Mother always said life was like a box of chocolates, the good

>>81630661

That isn't how the quote goes, of course Caspere knew this.

They say when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, Ray. But life never gave me lemons. Not even a fucking lime.

>>81630661
>They say silence is golden Ray, but all I got is silver and I'm feeling pretty talkative right about now

>>81631207
lol this ones great

>They say actions speak louder than words, Ray. But here's the thing. I'm a blind man and no one's listening.

>>81630661
They say you catch more flies with honey than with Vinegar, Ray. But guess what? Fuck flies, I'm out to catch my dream.

>>81631207
tfw my frankpost got used

can we do this all night lads?

>>81631207
nice to see someone using my OC

>>81631207
I love when my memes get popular, thanks anon

>Ray, my mother used to say in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.... thing is, Im the eye patch

>>81631511
watch it anon

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>>81630661
You ever heard the saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" Ray? Well. I'll make a long story short: if you turn-tables on me now, you'd better not count your eggs before they hatch, because i'm off my fucking rocker, never been on it to begin with in fact, and hell will freeze over before I let you steal my thunder. I'll go the whole 9 yards if you let the cat out of the bag Ray. And you know what they say about curiosity and cats: they die.

When I was a kid my parents told me to follow my dreams. That's why I don't sleep, Ray because I can't risk them following me

A Roman emperor once said "The corpse of an enemy always smells sweet". That's why I don't shower, Ray, because I'm dead inside

they say that no man is an island, Ray. What they don't know is that I'm not just a man, I'm an archipelago and right now, this bullshit is taking atoll on me.

There's a small cafe near my place, Ray. I've driven by that joint every day for the past 20 years. Then one day I decide to walk in, and you know what I realize? It's a fucking hardware store

Every dog has it's day, Ray. Thing is I'm a cat and don't own a fucking calendar

They say there's two sides to every story. Well guess what Ray? I can't read and I'm a triangle.

Sometimes I feel like we're a both just a couple of pawns in someone else's game. Thing is, last time I played Scrabble I got three Z's an X and a bunch of O's. Well, I'm putting ZZZOOOOX on the board, Ray, and I dare anyone to fucking challenge me

They say it's not how hard you hit that counts it's how hard you can get hit. Well my opponent's Mike Tyson but I'm fucking Ghandi

I've got brass balls Ray; they're in your court, and I've been practicing my backhand ever since we met.

No one dies a virgin, because life fucks us all. That's what they say Ray. Guess the makes me a stud, because life's fucked me at every opportunity.

They say hindsight's 20/20, eh Frank? Too bad I've gone blind.

/thread

>>81631606
We've gone too far

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>>81631549
>>81631511
>>81631469
>literally ORIGINAL CONTENT DONUT STEEL: the posts

newfriends, please understand that when you release something into the wilds of an image board and it's adopted, you no longer own it in any capacity whatsoever

also
>three anons laying claim to a vincepost

fuck outta here

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Never lost my keys

Never even had a fucking keychain
----
Ray, you either sink or swim. But, sometimes its best to just get back on the boat.
----
The difference between me and God is that I expect more than 10% on Sunday.
----
There's two things in the world I hate; people who fuck with kids, and kids who fuck with people.
----
Women always treat me like shit, and I never wipe
----
I was in line at Taco Bell yesterday. I pull up to the box, order my food, and then drive to the window. My order came to $10.37. I handed the cashier a $20 bill. I grabbed the bag, and started to
drive away when the cashier looked at me and yelled, "Sir you forgot your change." I yelled back, "I didn't forget my change. Change forgot me."
----
One time, I was fuckin this girl. She told me to pull out. I came inside her. She flipped out..she said "I told you to pull out out!" I said "Yeah...but you didn't
say I couldn't cum first."

