ITT: Pokemon are real Roast meat edition

>>7110374
ITT: Humans aren't Pokemon

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Guys did we just burn through a thread in 5 hours?
New record? (porn spammer does not count)

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We make landfall in Alola in ~10 hours, be prepared for chaos, apparently the IP and the Aether Foundation are waiting.

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>>7110406
ITT: YOU'RE A FAGGOT, Checkmate

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>>7110347
I have no words
-Skitters

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>>7110432
>Implying that I wasn't one already.

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>>7110465

>>7110374
ITT: We are the pokemon because there are certainly not anyone that would want to be a simple human in between the mass of autism known as /trash/, and also Discord ruins everything

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>>7110490
HAS ANYONE BROUGHT YOU MARSHMALLOWS YET?

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>>7110495
Discord makes everything better* fixed that lil miss demeanor there bud

>>7110495
>We are the Pokemon
> because there are certainly not anyone

I hope to Arceus that English isn't your first language.

Because that ITT makes no grammatical sense.

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>>7110490
(sketches oblivion wing)
Oh thank You so much.
This will be of so much use.
Painting will take a while though.

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>>7110495
>(Ooc: Take it from a veteran of the ERP General's worse days: If it's apparently discord that's the problem, then discord isn't the problem, rather a person in it. I blame Paul. Kay, might try to bring an excuse to get a character in here, but for now, back to lurking.

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>>7110427
fuck it im outside phonepostan and spyan, people just think i partied too hard cause im drunk
Theyre both waiting but they're not playing nice with each other when they meet
Will report more innabit, if i dont then im arrested or ded

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>>7110548
I SAW YOU SKETCH OBLIVION WING, MORTAL.
I DO NOT MIND.
UTILIZE IT RESPONSIBLY, AS IT HAS GREAT POTENTIAL FOR DESTRUCTION.

>>7110510
ONE OF THEM JUST DID.
SO, I THINK IT WORKS.

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>>7110645
THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR.
PERHAPS THEY WILL TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO BRING YOU OTHER CONFECTIONERY GOODS
I HAVE HEARD THAT MANY OF THEM ARE ENJOYABLE

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>>7110707
Dark chocolate best chocolate

...I need to see if we've got dark chocolate chips in the fridge, might be adding them to my waffles

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>>7110645
Oh.
Well that's great then, thank you.
Painting is still coming up by the way.
In fact, just finished it.
And I will be responsible... you can consider me a follower.
Even if I wouldn't give you a hug or shake your wing, I do respect you a lot... your really nice.

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>>7110645
Just curious, but, in theory, if a Ghost Type were to hug you what would happen?

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>>7110495
I am alone in the cold with a Snivy and a bunch of shitposting pokemon for company

[spoiler]And I wouldnt have it any other way[/spoiler]

I look forward to seeing him grow into a Serperior now that I've seen one

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>>7110707
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.
I HAVE JUST ASKED THEM TO BRING ME EXAMPLES OF HUMAN CONFECTIONARIES. THEY EAGERLY TOOK UP THE TASK.

>>7110756
THANK YOU. I LOOK FORWARD TO VIEWING IT IN PERSON ONE DAY.
HAVE A FIGURATIVE HANDSHAKE.

>>7110780
THEY WOULD BE DRAINED AND DESTROYED AS WELL.
ALTHOUGH THEIR BODIES HAVE LESS LIFE ENERGY IN THEM, IT IS STILL ENERGY THAT I CAN DRAIN. GHOST TYPES RESULT WHEN A SPIRIT IS UNABLE TO PASS ON, AND LATCHES ONTO THE REMAINING ENERGY IN THEIR OLD BODY, FORMING A NEW ONE.

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>>7110946
I'm sure this one is pretty accurate.

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>>7110645
Daaang youre fast, I just dropped those off and got outta the danger zone like five mins ago.
>>7110707
Like i doubt my cookings up to divine standards but i could fix up some homemade salamadas next time
>>7110427
I got an update here about IP and Aether
Listening to IP radio chatter, they're going for a sweep and clear, dead or alive. Thats the bad news. Good news is they think you're too dumb to coordinate and that they'll have the drop on you. Theyre fielding lots of Water and Flying mons for this, and officers have shock rods, but i bet theyve got some other shit stashed
Aethers basically the opposite, their whole crew's got empty Pokeballs waiting but they know you got some weird juju shit going on
Oh, and theyre fighting each other too

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>>7110946
Well that's just... sad. I'll see if I can find a way to drop off a plush of some sort - it's not an actual mortal to hug, but it's something.

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>>7111004
Fuck.
Looks like the fun never stops.

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>>7111004
THEY WERE DELICIOUS.
THANK YOU.

>>7111020
I...WOULD APPRECIATE THAT GESTURE GREATLY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND.

>>7111004
Look like it's time to pass an anonymous tip to the IP

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>>7111167
There's a place in Alola that sells life size Gyarados and Milotic plushies
We were gonna pick one or two up for you, assuming the rest of the group doesn't die when we get there
If Smeargs ends up having to use Oblivion Wing on a bunch of humans I'm sorry

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>>7111213
Who dude, I'm a follower now and i've been told to use this move responsible.
>>7111167
The move you've granted me to use will only be used when situations are most dire.
Like, half dead or something, I won't be using this move on a wim.

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>>7111188
You just had to make it so we might be killing them, rather than just incapacitating them.

Nice going, numbnuts.

>>7111282
Or you could just surrender peacefully.

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>>7111291
And be killed the the IP or experimented on by the Aether Foundation?

Fuck that, if it was just imprisonment maybe, but with the info we've got? We ain't surrendering.

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>>7111188
Shit yeah, I have just the distraction
IP's stacking on the harbor, only now moving their planning off public channels. Still getting chatter when they see Aether grunts and mix it up, holy shit those guys are tougher than I thought.
>>7111167
You're welcome. That a good place for another drop-off if I manage to not get wrecked for helping pirates?

