>While filming Code of Honor, it was said that Seagal repeatedly

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Bracing for seagalposting thread

>>80642911
Just how fat has he gotten? Why does he still get work?

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>>80642911
Just imagine the thing he did to Katherine Heigl

>>80643528
Name recognition. Though I'd put "work" in several sets of quotes.

>>80643528
ruski money laundering

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>>80643577

>>80643577
>imagine being a nubile 19 year old actress forced to have a fat ass 50 year old thrusting his dick into you while laying his fat belly on you

>>80643577
He snatched her punani

Steven Seagal has claimed to be a former CIA Black Ops operative, some kind of reborn Buhddist diety, a coach for several elite MMA fighters, a Cop, a student of Morihei Ueshiba and an Italian.

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BOBBY LUPO

>>80643660
>>80643577
WTF??

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>>80643677
Seagal probably comes in less than 2 minutes

>>80643818
When Anderson Silva was the best fighter in the world, he had Steven Seagal in his corner.

>>80643973
This is how real world operators work.

>>80643818

Will he play Jason Blaha in the inevitable biopic?

>>80643978
Wasn't there an interview where Anderson Silva denied that Seagal is his coach? Pretty sure i've seen it a couple of years ago.

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>>80643933
Seagal being creepy as usual

>>80643973
Amyone have the movie cover?

>>80644078
Oh that's rich. What movie?

>Other than his American citizenship, Seagal was granted Serbian citizenship on 11 January 2016, following several visits to the country, and has been asked to train Aikido to the Serbian Special Forces.[55]

I think he wrote his own wikipedia page

>>80644078
what did he mean by this

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>>80643818
>ex CIA
>fluent in 10 languages
>IQ 196
>Serbian citizenship
>Italian-American heritage
>Born and grew in Brooklyn, NYC
>Russian citizenship
>black belt in Aikido
>honorary black belt in Karate
>honorary black belt in Shibari
>Japanese heritage
>fought against Yakuza members
>Katana expert
>Bogadnoffs fear Seagal
>expert in Wines
>Counter Terrorism expert
>International sex symbol
>Mongolian heritage
>Blues musician
>BFF with machoman Putin
>Putin is ex KGB hitman
>Russian heritage
>Part-Time reserve Sheriff Deputy
>Trains security guards
>Trains Serbian Special Forces
>Trains UFC fighters
>Trains FSB agents
>Buddhist god
>raised by black blues musicians in New Orleans
>Has his own energy drink
>has 1911 collection
>Faster shooter than Jerry Miculek
>Grew his hair back

>>80644269
He's an ambidextrous shooter. Takes serious skill.

>>80643818
>an Italian.
For some reason i find this to be the most outlandish thing. Why would a half asian half irish kung fu movie person claim to be italian?

>>80644293
sweet gamer glasses

can't wait for seagal x john wick

>>80644293
>that spray on hair
jesus

>>80644293
WELL IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT

>>80644321

Needs to justify his pasta fix

>>80644293
>that hairline paint

l o l

Sum up in one sentence just specifically what the fuck is wrong with Seagal.

>>80644429
too much punani made him fat

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>>80644267
Thats not made up btw. He actually gives Aikido training for Serbian police units and recieved his Serbian citizeship as a gift.

Serbians must be blessed to have a great man like Seagal as one of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39dINa7bngg

>>80644293
>honorary black belt in Shibari
Is this one of the things Katherine Heigl could tell us more about?

>>80644603
being "gifted" serbian citizenship is like "gifting" someone a punch in the dick

>>80644293
>>80644639
>honorary
>black belt
wot

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>>80644429
ego size of Russia

>>80644603
Why the fuck does he have 2 face's coat from batman forever?

>>80644429
>>80644429

He is Jabba Desilijic Tiure reincarnated

I keep adding Seagal movies to my Netflix list, its pretty hilarious how many recent bad movies he has made

>>80644429
He's a web who bought into his own hype

>>80644758
there is a theory that he is involved with some Russian or East Euro organized crime and he is doing all these movies to help them launder money

would make sense as the movies are absolute dogshit and the mob guys probably just have $20,000/day catering for the crew where they just serve pierogies

>>80644429

He shows us all what can be accomplished with a little bit of talent if you bullshit 24/7 and are completely lacking in shame.

