>Not much to say about Logan, the latest in Marvel Comics’

Fuck off with your contrarian nigger faggot.

>>80164223
Can't wait for his Beauty and the Beast review

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>>80164247
kys

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>Cat in the Hat was truly delirious—a comedy as visually adventurous as a German Expressionist silent. And Myers’ mischievous, whiskered Cat was scary-subversive: While freshening the tale’s underlying moral, he gave claws to Dr. Seuss, which is probably why critics attacked it

What did he mean by this?

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>>80164361
> Was there ever a better time to be a 13-year-old at the movies? Mike Myers’ new comedy The Love Guru is perfectly calibrated to infantile thinking. It’s not the worst example of the extent to which Hollywood caters to a market, just further proof. Starting with Myers’ latest caricature-concept, Guru Pitka—an American-born, India-raised motivational speaker who specializes in pious quasi-spiritual bromides—the film’s adult subject matter is reduced to the silly impudence of adolescence. Pitka’s humor, as when he does a PowerPoint outline of the word “intimacy” (as “Into Me I See”), is just short of graffiti—brat-smart, coy, yet proudly foolish. It’s the lingua franca of today’s movie humor from Blades of Glory to Superbad. Too late to complain about it now.

>Satire with the sole of point of being silly doesn’t disturb the teen market’s blissful self-absorption. Smashing together arcane Bollywood mockery with the memory of The Beatles’ brief 1960s infatuation with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi may be outside teens’ pop culture frame of references, but Myers’ Pitka is essentially a pubescent child. (The funniest image is a flashback that Photoshops Myers' big head on a child’s body.) Pitka’s constantly horny due to the chastity belt imposed by his mentor Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley doing a cross-eyed Charlie Chase routine); his life is built around a career competition with the more famous Deepak Chopra, resembling a rivalry between studious and class-clown siblings. But the sketch-comedy world of The Love Guru is not a sophisticated spoof of growing up or of cultural fads; it’s humor is schoolboy-basic: booger jokes, penis jokes, TV jokes, un-PC midget jokes and Three Stooges–style slapstick.

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>The best joke rising out of this pop-culture delirium is an early spoof on voiceover movie narration, but the most typical gag is Pitka’s pidgin-Hindi thank you, “Mariska Hargitay”—which is funny only through repetition. When Mariska Hargitay herself appears (along with guest-star cameos by Kanye West, Jessica Simpson and Deepak Chopra) the wind goes out of the joke because the travestying of pop culture is ineluctable. Burlesque is meant to subject lofty or ordinary material to mockery, and though Mariska Hargitay is not a lofty figure, her TV stardom is so ordinary that Myers’ mockery becomes a nullifying rather than hilarious act.

>Teen culture—which is now mass culture—has limited its aspirations to the self-amusing (meta comedy) of The Love Guru’s celebrity endorsements. No wonder it’s full of smirky sex and masturbation jokes. It keeps pop culture at an adolescent mental level. Debut director Marco Schnabel paces the jokes unremarkably, which means the musical lampoons—treating Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5” and Steve Miller’s “The Joker” as Bollywood production numbers—lag behind the astonishing Indian imagery that Wes Anderson and Robert Yeoman created for The Darjeeling Limited. These musical scenes lack the necessary giddy, delirious dance formation to effectively parody Bollywood. (Although Manu Naryan as Pitka’s aide, Rajneesh, moves with a beautiful, wild-eyed expression.)

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>Schnabel’s bland direction expresses no particular vision. Despite the film’s teen-pandering, it inhibits Myers’ arrested-development id. This formulaic style may result from Myers’ insecurity after his audacious turn in the widely panned Cat in the Hat. It must seriously undermine a performer’s belief in popular taste to have one’s brilliance and originality disparaged that way. Cat in the Hat was truly delirious—a comedy as visually adventurous as a German Expressionist silent. And Myers’ mischievous, whiskered Cat was scary-subversive: While freshening the tale’s underlying moral, he gave claws to Dr. Seuss, which is probably why critics attacked it.

>So The Love Guru stays safely banal. Yet Myers has Apatowed himself—including what Pitka calls “presyphiletic words of wisdom,” the film’s narcissistic moral: “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love others.” This is relayed through a subplot where Pitka advises hockey player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) to stand-up to his domineering mother (Telma Hopkins) and reclaim his girlfriend (Meagan Good) from rival hockey star Jacques Le Coq Grande (Justin Timberlake overdoing an Apatow figure).

glib facsimile

Is it true that Armond White thinks very highly of the Resident Evil movies?

