I am looking for a good Friendship Simulator. I have tried Red

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>>84394412
Brain?

go volunteer at a nursing home

>>84394412
>humble
>smart
>sincere
>pretends to befriend a low-test loser who doesn't "get" irony with hobbies including watching television and compulsive masturbation
good luck with that

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>>84394418
Will he discuss the vapid consumption of jewish media at me, which is, truth be told, my only hobby or interest, and one which I don't take very seriously?

>>84394422
No, no. It has to be a Friendship Simulator. I sit passive and voyeuristic as the pretend friend talks to a camera as I nod my head and laugh. Anything that involved me actually doing anything or responding and it'd ruin my enjoyment.

>>84394473
I get irony. I just don't like it. The insincerity of it makes me sick.

Cum Town is none of those things but it's what I use

>>84394537
>sure I'm a low-test loser whose hobbies are watching television and playing with my peepee, but DAMN IT I UNDERSTAND IRONY
incorrect

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>>84394412
Steve1989MREInfo is all anyone could ever want as a friend

>>84394620
Sex is icky and it makes me feel icky.

>>84394624
Adolescence is a hard time for us all, kiddo, but you'll grow out of it.

Cinefix

Find a Twitch streamer you like that doesn't have a lot of viewers and watch them. Sometimes you can type into the chat and they'll say something to you. A step up from those youtube celebs if you ask me.

>>84394659
>I may be a low-test loser who jerks off all day in front of the television and doesn't understand irony, but I've also wasted my youth
cool story bro
why is it you don't have any friends again?

>>84394742
Recommendations?

iDubbbz was my pretend friend for a while, but to be honest, that guy is a real jerk.

Watch some films instead, instead of watching people watching films for you

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>>84394755
Listen, kid - I am here looking for a Friend Simulator. A lot, I know, use 4chan as a Conflict Simulator because they're passive in real life and insulting strangers anonymously is a risk free way of relieving that tension, but what you're actually doing here constitutes a serious violation of my civil liberties. Back off, ya jerk.

>>84394856
Recommendations of films that simulate the experience of friendship?

>>84394929
Bleak Night

>>84394929
I Stand Alone

>>84394412

Classic Mystery Science Theater 3000. In particular the Joel episodes.

Stay far away from the new MST3K on Netflix.

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>>84394412
>humble, smart and sincere
Joe Rogan of course. He's humbleness incarnate.

>>84394412
Any commentary tracks, but Rifftrax in particular sounds up your alley. Also please don't start drinking alone

Like weightlifting and banter?
Try the Delray Misfits.

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>>84394929
La femme défendue

>>84394412
darthmauldog1125

Would you like a real friend? I'll be your friend, anon

>>84394412
Try Lazy Game Reviews and Techmoan

also as the other anon said, Steve1989MREinfo

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>>84395642
That sounds kind of gross. Is it even legal?

Will you talk at me about things you enjoy, about things I enjoy, with no expectation I do or say anything, as I just listen to your opinions, absorbing them, laughing at your jokes occasionally?

>>84394655
Sadly he posts so rarely :t I wish he could get health insurance and do this full time.

>>84395780
Yes! I will do that!!!

>>84394857
damn bro you're post-ironic AF

love it hella fucking epic XDD

>>84395836
I'll wait at the corner of the street for you to pick me up in your car. Bring snacks.

>>84395856
New Sincerity, my dude. I don't know why you'd find it distasteful to sneer at. It's a beautiful thing. How can you say I go about things in the wrong way? I am a human and I need to be loved.

>>84395881
What snacks do you like? I like burnt cheez its and goldfish

>>84395967
Me? Crab legs.

>>84396061
Why does sex make you feel icky?

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>>84396085
STDs

>>84396085
You put the wee-wee in the girl-girl and it's hot, sticky and gross, and it's confusing. It is, as Aristotle observes, part God, part Devil. It is, I suppose, the ambiguous nature of its divinity.

>>84395925
desu fascism is the best outlet of new sincerity, it's SO huge right now, just go to r/the_donald and start memeing your pepes away!!!
If you're more of a lover then nu-liberalism is the place for you, enroll at your local college every year and bathe in that awesome bubble! XD

>>84396138
Intriguing!

>>84396199
Fascism is an Alt-Postmodern expression of Discontentment wit Modernity, you Pedantic little Scotian. It is in NO WAY New Sinceirty which denies the Discontentment-Contentment Dichotomy of Being, and Embraces Pure, Raw, True Being. And NeoLiberalism ---IS--- Postmodern Modernism, NOT NewSincerity. And I appreciate Your suggestion but I got BANNED from there for being too RADICALLY SINCERE.

>>84394412
ITT philosophy major is trying to do conceptual performance art. The topic is "intimacy and anonymity".

I like it.

>>84396138
You need to see someone. You need help. But I'm sure you are too afraid to take that step.

Jerma985

>>84394412
Try YMS if you can ignore the furry shit

>>84396085
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDCasn_qM1s
>3:05

>>84395925
you clearly don't need to be loved if you're content with a substitute. what you're doing has nnothing to do with sincerity, it's just another layer of ironic detachment. That refusal to make yourself vulnerable will be a cold comfort in your deathbed.