>>80644758
He's been making bad movies since Under Siege 2

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>>80644127
Is that a cardboard cut-out?

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>>80644293

>>80644826
Just what has this brilliant cunt got anything to be ashamed about?

>>80644844
commandos often use skateboards during operations to avoid unnecessary strain.

>>80644078

/k/ will not be pleased.

>>80644127
why does that look like he's just standing on a cart that's being pulled off screen by a horse?

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>Seagal describes himself as "autistic with numbers"

>>80644933
/k/ worships the man.

>>80644429
He's literally a professional mall ninja.

>>80644603
someone post the jojo edit

>>80643577
>>80643660

Ohh, so his head has always been this weight and his body has just been playing catch up, I see it now.

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Also, he made a cutie half jap half "whatever his ethnicity might" be daughter.

>>80644127
>too lazy to walk fast

>>80644127
>>80644127
Yes. Puppeteers have been uncredited in all his movies since 2002. He can't move that quickly anymore. Don't be a duffer.

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>>80644170

>>80644888

He's a fat has-been at best as far as the Western hemisphere is concerned, and pretends to be some super-soldier when some 18 year old women can beat him at land navigation.

>>80645009
She was qt in gamera, probably one of the few girls who looks better with short hair

>>80644823
I've heard this theory before, a similar view basically said that even if the money itself is not dirty, Seagal can use little money on most of these movies and still make some profit from them afterwards

>>80644842
I've seen SNIPER Special Ops, Code of Honor, Absolution, A Good man, Force of Execution.

I just watched The Perfect Weapon last night along with The Asian connection. Its mind boggling how many of these movies there are and they all are horrible.

>>80645009
10/10 would bang

>>80644170
Fuck this is almost too tragic to watch.

>>80645112
Which one was the worst?

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>CIA Director: We need a sleeper spy to inflitrate Russian government

>Bogdanoff: There is only one man who can do that

>CIA Director: But he's retired from the agency

>Bogdanoff: Not anymore... give him the call

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>>80644693
he's wearing three watches

>>80644970

I-is that the ISIS symbol down left?

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Best movie of the decade, i rate a 10/10 punanis

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>>80645225
Seagal has the best movie posters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s-7Vp6MrY4

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What is his worst movie
>pic related is literally weeb fantasy the movie

Why is Seagal so despicable whereas JCVD is so nice and humble?

>>80645309
Why doesn't he look where he's shooting at?

>>80645359
JCVD is an asshole as well, though nowhere near Seagal levels. Guy's got severe problems with the bottle.

Dolph Lundgren is the real MVP, shitty plastic surgery-aside.

>>80645215
It's so his enemies don't know which hand is dominant you low test untrained faggot.

>>80644293
In an interview with Spy, Goldman says he had long known that Seagal tends to tell grandiose tales about himself. Late in 1988, a former soldier of fortune and treasure hunter named Randy Widner invited Seagal, Goldman and another man to hunt for treasure off the coast of Barbados. At that time, Seagal had been telling Goldman that he’d been a U.S. Navy SEAL. Evidently this was one frogman who did not take well to water. As Goldman recalls, “Randy was driving [a Zodiac raft] in circles while Steven and I carried the gear out to him. The surf was unbelievable, really tough… He started screaming and panicking and was sure he was going to die and all that crap.” Goldman says Seagal had to be helped onto the vessel. “Wildner had to pull Seagal by his hair; I pushed his ass onto the boat with my shoulder.” Later that evening, Goldman says, he realized that Seagal could not read a compass or a map. (Seagal describes himself as “autistic with numbers.”) With that, Goldman says, he totally dismissed the notion that Seagal had ever been involved in any covert operations. In his letter to the Times reporter, Goldman wrote that Seagal “would surely die of starvation if he was given a compass and a map that led to a restaurant five miles away.”

