Jesse Eisenberg Is Expecting His First Child With Longtime Girlfriend

>>80837708
>Though he's remained private about their relationship, it's obvious that Eisenberg has always seen something incredibly special in Strout. For example, in an interview with Seventeen magazine in 2011, not only did he admit she was the only girl he'd ever been on a date with, but he also revealed what he loved about her.

>"I find people who want to help other people to be the most interesting," he said at the time. "I come from a family of teachers, and my friends are teachers, often times in very difficult school situations. My job is so selfish and focused on my own vanity that I like to surround myself with people who are actually helping people throughout their day."

>creates 4chan
>creates Jew
It's like pottery

>>80837708
What kind of woman would willingly reproduce with a sickly faggot like him? No wonder the jews have every single congenital disorder in the book.

cool

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Daily reminder, this happened.

>>80837753
right?

>>80837738
projecting much?

>>80837731
>>>/qa/

>>80837770
mia is mega hot and homely
i can't blame him

why in fucks name should i give a single solitary shit about this?

what a fucking shit thread. i imagine the person that made this is legitimately retarded.

>/tv/ - Television & Film: Celebrity Gossip

>>80837708
Great, i'am happy for him. The guy was funny in Zombieland and kind of reminds me of myself

Another man falls for the female meme. How long do you give it before she crushes his world?

Good for him. Seems like a very stable relationship that started in their youths.

>>80837803
>why in fucks name should i give a single solitary shit about this?
> what a fucking shit thread. i imagine the person that made this is legitimately retarded.

>board is about movies
>discussion about actors is somehow bad

>>80837805
/CEL/EB WHEN

>>80837823
How long before your dick touches a human vagina?

>>80837708

>tfw he's 33


HOW?

>>80837948
>>80837948

In happened on the day I was born fag/got/ so what now???

who gives a shit. why is this a thread?

>>80838001
very clever.

It's not fully developed then , doesn't count.

>>80838011
>who gives a shit.
I do

>why is this a thread?
because I made it

>>80837996
((()))

His gf a cute
Reminds me of young Summer Phoenix

>>80838022

>that quirk


J-Jesse?

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>>80838043
>His gf a cute
yeah she's a looker

>>80837770
they look like german tourists

>>80838520
Holy fuck its too true...lmfao

>>80837708

The fact that the guys dick has been in somebody bothers me a lot more then it should. It just doesn't make sense.

He seems like a really nice person. He was a bad Luthor, but great in Social Network, Adventureland, and that Max Landis movie.

Also his gf is cute

>>80838520
LÖSCH DAS

>>80837770
Does she sell butter in her spare time?

So they'll have a child uglier than the both of them combined.

Impressive.

>>80837708
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AU2TaP4UGQ&index=4&list=FLyLuLcLFoO2oinsDiLDJGEQ&t=9s

>>80838641
>The fact that the guys dick has been in somebody bothers me a lot more then it should.
why does it bother you?

>>80838682
>He was a bad Luthor
how?

>>80838722
I don't think so, but I think she cooks.

>>80838726
Do you remember what the trolls from LOTR look like? Now look in a mirror.

Surprised?

they both live in bloomington indiana the IU campus, he goes through the panera drive thru regularly

>>80838765

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

>>80838799
Thats creepy dude seek help

>>80838799
What does he order?

>>80837770
>moot dated an Australian
I knew the Aussie hate was just a meme

>>80837738
>>80838029
T. Angry pol virgins

>>80838799
proof?

>>80838864
this

>>80838821
What are you replying to?

>>80838931

The first one.

>>80838862
>>80838864
it isn't creepy, my gf works there

>>80838931
Proof that he eats at panera?

>>80838981
Ask her bf what Jesse orders

>>80838981
Dies she give good head?

>>80838966
>>80838821
How doe sit not make sense? He's an above average looking, successful male dating his hs sweetheart.

>>80839009
yes

>>80839035

>Above average looking


If you say so. Anyways is Jesse-posting gonna be a regular thing now? Please say yes.