>>84396828
how many people really slip out of life like some lifetime movie with all their friends and family around them reflecting pleasantly on their life? Dying sucks no matter how you slice it if you're one of the few who experience it consciously. I'd rather spend the last moments with myself, but almost everyone in that situation does anyway

Red Bar Radio.
Closest thing I can get to a friend that laughs at other shitty internet personalities and celebs.

>>84396668
>>84396828
You're both right, to be honest, and I appreciate it, but I don't think there is a proper alternative. Friendships, relationships, the basis on which they exist I don't think exists for me; the basis for human interaction doesn't exist for me. Why should I struggle for individuation which is only painful when the warm womb embraces me? I can rest in here cozy and easy. All I want is some nice Friendship Simulators to lull me, not hardship and difficult which leads nowhere but misery. Thanks....

>>84396686
>manlet
>friend
BFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>84397002
that's a crock of shit, if you're having a conversation here you don't want to be alone all the time. and you're perfectly able to figure out how to interact with human beings. you're not socially disabled or retarded, and frankly it's insulting to the lives of people like that that you would pretend to be. you just want the convenience of thinking you never wanted to succeed because you're afraid to fail.

I like sucking warm, thick, juicy black cocks and I also enjoy ramming giant meaty sausages up my rectum.

>>84394518
hmmm this is a good idea, maybe i could code this, autism is big nowadays

>>84397141
You misunderstand. I want the experience of friendship, the good, but none of the aggravation. I interact here in a pressure-free environment where nothing matters, sure, but in the real world THINGS MATTER. Why would I want that? It makes me nervous and I am scared. Could I face that nervousness and those fears? Yes. Why should I though? It won't be more worthwhile than sitting watching a Twitch Streamer or Youtubers or some fun Friendship Simulator.

https://www.youtube.com/user/FanboyFlicks

His twilight reviews are 10/10

>>84394412
YouTube trailer reactors are exactly what you're looking for.

>>84397002
Friendship simulators are tiresome but at least only give you highlights. Real friendships are pretty boring affairs. I don't know how anyone could be consistently entertained by the same person enough to justify hanging around them. The same lame bantering, gossip, making effort to sort through people in the first place, maintaining conversations, it's all really exhausting. That's not to say I'm really interesting and they're all boring, just the process itself is boring. Family is different since you live around them enough where silence is a normal thing and speaking can be reserved, as opposed to friendships where you have to be engaged almost constantly to try and squeeze value out of an arranged, temporary meet-up. That's also why I think comparing friendships to a message board like >>84397141 says doesn't work. The interaction is fundamentally different, and none of you are my friends. Seems like more effort than it is worth to me. Repeatedly I've been in the middle of friendships, looked around and decided I was just bored, and that I'd rather be at home alone and would never like to see that person again. Not out of fear, just annoyance and boredom. Again not at the other person, just at the situation itself. Sometimes if we're in a fun or interesting scenario that you can't really experience alone, I'll have fun, but I thought friendship was supposed to be more than exploiting another person in order to put yourself inside a fun scenario you couldn't otherwise like a created NPC in you're own personal game of life. I thought you were supposed to genuinely enjoy the other person's company, and I just can't. Probably autism, I don't know. Though maybe the nature of friendships and relationships really are more shallow than I used to think and nobody is really special.

>>84397547
A beautiful post from a beautiful soul.

>>84397273
>It won't be more worthwhile than sitting on my ass
wrong
you said it yourself, real life has consequences. it absolutely matters, in a way that none of this does. if it didn't you wouldn't be so afraid of it. so get out and live your life.
>>84397547
real friendship is doing things that you want to do anyway with people. hanging out is pointless. find a hobby, faggot

>>84397691
It has consequences, and it unfolds into a spiral of shit, with pressure and demands. Why is forcing myself through that into these high-anxiety social engagements a worthwhile thing that matters? Life is for enjoying, maximizing pleasure and happiness, minimizing pain and misery. Real person = pain, misery. Friendship Simulator = pleasure, happiness. You cannot refute that.

>>84397833
fake pleasure fades
when you're 80 years old you might be happy to remember that one time you fucked a girl behind a club. you won't care about the time you spent masturbating to japanese octopus porn

>>84397691
>real friendship is doing things that you want to do anyway with people
Well that's pretty lame, is all I'm saying. In that case prostitutes are just as good as a relationship, and just as meaningful. And maybe that's true. Just doesn't sit right, is all I mean. I enjoy my time alone and have hobbies that work there, I don't know what hobbies has to do with anything.

>>84394412
cumtown podcast, you can thank me later

This is a nice thread, sometimes I can get in the right mood and really talk high poise life-understanding like that, but not all the time, which makes me really sad to my core. I feel like I want to be in that mood, my best self, all the time. I should continue to keep notes and collect things that are important to me.

>>84397902
Fake/Real pleasure is a false dichotomy.

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>>84394412
why not spoony?

>>84394422
he said friendship simulator and not depression simulator

>>84398041
Preferably a Friendship Simulator that doesn't have forced Bereavement for Friend Expansion Pack when he inevitably kills himself, desu.

