Write faggotry thread #21 Previous thread: http://desuarchi

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Holding onto lillithmon story

Outline: https://pastebin.com/nHUr959h

Suggested extra kinks: lactation from pent up sexual frustration, drinking milk from source, her receiving her first spanking as 'proof' of her desperation/frustration

uhoh page 10 on the last thread.

Though the only thing to cap was the ben10 thing, I can get that in a sec

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>>9344282
Ok there it is senpaitachi

>>9344362
>senpaitachi
...that's new.

Beep

Gonna post this from the last thread because it only has three views and that's criminal.
https://pastebin.com/7825JZVW

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>>9346051
Thanks, it's not often it really gets read. Like I said in the last thread, it's just the beginning. I'm kind of blocked on where to go but I have the other thread's ideas for positions, I just need to find the drive to actually write.

>and that's criminal
Thank you. That's a big compliment.

I hope the Anon who was following me up with advice is still around.

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Still not giving up on Florges toots

To keep autism contained. The idea/suggestions are linked here http://pastebin.com/Zx3Uj2QY

tl;dr Main character dominates Florges by making her embarrass herself via teasing/lewding her to fart. Stuff in pastebin are suggestions

>>9347637
March on, you trooper.

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In case that anon that flipped coin a request is there...

Still requesting smug Wendy offering a sample of her fat frexkly ass for a wary customer to try out, lewdly of course. Skirt lifting, ass grabbing, buttfuck, the works, maybe with some bury face in ass action or rimjob if that is your kink

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>>9350072
I was just thinking how I could introduce a fictitious mascot character into the real word, but it's internet porn so I guess it doesn't really matter.

I was also pondering in what way someone transforms /into/ a cloud for that other one.

Reposting in this thread for some critique.
https://pastebin.com/kSw9CdbQ
https://pastebin.com/t7pNLyFW

>>9350206
>I was just thinking how I could introduce a fictitious mascot character into the real word, but it's internet porn so I guess it doesn't really matter.

You just write them as if it's an average thing, or what I did in the case of Wendy, say it's an employee that just REALLY looks like her and then at the end slip that it somehow is her.

No one cares about logic until AFTER they cum. That's why futa exists.

Still feeling a bit under the weather, so I'm going to upload a shorter story tonight, one that will take less effort on my part to transcribe and describe. Sorry for the wait, and any subsequent disappointment that may result from reading what my phlegm-addled mind may come up with.

>>9350546
Feel better soon!

>>9350573

Thanks!

>>9350206
I say she just exists, but only shows up to those undecided about fast food brand loyalty or summoned by Wendy managers. Mystery girl fun.

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>>9350546

Finished!

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/TheDjinn/24442/Trial-by-Faoral

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10917282

I often find female on male oral scenes boring, and in porn videos they often look downright laughable at best, and gross at worse, so I don't usually write them in any sort of detail. I didn't go into a lot of detail here, either, but I hope it turned out well all the same.

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>>9346051
Still working on this, slowly.

It's enough to bump the thread.

>>9351920
Sleepy. Will read and share thoughts tomorrow or so.
>>9346051
>>9353196
So from googling a bit, a man gets an opportunity to fuck a Japanese urban legend? Seems like a bit of context is missing if there was more prior to this pastebin.

Book

>>9357568
The context is Yokai Watch game. It's kinda pokemon-ish but with mythological and other legend critters.

It is also an ongoing story, just check his pastebin page https://pastebin.com/u/Goombario

>>9358998
I.M. Meen

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So last thread I requested for a fantasy setting involving the classic scenario involving an adventurer and a Sphinx with her riddle.

He answers the riddle incorrectly knowing full well that it will result in her attacking him (not sexually). But he wants that to happen just so that after defeating her, he doms her sexually, which she does not expect.

As for the mood, I would like the Sphinx to be reluctant/unwilling but consenting, since the adventurer won the battle.

I thought someone was interested in writing it last thread

>>9350261
What franchises are involved with these stories, or are they OC?

>>9357568
>Seems like a bit of context is missing if there was more prior to this pastebin.
Like >>9359019 said, it's just a side chapter to an existing story I'm doing. I should have mentioned that, my bad.

>>9363759
All of them are just OCs.

>>9351920
Just read this.
Huh, thought you weren't into writing rape/noncon.
Not all that into BJs myself, but story makes for an okay quickie.
I know you usually don't mind a few grammar ticks, but I think there was enough runons to make a comment about them being notable. When you get over your cold, take another look and see if you can patch them up.

Not sure who Faora is in the DC verse, but seems like she wearing those traditional black tight suits. Props for trying out a bit of a lean facesitting option, even when you're sick. If it is also in your kink, you could also go into a small detail about the smell her pussy and ass were emitting upon the facesit. According to some folks, the asshole smells like concentrated sweat (and sex if masturbation took place), so that could be added in the future times you write it in.
>>9359019
>>9364614
Seems like it is quite the big story if it has 17 chapters. I think I'll stick with just the pastebin.
Feels like >>9346051 is still a WIP, though the warm-up does seem a bit realistic so far if romance is your goal. There isn't enough information to provide full feedback, so I'll wait until you finish it.

>>9368792

Violent rape I don't like, and any kind of man on female rape I don't like. "Dubious consent" I'm fine with. Double standard, I know, but if kinks made sense they wouldn't be kinks.

Faora is one of the evil Kryptonians that visit Earth in the Man of Steel movie.

>>9369859
Not sure if the rape/noncon rating is needed then if it is dubious, unless that is the intent of noncon.
So she's unique to the movie?

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>>9371399

Right, the "non-con" tag is put in as a safety measure.

She appears in other media, both before and after Man of Steel, but it's kiiinda unclear. The trio of Zod and his two cronies, one male and one female, has been pretty much consistent across all Superman stories. While Zod's name stays the same, Faora's changes. She's been known as Ursa, Mala, and Aethyr. Now personally, I say this warrants saying those are all different characters, with changing canon, but comics are funky with this kind of thing.

In any case, the version depicted in that picture, and the one described in the story, are the Man of Steel version of the character.

Write on

Book

Sharing a touhou fic I found to be quite the fun read.
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10905422/1/I-ve-Got-Strings

It's been a while since I've binge read a fic, but I liked this one. It involves a rather infamous Nile crocodile being turned into a human to be Flandre's plaything

>>9350206
Transportation error causes girl to become nothing but gas

>>9379429
Like, teleportation?

>>9379451
Yeah teleportation error, not transportation error.

