Why didn't anyone commit crimes at Hogwarts with all those

>>86644926
because their society works on mutual trust

>>86644926
because their entire existance was at the pleasure of an overbearing 40+ year old spinster

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The question you should be asking is why didn't anyone complain about Harry Potter being one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously, each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King, pedophile.

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>>86645089
/thread fpbp

Everything else is reddit

>>86644926
Well they obviously did, but they're not going to show teenagers getting up to stuff like that. If Hogwarts were real there'd be a gang rape a day. It's actually interesting how much of the magic we're shown can be used to commit the perfect crime. Smuggle some girl a love potion, fuck her, Obliviate her so she doesn't have any memory of it. Not to mention the fun you could have in your dorm with some polyjuice potion and a hair you stole from a Ravenclaw girl in class that afternoon.

how come noone used a spell to lift hermoine's skirt up when she was around

>>86646175
wingardium leviosa!
bbitch hermione reports you to mcgonnagal and youre expelled

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>>86646175
Or cast upon her the forbidden spell Nymphototem Cunniflame, which induces a state of intense sexual arousal and desperate need for cock.

>>86645735
Well to be fair there's a lot of elements of Christianity in the story, but then a lot of stories copy elements from the story of Jesus.

Harry (Jesus) has to go through a quest guided and prepared for by Dumbledore (God), concluding in his eventual death to save the Wizarding Community (rid people of their sins).

>>86646281
What even happens when you're expelled from Hogwarts? Are you just fucked and unable to get an education and a job for the rest of your life? Getting expelled from the school is basically the same as getting expelled from the wizard world and forced to live life like a muggle

>>86646745
I mean, Hagrid got expelled as a kid, and now he's a teacher/groundskeeper at the very school that expelled him.

>>86646965
He's a rare exception I'd say because Dumbledore stepped in and kept him on as gamekeeper. No idea if he was an assistant to the then current gamekeeper or if he just lived off ministry benefits until Dumbledore hired him.

Anyway it just seems cruel to expel a student indefinitely. Unless you've already finished your 5th year you've got no qualifications and no chance of ever getting them. At least suspend them for an amount of time appropriate to their crime and then let them back in like most normal schools do. Expulsion should only really be used if a student really fucks up, like murder or exposing muggles to the secret wizarding community, but I think you'd go to Azkaban for doing that anyway.

>>86646745
They probably wipe your memory and force you to live as the Dursleys

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>>86646516
Stop being lewd about hermione

>>86646516
>>86648005
No, be more lewd about Hermione! I want lewd Hermione scenarios using in-universe magic.

>>86644926
veritaserum

>>86644926
because they're not niggers

>>86648321
Didn't Snape say that was illegal or at least very heavily restricted by the Ministry of Magic? It's something you use to get a confession out of a dangerous criminal not a student who's been fucking around with potions. Besides, if you're not a complete idiot you'd make sure you know that memory wiping spell before you start messing about with people. So you can get rid of any evidence.

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>>86644926

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>>86648419

>>86645625

the fuck is wrong with that list

ayn rand god tier and tolkien shit tier? what 17 year old ancap autist made this?

>>86648553
Why didn't they use veritaserum on Sirius Black?Seems only fair to try since I imagine he denied his crimes

>>86645625
Based "No!" poster
Formerly sneed's

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>>86645625

You should stop posting the dullest copypasta in the history of copypastas. Seriously each thread about the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains is now indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy rhetoric, the pasta�s only consistency has been its lack of humor and ineffective use of repetition, all to make trolling unfunny, to make shitposting seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when anons vetoed the idea of using a different image each time: they made sure the pasta would never be remixed or worked upon? just ridiculously profitable cross-thread pandering for (You)s. The Harry Potter copypasta might be anti-kino (or not), but it�s certainly the anti-Banepost in its refusal of innovation, applicability and funniness. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>b-but it's board culture though

"No!"

The writing is dreadful; the pasta is terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time it is posted, the anon merely changes the first sentence. I began marking on the back of an envelope every time this was the only attempt made to contextualize it to the topic of the thread. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. /tv/'s mind is so governed by cliches and stale memes that it has no other style of shitposting. Later I read a lavish, loving review of the Harry Potter copypasta by a Redditor. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these anons are shitposting about Harry Potter on /tv/, then when they get older they will go on to make memes on Reddit. And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you use the "Harry Potter" copypasta you are, in fact, being trained to make Reddit memes.

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>>86648570
>That flat chest
HNNNNNNGGGG-

>>86648553
Legilimens

>>86648988
>''Chicken soup for the soul''

That explains what she was brewing in that cauldron

>>86644926
Because they weren't niggers.

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>>86648148
> Hermione becomes a dripping wet slut mess due to Nymphototem Cunniflame, constantly masturbating herself and struggling to fight her lewd urges, fucking herself with her broom.

> Luna "accidentally" turns Hermione into a lesbian sex slave while trying to reverse Nymphototem Cunniflame, using the obscure Sapphic Sonnet spell.

