Rock's been in a ton of shit movies in his career and he

>>83286411

Scott Manz BTFO,

>>83286411
just got back from Viewing this Comedy Kino

I can confirm its a urinating good time for the whole family.

There I was sitting in the dark theater. Wearing my Jean Shorts and Sandals (my regular theater fashion).
its a non stop laugh riot. actually its too many laughs because i missed some jokes when the entire audience were guffawing uncontrollably. About half way into the showing i felt a warn wet sensation on my bare feet. I looked down and noticed a steady stream of urine washing down over my feet.
By the third act the piss stream turned into a mighty cataract of warm yellow liquid

Who the fuck cares about Baywatch besides Americans though?

>>83286472

males who like tits, you fag.

>>83286411
he's trying to protect his costars

XDXD killer film 10/10 had lots of fun with the family!
#ComedyGold
I'm definitely gonna be watching this again!

if urine this thread with me then post your favourite scene from the movie

Son of the Beach remake with the rock when?

>>83286488
>americucks still don't know how to find porn on the internet
hahaha!

>>83286472
it was a massive hit around the planet back when it was on.

It was probably less popular in America than in many (shitty) parts of the world

raunchy

>>83286411
Isn't he one of the producers? Ofc he needs this film to do well or he won't get picked up to produce other films.

This isn't getting a sequel.
Doesn't Johnson understand live action movies that aren't part of tentpoles usually drop off 50% week after week? It's lucky to top $40 million domestic and $100 million worldwide.

Dwayne "passive aggressive" Johnson

>not having Kevin Hart as his sidekick

YA BLEW IT

What's with all the dumb piss jokes i see in every post?

Did these people go see the movie and there's lots of piss jokes in the movie or something?

>>83286712
The Rock spergs on twitter about how great this movie is and acts passive-agressive like a 14 year old girl.
Then a twitter screenshot from a literal who was posted here praising the movie, so /tv/ starts acting like ususal and post non stop ironical praise about that movie.
Then some anon started a thread how he pissed himself from laughter and now that is added to the meme.
Yeah, so basically reddid behavior as usual

>>83286712
>Lifeguards
>Piss
>Ocean

Makes sense.

>>83286712
I think Johnson retweeted some guy who said it was so funny he litterally peed himself a litte, or something like that.

Why do people like this roid monkey?

>>83286750
I fucking hate this place sometimes. Oh wow baywatch is a shitty mediocre movie, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS? We all knew this before it came out so why even bother posting and memeing about it?

>>83286411
>have the greatest tits in the history of hollywood at your disposal
>give her grandma-tier swimming suit

honestly, everyone deserves to die who was connected with the making and decisions of this movie

>the only nudity was the flaccid cock of a dead manequin

They had literal bombshells, one who had previously shown full frontal, and they still didn't show the big titties. No wonder it flopped.

>>83286920
>people having fun making dumb ironic posts
>I fucking hate this place sometimes
Then leave you shitfagnigger, you're ruining this board for the rest of us.

>>83286411
>R rated Baywatch
>Not a single tit in site
This is the most baffling decision ever made in human history.

>>83286411
Because The Rock is at the peak of his career and he wants to extend that moment as much as he can. That's why he's trying so hard to deny failure.

Why is it R-rated?

>>83287060
I was here before you reddit invaders showed up. You leave.

>>83287154

harsh language, sexual references, blood and violence, there's a scene from the redband where a guy explodes and his bloody hand hits Zac and Rock is like "keep that for good luck"

>>83287154
Americans can't handle lots of swimwear and cursing, I guess.

>>83286411
Because he probably had a lot of fun making it and wants a franchise.

The rock makes fun movies and seems not to prefer serious dramatic/political roles.

>>83287481
>seems not to prefer serious dramatic/political roles.

Probably because they all flopped when he tried

>>83286920
>not understanding the meme
0/10 not raunchy

>>83286411
>Thumbs-up emoji is brown
What the hell did he mean by this?

