>They say early to bed, early to rise. But I'm still

Caspere knew this

They say the early bird gets the worm. But you know what Ray? I don't eat pork.

>They say it's a dog eat dog world. But I'm the Chinaman, Ray.

They say that race is a social construct Ray, but somehow I still hate fucking niggers.

>>85034216
*doggy dog

that bar scene at the end of episode 1 is literally kino, what are some other similar scenes?

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You say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but I don't keep pets. If I reach my hand in somebody's bush, Ray, you better believe I ain't lookin for birdies.

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"Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Bullshit. Caspere went to bed at 5 PM and woke up a dead man, what the fuck does that tell you? In this city that never sleeps, I'm the fucking night owl.

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>>85034444
Made it even better, with quads too

>they say all soda tastes like coke, Ray, but I am sure as hell not sniffing Dr. Pepper

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Caspere always told me you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. But breakfast stops at 10 AM, these eggs are hard-boiled, and I'm shit outta luck.

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>you will never EVER be good at vinceposting

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>>85034867

I liked Vince.

>The pied piper is playing a tune for us both. But there's something you should know about me Ray. I don't dance.

>Steve Jobs once said that great things are done by a group of people. Well I'm my own fucking team, Ray

>>85034723
Underrated post

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>Caspere always told me, "Frank, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned." No shit, that's obvious, I know what fire is. What a fucking useless thing to say. I gotta be honest with you, Ray, Caspere was pretty dumb sometimes.

>>85034077
From day 1 in 2015 Caspere knew this was overused.

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he takes all my fucking fish.

They always told me to sleep with one eye open. Well guess what Ray. I'm a goddamn Cyclops, and the world is my Odysseus.

>they say when it rains, it pours. Well it's raining, Frank, and we're in a fucking drought

>They say you should never bring a knife to a gun fight, but nobody's loaded, and I'm starting to fuckin penetrate.

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>>85035407
>>85035463
>>85035372

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>>85034867

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>>85034867

>>85034047
They say two in the bush is worth three in the barrel, Ray. Well I'm landscaping outside of a Cracker Barrel, and Caspere wants it burned down for the insurance money.

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>>85034867

>they say you should let sleeping dogs lie, well guess what ray? this puppy's wide away and i taught him to fetch

i've asked before, does anyone remember the one that goes along the lines of in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king?

i can't fucking remember it, someone post it if you know it please

>they say you should put the ball in the other guy's court. well guess what, ray? we're playing hockey and you're on thin ice

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>They say blood is thicker than water, Ray, but we are in the middle of a fucking desert and I'm on my period

>they say happiness is the absence of suffering, Ray. Guess what? I'm into BDSM.

>They told me the world's my oyster Ray, and I'm gonna swallow it whole with no tabasco and Ray, the only cunt big enough to satisfy me after an aphrodisiac of that size is your ex wife's.

why are these hilarious?

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>>85034047
>They say early to bed, early to rise. Fuck that noise, stay woke, Ray.

>>85036015
Caspere knew it.

the worst vinceposting thread ive ever read

all of you should be ashamed

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Never lost my keys.
Never even had a fucking key chain.

>>85037626
Fuck you bitch

>>85037626
Caspere knew this

>they pulled the wool over your eyes, ray. and i'm the fucking sweater

They say love is like a battlefield, Ray. But all I know is. Women cost money and i'm not Cupido.

>Ray, you and I both know the way you hit the bottle you're already six feet under. But don't you fucking forget what I need you to do for me...so buy some stilts.

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>they say there's two sides to every story. well guess what, ray? i can't read and i'm a triangle

>>85037626
Bet you can't make it better

>He hasn't been in the ground all of two days, and he's already clawing his way back up to bite me in the ass. I'll tell you this Ray - Caspere may be a ghost, but he's anything but friendly.

>They say that it takes two to tango. Well, I only know how to shuffle, Ray.

>Ray, I'm up to my neck in so much shit, I'm thinking about buying a snorkel.

>I bought my wife a gold watch for our anniversary, Ray. Only the fertility doctor said she would never be late. What a goddamn waste of 20 bucks.

>>85034047
>they say the early bird catches the worm, ray... but I'm the fish and I never take the bait

>My father never knew how to play chess, Ray. That's why he died poor. Caspere thought he knew how to play, and that's why he's dead too. Guess what, Ray? The Queen is the most powerful piece on the board, and getting fit for a dress tomorrow

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>My guidance counselor told me I could be anything I wanted, Ray. Jokes on him. I just wanted to be in Season 1

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>>85037626
Are you being louche?

