>$180M budget >$17M opening weekend >BTFO by Girls

Is the song "Umbrella" in the movie?

>>85348163
>what went wrong?
Casting two ugly twinks that can't act and have no charisma was the death knell for the movie. Everything else being mediocre or shit besides the CGI is just the icing on the shit cake.

How did this movie get 200 million in the first place? That's the most confusing aspect of it for me. Is it a Producers scam?

>>85348163
new scifi in 2017 without being attatched to marvel
>>85348907
yurop wanted this to be huge so they gave it all they got
>>85348602
cara was good in this, it really surprised me. she stole every scene she was in, dehaan was the weakest link. he was super miscast as he has been good in other things. honestly off the top of my head shia lebouf would have been the best valerian, he wouldve delivered the lines way better and made the character more believable. too bad he is losing his mind

>>85348163
Fire the person who thought that Dane Dehaan and Cara Delevingne were worth taking a risk on in a 200 million dollar movie.

>>85348163
Back in the day IMDB still had their forums, I predicted that Valerian wouldn't sell in the USA. It just looks far too odd to work there.

If it's going to make money, it will come from the rest of the world.

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>>85349024
>cara was good in this
t. permavirgin waifufag

>>85348907
Besson's dream project. He basically went all in.

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Everyone knows it's amazing. Maybe it'll have long legs at the theater.

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>>85348163
This film was EXACTLY what I expected it to be

>wasting those creative visuals and character designs on that fucking non-existent plot, writing and acting/casting

Fucking fuck my ass, "Dane Dehaan" is more of a crutch on this film than Cara btw

>>85348163
>What went wrong
It's the most literally who movie to come out in years.

>>85349338
B-But Cara! And RIHANNA?! The teens will love it!

>>85349371
When I first saw the trailer I thought it was the sequel to ender's game desu.

Hold up this has Clive Warren?

>>85349371
Even /pol/ would like her stage performance in the movie. Rihanna was one of the best parts.

>>85348163
Sci fi meme. People don't actually like scifi shit (star wars ain't scifi). Makes me laugh people fantasizing about a Dune adaptation, shit would fucking flop.

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>>85348163
Wtf is this movie even supposed to be??
It looks like wannabe Star Wars or something

>>85348163
What happened was I don't have the money to go to the movies whenever I want.

>>85349288
>non-existent plot

are you retarded? it was a good who done it

>>85349129
>i havent seen the movie but i want to post

>>85349459
/pol/ is the official ebony pusy connoisseur board, of course we like it

>>85349510
the bad guy was obvious from his first moment on screen. so were the robots

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>>85349506
It's not even funny how hard the special effects and Alien designs in this btfo'd anything in 3rd gen Star Wars

>>85349288
Looking at the top grossing movies, none of these are a reason enough for a movie to flop.

>>85348163
>what went wrong?
No marketing. Haven't seen a damn thing about this movie other than the poster outside the theater when me and my friends went to go see Apes

>>85349196
It's not going to be allowed to. Hollywood have seen to that. In most places around the world it's screening for three days at most.

>>85348602
I'm going to see it early next month, only 3D showing I could find in my area. I'll reserve judgment on the casting until then, but based on the comics who would you have picked as Valerian and Laureline? Personally I think I'd have gone with Karl Urban and Marion Cottilard with a red dye job.

>>85348163
>what went wrong?
Those eyebrows

>>85348163
That's what you get for having those two be the leads along with having Rihanna in your big budget sci-fi movie

Well it hasn't opened in France yet, so you know, wait and see.

>>85348163

I was drunk and doing coke in the theater when I saw it and had no idea what the fuck was happening plotwise but it was still a pretty fun ride. It is also ridiculously visually beautiful.

>>85349644
The character interactions and dialogue were more deplorable than any schlock capeshit, turning off your brain doesn't help because even a braindead 10 year old with down syndrome would find his intelligence insulted by Cara and Dehaan's romance plot

I dont know why, but this just felt like box office failure from the get-go. I see commercials all the time for it and it looks decent but it something about it is just weird. I knew it was gonna flop. It's like another John Carter.