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>>7110946
I HEARD THAT ONE CALLED 'ICE CREAM' IS APPARENTLY SO GOOD THAT HUMAN CHILDREN SCREAM FOR IT
>>7111004
WE DO NOT COOK AND THUS DO NOT HAVE A STANDARD FOR YOU TO LIVE UP TO
>>7111291
WHY WOULD THEY SURRENDER? IT WOULD NOT END WELL, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEE BOTH MY 'CHAMPIONS' AND MY SERVANT SAFE

>>7111311
You wanted adventure, now face the damn consequences.

>>7111344
More fighting seems to be the consequence.

Fuck, I'm still burnt up from Victini. Gonna need to wear something so that shit doesn't get infected.

>>7111335
Just a friendly tip: you might want to make yourself scarce. They were listening.

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>>7111343
When did we become your champions?

Honest question, I don't remember you bestowing that gift or us asking for it.

Thank you though, I'll wear the title with pride.

>>7111343
They will never be safe now, and haven't been ever since they decided to steal one the most notorious ships in history.
Choose better champions next time.

>>7111398
Be ready for your next challenge

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>>7111213
I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ONE OF THOSE PLUSHIES.
MY HOPES GO OUT TO YOU.

>>7111259
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORTAL USE IT. I HOPE YOUR BODY CAN WITHSTAND THE SHOCK OF IT.
YOU ARE A GOOD POKEMON AT HEART.
I BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL USE IT PROPERLY.

>>7111335
YES. THAT SPOT WORKS FOR DROP OFFS. ALSO, YOU CAN LEAVE ANY CONFECTIONERY THERE IF YOU WANT, NOT JUST MARSHMALLOWS.

>>7111343
ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS JUST BROUGHT ME SOME.
IT IS DELECTABLE.

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>>7111362
Already gone. Looking for a drunk salaryman in a city when shits going wrong is some needle in a haystack shit, even if I was on my ass at home
>>7111343
Shweet, though with IP looking I might have to hold off on anything identifying

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>>7111411
I AM NOT CERTAIN WHO YOU ARE TO JUDGE MY CHOICE IN CHAMPIONS, MORTAL.
HOWEVER, THEY HAVE BESTED AT LEAST TWO OF MY FELLOW LEGENDARIES, DEFEATING A GROUP OF HUMANS SHALL BE RELATIVELY EASY.
AS ONE WHO CAN SEE THE FUTURE I CAN, WITH CERTAIN, TELL YOU THAT THEY WILL BE FINE.
CHOOSE A BETTER ARGUMENT NEXT TIME.
>>7111398
IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS ASKED FOR, AND IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE BESTOWED UPON BY MULTIPLE LEGENDARIES.
AFTER YOUR ASSISTANCE AND SUPPORT DURING MY TIME HERE I HAVE DECIDED IT A FAIR TITLE TO BESTOW.
>>7111487
I WILL HAVE TO SEE IF MY MONKS CAN ACQUIRE SOME FOR ME

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>>7111343
Well that's pretty cool really.
Though I kinda wish to hold up the names of Giratina and Palkia as well, I hope this does not cause any friction or distrust, but while you legendary guys do have your own quirks, I gotta say your all really nice pokemons if you take the time and look closely.
Nor would I mean to imply I'm hoarding favour.
I mean, I like to think I befriended the bigass. badass bird of destruction.
>>7111487
Why thank you kindly, we'l do our best in trying to get you that plushie, I wonder if they'l giftwrap it though.
>>7111515
Oh well that already awnsers my hopes for possible reinforcements of peace and hospitality between legendaries.
You guys all a great.

>>7111499
I don't think you're getting, you're listed as a potential accomplice.
Cancel all your plans because your options are hiding in the jungle for a few weeks or skipping out of the region, your choice.

>>7111515
"Seeing the future" is such a lame cop out.

(this is why I never liked having legendaries in here, it's can easily become godmodding)

Dialga was wrong on Gengar, all bets are still off.

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>>7111577
Oh yeah? How much do thosh guys have anyway cause i think youre bluffing about what they got on my fat ass.
>>7111515
Hey, silly question, but are my odds of dying naturally looking slim right now?

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>>7111577
THERE ARE OCCASIONS WHERE FATE TOOK THE LEAST LIKELY OF THE PATHS, SUCH AS IS THE CASE WITH GENGAR.
THEY COULD STILL LOSE, BUT IT IS VERY UNLIKELY.
>>7111650
I NEVER SAID HE WOULDN'T BECOME A GENGAR, I SAID IT WAS UNLIKELY.
I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE UNLIKELY TO ROLL A 1 ON A D300, IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM WRONG IF YOU DO.
>>7111676
NATURAL DEATH IMPLIES THINGS SUCH AS OLD AGE AND BODILY ISSUES.
NO, YOUR CHANCES OF DYING NATURALLY ARE NO HIGHER THAN NORMAL AT THIS MOMENT.

>>7111676
You can either believe me or go on your "date".

If it was just IP with a full buildup against a group of Pokemon, this would be a wipe. As it is, there are Aether operatives trying to undercut the IP operation, they have other fires to fight, and these fuckers have proven themselves annoyingly more cunning than is normal. Plus there's always the off-chance of Team Skull trying to pull a smash and grab while there's a three-way punch-up going on.
I fucking hate it but I'd give the bastards 50:50.

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>>7111842
Thanks for that, made my night.

I need to sleep, big day tomorrow, now at least we're prepared for a fight.

...Fuck
Fuck fukkity fuck fuck

Ray's bro just informed us that they've pulled in the best of the best.

They called in the League, 40 trainers with full teams plus whatever IP forces they've got.

Not to mention the Aether Foundation and Team Skull.

Yeah, I'm going to sleep, I need everything I can get.

>>7112090
What you need is to run away, the farthest possible.

Or maybe wish for the last week to have never happened.

>>7112148
This is a skeleton crew of pirates, pretending that only Pokemon are on board. They can't run forever.
I'm more worried about casualties from Aether involvement. Those idiots believe the rumors going around, and might try something drastic.

>>7112405
Aether's leader is legit nuts and if they're hiding anything you can damn well expect it to use it as soon things get hot. If I were in the IP I'd rush to expose the pirates for what they actually are, for all of Aether to see.

Either way the Anne is toast. Sad.

Fuck Hoenn. Its raining all the time, its humid as all fuck, its hot as fuck and on top of all that my girlfriend has gone out of town for a month and left her Salazzle with me for me to take care of and the fucking thing just won't leave me alone

Should I get a male or female Gengar?