Think about that.
----
Sometimes life fucks you in the ass, and sometimes the ass fucks you. Well, I'm the ballsack, and I'm not fuckin' liking it.
----
When death knocks sometimes the only option you have is to answer. Well guess what Ray? I'm the fucking doorbell.
----
The only cartoon I ever watched was Scooby Doo. But I didn't like Shaggy. I didn't like the dog. I was only ever interested in the man behind the mask.
----
When life gives you lemons you make lemonade, and Ray, I'm the fucking juicer.
----
Life's a box of chocolate, Ray. All that matters is that you're not the dog. Me? I'm Willy Fucking Wonka
----

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>>81631764
>They say its the best thing since sliced bread. Well guess what Ray, Im gluten intolerant

>>81631764
wow! I'm so glad you decided to repost my reaction image

really glad I capped it, now

>>81631764
>calling someone new while not recognizing ironic copyrightposting
hola reddito

>>81631820

Ray, coming back to this job is like finding a clip of your favorite porn star when you were a kid. Her tits are saggy, her ass is gone, and her face looks like Captain Ackbar,
but you're still gonna jerk off.
----
My old man used to tell me "Son, when we die we haunt those we leave behind. Your actions in life determine whether your ghost will be friendly or impetuous." If you keep hitting the bottle like that, Ray... it will hit
you back in the next life. Casper the friendly ghost knew that.
----
I was never too good at math. Shit, I was terrible in school. I failed calculus three times. But when you've got four dead bodies on your hands, three hours until sunset, and two dirty cops digging through your trash
can --- well then the numbers start adding up real fast. I'm talking Road Runner fast. And if you can't put one and two together, and if the guilt you got weighing on your back isn't equal to the unit pressure of four
dead men when you divide that heaviness by the surface area of LA -- that's when you know the test's fixed and there ain't no right answer. Just a bunch of fucking equations that all equal a big ugly zero. Like life.
----
Can't wash your clothes without getting them wet. Casper knew that better than any of us and he still got hung out to dry. Well I ain't about to end up in a fuckin' dry cleaners.

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>>81631820
>I was in line at Taco Bell yesterday. I pull up to the box, order my food, and then drive to the window. My order came to $10.37. I handed the cashier a $20 bill. I grabbed the bag, and started to drive away when the cashier looked at me and yelled, "Sir you forgot your change." I yelled back, "I didn't forget my change. Change forgot me."

>>81631846

It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm the fuckin' Chinaman.

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>>81631207

Silver outperforms gold. It's also becoming scarcer than gold because it's consumed more.

>I'd ask for a penny for your thoughts Ray, but I forgot my fuckin credit card

>>81631764

underrated pasta, I know its pasta because I wrote it, feels good to see your work flourish in the world

>>81631764
imagine being this autistic

>The skinheads say Hitler did nothing wrong Ray, well, my lawyer's business card still says Goldstein

vinceposting demands too much of my brain. Can't we have something simple and inane like baneposting?

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>>81631606
>No one dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.

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>>81631846
>trying to save face over some dumb meme by pretending to be retarded

こんばんはレッデット
>>81631990
>>81631982
>>81631837
>>81631836
imagine giving some anon a bunch of (You)s for free

They say a watched pot never boils. Well somebody better start watching me because I'm boiling over.

>They say life's like a box of chocolates, Ray. Well, my life's a living hell so I guess I got some icing for the cake.

>>81632146
>They say you shouldnt try to save face Ray. Well, I dont wanna save face, I wanna kill it

What was the actual quote?

>I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Ray. You're a bad man, bad man.

>>81632267
>They told me the grass was greener on the other side Ray. Well, I'm on the other side and I'm the fucking lawnmower. Caspere knew this.

>>81630661
I miss the initial days of vinceposting. Lost of good posts back then, but now it's all pretty mediocre

>>81632053

You know what he said, Ray? He said Vinceposting was demanding too much of his brain. I said his brain was demanding too much of my patience, and I ain't Guns n' fuckin Roses.

>>81632407
I think it was A.A. Milne who said “a quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business." Well guess what Ray? I just fucking quoted him.

>>81631764
True. I started saying "birbs" on here a few years back because I thought it was cute and I saw someone on normiebook post a bird video and use it a few weeks ago. It's weird.

>>81632407
"Never do anything out of hunger. Even eating."

"In the midst of being gangbanged by forces unseen, I figure I'd drill a new orifice, go on and fuck myself for a change."

There's more but those two are from the show.

>>81632733
Really? THose are terrible

>>81632790
Yeah, it was made 10x funnier by having Vince fucking Vaughn of all people acting like some weird philosophizing gangster.

They said never to judge a book by its cover Ray, but I'm dyslexic.

>>81631820
>Sometimes life fucks you in the ass, and sometimes the ass fucks you.

oh fuck me

They say the enemy of your enemy is your friend Ray, but my worst enemy is myself.

>>81632790
You should watch the show, if only for Vince Vaughn.