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>>80645465
He doesnt need to. Seagal is god among pistolero's

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn4d-UqPVN4

>>80645359
After the 90s success and cocaine, JCVD basically came to realization of how far he'd fallen in the dtv era, which was a wake up call that manifested itself in JCVD rhe movie where he basically pokes fun of himself and how much of a failure he was

>>80645359
JCVD plays characters, Seagal plays "himself"

>>80645338

lmao

>Still sore about dat fiddy bugs?

>>80644293
>did 9/11
>invented rectal mint lozenges
>Antarctic Fortress of Solitude
>trained Beyoncé in advanced dance arts
>MEK field medic
>Esperanto Wikipedia editor
>granny porn talent scout
>leading NBA tactical shoe design
>global sexual humanitarian

>>80645536

/ourguy/

>>80645112
There's a reason most of his movies since US2 have gone directly to TV

>>80645543

Are you fucking me? They aren't even 15 feet away. How is he that bad of a shot?

>>80642911
Reminder that Steven Seagal shat himself after being choked by Gene LaBel

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>almost 15 rounds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnw08iNb51U

>By 1996 they probably had more than their fill of Seagull-ism and basically showed him who was boss and gave the show to the up and coming John Leguizamo. Initially, the idea was even to kill Seagal in that airhatch by having his head explode via depressurization – a nod to his ego perhaps? When Seagal learned of this, he locked himself in his trailer and refused to leave, even under threat of lawsuit, until the death was changed to being blown out into the sky.

>>80645046
MR BAAUUEERR

>>80645016
He gets often doubled for anything but closeups, not only fight scenes, but mundane stuff, like going up a stairway or going through a door. They're not even trying to hide the fact that those doubles weigh half of what he does. Sometimes they even wear different clothes.
Also sometimes they need to redub him, because he can't be bothered to learn his lines.
Vid related:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YXl5uh2CLs

>>80645162
Extremely hard to say, they all are varying levels of bad, stupid plots, dumb characters doing stupid knife fights,SNIPER is really bad just because Seagal sits down in a chair the whole movie pretty much. The Perfect Weapon and the Asian connection are interesting since Steven plays the villain in both, but whats surprising is that he actually died in The Perfect Weapon, but not in The Asian connection.

>>80645871
wtf, why didn't they go to jail

>>80645215

at least two of them are heart rate monitors

>>80644016
WTF is happening?
Is he holding the gun backwards at the beginning or what?

>>80645997
Don't make fun of the disabled

>>80645997
>Is he holding the gun backwards
No

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happier days

>>80646227
>>80646260
Why was Seagal so hellbent on pushing the honourable, faithful family man image in his early movies (He demanded script additions in Nico; a lot of the Catholic stuff wasn't in the original draft), but IRL was about as far away from that lifestyle as you could get?

>>80642911
>>80642911
I can't wait for that badly directed, poorly written movie where Steven Segal plays a softly spoken gentleman whom has climbed Everest, is a blackbelt in everythingdo, has friends in the CIA and the Grand Hutt Council saves the fucking day with a 9mm, a bullion cube and a katana and gets the bitch at the end. It should be a good straight to Netflix presentation, way too big, for the big screen.

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>>80646381
Segal is too big for the big screen now.

>>80646379
Because he's a fucking idiot and his motives are a mystery even to himself?

>>80645359
On the subject of JCVD vs Seagull, have a story from good old Sly:
>But I remember once, at my home in Miami, I believe it was in 96 or 97, Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini. Who would win? I have to say I believe Van Damme was just too strong and Seagal wanted no part of it. That’s just my opinion.

>>80645309
>SHE

Is this a sequel to Her?

>>80644603
Is that fucking young Mike Stoklasa second to the right?

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>>80646379
Seagal is slightly autistic which explains some of his behavior

>>80646615
>Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna
The amount of testosterone at this party must've been staggering.

>>80645870

Of "about" .45.

>>80646615
Seagal was just scared he'd kill JCVD if they had a genuine physical confrontation. Once you've got to the level he has, it's pretty much impossible to get into a fight without seriously hurting someone. Killing is just a matter of muscle memory for me. It was a smart move

>>80646615
I wish Van Damme would have kicked his stupid fat face so bad, he is one of the few action movies actor who actually knows how to fight

>>80646811
Oh Steven, those dubs are the best thing you produced in the last 30 years.