>>9351920
So what's next, unless you wanna take a week off to recover

>>9383208

Haven't decided. I might go for one of the longer ones just because I've done several short ones already. I'm recovering quickly from the cold, at least. After work tomorrow I might try to get some writing done.

>>9376395
>human
I think they wanted him into a doll or homonucleus or however it's pronounced

>>9387436
The super man/Wonder woman truth rope gets my vote, since it's a mix of lewd and some humor.

>Formless God looks down at the world man created.
>Man-made rock, forged iron, melted sand.
>Yet, with each advance, there is still conflict.
>Not with nature but with itself.
>If human, the god would sigh, dejected. It's creation having gone astray.
>As if always there, a wolf, made of stars itself appears at the God's side.
>A wordless acknowledgement passes between the two.
>Canis Major howls and a breach opens.
>The spirits have returned in force.


>All across the globe, power surges and rolling blackouts happen at nearly the same time.
>People sleeping all start to dreaming of animalistic shapes and forms. Some dream that they are animals.
>The world goes into a panic
>Islam starts to cannibalize itself as it tries to purge the dreamers from it's ranks.
>The UN meets multiple times to try and figure out what these dreams mean.
>3 months after everything starts, a world census is taken.
>All of the western and eastern world has had these animal dreams.
>Basing on how the middle east is behaving and collapsing in on itself, it has to.
>Still, not even the best in the fields of Psychology and Anthropology could determine what this could mean.

>Another 3 months pass before the first Lycan is reported.

That's all i got so far. Critiques are always welcome.

>>9397021
So humans going primal sounds fair enough, but where does Lycan fall under it, is becoming a wolf+being the Ultima of God's plan?

>>9396275
That one has been swirling in my head. It allows me to essentially write several different super short stories, as Superman remembers his past conquests.

>>9397021

I've always loved stories about big global events, and reading how about how each nation handled it differently, like World War Z. North Korea just up and disappearing and no one bothering to check is my favorite.

Sounds like it could be a really neat story. Maybe have certain animals only be dreamed up in certain areas of the globe, based on whether or not those animals are native to that region. So no North American is going to dream about tigers, but they might dream about bears and mother fuckin' eagles. Those that live on islands, or even on the coast, are more likely to dream about aquatic creatures.

>>9398326
Basicly, i was inspired by how the Norse used spirits and drugs to unlock a feral battle state so im pushing in one step further. The Lycan was the first person to achieve that feral state. The Lycan had dreamt about is spirit guide before taking some illegal drugs. He shifted and gained the look of a Coyote.
>>9398746
That is actually right on the money, Anon. Have a cookie.

Ba-bump

>>9399828

Sounds like you're checking a lot of my boxes off. Look forward to reading more.

>>9402866
I'll be writing more tomorrow when i can flesh somethings out.

Book

>>9399828
That sounds like some interesting stuff actually. Might give it a read if you flesh it out

>"This is really bad and boring"
>"Why does it seem so boring though?"
>Realize it's quite literally the second time I've ever made something with human on human, losing the exoticness of a nonhuman partner

Huh

(this is just a fancy bump)

>>9413028
Um thanks

>>9397021
>Police of British Colombia had to take a tranquilizer to the person.
>He took 5 darts before the drugs took hold. >News sources were quick to report and the government tried their best to put a lid on the situation.
>Another report appeared in North Dakota 3 days later.
>As more and more reports came in, it was impossible for any government to contain it.

>Canis Major was given the task of watching earth as it transitioned
>The spirit wolf did so dutifully as God had deemed it.
>Below, more people had dreams, the Ethereal World starting to merge and effect the Material World.
>In a matter of months following the reports, paranormal and unexplained phenomena saw a rise as well.
>The end times were called for as well (because that's just what happens when crazy shit goes down)

>1 year and 3 months after the rolling global black outs, The first non-ape animal gained sentience.
>A grey Tabby Steet cat spoke this word to a food peddler in Central Park
>"Food?"

The spirits are shifting reality, making it more malleable for themselves. The world is becoming dangerous and mysterious again.

Sorry it's taking so long for me to write the 2B and the Lilithmon stories. Working on a big assignment for work, so that's eating up a lot of my writing time. Once it's finished, I should have some more free time.

>>9420291
Relax bud. Job comes first. Thread also moves slow, so take your time. Will look forward to lillithmon when you get the chance

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>>9347637
Hey, I've been meaning to work on this for a while, but I couldn't come up with anything past the introduction because my writing is total garbage. I did draw an illustration though, so I figure I may as well post that in case you'd like it. I might try writing again later.

>>9423207
Oh! It was nice of you to draw something like it though. Would you be willing to share what you've written so far?
Would you also be willing to make her nude in the pic too?

>>9423207
hot

>>9418081
>Been writing WarioWare stories for 10 years
>Ashley x Penny Crygor ended up being my "OTP" after I learned what the fuck that meant
>WarioWare is still fucking semi-obscure in some places so no one reads it

It was fun to write for myself, though.

>>9427671
>10 years
Do you have a collection of what you've written for warioware?

>>9420291
there's always a time and place for 2B booty

Ba-bump

>>9427671
Let's see

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Requesting a story about the everyday life of some girl who was the test subject for a human cattle experiment that got busted wide open.

So instead of spending her life as a test subject she has to do everyday life while at the same time being absolutely fucking massive like picture related.

Just a whole lot of embarrassment and awkward situations with her huge body.

>>9420291
Sounds fair enough. I dont mind waiting for content, as it's something I'm used to.
Also, not sure if you saw, but gonna add another suggestion to 2B story
>would it be possible to describe that feeling of 9S's nose in anus aspect as well if you're into that?

>>9437860

Not personally into the whole nose in butt thing, but if I can find a way to fit it in there, I don't see why not.

>>9424971
my undead zombie witch can't be this cute

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>>9428160
Yeah, I started in 2007. The quality fluctuates so much that it's embarrassing. It's one of the stories where looking back I can tell when I started to care about grammar and shit like that.

Here's one of the later chapters.

https://pastebin.com/1t8X8MAR

Ashley and Penny have been a couple for a long time at this point, and IIRC their co-workers already know.

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>tfw you have several fapfic ideas for a currently popular (but mediocre) series and you've started putting words down but you can't quite break the threshold of giving enough of a fuck to finish it
>tfw you're considering trashing that and working on ideas for a dying fandom instead because you like the characters better
I don't understand how bandwagoning fags do it.