>>85037496
Because Season 2 is trash television.

>Well you know what they say... each to his own... but in my case, I own each

>>85038459
10/10

>They say the early bird catches the worm. But I'm the fucking cat, Ray.

>they say i'm on a wild goose chase, ray. but guess what? it's a snipe hunt, and i'm all out of ammo

>>85034867
Just think of a common idiom, and then conceptualize how a bad actor trying to sound smart would say it.

>>85039083
Nah, you gotta make it so Vince is on top or something.
>>they say i'm on a wild goose chase, ray. but guess what? it's a snipe hunt, and i have a fucking cannon

>>85039206
What about
>they say this case is a wild goose chase ray... but they ain't geese, they're sitting ducks, and i'm fully fucking loaded

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>caspere said we'd take a rain check, but guess what, ray? it's a blizzard out there and i'm the fucking snowblower

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>>85034867
delet

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Let me tell you a story, Ray. You see, when I was nine years old I had a bike. It was a red bike, and my dad called it a girl's bike, but I loved it anyway. One day he intentionally drove over it with his truck, to teach me a lesson. Guess what, Ray?
Now you're the girl's bike. And I'm the truck.

>>85035463
a pathetic attempt

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They say what goes around comes around. But thing is, Ray, guys like us have a choice: either sit on the carousel like a baby; or ride the teacups like a man.

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Hey remember me, guys? I was on this show too...

I also played Gambit

and I was the star of John Carter...

anyone?

>>85039904
penis cop

>>85039904
Literally why: the character

You think I would do that, Ray? Beat a woman within an inch of her life? Let me tell you something. I only raised my hand to a woman once. At a Janis Joplin concert. And you better believe I raised them both.

>they say every dog has his day. but guess what, ray? i'm a cat, and i only hunt at night

>>85035399
Caspere knew this

>>85039904
GOD OF WAR

>>85039904
You're never gonna be nothin, Riggins.

>>85039904
you were that gay dude, right?

>I'm a simple many, Ray. A simple man who repudiates perfidiousness.

Every dog has his day Ray, but this big dog has a whole week.

>>85043722
*Every dog has its day, Ray, but I'm a goddamn wolf

They say every dog has it's day, Ray. Well I'm a cat and I lost my fucking calendar.

They say every dog has his day, Ray, but I'm a rottweiler and there's a cute brown girl with dreadlocks making me eat peanut butter out of her asshole.

Capsere knew this.

They say autism is the key to the minds eye. Well guess what Ray? I'm holding the fucking master key and these kids bottles aren't gonna fill themselves up on their own.

They say every dog has its day, Ray, but do you see me eating any fucking kibble?

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>>85034867
i wish i was smart enough to vincepost

>>85045411
*PISS BOTTLES FUCK

>>85039904
HEY WOODROUGH
TELL ME ITS TRUE

>>85042314
subtle/10

>>85045530
phone posting faggot trash.
>the actual state of /tv/ right now

>They say it's a 2011 movie starts playing. Well guess what, Ray? You're in my house, and I'm the party rocker

>They say when life gives you lemons make lemonade. But all I've gotten is fucking turnips

>they say it's not gay if balls dont touch, Ray. Call me a faggot now, I have the 7 dragon balls and theyre together.

They say it ain't over till the fat lady sings Ray, well the fat ladies sung and I'm still fuckin' here

>>85034326
Perfect

>>85046749
My phone has a strong enough CPU to run Windows 10 faggot

>>85049056
>a phone poster calling someone a faggot
good troll mate. almost got me

>>85037626
Agreed

>They say that life is like a box of chocolates Ray, well guess what, I'm the fat kid hogging all the pieces

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>>85034077

>They say all dogs go to heaven. Thing is Ray, I'm a goddamn tiger.

Is True Detective actually worth watching or is it a typical cop drama?

>>85053374
Season one is amazing, season two leads to vinceposting

>They say that a stopped clock is right twice a Day, but I'm the finger that moves the hands, Ray

>they say two wrongs don't make a right. well guess what, ray? i took a left turn and ended up on top

>>85047203
shit

>They say it aint over till the fat lady sings, but the fat lady choked on pastrami backstage before the opening, Ray

>>85053374
>>85053481
Yep.

