>Go with a girl from Uni to the Cinema >Buy our tickets

lmao did you actually not buy one before going to uni
are you retarded or did your parents just not love you

>>82676605

I never normally go because I don't have any friends.

Why do you need a liscense to watch films???

>>82677259

A TV license is basically just a letter that lets you go the cinema. It costs £179 a year and the money goes to funding British films.

>go to theater
>watch movie
>leave

WTF?k

>>82676554
did she rip a wet fart?

>>82677259
What the fuck in the land of the free we can just
>buy ticket
>watch movie

Haha you stupid brits

>>82677381

>TV

Shit I meant Cinema, but yeah it's the same thing basically

>>82677544
>pretending we don't have to have a friend with us

Hang on what the fuck are you on about? I'm a brit and I've never heard of this before

File: 1412570828592.jpg (17KB, 400x386px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 400x386px

>>82676554

>finally asking the cute girl next door if she wants to go to the cinema with me
>she says yes and wants to see Get Out
>buy tickets
>random cinema license inspection
>never bought a licence
>ohshit.jpg
>two black inspectors want our licenses
>girl has one
>everyone is looking at me
>uuuhm... i forgot my licence in the shower... uuh hehe maybe we can settle this outside?
>wink at girl, she looks disgusted
>go with the inspectors to the shower
>say i dont have a licence and beg them not to through me out
>they want to fuck me in the ass and say they will let it go
>let them fuck me
>go back
>girl drooling over black male lead
>wow anon this guy is so cute, reminds me of Jamal from next door
>dont even care anymore at this point

File: 1461346789753.jpg (48KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 600x600px

Live in Ireland, it's the same shit here

Absolute bullocks that a Telly license doesn't double as a cinema license in my honest opinion.

I don't want to hear you Brits complain. You don't even have Manlet pits.

>>82677804
>why can't I use my drivers license to fly a plane

That's what you sound like retard

>>82677847

Yeah but Falcons are illegal in the UK as they may be used as a deadly weapon.

I just want a bird buddy to watch kino with

>>82676554
Sorta related but actually true

>Go on iplayer
>Click on Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final Two
>Get greeted with pop up
>YOU'LL SOON NEED TO SIGN IN TO WATCH
>wtf
>is this some tv licensing bullshit
>turns out it is - https://arstechnica.co.uk/tech-policy/2017/05/iplayer-login-tv-licence-fee-dodging/
>E-mail addresses used to login to the iPlayer will be matched with records kept by TV Licensing to see if individuals are dodging the £145.50 fee to watch content, the BBC said
>The BBC tells people signing up to the iPlayer service that it automatically collects their data. It slurps a user's IP address, browser and device type, and a unique identifier. It rather opaquely adds that "we share some of your personal data with TV Licensing, to see if you are using BBC iPlayer and to keep their database up to date."
>It additionally asks users to enter their e-mail address, password, gender, and postcode.
>The BBC also want to use this data for targeted ads
> Based on what we know about you, we may also show you adverts about BBC products and services on other websites, such as Facebook, Google, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. For instance, to let you know about a new programme you might like.
>Find all this very distressing
>Phone up my doctor to report this to him, because I don't know what else to do
>cannot get through because of massive cyberhack on NHS

It's been a shit day. I don't even know if I'll be able to enjoy Eurovision tomorrow.

the cinema inspector doesn't really check your liscence in much detail lad
just buy a fake one from the black market like I did, only been caught once, but the one £500 fine is still better than the £120 a month you'd have to pa

>>82678290
What the fuck is a cinema inspector? You just pay for the ticket and watch the movie don't you? I've never heard of this

>>82676554
atleast you don't have a fucking mandatory clap inspector in your theater, gets fucking tiring to clap for the entire film or get shot

>>82678013
That's not the reason you dumbass. The fatality rate for falcons during daily longbow practice was so high that the RSPB got the owning of falcons banned.

>>82678594
I thought it was the post trailer joust that cause the most falcontalities.

>>82678594

Mate you may be too young to remember but back in the 90s there was a massive problem of inner city kids using falcons to attack each other. Stephen Lawrence was killed in a falcon attack which lead to loads of media complaints that falcons were racist and needed to be banned.

>>82678213
lmao living in eurocuckland sounds like hell

>>82678730
>britain
>europe
not any more!

am i the only one that thinks this stopped being funny like a year ago at least? is there any chance we can move on to something else, surely we are creative enough to make a new meme. This one has been taken as far as it is ever going to go, and has been beaten into the ground.

