ITT: Pokemon are Real - 5th Edition What region are you from?

>>6937047
Unova, got uh... migrated to Hoenn
I still don't know whether to be angry with my pokemon or thank them for that one.

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>>6937151
rekt famalama
you like unova? always wanted to go.

>>6937008
kek is this you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1ocIMECe8k

>>6937092
>assuming you could get that close
you probably just have some kind of selfish personal motive.
humans are pretty selfish.

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>>6937047
I live in a pantry in Goldenrod. Fuckin' beans keep fallin' over. This is the worst hideout ever. I should've done like Bugsy and built a casino.

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Be fucking hoe's in good ol' Hoe-nn since birth.

>>6937206
What dark motive could I even have?

>>6937206
Not me

I asked for Gregg with three G's and haven't found anyone who knew what I was talking about

>>6937286
Might have moved on, then. Well, sit tight, that book should be on its way.

I want to seduce Tapu Bulu. Any tips?

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>>6937038
Me, a tsundere, you really are as dumb as you look.
for that to be true i would have to always deny that i love my trainer, i'm just a little rougher than most girls that all.

>>6937304
Also, you might want to just call your family and just tell them that, "some shit happened," and you'd rather not talk about it.

>>6937304
>>6937383
I'm somewhere called Pyrite Town
Library's closing so they're kicking me out, I'll be back tomorrow

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>>6937310
Yeah, I have.
...I've already lost three shirts because of this fucker. My favorite shirts now stay inside, locked away from the semen menace.

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>>6937047
>not telling

>>6937221
how much longer you have to lay low?

>>6937272
it ever get stale? or is everyday good?

>>6937278
I don't know. that's why I dont trust you

>>6937307
dont

>>6937347
youre pretty crazy for your disgusting owner an you cant even tell him! instead you will commit a murder suicide if it falls in love with something else.

>>6937460
You don't know because there's no possible dark motive in giving some random pokemon a handjob.

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>>6937435
>Pyrite Town
[HORRIFIED BIRD NOISES]

>>6937460
Until Pyrite burns down or that adventurin' party shows up to smuggle me out.

>>6937460
that frog is a Yandere, not a Tsundere, know the difference, it could save your life, and I say that as a human
>tfw managed to dodge some bullets by having prankster pokemon that don't want to jump my bones
>tfw no face

>>6937206
Have humans abused you in the past, by any chance?

>>6937347
My trainer was shy as fuck, and I still managed to seduce him.
I'm a giant, armored dragonfly.
Seriously. Just be blunt, and tell him up front using technology. Or have you tried that already?

>>6937047
Route 228, Sinnoh.
Might move somewhere more pleasant. Eventually.

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>>6937307
Go to Ula'ula island, cover its alter in rose petals, strip naked, and wait there in a sexy pose while you hope for the best.
>>6937460
Nope. Just as fun e-fur-yday. Most of the time it's Wailords, but there's enough variance to keep things from being dull.
... I also just really enjoy killing Flabebes with my dick.

>>6937047
Sinnoh, and yeah, I do, when I'm not journeying every now and again.

...STILL working on heading for Alola.

Tonight's pile:
Mudsdale is on the bottom and I'm on her back, to Mudsdale's left is Stantler, to her right is Scolipede with Rapidash on top of her
And laying on me is Zebstrika, who won't stop messing with my ears

>>6937548
>killing Flabebes with my dick
I hope that's hyperbole.

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>>6937047
I grew up in Pyrite Town, Just as the mining started to really decline. My father took what earnings he could scrape together, bribed a trucker to quietly get us as far away from Orre as possible. Ended up in Mahogany Town in Johto. Hell, the trucker gave Dad back half of the money he was paid, so we at least had something to run on when we first got there.

Dad wanted us kids to have a new life where we wouldn't end up part of the crime gangs in Pyrite down. And what do I do? Become a transport operative for Rocket. It wasn't that bad, though. Decent money, equipment, uniforms...and Holly. Girafarig was originally her pokemon.

>>6937582
No. No it's not. The cat hates fairys and has a cactus dick.

Someone post the pic from last thread.

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>>6937532
yeah but im not talking about it.

>>6937548
that sounds like the life lol
I am also not a fan of fairy types.