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>>80646719
I bet they all took turns on Madonna

>>80646811
>for me

You fucked up, Steve.

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What is the undisputed so bad it's good Seagal kino of the 2010s?

And don't say Sniper, because he's barely in it.

>>80646811
while i know this post is joking, it's true that it's not often worth the fight, even if you'll come off better you can still get seriously hurt and even die in the process

that said, if segal was talking shit then he should have either clearly backed down and admitted he was just talking shit, or actually had the fight

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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QO1B_8DPN24


How long can you watch this while keeping a straight face?

>>80646811
Beating Kelly LeBrock into a pulp must've been a hell of a training.

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>>80647346

>those last five seconds

I'm laughing the rest of the year.

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>>80647346
Pretty subdued performance from Steve here

>>80644321
He's not half-anything, he's a Jew and that's it

>>80644116

jelly much?

>>80643660
>>80643577

hawt

>>80647346
>The ending
Jesus Christ, I wasn't ready.

>>80645046
>that stance
I could probably beat this fat fuck in a sword fight.

>>80646379

Overtly religious people are often massive hypocrites. It's just another form of overcompensation.

>>80647888
Is that a sequel to Wanted?

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>>80648177

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>>80643955

Two minutes of bliss for the ladies. Like they could handle any more than that.

>>80647346
I like the way he can lose 40 lbs and gain it back between cuts

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>>80644693
Holy shit he has one of those power balance bracelets

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>>80647346

Holy fuck.

Did they edit his hands at 00:28 to 00:30?

They edited his hands, right? Look at them.

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>>80648719

He has those on both hands as he has to maintain balance of power for entire universe. Jing, Jang and shieet.

>>80648404
SNATCHED

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>>80648971
hahahahaha, if he so stiff he's afraid of falling so he buys not one but two power balance bracelets?

>>80648719
>>80649189
Do those do anything? I always thought they were a little watch/step counter.

>>80649450
>Do bullshit magic wristbands do anything?
Short answer is no

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>>80649450
>Do those do anything?

Money for creators.

>Power Balance is a brand of hologram bracelets once claimed by its manufacturers and vendors to "use holographic technology" to "resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body", and increase sporting ability.[1] Numerous independent studies of the device found it to be ineffective for enhancing athletic performance, and the manufacturer was forced to retract its claims in 2010.

>The product was promoted through paid celebrity endorsements[2] and became a fad among professional sportsmen in 2010, leading one journalist to say that "a growing number of professional sportsmen and their attendants are starting to sound like New Age crystal healers."[1]

>Power Balance initially denied that they made any medical or scientific claims about their products,[3] but after an Australian Competition and Consumer Commission ruling, the Australian distributor of Power Balance was forced to recognize and retract their medical claims.[4] The company has been the focus of significant criticism, particularly for false advertising. It has been described as "like the tooth fairy"[5] and a "very successful marketing scam".[6]

>By the end of 2011 the company was reported to be on the edge of going out of business having paid out $57m to settle a lawsuit, in the course of which company executives acknowledged that their claims to improve strength and balance were bogus.[7] It filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and subsequently failed, but the brand has been transferred to a new company, Power Balance Technologies.

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>>80649450
They're placebo bracelets with a hologram in them that make you believe you're more flexible, etc. They give you some shit tests that "show" how your body immediately improves when you come into contact with it but its pure placebo so only idiots fall for that shit. Any randomized test showed that it had no effect.

t. idiot who feel for that when I was 15

>>80648404
woah....is this...dare I say......kino?

>>80647346
pretty awesome desu

better than TV marvel

Damn Steven Segal looks like THAT?!?!

>>80649739
i remember my friend trying this bullshit on me me being a skater since 9 y.o. having insane balance i just would not tip over lol

he threw out his bracelet shortly after that

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>>80644127

>>80643329
damn he was a handosme dude

>>80644933
I thought the same but that is a thing called "pieing". I guess it's a thing according to /k/.