How do I let my Tsareena know that the egg she found is hers?

How do I make it so my pokemon can only love me and not each other?

>>7113826
first you gotta assert yer dominance, the easiest way to do that is to shove yer thumb right up their poop chute as fast and hard as possible

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>>7110374
Hey, everyone! Have you guys seen any cute male primarinas?

>>7113699
Put it with her when she's resting?

these threads are fantastic

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Forty minutes until we reach Alola.

Gonna be honest, even with the assurances from Dialga, this is making me nervous. Forty trainers, all with full teams, are waiting for us on those docks. They called in the fucking League to deal with us, which I assume means that they're taking us seriously.

I mean, we've got a few aces, but using them... not sure I want things to come to that.

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>>7114393
Hey, have you seen my boyfriend? He's a Primarina he always goes to the beach, blue hair, feminine?

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>>7115322
Hey buddy I heard you're coming to akala? Correct? Well take a look over to poni island when you get the chance. Here the reich now rules now and there's nothing you or the pathetic IP can do about it

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>>7115415
...Dude what, I was like, 90% sure you were shitpostin, you tellin me they've actually got this reich shit goin on on top of everything else?

...well, hopefully that takes care of some of the IP.

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>>7115322
>Forty trainers, all with full teams, are waiting for us on those docks.
Maybe ditch the Anne and try and get to land on a life boat or something?
They're probably expecting you to show up on that ship so maybe it'll be a good distraction.
Either way I hope you guys get to land safely.

The human crew on the ship I'm on is rooting for you lot too.

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>>7115465
Nah were going to TOTALLY take this head on against the International Police, were totally going to stay on this ship and hide out in the rooms so we can bottleneck their pokemon with all our ILLEGAL moves and DANGEROUS piratering, cause were pirates and should be boarded right the instant we ram the harbour.

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>>7115437
Y-yeah man all real, umm so you have a turtwig with you? Right? A bit of a psychopath? Don't even look at Deerling the wrong way right?

>>7115524
...yeah that's him.

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>>7115437
Um, is no one paying attention to me?!

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>>7115561
We're on a fucking boat, about to start the biggest fight of our lives, we've got bigger problems than a trap mermaid.

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>>7115561
THE CREW OF THE ANNE IS CURRENTLY DEALING WITH LIFE THREATENING ISSUES.
I WILL GLADLY TALK WITH YOU IF YOU WISH.

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>>7115523
Oh, ok then. I'll not question this plan any further because clearly you guys seem pretty set on it.

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>>7115605
Yes were TOTALLY going to do THAT plan.

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>At 10:10 local time, the S.S. Anne became close enough to board, stopping three thousand yards from shore
>When the International Police raided it, they found the boat empty of all life, but filled to the brim with supplies, enough for several years voyage
>The pokemon that supposedly stole the ship were nowhere to be found
>The ship has since been brought into harbor, where it will be repaired and ready for it's trip home some time in the coming weeks

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>>7115544
Long Story short, The others and I are kinda being forced to work with malamar and his insane plan to take over aloha and the world, and that we maybe forced to fight him cause malamar thinks Deerling and him are betraying him and that umm we need his help cause this labor hurts

I dub this thread the most autistic thread I have ever seen.
I love it.

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Turtwig if you are reading this YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME WITH US, IF YOU COME TOO PONI ISLAND YOU AND THE REST OF THE SS ANNE CREW ARE DEAD YOU GOT IT??? HEIL THE REICH

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>>7115634
>see >>7115644 on the news right after you post
Pretty good timing.
>>7115697
You seriously need to chill out, the SS Anne crew are cool.

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>>7115591
HEY WATCH YOUR MOUTH! THAT TRAP MERMAID YOUR TALKING CRAP ABOUT IS MY BOYFRIEND! FINDING MY BOYFRIEND IS IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE TOO!
>>7115604
There. SOMEONE finally wants to help! Hey, lord I've been looking for my boyfriend for a week and I can't seemed to find him! You think you might seen him before?

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>>7115783
t-thanks. y-you to.

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>>7115783
Aww the poor little sandshrew doesn't realize I have >>7115697 poor little mind under my control, I mean why would their former trainer (turtwig and deerling) turned noivern suddenly hate them? HeheHAHAHA YOU'RE DEAD YA HEAR ME? HAHAHA

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>>7115678
(Thank you, based anon)

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>>7115832
IT IS LIKELY THAT TEAM SKULL GOT HIM

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>>7115869
Team Skull? Those idiots in goofy clothes? I higly doubt a bunch of gangs would want a mermaid

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>>7115889
>mermaid
merman.

>>7115644
Greeeat. Alolafag here, now we have a handful of trainer pirates running around. At least Aether and IP are taking their little rivalry out of my neighborhood now.

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>>7115840
Stay safe buddy.
>>7115842
1. I'm clearly a Sandslash m8
2. Pretty sure I'm actually alive
3. You're the least chill Pokemon here
4. If you want to be intimidating you should really work on getting some better, more believable threats
5. I hope someone kicks your arse

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>>7115894
!
You got me!

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>>7115889
THEY WILL TAKE ANY POKEMON THEY CAN GET, IF YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED.

>>7115843
seriously I didn't think that genuine autism of this caliber existed on 4chan or even could exist here
I thought this thread was just going to be like those Prehistoric or whatever /v/ threads you sometimes see where people just post pretending to be cavemen or whatever and just post like normal.
you guys are something special and I admire that, its like a car crash, I want to leave and get the fuck out of here but I just can't because its so amazing to look at

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>>7115995
also i hope you find him! he sounds like a cool dude!

>>7115911
do you miss your little sandshrew paws ever? I think they are cute!~

>>7116108
Half of thread is buttmad that such autism exists, but if it was going to exist it was gonna be on /trash/.

>>7116134
(or on /tg/)

>>7116108
This is what happens when you let /vp/ autists go on without getting their threads deleted.

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>>7116114
For the most part no, because trying to dig even in soft desert sand as a Sandshrew took forever. Although it'd probably be easier to type if I were still a shrew.
Also you seem to think everything's cute. Sandshrews are definitely pretty fucking cute though.