>>83287632

>I'm black when it's useful

All I know is bring a kayak with you to the theaters, because you're gonna be white water rafting in urine to get out of the theaters.... it's that frickin funny guys. R Rated funnies for the fans

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WHO IS THIS ROODY-POO I SEE BEFORE ME?

>>83286662
kek

>>83286488
>no female nudity
>full frontal male nudity

>>83286411
the rock is right. shitty movies hit hard in china.

>>83286602
Ha, yeah it doesn't really connect with the critics. We go WORLDWIDE next week. The FANS have been waiting for a R-rated raunchy lil flick like this. and let me tell you the theater was electric. People clapping at appropriate times. Lotsa laughs! some Piss ;) Its just wild and the FANS are really loving this r-rated comedy movie. Critics just dont get it. Keep CRUSHIN IT and see ya on the top brotha!

>>83286549
>It was probably less popular in America than in many (shitty) parts of the world

this
eastern europe here, can confirm

The Rock and the entire cast of Baywatch (2017) sure know how to write a good wholesome R-Rated Summer Comedy! The part where the fat guy was eatting donuts to contrast the toned body of Zac Effron was a comedic treat!

I pissed myself with laughter! Critics just don't understand The Rock's genius.

why is zac effron suddenly relevant?

>>83286920
>>83287060
>>83287617
fuck memes, seriously. this is even based on shit that an actor said on twitter of all places. who are these shitposters? Nobody should give that many fucks about a shitty US blockbuster. I get the ghostbusters meming, but this is just unnecessary.

>>83286411
>How come this is the hill he wants to die on?
Financial stake, he produced it and paid to get the script rewritten a few times

>>83288756
I know Germany fucking loved it because of The Hoff. It was the first country to release the full series on DVD uncut unlike the American releases

>>83288756
>eastern europe
>having TVs in the 90s

>>83286411

He has a point

This will probably do well in foreign markets. Baywatch was exported to just about every country and has a huge follow in europe and asia.

>>83286928
One piece swimsuits are amazingly hot on women with huge tits, what the fuck are you talking about.
>waah waah I only want bikinis like the 12 year old I am

>>83286495
Based Rock putting over younger talent.

>>83286411
>how come this i sthe hill he wants to die on?

Because he thought he was hot shit and drank the koolaid. Now that he can't go back to Fast and Furious he has nothing. He has to make this movie look great or people will find the next action star that's younger.

>>83286928
Daddario's got nothing on 90s baywatch stars.

>>83287846
>ROODY-POO

Go back to bed grandpa

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>>83286544
Americucks can, which is why this is doing so badly. Wait till it hits some more DESIGNATED areas of the world, though.

>>83286488
What is porn?

>>83289575
one piece can be hot, but hers isn't

>>83289743
>Now that he can't go back to Fast and Furious
Don't get my hopes up, what do you mean by this?

>>83289575
Ugh, it makes their pubic area look long.

>>83286549
>>83286472
Let's not forget how popular Hasselhoff was in Germany.

>>83290034
He's feuding with vin diesel but it doesn't matter because the rock and statham are getting their own spinoff series

>>83286411

I really can't think of a rock movie that was shit. even the rundown was fun.

He rarely seems genuinely invested in his movies. He probably really liked this one.

>>83290222
This. Anyone that talks shit about the Rock can get the people's elbow. Fuckin roody-poos.

>>83290222
>>83290357
This. His movies are insanely FUN and I honestly pee myself anytime I watch one. great FUN for the whole family

>>83287227
That's sad. I know the original Baywatch didn't have full tits shown but come the fuck on. At least have a joke or some scene where a bikini top is accidentally undone.

It's because he's going to run for president and doesn't want to be seen as a loser. When he saw that tweet he probably started pissing himself.

As did I, after watching the class 2017 Action/Comedy/Adventure-Mystery Baywatch.