>>84398041
I look like Spoony without the facial hair and more youthful. Can I get pussy?

Hey guys I know you're all really worried that you're not doing the right thing, and are always ready to pounce to tell each other we're wasting our time and lives, but this is living and it's okay. We all have lives.

>>84394412
just get some real fucking friend jesus christ
I really, unironically, hope this is bait

>>84394742
I did this for over a year when I was neat
Let me tell you something: it's probably the worst waste of time outside of heroin. Online friends usually doesn't work out, but this is even worse since it's a one-way-friendship. It's absolute fucking aids and I wish I had spent my twitch time on something else, even fucking 4chan

>>84398085
If you're into video games, have you watched OneyPlays? They're very sincere and light-hearted, it's very easy to pretend they are your friends.

>>84394929
Maybe it's not imitating friendship but Adrift in Tokyo fills me up with warm cuddly feelings for the rest of the day

>>84398031
You're pathetic dude.

>>84398436
this is cognitive dissonance.

>>84398436
Nothing wrong with a little pathos my friend

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>>84398436
Why? I've identified the quickest, best way to a stress and pressure free life of pleasure and happiness, and I am not scared to pursue it. You're pathetic for conning yourself into miserable normie living because that's the totally radically cool dude thing to do dude.

Why u only respond to haters?

>>84398961
Dialectics.

I am grateful to everyone who has posted wonderful suggestions, and in fact, I have responded to a number of them with quips or jokes, and I even told one person he has a beautiful soul, the truth. But when someone disagrees with you on a fundamental level there is more to discuss.

If I didn't reply to you post, I apologize. I am sure it was a good one.

>>84394655
COFFEE INSTANT

>>84394412
You should watch Terrace House anon

who /nofriends/ here?

>>84399233
I have loads of friends. Monica, Ross, Joe, Q, Murr, Sal, iDubbbz, Nostalgia Critic, YMS, Joe Rogan, 4chan, Mike, Jay, Twitch, IRC, Marky Mark, Discord, Frodo Baggins, PewdiePie, Shiggy Donatello, Joey, Chandler, Nicolas Cage, Female Celebrity Feet, BANE?, etc, etc, etc. The list is honestly endless.

>>84394620
Nice, a fellow cum boy. You should really try it OP, its like having a few rowdy friends that you would have been to scared to hang out with in highschool.

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>>84399506
How's life in Post-modern headspace? Gonna give up the endless devouring painting in paris shtick? A life fueled by vapid remix culture is a life trapped in time, your words will never adapt and your style will be remember like cybergoths of the nineties; a product of a cultural fear of the future

>>84395925

Just like everybody else dooooooes

>>84394412
sleepycabin podcast is my frend sim

>>84401473
You're confused. I am not postmodern. I am proto-pre-postmodern. My favourite books are Guargantua and Pantagruel and Tristram Shandy. What you think is me being meta, post-modern, self-referential, ironic, is me just being silly. It I am, in truth, Medieval. I have more in common with Shakespeare than Kafka. Shhh, shhh.

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>>84401976
Spoken like a true dadaist, the post-modernist theology has pulled you into the sun. Your self-awareness still stings from the sunburns, does it not? The truth about the media you identify with is misguided by your missing self-awareness. You may think it's fun to be post-modern today, but your fever pitch in written form suggests you're adaptable, and once romanticism returns into your life, you will change your parlance. Get a hobby and quit the voyeurism, it's unhealthy for the creative mind

>>84402328
You invoke a demon, my man, when you stand upon your pulpit to speak your fiery truth. Even if it is true, it is spoken as a demon-prophet, not as a man. You think yourself wise, and that is infinitely worse than what I am doing, which is silly, seeing myself as silly. See this? This post here. For in truth, brother, is it postmodern or am I just satirizing you to make you seem silly because it amuses? Words, words - what are words? Phrases. Categories or being. A priori categories into which flood the essence of being - the Kantian origins of all romanticism, no? Aye, brother. Aye. But should we not avert our eyes from the eternalities of the world and look inwards? Yes, inwards... into the void.

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>>84402475
I'll indulge you as you indulge me; your post is not a question of is it postmodern or satire, as they both have origins within the same factitious poets before our time. I know this because you and I are from the same cloth. I worry for you, as a disciple who has lost faith in this world of anonymity and remix, as you are just diluting your thoughts with the silly and forgetting the truth of your lineage. Brother, we are heading into a new age where false-prophets are on the rise. My fiery truth will be snuffed in due time

>>84403179
I know my Faith, Sir, and I know it better than you, Sir - better than you could know ANYTHING, Sir. I wos Christianed at the Abbey of Thelema. No, not Crowley. Do not even mention his name to me - it sickens me. I mean pre-Crowley, of course. "We're not so different, you and I..." but then, inherent in every thesis is its own antithesis, and inherent in them together is their synthesis (don't say it, for I already anticipate what you will say). I have not lost the True Faith, and I remain Steadfastly True Now as ever I did wit these Evacuations a Testament. Ok? And if you are going to Indulge me, please do it with your Mouth.

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>>84403371
wonderful

>>84394624
back to watch your reddit letter media