>>80647562
He beat that pussy to a pulp, if you catch my drift.

>>80648945
Is this that new Deus Ex movie I heard about?

>>80651149
Granted Seagals gut hangs over the corner he's trying to pie around so it's not much use anyway

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Ao-iNPPUc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li58voy6xXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5m_8HuEBI4

>>80649830
Wait until someone posts the sunset bridge walk

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>A young Jenny McCarthy was auditioning for a role in a Seagal film. He asked her to take off her top. When she saw the script, she realized that the film didn’t call for any nudity, and called Steven out on it. He responded that the film involved “off-camera nudity”.

How do I become alpha like Seagal?

>>80653354
It requires levels of delusion not usually possible

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>"A Department of Justice that.... thinks that... any kind of a... uhhh...... judicial system that they make up as they're going along... can get by.... with whatever they decide that they wanna do.... like, Ted Nugent said, y'know, The Fast and the Furious. What's happened with the Fast and the Furious? What's happened with the truth... about any of some of the greatest scandals in American history, that have happened right before our very eyes?"

What did he mean by this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWZ4HPAdTew [Embed]

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>>80644293
>>honorary black belt in Shibari
>shibari

>>80653475
>I'm not going to be funny tonight
Why did he lie?

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>>80653475
>mfw Ted nearly ruined Michigan for us on election night by estimating how much rope he'd need to hang every black in Detroit

>>80653475
/ourguy/

>>80645184
I'm gonna need a quick run down on this guy

>>80647346
way better fight scene than any of the bourne films desu

>>80648404
i kno that feel

>>80645968
He only died in perfect weapon because his twin brother that nobody ever mentioned waddled in and honor killed him. Then seagall gets in a Sega Dreamcast cyberpunk helicopter and flies into the screen.

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nothing on this cover happens in the movie

>>80644429
He's the epitome of weeb autism

Just started watching the Asian Connection on Netflix. Just 90 seconds in he struts into a scene wearing a black skull cap. Another 60 seconds in he knocks out a guard that randomly approaches him. Another minute later he duels a rival with a knife. There's plenty of "SWOOSH" sound effects added in.

Pure kino.

>>80654207
sounds legit

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>>80654114

Neither does this.

>>80654661
>seagal and van dam
I must watch this

>>80654728

I thought it was Jean Claude Van Damme until I realized it wasn't spelled "Van Dam" and it's just some random wrestler instead. They both have little screen time and the main character is some completely different guy.

Does Seagal suffer from legitimate mental illness?

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>Seagal was in seven movies last year

What the fuck.

>>80654844
thats false advertisement. I'll never trust Steven again

>>80643577
>>80643660
so, this is why she is a fucking cunt to everybody ? Seagal PTSD ?

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>>80654914
>Decker

You know sometimes I get the feeling you guys don't really like him and are making fun of poor old Stevie

>>80645849
That's aikido.

>>80644116
Someone needs to shop a small, flaccid penis just hanging out of his fly.

>>80645536
>(((Goldman)))

>>80644127
He's a skater too! Is there anything this man can't do?

>>80654661
>he is watching your six
an ASS man. Ok.

>>80645536
>"Goldman wrote that Seagal “would surely die of starvation if he was given a compass and a map that led to a restaurant five miles away.”

This line always makes me laugh.

>>80647155
How hard do you think it was for him to be photographed eating that carrot?

Did they have double quarter pounders on hand for him to clean the taste out of his mouth immediately after they took the photo?

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>>80654661

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>>80654661

Does it matter?

>>80648404
Why does he look at his hand immediately after she vanished? He looks like he just shook hands with someone who has sweaty palms.

>>80647346
16 seconds

>>80644170
too much kino for one scene

>>80654661
>He's snatching your punani

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>>80645009
>Through her father, Fujitani is of Russian-Jewish, Mongolian and Irish ancestry.
>Jewish

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>>80648404
It's just like when I wake up in the morning and all I have is my pillow.

what did he mean by this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dakhzl2SBQ

>>80645997
It looks dumb as hell when he does it, but it's what your taught by some trainers. Doing this rounding corners ensures that your far eye is always seeing around the corner first. That way, you don't have to expose your whole body in order to see what's there.

why are segal threads always so awesome?

