon you're giving me an erection.

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>>87685050
>>87684886
>>87681897
>>87681229
>>87680595
>someone actually follows the incoherrent plot of these movies

>>87685959
>Swann/Turner was shit in 3 but it worked in this one.
>one scene in the epilogue that had nothing to do with the rest of the film and was tacked on for the sake of fanbait
>worked in this one
>>87686074
Nothing was "incoherent" about the series up until the most recent film took a dump on every piece of established canon though. Did you watch the films?

>>87685050
Well, he wasn't doing his job properly, was he? As evidenced by the crew of 30-odd undead Spaniards being unwillingly kept from the afterlife. Not that Will could do anything about it, but apparently the curse only checks for >Souls_left_on_Earth_unferried = 0
>If value = >0 then barnacle_mode = 1
Since Davy wilfully kicked back on the job to spite wifey decades before Jack was born, he never noticed the imbalance of souls caused by Salazar.

>>87686187
Yes I did and I kept dozing off or just looking away from the screen because it was horrible

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>>87686341
>it's incoherent because I wasn't paying attention

>>87686381
its pure shit though
its literally a marvel flick in disquise. only a braindead normie can take all that shit plot in

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>>87686559
Brilliantly argued, my good sir. The fact you can't follow it surely must mean that people who can and can find solutions for apparent plot holes are the ones who are braindead.

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ops just woke up and found this pirates thread, so as usual
>YAGSPARLO!

>>87686857
>YAKSPAHROO

>>87686823
t. reddit

>>87677945
It was 1/10 shit
Nothing no element was good

The effects were really good and there were some creative setpieces. I'd have liked Bardem's villain if you could ever tell what the fuck he was saying. Definitely better than the previous one but probably wasn't worth making. Don't think it deserved quite the amount of flak it got though

>>87687107
i didn't like movie either, but for badass Salazar (he was more intimidating at begining, before becoming ghost) and his ghost ship later (great design, just sailing wreck, even with destroyed hull) were 2 elements i really liked. 3/10 for me

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>>87687046
>encouraged to argue their point better than "it's shit because I couldn't pay attention"
>responds with one-and-half-word reductio ad redditum

You're wrong by the way.

>>87677945
>Jyaag Asbarrowbarro !!

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>>87687233
um sweetie reddit is that way

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fucking hell

>>87677945
Fucks up its own canon.
Tia Dalma says she gave Jack Sparrow his compass. In this it's his old Captain.

Then fucks up its own rules and logic.
First the series says that the Flying Dutchman is a necessary evil and has to have a captain.
Then they say destroying Poseidon's trident breaks all the curses of the ocean. So it sets Will free and yadda yadda.

All curses broken? Nope Davey Jones is back and still Captain Cthulhu.

Jack Sparrow should have been relegated to a cameo.

This movie was hot garbage

>>87687416

They couldn't find someone who looks like Depp? That CGI was terrible, especially when talking.

Was it just me or did they ramp up the pirate slang to a cringey degree?

Also Jack had absolutely no good moments. I can see that they wanted him to hit rock bottom in order to "bring him back" at the end but it all this did was making him a bad character for the majority of the movie.