ITT: Criticisms that only brainlets raise about films. >the

>the "pacing" was bad

>"the tone was all over the place"

>it wasn't capeshit

>the memes were not dank enough

>The memespouting plebeian's criticism
"Dishonest filmmaking"

>The discerning patrician's criticism
"It insists upon itself"

>>84939144
I've never actually seen that being used nor used it myself as criticism, but there is nothing wrong with that sentiment. It implies that the film envisioned itself to be greater than it really is and fell short of it, but dramatically so as the verb "collapsing" suggests, collapsing in a pile of its own bullshit.

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>>84939224
Like Alien Covenant.

>the second/third act ruined the movie
>the movie was too long

"love letter to X"

>>84939155
nothing wrong with that
>>84939411
nothing wrong with the first statement

>>84939165
I have no idea what the fuck does this mean.

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>tropes

>it feels dated
I'm sorry a 50+ year old film didn't cater to your modern sensibilities you utter pleb

>>84939475
Tropes are bad

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>"no fun"

>>84939144
>collapsing under its own weight
perfect description of alien covenant

>there was no action at all
had a friend say this about the road

>>84939499
>it feels dated
about the thing

>it took itself too seriously

>>84939452
It tries to be serious and comedic with no sense of identity, for example.

>There was too much sex

>the film was too Reddit for my taste

>a good film
>but not a good [X] film

>>84939155
>>84939165
It's okay not to understand terms. I didn't understand them either when I was 14. I wasn't capable of detecting abrupt tonal shifts or bad pacing then either. Movies seemed a lot better than they actually were, so enjoy yourselves while it lasts.

>>84939411
>the second/third act ruined the movie
Get Out
>the movie was too long
Apocalypse Now
>>84939499
The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
>>84939979
The Iron Lady

>>84939411
A Cure For Wellness

>>84940027
god i have an older brother who never had a gf and he's obviously a virgin

he hates movies with sex, Blue is the Warmest color, Gaspar Noe's films, etc, everytime there's a sex scene he calls it "unnecessary"

>protag was unlikable!
>dude it was comfy!
>that useless plotline that went nowhere was world building!

The worst is when a brainlet watches a cam footage download and offer his """criticism"""

>>84940149
Why don't you fuck your onii-chan and help him out?

>>84940252
I hate cams and yet I never see anything in theatres and am sick of not seeing the latest films until 6 months after they've left the zeitgeist so I'm thinking about just eating shit and watching cams so I can join the discussion t b h

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>>84940027

>characters actions make no sense!
>character explains his actions before, during and after preforming them trying to make sure the stupidest people around understand

>>84940306
I don't think this has ever happened

>[insert old movie] is terrible because it is so blatantly racist, sexist, and doesn't align with modern views. What were they thinking?

>Why didn't they explain how the futuristic machines in the science fiction movie worked
>The character didn't do what I would do and is therefore unrealistic

>>84940102
The last 30 minutes of Apocalypse now made the movie you fucking pleb
Without it it would be another generic Vietnam movie

>>84940149
>everytime there's a sex scene he calls it "unnecessary"
He's not wrong. Really, you know it's not "necessary."

>>84940381
>The last 30 minutes of Apocalypse now made the movie you fucking pleb
That's fine but the shit leading up to it should've been cut down.

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>>84940339
Had a girl I lived with in college confide in me that she was embarassed about liking Gone With the Wind because it was "problematic."

>mfw

>>84939165
That's a good complaint though. The latest Kong film shoehorned quips and humour into an otherwise semi-serious movie. It's weird and out of place.

>>84940149
Virgins are hilarious

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>>84940306
Every fucking anime to ever be created. Also the MGS series. Why are slants so shit at story telling?

>>84940149
He's not wrong.

>>84940149
But hes right, sex in movies is unnecessary, I like seeing bouncing tits but I wont pretend they add anything to the movie.

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>>84940149

I ALWAYS skip sex scenes since they're irrelevant to the plot 99% of the time.

>>84940580
Brainlets can't handle a few deviations from the general theme lmao. What's a few jokes, huh? Pussies.

>>84940731
I know this is bait, but se7en is a good example of humor in an otherwise dark setting
>the subway, major comic relief
>david's cocky and stupid remarks and somerset's reactions to them
>somerset's subtle reaction when david poured him wine in a regular glass
that's non-comedy humor done right

>>84940339
Fucking this right here. This literally isn't film criticism.

>>84939165
This was my issue with Okja.