>>7116150
if any board was going to spawn such immense autism it was bound to be /vp/ because there are not much other fans more autistic than pokemon fans
the only other board that could spawn such autism is /mlp/ but even so they are pretty tame when it comes to the potential autism that is the MLP fanbase

I've been lurking these threads for a while and these are damn good, I haven't played pokemon in years but this shit makes me want to jump in.

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Eeey, what's up?
I am still a little intoxicated, like every salaryman in Alola right now with business gummed up by the current drama.
Had to drunk-stumble through an honest to Arceus security checkpoint to find a motel.

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>>7115644
>They bring the Ship into port
>Team Skull already talking about stealing it
>mfw

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>>7116203
well ive been having a lot of hate balled up since i died so im trying not to be so hateful. life is too short!

>>7116346
let em have it.

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>>7115651
>>7115697
>>7115842
>>7115911
Oh so this is what's been going on, malamar you're going to fucking die, this "joke" ain't funny and neither are you, when we're done with the IP we're coming for you

>This stupid Malamar shitposting
can we ignore this guy?

>>7116346
Good luck, hahaha. IP is all over that tug. Team Skull doesn't have the raw power for that.

>>7116364
The IP is all over the fuckin' thing I doubt they could do it.
>>7116427
Yeah I know they're fucking hanging out in the port watching them and the police haven't chased them off/arrested them.

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I miss arms
and chewing my food
at least i look cool though

>>7116447
>Watching these IP go through the boat
>Fucking Looker arrives on a speedboat
This is some serious shit.

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>>7116364
I know kinda how you feel, I had a lot of hate balled up once. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if that's what drove the rest of my Sandslash and Sandshrew buddies to leave Orre.
It's good that you're already trying to be less hateful.

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>>7116480
Looker's looking over the Anne? This is officially Too Fucking Real.
>>7116447
IP were skirmishing with Aether Foundation last night, apparently they both wanted something on that boat. Also, fucking kek that not even IP takes the Skulls seriously.

>>7116557
Yeah I've been watching them from a distance.
Looker just went onboard, whatever they're looking for I guess it isn't onboard.
I think they're offloading the supplies now?

>>7116587
(the supplies vanish because of the nature of the jirachi wish)

>>7116587
>>7116633
Well I'm not sure if they've found a damn thing. I moved to a different spot and what's with all the goddamn burn marks on this thing? Did they try to torch it at sea or something?

>>7116652
(I meant like if they leave the boat they go poof)

>>7116712
(Gotcha. That's goddamn confusing.)
>They pull this truck up.
>Guy hops off the boat with a big box of chocolate bars or something
>Thing just disappears
>Everyone looking around
>The two Skull guys go "O SHITTT"
I can't be fucking laughing right now

>>7116817
(yeah sorry it was basically because we wished the BOAT was stocked, so anything not on the boat is poofed)

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So I just did a Dex read of some of our opponents.

They're even stronger than we fucking thought.

Level.
100.

Haven't seen any Z-Moves or Megas yet, but I know they're out there. Fuck man, the two we just dispatched beat the shit out of me already, and I was sore before then from fucking Victini's burns.

>>7116652
Victini attacked.

>>7116836
(Yeah I'm with you now. I should be posting as a fucking slowpoke.)
>>7116855
Holy shit you're from the boat? Do you need any help? Be careful what you say the IP are definitely watching this place.

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>>7116879
No shit, that's why I'm not saying where we are. Might not matter though, I don't know how big that blast was, had to use one of our last resorts.

...anyone see it?

>>7116908
I didn't see a goddamn thing fuck one of them saw me
im going to relocate

(everyone should be seeing fighting and lasers and rock slides going up the volcano, reason that I'm not informing people IC is because IC he's too busy to do such things)

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>>7117235
SHIT WHAT THE FUCK
I AM GETTING THE FUCKING CAMERA
FUCK MY IP CHECKPOINT STORY IM GOING FOR CLOSEUP FOOTAGE
Y O L O

>>7117365
Yeah I'm going in for this too. Lusamine is going to love this.

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>>7117365
I got good footage from here but this looks like a deathmatch
I am the silent drunk
And some asshole left a bag up here, what happened to don't litter
. . .
holyshit
YOLO

>>7117378
>Pokemon going up the mountain
>Recording this crazy shit

>>7117410
What the fuck
I have a telescopic lens
There is a drunkass salaryman up there
In the thick
With a brass pipe
And he's beating Aether guys with the pipe
What even is reality anymore

>>7117533
Yeah I'm glad I'm off today. I'm just taking notes to take back to Faba.
I'm so getting a promotion.

>(Thred is kill)

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>>7117570
I don't know how I survived all this.
But the team is getting ripped a new one, I'm just dragging all my unconscious friends away.
Keep them safe till they regain their senses and hopefully not die of any internal bleeding.

Duuuudes what in the heck is goin on up on the volcano? I'm seein like, explosions yo. Is it an eruption?

>Call up Faba
>Tell him about all this stuff I've got
>Mention a promotion
>"I can do you one better. Come down to our lab."
I'm so getting fucking promoted, thanks guys.

>>7117643
>inb4 raep

Hoooo shit I just got my scope out, that's the aether foundation fightan... a croagunk? Dude what...

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>>7117724
>Walk into the foundation
>Flip off Paulie at the desk and tell him to suck my cock because I'm gonna get promoted
>Head down to the lab
>Faba AND Lusamine are there
>Ask them about my new pay
>5000P a week
>Faba gives me a pokeball and tells me that I'm promoted
>wtfisthis.jpeg
>Call it out
>The third Type:Null
>mfw
Fuck you Paulie I'm showing these pokecriminals how real Aether employees do it.

>>7117774
Ain't that the Chimera Pokemon?
Well shit, man. This guy is jealous of you.
Take good care of the type:Null
From what i heard, they're powerhouses but passive. Be friends with them before ordering them around.

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>>7117803
Hell yeah I'm gonna be, this is the best promotion ever.
>Heading out of the foundation with it following me
>Stop in front of Paulie and show him my new pokemon
>Scratch its neck
>He's so fucking jelly
>"G-good for you a-anon..."

Anyway I'm catching a ride poke out of here. Where are those pokemon now?