> Luna decides to use Hermione as her pussy slave.

>>86646745
There are other wizard schools

>>86649418
But then they'd have to study French or Russian first

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>>86649385
> A Slytherin witch puts magical oil on her hand and smothers Hermione's face with it, it causes her to piss herself constantly.

>>86649029
Ah I'd forgotten about that. You'd have to be very careful not to arouse any kind of suspicion on yourself if you wanna do any polyjuice shenanigans. I imagine all teachers are trained Legilimens and Snape especially is a master at it.
Come to think of it, why did Snape threaten Harry with Veritaserum when he accused him of stealing polyjuice ingredients? Could've easily just read his mind.

>>86649540
Poor Emma, JLaw is ugly as fuck

>>86649418
>>86649497
Even if you account for the American school if you want to learn in English it's still quite a feat to move countries and apply at another school, and why would they even take you if you got expelled from your last school? Only Durmstrang would do it but only if you were expelled for using Dark Arts

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>>86649540
> Use Alarte Ascendare and Wingardium Leviosa to lift, then suspend and rotate Hermione upside down, exposing her panties, and cast a Babbling Curse to shut her up as you examine her as she dangles helplessly in mid-April.

I don't know, if I went to the Hogwarts with Hermione I'd definitely commit a crime.

>>86649844
* Mid air.

>>86648751
>Why didn't they use veritaserum on Sirius Black?
Because Veritaserum wasn't invented by Rowling until the 4th book.

>>86649624
>why did Snape threaten Harry with Veritaserum when he accused him of stealing polyjuice ingredients? Could've easily just read his mind.
Because Legilimency wasn't invented by Rowling until the 5th book.

Face it, she made it up as she went along.

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>>86649882

>>86649844
Would've been the perfect punishment after the "LEVIOOOOSA, not LESVIOSAR!" bit. Ron, sick of her shit decides to practice those spells with Harry and they both lure her to a remote area of the grounds and do some panty-watching.

>>86649943
this 100%

>>86644926
They're busy having masturbating sessions at Hufflepuff. It's canon

>>86650239
Hufflepuff seems like the best house. Chilled-out vibe, parties in the basement all night, kitchen full of food and drink next door. Plus they're sort of the outcasts of the school, so they probably have a great sense of camaraderie. And probably lots of organised orgies and masturbation sessions, yeah.

>>86650196
Post the nsfw non photoshopped version pls

>>86649943
>>86650219
I don't think anyone here's buying Rowling's story that she had everything planned out. There are so many examples of spells, potions, magical devices, powers and plot devices introduced in later books that would've solved everything if they existed in earlier books.

>>86648894
You should stop posting the second dullest copypasta in the history of copypastas. Seriously each thread about the copypasta and his autistic spammers as they copy and paste is now indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the inconsistent images, the only certainty has been the lateness at which the pasta is posted.

Perhaps the die was cast when the one (1) anon that posts this deemed to use a different and unrelated image each time: making sure the pasta was only recognizable by the samefagging replies. Just ridiculous what a samefag you are, as if those (You)s have any merit. The Harry Potter copypasta reply copypasta might be anti-pasta (it surely is), but it is certainly anti-anti-Sneedpost in its refusal of humor, wit, and will to keep spamming the same unfunny shit all the time. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>b-but its better than Harry Potter copypasta

"Brap!"

The writing is Reddit, the pasta is cancer. As I read, I notice that every time it is posted, the image changes. I began to save the images to a folder I titles "Reddit Cancer." I stopped only when I had to delete the folder to make space for more tranny porn. I was horny. When you use the "Harry Potter copypasta copypasta" you are in fact being trained to make 9gag memes.

>>86651133
The "Brap!" should stay.

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>>86648148
>>86649385
Stop being lewd about Hermione

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You know Snape has a point

>>86649943
>>86650219
>>86651026
Its a wizard dystopia that parallels the brits crippling shitfest you fucks

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>>86651480
>Its a wizard dystopia that parallels the brits crippling shitfest you fucks

>>86651551
he didn't say anything particularly difficult to understand, anon

>>86651397
All of the three tournaments had no purpose whatsoever for audience members. Harry wasn't even present in the arena during the first tournament and the only reason there was an audience so Hermione could shriek as she saw Harry return on his flaming broomstick. The second tournament was all about Fleur acting all concerned about her sister and Ron attempting to speak French. The third tournament's audience was just there to cry about Cedric Diggory.

>>86651026
>Rowling's story that she had everything planned out
Snape's first sentence in the first book is a mention of plants which in Victorian flower language refer to lilies and regret. I'm certain that was a coincidence.

>>86651601
I don't understand how 90% of what peoole talk about is why didn't this go perfectly howdy doodie in harry potter, like it would in a perfect place and not an insane wizard land.

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>>86651601
>he

>>86651631
>everything

>>86651604
Determining wizard skill shouldn't depend on people watching. That's why shit ass sports exist. And then you have to admit quidditch would actually be fun to watch.