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There's a story about this pic in https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=1360924

>>9445979
>2007
Holy shit back then I was in middle school.
The party in the chapter seems like fun/lively though. Have you ever considered rewriting it a decade later now?

>>9448532
>Have you ever considered rewriting it a decade later now?
Not really. WarioWare's still my favorite vidya series and Ashley's still my favorite character, but I'm really vain and my writing anything boils down to whether it gets interest or not. It's a problem I really, really need to fix.

>>9445979
why these two specifically. Are they just cute together?

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Anchor posting for Bunny Mint story

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Holy shit I managed to meet my Sunday deadline.

Here's the Daughters of Aku story:

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/TheDjinn/24497/Stealing-Life-from-Samurai

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10967340

The final version is not much different from the greentext version. I was pretty happy with the greentext version, so I didn't change or add much. Lots of sentence fragments in this one, I know, but that's by design.

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>>9446536
What's the fandom?
Also big birdy bump

>>9451288
I think so, personally. I've liked Ashley since I first saw her in Touched, and the same with Penny in Smooth Moves. I just couldn't picture either of them with any of the male cast.

emergencybump

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Been wanting this for a while now but...

http://landonbay.deviantart.com/art/Autzen-s-story-ch-4-page-39-414290765
http://landonbay.deviantart.com/art/Autzen-s-story-ch4-page-40-414856423

Can someone rewrite these pages so that Autzen ends up having an accident in his diaper? Maybe also adding a little bit more "suspense" during his long hold? Might want to check out previous pages to know more about this autistic Buizel character.

>>9409063
What comic is this?

>>9457724
Alright, just read this.

This is actually a decent example of usage of sentence fragments that makes sense in context, and it reminds me of a few of the older episodes of Samurai Jack, the kinds that focused less on action and more on letting the enviornment or memories tell the story. Instant, choppy, short, all of which work to make a teaser of sorts to let the audience come to their conclusion as to what is being experienced. So yes, it fits well and most importantly remains consistent when needed.
This reminds me, how often do you write gangbangs? Are they mostly just multiple women on one man or vice versa?
>>9468684
a one-shot pic that someone translated on Pixiv

>>9469568
> it reminds me of a few of the older episodes of Samurai Jack

Kinda what I was going for, actually. Glad it was picked up.

>This reminds me, how often do you write gangbangs? Are they mostly just multiple women on one man or vice versa?

Rarely. Usually, at most, it's a threesome, but I've written at least one scene that had five partners. It's always been one guy, rest women, however. Not adverse to it, just not drawn to it. If a story idea comes along and I think a one-female-gang bang would work, I'd probably put it in.

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>>9469568
>>9470177
>gang bang talk
This reminded me of that risky boots request I sent out months ago. I think it got pushed aside in favor of other stuff, but I just remembered it. I think you had interest in it before, so I'll post it again.

>Risky boots from Shantae series getting raided by an enemy pirate ship and getting her booty taken, including her. Small crew preferred, but would be cool if they group up on her for lewds. Yes this means she eventually gets fucked in the pussy and ass at the same time

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>>9470789
I did have some interest in the idea, purely because I had just finished Pirate's Curse, and adored Risky Boots and her design. I believe the reason I didn't move forward with that idea is because I've never written a gang bang with just one woman before, or many gang bang scenes in general. I came to the conclusion that there was likely someone who was a far better fit for your idea than I was, because I would hate to give you back something that you weren't satisfied with.

I hate saying outright no to a request, though, and I've been trying out new ideas for stories to see if I can do the fetishes justice. I'm still working on a couple other projects, but I've nearly finished all my greentext rough drafts, so time is freeing up a little bit. I also have those other two requests to start, and to those ORs I'll say that I am always thinking over ideas on how best to write your story ideas.

If I do do the Risky Boots gangbang fic, it'll likely be shorter rather than one of the 5k+ ones. But who knows, I may get a burst of inspiration and just keep on writing and writing.

>>9471491
It would make a good practice I think, so go for it. I'll see if I can find anything useful that might help

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I got a good feeling about this.

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https://pastebin.com/7825JZVW

I added another 3 paragraphs to this, but the reason I'm posting it again is because I'm working on it right now and wanted to keep any Anons interested updated.

Beep

>>9485024
Boop

>>9450027
How does such a problem can be fixed, assuming the 'write for you' speech doesn't work?

Here's some ideas:

1.) Sofia the First- Sofia and her step siblings going full Lannister. Sofia has been fucking both of her step siblings separately, with Amber she is the assertive top and with James Sofia plays at the submissive bottom. But she really wants them both at the same time, so she tricks them into sleeping with each for blackmail material.

2.) Monster High- While Frankie Stein is a virgin, her body parts aren't. She has the muscle memory of a slut

3.) Attempted Small Penis Humiliation- A squad of cheerleaders or various races accost a white nerd. They're holding him down in the girls; locker room humiliate him. But it turns out he has a big dick, so now they're daring each other to see how much of it they can handle

4.) Nonplussed Cucking- Wife is cucking husband, but he doesn't care. Example: She's sucking her black lover off at the table while he reads the paper, she's going "Nigger cocks taste so good!" Husband keeps reading the paper, says, "I'll have to take your word for it, sweetie." Wife is pissed and tells her lover to "act blacker" Lover is getting really uncomfortable.

5.) Monster High- Draculaura slaking her thirst for semen at a glory hole.

6.) 6teen- Caitlin fingering herself behind the counter of the Lemon

7.) 6teen- Jen super aggressively riding someone's face

>>9491189
Speaking of Sofia, I was working on an idea myself. Tell me what you think.

It's based on the episode where she creates an evil twin of herself. This twin decides to ruin her reputation, having sex with the palace guards, the king's knights, any man she can in the castle.

She learns that Sofia's mother was a village slut and married the king because she was a good fuck. She also learns that Amber fucks the knights and is just as slutty as their mother, if not more so.

>>9492336
Sounds good to me.

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As soon as I'm done with my other projects, you can expect some content around this new hotness. Once I get some story ideas for her, at least.

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>>9350072
>Lost track of time because I have a terrible concept of time and memory
>Worrying about inane garbage every line
>Only up to 2000 words

good stuff

In the mood to write some ballbusting, probably with some actual sex thrown in. Any requests? Bonus points if it's furry/non-human.

>>9494810
...butt hey! Sounds like progress was made.
Some.
I'm still around, so I'll still be seeking an eye out.

