>"Sell me this pen." How do you respond? No, really.

>>82353005

Wanna join the pen fifteen club?

>buy this or I'll shove it up your ass

Or just ask for their autograph or something

"Can you write something down for me real quick?"

>no I need a pen

etc. etc.

>>82353040
>>82353080
>just picks up another of the million pens he has on his deck

>>82353005
Take the pen, then ask
"Can I see the pen you have now?"
Then you snap that pen in half and say "looks like you need a new pen."
Then you walk out of the interview because the interviewer is a fucking idiot and is wasting your time.

>>82353040
>>82353080
I'm worried that this might come off as autistic and make it into a "times you acted like the driver" thread. Or that they'll just pick up a different pen and look at me like I'm brain dead.

>>82353005
Buy this pen or I'll use it to stab your mother in her sleep tonight

>>82353005

You just describe the pen and what it can be used for.

Also, this is /adv/, not /tv/.

>>82353150
/thread

If you buy now, I'll throw in a free blowjob

>a Roman soldier used this pen to pierce Jesus Christ's abdomen as he was crucified (John 19:34)

>>82353005

I had to sell a regional manager on a box of chocolates when I applied at Sees Candy.

Put on my best mongoloid impression and acted out the bus stop scene in Forrest Gump

>>82353248
How'd that work out for you?

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>>82353005
CEO: Do me a favor, sell me this pen. (reaches across to hand me the pen)
Me: (I slowly roll the pen between my index and thumb fingers.) When was the last time you used a pen?
CEO: This morning.
Me: Do you remember what kind of pen that was?
CEO: No.
Me: Do you remember why you were using it to write?
CEO: Yes. Signing a few new customer contracts.
Me: Well I’d say that’s the best use for a pen (we have a subtle laugh).
Wouldn’t you say signing those new customer contracts is an important event for the business? (nods head) Then shouldn’t it be treated like one. What I mean by that is, here you are signing new customer contracts, an important and memorable event. All while using a very unmemorable pen.
We grew up, our entire lives, using cheap BIC pens because they get the job done for grocery lists and directions. But we never gave it much thought to learn what’s best for more important events.
This is the pen for more important events. This is the tool you use to get deals done. Think of it as a symbol for taking your company to the next level. Because when you begin using the right tool, you are in a more productive state of mind, and you begin to sign more new customer contracts.
Actually. You know what? Just this week I shipped ten new boxes of these pens to Elon Musk’s office.
Unfortunately, this is my last pen today (reach across to hand pen back to CEO). So, I suggest you get this one. Try it out. If you’re not happy with it, I will personally come back next week to pick it up. And it won’t cost you a dime.
What do you say?
CEO: (picks jaw up off floor) Yes.

>>82353122
That's why you sneak in the night before and steal all if his pens.

>>82353005
>"Sell me this pen."

That will be thirty dollars. Want me to wrap it as a gift?

>>82353005
why do u meed pen mister? XD i have penm for yoU!!!!!!!!!! >.< he moight be big guy, but i do have the pen that you need! xD is there anything else i can get for you bane? bane? bane? bane? bane? bane? but you need pen no? thenb ut his one it is the only one that i current;ly have available anfd i know that you need it, for you. xDD ^_^

>>82353257
He's posting on /tv/. How do you think it turned out?

>>82353248
>Put on my best mongoloid impression
>impression

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>>82353005
Interested?

>>82353005
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgCxt5gfaqw
From the man himself.

>>82353259
McFucking kill yourself, reddit

>>82353005
I 've been thinking about this, a lot.

I don't think he was going to be sold to the pen.

I think it was him who was selling something with that question; the idea of a cunning marketist. He tried to turn everyone in the room into a striving salesman.

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>>82353315

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>>82353005
ITS FUCKING TELLS YOU IN THE MOVIE HOW TO RESPOND

>>82353040
>Let me show you a place I call Pen Island

>>82353411
I don't watch flicks

>>82353005
Get some spare change with you.
Tell her/him. How much do you think this pen is worth, how much would you sell it for?
He will replie a low ball numer like one cent/penny.
Buy the pen and say. "I'm known for making good financial decisions."

