>be at the local kinoplex >waddle towards the pre order

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>Black Panther
>Diverse

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>put my penis in the cinematic penis scanner
>get a boner
>stuck in the hole

>>83103242
>put my penis in the cinematic penis scanner
>get a boner
>didn't get stuck
>girls behind in line start giggling
>Robert gives emphatic yet embarrassed smile

>>83103006
I wouldn't be surprised if they had assigned seating for whites in the back

>>83103242
the chinese cinetrap

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>stand in front of the cinematic penis scanner
>start to panic
>while no one is looking I insert my falcon
>entire machine starts to light up
>employees gasp and applaud
>"wow, very impressive, sir! Feathery and robust"
>they give me an extra bag of popcorn

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>in line to buy a ticket for King Arthur
>get picked out to test the popcorn
>they lead me to the popcorn mines
>try a salty popcorn
>it's alright
>they give me a sweet popcorn
>tell them I don't like sweet popcorn
>they all gasp in disbelief and start mumbling to eachother
>the popcorn golem awakes and grabs me
>forces me to eat a whole barrel of sweet popcorn
>have to serve 6 months in the mines
>King Arthur isn't showing anymore when I get out

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>go to local kinoplex
>rent mobility scooter for the low price of $499.99
>order jumo crabs legs
>extra peanut butter for my falcon
>don't need to do penis inspection because I'm too fat for the grill to find it
>Film starts
>enjoying the diversity
>suddenly, designated shooter goes off early
>try to escape
>stuck because obese
>get shot
>get winched into ambulance
>don't have insurance
>they charge me $30,000,000.02 to tip some antibiotic on the wound ad slap a band aid on it
>mfw I spilt my crab legs
>mfw I never saw the end of the diversity avengers

>going to see blade runner 2049
>floor of the hallway have been replaced by a giant knife that you have to run on the edge of without falling down into the kino abyss below

>>83103512
this sooo much lmao
whities CAN NOT be trusted
do not be fooled

>>83103611
I remember everything from this meme except the falcon

How did that start?

>>83103718
i wish i'd seen this post earlier. i failed the blade run and fell into the manlet funnel like a tear in rain

>put my phone in the cinematic penis scanner
>it's fine, my inspector penis app syncs up
>enjoy Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul as intended

>>83103771
On Ratchan they would post how they went to the cinema, and the designated hawk would pick them off during the most tense part of the films. Followed by 'you're probably wondering how I got here..''
/tv/ just picked up from there and changed the hawk to a falcon

>>83103709
I was once picked out to be the designated shooter.
I was so nervous that I forgot to take the safety off.
You guys will never know how embarrassing it is when the entire theatre laughs at you as impotently keep pulling the trigger and nothing happens.

>>83103888
Reminds me of sex

>>83103707
My local theater just assigned a new golem, and it's pregnant apparently. How do I deal with popcorn golemites?

>>83103873
>Ratchan
I've been behind on the memes apparently.

>>83104098
I just made that up, anon. I don't know where the meme came from

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>>83104169
>He thinks he made up Ratchan

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>>83104204
Am I a meme?

>>83103709
>mfw I spilt my crab legs

you're not american. fuck off

>take my seat for an Rifftrax ICE AGE 3/ Despicable Me 2 double feature
>The lights dim and the speaker instructs people to the location of the exits and that the arm rest to the right is for your use only
>Regal First Look begins to play
>Boo's from the crowd prompt the prejectionist to skip past FirstLook
>crowd cheers/claps
>local girl scouts come in and set up a table with cookies and hand made items for our consideration to buy
>love those girls
>Ray romano comes on the screen
>"hey movie fans its me ray romano from everybody loves raymond, were gonna get started in a bit but i just want to let you guys know to shut off your cell phones. Without further a DoooOoo *crowd chuckles* lets start the flick.
>ray extends his hand in an "air five"
>everybody air fives back

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>visit a rare north korean kinoplex
>it's just a popcorn mine

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>put penis in penis scanner
>"sir, you have herpes"

These threads are dumb and you're all stupid

>>83105373
*your

>>83103006
Not gonna lie, I willingly let Robert fuck my wife on a semi-annual basis in exchange for free extra butter on special occasions

>>83103867

How do you get a counterfeit penis app in 2017?

Are you a drug dealer?

>>83103006
>>83103452
>>83106257
>tfw named Robert
Can I apply at the local Kinoplex?

>>83105373
Who's stupider, the frog or the contrarian that shows up and bumps the thread anyway?

Ive learned a nifty trick for the showers. Tuck it in and sing goodbye horses so if you have a small benis, no one will know. If its big you'll have a tail so no one looks.
>>83103888
I feel your pain. I had to have a disabled girlscout take the sagety off for me and after we high fived i finally got to shoot. They clapped when the shooting finally happened.

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>>83103512
>not wanting whites in the front so you can keep an eye out for theater shooters