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>>9495113
>ballbusting
Yossi sounds like the perfect shortstack for such a job to do. She's got the hips for days and is kinda the gal to strut around what's she got.
I can offer a specific scene in mind if needed

>>9494335
No idea what this is but I'd fuck that. She reminds me of a mix of Frankie Foster and Vicky if she was done by Zone.

>>9465618

Also what are everyone's thoughts on such request, would something like this be even remotely possible to get delivered?

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>>9495950

Villainos, a series of shorts on CN that air in Mexico. Some leaked footage shows that an English dub is in the works, and people are pushing hard to get it shown here in the states.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3wdXO651Po

The fan art is already pouring in.

>>9495256
I'm not sure I can even think of anything save for another 500 words, and that'll just be the ending.

>>9496848
this gives me some mad Evil Con Carne vibes. I like it!
Maybe the shorts can be made into a series on CN to break the Teen Titans Go! domination going on over here.
...A man can dream.

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>>9496933
>this gives me some mad Evil Con Carne vibes. I like it!

Same here. There's some fan art out there of the casts of Villianos and Evil Con Carne meeting up. But rather than post that, have some more Dementia art instead.

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>>9497556

>>9497981

God bless the Internet.

>>9498053
Shame it's not an actual video. I hope Zone sees her and makes her the bi-yearly video.

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postin' up my writing blog. doing commissions and such, and just put up a story about a guy getting his mind put into a female goblin breeder

http://luffy316.blogspot.com/

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Bump.

buuump

>>9502405
If I believed even a fraction of what this said, I'd be the most delusional person on the planet.

>>9503371
I think it's meant for depressed people.

>Working on a story
>Resisting the urge to re-post it every few hours for bumps and updates
>Telling myself it pisses the thread off to prevent it.

/fishing

>>9503501
Honestly it pisses me off when we get endless bumps that get deleted afterwards.
I doubt anyone gets angry over actual content.

>>9495374
Specifics would be great! She's cute -- love a gal with strong legs.

>>9492336
Looking forward to it.

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>>9503895
Well, I'm not sure of the show specifics, but as a foxy shortstack she could do wonders on an anon's lap, and those two tails could do to entice and tickle his balls, but most importantly they can double to construct and thwack at them if anon gets too frisky (or if she's feeling naughty herself).
She should chatise him for being attracted to someone of such a small stature, probably even questioning if he deserves to have the balls to try someone on that side.
If she proceeds to have sex with him, those tails can also be used to spank his balls either to keep him in check or make him go faster.

Optionally such a short fox lady can also sit on his face while messing with his junk like a slapstick comedy.

>>9361195
Damn, liking this idea. Almost feel like testing whether I still have a writer's block, but delivering would honestly be unlikely. Hopefully that other anon is still interested.

>>9492336
>>9491189
Maybe we can have Sofia and Amber drinking cum out of tea cups like proper princesses.

>>9503501
If you already posted it, why not just bump the post instead of pasting the same link

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>>9343640
Requesting story of Nick Wilde changing species and genders -- or turning into a female Zoot character besides Judy.

It's been a while, but here's another update for Stranded.
https://pastebin.com/uHEG5Tci

If you need to catch up, everything before is here.
https://pastebin.com/u/BaselineAnon

The updating will continue to be unpredictable, but I'm still here.

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Page 10 bump, new waifu edition

>>9465618
bump

>>9484003
Updated again.

>>9492336
Any progress?

>>9524558
To be honest I could have sworn I wrote a lot for it months ago, but I can't find it anywhere now.

So unfortunately not yet.

>>9524570
Buck up, I'm sure it's somewhere.

Up

>>9511930
Good to hear from you, BaselineAnon.

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https://pastebin.com/CN16bXeK

>>9503895
still there?

>>9499822
So I looked through some of your stories. Some of the characters/franchises are a bit hard to imagine without an image to reference them, if they are fanfiction or works based off a pic. Do you think you could at them at the start of each story someway (whether by linking offsite or posting directly onto the blog)?

book

>>9536757
yo

>>9537492
Hi

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Page 10 bump, "dreams of what could have been" edition

>>9540164
Any others like that?

>>9540599

I hope so, but none that I've found.

>>9540926
I'll keep a look out either way.

>>9372266
So what's next for this week?

>>9547505

Maybe one of my OC stories, like the pirates, elves, or succubus one.

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Requesting female Anthro killer bees "punishing" a male human trespasser that stole their honey

Write

>>9555403
no

Would anyone be willing to write this?

>Guy decides he'd like to be a woman. Starts taking medicine to prepare for a sex change.
>His body gets more feminine, but his dick doesn't shrink. It actually gets larger.
>He gets hard quicker, cums faster, and has much better orgasms the more feminine he gets. His balls grow too.
>Looks like a shemale with a really huge, juicy dick.
>Has to masturbate multiple times a day.
>Finally comes time for him to get a sex change.
>Arrives at the office, trying to hide his huge erection.
>Enters the room, strips off his clothes.
>His dick is throbbing and leaking precum.
>They rub it with a gel that will keep it from being so sensitive.
>Just being touched is enough for it to cum, and it stays mostly hard and incredibly sensitive anyway.
>They soak it in cold water until it starts to shrink slightly.
>Then it cums again, almost causing the guy to collapse from the intensity.
>He lays down on the table so they can do the operation, almost unable to keep still.
>Nurse puts the anesthetic mask over his face.
>He cums insanely hard without any warning.
>His dick is constantly shooting out cum, his ass is clenching, his balls are red and pulled tight, and every second it's getting more intense.
>He's only kept conscious by the strength of his orgasm.
>The operation is stopped, because they can't do it while he's clearly conscious.
>Rather than trying again, the guy decides he's going to keep his now huge and sensitive dick.
>Ends with him as a 10/10 shemale with a perfect ass, sexy balls, and a giant cock.

>>9558296
I guess /d/ said no, huh?

Book

So I want to pull the trigger and make a Patreon soon, as well as set up commission prices. The commission stuff I know the basics on. The going rate of $1 per 100 words (though I may go for less just to be competitive, may not). What I could use some tips on is the Patreon.

So I know Patreon has a lot of different ways to pay the creator. I believe one is that I wouldn't get paid monthly unless I put out a certain amount of content. I feel like having this condition would make people more willing to offer up money if they knew it was always going to produce content, and if I didn't meet my quota, they don't have to pay. Was curious if that kind of system appeals to potential patrons.