>>85348602
twinks aren't ugly.

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>>85349825
This, it's hard to put my finger on it but from the get go you could just tell it was the sort of film not many people would bring themselves to go see in the theater

>>85349596
yeah its called setup dumbass, seeing it all playout was still satisfying

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good movie i actually just got home from it

Whoever thought that Valerian and Cara/Rihanna are in the same demographic should never ever be allowed near a film set.

Also, Dane DeHaan was also miscast.

Seriously, they couldn't have made a worse casting decision even if they tried. This is straight out of a comedy: ugly fuckface Cara as Laureline is like casting Patton Oswalt as Superman. Sure, it's the same gender but EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG!

>>85349371
Rihanna was in this movie?! Why do I even give a shit? Her music sucks and her role in battleship was even worse

>>85350132

>Rihanna
>Her music sucks

kys

>>85350132
>Her music sucks

???

>>85348163
Speaking for myself, I didn't even know about it until I went to see Spiderman: Homecoming. Just seems to have come out without much marketing. At least here in the UK.

>>85350132
Nu male detected

>>85348163
I got invited to the Mexico red carpet for Valerian next week. What should I expect? How can I hit on Cara? How to exclusive afterparty with Luc Besson and the cast????

Sci fi is fucking dead and box office poison. Big budget sci fi that is an original film WILL FAIL.

>>85348163
Who the fuck actually thought this piece of shit was truly gonna be successful?

Watch the trailer. It screams piece of shit.

>>85349756
Good entries is 10 millions to 13 tickets beeing exceptional in France. He is released this week probably and i will go to see it
It will not save the budget anyways
Honestly if it fails in the US I can't see how it could be rentable. It does not have China to save it as world of war craft had

>>85350211
>How to exclusive afterparty with Luc Besson and the cast????

Tell him instead he fucked up when he casted fuckface Delavigne as Laureline. He betrayed the characters with this godawful casting.

>>85350051
>ugly fuckface cara

you gay nigga?

>>85348163
How the hell did it get 200 million budget, and why did they launch it against Nolan.

>>85350291
you queer fag?

>>85350291
>Cara NOT an ugly fuckface

Time to get better taste.

>dunkirk had 100.000 dollar budget

How the fuck does Nolan do it

>>85349196
>Lb

What did they mean by this

>>85350132
>that awful opinion regurgitation
wew

>>85350379

I mean for all of its faults Valerian is visually stunning. It looks expensive af.

>>85348163
why can't yurop make a good movie?

>>85349459
I want to see Rihanna in a school girls uniform too but I'm not paying money to see it

>>85350282
>not befriending him before pushing the dagger
It'll mean nothing coming from a literal who

>>85350211
>I got invited to the Mexico red carpet

Is that when the cartels stack all the skinned bodies over the street like tiles?

>>85348163
>casting Cara
>casting Cara as your lead
>casting a random nu male as a lead

JUST fuck my movie up senpai

Ideal casting?

Mads as Valerian.
Eva Green as Laureline

>>85350584
>casting a random nu male

You fucked it up, redditor

It was a fun movie, don't know why /tv/ is so assblasted. The effects were great and I liked the two leads. There were some really creative set pieces.

It was a bit 5th Element: Part Duex in some places though.

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>>85350584

Hopefully this buries Dane's career just like how John Carter buried Taylor Kitsch's.

We need less of these gormless "leads" with zero charisma sleepwalking through roles and tanking entire projects.

At least Cara has some spunk to her and looks fuckable.

>>85348907
Europacorp (which is own by Besson) produces a lot of shitty movies but bankable like Taken so Besson can make a movie he really wants to make once in a while.
Personally, I can't wait to see it

>>85349196
Do you think she's waterproof yet?

>>85350717
she is cute but looks like trash

>>85350170
>>85350182
>>85350208
Same fagging just for Rihanna music, its official I've seen the lowest of low life's today...