Season 1 is very good.
Season 2 is a bunch of execs going "DO SEASON 1 AGAIN BUT BIGGER AND ALSO DO IT TOMORROW"
So it was total shit

>They say it ain't rape if you yell surprise, Ray.
>but in my experience it ain't a surprise if you yell rape.

>>85034867
Don't be upset, it's like being a sculptor. It takes time, practice, skill, and a natural talent for it. Some people can, some people can't. Casper knew this.

>>85055998
>they say vinceposting is like being a sculptor. well guess what, ray? i'm chiseling marble and you're the fucking fig leaf

>Why did the chicken cross the road, Ray? He didn't, cause I'm the road and nobody crosses me.

>Ray? He's a kitten now. I could tell by his eyes.

>>85057012

They say that vinceposting is like being a sculptor. Well vinceposter your going to have to be the banana leaf because I'm the coconuts.

>Yknow they say the early bird gets the worm. But what they don't tell you is that the worm dies no matter what. Well right now you're a worm and my alarm clock just went off.

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>>85035372
Got me

>>85034164
10/10

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>Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken Ray, but If you don't reply to this post, your mother will die in her sleep tonight

>they say there's no place like home. well guess what, ray? i'm homeless and my face is superimposed over the bridge i live under in the intro to this show

>>85034047
>Imagine being Colin Farrell in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Vince Vaughn, you fuckin' eloquent, all sage with your elaborate vocabulary and horrific pretentious analogies. I would totally be shaken by your rethoric, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is shoot another scene with Rachel McAdams. Like seriously imagine having to be Colin and not only stand in that pier while Vince Vaughn flaunts his stilted solliloquy in front of you, the emotionless delivery barely concealing the excesive verbose and lack of pathos, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that monologue. Not only having to tolerate his grating fucking deliberate pauses but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, VINCE VAUGHN VAN DELIVER DIALOGUE LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his droopy mouth conjure awkward declamations you didn't even think were possible before that day. You've been acting opposite nothing but a healthy diet of Al Pacinos, Tom Cruises and later alleged Ben Afflecks for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Ireland. You've never even seen anything this fucking bad before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his wrinkled forehead as he frowns menacingly at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "subdued (for that is what he calls himself)" performance, the performance he worked so hard for with personal acting coaches in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could outact the shit out of Vaughn before the studio security could put you down, but you stand there and endure, because you're fucking Colin. You're not going to lose your future Harry Potter career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

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>You drilled for oil and you hit shit, Ray. It happens to the best of us. The difference between you and me however is that when you packed up shop and went looking for greener pastures, I set up shop in the shit. Why? Why would a nicely dressed man such as myself get knee deep in the shit? Because even shit has a price, Ray. And I'm getting my money's worth with you.

>>85035201
>the pied piper is playing a tune for us both. but there is something you should know... I'm deaf.

>>85035201
Brilliant

>Ray, did I ever tell you about Chuck? friend of mine, had a little shop out in the countryside. HAD one, anyway. It's Sneed's now, he sells feed and seed.

They say one in hand is worth two in the Bush. Guess what Ray, my lawn guy already left and I'm paraplegic

>they say you don't get to bring friends. well guess what, ray? i'm a loner and i'm crashing this plane

>I got all the keys to this city, ray. But I can't find the locks.

>>85034867
does vinceposting have the highest meem skillgap ever?

My mother used to tell me "If you can't beat em', join em'." If only she was alive to see the looks on the faces of the little league team I coached when I came out wearing the other team's jersey. I'll never forget them.

>>85055049
Next level

>it's a doggy dog world, ray. and guess what, i'm the fucking lion

>>85034867
It's Frankposting you dunce. Can't even get the name of the meme right.

>I'm holding all the cards now Ray but I never bought in

>My mother told me I was like an open book to her. I asked her "Ma. What kind of book am I?" And do you know what she said, Ray? A fucking choose your own adventure. I'm ready to flip to page 57, Ray. You better pray it's the good ending.

>>85062773
Caspere was aware of this

>my father told me that i was to be "seen not heard", well he's been dead for years Ray and I'm the Sax player in Caspere's band

OP here, happy to see that the thread is still alive.

>>85046938
>>85047167
>>85047203
>>85061827
>>85062131
>>85062434
>>85063080
>>85065862
Top kek

>>85050868
Damn