>"Do you want some Sloth Fur Sauce with those Crab Legs,

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Theater experiences thread?

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Do you throw your popcorn at the designated shooter?

>>82664544
newfag

>heading in to watch The Good Dinosaur
>remembered my Adult Male Non-Pedophile Confirmation card so I could legally attend and got the back of my hand stamped with a "SAFE" mark
>forgot to buy seat insurace and get forced into the standing section
>mfw realizing it was Exercise Day as the theater treadmills activated

>>82664653
>Do you throw your popcorn at the designated shooter?
Well how else would I get my participation award?

>>82664520
Who the fuck are you? Where is Robert? I want to talk to your manager.

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>>82665937
[Warm, Deep Narrator's voice]
This is Robert's house. He works at the cinema. Today he is at home with his wiffffe, watching the newwwww -

*record scratch*
*freeze frame*

"Whatchu doin', you pansy-ass white boay? LEVA MY HUBBA ALONE"

>>82666820
That looks like Robert in a weave wig
Hmmmmm

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>Enter Kinoplex™
>Greeted by this

Which movie, /tv/?

>Go see GoTG 2
>Some faggot keeps playing NBA Jam on the complimentary arcade cabinets

>>82664520
No bull spunk for dipping? Of course not! You're a lil White boi, I will only be served by Robert

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>>82666944
SSSorry, sir, your account maxes out at $400, but a packet of Bull Spunk (Enriched with secret oils™(sold separately)) costs $400.99.

You need to pay the $5000 fine if you wantto have some.

GUYS THE MOVIE STARTS IN 15 MINUTES AND I NEED SOMEONE FOR THE NO SINGLES POLICY
HELP

the fuck is a kinoplex

>>82666974
A packet? This is completely ridiculous! Everyone knows you get your spunk fresh, from the source

>>82667056
Hello newfag

>>82667095
What am I supposed to put it in my hand?
It's fresh but you have to put in something and that something is a packet or your whore wife and we both know that wouldn't be a first
So pay your fine or kindly move the fuck along

wtf i want the nigger back

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>>82667095
>>82667150
What seems to be the problem here gentlemen?

>>82667200
Er nothing Robert
N-nothing

>>82665241
>Going to see Moana
>get all my Adult Male Non-Pedophile Confirmation card paperwork done online so I'm ready to go
>Sit in my seat with my crablegs
>whole row in front of me is full of young girls with seemingly no adult accompaniment
>all have nice colourful, pastel coloured hair
>what seems to be the leader turns around at me, sniggers
>turns back and talks to her friends, they all giggle
>this happens a few times during the film and I get a little uncomfortable
>on my way out the whole row of girls surround me as we all walk out
>all smug looking and whispering in my ear
>we get outside and the leader tells me she has rock cds and beer in their van
>'c-cool! I-I like beer!' I say, pressured into going with them
>they end up pinning me down in the back of the van and cuddle me until we fall asleep
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5q-ZaW9f-k

FUCKING GAMESTOP

>>82664520
anyone have that map of the kinoplex? I lost mine

>>82667038
Where you at?

Just give me my usual Kopi Luwak, I'll be in the Kinöcafé™ if you need me. I have things to shitpost about.
>Sorry sir but the cinémæ association decided to change the bylaws of the Kinöpléx™. Now you must be accompanied by at least 1 (one) friend and you have to see at least one (1) movie in order to use the Kinöcafé™.
He's fucking lying. The reception moolinyan has it out for me. What do I do?

>>82667200
fuggggggggggggggggg

ourguy /robert/ got promoted?

>>82667200
Damn Robert, you done came up! How about you slide a nigga some free tickets?

>>82664520
>y-you too

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>get the monorail to the kinotorium
>line up for the xray machine
>finally get through
>converse with concierge using the approved flash cards only
>concierge has to call in his buddy to appraise the watch i'm trying to exchange for the viewing room entry passes
>eventually get granted access to the vacuum tubes *vwoomb*
>*pop* get plopped down in my designated seating area
>have to sit through pre-screening magic show
>service droid rolls past, order a large air fried maize and 2 litre approved beverage
>movie finally about to start
>bells right out
>oh boy oh boy
>greased up pigs are released into the room
>man on unicycle pedals in singing the kinotorium's national anthem
>"vir bicht kino vir bicht kino das i love" we all chant
>computer alerts me i am not chanting correctly
>the claw comes down from the roof and picks me out of my seat
>get dropped into the exit shaft
>land in the dumpster outside
>kino police put a mark on my record
>still haven't seen power rangers

>>82666820
>robert's wife
>not my white wife

something doesn't add up here

>>82667726
You should be disappointed with the time you wasted writing something as unfunny as this.

>>82665241
>go to see kid movie marathon at comet pizza
>go thru secret door to basement
>enter secret door to Washington tunnels
>watch movie
>go home

>>82667777
joke's on you, my mum wrote it for me

>>82667790
good one