>poker scene >everyone has four of a kind or a straight

>It ain't me starts playing.

>>69085552
poker has been televised forever, and literally this has never happened on video

thats how rare it is

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>doesn't want to answer phone
>throws phone in water

>poker scene
>no idea what's going on because I don't know how to play

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>characters are playing chess
>kings are missing from the board

>poker scene
>"All in."

>>69085552
Yeah, this is a fucking irritating trope. The amount of times people get fucking magnificent hands in movie poker games yet the guy next to him has something even better.

The Casino Royale big hand comes to mind.

There's a flush, 2 full houses and a straight flush in the same hand.

No idea what the odds of that happening are but they'd be fucking infinitesimal.

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>Dinner scene, entire family is gathered around the table eating supper
>They are all wearing pants

>>69087351
>Dinner scene
>Mom is on one side of the table, dad is on the other side and a kid in the middle
>"So... How was baseball practice, son?"

Literally when has this ever happened in real life?

>>69087541
Happened to me every night after school and extracurriculars you poorfag degenerate. Sorry your parents didn't love you.

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>>69085552

Literally the movie

>>69087565
I know your parents loved me. Because I had sex with your mom.

>>69087077

They were all cheating, anon. Pay attention. Bond managed to be the better cheat and outbrain the rest. They couldn't call him out on cheating beacuse it would've lead to they being caught cheating in the process.

>>69087610
DUDE DANK BRO I'M SO REKT FUCKIN DANK YOU REKT ME DUDE AAAAAAA CALL THE POLICE I'VE BEEN REKT

But seriously I'm sorry and it's not your fault they didn't love you.

>>69086752
There was a pretty great one in 2011 or somewhere around then, some gook had four aces and it was beaten by a royal flush. I think that's happened a couple of times.

Who /pokerstars/ here?

>>69087626
It's not the fucking Sting, dickhead.

It was a high stakes poker game at a glamorous casino with numerous people watching.

>>69087684
Used to. It's too much of a grind to make anything on it now. US being locked out chased away all the fish. Used to be a nice little way to make some additional income.

Devastated I missed the golden age where it was just opened. I'm only moderately skilled at poker but suspect I could have made a killing.

>>69087074
are you implying this doesn't happen? what do you play with pussy ass bet limits?

>>69087541
>family dinner scene
>dad doesn't start slapping and beating his son for being a worthless piece of shit
immersion broken

>>69087541

>I-I didn't attend dad, the other kids keep bullying
>why don't you stand up for yourself you little shit? no son of mine is a weakling
>stop shouting! you're scaring him!
>shut up Martha! I'm trying to instill some balls to my son! your pathetic genes is making him weak
>stop this!
>hits mom
>cry, run to my room
>some crashing heard for about a minute
>hears a knock and mom brings my dinner and asks me to finish it, blackeye clearly visible

FUCK YOU ANON I repressed this memory already ;_;

>>69085552

>not being a King of Gamblers
>not touching the sands of hell

ZAWA ZAWA ZAWA OP

>>69088090
DID YOU SAY MARTHA?!

>>69088090
>Dat Toby Wolff home life

>>69085552
>>69087049
dumb frogposter

>>69087074
>It's a blind raising scene

>>69087541
>parents are there at dinner time
>everyone eats together
>they talk

DROPPED

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>>69086830
>character is annoyed with friend's phone use
>snatches it from their hand and throws it out a window
>friend doesn't go apeshit

>Character goes to take a shit
>Is heard from outside the shitter, exclaiming "I don't remember eating corn!"

>>69088536
>character farts throughout their dump

Does anyone actually do this?

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>>69088379

That was once what families in the 90's / early 00's did anon.

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>>69088379
>main kid has his friend sleep over at house
>abusive single mom doesn't start screaming at his older brother for something minor
>theres no awkward silence as the main kid tries to ignore it

D R O P P E D

>>69088634

>has friend sleep over at his house
>he doesn't wet the bed and try to pin it on his friend

am watching fantasy or slice of life in here?

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>character goes to piss
>doesn't clean his winkie off with a tissue

>>69088671

w-wait, is this a thing?