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>>7117876
We are wrapping up the last stragglers.
Got most of them captured it seems, we just need to take down the last of them, regroup and take them back to the base.
This was too easy.

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>>7118057
Hey nice. I'm heading to your position. I'll help with transport.

WHAT THE FUCK
I can barely see through the trees from here but I think somebody's fucking DEAD
And I still cant get a good shot of this bugfuck crazy salaryman
>>7117876
Bro DO NOT. that guy up on the mountain will splatter your brains on a tree if he gets the drop on you this is some Kalosian Psycho shit

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>>7118086
Bring some potions to cure the worst of wounds.
We messed this snivy up pretty bad, don't want to bring them on death's door before the boss.

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>>7118095
The boozed up guy with the pipe? Yeah I'm gonna figure out where he works and make sure his boss knows about this.
>>7118107
Understood. I'm coming with plenty of potions.

>>7118129
Good luck, I can't get a good mugshot through the fucking chaos
And there is definitely a dead Aether guy up there, only thing still enough for me to get a good look

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>>7118129
THEY'VE GOT THE FUCKING COSMOG
THIS IS NOT A DRILL

>>7118168
Yeah I'm doubting that-
>>7118173
SAY FUCKING WHAT? THROW A BALL AT THAT THING!

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>>7118188
IT TELEPORTED THE FUCK AWAY
IT'S WITH A SKITTY RIGHT NOW
I'VE HEARD COMMOTION DOWN AT A BEACH FRONT RESTAURANT, CHECK THERE

>>7118173
HOLY SHIT PSYCHO SALARYMAN JUST MURDERED ONE OF YOUR DUDES
HE STILL WONT FACE MY FUCKING CAMERA
THERE IS BRAIN ON HIS PIPE

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>>7118168
HOLY FUCK I'VE SEEN HIM, HE BASHED MY PARTNERS SKULL IN.
SAW IT RIGHT BEFORE ME.
I... I THINK ROB IS DEAD, HE'S FUCKING DEAD.

>>7118202
Jesus christ okay. At least I'll get to test Null out.
>>7118203
>>7118205
Rob fucking owed me money!

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>>7118218
That's the thing.
There's like one pokemon left and this ... this savage is bashing people's brains in with a fucking PIPE.

>>7118205
Fuck bro, did he have a family
Get the fuck out of there its too fucked
this is not worth dying for

>>7118244
Right. I'm moving to your position. Time to test this thing out.
>>7118266
MY JOB IS ON THE LINE RIGHT NOW.

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>>7118218
I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU

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I need help. My Braixen tried to rape me last night. What do I do? Is there any way to train her to behave?

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>>7118266
He's already here.
He. . . he smells like vomit and rum, oh mew he's looking at me!
NO STAY BACK, STAY B-ARGHHH
*static*

>>7118299
FUCK
FUCK
HE KILLED THE SECOND GUY
I JUST SAW HIS JAW SHATTER WHEN THE LENS SOTPPED FUCKING AROUND
THIS IS NOT FUCKnG OKAY

>>7118328
What do you mean?
>>7118358
>>7118363
What the fuck? I'm going to crush claw this fucker.

>>7118357
beat the shit out of her.

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>>7118387
HOW HAPPY DO YOU THINK MY BROTHER WOULD BE TO FIND HIS DATE INTERRUPTED BY LOWLY HUMANS?
I DO BELIEVE YOU WOULD BECOME A NEW FRIEND OF CYRUS'

>>7118414
Look god of time. I'm high on petty juice I'm ready to crush claw this guy as soon as he shows his face.

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>>7118402
I was considering it but I was afraid she'd attack me. If I didn't find where she hid her pokeball I don't want to know what could have happened.

I guess I'll keep my Hypno out of his ball too so he can protect me from rape

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>>7118363
ABORT, ABORT!!
WE HAVE CONFIRMATION THE GIRATINA IS AT THE RESTAURANT ABO-
>radio cuts out

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>>7118459
would could alaways send her to wonder trade limbo for her sins as well. that always works.

>>7118459
>keeps hypno for protection
>hypno rapes you instead

>>7118470
This is fucking horrible, man.
>Waiting for these guys
>No one appears
>The god of fucking time is telling me to reconsider

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>>7118459
Does she keeps doing pic related?
She could be in heat.

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>>7118525
.... I...
They got free.
One of them has revives.
They killed Jim and the Turtwig fucking peeled off his face
What the fuck

>>7118470
IM JUST A FUCKING CAMERAMAN BRO
IM RUNNING THE FUCK AWAY BEFORE THESE FUCKERS SEE ME
LAST I SAW HE WAS PULLING SOME COMMUNE WITH NATURE SHIT WITH SOME POKEMON UP THERE

You guys should get a police scanner, especially for when things get real
>all units report to Wela volcano checkpoint
>IP, police and auxiliares readying to climb
>reinforcements coming from the other islands
>a smaller group confirmed to be forming to scour the Lush Jungle
They're mentioning names, but they're specifically searching for all Aethers higher ups and what looks like a salaryman with a pipe, apparently this last guy was already a suspect from days ago.

>>7118491
I don't want to get rid of her. I just want her to behave.

>>7118532
Oh that makes sense. How long do they stay in heat for?

>>7118509
Nah Hypno's a good guy. He watches over me while I sleep. I once caught him trying to change my clothes while I was sleeping. He's so considerate.

>>7118618
Your lucky.
Their mating season is 3 weeks long and they go in heat for 3 days during it.
Just gotta get that poon out of your face for 3 days.

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>>7118665
So i just got to last two more days. Thanks anon. I gotta go. She keeps getting out of her pokeball and hiding all of my pants.

>>7118594
They got a name on that fucking nutjob? Last I heard they still had a long suspect list. Having height and build might help, but who knows how many salarymen that leaves.

>>7118618
change your clothes?
are you sure it wasn't an ulterior motive?

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>>7118618
>>7118665
You only have to wait 3 days, now that we're in aloha, Deerling is REALLY horny, and she's a virgin, she doesn't show it but she wants it

>>7118560
HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHA THATS WHAT YOU'RE BUDDY GETS FOR FUCKING WITH ME

>>7118742
Hypno told me to tell you to stop asking questions.