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>>80646811
>for me
mozart? is that you ?

>>80657679
because he's an amazing man

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6afFQmyiuU8

>>80644959
Because you can't see his legs. As shit as seagal can be, clip doesn't look unusual.

>>80644127
SOURCE. I MUST KNOW WHAT WORK OF HIS THIS IS FROM.

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>>80647155
>And don't say Sniper, because he's barely in it.

He barely fits in it.

>>80657679
>why are segal threads always so awesome?

Are you doubting awesomeness of Steven Seagal.

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>>80644293
>dance expert

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>>80645217
>isis symbol

It's the seal of Muhammad. He owned a signet ring that he'd use to stamp his seal on documents.

>الله / Allah
>محمد / Muhammad
>رسول / Rasūl

Muhammad, messenger of Allah. Pretty common in Muslim nations.

>>80644170
WHO WAS THE FUCKING EDITOR

>>80649733
kek, I remember those fucking things. One of my PE coaches wore one

>>80659651
stevie wonder

I'm glad I came across this thread, because I actually just finished the movie.

Ending was pure kino. Fight Club meets Apocalypse Now.

>>80647346

i like how any of the shots with physical movement beyond arm waving do not show his head

>>80646685
No retard, that's Miko Stoklazovic. known war criminal wanted by the Hague. Escaped Serbia around 97.

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>>80659900
No idea why this got me. Thanks.

>>80646615
JCVD in his prime coke and steroids days. I don't want a piece of that.

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>>80644970
>Adnan Oktar book

Based Seagal. Probabyl fucked all Adnan Oktar's Kedicikler.

>>80660024
who are these trannys?

>>80660117
Bimbos that star in a crazy religious fundamentalist's TV show. They fawn over him and his fucking batshit views in exchange for fancy clothes and new tits.

>>80660117
Adnan Oktar's "Kittens" basically cultist groupies. Upper class girls who are basically his followers/groupies who he has get surgery and filler and wear clothes like that, they go on his shows and ask him questions and dance. In case you don't know either, Adnan Oktar is an "Islamic Creationist" cult leader in Turkey, but for an Islamic cult it looks well... different.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZE_m2zjAoc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAE4dHTDQNc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEmuh-CJNKo

He also got arrested one time for having cocaine in his system, which he still claims he got from a kebab he ate.

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>>80642911
>Seagal stated "I pay them and the eat my asshole.
Seagal gets escorts to eat his ass in public?

>>80660024
None of those things looks human.

>>80660280
Well with the amount of filler and shit they get, they go past the point of no return.

>>80660246
Don't you get v& for doing shit like this in Turkey?

>>80643528

Money laundering.

>>80660371
Why? He's not the WORST cult leader out there, all he does is preach retarded Islamic Creationist shit with his "Kittens"

>>80660024
One of them looks like joan rivers kinda.

>>80660246
Wait just a minute isn't he the crazy fella offering a ridiculous amount of money for proof of evolution or something?

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>>80660024

Imagine what a man with black belt in Shibari and some rope can do to those mutants.

>>80647346
2 seconds

>>80643973
>tfw when that second double bacon cheeseburger hits and you gotta shit

>>80660612
Perhaps?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/3102103/Creationist-Adnan-Oktar-offers-trillion-pound-prize-for-fossil-proof-of-evolution.html

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>>80660024
>>80660246
>Adnan Oktar is an "Islamic Creationist" cult leader
>cult consists in part of scantily-clad plastic bimbos attempting to dance seductively

What the fuck is wrong with Turks? A cousin married one and she posts the most batshit insane stuff on normiebook

>>80643577
>steroids face

Is that why he looks like complete shit now?

>>80660703
Thinking they're as relevant as the Ottoman Empire at it's height

>>80643851
>BOBBY LUPO


four you

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>>80660703
Embrace the cult my friend, Seagal has.

>>80660371
He preaches a form of hardline Islamic creationism, so it's technically ok.