>>69088671

Who needs to do that when your underwear will soak up the piss?

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>bedroom scene
>girl is covered by blanket to her breasts
>guy is covered to his waist

>>69088671
I thought only women did this

>>69088697
Have you not already been doing that?

Jesus.

>>69085552
I really wish I knew how to play poker. I never have any clue what's going on anytime a poker scene happens in a movie.

I once played a game where 4 people had straight flushes

Talk about luck and probability.

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>>69088697
have fun with the infections

>>69088710
gross

>>69088560
Strangely enough the only times I ever do is in public toilets and I suspect that's because I'm clenching because I don't want to empty to quickly or make noise but end up making more noise in the process.

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>>69088710
>not keep your piss and shit away from your underwear so you can keep wearing the same pair for 3 weeks

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>American character is taking a shit
>doesn't jump in the shower and clean his asshole with the harsh shower head setting

Come on is this film or kino

>>69088671
I do this. It takes forever for me to stop pissing and there's always fucking dribbles. Pretty sure I have a urethral stricture but too lazy to go to a urologist.

>>69088725

n-no. i just wag my dick my up and down twice and tuck it in. are you serious here mate? do you really wipe it with a tissue?

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>Poker scene
>Characters are playing Omaha

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>>69088776
Literally no need to do this.

I do one wash a week on Sunday. It's easy as piss. No idea why people avoid this. If I didn't own a washing machine it would probably be different I guess, I can see myself putting it off if I had to go outside.

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>>69088720
Every fucking movie

>>69088824
No, you disgusting outlander, I wipe it with a miniature disinfectant towlette like a fucking civilized man.

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>>69088798
>when the leftover piss is just chilling in your tubes waiting for you to sit down or something before coming out

>>69088720
>>69088865

I've never had sex or kissed a girl

What happens in real life?

>>69088928
Why would she cover her boobs with a guy she is fucking?

>>69088967

I don't know
Why are you asking me I've never been in that situation

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>>69088874
Hello brother.

>>69088913
The worst I've found recently is fapping. I'll fap and it rarely shoots out any more, generally just oozes. I sit there, milking cum out of my dick and I think I'm fine so I'll put my pants on, get up and walk around and then I'll ooze a shitload more onto my boxers.

It's fucked. I really need to see a urologist.

>>69089000
>>69088928
You lay in bed naked

I guess if its cold both would cover up completely, but i live in the desert so thats not the case

>>69088090
Are you Fisk?

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>>69089000
Use your brain you dip

>>69089056

fuck off

>>69088967

To cover herself so her husband doesn't see, obviously.

I know nobody cares but today, I was in late position with KQc, limped around to me, raised 4xBB, got 2 all-in's in front of me. I folded. JJ and A7h.

Flop came AJTc. I would have flopped the royal. Fucking stupid. That's what I get for playing too tight.

>>69089134
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Who the fuck knows what any of this means. Why can't they just play War or Go Fish in movies

>>69089217
>not understanding simple poker terminology

I bet you're one of those guys that makes jokes about football being too complicated

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>recording studio
>all right, I'll give you this one last chance, better give me all you've got
>gets it right

>>69088742

your mom's husband should have taught you

>poker episode
>you're the only white guy there

>>69089134
>>69089134

everything you did was correct and you saying that you played too tight is fucking moronic

all in with KQc is a fucking stupid call. you're frequently dominated by AK and AQ. KQs is a trouble hand and best played as suited connectors. JJ was a good shove. A7s was a bad call, depending on stack sizes.

just because you flopped a royal flush once doesn't mean you should have called. thats like saying you should play 72o because a flop came 227 once.

>>69088787

i do this
not enough people do
everyone should be doing it

>>69089324

>push his shit in homie

>>69087541
Some people actually still have family dinner and don't come from broken homes where parents and children don't communicate.

Just because you had a shitty childhood doesn't mean the same for others. Shit man, I barely speak to my father and know other people have good relationships with their parents.

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>>69088090
>it aint me starts playing

>>69089342

I know dude and I'm telling myself that. It's results oriented thinking but missing a royal flush just hurts. Didn't really want to get into a race with KQ, especially with two limp-shoves and the button coming up.