>>6937519
thanks for the info. I don't live in web johto land lol

>>6937650
Hoenn, actually, I'm >>6937151
had a weeb "friend" back in Black City that informed me of this shit, and the more I look at these threads, the more useful it becomes

>>6937450
like, how... productive is he?
you ever measure after all is said and done?

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>>6937460
I wouldn't kill her, i would just scare her away, i won't let them steal him from me and i'll not be abandoned again.
and even before i kept trying to keep he away from girl not a single girl he tried to date actually liked him and did not even finished his first date with them.
Well it's getting late and me and my future husband are going to visit his family to pass the last days of the year with his them.
at least there it won't have any skanks there only his mom and his sisters that are quite nice.
Good night to y'all

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>>6937582
>Flabebes are 4" tall
>dick is 3" long
I slay Flabebes with my dick

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>>6937675
cya later frogger

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>>6937669
I haven't measured it, but I'm pretty sure it would fill your average bathtub and then some.

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>>6937675
'Night. If you need to hide a body, I know a guy that knows a guy that knows a Gengar.

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>>6937675
'Later frog legs.

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Zebstrika's feeling frisky tonight so I'll be taking care of that before bed
Tomorrow is when I finally start rhe shipping business, taking produce out to Sunyshore City. Fun!

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>>6937822
Good luck on your new beginning!

>>6937560
Sounds cozy.
Aggron is crashed out on my right, hugging me against her, and Torterra is on my left.
The bed is too small for more than two of my Pokemon, so they take turns sleeping with me.

>>6937849
Thanks!
The truck will be repurposed to have actual coverage next week

luv u guys

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>>6937914

So, I got invited to a restaurant with some people, and while doing some research, found out some dodgy shit.

Straight to the point, it's one of those restaurants that got outlawed way, way back when pokémon got recognized as not being normal animals, and thus not being food. But. It takes the whole... thing of that a little further by building a menu out of the team you bring in. And... certain... things... are borderline compulsory, considering that the booths and tables are in their own little rooms and every one of them is being filmed from multiple angles.

This is illegal still, right? Would I get in trouble for, say, barricading the doors and burning the place down? Should I just drop an anonymous tip to the remnants of Team Plasma and never talk to the people that invited me ever again?

>>6937851
We have King sized mattresses so I can fit all of the girls on the bed with me
No such thing as a cold winter night in this house

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>>6937932
Unova fag here, even it is legal you can still drop off a hint to the remnants of Team Plasma. I don't exactly agree with them, but at least they'd get shit done.

>>6937932
Kanto?
I've got a Magcargo who got saved from one of those places
Post an address and it'll be ashes by tomorrow

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I love Volcarona!!!

>>6937932
Never speak to the people who invited you again, and uh, "accidentally" let it slip to Team Plasma.

I hate Unova so fucking much, glad I got out of there

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>>6937932
You wan' arson? I can do arson. Lemme make a phone call.

>>6937981
>>6937984
>>6937999
It's on one of the small, mostly uninhabited islands off the coast of Kanto, a bit to the South of the Sevii chain. They're only open a couple nights out of the year, though. Look for lots of boat traffic in the next night or two.

>>6938041
>it's not in Unova
Team Plasma ain't gonna do shit, Mafia bird and burning man are your best bets

>>6937937
The bed dwarfs a king size; they're just so big, even compared to it.
Steelix is colossal, and always coils around me.
Aggron loves to cuddle.
Torterra falls asleep quickly.
Snorlax always rolls on top of me. Careful positioning is required so that I don't smother to death.
Hippowdon covers me (and the bed) in sand. She also snores. And I always wake up soaked in drool.
Avalugg refuses to sleep with me, for my personal safety.

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>>6937907
Good to hear! If you ever end up in the Johto region, let me know.

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>>6938041
>Look for lots of boat traffic in the next night or two
There's a couple of boats out there right now
I have magcargo and skarmory with me
What do?

>>6938138
bombing run, do it. IP, if you're watching this thread, give the man a pass, he's the lesser of two evils.

>>6938128
No problemo, friend

>>6937758
I hope you're into cum-flation and or bukkake in that case

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>>6938138
Andare con Dio, bambino

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Hey hey self proclaimed Cradily guy here. How is everyone?
Not literally a Cradily since there are apparently pokemon in the thread now.