>>80839109
yes.

I'll do it if you do.

This thread is oddly comfy.

>>80839174

I don't even know where to start, my dude.

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>>80839228
Post some jesse.

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>>80839315

Like this?

wait according to his movies i thought eisenberg was always with kristen stewart?

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>>80839346
Yes!

>>80839365
They were in American Ultra and Adventureland, nothing more.

>>80839365

Kristen doesn't like boys.

Sure is /tmz/ here.

Who gives a shit about what celebrity is having a baby.

>>80839346
Cute!

>>80839455
that's AFTER getting dicked, earlier she used to wear Edward's dirty underwear everyday after their breakup.

>>80839527
shoo, shoo, back to your shitposting threads.

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>>80839444

Yay! We're doing it! nice trips btw

>zombieland
>adventureland
>the social network
>american ultra
>end of the tour
>only watchable party of BvS

Jesse Eisenkino can fuck what he wants.

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>>80839574
>nice trips btw
that's a three word sentence for any post too big for little minds.

>>80839444
That shitty Woody Allen film too, Cafe Society.

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>>80839630

I thought we were friends, anon :(

They had the kid. He was in the restaurant I work at last week with his girlfriend and the kid.

>>80839726

Panera? And how do you know the kid was his?

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>>80839715
you don't have three friends to rub together and make a fourth.

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>>80839797

Don't you quote The Social Network at me!

>zero talent
>I'M A SUPERSTAR

lel.

>>80837770
is that Mia Wasikowska? cute :3

she was amazing in Jane Eyre.

>>80837708
>before they went their separate ways for a little while.
the slag said she needed to date a little

>>80839948
They were on a break

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>vaccines v no vaccines
>c section v normal birth
>spinal anaesthesia v full anaesthesia
>girl v boy
>birth couple therapy v yoga
>circumsise v uncircumsise
>STEM v liberal arts
>home schooled v liberal collegue graduate
>dog pet v cat pet
>neutral babyroom paint v gendered babyroom paint
>vegetarian v omnivorous

>>80839346

wtf the set was so bright and look at the post >>80839315

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>>80839893

When did he ever say that?

>>80840063
If you're posting gifs to prove me right you're doing a good job.

>>80840059

What part of "From director Zack Snyder" do you not understand?

So he's not dating Mia anymore? Cool.

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Plain lo in the morning.
Lola in slacks.
Lois Lane. Mmm. Come see the view. Um... Mmm-mmm.
Now the secret to the height is the building material. It's light metals which sway a bit in the wind. Hmm. And you know something about lexcorp metals, don't you, miss Lane?
>I've proven what you've done.
Wow, you're feisty. Unfortunately, that will blow away. Like sand in the desert.
>You're psychotic.
That is a three-syllable word for any thought too big for little minds. Hmm.
Next category: Circles. Round and round and round they go to find superman. Wrong category, boy. No, no, triangles. Yes, euclid's triangle inequality. The shortest distance between any two points is a straight path. And I believe the straightest path to superman is a pretty little road... Mmm. Called Lois Lane.

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>>80840232
You came back.
You came back.

>>80837770
Pull up your pants you god damn retard.

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>>80840264
Boy, do we have problems up here! The problem of...Of evil in the world. Uh, the problem of absolute virtue.
>I'll take you in without breaking you. Which is more than you deserve.
The problem of you on top of everything else. You above all. Ah, because that's what god is. Horus. Apollo. Jehovah. Kal-El.
Clark. Joseph. Kent.
See, what we call god depends upon our tribe, Clark-Joe. Because god is tribal. God takes sides. No man in the sky intervened when I was a boy to deliver me from daddy's fist and abominations. Mmm. I figured out way back, if god is all-powerful, he cannot be all-good. And if he is all-good, then he cannot be all-powerful. And neither can you be. They need to see the fraud you are. With their eyes. The blood on your hands.

>>80840056

>vegetarian v omnivorous


But, anon, what does that have to do with anything? Other Jesse-anon where are you? I didn't mean it when I told you to get out! Please come back! I can't do this on my own!