Are there titties in it or nah?

Haha, who else took a swig of their famous GRANNY'S PEACH TEA while watching the HOTTEST AND RAUNCHIEST R RATED movie of the summer!

More like Gaywatch.

heh

>>83290565

it's apparently more sausage than veal

>>83290212
And who's going to get paid for a cameo? You know it's already happening

Vin is literally keeping Jasons and Rocks careers relevant.

>>83290635
>Vin is literally keeping Jasons and Rocks careers relevant.

And what does the Rock do to appreciate? He shits on Vin.

Vin the hero of this all.

He's unironically too cool for this to affect his popularity. It'll be just "that time The Rock was salty" and everything goes back to normal. If it was a woman, she would have acted passive aggressive in a way that she'd look batshit crazy and it would have ruined her image. Dwayne just come off as petty and childish which doesn't turn off people nearly as much.

He's not even a fraction as entertaining as when he was in WWF.

He should have continued doing movies like The Rundown and Walking Tall instead of horrible comedies, remakes sequels and hybrids thereof.

At least Stallone had Rocky and First Blood, Arnold had Terminator and Predator, Rock has yet to have an iconic movie.

>>83290989
This. Rock has failed to become the next great action star, unfortunately. And I was rooting for him. But he doesn't have that extra spark Sly and Arnie had, and the scripts he's gone for haven't helped.

>>83291316
You must be patient or just ROCKED. Everyone knew this 17 years ago.

>>83291316
You must be patient or just LE BOULDERED. Everyone knew this 17 years ago.

>>83286495
All I hear is he is tough to work. Steroids and all.

>>83286890
He has never once carried a film.

>>83291494
>>83291548
:( I had hope for DA ROC. Oh well

>>83287481
Yeah, we all go to the Rock for serious acting.

>>83287665
Ha

>>83288755
They shouldn't have that much electric if they're ankle deep in natural comedy urine.

>>83286411
He is a producer on this film. The success of it falls on him a lot more than normally. Plus the film has only JUST come out. He's still promoting it. The fact that he's doing this will undoubtedly get a few thousand people globally to buy tickets. I don't see why people are making such a big deal, it makes a lot of sense and it's expected really.

>>83289055
Because Dwayne Tweets #zaceffron every five minutes to call him an asshole like bros do.

>>83289575
Go back to sports illustrated, Zac.

It's blatant Satanism. They essentially fornicate on a beach for 90 minutes. The make and female form is reduced to a piece of meat and lowered from our original concept of God's image. It's Jewish Luciferianism mocking our divine creation.

>>83286472
I remember watching it some times during the night, when it would rerun, like 1am, 2am ish. Also Borat.

>>83291916
I collect these. I bet dude has posted thousands by now on every film imaginable.

When will they learn zaceffron isn't funny

>>83289507

The 90's was when they started getting TV's anon. It's partly why stuff like Baywatch was so big.

>>83292182
He's gay so hot = funny.

Buddy... We go WORLDWIDE next week. I understand it's easy to get the pitchforks and torches out but Jesus... Have some f*cking fun for once! #criticsbedamned

Whaa?

>>83291558
can you imagine the rock going off at you? literally a human silver back gorilla

>>83292896
Can you imagine him doing math? Probably like a silver back gorilla at that as well.

>>83293000

You think that one up all the time you spent getting your shit stomped, nerdboy?

>>83286411

he personally lobbied to get this movie made, along with jumanji and big trouble in little china

if this tanks hopefully little china doesn't get remade

>>83286411
How the fuck do you spend $60+ making a film about lifeguards?

>>83286461
>Today was bliss

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>>83293629
Lol, it just came to me.

>>83290635
Woah there dude, what does Vin has to do with Meg?
Jason is doing just fine.

>>83292177
Can you post your collection in a single image?