>>7118769
is your hypno a boy or a girl?
i guess that question goes for you too

>>7118727
I don't know man, apparently he's a completely average stock photo white guy
He's probably with those Pokemon

>>7118769
Just for your information.
Hypno's don't go into a heatcycle, they mate throughout the year.
Watch yourself.

>>7118796
Fuck, that's like five dudes at my work alone.
Gaaaaaah.
Might as well be looking for a Ditto in a fucking circus.

>>7118727
If they have a name they are not stating it. I do know that they think he's connected to the S.S. Anne pirates and even set him up with a fake date to arrest him, looks like he didn't show up.

>>7118842
.... do you see that?
That's...
There's a bunch of Pokemon surfing down the mountain.
AND A FUCKING STEREOTYPICAL JOHN DOE

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>>7118842
Scout, reporting in.
I regret to inform that the rouge pokemon have vanished from the site.
This includes the rouge savage.
Tracks seem to lead off the cliff edge.
I do not see any bodies floating at the bottom.
Keep in mind that this could be a diversion.
Scout out.

>>7118864
If they got a fake date set up, either IP was batch-dialing their suspects or they've got him dead to rights.
>>7118883
I fucking see him, his face is caked in a goddamn mud mask!

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WOOOOOOOOOOO
FARSAIL CREW IS OUTTA HERE

>>7118943
>Favorite restaurant is apparently taken over by Giratina and his Skitty boyfriend
>Sister possibly dead to Giratina
>Cousins got murdered by Pokemon Pirates
>Pokemon surfing down mountain
Those must not have been portabella mushrooms

>>7118883
The fucking madman jumped off the party
there is now a mud-caked bloodsoaked savage with a pipe near the north edge of Hau'Oli City.
I'm running for cover now, good luck everybody

>>7118985
Hey! My Null has some words for you!

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>>7119008
Understood.
Starting sweep, sector 4, starting at grid 9.

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>>7119037
He can deliver them to me in person when he finds me.
>>7119048
Public channels aren't the way to go mate, we're already gone.

>>7118943
And now with actually confirmed murders on top.
He's done for.

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Morning, folks. Beautiful Alolan day, huh?
Well, if you ignore the explosions, Aether operatives on every corner and IP putting Hau'Oli City on lockdown.
At least I got TheOddishRouter working on my laptop, fuck the office 'net filters.
So, how are you doing?

>>7119092
Wishing for a more normal life with less murderbeasts going around, to be honest.

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>>7119092
... Ate an Aether guy.
The clothes were a bit too 'laboratory' for my taste.

>>7119207
Resorting to cannibalism already?
Quick, do you have almost an irresistible need to hoot constantly at night? What about hunting small rodents?

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>>7119126
I know what you mean. I had to pass three fucking IP checkpoints just to go to work. At least the company boss didn't tear my ass apart - I was late, but still the first person actually there. Also, it looks like half of the office isn't even bothering to come in, not like I can blame them.

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>>7119207
What the fuck?
No wonder Johnathan didn't report in!
You're gonna fucking pay, bird.
>>7119244
That's pretty insensitive asshole, people died to those fucking Poke-Pirates! My brother was one of them!

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>>7119270
Yea not before I cut off his face

I still have it with me, but the others don't know HAHAHA FUCK YOU AETHER

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Can we cease with this idiotic noise?

>>7119270
If you want your vengeance it will have to be done quickly, in a few weeks they will be completely indistinguishable from any other pokemons, with no sapience nor other signs that they were once people.

I spoke too much, didn't I?

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>>7119324
HELLO DEOXYS
I WOULD CALL YOU BROTHER BUT I AM NOT CERTAIN IF YOU WERE MADE BY ARCEUS
>>7119325
THIS IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH.
THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER OCCASIONS WHERE MY FATHER HAS TURNED HUMANS INTO POKEMON. THEY RETAINED THEIR SENTIENCE, AND AT LEAST ONE OF THEM BECAME A HUMAN AGAIN AND RETURNED TO HUMAN SOCIETY, ALBEIT TEMPORARILY BEFORE WISHING TO BECOME A POKEMON AGAIN.

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>>7119324
ayy

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>>7119270
Hey I found your "savage".
Here's the pokedex entry I totally just didn't just write.
John "McAffiend" Doe
Male human, 5'10" (178cm), 143 lbs (65kg)
This once humble salaryman is going through a quarterlife crisis. Unlike most alcoholic accountants' identity crises, John's involved his brother being turned into a Raichu and a wanted criminal, as well as a psychotic break where John beat two Aether operatives to death with a length of pipe in the jungle.
He really cares about his brother, but this 'little incident' has made him ruthless and a little less panicky. He is no longer The Reasonable Man, having embraced the autistic chaos that is now his life.
Sensitive enough for you pansies?

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>>7119370
I crafted myself.
I would come to help your situation but my presence seems to make humans incurably ill for some reason.
>>7119375
Greetings gas based organism.

>>7119370
I just observe and examine their situation, I'm not the one that granted them a brain that is physically unable to hold an human mind for extended amounts of times

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>>7119402
AH. SHALL I CALL YOU 'ADOPTED BROTHER'?
AS FOR HUMAN REACTION TO YOUR PRESENCE, YOU SEEM TO BE IN A SIMILAR BOAT TO YVELTAL.
PERHAPS YOU TWO CAN BOND OVER THAT.

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>>7119402
>I crafted myself.
So sorry if this comes across as rude or insensitive, but I'm curious as to how that makes any sense.
Surely creating yourself isn't possible without some really complicated explanation that's bound to go over my head.

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>>7119451
ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU DON'T HAVE A BRAIN INCAPABLE OF HOLDING A HUMAN MIND?
IT CERTAINLY SEEMS THAT WAY WITH YOUR INABILITY TO CORRECTLY COMPREHEND A STRING OF SIMPLE LETTERS.
AS I SAID, JIRACHI HAS DONE THIS BEFORE.
UNLESS YOU WOULD LIKE TO IMPLY MY BROTHER IS INCOMPETENT?

>>7119383
That's almost copied verbatim for the latest police reports, but the part about the raichu brother reeks of a bad B-grade movie.