I know i know, where do i think i am etc etc. I tried

File: Mosley.jpg (50KB, 650x951px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 650x951px

>Can't go alone to cinema in US
>Can't go to cinema without special licence in UK
Anglos never ceases to amaze me

>>82678919
What the fuck are you taking about, this may be a problem for the poorfags like me...fucking hell these spoiled brats nowadays

File: OP is a faggot 1.jpg (25KB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 500x281px

>>82676554
>didn't bother buying one

>Go to see GotG2 by myself.
>Theater is sold out, which means Ushers manually assign seats to everyone.
>Ushers filling up every single seat.
>Chief Usher is some mean old bitch. Insists everyone must sit Guy-Girl. No guys next to each other.
>It's capeshit, so its a sausage fest.
>Gets to me "No seat for you unless you get a vagina or grow one."
>I tell her I am legally classified as Polygender.
>She thinks on it... this just might work?
>She tells me to fuck off.
>Whip out my lawyer's business card (fake) and threaten her.
>She gets spooked, and seats me between two dudes.
>One dude shares his Red Vines and tries to hold my hand.
>Most action I've gotten in months.

All in all, a good day.

>>82676554
A cinema license only £80 a month or £959.99 for an annual pass. You brought this upon yourself commie.

Wow, yuroshits actually need cinema licenses now?

>>82680596

We use it to fund kino like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yEy1zPEhyc

>>82676554
Cinema license is reasonably priced and supports the local films industry

>>82676554
This is a joke mocking the brit tv license Right?
Right guys?
Please Tell me this is a joke

File: maxresdefault.jpg (50KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 1280x720px

>>82677259
>>82677410
>>82677544
>>82677724
>>82678332
>>82680596

>/tv/ is actually this stupid

Is this a containment board?

File: FsDrg0BoZ3ZnJTZbVTKF6JdEovJ-zSva1A3mmYdc9_4.png (413KB, 811x767px) Image search: [Google]

413KB, 811x767px

>Minding my own business, out shopping.
>Pop into appliance store to look for a new kettle for tea making purposes (mine is covered in limescale).
>Buy it, asked for email address for receipt.
>Think nothing of it.
>28 days later, £1000 fine.

They were also selling TVs and one of them was tuned to "Saturday Kitchen". They've got me on CCTV glancing at it but I don't remember.

>>82676554
>Cinema License inspection

would you mind giving me a quick rundown?

>>82678213

just get a vpn, you can get a good one for like 30 or 40 bucks a year

Guys how can I pass the practical part of the cinema license?

>>82680928
>he thought we were being genuine

TOP NEWFAG

>>82676554
>watching Guardians of the Galaxy 2
You deserved it.

>>82681066
Why would I get a UK vpn for a UK service? Iplayer bans all non uk IPs.

Which is something else I hate. When I was in Toronto I couldn't even watch it or use it. If you pay for Netflix you can watch Netflix in other countries. You pay your tv license you leave the UK you lose all access. What a country.

File: Kino Experiences - Falcon Escape.png (20KB, 748x229px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 748x229px

>>82678013
Amerifag here. It's not all it's cracked up to be, Eurobro.

>>82681099

I fucked up on constantly tapping my restless legs during the motionless sitting practical. Make sure you practice standing up straight enough to let the beautiful BBW to walk in the mock up isle and make no contact, if you do you'll be thrown out and given a 6 point penalty on your license. Good luck bro.

Cinema licenses are bullshit anyway. They're used in conjunction with most theater's No Singles policies.


Essentially if you're single they stamp a big fat "SINGLE" message on your license so cinemas can discriminate against you

>>82681395
Good VPN services give you a fuckton to use all round the world retard.

>>82677764
I'm glad this post went over 2 hours without a single reply because seeing the (You) is going to make you excited but I'm here to tell you that you are not funny in the least and to never try making a humorous post ever again.

>>82681501
We don't have no singles policies in the UK, they know we are a nation of virgins.

Not the women though.

>>82681395
Get PIA (Private Internet Access).
>flat 40 bucks a year
>killswitch integration (should your VPN dc during torrenting it autokills the process)
>options to tunnel through certain countries/regions
>promo codes for "X% off your subscription" through Reddit/r/privateinternetaccess

I've been using it for about 6 years & I've had zero complaints. Used to use Hidemyass which was decent & comparably priced/featured

>girl from class asks me to see gotg2 with her
>she used to date a black guy who doesn't go to school here anymore but fuck it she's sorta cute and i'm not marrying the bitch
>buy tickets and enter the theatre
>see it's random penis inspection day
>notice jayqwaun the popcorn mongor is doing the inspections which is odd
>date is standing with me in line which is cool because maybe seeing my hog will make her horny
>i'm next up and begin to unfasten my handcrafted assasins creed belt buckle that i bought from etsy loudly so she notices how nice it is
>mentally prepare myself for small talk with inspector as to not show any autism
>sup jay, i didn't know you were an inspector
>"yeah man but i only do it when we're.."
>he looks down
>"short.."
>he laughs to himself and pats my back hard and says "you good dawg"
>stumble forward while trying to shove my chub back in my cargos
>turn around and see the girl and jay smiling at each other

she left half way through the film because of an "emergency" and hasn't answered my texts. i didn't even think the movie was that bad.