>>85350717
>literally an over-privileged rich kid
>model
>lots of friends in the industry
>typical Hollywood trendy

Nigga, she's gonna be fine.

>>85350550
Sounds like fun!

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>>85349407

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>>85350717
MISS EYEBROWS looks fuckable

top kek

>>85350813
>lol everything popular it totally gay amirite?

>>85351045

>not wanting to hotglue her eyebrows specifically and tell her to pose for facial photos for too long so she eventually needs to comb the dried cum out of them

The movie looks weird. It's like a big budget SyFy movie. I really want to watch it, but I can see why most people are immediately turned off. It just looks way too similar to garbage like Jupiter Ascending. People don't like goofy costumes and bizarre looking aliens unless the movie has a Marvel logo at the beginning.

>>85349024
>dehaan was the weakest link. he was super miscast
I liked him. But I agree that Shia would have been better. There's not enough appreciation for the squirrel-y, mouthy action guy because America is shit.

>>85348163
>Look up show times
>Literally only 4 a day at both theaters nearby, half are 3D
>They're all super inconvenient, and also spread-out, so if you missed one you couldn't just hang out
>Dunkirk has a dozen showings everyday AND 3D AND IMAX

So you know how Valerian was mostly independently financed?

>>85349196
>Someone paid 250k for that valerian post
>>85350392
Maybe a bot. All Kardashian sisters share the same amount of likes on their posts.
It's very obvious they are using instagram bots to trick people into paying 50-250k for a shoutout because they are "famous" on social media.

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>>85351453

Like someone said eariler Karl Urban would be ideal.

He can be serious, has good comedic timing, has charisma and overall presents himself as a leading man.

This movie sorely misses that.

One of the reasons 5th Element worked so well is because a straight man Bruce Willis is essentially forced to deal with increasingly crazy situations in a slapstick scifi setting. Even as a basic concept it holds water.

A same kind of "no nonsense" lead was needed here. Dane just looks fucking anemic and Shia is a meme shit.

>>85351644
Wait, people actually pay some plastic retards to post on their tweeter?

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>>85350821
>>85350717
>She's gonna be fine.
Not really. Models can actually be replaced by none other than themselves.

The biggest problem a model has nowadays is the photographers taking 1 billion shots of the model in one session and then selling it to several agencies.

Now the model is essentially fucked as they can photoshop and get anything they want whilst the model just sits home and does dick. Fewer chances at networking, especially when your family did it for you.

It's already known that Cara was being pushed out of the model world and then started auditioning for films to keep her career alive.

Her 15 mins of fame are over.

>>85348163

Dane is one of us. He's probably in this thread. Shame on you all for not going out to support his movie.

Just got back from seeing it.

6 / 10

Not great but not a total waste of time either.

The marketplace scene at the beginning was great, really good sci-fi concept behind it. My favourite part of the movie by far.

Rest of the movie was just bouncing around from one cool locale to another, pacing just wasn't good. Lots of the characters felt rushed (particularly Rihanna's). Most of the information from the conspiracy plot came piling out at the end and it felt a little odd, like they should have been uncovering more of this throughout the rest of the film instead of having most of it explained at once.

I wouldn't mind eating Rihanna's booty.

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>>85348163
>$180M budget
I don't normally say this but, think of all the people that could have fed.

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>>85348163
What a surprise

>>85351803
It's very common on instagram on high profile user accounts because it's easy raw views.

Fyre Festival organizer paid the youngest sister which I cannot remember 250k for a social media post to draw registrations on his website for the expensive tickets.

Basically every instagram model is just a corporate whore who will shill any product as long as you pay them. Of course the problem is when instagram collapses these models will all disappear. Obviously not a problem for us in general, but those "models" days are numbered. They don't have any network, personality, resume etc. It's the equivalent of a superhero elsa spiderman youtube ad revenue scheme.

>>85349288
>Non-existent plot
It meandered but it was definitely there.