I see nothing wrong with a magical maze a dragon and egg and going underwater for wizard tournament

>>86651869
>frogposting
you must be 18+ to post on 4chan

>>86651889
>you have to admit quidditch would actually be fun to watch
A game in which each team has one player who can functionally render the rest of the team irrelevant

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>>86644926
didn't a bunch of people get murdered? that's a crime.

>>86652033
>ginny didn't
>that's an even bigger crime

>>86651604
Harry flying away with the dragon in the First Task is a film thing though. In the book they stay in the arena. But that's the only task that was of any interest to the audience members. The Second Task was just an hour of waiting by the lake with nothing to watch. Same with the Third Task, just people staring at a maze, maybe hearing the odd sound of a spell every fifteen minutes.

>>86651631
Snape's backstory was definitely one thing she planned from the start. And I'm sure she knew the ending as well. But everything in between was obviously not planned out from the start, as can be seen from the multitude of plotholes. It's the fact that Rowling keeps claiming she knew and planned everything before she wrote the first book that's so annoying, because it's obviously not true and any evidence is swiftly denied by her.
It's not something to be ashamed of, all writers would tell you that things change in the writing process. It's her stubbornness to stick with that statement that's the problem.

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>>86652168
>It's her stubbornness to stick with that statement that's the problem.
Fair enough.

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>>86652096
;_; whylive.jpg

>>86648751
For the same reason lie detector tests aren't admissible evidence in court. You can't assume there isn't a way around it. A criminal could make himself immune to the potion through a spell for instance.

>>86649624
Because Snape liked bullying Potter even when he knew he was in the wrong.

>>86651889
There was nothing wrong with the tasks. It just made zero sense to have the entire school forced to watch them when there was nothing to see.

>>86652301
It was educational to see people die.

>>86652226
>Implying Ginny and Hermione's boobs are exactly the same size

>>86652366
I have no counter-argument

>>86652249
that ass looks like it sounds like 'breeep..' instead of 'BRAAAAPPP'

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>>86652402

>>86652511
The heir to Playboy is engaged to that assless thing

>>86652301
>>86652356
It's weird. On one hand it was illogical to have the students watch, but it would've been even weirder if they just went on with their lessons while the champions did their thing on their own with just the judges there. I just think a little more thought should've gone into the tasks, something as simple as a magical monitor would've solved it, some sort of magical way for the students to watch the champions while they were underwater or in the maze

>>86649497

There are other wizard schools in England. Just not as old or prestigious

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>>86650181
> Hermione suspended upside down in the air using Leviosa.
> Babbling Curse.
> Ron and Harry pull her panties and rub them.
> She squirms helplessly and protests but just babbles.
> Ron teases her crotch with his fingers and smirks.
> Harry squeezes her sweet ass cheeks.

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>>86652574
different HP girl
her PB shoot was the best they've done in years

>>86652168
>it's obviously not true and any evidence is swiftly denied by her.
If you think that's bad, look into the history of the Star Wars franchise.

>>86649943

Actually because Veritserum usage is controlled by the Ministry, probably for privacy reasons.

Rowling implies early on that Snape can read minds. There's a lot of things like that where she gives full explanations later to things introduced or implied in earlier books. She absolutely planned things out.

I mean Sirius Black was mentioned in book one.

>>86652659
>There are other wizard schools in England
Are there? That's never mentioned in the books. Is it part of this new lore Rowling came up with like the American school?

It is mentioned that some wizard families prefer to homeschool their children though and that the Ministry is fine with it. But a muggleborn would need to go to Hogwarts in order to learn anything.

>>86652833
>Actually because Veritserum usage is controlled by the Ministry, probably for privacy reasons.
But isn't Sirius Black, suspected of killing 13 people but resolutely denying it the EXACT sort of thing the Ministry would use Veritaserum for? If they don't use to to learn the truth behind severe crimes, when DO they use it?

I agree with the Snape stuff though. There are many moments from the start where he gazes at Harry intently and seems to know what's going on. And there are numerous examples of names cropping up in earlier books before the characters are properly introduced. The Lovegoods are mentioned in the fourth book and are implied to live near the Weasleys.

>>86652903

The Kwikspell Course exists in the books, and presumably they'd be accredited and able to qualify wizards. Logically, they wouldn't be the only one, and I doubt they'd cater just to desperate Squibs. she has stated that other English schools exist as part of the new lore.

>>86653229

Ah I didn't actually read the question.

Book 4 kind of answers the question though. They don't try Sirius. Crouch just throws him into Azkaban. Sirius maintains his innocence, but no one cares because of how they found him, laughing at the crime scene like a lunatic. And even Dumbledore thought he was guilty.

I wonder if it has limits as well depending on what the individual believes to be the truth

>>86653229
>But isn't Sirius Black, suspected of killing 13 people but resolutely denying it the EXACT sort of thing the Ministry would use Veritaserum for?