>>80645184
seagull looks like that now?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

Seagal my be a pathological liar, a fraud and a wifebeater, but he is definitely entertaining.

>>80644293
He's a Big Guy

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>>80646379
MAYBE HE REALLY WANTED TO BE THAT

like he was playing the part he wished to be playing irl..... like he trys to be a good man early in life, but then eventually he no longer try. life has gotten to him, he seas the truth and it is haunting. he then becomes meaner and sadder in real life as well...

>>80651149
"pieing" has nothing to do with how retarded the way he's holding his gun is

>>80651149
"pieing" can either refer to /k/-tier "cutting the pie" which refers to clearing around corners
>don't charge through doorway, move around it in a semi-circular fashion, clearing your view of the interior by 'pie slices'
or the alternate definition is what happens to OP's mom every friday night down at the local American Legion. It's creamy.

>>80647562
>Beating Kelly LeBrock into a pulp


supposedly. i bet she lied like all whore women do.

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>>80660024
>>80660246

>>80660024
I'd fuck all of them though.

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>>80659127
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING

>>80661612
Hunting for punani.

>>80660246
Great. Now Im going to have weird turk videos being suggested to me all the time

>>80654888
He's more than likely a sperg to some degree. Based on what just about everyone who's had anything to do with him has said, he probably also has NPD.

>>80661945
I fail to see how this is an issue,

>>80654888
A surprisingly large number of people do. I'd be amazed if he wasn't somewhere on the spectrum.

>Actor Steven Seagal trafficked young women to use as his sex slaves, according to a £650,000 lawsuit filed by a former model. Kayden Nguyen, 23, claims she was treated as a 'sex toy' and sexually assaulted three times after applying to be his personal assistant.

>The lawsuit claims: 'Mr Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian "attendants" on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, seven days a week.'

>According to the suit, Seagal said, 'My wife wouldn't mind if you and I had a sexual relationship.'

>Nguyen states in her legal action that she can support her claims as she could identify a 'unique physiological reaction' that Seagal has to sexual arousal. She said this could be corroborated by the other 'attendants'. The lawsuit did not specify what that reaction is.

>>80655730
I unironically bought this from a 7/11 or something back in high school like 11 years ago. I wonder if they still sell it. I remember that it was completely awful.

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>>80644170
It would've taken 15 seconds to add some kind of motion blur to that blood spray.
It would've looked 10x better.
Just the tiniest bit.
Just.
Fuck.
Fucking hell.

>>80662381
>unique physiological reaction
its *braaaap* isnt it?
its steven thats posting *braaap* all the time here is it not?

>>80644078
sad

he used to be better than this

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>>80660024
>>80660246
Damn is he some kind of Turkish Dan Bilzerian? Just a smarter version.

>>80662641
when? 25 years ago?

>>80660246
If I had a lot of money I'd probably be just like this guy.

>>80662774
yeah

>>80660246
>setting the second video to rain dogs

lmao

My uncle is literally what Steven Segal would be if he wasn't famous.

>super into martial arts and steroids in the 80s and 90s
>starts getting fat,like real fat
>banned from the dojos and the gyms because he is annoying and literally does not shower,ever
>tells tall tales of CIA recruiting him and how he was security for russian generals
>watches ton of trash martial arts movies and convinces himself he lives that lifestyle


One time he told someone that he can beat up my dad's friend,a real badass retired soldier and professional bodyguard who is 30 (thirty!) years his senior. The guy heard about it and went over his place,just for laughs. My badass uncle literally hid in his house for days with lights off so he thinks he was out of town.

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>>80660246
>literally a cult of bimbos

It's like something you'd read on mcstories.com

dude has really great taste in outfits for his bimbos too

https://www.instagram.com/kediciklerfan/?hl=en

>>80663103

I would destroy that.

>>80663103
Those fucking lips, holy shit. She could probably suck your soul out of the end of your cock.

>>80663103
this is not how human women should look

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>>80663146
Her name is Semra Ozgiray. More photos on her facebook.

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>0:48
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liIOOTI4-oI

What did he mean by this?