>>7119383
That is literally fucking bullshit, that is the most generic goddamn name I have ever seen. Plus you're asking me to believe he's family with one of those totally-used-to-be-human-we-swear 'Mons.
Nice try, buddy, we don't pay crank callers on the tip hotline.

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>>7119553
Height and weight are constent, names reek, the connection and motive are fucking out there as shit.
Which means pic related is still in the jungle somewhere.
Fuck.

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>>7119484
Your kinship is strange. You may call me whatever you wish. I will call you Diagla?
I try to avoid humans. I would rather not travel to a heavily populated area and end up wiping them out.
>>7119542
In the simplest terms I was a virus aboard an asteroid. In some timelines I crashed on Earth and took eons to craft myself. Others I am able to do it before I am anywhere near Earth. I grew and formed myself on the atoms making up my asteroid.
Is this a sufficient explanation?

>>7119552
He certainly sure botched up the job.
If my research is correct, how much time until complete feralization depends on how dissimilar is the pokemon brain from an human brain.
I pity the poor bastards that became bug types, and most water types.

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>>7119553
Do you got your head so far stuck up your ass you can't even recognize a bit of banter between rival teams?
You Aether fags are the worst.
Later nerd.

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>>7119599
>If your research is correct
Sure as hell ain't, buddy, we're living proof, yeah, I've changed, but that isn't because I'm a pokemon, it's because I've been able to do things as a pokemon, learn and experience another view point.

Maybe we should get Jirachi to change you, so you can really see.

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>>7119599
Hey I did a good job!

>>7119615
We just saw two of our operatives be murdered by some jungle savage whose known attributes are approximately as informative and distinct as an intoxicated Ditto. This is not the time for "banter".
>>7119588
SCRAMBLE EVERYTHING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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>>7119588
I think I understand now yeah, it's just the statement 'I created myself' seems contradictory on it's own.
Thanks for the explanation. Hope you have a nice day dude.

>>7119654
Oh shit jirachi, you're awake already? You taking wishes? Or you just want to hang around?

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>>7119677
Boo.
>>7119700
There is no harm in asking for an explanation.
>>7119654
Hello fellow starchaser. How are you faring?

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>>7119654
Jirachi I'm sorry, I don't like using you, but if you're here, I can show this guy.

I'll be merciful though, I won't ask you to change him based on his personality.

Change >>7119599 into a Riolu. Please and thank you!

>>7119615
Fuck off back to your run down hovel, reject of society.

>>7119635
By which you mean letting your instinct take over more and more.
Passing over the offer, I don't want to lose my mind either. Nor my rights.

>>7119654
You have been nothing but a constant supply of problems for everyone nearby, and then some.

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>>7119677
Psshh, what's the matter you scaaared?
Did I hurt your widdle fweelings?
Oh no, I'm a aether employeee, I don't know how to defend myself.
This is why we of team Skull practice self defence, you never know when the trainer starts swinging after you beated the crap out of his pokemon.

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>>7119727
I'm fine with wishes. What you feeling, buddy?
>>7119735
I'm good! These humans have been abusing my wishes a bit but I'll survive.
Maybe.
>>7119746
A Riolu?
>Ding!
Granted!

>>7119746
DO NOT

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>>7119750
I BELIEVE THE SAME THING COULD BE SAID TO YOU AND THEN SOME
>>7119588
I SEE.
MANY LEGENDARIES HAVE WORSHIPPERS, IS THIS THE CASE FOR YOU AS WELL?

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>>7119789
Too late, maybe now you'll see.

Fuck that's the first time I've used a wish like that, kinda feel scummy. Oh well, worth it to teach you how to see, I take it you can still type with those paws?

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>>7119768
If you ever need help I will do all in my power to help.
>>7119824
Do humans worship viruses? I suppose I must have some worshippers even if I lack a true temple.

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>>7119768
W-well, I wish for any pokemon regardless of egg group to breed with other pokemon (this Anon btw)>>7119727

>>7119893
To be able to breed with other pokemon of different egg groups, sorry messed up

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>>7119879
Thank you! I really appreciate your help!
>>7119893
>>7119909
That's a bit strange but, okay!
>Ding!
Granted!

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>>7119753
Hey, even I work out. Still, one guy's got a weapon and the other doesn't? Doesn't take a genius to solve that equation.
>>7119824
Whoa. Roasted that guy medium well.
>>7119843
That's Alolan Psycho levels of savage.

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>>7119941
THANK YOU SO MUCH JIRACHI SENPAI, Deerling is going to be real surprised and real happy to

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>>7119941
hehehe.... I wish Dialga was pink!

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>>7119982
No problem, buddy!
>>7120011
But he's- Okay.
>Ding!
Granted? I dunno if that's gonna make him any pinker.

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>>7120011
AND IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE I NOW AM.
IN THIS MAIN ONE I STILL REMAIN BLUE, HOWEVER, NOT QUITE AS BLUE AS YOUR ATTITUDE.

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>>7119843
typing hard
mind already starting to slip
approx 1 week until all loss of sapience
wish needed quickly

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>>7120047
Uh-huh, don't know why you're like that, Jirachi, make his mind stable, please.

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>>7120039
Is there anything you can do for those guys up on the mountain who got Jungle Savaged? I know it's way too much to ask, but I figure I might as well try.
>>7120044
Phenomenal cosmic roasts.

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>>7119941
It is my duty to protect the stars.
>>7120047
We have broken this child. Jirachi could you please fix him?

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>>7120075
>>7120083
I don't know how well I can effect brain chemistry but I'll give it a shot!
>Ding!
Granted?
>>7120082
Are you saying you want me to bring them back to life?

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>>7120047
>>7120075
HE IS FINE. I WILL GIVE HIS ACTING SKILLS CREDIT.
>>7120082
THANK YOU. HE IS NOT QUITE AS 'FLAMBEED' AS THE ONE WITHOUT TITS, BUT I HOPE IT IS SATISFACTORY

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>>7120110
If that's even possible, yeah. Even though Aether is scum, I feel bad for those guys. I was blackout drunk when it happened, I'm catching up via this board.

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>>7120044
i-it was just a p-prank bro....

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>>7120166
I hope Giratina doesn't get too mad.
>Ding!
Granted!