It was a kids film with fart jokes and then a rape scene happened

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HOW TO SPOT A PLEB 101

>only able to discuss literal plot points and the logical order of the narrative of a film
>every film has a singular universal "deep meaning" which you have to "get" to understand it
>"The writing is the most important filmmaking element!"
>thinks that empty pretty pictures means "good cinematography"
>"I don't find this part of the narrative plausible or realistic, therefore the movie is SHIT!"
>treating a film like a puzzle which you have to put together in a certain kind of way to get it
>a film is either utter dogshit or a masterpiece, there is no inbetween
>"Who cares about editing, framing and composition sound and whatnot if the story isn't great."
>considers heavy use of direct symbolism as a positive factor
>using "boring" and "nothing happens" as arguments ever

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>>84940063
fuck, I've done this

>>84940149
Gaspar Noe is a hack pornographer though.

>[character] didn't have a good character arc

>>84941246
>wtf there's contrast in a film about an innocent happy life ruined?

>>84939189
I'm pretty sure I'm the one that started the "dishonest filmmaking" meme in a La La Land thread desu.

>>84940149
The sex in those films really was unnecessary though.

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>The ending didn't explain anything

>>84940339
Every fucking review of MASH.

>>84939144
That's a perfectly valid criticism though, especially in this current era of filmmakers with distinct visions (but questionable talent) who wield unreasonable amounts of money to put their wildest, most extravagant fantasies on screen in acts of pure indulgence (George Lucas, Ridley Scott, Zack Snyder, etc.). Such films end up having more of a presence than your typical designed-by-committee blockbuster schlock, but they're invariably very awkward experiences to watch because you're witnessing the result of absolute creative authority of a borderline autistic crazy person.

The Star Wars prequels, Snyder's DC films and Prometheus ARE collapsing under their own weight. All these films have a tendency to play at establishing deeper sociopolitical, philosophical, psychological and religious meaning, but constantly underwrite them with often bizarre and off putting, for lack of a better word, "meme moments". You know, the sort of shit that generates endless threads on /tv/. These add up until the film is rendered an unintentional farce and you're laughing by the end.

>nothing happened
this is by far the worst "criticism"

>>84942039
> Directors shouldn't have freedom
>Studios should mass produce factory assembled movies
>lets /tv/ infect your mind enough to ruin a movie "meme moments"

brainlet.

>>84942050
why would you watch something where nothing happens?

I'm just wasting my time

>>84941466
Saving this post

>>84942198
there are literally no movies where nothing happens. maybe you stared at a picture for an hour?

>>84942259
>there are literally no movies where nothing happens
just find some pretentious garbage like The Turin horse which is highly rated, where it's just a man eating a potato for a few days

>>84941466
>>"The writing is the most important filmmaking element!"
refute this

>>84942259
Watch The Class.

>>84940316
BvS

>>84942317
Every single filmaking element is just as important. The narrative is only one element in the whole filmmaking process.

Film is a visual medium. If a movie has a mediocre/bad story but is executed well in all the other elements it will still result in a good movie (some recent examples like Fury Road, Sicario, The Revenant)
But if the narrative is the only good element in a movie it will never ever result in a good movie.

>>84942305
right, so something does happen, a man eats a potato.

>>84942332
>The Class
sounds like things do happen in this one also.

the point is that any footage that clearly indicates the passage of time also has action in it however slow or insignificant you might think it is.

>>84942198
>>84942305
t. plot driven surface-level manbabies

>>84940891
Thank you for reminding me how awesome Se7en is.

>>84941937
Best post in this thread desu

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>>84942376
>>84942370

>"the story was incoherent"

>>84940381
>generic vietnam movie
>the entire helicopter/surfing/napalm in the morning sequence
>the boat massacre
>the surreal passage into cambodia
>being this wrong
You did it anon, you triggered me

>>84939165
People who say shit like this have clearly never watched Korean or Indian films. It's a stupid Western idea that the tone and mood of a film should be static.

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>>84939144
>too many cuts too quickly

fucking brainlets amirite guise?

>>84941935

It was from a review you pleb

>>84940306
This is really fucking retarded. I hate that shit.

>>84940316
You're kidding right? There's a whole trope genre joke based specifically around that.

>"is this the part where you tell me your diabolical plan before killing me?"
>"lol no" *blam blam*

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>>84941246

>animal husbandry is now considered rape

>was director/writes on drugs?

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>scenes has many colours, especially purple, red, violet, dark blue
"critic":
>movie has a lot of psychoanalitic symbolics, double-coding, is fairytale-like.

>>84944338
>film is colorful
"critic":
>film is psychedelic

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>I can't relate to the main character

>>84944504
>Protagonist is unlikeable.

>I didn't like the characters

>>84944504
More like
>protagonist is unrelateable
Or something. "Critic" would think that everyone is as dumb as them.