Also. Promotional pens are usually between 0.05 and 0.20 each. Use that knowledge for you advantage because the dumb bitch talking to you will have no fucking idea.
HR people that do interviews are usually psychology majors. They know jack shit about costs and running operations.

Also, if you are applying to a job were they ask you this question, don't get upset about not getting it, those jobs are crap.

I only got asked that once and I wasn't even applying to anything specifically. I just walked in to a recruiting company.
They wanted me to go door 2 door and I told them, fuck no.
Looking back it might have been good for losing weight though...

The Chinese have an old proverb. "The faintest ink is stronger than the sharpest memory"

Do you want to be the guy who forgot his daughter's birthday because he didn't write himself a reminder or do you want to be the greatest dad ever?

The difference between loser and hero is this pen. Wanna buy it or not?

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>>82353005

>ask the interviewer for a piece of paper
>stare suggestively at the pen he's holding
>as he's about to hand it to you, pull out your set of crayons, hidden in the inner pocket of your jacket
>quickly draw the interviewer getting violently fucked in the ass, you've practised these lines a million times already, the drawing is complete within seconds
>the interviewer stares at the paper
>while he's preoccupied you take the opportunity to whip your dick out and cum in his hair
>escape the building before security arrives, you have 1 minute.

>>82353410
>tripfags

Stick the pen up your ass then hold it under his nose. I know these interviewer types.

>>82353005
>Does your hand hurt after writing for a long time?
>Does the ink smell irritate you?
>Does it feel like the ink ends too fast?
>Is the ink hard to wash?
Then worry no more;I have the perfect pen for you!
Just point imaginary circumstances and exaggerate them to make him question his old,degraded and out of fashion pen and buy another-your pen.

>>82353122
but the pen you have in your hand is so much better than his pen, it writes so much smoother/neater, its made in USA Germany, "here try it write your name, isnt that so much cleaner and more professional?... selling shit is easy dude.

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>>82353557
First /pol/, next /sp/.

>>82353259
>It's just a pen. Get out before I beat you down.

>>82353277
>walk into office
>see a bunch of pens in his pen cup thing on his desk
>see empty pen box in trash
>"shit"

>>82353259
What is your problem with BICs?
I like BICs so much that in my company I ordered 200 BICs with the company logo.
You know why?
Pens get lost, but a pen only goes in the trash when it's out of ink.
You never take notice of the pen you sign stuff with. You take notice of the pen you have in your hand at the meeting, or at the presentations.
Now, I willingly let those pens roam free in other peoples hand so that could later admire the company logo.

>>82353040

>making some celebrity buy your pen to give you an autograph

>>82353005
If you don't buy this pen, I'll stick it so far up your sister's cunt she'll be using her tampons for ink next month

>>82353005
If this is a serious question, the answer they want comes from shopping channels, not The Wolf. The Louis Theroux documentary explains all but the outline is you've two lines of attack: features and benefits.

The feature is what the pen or is like, the benefits are what they do for you in your life. Just because every pen has the same benefits doesn't mean you shouldn't sell that pen with them (cars are a good example of something sold on universal benefits).

Basically a shopping channel jock can talk about the most inane product indefinitely.

So for pens:
Nice frame, hard wearing plastic, that will last you a good period of time, no need to rush out for a new pen.
Its attractive too, a smart pen is welcome in all social settings.
Good ink capacity, you aren't going to be caught our here.
Quality ink, make a note, sign a check? It stays signed.
So if you think about it, buying this pen will actually save you money while all the time, it delivers excellent penmanship.
Did I mention penmanship? Writes beautifully. People can tell a lot about you from your handwriting and this pen...

And so on. You get the drift.

4X OPTICAL ZOOM
SCHNEIDER LENS
PHOTO PRINTER
SD CARD
LOOK. AT. THAT.... PEN.