>>82681829
lel

>>82678408
Protip: Opt-in as a backup Theater Shooter. They put you up in the second string Crow's Nest and you don't have to clap since, at any moment, you may have to open fire.

Sucks having to watch an entire movie through an optical scope though

>>82678703
Ah, the good old days. Back when renting a Falcon flat & monthly Kino Falcon insurance was merely optional

The times, they are'a changin'

>>82680796
google it :) and then report back so you can tell me how many seconds it took you to realize you are a fucking retard

File: america burger.gif (2MB, 426x394px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 426x394px

>>82678919
>Excuse me, please stop doing X in a thread about X that I chose to enter kthxbb

>Go to cinema with a friends
>Some guy doing a weird pose blocks the entrance
>Uh you can't bring friends, he says
>They are not my friends
>Wtf dude what's wrong with you
>They leave
>He lets me enter
>Enjoy Boss Baby in total solitude

File: 1455681431726.jpg (1MB, 1462x1462px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1462x1462px

>>82681829

>>82681501
When will this end? we should go on the streets and riot
#singlelivesmatter

>>82677602
>he isn't the designated theater shooter at his local cinema to get all the sweet benefits like getting around the no singles policy

File: 10zpkh.jpg (81KB, 622x595px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 622x595px

>>82677764
this bullshit actually made mi giggle fuck you

File: 1GNM7X8.png (69KB, 844x1157px)

69KB, 844x1157px

>>82681617
>be me
>want to watch GOTG2
>head over to local cinema
>really just a field with a movie projected on the side of the truck
>taken over by a new paramilitary group so I have to pay double
>managed to make it past the gypsy camp that serves as the consession stand only being pickpoketed 5 times and almost mauled by the dancing bear
>nationalist punches popcorn out of my hands and shouts "no more Turkish popcorn will be made from posavina's golden corn"
>priest is ten minutes late to bless the film
>only gets halfway through the liturgy of kino (as ordained by Patriarch Micheal) before he is shot by an Albanian
>at least the movie can start
>accordion playing through the whole film
>missed the end because refugees moved in front of the screen to get to Germany
>"cinema" gets another million euros of EU funding
overall I rate 8/10

>>82682726
didn't mean to reply to
>>82681617

>>82678919
I, for one, am thrilled to see it make a comeback. It's my favorite on this board.

>heading out to the cinema
>mom stops me and asks me to bring my little brother
>he suffers from severe down's syndrome and is only my half brother
>reluctantly ask if he would want to accompany me to the theatre
>"oh yeah bro i'm ALWAYS DOWN" while giving a thumbs up
>he says this in response to almost anything for the last 6 years because it made us all laugh once before
>not sure if he even realizes why we found it funny that one time
>whatever
>arrive at the cinema and it's the penis inspection opening ceremony
>of all fucking days
>ringmaster challenges the crowd for someone to step forward for initial inspection which is performed publically on stage for everyone to see
>before i can stop him my little brother shouts his catch phrase
>hooded druids appear behind us and drag him to the stage
>the crowd chants for him to reveal his dirty little retard dick
>he has no idea what to do and shows everyone his asshole instead
>ringmaster begins whipping him and demanding he take out his dick
>brother is confused and upset now and starts spreading his cheeks even harder, hands shaking from straining so hard
>more whipping
>crowd begins to throw consessions in a riot
>the whole theatre is in disarray
>someone opened the falcon cages and bird shit is landing everywhere
>security grabs my arm and asks if i'm that retard's handler
>get thrown in the barracks for three months with my brother who's newest bad habit is spreading his ass cheeks as hard as he can when you ask him a question
>miss his old catchphrase

i still haven't seen suicide squad

>>82682726
lmao

>>82682726
wow where the heck to you live?

>>82678919
Just go to a different thread dude. Theres plenty

File: 1395688761991.png (14KB, 646x720px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 646x720px

>get some needle nose pliars
>break the chains on all the poop scissors in the cinema bathroom and steal them
>come back a couple hours later after the film
>see shit leaking into the hallway because the toilets can't handle people's monster turds