>tfw your falcon dies after 30 years of good service Honestly

I really struggled after my filmbro mosquito swarm died

>wanted to see a flick a couple of days ago
>my falcon cant make it because shes having triple bypass from all the butter popcorn i feed her
>go to rent-a-falcon, they refuse to take my credit card because it has my falcons name on it
>withdraw money and pay cash
>they only have a giant owl named Rupert available
>go to the movies with Rupert, he refuses to sit on my shoulder and flys off
>forget i had the leash on, he drags me in the air and across the theater as my feet hit the heads of everyone else there
>"in too deep" starts playing

>>82114605
that's a hawk, fool

get your shitpost correct

>go to local kinoplex by myself
>see a sign that reads "no singles policy strictly enforced"
>time to improvise
>get my phone out and pretend I’m speaking to my imaginary gf
>walk to the ticket dispenser and mumble to the phone "hurry up babe, I already bought the tickets"
>"Can I have TWO tickets for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2, please" I tell the ticket selling professional
>Sure thing, sir...
>phone starts ringing
>guards catch my bluff and send 3 armored falcons to incapacitate me
>too slow to unshed my katana
>they rip my trench coat to shreds and I get escorted out of the premises with a warning and a $5,000 dollar fine

I couldn't even make it to the crab legs buffet

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>>82114915
kys

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Falcons are cool. Everyone should own at least one.

in a similar situation, op
>headed to go see Phantom of the Opera with Maximilian
>turns out it's penis inspection day again
>popcorn professional asks me to drop my pants
>sigh and start to undo my belt
>Maximilian's claws start digging into my shoulder, getting my dangle all wangled
>I uh.... hold on
>Sir, is there a problem?
>Wait, I ju-
>I'm fully erect now
>Maximilian can see my shit
>takes a quick snip at my dangle
>FUCKING BIRD
>take a swing at him
>Sir, you're going to have to calm your falcon down!
>idiot bird flies into the ceiling fan
>emergency falcon technicians come rushing in
>everyone's falcons are screeching
>run out of the theatre, pants around my ankles
>have to borrow my mom's parrot if I want to go back
Life's hard man.

>>82114979
Brown """""""""""falcons"""""""""""""

(((Magpies)))

>>82115599
(((Mockingbirds)))
>Learn other birds languages to trick them
>Pits other birds against each other for their own benefit

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>>82114605
>>he only has one bird of prey

this is how we know youre not saudi

>>82116601
>Cuckatoo
What did he mean by this?