>>82353259
CEO would have killed kicked your ass out long before you finished, redditor.

>>82353572
The meme man himself says that's exactly what you shouldn't do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgCxt5gfaqw

>>82353005
Look, I know you've got pens. You wouldn't be at a desk without pens because that just makes no sense.

The question isn't "do I need a pen?" The question is "do my pens work?" Because honestly you don't know. You could start filling out a check with a pen in your drawer right now, only for it to run out of ink before you sign it. And how's that gonna look?

This pen, though? This pen's got ink for all day. It's got ink for tomorrow, ink for next week. I guarantee you, you call me into this office next month, and you'll still be able to write with this pen next month.

[Place pen on table].

27 cents. 27 cents for the peace of mind that the next thing you write will not skip, blot, or run out of ink.

>>82353005
>Why would you want this pen? You have many others identical in easy reach. This is the pen you should buy *pull out pen in breast pocket" it's blah blah blah.

If nothing else, you'll get a laugh out of it.
>2017
>Not being a neet

>>82353005
Wanna see a magic trick?

>>82353005
Look at this pen;it uses a revolutionary design called kinopen.It has an imperceptible curve that allows you to handle it better and improve your writing!Also due to its design it can carry 23.6% more ink;the first pen is free.

>>82353259
>Me: Do you remember what kind of pen that was?
>CEO: No.

See, this is your first mistake.
Important/powerful people already have good pens.
Especially older people.

Assuming that the CEO doesn't have a special fountain tip pen would be retarded.

>>82353005

Use facts.

Silver finish
Ergonomic design
Steel alloy coating
2 year average life span
Top it off with a joke
With a 2 year average life span, this baby will last you as long as my marriage

>>82353120
>they start reacting before you finish your quip
>grab the pen back from you and kick you out

why is real life so hard

>>82353834
CEOs don't do job interviews so it's a moot point. It'll be some HR wench who loses her pen every other day.

>>82353039
I got in trouble in junior high for doing this

>>82353868
Because you're an autist with no skills who can't get a real job so you have to work in sales

>>82353907
And you're an expert on autism I bet

>>82353748

Makes me want to buy ink desu

http://www.penisland.net/

>>82353893
>he isn't qualified for jobs where the interview consists of a panel of board members

Sorry sir I can't ethically sell you a pen that already belonge to you, that would be extortion

>>82353933
Where do you think you are

>>82353938
Plenty of ink in this pen. What, you're gonna sit and fill up all your pens?

>>82353736
He says you should be asking questions not shoving the pen into his throat and instantly telling him its the most amazing thing ever created.Asking questions first is what who you quote did.

>>82353296
playing game on easy mode

>>82353005
I'm gonna stick this pen up your fucking ass and skullfuck you with it if you don't buy it

>>82353945
I would hope no one that browses /tv/ is.

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Uhh, you don't get to bring pens.

>>82353259
Me: It'll also make your weiner longer
CEO: ... I'll take 12

>>82353943
Go to bed Aniki

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>start shanking them in the gut repeatedly with the pen
>"BUY THIS FUCKING PEN AND I'LL FUCKING STOP!"
>start shanking harder, faster, and deeper til they finally buy it

Easy.

They are looking for upselling, not memes.

Talk about color, tone, ink lifespan, ballpoint durability, etc.

Their other pens are heavier, spottier, weaker, illegible, etc.

Ask them what they plan to use the pen for and tell him why this pen does that task and all others better.

Explain that pens are hobbyist items for a reason, and that even if the person doesn't collect pens as a hobby, others will notice a difference, and it matters.

>>82353005
>Buy me this pen and I'll suck your fucking dick every day I work here

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>>82353259
>The CEO personally does the interview and not HR or the store manager

You are fucking dumb.

>>82353005
This pen was once in a celebs asshole, and you can always ever so slightly feel the pungent smell of their feces. Real celeb colon.

>>82354083>
>10 minutes later you a pen AND a dead body

Best investment ever

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>>82354153
For you.