The one aspect I'll need to get the most feedback on are the patron rewards. What to offer up for each tier of money. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, either as a current patron for something else or a patreon creator, I'd love to hear it! Making enough money doing this to make it my full time job would be amazing.

>>9465618
bump thread for this

bump again

rip

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>>9350072
That was the longest I ever put off doing something, and it wasn't even close to worth the wait.
At least it was fun to make.

https://pastebin.com/ikucxjnx

And now, I never want to glance at it ever again.

what am I doing awake bump

a

>>9549242
The mood for pirate booty might be nearby, so I vouch for that.
>>9566504
This is usually a hard choice to make, because then you'd have to choose whether you want commissions to be your main source of income or the Patreon to be it. If you're distrusting of the Patreon (it is often used for paywall bullshit for instance), you could simply make it into a tip jar. No benefits given to patrons except your gratitude for putting out content at an assumingly fast rate. Perhaps if you get a decent following or already have a big fanbase you could then offer rewards.

Rewards are a bitch. Since writing is a bitch in itself, it might not be recommended to just offer a commission for anyone that patrons you, especially if you have a huge following (I.e: if you promise those that pay $10 a month for a commission that is X words and you have 10 patrons in this area, that would be 10 full fledged stories you'd have to write in a month assuming you do them a story a week. This piles up if the quota is not met).

In terms of rewards, you could possibly add more kinks that don't appeal to you as the prize (assuming you djinn, furry/feral like Pokémon might be a place to start), with the less appealing things going higher up. Not counting extreme fetishes, I assume rape would probably be the highest in that regard.

This comes from someone a bit disgruntled by the Patreon system, so take that as what you will. /Aco/ has a commission thread that might be more helpful (and is the only thread on the entirety of 4chan where you can actively shill without getting banned), though there are more artists than they are writefags.

>>9577239

Thanks for the tips! I like the idea of it becoming a tip jar, and being used in conjunction with a commission system (something else I need to familiarize myself with, like how to accept payments).

>>9572798
>fun to make
>never want to look at it again
out of curiosity, what kind of thinking process is this? Wouldn't it be usually 1:1 (fun to make, would do again and vice versa)?

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>>9578321
Just because it was fun doesn't mean I like the end result. It was entertaining to think up all the things that happened, but I can't say with any amount of truth that it's a good end result.

Though mostly the reason I don't want to look at it is because I would spend hours just having it in the background while I would stress on what to do next, never making any progress.

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Page 10 bump

Story will likely be late again this week. Been working on it in stages, but I've had zero energy today so progress is slow.

>>9572798
Well it's not too bad, if just a bit on the quick side, just like fast food. How long have you been in the writing stuff?
the only real eye raiser is a missed opportunity

>I want you to fuck me raw over this table
I prefer my burgers well done

>>9578321
>what kind of thinking process is this?
Typical artist thing. Once you're done with a project you've been working on for a while, you really don't want to think about or look at it for a while. When you look back on it you tend to think about all the flaws in it and the things you could've done better.

>>9465618
bump

>>9588554
>How long have you been in the writing stuff?
Pffft, I dunno, when was /pfg/ actually alive and constantly posted in?

b

Sup everyone. Writing a script based on my FNV idea last thread. No one probably cares, but I'm happy.

>>9594173
No one cares about anything in these threads unless it's something they requested.

>>9594211
I figured that ages ago when a dipshit that doesn't understand how to use pastebin became everyone's favorite guy round here, man

>>9594279
Posting greentext within the thread helps to give it more content, though.

>>9595174
If the objective is to deliver content, it can be done through pastebin without eating 10+ bumps in the span of twenty minutes. Blockposting isn't effective bumping because of how close in succession the story segments are, negating the effect of the multiple posts as their bump impact is closer to that of a single post rather than multiple ones.

His stories are decent too I guess, but it gets old fast having to sift through blockposts of some random story on here. It also trains lurkers/readers to look for chainposts rather than individual links, meaning someone can post a small finished request link inbetween two dumps and go completely unnoticed.

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>>9585041

Finished the pirate story, though I'm not 100% satisfied with it. Don't know why but I just wasn't feeling that in the mood to write this week. Maybe I'll go back one day and make adjustments to it.

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/TheDjinn/24574/A-Choice-of-Chests

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11031702

>>9595740

Honestly wasn't aware it was a problem. I liked doing it, too, because that one anon was nice enough to screencap them in a nice, presentable way.

At the very least, I haven't done any greentext in this thread, so there's that.

>>9595795
Just read this.
The first half felt more like a battle between the embodiment of lust and greed, with the winner being quite obvious. Though to think that she had her way with every one of those crew members before acquiring the captain must be some unique level of torture.
Unfortunately the second half doesn't quite live up as much to the lewd hype brought up from her escapades, not counting the abridged lewds near the end. I'd thought both of them would be a lot more vocal with their acts, swearing and shit, especially from the captain, who would've been ravaging a treasure that everyone got a share of but him.

Maybe it was an off day indeed.

>>9594279
>>9595740
>>9595885
In relation to greentext dumping, there's usually the common courtesy of letting an anon finish writing the story before posting (especially on slower boards unless author says otherwise), but this was the norm back years ago in 4chan, where greentext stories were more common back then. Things may have changed since, but I personally don't have a problem with it, considering this thread moves at a much slower pace. If the board speeds up significantly then it might be a problem.

>>9596998

>I'd thought both of them would be a lot more vocal with their acts, swearing and shit, especially from the captain, who would've been ravaging a treasure that everyone got a share of but him.

That was indeed the original plan. I don't often write dialogue during sex, but I planned to do it with this one. Clearly, that plan fell through. Did a lot of writing throughout the week, so maybe I was just burned out. When I'm more in the spirit of things, I do want to go back and follow through with that plan, though. Thankfully HF and AO3 both allow for easy editing. Still wanted the story posted, though, just to maintain the somewhat-consistency I've been going for.

>>9595885
It is not a problem at all, don't worry about one spaz hating on it.

>>9597259
Do you still have plans to add those sectonia scenes in that other story as well?

>>9598702

With the improved tit and ass play? Yes.

>>9524570
Any luck?

>>9590276
Apparently that was a year ago, damn, time flies.
I miss how slow /trash/ was.

Book

>>9601906
confound being mainstream

>>9601906
>>9590276
sounds like a good excuse to share what stories you made for /pfg/

>>9566504
Patreon is shit for writers unless you have a vagina or a rich following.