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>>6938138
>flying pokemon
>magcargo
Anon this better be you tonight

>>6937450
have you tried sounding/ docking with him if he's too big atm to fit inside of you?
his urethra should be big enough to fit inside of, and I hear that the stimulation is pleasant.

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>>6938158
>>6938197
>lava plume+flamethrower+fly
It's absolutely lit right now

>>6938178
Yanmega here, and I'm doing great.
Confessed my feelings to my trainer, and managed to seduce him.
No penetration yet, though.

>>6938238
what does your weird dragonfly junk look like?

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>>6938166
Cumflation is fine, Bukkake is a complete no go because I have a major obsession with my hair
>>6938227
I hadn't considered it. I'll have to try it next time we go at it.
>>6938178
Tired, naked, and sticky.

>>6938238
>No penetration yet, though.
Hahaha, take it slow Yanmega. You gotta court the human.
>>6938287
>Tired, naked, and sticky.
Better get back in bed, dude.

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>>6938232
>lava plume
You made it rain literal fire

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>>6938232
That's dope as hell dude.
>>6938178
Sup Cradily-anon. Don't think you were in here when I showed up. I'm a bomb ass Skitty who breeds Wailords for a living.

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>>6937047
Unova, currently abroad in Poke-China

Anyway, asking again from last-last thread

What should I drop from my panned team of Gengar, Spiritomb, Dusknoir, Gardevoir, Hydreigon, and Malamar?

Currently have Spiritomb and Haunter

>>6938178
Watching a bonfire that used to be a very shitty restaurant from the top of the trainer tower on Seven Island.

Good job, magcargo guy. I'm opening a beer to you right now. Here's hoping they don't set back up somewhere else.

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>>6938370
What are you planning on adding?
>>6938326
Partially stuck underneath Henry's jaw atm. His mane is surprisingly comfy.

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TURN ON THE NEWS
>TURN ON THE NEWS
TURN ON THE NEWS
>TURN ON THE NEWS

THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN DID IT

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>>6938422
>>6938387
You guys are watching the fireworks too?

>>6938422
10/10, the madman gets a raised glass from me

Who here is from Kanto?

>>6938443
hppt;\\www.kantonewsbeat.kto\articles\2017\arson-restaurant-attacker-unidentified

>>6938443
>>6938158

>>6938419
The other 4 mons

I'm just wondering about balance.

[Also, it was a good idea to move these threads to /trash/, I missed them. Sure hope they pick up speed]

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>>6938466
Ap-purr-ently Magcargo anon

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>>6938422
Damn. Bel colpo, kid. If you ever swing by Orre, do me a favor and take a potshot at Pyrite.

>>6938512
Do you like Skitty or are you a Skitty?

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>>6938287
>I hadn't considered it. I'll have to try it next time we go at it.
It's weird at first, but once you get past the initial sensation it's bretty gud
Personally I got into it after an encounter with a wild joltick

with a pokemon as big as yours backflow might be a problem for you though

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>>6938510
what??? the IP is here???? oh shit guys!
>>6938505
haha that restaurant was shit anyway
prove me wrong fags

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>>6938555
> "I'm a bomb ass Skitty who breeds with Wailords for a living."

>>6938590
Prove you're not the IP, and if you are, leave the bomber alone he destroyed a much worse thing

>>6938287
>Cumflation is fine
jeeze you're a kinky guy
since your slot B is too big for his tab A, ever consider taking some of that gallons of cum and using it with some of that equipment you got a couple of threads back (was it last thread?)

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>Get my pokemon in cute meido outfits
>Tfw having cute pokemon in cute outfits
Why am I such a degenerate?

>>6938614
Are you giving it or are you receiving the other end?

>>6938505
>tfw the article makes it look like the attack was random and doesn't even say what kind of restaurant it was

>>6938562
Huh.
Any other pokemon you can do that shit with?

>>6938681
Apparently the Skitty is down for anything, but a bunch of old people keep stopping it from getting the D. Which, combined with attempts to dodge child support payments, has motivated it to join forces with a number of other random 'Mons, including among other things, Honchkrow who talks like Joe Pesci with brain damage and a big fucking lizard.