The Ministry as led by Cornelius "Preemptive Dementor's Kisses for Everybody" Fudge?
Who relieved Barty Crouch Jr. of his soul before he could confirm Harry's story of Voldemort's return?
Who then staged a kangaroo court hearing against Potter and was hellbent on having him at the very least expelled with his wand snapped for defending himself against roaming Dementors?
Fudge, who only backed Harry as long as he thought he could serve his campaign and immediately threw him under the Knight Bus when Harry's evidence of Voldemort's return made him look bad?
Fudge is no man of half-measures when it comes to jurisdiction, and Sirius had no leg to stand on without Peter Pettigrew.

>>86653323
>she has stated that other English schools exist as part of the new lore.
Oh, didn't know that. I'll have to read up on that.

As for Kwikspell, that just reeked of trying to lure in Squibs, and it could very well be the only one. There's only one newspaper for wizards don't forget. There's magazines like the Quibbler, but no real news source apart from the Daily Prophet.

>>86653652
>Fudge
The average person believes this is a word originally coined to name a foodstuff.

It's actually a mild expletive; someone attempting to make chocolate who misunderstood how to add sugar to it, watching the whole thing crystallize into something thicker that wouldn't melt properly uttered "oh fudge" and comically the name stuck.

I wonder if Rowling knew.

>>86653556
Ah, I forgot this was during Crouch's regime. No trials, kill on sight etc. Sirius didn't stand a chance at getting a fair trial. I always liked this idea of Crouch being almost as bad as Voldemort in his fierceness to cleanse the world of Death Eaters.

>>86653652
Fudge wasn't Minister for Magic during the Sirius case. But you're right about his character, though that side of him only really appeared after Voldemort returned and he couldn't handle the reality of the situation and decided Dumbledore was after his job for some reason. Before all that he was a sympathetic character mostly, and seemingly quite fond of Harry.

>>86652686
i'd have had such a great time at hogwarts

What kind of career would you pursue after leaving Hogwarts?

Doesn't seem much choice other then ministry work, hospital work, or journalism.

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>>86645625
>>86648894
>>86651133

>>86652226
I need more of this.


for science

>>86648594
He's the darkest omen in our world.

>>86655275
Probably a teacher because I'd get to live at Hogwarts and it sounds more interesting than working for the government

>>86655632
I'd just go back into the muggle world and use my knowledge of magic to get rich.

Actually how the fuck are there any poor wizards? I know at Gringotts you can convert muggle money to wizard money, so what's to stop a wizard from just using magic to easily make some cash and just exchange it.

>>86655275

Personally I would fuck off from the magic world, and just use magic to make myself a bank account with a few billion dollars. I would then employ house elves to do everything while I used spells to have drugs and hookers appear at my feet. Maybe even wipe all the minds of a small country's government and become ruler.

>>86655732
Living a normal life amongst muggles while still being able to use magic sounds cosy enough. I don't think you're forced to do a wizard job or anything, so you could just be a farmer or something and use magic to improve or accelerate your produce and make a living off of that and spend your free time doing whatever you want

>>86653229
This is something that always bugged me about magic. There are spells that work. But then there are ways around them, so they don't work. Then there are ways around that. So, the original spell is basically useless in favor of the more-powerful spell.
Take "Alohamora." Now, this spell is supposed to unlock doors. And they teach it to 11 year olds, so literally everyone at Hogwarts can use it. But then it's shown that there are spells that Alohamora can't unlock. This makes Alohamora basically useless. If you really want something locked, use the GOOD magic. Otherwise, what's the point of even locking it? In the Fantastic Beasts movie, Alohamora doesn't work, but a no-maj literally uses physical force to kick open a magically locked door.
It's the same with dueling magic. Why bother having dueling spells like "Rictusempra" that put your opponent into fits of laughter. That would be like teaching a boxer to tickle his opponent.
Veritaserum and other potions are bad too. If Veritaserum always works, why not use it right away to ascertain guilt or innocence. But you can modify memories, making Veritaserum basically useless for getting the truth out of someone. So, it's useless magic.
One last question. If two people drank Felix Felicis, and flipped a coin, what would happen?

>>86655732
>so what's to stop a wizard from just using magic to easily make some cash and just exchange it.

JK Rowling's poorly thought out wizard world that she had to keep G-rated. You would think with the amount of muggle born wizards they wouldn't be retarded with technology.

Just use magic to take all the cash from people's wallets and then take it to gringotts

>>86654265
Okay, let's say "Fudge" = "Shit." So, "Cornelius Fudge" = "Corny Shit."

>>86655275
>>86655632
I'd start an actual Math and English program at Hogwarts, along with some muggle science. This is all shit EVERYONE needs to learn. You don't want a wizard mixing bleach and ammonia to get things REALLY clean.

>>86648594
IT WAS ALL A DREAM

I USED TO READ THE QUIBBLER MAGAZINE

>>86656158
She did say that magic screws with technology. So, wizards literally COULDN'T use a computer.