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>>7120110
(a riolu's cranium isn't big enough for not even an human child's brain, causing death from excessive cranial pressure)

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>>7120167
I have to give you credit for trying to prank a phenomenal cosmic power at a time like this.
>>7120213
Thanks. I can't figure out who this generic-looking drug-fiend is from the footage I can get, though.
>>7120238
Stop faking, buddy.

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>>7120238
Its the thought that counts I suppose.

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>>7120298
No problem, friend!
I wouldn't know I've been steering clear of fights! You could always wish to know who it was?

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>>7120334
Oh, hey.
I don't think i've ever seen anything like yourself.
Or anything alike it.
Who are you, if I may ask?

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>>7120428
FUCK YOU, YOU AND THAT FUCKING ZANGOOSE DID THIS TO ME.
I'M GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND NOW THANKS ASSHOLES.

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>>7120555
He's a very powerful alien.
I should know, I fought him.

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>>7116225
Plus, the board is dedicated to ONE fugging game where anyone can nitpick on usless and tamed things (the buzzwords I read is annoying to read) Sooner or later we have to make a stupid thread to jazz up the thread.

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>>7120593
D-did you win?
I guess so.
What moves did he use though?
It looks so outlandish.

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>>7120571
You sound pretty composed to me!

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>>7120555
Hello! I am Deoxys, what are you?
>>7120593
And I won.

>>7120658
He sounds like a fake, or a really fast learner at typing with paws.

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>>7120674
I... I am a Smeargle.
Are you going to fight us too?

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>>7120741
I have no desire to fight. If you wish for a friendly battle I will be happy to train with you but I do not intend to kill anyone.
Barring Rayquaza.

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>>7120674
IT WAS NEVER REALLY CLEAR TO ME WHY YOU TWO FOUGHT

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>>7120710
IT TAKES ME FIVE FUCKING MINUTES TO TYPE THINGS OUT

I HAVE TO TYPE LIKE A FUCKING KID, PECKING AT THE KEYS

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I CAN BARELY SEE THE FUCKING CATCHPA WITH THESE COLOR BLIND EYES

>>7120658
>7120658
You know, you should probably stop with the life changing wishes for third parties. Especially now that we're directly saw someone's life getting ruined, and then accidentally murdered on top.

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>>7120777
>I HAVE TO TYPE LIKE A FUCKING KID, PECKING AT THE KEYS
How do you think Pokemon like me feel? Be grateful you don't have to use claws.
Also chill the fuck out and either wish to be turned back to a human or accept the fact that you're a Pokemon now.

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>>7120775
In one universe we fight for the very fate of the world. In another it is a mere fight of rage. Though I won that one.

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>>7120777
Sounds like we blew your mind, buddy.
>>7120428
Er, I could but I'm not sure I want to. I've been feeling really off all day - unexplained aches and pains, odd smell nobody else thinks is there, accidentally grip-smashing a cup. Stuff like that.
>>7120769
Are you familiar with the phrase "ayy lmao"? asking for a coworker.

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>>7120769
Oh, I think that would be rather cool.
I would like to see your moves.
They must be pretty wild, I know Rayquaza is insanely strong.

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>>7120838
I remember beating you.
There was a cool kid on my back and we slapped your shit, then he caught you.

>>7120775
He was inside a meteor that was falling on my region, I destroyed it and then he emerged and attacked.

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>>7120658
I wish the deoxys was pink!

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>>7120838
I SEE.
DO YOU HAVE A PREFERRED FORM?

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>>7120844
Oh that's weird... Maybe you should take a nap? >>7120896
Well I guess...
>Ding!
Granted!

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>>7120817
Wait, who was the accidental murder, and who's the ruined life? I can't keep track and try to figure out who the guy who did his Unovan Psycho Pat Batemon is at the same time.

>>7120890
The meteor actually crash landed and then he emerged. Care to check your facts?

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>>7120844
I am not. What is its context?
>>7120851
I bested Rayquaza with my strongest move, Psycho Boost.
>>7120890
In a different time, yes. That one was pretty sick, though.
>>7120898
I prefer my speed form. Moving from place to place at high speeds is very fun.
>>7120899
TURN ME BACK THIS INSTANT.

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>>7120934
I know exactly what happened.
I was there.

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>>7120935
C-could I please see that move?
I uhh, i'm pretty curious about it.

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>>7120913
LIFE RUINED HERE
JIRACHI WOULD JUST FUCK ME UP IF I ASKED TO BE CHANGED BACK

>>7120913
I can confirm that the poster turned Riolu is indeed deader than Team Rocket. He was a neighbor of mine.

Saw a blinding light coming from his house at first. I ignored it since it seems that the norm these days is for noting being normal anymore, then few minutes later I heard a pained howling, cut short.

Have you ever seen brain matter leaking out of someone's ears? Not a pretty sight.

>>7120819
you look pretty skilled though.


>>7120959
what color was deoxys at the time?

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>>7121002
Pics or it didn't happen.

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>>7120935
It's a meme phrase that people use, as a humorous way of saying 'alien.' It really caught on with people playing videogames about alien invasions.
...

Fuckballs my coworker's already trying to Photoshop blurry Alolan Psycho pictures into memes. Not cool, bro.

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>>7121020
>fucking pic

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>>7121002
>DEADER THAN TEAM ROCKET
SO HE IS VERY MUCH ALIVE. THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING THIS

>>7120959
Pffffffffhahah, now you will tell me you have a superpowered alternate form.

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>>7120959
And you'll need to stop me again if I'm not turned back to normal.
>>7120982
Well I hope you are impressed.
>Uses Psycho Boost
>>7121026
That is very odd.

>>7121035
That doesn't make sense, please start making sense.

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>>7121042
>Sketches Psycho Boost.
Thanks dude.
I'l be sure to post a painting rather soon.

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>>7121002
ARE YOU THE FUCKWAD WHO'S ALWAYS HUFFING FUCKING DUSTS OUT OF A VILEPLOOM!? I CAN SMELL THAT SHIT FROM MY HOUSE ASSWIPE.

TYPING IS FASTER NOW, FOUND OUT PAWS HAVE CLAWS, MORE PRECISE