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>>9572798
>Was going to write my own Wendy's thing
>Read this

Goddamn it, Anon, quit making me have to remind myself of this picture.

>>9615505
I'd rather not, mostly because I already did that when the bumping was getting to be too annoying for me.
Besides, one of the things I made for /pfg/ I consider to be one of the worst things I made, and that's saying a lot seeing as how I already have a low opinion of almost everything else.

>>9617771
If you somehow think that what I made will be superior to whatever you have in mind, I can tell you already that's not even close to the truth.
I'm also certain you have a better concept for "fictional fastfood restaurant mascot" porn, so go for it, mate.

>>9577873
>something else I need to familiarize myself with, like how to accept payments
Not a user myself, but from some discussions I've seen between various artists: paypal invoices is the go-to. And do not mention anything lewd in any description field, or you'll get banned.

>>9577873
>>9577239
in terms of commissions for NSFW goodies, there's one for people wanting to send money for commission:
http://shit-bin.tumblr.com/post/99556775047
You should always share this with the person in mind, even if they have done it before, since paypall is kinda strict that way.

There's also one for sending invoices.
http://shit-bin.tumblr.com/post/102578761652

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>>9617711
Goal was to get a following before going for a Patreon. Don't know if I have a rich one, but I guess we'll see.

>>9619334
I had read that, yea, that Paypal does not do porn transactions, officially.

>>9620506
Nice! This is very helpful, thank you. Have an amusing picture as thanks.

>mostly human request that could and should be on /aco/

Dropped

>>9622901
ok, bye

>>9622901

/aco/ doesn't allow writefag threads. Maybe if the thread had the stipulation that all content be Western comics and cartoons related it'd be okay, but who knows.

>>9623868
I think they get deleted because of a lack of pics. Mods and jannies are anal about that.

In any case, there is one going but the writer has stopped posting for some reason. Maybe hijack that one.

>>>/aco/1414325

Just finished this after a few days. Next update for Baseline is here, now with a happy breakfast scenario-
https://pastebin.com/ejkdfKT3
Can't believe that I'm sitting at 26 chapters now. Have fun reading. I'll keep hopping back and forth between this and Stranded every update, which should be at least once a week at this rate.

>>9624219

Eh, no point in hopping in a new thread. After the two requests I still need to finish here, I'm taking a break from requests.

>>9626051

26? Impressive. Most I've done is 11.

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>>9622901
If you don't like the requests that are present, make requests for something else.

up

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/TheDjinn/23238/Beautys-Bountiful-Bouncy-Backside/60463/Chapter-1/Return-to-Lumoise
Hey djnn, I noticed that this story never got onto A03. You think you can publish it over there too?

night bump

>>9638389
>I have a heart fetish, as in listening to women's heartbeat
But why? I know that's a stupid question. But why?

>>9638389
Out of all my hanging around the weird fetish chats you're about a third person I've met with that particular perk.

Do you also like the cartoonish "heart jumping out" thing?

>>9638597
Fetish. Sometimes they're just random.

>>9632455

That's the one! So for awhile now I've noticed AO3 has one less story than HF, and I couldn't figure out why. I thought I had compared all the stories to see all were on both, but I must have overlooked that one. Yes, I will add it right away. Thanks for catching it!

>>9638597
Not him, but I can indulge in it a bit.

I think it's a bit of a natural instinct, much like the rumbling of food in a stomach that can make someone close to said stomach shudder. When you feel a heartbeat (or in a doctor's case, feel and hear it) it gives a feeling of power for the whole body. The steady tempo of the best, how it rises and falls depending on the situation or nervousness, thr knowledge about the importance of the heart, all is crucial to maintain the body and understand the beat. In terms of touch, one could assume they can feel the very life pulse in their palm or instrument. If they're lovers, the feeling of the rising heartbeat will reflect on both parties until they beat in synch, mending into something similar to that of a dance.

There's a distinct closeness about being around a heartbeat that enchances the lewd levels some, but that's just me.

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>>9638859

Added: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11055003

>>9638870
>>9638597
>>9638832
Same guy, just remembered to add a comparison.

The best I could compare it to would be music, where in loud clubhouses you could feel the music coarse through your body, particularly the chest/stomach area. Whether it makes you uncomfortable or make you dance with the beat is up to you to decide, and depends how often the beats drop from the song's tempo. Personally, I never liked rapid beats for this reason because it makes my heart beat way too quickly, but smoother, strong beats can help out me in a swaying motion.

The heartbeat is a powerful side effect of the heart, and a potentially powerful tool if used correctly in writing, and can help make a balance between a romantic unity of hearts or a lustful built-up and release of emotions.

So I think the heartbeat fetish revolves around the feeling, the tempo, and the implications of the beats.

Book it

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>>9638597
OR here. I really don't know to this day. I got this fetish since I was a toddler like 4 or 5 and its been with me ever since. In fact >>9638870 did a very good job explaining some of the reasons why I like it.

It's also the whole doctor-patient play scenario that I like where the patient is very much expose yet compliant (even if they may not like it) for you to explore and probe as you please

>>9638832
I am not much into that aspect of the heart fetish, though I know lots of cardiophiles who like it. I am more into medical exams and equipment.

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Sorry this has taken so long. Started a new job recently, that involves writing, so most of my writing energy has gone into that. But I didn't want this request to collect cobwebs, so I've created an outline for the 2B/9S assplay story.

https://pastebin.com/AGH4bk0i

Tell me what you think, and then I'll get started on it as soon as I can. After that, Lilithmon story. Maybe take care of that Sectonia fix in between.

>write a couple stories, gets a little attention
>write a feeder fic for shits and giggles
>people gobble it up like no tommorow
Is- Is this the power of fetishes? I don't even like weight gain stuff but I could get use to these (you)s

>>9649138
OR. The outline is nifty I think. I have a few alternative scenarios for introducing a scene or two.

Perhaps instead of kicking him down for the face sitting, they could be climbing up a ladder but she stops for a moment, distracting 9S with her panty/leotard clad ass before sliding down on ladder without warning and landing on his face in the bottom, leading to the surprise face sitting. The surprise can also make 9S panic some, spanking and hard grabbing her ass until he realizes the situation.

I can assume 9S will spank her more than once for line 16?

She also has some grade A thighs, so maybe those can be put to use for the first sex scene before he penetrates her.

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why is it so difficult to find good male reader x female character stories?

