Thread replies: 33
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Thread images: 7
>go to the kinopolis to watch la la land
>brought my falcon to get past the no singles policy
>they let me in but i have to go through the penis inspection
>4 guys in hazmat suits pull up and bring me to a concealed area
>they inspect my penis, stretching and pulling it
>i managed to cheat the inspection so I passed
>go get some snacks and popcorn
>operator is muslim and banned popcorn because its not halal
>ask for a replacement
>he pulls a huge 20 pound bag of uncooked rice onto the counter
>he fills my cup with the dry grains of rice and tells me its just as good if not better
>go to the shower room
>men showers are broken so i have to use the birdbath with my falcon
>its dirty, stagnant and filled with litter
>muslim operator tells me to face to mecca and pray
>i have no prayer rug so i have to buy one
>$650 + tip
>finally done with praying
>finally get to the seats
>4 hours of commercials and trailers
>the movie begins
>i saved my rice grains for the movie
>start eating, its fucking hard
>halfway through the flick i get a stomach ache
>run to the bathroom and shoot buckshot out of my ass because of the undigested rice
>i pass out from rectal bleeding in the stall
>my falcon finds me 6 hours later
>get fined for the mess $1250 + tip
>about to leave the cinema
>the guys in the hazmat suits pull up and taze me in the neck
>they found out I cheated the inspection
>they put me in a cell for 30days
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>>79200776
>>
uh your story was getting sketchy when you said you brought a falcon with you, but its so obvious when you said you went through a penis inspection
fake shit OP
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>>79200929
>you will never be this new again
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>>79200776
>not bringing a portable rice cooker with you
What are you, poor op?
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>>79200915
Thank you, kek
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>>79200929
newfag
>>
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>>79200929
>>
>>79200929
The only sketchy thing about penis inspection was that he somehow cheated on it. You can't cheat it.
>>
>>79200929
>newfag spotted
>>
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>>79200915
>enter theater
>trying to find seat
>everyone is dressed as Darth Vader
>everyone
(thank you Kek)
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>>79200776
at least you're not in germany good friend, the only way to get pass the inspection by muslims is to bring your gf or mum so they can rape them
but la la land was worth it
>>
>>79200915
thank you, keke
>>
>want to see La La Land
>local kinographietorium has recently made an addendum to their no-singles policy, it's now 3-or-more-people-in-a-polyamorous-relationship-only
>can't get in even with my falcon
>have to deep undercover
>move to Syria
>get tanned
>reenter Europe as a refugee
>taken in by a German family
>become gay lovers with their son and also date his gf
>convince them we need to see La La Land
>night of the showing
>we enter the cinematorary
>get in without any penis inspection because we're so inclusive and progressive (finally find out what it's like on this side)
>we're shown to our seats (private vip box as thanks for choosing their theater and raising their progressiveness rating)
>halfway through the movie one of the employees asks me to step aside for a word
>I've been discovered
>sentenced for 3 years in /tv/ duty
And I'm still here, I want to get out guys
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>>79200929
You can't cheat penis inspection fag. What is this? Friends?
>>
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>win a ticket to a see an hour long entertainment fiction for mining over 7 trailers worth of coal with my bare hands
>get to the televisual projectory centre, untie our harnesses and take our eyeshields off
>we perform our mandatory salute to god
>get through penis inspection no worries, inspector comments on how well it bends, yet how intractably firm it is left in its place
>at this point two lines of people have formed to greet me, they cheer me on as i walk through proudly with my erect cock with a small penis sized medal hanging from it
>i turn to each one and proudly thank them for this incredibly opportunity
>suddenly a whistle blows
>i forgot my anal speculum
>everyone starts openly weeping and mock hitting themselves in the face
>have to use one of their anal speculums
>its way too large and it hurts like fuck the whole way through
>its so large i cant even get any of the popcorn simulant nutrient suppositories past it
>>
>>79200915
Thank you, kek
>>
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>Queuing up at the kinographietoriumary
>realise I forgot my falcon
HELP WHAT DO I DO
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>>79201428
Can I save this picture?
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>>79203303
Can't you just rent one from your kińóhause's falconarium?
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>>79203303
just act cool and talk your way out of it
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>>79203429
OK, I tried, but I had to buy crap legs and I failed my Penis inspection, so I was fined and didn't have enough to rent one. I-I'm getting shifty looks, I'll have to think of something soon
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>>79200776
lmao good one
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>>79204136
draw some eyes and a mouth on a popcorn bucket and tell them you identify as two beings and make an unbearably loud screeching noise if they try to touch it
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>>79200776
>cheating during the penis inspection
LMAO yeah right OP. Those guys are professionals, I don't buy your story at all.
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>>79204419
I did that and It worked. However, I am sitting next to the designated shooter, and we are watching the pre-flick bible reading. Wat do?
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>>79200915
Thank you, Kek.
>>
how do I cheat at the penis inspection?
I bought many online guides which costs me over $5000 but every time I try to apply the techniques explained in the guides, they still catch me cheating and I get put in a cell for a week.
>>
>/tv/tards unironically find this shit funny
Autism
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>>79200958
good point.
ive recently converted my anvil to have a hot grill plate and stove top. i keep my pots and pans under the anvil on a kind of rack i welded together. i had some good advice from the theatrical anvil owners club (taoc) who guided me through my customization in the theatre lobby smithery.
im very pleased with it.
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>>79200915
Thank you, Kek
>>
>>79205147
Gtfo my /tv/
Thread posts: 33
Thread images: 7
Thread images: 7