>>80663249
Other than the makeup and a possible boob job that's how she looks, and she's human so it actually is how women can look. Turkish women have uncommon proportions tho, I will admit that.

Check this Turkish bride

https://youtu.be/-TmwM4WMiQY

good parts start at 6:03

>>80663253

>dick sucking lips
>big tits
>small waist
>big hips

would breed.

>>80644078
What in the actual fuck is he doing there? I've never seen this movie but have seen the webms on here forever.

Every single time I'm just blown away that they allowed this. I don't think I've seen him hold a gun correctly and that's something they teach you on day one. He literally gives zero fucks and is just there to get paid.

>>80663263
I want to know how and why these keep getting made.

Also I am AMAZED that Seagal managed to convince them to let him pose with a sword again.

>>80663349
He's being an operator

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>>80663309
>Other than the makeup and a possible boob job that's how she looks
There's no way on earth those balloon lips are natural.

>>80663349
Seagal has ascended to a different plane of existence. It's some kind of meta commentary on the nature of acting.

>>80663309
The girl in the video is literally perfect in every way. Doesn't look fake either.

>>80663400
That's because what you are seeing is makeup applied beyond her lips. Look closely at her pictures and you can see where her real lips end but the lipstick goes beyond it. Oldest trick in the book for women who want big lips.

Still, women from that part of the world can and do have giant lips without any need for fillers.

>>80645215
Two watches. Third one is a "power balance wristband" scam

>>80663309
>when she leans over and holds her own giant boob because it's so heavy it might break the strap of her dress
good grief this woman is stacked

This is one of the best threads i've seen in a while.

>>80643528
He owns the company with Russian money launderes that just let him do whatever

>>80663485
Yeah, she's unbelievably lewd. I'm stunned how at sexy this woman is. Good god...

>>80663556
This is actually not bad.
1.make a movie
2.inflate number of sold copies
3.?????
4.Profit

>>80643660
>>80643577
DELET

>>80654914
>>80654984
>It's a "life imitates art" episode

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>>80663387
Or a gun

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>>80663556
Reminds me of someone else

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>>80664023
>mfw at no point was Seagal even in the same room as those sunglasses

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>>80664131
>teleports behind you

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Whats your favorite Seagal song?

>>80664159
Alligator Punani is unironically pretty good

>>80664159
What's this punani business?

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>>80663467

He has two of those power balance bracelets, take a closer look here:>>80648971...

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>>80664190
Steven made it his quest in life to hunt down all the punani, it's his second favorite thing behind the snatching of birthdays.

>>80664324
You forgot his quest to solve the endless mystery of why Richie did Bobby Lupo

>>80664046
Russians don't have access to the kinds of opportunities that we in the west take for granted. The majority of russians are peaceful, hard-working people that just want a better life and by denying them access to our systems, you're perpetuating a privileged white hegemonic system of structural violence.

>>80643677
Any woman doing this is literally choosing between Seagal's floppy ass or some other random pathetic ugly loser.

If it makes you feel better, there's no whore under 20 who knows who the hell Steven Seagal is

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>>80664378
Maybe it's too dangerous, too global, widespread, so he trains Russians instead to look into the case.

>>80664473
>Puts left hand on right forearm to defend oncoming attack

Aikido is such a fucking meme

>>80664046
xD anon!

who's ur fave writer on huffpo?

>>80645309
>.38 special with no primers out of a 1911

>>80664408
Shady deals by oligarchs and organized crime is a boon to the majority of Russians

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>>80664555

Steven Segal is reincarnated Lama. Minor issues like lack primers, ejection port being on wrong side or different caliber are nothing to him. He is in balance with universe, even man made objects like pistols bend to his will.

>>80660703
if u aint boolin wit Gulen u not really livin yung blud

>>80647346
Seagal ridiculousness aside, it's a way more grounded fight scene than any of the fights in The Matrix

>>80644293
>Rothchilds bow to Seagal

>>80665177
The Bogdanoffs bow to Seagal

>>80655053
How did you arrived at that conclusion?

>>80661612

i died too

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>>80665084

Seagal is always grounded.