>>9651577
Don't underestimate the power of fetishes. The more obscure the different kinds of (You) you will get. Don't get too used to them though since they may cloud a story if indulged too much.
>>9651903
Sounds like a second person story. They're harder to come across since it usually isn't recommended to write in second person. Your best bet is to find a first person story that can do a similar job, assuming the description does not need to state that it is male reader x female character

>>9638389
Do you have any examples of fics with it? I'm curious to see how they manage to go about it without repetition.

Here's a strange one: anyone have stories about sex involving Mecha, robots, or Mecha suits?

>>9652947
Thanks, I'll check them out.

>Their quality however are questionable and average at best.
I am all too familiar with masses of fetishists heaping likes and upvotes on anything that touches their button, regardless of quality.

>>9652162
A couple of heart fetish fiction

https://www.literotica.com/s/arresting-palpitations
This one has been around for a long time, featuring non-con

https://pastebin.com/Yq48MZb2
Here is another fanfiction featuring Samus from Metroids

>>9653033
I have got the links saved already anyway.

But specific links for a quick look are much appreciated.

>>9652990
Sorry! I deleted my post earlier cause I thought of a better way to post a few stories here >>9653026 (You)
Did you still want those websites?

And yeah, thanks to exposure on here and /d/'s writing board I am craving for better quality works...but its not easy finding one (and I can't get off my own works)

>>9652893
I think I might've made something with one of the Titanfall robots a long time ago, one of the humanoid variety.
Though I don't remember it being sex, just a handjob or something.

I suggest you check out the robot threads on /aco/, they might have some written works.

>>9651840

Hm, the ladder scenario might be tricky. The way it's written now, it's all contained within one conversation, with 2B not satisfied until she's certain 9S is done being fascinated by her ass. I can't think of how she would get up on a ladder like that, naturally. Perhaps she could keep her intentions unknown, asking 9S to lie down. He's unsure of what's happening, but so far he's liked it, so he doesn't complain. Then as he's looking up, she stands over him and then drops down, landing her ass on his face. The surprise of it would cause him to, like you said, spank and grab at her ass until he calms down.

Absolutely there will be a lot of spanking.

Thigh-fucking? I think I can work that in. After getting him hard again, she could ask him to stand back up, and as soon as he does, she pins him to the wall, her ass pressed against him, and confronts him about his fascination with her thighs. She says she doesn't want to spend all day on this, so hastens the process by asking him to rub his cock between her thighs, rather than go through the whole senses-sensation test. If you do want him to taste, smell, slap, etc., her thighs, I can put that in, though it'll be more summarized than with the ass bit.

After playing with her thighs or not, he gets to sawing his cock through her thigh gap. As he's doing it, 2B gets aroused with his prick rubbing up against her pussy, and either cums from that novel sensation, or stops him mid-thigh-fuck and puts him into her pussy to continue the fucking until completion. Then the story continues as normal. Personally I think the switch from thigh-fucking to pussy-fucking, before he finishes, works best.

If these changes sound good, let me know. If not, I can make some further changes.

>>9651903

2nd person stories are tough to write, at least for me. I've only done one, and while I enjoyed doing the greentext, the final product will not be 2nd person, but likely 3rd.

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Bump that rump

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>>9651577
Yeah, more or less. If you can find an intersection of content you're willing to write and content people around you are willing to read, you'll do pretty well. That said, don't get yourself trapped in writing something you don't care about. You'll get plenty of (You)s but eventually you'll get sick of not writing what you want.

>>9652893
To add to what >>9653892 said, /d/, /u/, and /y/ also have robot threads.

>>9655156
Ah, I see what you mean. Well, I guess that scenario for facesitting can work too, along with the thighjob. I don't think they are in need of focus for the other senses, but it would be nice if he squeezed them thighs during the thighjob instead of a summary.
This works. Go forward with it.

>>9657128

Alright, sounds good. I'll start as soon as I can!

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Strange-selfcest-scenario-to-inspire-someone-to-write-about-it bump

How can I get over needing attention to be able to write?

If my stories don't get comments, I feel they were worthless.

>>9663685
Seek improvement

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>>9663685
While I agree it's a bummer to receive little to no feedback on your work, if you need constant external motivation to write, you may want to reconsider the reason why you write and if you actually like writing.

If you're only posting works here and not getting enough feedback, consider posting on other sites as well.

>>9663685

Best thing to do is to comment and rate the works of others. They'll no doubt read those, possibly go to your profile, and if you've written anything they have a higher likelihood of commenting on your stuff, too. It's something I need to do more frequently, but I know works.

Is anyone here capable of doing story edits or something?

>>9664101
Story edits? Like proofreading, or slightly changing up a fic so the events and characters are different?

Uo

>>9664598

Slightly changing up a fic so the events or outcomes are different.

>>9667936
That's almost like fanfiction of fanfiction. Pretty sure the edges of reality start to warp if you do that.

>>9669019
The rabbit hole goes all the way down.

>>9653026
Alright so, the pastebin fic.

Overall, action by action, seems ok written, with the exception of verb tenses being given off to RNG reign.

So, just focusing on heartbeat and activity that makes it go up. Ok.
Some mentions of anatomy bits that I have no idea what they are without looking up wikipedia... But I suppose fans of the fetish would know all the pertinent bits.
EKG got brought but but kinda dropped out of focus quickly...

>>9669019
Talking about something like this.
>>9465618

>>9670761
Talking about /something else/ like that request, or just trying to bring it up again in hopes somebody catches on this time?

>>9672946
Sometimes you should just let dying things die.

>>9663923
>glass
That's easy mode for masochist desu. Going all out would require only bareback to balance all that

>>9617771
as a reminder: The two-cake theory is always true. Don't feel discouraged just because it already exists.

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>>9638898
Bootyfull

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https://pastebin.com/3sBXuw07

Quick warm-up smut that just came to mind and I started letting it flow. WIP but posting for bump's sake.

Don't expect a masterpiece, this is just generic fap fuel I put out to get myself ready to write actual important stuff for the day.

Again, it's not going to be some romantic, deep thing. It's meant (or will be meant once it's done) for people to fap to.

>>9686341
What kinks can I expect once you finish it?

>>9689270
Voyeurism mostly. Not sure what else.

>reviving

>>9597259
So what's on the agenda this week?
(Bump)

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>>9533537
usually I end up leaving them open-ended for the imagination while giving some base details. mental images tend to change for me a lot

however, given its popularity, I did hire one for the Goblin Diaries stories pic related
https://www.patreon.com/posts/goblin-diaries-7835921

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>>9696987
samefag here with a fairly recent cap

>>9698022
...I didn't know I wanted stimulation of the head to be a thing until now

>>9694623

It's between a long one and a short one. I really want it to be the former, because it's a bit different than how I usually do things. I want to see if it works out, but the decision of which will come down to how much time and energy I have.