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>>85351948
>7 on imdb

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told ya all that its gonna tank

>same CGI shlock visuals but worse we get for many years now since Avatar came out in 09
>unlikeable cast
>generic boring story and you figure that out just from watching the trailer
>its marketed as "groundbreaking"

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>>85349371
>It had Rihanna

The fact that I didn't know that just shows how shit the marketing was for this movie

>>85351917
A lot of people are going to be starving as the 180 million budget came from independent investors.

There won't be an actual company taking the loss, it will be dozens of people who trusted a director who overcharged his stay.

>184 film students to direct one shot
Just wow

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>>85350291

>>85351917
The probably thousands of people up and down the chain that worked on this film were fed

>>85348163
>what went wrong?

They keep putting Cara in things and she's a model not an actress a fact made clearer every time I see her on screen. I get some people want to fug her but that doesn't make her capable of propping up a 200 million dollar movie.

>>85352096
It looks like JOHN CARTER

Same premise
Same visual
Same budget

>>85350132
>her role in battleship was even worse
Bullshit.

Why didn't they learn from Jupiter ascending? Nobody likes this corny trash anymore

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>>85350717
>looks fuckable

1. she's a dyke
2. pic related

>>85352129
>receding hairline on a woman
How is that fucking possible
JUST

>>85352129
cute

>>85351917
The world health org says there has been no recorded case in the past 50 years of starvation from lack of food. It's from lack of access of food.

The food is there, it's just being hoarded/destroyed like the brits with the irish famine.

not marvel
not star wars
not a name people know

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>>85352194
>goblin face and fridge body

Cara looks like THAAAAAT?

>>85352194
Damn, Harry Styles looks like that?!

>>85352194
oh shit i have that water container

it's called the "gym keg"

it's great tbqh

hopefully it will be the last we hear of this obvious tranny

>>85351721
yes. this movie needed a Han Solo as lead, not a twink faggot

>>85352220
You know
that 180 mil would give people "access" to food right?

You know you have to pay for food right?

You know that money does not make crops grow within 3 seconds right?

You absolute fucking retard
why do you post on /tv/?!

>>85352220
The bongs should do it again for those mick niggers giving us Conor McGregor.

>>85350291
She's ugly as sin

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>>85352220
>if you pay for food you get food

>>85351721
>>85352290
Somebody give this fuccboi a barbell set and a cheeseburger.

>>85351721
Nah. I'm sick of Americans acting like the only guy who can be compelling as an action hero has to be a cinderblock-jawed man-mountain. The "charisma" everyone keeps talking about is mostly everyone's genitals tingling because he and The Chrises have masculine features. But sometimes it's nice to have a leading man who doesn't look like our stupidly narrow conception of a "natural leader" but does the shit he needs to do anyway. DeHaan did fine.

>>85352265
she on the other hand can keep it cool at all times, maybe even produce ice in it

>>85352134
ahh, thats better.

>>85348163
Wait for Chinese Cinema numbers, America numbers are nothing in those days.

>>85352375
t. twink

>>85352294
>>85352329
>doesn't understand what "access" means
>calls other people retarded

the food already exists, it's at a point where its cost is unaffected by what happens to it.

google "WHO famine" for a better understanding

>>85349506

Valerian has existed about a decade longer than Star Wars

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>>85352217

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>>85352302
You hating on conner?

>>85352442
>food should be free
>africans are starving bruh give dem food free bruh
>cuh theres food in dem who camps dey aint givin shit fo free

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>>85352235
real leading lady material, ain't she?

>>85352375
ok reddit

>>85352440
I could send you pictures of my 20 inch shoulders and dadgut if you like.

>>85349024
>cara was good in this, it really surprised me.
When they took her character's name out of the title, my heart sank a little.

>>85349627
That thing is much easier to manufacture as a toy.

>>85352194
>>85352473
>>85352540
>>85352129
Outside of Hayley Atwell and Kate Beckinsale, England fucking sucks

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>>85352649
UK is great, bigot

>>85348163
this is the best sci-fi, it's something fresh between all those capeshit movies

>>85352540
Considering her character's meant to be an 11th-century French peasant girl whisked through time to the 28th century, it kind of works?