>>83286411
why didn't they just make a tv show? i mean, who the fuck wants to see baywatch as a movie? the show was great because it was thirty minutes of skin, sun, surf, solving crimes, etc. Fuck them for ruining the chance at a tv show reboot

30 million opening in USA alone for a 60 million budget sounds fine

>>83291316
The Rock always tried too hard in his movies. Maybe it's just how action movies are made in this millennium, but it's all flash and no substance. It's just being cocky and not collected and confident.

I don't come to /tv/ often. Why do you guys keep meming about "R-rated comedy"? What's wrong with an R-rating for a comedy? There are tons of funny movies with that rating, so I don't get the meme.

>>83296018
we wanted to see Mammario's mamas

>>83290989
>Rock has yet to have an iconic movie
I'll take "The Scorpion King" for $100, Alex.

Rocky should never have left the ring. He isn't going over in Hollywood. And why the fuck do people keep referring to piss when talking about Baywatch? Is there a urination scene or something?

>>83287227
Maybe if they dialed it back and made it PG-13, it would made more money maybe?

>>83296245
>a Mummy spin-off movie

Try again.

>>83296253
The answer is in this thread. Ctrl-F, nigga.

>>83286750
I hoped we had a scene where Daddario peed herself in her swimsuit. Guess they just lost a sold ticket

>>83296289
>PG-13 movies have a wider audience than R
>Maybe it would've made more money
Hmmmmmm

>>83296355
Well I mean it's Baywatch, who really wants to see it in the first place?
That's why I dunno if a wider audience would take in more money.

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>>83296344

>>83286920
It's funny BECAUSE absolutely anyone could have predicted that it would flop and they still made it anyway. It's The Lone Ranger, Dark Shadows, Ben Hur, Power Rangers, etc. all over again. Reboots of shit that modern audiences don't care about.

>>83296289
>>83296355

Sounds more like instead of going for the sexy babes angle they went full on for the 21 Jump Street stuff focusing on Zac and Rock.

>>83296425
I think the big question is why are TV SHOWS being rebooted as movies? i'd have watched a modern lone ranger or baywatch, but fucking buying a ticket and going to a theater. it just doesn't work for me

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>>83286495

Rock is Alpha. He will shred those who hurt his clan. Based Rock. I will watch your movies, even if they are shit, because I love you like a Bro.

>>83296554

Everybody wants to be part of something

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i give this film 8 piss jars out of ten

>>83296490
cash grab
it's quicker and easier to make a move then a show and they can get it in front of an international audience

>>83287154
They showed a guys dick when they dress up as doctors. It's out for a good while. Wasn't even remotely funny

>>83296779
*make a movie than a show

>>83291752
if you keep talking urine the german market will expand

>>83296801
This makes homosexual movie critics uncomfortable.

>>83286411
Is this the end of the rock?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUk_kzFl2Ec/?hl=en

Will he be okay, bros?

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I wanted to fucking die this movie was horrible.

Here's my retarded review
>Missed the opening scene cause I was running late
>Open with the Rock going around the beach being a cunt
>We're introduced to the TERRIBLY UNFUCKINFUNNY black cop who adds nothing to the story
>Meet the hot girls (luckily the blonde has a really nice ass cause her face is 5/10, kinda looks like Pamela...Now though)
>We meet the Jewish out of shape guy who clearly is here thanks to Josh Gad.
>His dick gets stuck in a folding chair cause he was trying to hide his boner in front of discount Pamela who has an interest in him (MUST BE SCIENCE FICTION)
>Dick joke last what feels like 20 minutes
>move on to introduce Zach Efron (Brody)
>Parks his bike in the middle of the fuckin road like a cunt and he's acting cool
>Was an Olympic athlete who got drunk the night before of his big meet and was puking while swimming calling him the "Vomit Commit" (it's referenced one other time)
>There's a tryout to be a life guard
>Thousands of in shape people apply
>GUESS WHO GETS THE FUCKIN JOB?!
>Out of shape Jew who "doesn't give up"? I'd rather have an in shape guy who can swim and save my fuckin life than a out of shape fuck trying to save me then die halfway through the ocean.
>Oh there's another girl with blue eyes who's cute and Brody's love interest
>Brody doesn't wanna try out but ends up doing it cause he doesn't have a place to live
>He makes it and so does blue eye and Jew
>The Rock saves people from the burning boat (pretty much the trailer but longer)
>CGI FIRE MY GOD!
>Brody fucks up cause he doesn't listen
>They go back and he's learning to be on the team