>>82353005
just suck his dick. if he's not into it, pretend you were joking.

reminder to immediately walk out of any interview that asks such a retarded worthless question

>>82353277
even better, so this then wait for him in his office and as soon as he comes through the door let him know you've got a sick offer on a pen

>>82354153
t.b.h. if the CEO is the one doing the interview it probably means that they care more about their hires than the average company.

>>82354044
I should probably leave

>>82354153
>store manager
Oh anon, I'm sorry you've failed at every point in your life

>>82354344
It means you're either interviewing at a very small startup company or you're interviewing for a pretty major position and it's very unlikely you would be asked to sell a pen.

>>82354431
Depends on what you actually do I guess.

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>>82353005
First of all, everybody is talking about how great this pen is, okay? And I know pens, believe me. I have a lot of friends who are pens, and they all say to me "You will not believe how great, how GREAT, this pen is." It's true, it's true. You will look back on this pen purchase and say to yourself, that was the best, best, BEST purchase of a pen I ever made, in the history of pen purchases.

>>82353005
Are you going to work at marketing at Parker or MontBlanc?

>>82354738
It's not a marketing position and it has nothing to do with pens

>>82353305
The funny part is saying how hed just move on and not waste his time with someone who doesnt use pens. Though in 95% of all sales oriented jobs youre expected to sell the lump something anytime someone walks in the door no matter what. Sellings cars is pretty gay and unfun, btw

>take pen
>put it in jacket
>"No"
>Haha alright can I have my pen back
>"That'll be $25"

if the manager is a man,tell him that 99% of man using this pen had their penis growing up to 500%.
Everyman want a bigger penis,just sell him the dream not the pen

If someone were to walk up to me and try to sell me a oen the only way I'd say yes is if he threatened to rape me

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>>82353748
Only good answer in this thread. I would definitely almost buy.

except while you were talking I searched pic related and purchased with one click for $.23 per pen and free next day delivery

>people ITT describing why pens in general are useful

It's "sell me THIS pen" idiots

>>82355543
>hello sir would you like to buy this pen?

>no i already have a pen

>well a responsible employee like myself would not want to oversaturate the market, so i will be on my merry way. please let me know when you do need a pen, i have a very nice one right here

>>82354023
10/10 would buy

>>82355469
4 extra cents and you can have it right now.

>>82353748
And if he handed you a pen with no ink idiot?

He knows he just handed you the pen, you sound like a retard making up stories about what an amazing pen it is. Anyone who starts bragging about it shouldn't be let anywhere near a sales job

If you buy this pen and you're not happy with it? I'll replace it. You're not just buying a pen, you're buying a relationship with me.

>>82355150
if only such pen existed

>>82353005
By this pen or your mum will die in her sleep tonight

Just steal the movie's answer

>>82354473
>or

>>82355659
The point, genius, isn't to sell the pen but rather to project confidence.

I could tell the guy the fucking pen was used to stimulate John Kennedy's prostate on a daily basis. It doesn't need to be true, I just need to be confident.

>>82355219
>being so beta that you couldn't simply overpower him

Fix your life.

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>>82353259
>tripfag
>this level of delusion

Checks out.

>>82353005
A lot of interviewers have started doing this, it's driving me up the wall.

"Sell me this pineapple"

I'm applying for a job that involves me taking boxes off of a truck and putting their contents onto a shelf in the middle of the night, when the store is closed, why the fuck would I need to sell anything? Shouldn't the guy be asking me what I can bench press, or if I have manual labor experience? Wouldn't that be far more relevant?

>>82353005
Just take the pen and leave.
You're +1 pen.

>>82356241
Questions like this actually serve many different purposes. It shows how well you can think on the fly, which most jobs require (and honestly few people can do well). It shows how well you can solve a problem that you didn't expect at all with no preparation. It shows your level of social skills. It shows that when you're told to do something, you can do it, even if the request is bizarre and out of the ordinary.

Most interviewers strive to ask you at least one really weird thing to bring you out of your comfort zone and see how well you can address something you didn't expect at all.