>>6938268
Well, there is a small, fleshy opening on the bottom side of the end of my tail. My reproductive tract is 8 inches deep, and has soft, little "spikes" lining the whole thing. On the outside, it is ringed by four prehensile "claspers", which look like tiny, fleshy arms with pincers on the end. They are used to pull males closer during sex, and keep them there. I have full control of the claspers, along with my "vaginal" muscles. The whole array is covered when I am not aroused.
It can't really compare to the Flabebe killer, though.

>>6938326
I managed to get him to eat me out yesterday, and it was amazing. Although, the taste of my juices may have been a bit...Strong.
Bug musk is an acquired taste.

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>>6938620
N-no way man the IP sucks!
Would a member of the IP fuck a Pokemon?? Ha!

>>6938751
Yeah? Well, I just happen to have their address.

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>>6938562
Looks like I might have to wear the demented plastic cock sock
>>6938642
I would rather be bloated than cum than have my hair get dirty and I think that says a lot about me

>>6938614
>breeds with Wailords
jeeze, how do you fit the guys?

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>>6938751
Post pics of you sucking off one of your 'mons to prove it

>>6938681
>>6938776
I'm a male Skitty, so I technically do the giving

>>6938744
oh, I was under the impression you were a dude

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>>6938744
This is the closest thing to it I can find.
Now imagine four little pincer arms around it, and you have my dragonfly junk.

>>6938799
Yeah, I haven't mentioned it before.
It doesn't really matter, though, right?

>>6938771
>Looks like I might have to wear the demented plastic cock sock
what?
I was saying the force of him cuming might er, force some down your rod

and judging by
>I would rather be bloated than cum than have my hair get dirty and I think that says a lot about me
I think that you'd be into it

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>>6938770
Oh yeah? I feel like you're bluffing.
You just want to be the only one giving the dude fanmail. Greedy.
>>6938779
Why would I keep pictures of that nature lying around? There's a blackmail bird in here. Have some quality porn instead

>>6938842
I thought the whole him-not-wanting-to-fo-penetration was because he was receiving

I guess that him not wanting to be the one penetrating indicates that he's more hesitant about this than I originally thought

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>>6938844
That was just a very roundabout way of saying condom
And idk assumed having a metric fuckton of high powered jizz shot down my dick might hurt like a bitch
If that's not the case I just won't bother buying condoms

Anyone here know what a Butterfree eats?

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>>6938511
>>6938370
On a related note, does anyone know where I can get Gengarite?

>>6938879
Well, he's really shy. Too shy to ever make a move on his own.
Like, look-at-him-lewdly-and-he'll-blush-and turn-away-like-an-anime-girl-shy.
Also, according to him, I am the first female to take more than a passing interest in him.
So...First pussy might be bug pussy if I keep pushing.

>>6938956
Cum.

>>6938511
If you're going for a theme I'd say it's fine, and for the League's it'll be fine. However, if you're going for the hardcore international regulated stuff I'd suggest dropping dusknoir and malamar and replacing them with physical attackers of some sort.
>>6938977
Battle Resort/Battle Tree type areas should have it

>>6938990
I gave Butterfree some cum. It's looking like it just smelled something rancid.

>>6938771
>I would rather be bloated than cum than have my hair get dirty and I think that says a lot about me
that's exactly my fetish
send pics with full belly pls
I've had relations with a blastoise and BOY do they have a big load
Their weird turtle-flare keeps it plugged in too

>>6939023
Was it fresh?

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>>6938977
I know a guy who's got an angle over at a Resort. Gimme a price, bambino, maybe we's can get a deal.

>>6938876
>picture
Kill all furries

>>6939023
you have to have a diet of fruits first anon
your cum is directly influenced by what you eat
you've probably ate meat in the last week didn't you?

>>6939033
Very.

>>6939055
Yea.

>>6938956
Flower nectar, mostly, but sugar syrup and honey both work.