AND HERE IS WHERE THE FUCKIN MOVIE FALLS OFF A FUCKING CLIFF.

1/2

You think this might just be a calculated move to (feebly) advertise the movie?

>>83286750
>Yeah, so basically reddid behavior as usual
But that's been 4chan behavior from the start.

>>83297398
2/2

It was shit to begin with but at least it stayed confined to the beach cause they're lifeguards.

Now some Mayor is murdered by the "Oh wow she's evil?" bitch and THE WHOLE FUCKIN MOVIE TURNS INTO FINDING OUT WHO MURDERED HIM AND ALSO THERE'S METH BEING SOLD!

You'd think this would be just a small section of the movie but no it revolved around the entire fucking film

It's shit I'm being a fucking fag because I was forced to see this gay fuckin shit.

Fuck the writers, fuck the directors fuck everyone who was a part of this piece of shit may they all burn in hell.

>>83286488
They get a lot more tits on TV everywhere else in the world.

>>83297398
>>83297502

So basically instead of crude humor with tons of titties you get Baywatch:JuddApatow edition?

>>83297398
>>83297502

Quality review.

Would read further reviews from you.

>>83290989
The Rundown. Criminally underrated buddy action comedy.

>>83297398
Ignore this hot head critic, fans are LOVING #BaywatchMovie

>>83298118
>fans
I keep seeing this word. Fans of what? Which fans does he refer to when he says fans love it? Pre-existing fans of the show? Or is he saying people who liked the movie liked the movie?

>>83287481
Gridiron gang was God tier though, try again faggot

>>83286411
Passion project. He really liked working on it, he really liked watching it.

>>83298411

He really doesn't like the idea of it going up in smoke, after he really liked spending money on it.

Looks like overexposure has finally hit Dwayne "The Closeted Fag" Johnson

>>83298976
You let your eyes linger in one dp and suddenly everyone thinks you're a fag

>>83297398
>>83297502
I un-ironically think this sounds good. I want to watch it now

>>83286411
He must have a backend deal

File: based trump.gif (3MB, 320x320px) Image search: [Google]

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I love that he just keeps going. He won't let critics have the last word. This guy just might be our president in 7 years.

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>>83291916
>>83292177

Is that a youtube comment?

>>83290112
who told you that? wtf

>>83299951

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/rambling-reporter/why-baywatch-star-david-hasselhoff-is-big-germany-1006554

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>>83299951

I probably should have saw this instead of that piece of fucking shit, Alien Covenant

Is this the raunchiest R-rated movie of all time?

>>83286488
nigga baywatch was never about tits

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>>83300602

>>83286411

The movie honestly isn't that bad

it's okay

>>83287846
Rock is such a cunt its not even funny. Then he goes out to say he wants to be POTUS. What a fucking bloated ego on the guy seriously. Altruists for pres only pls.

>>83287632
He's black?

>>83300821
He is when he feels the need to be black to be more likeable. If they were lynching niggers tomorrow he'd tell you he's the whitest motherfucker you know.

>>83297398
>>83297502
Guess you just aren't a true FAN

>>83300821
He's half Samoan and half black

>>83300821
Allegedly

>>83297961
It's called "Welcome to the jungle" but yes you're right.

>>83296018
GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN

ITS
NOT
TOO
LATE

>>83301035
>It's called "Welcome to the jungle"

Maybe in Europe, but it's called the Rundown in the US, it's original title being Helldorado.