>>82353102
>grab all his pens real quick
>"the price just went up $10,000"

>>82353533
LEL UPBOATED THANKS REDDIT

>>82355014

That's because the shitty dealership you worked for is led by people who don't know anything real about sales. They just do the job, have a few good sales streaks, and then move up to manager or start their own dealership. You're wasting time trying to sell to someone who isn't interested. Trying to figure out the perfect set of words to convince them to buy a product they don't want or need. It's better to move on and sell to someone who wants it. Saves time and you'll do more volume. This is the biggest problem with car salesmen. They try way too hard. It's super embarrassing some of the tricks they try to pull.

>>82353005
>*sensible chuckle* I've seen the wolf of wall street mate, great movie

Are sales jobs literally the worst entry level positions outside of stuff like telemarketing? It seems like the turnover rate is massive.

>>82356679
I sorted garbage for 2 days once. The company has an ad up year round looking for people.

>>82356679
Depends on how much they pressure you with sales quotas. That's just too big of a factor to have much control over.

>>82356780
Damn. Like at a facility where the trucks take the garbage from houses?

>>82353005
>take pen
>slowly shove it up my ass
>take it out
>$100 per sniff, you can only look
>inb4 L O N D O N

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>>82353259

>>82353005
Have you ever had an idea you just couldn't forget...

>>82356679
Sales jobs aren't cut out for just anybody.

Plus, since a lot of them are commission based, it's a lot of stress because it's on YOU to make your salary, it's not a given.

>>82353005
>I dont know anything about this pen sir. I wouldn't disrespect the product or risk doing it a disservice by trying to sell it without being informed.
Surely this makes sense as they would give you a very specific guide on how to sell and the features of what your selling in a job like this. Of course they probably want some bullshit meme answer instead that doesn't help either of you

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>>82356822
There was a large conveyor belt system where all of the garbage bags from the trucks get dumped. Different people have to sort different things. I (red stickman) had to grab plastic and drop it onto a different belt where it would be sorted ever further. Most plastic came from tearing open and emptying the garbage bags, and you never know what's inside. Shitty diapers, maggoty rotten food, etc. People would collect shit they found and decorate their stations with porn mags, extra mats to stand on, trophies and stuff.
It was the standing in one spot for 8 hours a day that was the worst, though.

>give you pen
>"sell me it"
>pocket it and refuse to give it back
>"if you really wanted it you'd offer more"

>>82353122
>I'm worried that this might come off as autistic
says the guy asking for job interview advice on /tv/

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>>82353259
your hired.

you can start by cleaning the bathroom and then mop up the kitchen

>>82357040
Thanks for typing out the 20th or so and by far least literate version of that response. Congrats.

>>82357285
>bitching i didn't type out a script

>Hello sir, would you like this pen?
>I have too many pens as it is!
>When will I be rid of this pen?!

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>>82353080
>"write something for me"
>he grabs for another pen
>all of them are missing
>I stand up and unbutton my blazer
>all of his pens are neatly assorted in a carrying vest I have under my dress shirt
>"Decrease supply...increase demand...." I say
>I unbutton the vest and reveal the 2kg of gel ignite plastic explosives underneath
>"Buyer beware..."

>>82357339
All I'm asking for is basic legibility.

>>82357433
>still bitching

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yo i make mad pus. pussy. IF YOU DONT. if-if you dont sell this pen, i .. i .

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>>82357473
wrong pic, i'll go kill myself, bye

>>82353533
ok link_gorro aka w_ll f_lsom aka resident pedo

>>82355014
There's a hidden meaning there imo. I think what he's saying is you need the customer to want it. If the customer doesn't want it you need to change that.

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>>82357533
I think he has a new waifu (or atleast avatar)

sike I could never give up rozzy p

>>82353039
Want to visit Pen Island with me?

>>82353533
LEL GREAT PEA-NESS HUMOR

>>82353259

>literally the correct answer copy and pasted from a shitload of sales advice sites
>/tv/ calls it reddit

Checks out