I've just never hit a royal and I'm sad that I didn't make the call.

>>69089386

**and the bubble coming up

>>69089358

>not drowning out the sounds with Stan

>>69089134
You could raise even more to get more folds, however sounds like you were playing with fishes so they might call anyway. Folding is perfectly fine here, unless you had like 3 BBs left. A7 is complete spew mind you.

>>69089470

I had actually just got moved to that table in an MTT so had no reads. I had about 60 BB. A7 had maybe 30 and JJ had about 90. Not sure what A7 was doing, just donk maybe idk

>>69089412
>69089412
>>69089412


aaaaand everything i just said is null and void..

i assumed you were talking about cash.

in a tourny, your shove being correct or not depends on the size of your stack relative to the BB. i mean if you had less than 15BB, you maybe should have shoved in the first place.
but you saying you raised it to 4xBB means I assume you weren't short stacked?

and yeah, being near the bubble is scary. everyone tightens up

>>69089510
Oh yeah, and if its a tourney you don't need to raise much more then. That's just poker, you have to be able to take it mentally.

>>69089342
>>69089342
>>69089342

also, i agree with
>>69089470

a 4xBB raise would have been fine if you were first to enter, but limped around to you, you should add an additional BB per limper.

>>69089217
>>69089217

men know what this means

>>69085552
Only neets and a few sharks know how to play poker, and only normies pay for films, so it doesn't matter.

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>Protagonist faced with insurmountable opposition
>He wins anyways

>>69089573

Thinking I definitely should have made it 7BB or also considered maybe should have just limped if I wasn't comfortable shipping it in that spot

Idk, I'm still relatively new to the game but think in the long run KQ facing two all ins near the bubble is a good lay down.

Thanks for the advice though anons. Who knew /tv/ could give me hand analysis

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>>69085552
Did you watch the Gambler with Marky Mark and John Goodman? Spoiler warning but its the absolute worst offender.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FE_2VEWvEH8

>>69089661
uh... sauce?

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>>69089674
>>69089674

yeah seriously who knew /tv/ had any poker players..

also, limping here might be okay also, depending on how you want to play this hand.

if you dont hit top pair, a flush or straight draw, you could simply fold and be done with it.

or 7xBB so scare out all the weaker hands.

but i agree with you, good fold.

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>>69088671
>main character is taking a shit
>doesnt put toilet paper down on the seat before he sits down so he doesnt get germs on his ass

>>69089774

>he doesn't squat on the toilet bowl rim instead

as if putting toilet paper on the rim will help you

>only pull 4 aces one time ever
>lose

Fuck this bullshit I'm out

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>>69089029

Same thing here. Sounds harsh, but don't fap for at least like 5 days. You can do it

>>69089734
Literally says in the bottom right hand corner, faggot.

>>69089888
It's not that. I recently went 6 weeks without fapping. When I did my orgasm was fantastic and there was probably more initial volume than usual but everything else was the same. It's a stricture or blockage in the urethra, gotta be.

>>69088671
I have news for you, anon. You're a girl.

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>>69087683
>four aces
>beaten by a royal flush

>>69088787
>not having a superior japanese toilet with multi-function bidet setting

you forgot

>and there are 5 people playing......

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>Sex scene
>Get an erection.

>>69088742
It's easy and any fucking retard can understand it (actually, you shouldn't be too intelligent to play poker because you'd realize it's a dumb game). Read the rules on wiki ffs.

I like rounders because of this, the final hand has damon win off a simple straight, and bluffed kgb, rather than a royal flush vs straight flush.

>>69088720

>They set up the bed nicely so the boob covering looks more accidental and natural.
>She moves, the bedsheets move with her like they're glued to her titties

>>69088560
I do when I have diarrhea or eat too many garbanzo beans.

>>69087074
>sex scene
>"all in"

>>69091079
Yes, that's how poker works.

>>69088090
>no one cares starts playing

>>69092848
>four aces
>royal flush
Try thinking about it for a second.

>>69092933
Not all poker uses a standard, single deck.

>>69092933
>guy has 2 aces in hand
>other guy has king-queen on-suit in hand
>board is ace ace 10 jack x in any order

There you go, I did it.