When you think about it in terms of Rowling's Wizarding World, the story of Santa Claus makes a shitload of sense, and is a little dark.
Santa Claus is a wizard who uses the Philosopher's Stone to make him live forever and give him gold to exchange for toy materials. He has a staff of house elves working for him, and he uses a Time Turner to deliver all the presents in one night. Memory charms and an invisibility cloak keep him safe from nosey people.

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>>86656370
Underrated post.

>>86655913
>I would then employ house elves to do everything
I've often wondered about how house elves work. Apparently they're really expensive because Ron was moaning about how his family couldn't afford one. But there are hundreds of house elves at Hogwarts and they don't even get paid, they even see it as an insult to get offered money. And then there's the tradition of house elves serving a family for many generations (Winky, Kreacher). So who do you pay? Is there some kinda wizard mafia dealing in these slave creatures? How fucking expensive must it be to buy an elf who will work for free its entire life and even leave offspring to take over the job for no money as well

>>86644926
because it's made-up bullshit

>>86656318
They have Muggle Studies which I believe covers a lot of stuff like Muggle history, behaviour and customs (though Muggle dress sense is skipped). English grammar or literature isn't that important for a wizard I think, but I'll give you maths. As for science, I wouldn't worry about wizards mixing weird shit together because they get plenty of experience and knowledge from Potion classes.

>>86656158
>>86656380
Muggle technology doesn't work at all in Hogwarts because the high density of magic there fucks with it

Dunno how far that goes though, but you can assume that a wizard family couldn't have a working phone, but I suppose you could still go out and leviosa some cash from the local shop till

>>86657047
>>86657047
But the MS course is taught by a witch (at least, until Nagini ate her.) So, wouldn't they really benefit by having a muggle in the position? Someone like Hermione's parents would have a lot more insight into the Muggle world than a witch does. And don't give me "they have to be magic." Well, that's wicked racist. But also, why? They're muggle family members of wizards, so they know about wizards. Is there anything a Muggle Studies teacher would NEED magic for? Field trips, maybe, but then find some wizard to help chaperone.

>>86645625
>he posted it again

>>86657047
>English grammar or literature isn't that important for a wizard

It's funny that they never learn how to properly write, considering like all of their classes have them write giant ass essays.
These kids are 11 when they go to Hogwarts. My grammar was pretty shit at 11.

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Why did she always know everything? With her parents being dentists and all...

>>86657462
>And don't give me "they have to be magic." Well, that's wicked racist. But also, why? They're muggle family members of wizards, so they know about wizards
I was gonna argue, but that's a good point actually. Muggleborn's parents would know of the wizard community as soon as their child receives the letter. No laws are broken there, so they could easily come in and teach wizards about muggles.
I think it's implied that the witch who taught Muggle Studies was a bit of a freak like Mr. Weasley though and was way into muggle stuff, plus she could've been mixed race and I suppose a teacher with both knowledge of the wizarding world and the muggle world would be a better candidate than a random muggle with no magic knowledge who happened to produce a magic child.

>>86656621
House elves are proud as fuck, they only work with a prestigious family and Weasleys are not

>>86645625
Based potter poster

Why does he do it lads

>>86648594
>Ginny Potter had sex with this

>>86658235
She didn't know anything until her letter came but right after that she must've gone mental with reading everything about magic. It does fit her character. In those short few months she probably got every book of interest she could find in Diagon Alley and made sure she was thoroughly prepared

>>86652096
the movies ruined ginny

>>86644926
Because they're kids with inferior magic abilities. I think the teachers are fairly reliable at keeping order. Fred and George are probably as bad as it gets.

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>>86658365
Wrong black dude, anon. This is the mean, lean, Dean machine Ginny got a taste of

>>86652730
>list doesn't even contain all the good ones

>>86656370
Best post itt

>>86658525
He was recast?

>>86658614
Nope, three identifiable black people in Hogwarts: Lee Jordan, Dean Thomas and the Black Omen dude

>>86658552
Which are?

>>86658729
you may not like him, minister
but you gotta admit
dumbledores gots style

What's with the influx of HP threads recently?

>>86658833
Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt wasn't a Hogwarts student, he looked like African royalty though.
Also, love how it's the same guy who beat the shit out of a guy with a filled teapot in Layer Cake

>>86659027
Is that one of the pictures that got leaked without Emma's permission?

>>86659193
who knows, with these whores

>>86645625
>Falling for le Atlas shrugged meme
>claims he knows anything about /lit/

Hola mi amigo de verano.