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>>6939026
I'm not sure I'm talented enough to fit even the tip yet - at the base before the knot it's as thick as a wrestler's torso, and at the tip it's still about as thick as my thighs
Not to even mention the damn knot

>>6939039
Thanks m8

>>6939005
Just wondering about overall balance. Not really into the competitive scene myself

>>6939087
eat nothing but sweet fruit and citrus for a week and then try
it gives cum a pleasant taste and is more palatable for herbivores

>>6939093
These will harm, or potentially kill, your your Butterfree.
They can only safely eat semen.

>>6939127
So, just eat fruits and give my jizz to my Pokemon each week?

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>>6939128
That Butterfree's got it's priorities holy shit

>>6939157
along with it's regular diet

>>6939128
Will it be safe if I mix any berry juice w/ it?

>>6939263
Yes.
They require a daily ration of semen to survive, though.

>>6939284
I shall try again, with berry juice. Hope she'll like it.

>>6938744
>>6938842
>>6938990
Also, this is a wierd question, but how do I tell if he is scared, or digusted by my genitals?
I know if I ask him up front, he'll deny it to be kind to me.

WELP. They've pulled another fast one on me. Walked into my bedroom today to find a handwritten note and a very excited Aegislash on my bed.

They want me to do the League shit, take on the Gyms and the E4, become champ, that sort of sht.

With just them and the currently unhatched egg.

This is completely out of nowhere, and I'm not sure I want to do that, I mean, shit, this is almost as big of a decision as boning one of them.

Should I do it, anons? Do I have a chance in hell? (For reference, current pokes are an Aegislash and a Shiny Umbreon)

>>6938908
>And idk assumed having a metric fuckton of high powered jizz shot down my dick might hurt like a bitch
it'll take tha path of least resistance, if it fills you to any degree you're more likely to get pushed out than have any damage

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>>6939347
Do the Kanto challenge. Dumbasses don't even realize Dark Types are a thing; you'll steam roll them.
>>6939367
Well that fixes that problem. My next sexual encounter may include sounding, if he allows it.

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>>6939331
Leave your computer open with a dick pic on the screen and then watch and wait.

>>6939463
He's seen them up close.
And tasted them as well.

Also, skitty, you're a real bro.
If you are ever on Route 228, I'll pop on by, and milk you dry with my wings.

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oh shit she likes the flavored cum.

>>6939426
For real? Holy shit, I might be taking a trip to Kanto then, I think I've got enough cash from the beauty shows here (My Umbreon fucking rakes in the cash just by having fun on stage, everyone loves her, it's hilarious because if they knew how often she was the one that fucked up the entire stage they wouldn't let her on the grounds)

>looks up the Kanto gym current typings

Holy jesus FUCK this is going to be piss. I can delete most of these fucks with just Aegislash, Steel/Ghost really fucks their shit up.

>Immune to Normal, Fighting and Poison attacks

>Only two gyms have types that are strong against her (Fire and Ground)

>Those can get taken down by Lune

>Egg is, I'm 90% sure, an Eevee, which means I can evolve them into a counter to whatever gives me the most trouble

This is fucking insane, I think I'm actually gonna do it, just these two and the egg.

>Inb4 I'm a Pokedestined like Red, Gold, Ruby and the rest and I'm going to take down a criminal organization, capture a legendary, and wipe the floor with the E4

>>6939577
With their track record they'll probably flake out by the third badge.

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>>6939530
Fur some reason I thought you were Butterfree anon when I made that reply
Dunno why, I guess my reading comprehension became that of a Magikarp's for a sec there
If I'm in Sinnoh I'll pop by for a visit

>>6939612
Nah, these two love me to pieces and other than the soy sauce incident their pranks have been harmless or beneficial to me.

Yes, I'm still mad about that one, I have removed all soy sauce from the house because every time I taste it I get reminded of those god awful waffles.

>>6938771
>I would rather be bloated than cum
so you /did/ give yourself a cum enema?

Why is the Skitty so based?

>>6939426
>Well that fixes that problem. My next sexual encounter may include sounding, if he allows it.
post it here after you do the deed
(ooc your story so far is p.good looking forward to inflation shenanigans)

>>6939629
I am Butterfree anon!

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>>6939644
>mfw I reread my post
Holy fuck how did I let that glaring error slip the first time? That's supposed to be
>bloated with cum

>>6939426
>My next sexual encounter may include sounding, if he allows it.
try to work yourself up to taking the tip as well, you'd be surprised how intimate it can get with even a little bit of penetration.