>>80840232
Garbage

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Reminder that this happened.

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>>80840306
>What have you done?
Hmm. And tonight, they will. Yes. Because you, my friend, have a date. Hmm. Across the bay. Ripe fruit, his hate. Two years growing. But it did not take much to push him over, actually. Little red notes, big bang. You let your family die! And now you will fly to him. And you will battle him. To the death. Black and blue. Fight night! The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world. God versus man. Day versus night. Son of Krypton versus bat of Gotham.
>You think I'll fight him for you?
Hmm, yes, I do. I think you will fight-fight-fight for that special lady in your life.
>She's safe on the ground. How about you?
Close, but I am not talking about Lois. No. Every boy's special lady is his mother.
Martha, Martha, Martha.
Hmm.
Why, the mother of a flying demon must be a witch. The punishment for witches, what is that?
That's right.
Death by fire.

What happened to his Pepsi Girl sister? She get eaten by him?

>>80838520
hahahahahahahahahaha

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>>80840370
>Where is she?
I don't know! I would not let them tell me! Uh-uh-uh! If you kill me, Martha dies. And if you fly away, mmm, Martha also dies. But if you kill the bat... Martha lives.
There we go. There we go. Hmm. And now god bends to my will.
Ooh, now the cameras are waiting at your ship. For the world to see the holes in the holy. Yes, the almighty comes clean about how dirty he is when it counts. To save Martha, bring me the head of the bat.
Mother of god, would you look at the time? When you came here, you had an hour. Now it's less.

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>>80840361

DELET

>>80837708
damn dude punches well above his weight

I thought this nigga got smushed to death by a car in his driveway

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>>80840463

What gave you that impression?

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>>80840463
No, that's Chekov from the Star Trek reboot movies. Anton Yelchin.

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>>80840348
>Other Jesse-anon where are you? I didn't mean it when I told you to get out! Please come back! I can't do this on my own!
still here lol, just posted the bvs scene

>>80840463
that's the maze runner guy, not jessie.

>>80840598
He deserves it

>tfw you unironically love Eisenberg Lex
It's a lonely feel

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>>80840603

Oh thank god. I thought I lost you.

>>80837708
>he spent four months volunteering at a domestic violence shelter in Bloomington, Indiana. There, he worked on a fundraising campaign with the University of Indiana and raised $500,000, which was enough money to pay off the shelter's mortgage


If this was so close to him why didnt he just give the shelter 500K

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>>80840765

He doesn't trust them.

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>>80840701
had you looked close enough, you would have seen me in my dorm room window.

>>80840765
He's a jew

>>80840895
wew

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>>80840815

<3

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>>80840895

wow rude

>>80840930
I'm right though

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Hey I know Jessie! I was in Bloomington in February to participate in a fund raiser for the woman's shelter that his partner works at.
In fact the baby has already been born, so the two of them often walk a few doors down to an old couple for baby tips (Jessie lives in a normal neighborhood in a normal size house). I know this because I've worked with this old couple for 10 years. The last night I was in Bloomington before I went home, I got to have dinner with Jessie, Anna, the old couple and another friend of mine while we cooed at their baby.
Jessie is a VERY nice guy and if there are any Hollywood execs in this thread, hire Jessie!
Pic is me in 2016 with the oh-so-famous couple. Jessie is holding pies.

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>>80837708

I will NOT let the thread die! Anyways, I guess he was wrong.

>>80841657

Why is Jesse holding pies?

>>80841685
As part of the the fundraiser, a local bakery donated about 100 pies for us to eat round a bonfire. There were a lot of leftovers!

>>80841661
KYS you'reself right now

>>80838339
I take it back

>>80841738

>round a bonfire


Did they say that specifically?

>>80841770

But why?

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>>80837708
He was good in The Double.

>>80841907
The fundraiser was a show where, after it was over, the audience left the auditorium to sing together and eat pie round a fire on a closed off street (that pic was from the 2016 show, no snow this year).