>>86659027
My dick! Is Emma Watson the undisputed most-adored actress across /tv/? I've never seen a bad word said against her in terms of sexual attractiveness. Probably because the majority of anons grew up watching her...grow up over the years

>>86659813
Lots of people hate her though, but she'll always have a special place in my heart

>>86644926
post the real pic

>>86650196
fuck yes time to unzip

>>86659813
>>86660030
With the films spanning from 2001 to 2011 it's safe to say that those who watched them when they came out are now aged between 25-35, either a child or a teenager when they watched the first one. There's always people who hate certain actresses but I think the people who were on the HP ride as it happened will always have a special place in their hearts for Emma. Whatever she did afterwards doesn't even come into it I think, it's just a special kind of love for an actress you grew up with over the years as you enjoyed the films. Possibly many anon's first celebrity fap.

>>86652730
>>86659027
>He doesn't find the best Fanfics by using optimal search options
"Language:English, Rating: R, Character1: Hermione, Terms: Femslash, Young, "1st" OR "2nd" OR "3rd"+"year" -draco -harry -snape"

Also, used to know a girl who would act out HP smut fics wither her BF to get off, It was the only way she
She was actually a plain jain innocent looking qutie

>>86655732
Wizards wealth is measured in gold. Gold cannot be replicated or conjured, not even by magic. That's one of the greatest uses of the philosopher stone: it turns any metal into gold.
You suppose that the trade of muggle money and wizard money is made in a monetary system based on gold. In past times, countries needed to stock gold in order to have a corresponding amount of physical wealth that then could be translated into paper currency. Every dollar in your pocket correspond (ideally) to a certain amount of gold locked in some federal bank. In my language that's called ballast. That's why money has value and it's not just a piece of paper. Every country that tried to print more currency without any real value saw its economy collapse through inflation. Nowadays, though, gold is no longer the standard ballast, it's dollars, and I have no idea what backs up the value of dollars in the modern financial world.
So you should expect that gringots to be very strict with trading muggle money. They probably only accept it from muggle born parents who are trying to finance their kids education, and they check the authenticity of the money, probably there are magical ways of doing that.
Apart from that, wizards wealth come in gold and silver and gems. That's why there are poor wizards.
> You could get gold in the muggle world by magical illegal means
Yes. And if the lore were more developed, we probably would see that this is a huge problem that the ministry has to fight constantly to prevent the collapse of the economies: wizards doing illegal shit with the muggles

>>86656138
>two people drank Felix Felicis, and flipped a coin, what would happen?
That's not how felix works. It doesn't really change the circumstances of reality. It merely leads you through a path of lucky choices. Felix power wouldn't influence the flip of the coin nor it's movement. It would make you instinctively know which side was going to turn up. So to answer your question, if you flipped a coin at two people under the effect of felix, both of them would want to choose the winning side.

>>86661003
>it's dollars, and I have no idea what backs up the value of dollars in the modern financial world.
military might and simple belief

>>86646647
>Harry (Jesus) has to go through a quest guided and prepared for by Dumbledore (God), concluding in his eventual death to save the Wizarding Community (rid people of their sins).
That's a pretty shitty comparison, as it's way to fucking broad. It's not like God dies in the Bible.
Similarities to Jesus: They both died and came back to life. That's it.

>>86659767
>>86648660
>complaining about Tolkien and Ayn Rand for the umpteenth time
Is it board culture now to respond with these exact complaints? This pasta has been posted for well over a year. Are there people who have actually not seen it?

>>86661003
The Ministry has entire departments dedicated to stopping wizards fucking around with muggle stuff and wiping their memories of it afterwards. It's mostly practical jokes that could potentially break the Statute of Secrecy, but we never really get a glimpse of wizards trying to get money from muggles and turning it into wizard currency. Probably because it's just too difficult to go into the economic specifics of it all, and because they're trying to show wizard-muggle interactions as something lighthearted.

>>86657462
>>86658241
It's a bit like having a 20 year old dude teaching us about Rome. You can learn enough from texts and books people wrote to get a good enough idea of what it was like to pass on to the kids.

>>86646745
You need study qualification to live in the wizarding world and to be allowed the right to a wand. Ministry and Hogwarts are aligned. If you are expelled, theoretically you will have your wand snapped, and a wizard without a wand...
You could manage to get into the wizarding world anyways, and acquire a new wand, but as an illegal, on the low. Just like immigrants.
Hagrid lost his wand after his expelling. He never had one again, only that umbrella that was like a brute force wand, but failed at sophisticated spells. Now remember that Hagrid was under Dumbledore's wings. The teacher asked the director Dippet to allow hagrid to stay in the school, being trained as a... I don't know the word in English, whatever his job at Hogwarts is called, hunt keeper is how we call it here. And key keeper as well.
You see hagrid wasn't "blamed" for the chamber of secrets first opening. The ministry, as usual, needed to show service, needed to appear to be doing their job. The spider was blamed for Killing the girl, but hagrid wasn't really found guilty of anything other than keeping monsters inside the school. The message about the chamber being opened were taken as a prank, and since Tom ceased the show in fear of the school being closed, no more attacks happened and everyone turned the page. Everyone except for Dumbledore.