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>It’s ironic that Myers doesn’t follow Pitka’s homily, “What is it you can’t face? Then that’s what you have to face.” The film’s hockey tangent suggests that Canadian-born hockey fan Myers has buried personal feelings inside teen-humor formula. Unfortunately, this follows Guy Maddin’s My Winnipeg, a satirical documentary about Canadian lore as the source of Maddin’s own comic-erotic delirium. Once Maddin focuses on the physical destruction of the psychologically imperishable Winnipeg Arena (“my male parent”), the film towers into a series of ecstatic yet ambivalent exhortations of nostalgia and sexual anxiety. Instead of Apatowian smut, Maddin confesses locker-room arousal. Recollecting the discomfort of adolescent sexual taunts parallels the moment when Pitka’s guru subjects him to playing with urine-soaked mops. But young Maddin’s own desperate demurral, “Why don’t we just swim?” is funnier and more poignant. Of course, My Winnipeg isn’t for children, but it makes art out of adolescent sensibility. Mike Myers doesn’t; he markets it. The Love Guru crosses the Pop-Will-Eat-Itself point of no return.

Does this negroid only have 1 picture of him in existence?

>Armond
>White

>this contemporary post-9/11 american culture sucks dick and i wish hollywood could go back to the 80s

>>80164223
His reviews are always a good read, really complements my experience whether I like the movies or not.

Armond has a really soothing voice. Soothing enough for me to believe his opinions on films.

>>80164734
>this contemporary post-9/11 american culture sucks dick
but it does, it's not even a contrarian point of view

>>80164223
>Batman vs Superman is still the GOAT because someone else said so

k

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>>80164734
>this watered-down sterilized pc shallow commercialized tv-director-enacted american culture sucks dick and i wish hollywood had experimental auteurs again

>>80164710
It's Armond 'Honary' White

Someone post his Aurora shooting article

>>80164734
>>80164847
both of these are correct?

It's hilarious to watch /tv/ tout Armond when you're aware how deliberate his pandering is. When Armond talks about criticism being dead, he doesn't mean "get partician" but that there's no one using movie reviews as exercises for applying critical lenses.
His reviews are a backlash against evaluating movies as good or worthwhile when they should be about applying cultural frameworks in order to create meaning rather than conduct a scavenger hunt for "freshness" or "rotten-ness".

Armond "liking" a movie isn't the same as you "liking" because it's more about the intellectual hurdles he's had to jump through to make it a worthwhile film

>be "pedigreed film critic"
>critique the film's perceived political commentary instead

>>80165043

That's why he's so great. Anyone can be a contrarian faggot and pretend to like a shitty film, but nobody can do the mental gymnastics necessary to actually convince people those films are good like Armond can. The man's an artist.

REDDIT BTFO

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>>80164223

If only /tv/ could shitpost as well as Armond. I could read this shit all day.

>>80165043
>it's more about the intellectual hurdles he's had to jump through to make it a worthwhile film
You can bend anything to seem like something else. It's like high school debates where the team arguing milk is black wins because they presented the argument better. Seems like rationalizing to me.

>>80165043
DELETE

>>80164980
>80s
>auteurs

>>80164223
Damn i thought i liked this movie..

oh well the King has spoken

>>80164223
How can one critic be so critic?

>>80165126
>You can bend anything to seem like something else.
I agree 100%, as would Armond.

>rationalizing
Not really, I'd be rationalizing if I had a problem.with it but I really enjoy what he does, coming from a Literary Theory background.
I don't mean "pandering" in a negative way on his behalf because it's part of the exercise. He's the best critic working because he's calling the game for what it is. That's the goal, not any individual movie.

>>80165075
100% agree.

>>80164223
I agree with him 100%

the movie wasn't subtle at all, literally just le edgy violent movie.

If you want a lesson on how to do a dark and gritty film properly just look at Snyder's work the man is a master at his craft.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d5KovCbU8w

Is armond white tabatha

>>80164223
Wait a sec
That isnt Denzel Washington with makeup on?

>>80164223
this triggers the capeshiter

>shills can't prove him wrong
>"w-well he's just contrarian haha!"

Every of the times

>>80164223
Isnt this the guy who supported BLM in Suic Squad?

>>80165869
Denzel is also black

>>80164223
The king of /tv/'s words are absolute, hear the words of god.