They say there's only two days you do in prison Ray. The day you go in and the day you get out. I'm not even awake during the day Ray. I'm a nocturnal animal.

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They say you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach him to fish and he feeds himself for life.

Well Ray, the pond is empty. All I can do now is swim to the other side

They say lightning never strikes twice Ray. But I'm the lightning rod and there's a storm brewing.


----THIS IS AN ORIGINAL VAUGHNPOST----
------------PLEASE DO NOT STEAL-------------

They say lightning never strikes twice Ray. But I'm the lightning rod and there's a storm brewing.

>>81634469
Please stop

----THIS IS AN ORIGINAL VAUGHNPOST----
------------PLEASE DO NOT STEAL-------------

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But my camera is broken and I've got nothing left to say.

>>81634575
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I took a picture of a dictionary.

----THIS IS AN ORIGINAL VAUGHNPOST----
------------PLEASE DO NOT STEAL-------------

It's always darkest before the dawn but if you keep your head buried in the sand you'll never see the light Ray. Caspere knew this.

>They say you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you check this three.

A stopped clock is right twice a day, but you can never know when.

They say you can convince retards that your shitty show is smart if you add vague dialogue, but my lines make no fucking sense and everyone can see this show is garbage. Caspere knew this.

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>>81631606

they say the early bird gets the worm, but why should I follow the worms schedule

>>81635665
huh i've never seen the unaltered gif before

My momma always told me the most dangerous thing you could do is to stop believing in yourself. I never believed in myself, so why should I take a risk and start now?

>>81631207
>silver
>not lead

Do you even know how to forced metaphor?

>>81631606
>There's a small cafe near my place, Ray. I've driven by that joint every day for the past 20 years. Then one day I decide to walk in, and you know what I realize? It's a fucking hardware store
jesus christ

>>81630661
>They say lefty loosy righty tighty ray, but I never could tell what right was and now I'm all wound up.

>>81631606
>This bullshit is taking atoll on me

Very nice. Very clever

>>81636018
shut the fuck up

I've been doing the hokey pokey all my life, Ray, but what is it really all about?

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>>81631820

>One time, I was fuckin this girl. She told me to pull out. I came inside her. She flipped out..she said "I told you to pull out out!" I said "Yeah...but you didn't
>say I couldn't cum first."

This one got me hard

>>81630661
> My wife thinks I should turn the other cheek, but I'm starting to feel real fucking dizzy.

>Ray, coming back to this job is like finding a clip of your favorite porn star when you were a kid. Her tits are saggy, her ass is gone, and her face looks like Captain Ackbar,
>but you're still gonna jerk off.
>----
>My old man used to tell me "Son, when we die we haunt those we leave behind. Your actions in life determine whether your ghost will be friendly or impetuous." If you keep hitting the bottle like that, Ray... it will hit
>you back in the next life. Casper the friendly ghost knew that.
>----
>I was never too good at math. Shit, I was terrible in school. I failed calculus three times. But when you've got four dead bodies on your hands, three hours until sunset, and two dirty cops digging through your trash
>can --- well then the numbers start adding up real fast. I'm talking Road Runner fast. And if you can't put one and two together, and if the guilt you got weighing on your back isn't equal to the unit pressure of four
>dead men when you divide that heaviness by the surface area of LA -- that's when you know the test's fixed and there ain't no right answer. Just a bunch of fucking equations that all equal a big ugly zero. Like life.
>----
>Can't wash your clothes without getting them wet. Casper knew that better than any of us and he still got hung out to dry. Well I ain't about to end up in a fuckin' dry cleaners.

My mother used to say that a watched pot never boils. But right now Ray, I'm all out time and I can't find my glasses.

>some folks are born to wave the flag, they love that red, white, and blue but it ain't me, it ain't me, Ray. I'm no senators son

>Mairzy doats and dozy doats, Ray. A kiddly divey doo. Wouldn't you?

When Pizzalotti dies and goes to hell his punishment is to read infinite vinceposts

>>81635102
you know when the time matches up with the time the clock stopped at

>It would be easier said than done. But I just said it, and if done ain't harder than that i'd just about feel it

>When push comes to shove, shove harder. But I'm a fucking push mower, and the grass just got thicker

>Don't drink the Kool-Aid Ray, but the Kool-aid might drink you first

>they say when the going gets tough, the tough get going, but I have never seen the fifth starwars