>Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough.

>Luke did I ever tell you that your Aunt and Uncle will be burnt alive and it will be my fault as I was supposed to protect them?
>I am a good friend.

>>78863639
Obi wan truly was a bro

>>78861109
>He was screaming, and in horrible, horrible pain, but I decided not to put him out of his misery.

Jesus Christ, Obi Wan was sadistic. He didn't even force pull him up the hill a little bit. He just left him 1 foot from the lava where he could have slowly slipped down and been melted from his nubs up, slowly dying. What the fuck Old Ben?

>>78861109
What's the joke?

>Luke did ever tell you that I have devoted 20 years of my life protecting you in secret yet as soon as I meet Darth Vader I'm going to pussy out and let him kill me so he has a clear run at killing you?

Ben should have been Christopher Walken relating story how he smuggled his father's lightsaber in his asshole out of an imperial torture chamber on endor because he's a good friend.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about your Grandmother? she was a sex slave for the Sand People ... I could have rescued her easily but instead I condemned her to a life of horrific sandy asshole rape with no lubricant.

>She was a good friend.

>>78864602
>horrific

She actually loved it.

She was a good slut.

>>78864602
>luke did I ever tell you how I filmed this whole incident and uploaded it on the Galactic Net? There was this site back then, it was called... blacked dot com

Luke, did I ever tell you your granpa are tiny microscopic organisms and your grandma got raped to death by those tuskens we scared away doing loud animal sounds? Your other grandparents aren't important and your mom gave up on life and died in front of me after giving birth to you. [stares blankly for 20 minutes] Oh, where was I... yes, your father was also owned by a flying jew moth until he was 10 or so, then we made him not have sex with anyone for the rest of his life but he did it with your mom anyway and that eventually made him so angry I had to burn him alive.

>>78865043
>flying jew moth
Bless you anon

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time we discovered Palpatine was a Sith lord? We sent Windu and some of our worst Jedis out to get him. He screeched very loudly and spun around a few times, which was too much for the Jedis to handle.

Windu would have got him but your father decided instead to cut off his hand while Palpatine shocked the shit out of him yelling "UNLIMITED POOOOWAH!" He was thrown out the window and went flying several stories to the hard ground. Don't worry, he survived.

He was also a good friend.