>>85352694
>fresh
>100 year old adaptation
ok

Stop casting men to play female characters

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>>85352649
I think Gwendoline Christie is a qt

>>85352793
no tits

>>85352677
>I lived long enough to see funnyman Eddie Izzard transform into my bitter spinster aunt

What a time to be alive. Please go back to jokes about beekeeping, Eddie. Please.

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>>85348163

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>>85352762
it would if Cara could act.

>>85352842
based black reviewer man

>>85348163
It's not an american movie you imbecile.
They don't expect more than 20% of the revenues to come from the US.

>>85352867
Say my name
SAY IT

general public =/= my tastes
gonna see it in 3d monday, when its cheaper tickets, less crowded and not full of blacks screaming at the screen

They look like those rich kids doing coke you see in some TV shows.

>>85352842

For someone who usually gets nothing from White's reviews other than meme value, I found this review to be very reasonable. Other than calling Chris Tucker's character in the 5th Element hilarious, there is absolutely nothing wrong with his review.

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>>85352842
/ourguy/

>>85352842
How do you take this dumb nigger seriously

>>85348163
>what went wrong?
Something about it from the very start just reeked of being a huge box office bomb. The movie was destined for it.

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>>85352816
better body than Cara.

>>85353040
>blacks screaming at the screen

Is this a thing?

I've heard the dialogue is absolute ass

I still wanna see it. So flop, yeah, but has anyone here seen it? Is it a solid Besson flick?

>>85353180
It's pretty bad

>>85348163
Those fugly ayyylmaos in the poster.

>>85353152
AW HEAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

>>85353152
Not unless you go to a theater in a black area and are unlucky. Which would mean you're poor as shit and deserve it anyway.

>>85353180
>solid Besson flick?
There is no such thing. Besson is a hack who got lucky once with Leon

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>>85351644
>paid
Kendall is a friend of Cara and was with her at the premiere. If she was "paid" in anything it was probably Cara cuddles.

Ummm.... I liked Bubble. I think she is cute and would like for her to be my wife

>>85353275
no even in higher class theaters black people chimp out
>>85353152
>>85353265
yes its a thing, black people are fucking annoying, can't just be themselves, they need to shout about how black they are even if there are like 5 people in the theater and its a early monday showing

>>85348163
>looked it up
>based off a comic
DROPPED

>>85348163
wtf is this ? this is the first time ive even heard of this movie. how could anyone not know this would flop

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>what about....eyebrows?!

>>85348163
why would they go against Dunkirk? at least girls trip was a different market target

>>85349116
IMDB got rid of the forums? thank fucking god

>>85348907
with little to no practicality, from what i can ser

>>85353067
>Implying Ruby Rod is anything less than super-green

BZZZZ

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

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>what went wrong?

they shilled out for a promotion on Imgur, which gets past adblock. I saw the ad and vowed that even if I wanted to watch it I wouldn't because they advertised to me.

The world is full of Marvel drones. If this had their name on it people would have eaten it up.

>>85348163
Ive never even heard of this movie so that's probably where they fucked up

>>85349506
the original star wars trilogy were actually straight up ripped off the original valerian comics

I liked this movie. The lead characters look like 14 year old siblings, but I thought that made their romantic relationship funny.

I hate Luc Besson with a passion.

The Arthur and the Invisibles movies are absolute shit tier.

>>85349288
This.

Dane was too much of a manlet to be playing an alpha male character like Valerian as he just came off as some kind of dorky frat boy. Cara did surprising well considering how Besson shat the bed with the writing. Visuals were nice though.

>>85352375
>DeHaan did fine.

Its very hard to take someone seriously as an action hero when they look like their female co star could give him run for his money if she started taking protein shakes. Acting wise he did very little to make up for this unless you considering talking like he has laryngitis to be good acting.

>>85352762
Not in this movie, she has a degree from harvard

Luc Besson is a fucking moron

This was the movie equivalent of No Man Sky.

Reminds me of the flop that was Ultraviolet.