>>86661223
It is very broad, but it's still there. It's not meant to be a complete retelling. The story of Jesus and the archetypes within are very common in literature.
The protagonist is usually a young male who is either an orphan, or grew up with people who weren't his actual parents. There's often a wise old figure who guides him and knows all. It often ends in the death of the protagonist, either literally/figuratively/spiritually/mentally after they've fulfilled their task.

A lot of these elements are interchangeable obviously, but the core is present in many coming-of-age stories and modern literature. Lord of the Rings does the same, as does Star Wars. It's just a popular story archetype that keeps being reused and reinvented over centuries.

>>86661757
Okay, but what Harry specifically dying and coming back to life specifically, (as well as defeating evil the process), is much more specific to Jesus than what you said, and Harry getting a quest and Dumbledore representing God is silly.

>>86661885
Like I said, it's not a complete retelling. Harry is like Jesus in that he was raised by people who weren't his actual parents. He dies to save his friends, but comes back to life.
The Dumbledore/God thing doesn't work perfectly but there are similarities. Dumbledore did basically control Harry's life from behind the scenes because he had a purpose for him, much like God had a purpose for Jesus. When Jesus was in doubt, he asked God for advice and got it, much like Harry and Dumbledore's teacher and student relationship.
The quest God gave Jesus was to spread his word and eventually die for the greater good. Harry had to destroy the horcruxes and finally "die" for the greater good.

Again, I'm not trying to get all religious in here, and I'm not saying Rowling ripped off the Bible, I'm saying that these subtle elements can be found in many stories.

>>86662283
And I'm saying the idea of getting a quest from someone is far, far, far broader than somebody dying and rising from the dead to save the day. I can't even remember if there was any significance to Harry dying like he did, unlike Jesus, and I think it was more like a "get out of jail free" card.

>>86652730
>>86660897
I've never tried fanfiction because I'm convinced there's so much shit there written either by teens or lonely fat birds with terrible ideas and prose that it's hard to find those one or two good entries that must exist. How do I trust this pastebin guide anyway, is there actual good stuff there? How about lewd stuff because I imagine it's full of Draco-Hermione crap or Harry-(any father figure) stuff

>>86659093
He was also the Pirate Captain Katenga in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

>>86661498
But this isn't something that happened 2000 years ago in another country, where all we have to go on is the old texts. This is life happening now, likely with your neighbors. You should realize that you don't bring up Quidditch in casual conversation. Just like wizards don't know anything about say, soccer.

>>86662524
Harry going into the Forbidden Forest in order to die was so he could save his friends/Hogwarts. Voldemort had called a momentary truce and demanded that Harry deliver himself to him or he would start killing more and more people. Bear in mind that Harry at this stage knows he's a horcrux, but doesn't know he would survive. By willingly and knowingly dying against Voldemort in order to save everyone at Hogwarts out of love, he used the same magic his mother used to keep Harry alive. He "died" for them out of love. This is why no further casualties were made after Harry's sacrifice, everyone at Hogwarts was protected by ancient love magic.

>>86661289
boku no cabin

>>86662607
What kind of lewd stuff do you want? Harry fucking Dobby? Harry fucking Hedwig? Harry teaching Ginny how to be an animagi and then fucking her canine form with his canine form?

Harry having with sex with brazilian MILFs?

>>86662778
And it's actually obvious how useless Muggle Studies has proven to be seeing as no wizard or witch is able to dress like a Muggle to blend in, and Ron's genuine surprise at photographs that don't move. I don't think it's even a mandatory subject either

>>86662906
Why the fuck do those options even exist, who would even be into that? Really boggles the mind...

Is there any of Harry masturbating in front of the Mirror of Erised while his reflected family looks on in horror?

>>86662870
Okay, so I forgot all those details.

>>86663102
One where his female self comes through the mirror and they fuck.

>>86663144
No worries. I was just making the point that the story of Jesus is like an archetype used in many tales since then. But I never meant to imply HP is a complete copy, they almost never are. But it is interesting to use this knowledge and look back on other literature or when reading new literature, you'll be surprised how many stories use those elements in various ways.

>>86663314
Any shenanigans about polyjuice potion?

>>86664025
Draco, as hermione, getting fucked ron and harry (crabbe, goyle)

horrifying fic that played like any independent!harry except harry's gf throughout the story ended up being a polyjuiced and mind-controlled kidnapping victim from the summer before the school year - his cousin dudley

>>86664206
This all just sounds completely terrible. I guess the fanfiction world is just not for me

>>86655275
Opening up a shop in Hogsmeade or something so I could live and earn money in a close-knit Wizarding village sounds comfy

So what's the deal with Aberforth and the constant hints at him having sex with goats?

>>86648660
It's a troll image from /lit/ you newfagl

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>>86659813
>>86660030
Emma is amazing, only losers hate on her. Unfortunately there are many here.