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>>6939577
>yfw Team Rocket revives yet again just for you
Lemme know ahead of time if you encounter Rocket members
'Cause I'm gonna wanna hop that legendary dick when you eventually get one
>>6939663
I go Wailord spelunking on a daily basis
Does miracles for the fur
>>6939695
Sup Butterfree anon

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>>6939694
(Thanks man )
Henry's still out cold and I take a bit to write things down afterwards, so I wouldn't expect anything until next thread
>>6939716
I'll see. I've got an entire gallon of lube and a stretching kit, so I'll probably try and work up to being able to fist myself first

Any idea what happens if your pokemon, likely a butterfree steals cough syrup and tries to open it?

>>6939759
Three questions:
1:What do wailord juices taste like?
2:Have you ever almost drowned?
3:How tightly does their pussy squeeze and clench around you?

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>>6939830
The ones fresh from the wild had a sea water taste, those that were raised captive were more like slightly salted pool or tap water.

I almost drowned the first few times before I learned what I was doing - their skin is slippery enough as is, but a horny Wailord is basically a slip'n'slide

It's tighter than what one would think to begin with, but they also clench like a vice, especially right after orgasm. I guess it has something to do with preventing the cum from just leaking out back into the water.

Bonus: male wailords have prehensile dicks and can use them like a human would use hands if they want to

>>6939827
>I'll see. I've got an entire gallon of lube and a stretching kit, so I'll probably try and work up to being able to fist myself first

try using your 'mons cum as lube
it has natural propertys that help with lubrication and elasticity
(same kind of stuff that allows skitty to take wailord, don't ya kno)
It's better than the synthetic stuff, and if you leave a good amount of it in for a couple of days it'll make your muscles stretch easier. Something to do with encouraging collagen growth or something.
depending on how much and for how long, you'll be able to take the tip in no time

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>>6938771
>I would rather be bloated than cum
you might want to prepare to be bloated for a while, many pokemon with reptile traits have mating plugs

>>6939899
Your life sounds awesome.
Well, the parts where you explore inside a wailord, and fuck for a living, at least.
Say, what's the "wierdest"/most exotic Pokemon you've stuck your dick in so far?

butterfree is unconscious. not sure if my jizz or the syrup is the cause. gonna check it out for a bit.

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>>6939941
I guess I could just dump out the actual lube from the gallon jug and fill it with his cum next time.
>>6939975
Good thing I live in the middle of nowhere, or else that would be pretty awkward to explain to random passerbys

>>6939899

Say, what's the "wierdest"/most exotic Pokemon you've taken the dick from so far?

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>>6940026
Manaphy and Flabebe for both.
I didn't even know what a Manaphy was be-fur that. I just wake up and there's this weird ass blue... See through... Slug thing. Weird day.

Flabebe because despite the fact that I live in Hoenn someone keeps finding them and dropping them off to breed with me. Even though every single one of them dies.

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>>6940086
Normally they pull males out of the center be-fur I get the dick, but once they accidentally left a Serperior in with me fur two days before realizing it was a male because old fucks didn't know what a cloaca was.

>>6940124
you enjoy the hemibenis?

>>6940040
>Good thing I live in the middle of nowhere, or else that would be pretty awkward to explain to random passerbys
yeah, looking like you just downed a couple of 2 liter soda bottles would be kind of hard to explain lel

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>>6940138
I was scared for my life
Good thing I'm ultra stretchy

>>6940161
Why do you have all of these horrifying dick pics on hand?

>>6940161
>scared for my life
nigga you took wailord dork, and you were scared of hemipenis?

>>6940161
>>6940094
Manaphe sounds like an interesting fuck.
As for the serperior...
Sounds rough.
Also, whoever keeps dropping off Flabebes either hates them as much as you do, or is just an idiot.
What if somebody dropped off a horny grimer/muk one day?

>>6940250
>Manaphy
This dragonfly needs to go to sleep soon.