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Requesting a story about a young, recently independent, sexually repressed and somewhat perverted man (Early 20's or late teens) buying a GroBot and living out all of his gay sexual fantasy's with him. (like pec fucking or getting dommed by the bot) The GroBot should have human level AI, but still having robot quirks as well as being subservient to his owner. And of course muscle growth. Lot's of muscle growth.

>>9670622
Yeah these fics usually involves lot's of mention about heartbeat activity including sound and rate.
If you REALLY want to be detail anatomy is mentioned too
And grammar is not something that is paid much attention too (most everyone is focused on story and action)

Personally for me, I am very much interested in intro and build-up before the action and in terms of heart stuff, I am more into the medical examination and equipment side of it.

You interested in writing one?

Book

>>9707208
made to order

>>9343640
The actual post count of this thread is 352.
About 120 of those are bumps that are endlessly spammed then deleted.

It's very clear this is a dead thread.

>>9698022
this was also a story? Got a link to the full deal?

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Decided to go with the Wonder Woman story this week, because her movie released this weekend.

http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/TheDjinn/24649/Wonder-Womans-Sexual-Challenge

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11095623

Can anyone here give me tips on keeping focused on writing? Like how to write the whole draft without stopping every paragraph and sitting just whining internally?

>>9715869
Set a daily quota/limit. 1000 words a day, 100-250 words at a time. Give yourself something to do after you write. Like have a Netflix show queued up, go out and get lunch. Try to take your mind off of what you just wrote, maybe? I can give tips on how to manage your time so you can write, but I don't think I have any sound advice for stopping yourself for over-analyzing what you have written.

>>9715869
>>9717241

Are there specific things that bug you about your own writing? Maybe if you set up for yourself a checklist, and after you go through what you've written and made sure you didn't do any of the things you hate (and if you have, correct them), call that session complete.

>>9714205
While I did enjoy the read, I found myself more amused by the comparisons Superman came up with than aroused from the sex going on. You'd think she'd had her fair share of men she slept with to earn her that title, but for them to share the same partners is an interesting twist.

>>9719430

Amused or aroused, so long as my story was enjoyable and entertaining in some way, I'm happy with it. Thanks for the read!

So I wrote this for /hmofa/ like a month back, but never got any functional feedback. Was wondering if the writefaggotry thread might be able to give me some insight on where or how to improve. Disgustingly vanilla warning, but yeah:

>Tough to Love - 11371 Words
>https://pastebin.com/GR5CRpz9
>Human(M) x Anthro(F, Doberman), Oral (Fellatio, Sixty Nine), Vaginal, Cream Pie

>>9721401
Will give it a read tomorrow. Need sleep, though I am impressed by your word length

>>9721478
No prob. If this thread dies (which I'm seeing is something to worry about, going by some of the posts), I'm generally always lurking the /hmofa/ threads. Thanks ahead of time.

>>9721785
>No prob. If this thread dies (which I'm seeing is something to worry about, going by some of the posts)
Eh.
I am not stopping the bumpy train.

Book

>>9726980
good thing you saved the thread, might've missed all that content flowing in

>>9727002

You could always add content yourself, you know.

>>9727384
I'd rather you just let your damn thread die and stop clogging up the board

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>>9727496
>one thread
>clogging up the board
>can't hide one thread in 15 pages worth of threads
>he insists on hanging around and saying no content is made despite content being made and/or shared around

>>9727580
When there's plenty of other shit clogging it up as well, one that's fucking dead should be the first to go

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>>9727605
>complaining about quality control
>on /trash/

>>9728462
You don't leave a corpse in a trash can

>>9721401
phew, it's taking me a bit longer to read this than what I imagined. But here's what I think so far.

Your introduction/hook is pretty spot on and you do well to make sure your prose is mixed at a decent pace with the story.
Do keep in mind that when someone else is talking to hit the enter key, just so that it is easier to read some of the dialogue (line 31 comes to mind as an example).

More feedback to come soon.

>>9728792
You don't expect to pick fresh fruit from it, either.

>>9731199
Rotten fruit no one is tending to describes this thread pretty well

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>>9711441
not really. not sure I've got content enough to write a whole one. at least in that narrative

some more on there https://www.patreon.com/sandcastles but I can drop another I did like it
https://www.patreon.com/sandcastles

>>9721401
>>9729856
alright, read the rest of it, definitely want to emphasize on hitting the enter key when a second/different person talks in the same paragraph. Made reading dialog a chore, which is a same since I love reading that kind of stuff, and the interactions between the two are pretty darn precious.

Not sure what fundamental feedback is, but what I propose the most is separating the story into two-chapters: one that focuses on events prior to the two going to the hotel, and another that focuses on the events that took place in said hotel. The way it is written now, I often get confused as to whether the events took place back before they hooked up or after they did. This would also give you time to indulge in a few details that got summarized up via telling instead of showing (via character interaction). For instance, the first flashback (line 23) had a very good balance between show, tell, and character interaction that made this the strongest part of the story without one aspect being too dominant. In the second flashback though (line 57) the beginning and end of the flashback had more tell than show, which I think dampended the practice-french-kissing-a-dog experience a bit.

These are just my thoughts though, so take that as what you will.

>>9732877
Alright thanks.
I kind of tweaked with the two characters speaking in the same paragraph to try an instill a sense of quick responses in the conversation. Guess it didn't pay off too well. I'll stick to following that particular rule of grammar, then.

I don't intend to separate the story, because I do like how it came out in terms of reinforcing how they made each other feel (1st flashback) and the awkward footsies of them coming to terms with wanting a relationship (2nd flashback). The second flashback could definitely have been done better, though; I can see what you mean by it being more tell than show.

Plus, the story is entirely meant to be just a one off made for /hmofa/, not a series. It would feel weird to split the story into multiple chapters when it's meant to be consumed in a single reading.

>>9733911
Assuming it is a oneshot, I guess splitting the whole story into two chapters is a bit of a long shot (heh). Just keep in mind how often you jump from events in past to present, as losing track of that can be a great problem in the story. Something to keep in mind for future works

>>9732245
I see. I think one could be fleshed out into a narrative if you like. Could make for something amusing.