>>86661289
It's Summer lad, the reddit fags will be gone soon

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>>86665602
>orbiting and whiteknighting a random whore who doesn't even know you exist

you can do better anon

>>86665602
Probably something to do with her becoming an ambassador for women. Openly standing for women's rights scared a lot of manchildren away
I still love her, she's great. Ridiculously beautiful and very sweet and actually intelligent.

>>86666045
Tell me this is from a video clip. Please.

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>>86651026
>time turners are a thing
>rowling gets so much shit for it she has to destroy all of them 2 books later, and you can't make anymore, and there isn't any explanation as to how they came to be in the first place

CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP

>>86667336
This.
>destroy all Time-Turners in existence because they could ruin the plot
>don't bother explaining why they can't ever create a new one
And then one shows up in The Cursed Child anyway

>>86667627
The entire 3rd book was fucked for me. I actually wanted to see the original timeline (where they didn't use the time turner to save sirius and buckbeak, and a paradox isn't created) more than I wanted to see the contrite, retarded plotline that was the third book. It also feels like rowling tried desperately to justify the time traveling by making Harry's life dependent on it, as he saves himself from the dementors. "I knew I could do it, because I'd already done it"

fucking bullshit.

>>86648660
>>86659767
I thought summer was over

>>86667868
>"I knew I could do it, because I'd already done it"
Isn't that called a bootstrap paradox? I quite like those kinds of loops in a story. It just didn't have any place in the Harry Potter universe because once you introduce something like that in the 3rd book of a series of 7, it's people are going to expect something like that again. Time loop stories only work as a standalone story, where they're resolved (or not) by the end of the novel, they shouldn't be crammed in the middle of a 7 part book series and forgotten about.

>>86644926
>Why didn't anyone commit crimes at Hogwarts with all those spells they could use and polyjuice potion and stuff?
I would commit a lot of crimes with Polyjuice Potion. Knowing me and my friends at that age we'd probably be brewing that non-stop so we always had a batch ready

>>86667868
>>86668517
Things were over by the third book when Rowling was already committed to taking it down the grimdark path.

>>86664290
Fanfiction really is a mixed bag, and it takes a certain kind of person to enjoy trawling through the garbage. I would recommend checking out the Methods of Rationality, it's an interesting take on Harry and examines some of the more nonsensical aspects of the wizarding world. More importantly it's written by someone with a brain, so the prose is bearable and the plot isn't incredibly stupid or overly simple like fanfiction has a bad reputation for.

>>86669232
>I would recommend checking out the Methods of Rationality
fuck you

>>86669232
>methods of rationality
unfunny and bland, overly long. Really, really shitty way to start out. Some fanfictions are actually really well written and they have a good plot that isn't stretched to an insanely autistic degree. The Hufflepuff Chronicles, for example, is one of my favorites. Easily the most well-written Hufflepuff Harry story to date. Sadly it's still being written, but the first two years are complete I think.

>>86670006
People are writing entire years of this fanfiction stuff? As in actual book length? That's insane

>>86670042
I've read fanfictions that've almost reached half a million words in length. Some of my favorites are almost as long as any of the Harry Potter books, too.

>>86655275

I'd make wands.

>>86670634
Tough market to get into. They only have one in the entire UK, or at least people only buy wands from one maker.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm jacked off to JK Rowling before when I was a kid.

>>86670042
One of my favorite hp fanfics has been being written on and off since 2002


TWO THOUSAND AND 2

fifteen years of writing from this random woman...

>>86652730
oh hey, I actually made this list, can't believe it's still posted
I'm kind of into Worm now so I no longer look for good Harry Potter fics, not that there were many left to find

>>86671369
Worm sucks. Read Mother of Learning on fictionpress

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>>86671418
I already do, but it takes forever to update so it's hard to stay up to date.

>>86671467
It just updated. Been Zorian family drama for a few months now, though.

>>86658365
>be Harry
>fight against the white wizard supremacists
>marry a ginger roastie that fucked a nog
>probably JKR changes the stoey so that all his children are half nogs for the sake of diversity
When did all go wrong?

>>86648081
wtf she has like negative tits

>Harry gets an invisibility cape
>A FUCKING CAPE THAT TURNS YOU INVISIBLE
>doesn't spend the rest of the school year watching the girls get in the bath

What a faget

>>86672389
They were british girls

>>86646745
Newt Scamander was expelled from Hogwarts, he still lives and survives with what he's got.

It's basically like leaving high school to go work. You can probably find it, but you won't have high school qualifications (OWLs) or university qualifications (NEWTs).

>>86648553
He explicitly says its use on students is forbidden.

Which is why Umbridge using it on Cho Chang was another step over the line. Not that she could even see the line in her rearview mirror at that point.

>>86649029
mind magic is extremely rare

>>86648988
>that book
>she graduated with a literature degree
amazing what money and fame can get you

>>86661003
>not just drinking Felix Felicis, turning your gold into muggle money, then getting rich on the stock exchange in NYC before exchanging it all back at Gringotts

>tfw witch trainer left you with a constant need to fuck a blackmailed hermione who gets progressively more slutty with time