Has White ever not gone against the grain? It seems like every movie that ppl like he shits on and every movie ppl hate he praises.

>>80164223
4

>>80165817
C'mon man. I know you love DC but you can't honestly think Zach "I Did it Because I Thought it was Cool" Snyder has mastered any craft

>>80166082
Actually i hate capeshit but Snyder has elevated the genre, he's brought intelligence and complexity that capeshit has never seen before.

Even Armond realizes this.

>>80166251
You mean visual complexity? Some of those elements are redeemable but please tell me you're not referring to the horrible script because you'll have no leg to stand on

>>80166402
Snyder doesn't write the scripts

>>80164273
*KANG OF /tv/
ftfy

>>80164223
WTF I hate Logan now!

>>80166505
No shit, yet BvS babies talk endlessly about his shitty pottery

>>80164361
Catposting wasn't a meme, it was an in-depth analysis

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>>80164361
Holy shit, where did you find this young Armond?

>>80165214
>who is Brian De Palma?

>>80164773
I'm so glad he doesn't have a gay lisp

>>80168621
70s anon

>>80165043
>it's another pleb thinks he "understands" Armond episode

these are always entertaining.

>>80164595
>>80164361
>>80164223
>just being contrarian for the sake of it
what a phony faggot, no surprise you fags love him

>>80164247
Armond White isn't a contrarian, he writes critiques, not opinions.

>>80168689
He has some great 70s stuff but you can't deny Blow Out, Body Double and Dressed to Kill fit perfectly into the 80s.

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>>80164223
>Contrarian.

Truly the Redditest of responses.

>>80164261
looking forward to his review more than the film at this point

Is he, dare I say it, /Ourmand/?

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>>80164223
This is pretty lazy by Armond's standards. He didn't come up with any sort of political analysis, instead he just said "it's mindless violence". People who hate Logan won't be able to use this review as a weapon, it's too boring and simple to be an effective argument.

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>>80164703

>>80169230
So, he's an inmate?

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>>80164703

do reviewers really write like this? (And no, I don't read reviews) who reads this shit seriously. It's not helping in any way

>>80169270
Where are you finding this? Are you his boyfriend?

>>80169298
Google images. No, I don't date niggers.

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>>80169293
This better?

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>>80168725
die

>>80169293
Some of them do, yeah. Most modern film reviewers don't really give a shit. Armond usually tries to be thought provoking but with this review it seems like he was bored and didn't care.

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>>80169356
every time

I hope he gets into more twitter arguments

>>80169192
He spent the rest of the week's steam on Get Out

Hmm I've never seen Blood Father

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>>80169356
>Civil War

>>80169433
Doing god's work.

>>80169433
That was supposed to be an argument?

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>>80164223
>Armond's big takedown of Logan is just some whining about violence
The ultimate proof that Logan is a great movie. If there was something seriously wrong with it then Armond would've been able to come up with a better review.

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>>80169433

>>80169705
BTFO by a faggot nigger, gott damn

>>80169590
Wake Up.

>>80166082
I hate capeshit. I hate DC. I hate Marvel. I hate X-Men, I hate TDK trilogy, I hate it all. It all sucks.

But Snyder's movies are amazing. Watchmen, MoS and BvS are really good. I can't imagine what sort of mental gymnastics you have to apply to convince yourself they're not. Either that or solely relying on rottennumaletoes to tell you your opinion.

>>80164851
>Honary

>>80170125
I can't imagine what sort of mental gymnastics you have to apply to convince yourself MoS is a masterpiece. I saw it the night it came out and I wanted to love it but I was bored during most of it. In MoS Superman is a boring character who doesn't go through any sort of character arc. I'm not a big fan of the Donner Superman movies but at least in those Superman had a corny likeability.

>>80170299

>very well received movie
>Armond thinks it's bad

WOAH, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT

>>80164710
test

>>80170422
>very well received movie
>armond thinks it's good
>shills can't comprehend

>>80170461
those are the token reviews to make it look like he isn't just going against the majority

>>80170422
scroll up a little, redditor

>>80164679

The animated ones, yes

>>80169230
>>80169270
>that smugness

He just enjoys taking the piss out of everybody

>>80170516
is 50-50 really "going against the majority"?

>>80164595
>>80164614
>>80164636

It doesn't seem like he is praising it though

>>80164223

Where are you getting this review from? are you just baiting?

>>80169593
This.

>>80169705
>>80169433
No way that's the real Armond.