>>69092933
The game is texas hold 'em you fool.

>>69092933
Have you literally never played holdem?

>>69087683
>>69091079
>>69092848
>>69092933
>>69092964
>>69092978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XunAlp2azhA

>>69087351
>Dinner scene, entire family is gathered around the table eating supper
>They are all wearing pants
>and shirts with neckties

>>69088697

Have fun with your petri underwear

>>69089134
>I would have flopped the royal. Fucking stupid

This kind of results-oriented thinking is what's stupid. Consider what you would have won versus how many times you flop bupkes or worse, a second-best hand.

Of course it's frustrating, but it's not about this pot or that pot, it's about all the pots summed over the course of a session, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime. Losers tear themselves up over woulda shoulda coulda and they start to play like losers and then they become losers.

>>69088671
>winkie
>cleans winkle, get fucking tp stuck on my uncircumcised member

>>69089718
A 50/50 isn't that egregious.

>>69089217
>Who the fuck knows what any of this means

He was playing holdem (where you only get two cards of your own). He had the King and Queen of clubs. He was one of the last to act in the first round of betting. A few people called the initial bet that the player two seats to the left of the dealer is obliged to make, but nobody raised. He put in four times as many chips as that initial forced bet, after which two other players bet all their chips.

He folded, considering the strength they had shown. The three cards that are dealt for the next round of betting were the 10, Jack and Ace of clubs, meaning he would have had a royal flush, the best possible hand in high poker and a guaranteed win.

One of the other players had two Jacks in his hand, and the other had the Ace and the 7 of hearts. A pair of Jacks is a good hand, but going all in on the first round of betting is typically the sign of a weak and/or scared player. The Ace and 7 of hearts is not a hand that most people would raise or call all their chips with, outside of certain tournament scenarios. Assuming this was a cash game, it signifies very poor or reckless play.

I typed all of this out so you could understand the sheer economy represented by the notation the other guy used.

>>69091902
>Watching movie with parents
>Rape scene
>Get an erection

>white woman fucks a guy
>he's not black


Reeee

>nobody has mentioned the cincinnati kid yet

That's a seriously fucking great movie as long as you pretend the last hand is trips into a flush instead of AAAA into a straight flush. I mean if that actually happened the Kid would just be like "OK, that's a fix."

12

>>69092964
In Vegas they use multiple for black jack, I've literally never heard of hold em or 5card using more than one deck

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>something happens
>something else happens
ree

>>69085552
...And writers try to sell this as 'skill' but the Protagonist end up coming across as a retarded luck box instead.

>tfw I'm ok with this

>>69092990
>>69092994
texas hold'em isn't poker

>>69093703

Damn right my man. Who else /razz/ here?

>>69085552
Stuff like that is why the overly cliched and drawn out poker scene killed casino royale for me. Easily the most overrated bond film ever made.

>>69093703
I guess pretending to be retarded isn't the same as actually being retarded.

>>69093810

You have to be able to enjoy that shit ironically m8. It was a £10 million sit-n-go with rebuys. Say that out loud and try not to laugh.

>i'm bleeding chips. i ain't gonna last much longer

kek. ICM mah nigga, shit's not rocket science.

>>69089893
But her name

>>69092933
My names Prost and I've never heldem

>>69085552
name 10 movies that do this

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVyhCXz3eEY

>>69094261
At least they're playing stud there. The fact that 90% of movies and shows still have people playing fucking 5CD is one of the most amusing things about how poker is shown.

>>69094419

BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!

>>69094437
>>69094261

kek, I read that as Skeletor for some reason.

>>69094419
Yeah right. I'm not falling for any of your tricks, skeleton.

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>characters play a card game that isn't poker like Baccarat
>have no idea what the fuck is going on
>mfw that scene in Goldeneye

>>69089674
>Thinking I definitely should have made it 7BB

You really think that would made JJ think twice?

Unless you were playing 1000NL or higher I seriously fucking doubt it, and given that some jackass got it in with ace rag I seriously fucking doubt you were.

All a bigger raise would have done is cost you 3 more blinds.