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>>6940210
(It's cause I design monsters for teratophiliacs )
I got dick pics of practically every species dude.
>>6940211
I've never taken Wailord dick
Always got cock blocked, so I've only seen Wailord dick thus far
Serperior was only terrifying because of the spikes. Not quite as creepy as pic related Seviper dick though
>>6940250
It was like a ditto. Super squishy. Pretty creepy.
I actually think the daycare people just put them with me because they don't realize that whoever's dropping them off may not necessarily want them bred. I only get stuck with same egg group Pokemon, thus I will never know the feeling of a muk shoving its entire arm up my ass

>>6937548
Alright, I finally worked up the courage and did it.
Went up to the shrine, did the normal tribute routine... then stripped. Pretty much immediately Bulu threw me into one of those weird psychic hallucinations that the Tapus do.
He looked kind of confused and didn't say or do anything, so we awkwardly stared at each other for a while. Eventually I worked up some courage, walked up to him, and told him that I wanted to give him a "special tribute". I reached out to grope what I presume was his genital slit... and my hand passed through. Because it was a fucking illusion. Of course.
After some more awkward staring, he demanded that I masturbate. I complied... the illusion immediately faded afterwards.
Not really sure what to do next. I guess I should just repeat what I did and maybe ask for him to physically visit me?

>>6940304
>thus I will never know the feeling of a muk shoving its entire arm up my ass
if a muk is shoving any part of itself up inside of you expect for the rest to follow
...not like I'm speaking from experience or anything...

>>6940304
Ever fuck a dugtrio?

>>6940304
I think Muks breed by enveloping compatible males, and forcing them to cum inside of their bodies. The sperm is then slowly manipulated to an egg, which, if fertilized, is later spat out, along with the male Pokemon.
You get swallowed, milked dry, and spat out, essentially.
Also, got a picture of a Yanmega dick? Ironically, I've never seen one.

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>>6940371
Well he asked you to masturbate, so he wants you in some way. I'm obviously not Alolan so I don't know the customs but... I'd wait a little bit before repeating, unless you've still got a hard on.
>>6940378
>an entire muk
Nigga I ain't that stretchy
>>6940387
Not yet. All the ones brought in have been male.
>>6940390
Shitty camera quality pic is all I have , I think it's actually from a Pokecenter

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>>6940390
>>6940431
The dick of a male yanmega is actually at the spot where the tail meets the torso, hence the weird wheel thing you guys do like in pic related

>>6940390
Kinky muks form the egg inside of the other male and make them lay it

>>6940464
I'm glad I don't have to do that when mating with humans or other Pokemon.
Speaking of which, it's a shame that you've never gotten to fuck a Yanmega, skitty.
From my perspective, we seem really tight and wet, and the texturing must feel heavenly.

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>>6940595
I'm a 2' tall cat with a 3" dick, so most things aren't really tight, y'know? I mostly just look for texture at this point, so when anon comes to pick me up I'll see if Sinnoh is on the way

>>6940686
How long has anon left you there?

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>>6940694
He's busting me out in two weeks or so and picking up Honchkrow.

Anon wasn't the one that left me here though.

Idk who my original trainer is, but I guess I have the breeding gig because Mom was from a Safari in Kalos and Dad was a special ditto. Something about 'sextaperfect' "IVs". But yeah. Now I get to carry around a Destiny Knot and go to town on Pokes.

>>6938176
>>6938128
>>6937819
>>6937748
>>6939827
What's with the circlejerking avatarfags?

>>6940787
Have you never been in this thread or the four previous ones before...?
Practically everyone uses avatars because this an RP thread. If either they or trips aren't used then it gets super confusing because you need to be able to distinguish between the anons, which is kinda difficult when literally everyone is talking about the exact same shit.

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>>6940787
Because this is basically an RP thread and we don't have names enabled on /trash/. It'd be kind of a bitch to identify people just based off text alone, unless they did like, [I AM THIS PERSON] before every sentence, which would just be annoying for everyone involved.

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Falling asleep without eyelids is like slowly passing out.

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So, uh, this is weird. Someone just sent me this thing. I've had pikachu in the past, and this thing acts like the aggregate of all of the ones I've ever met. An, "average," pikachu.

I'm... not sure what to do with it. I've checked it over. It has a pair of capacitors that would rival a pikachu's, and it does everything that a battle-trained pikachu does. The alert stance, the head-tilt to get a better view, all of the things that you'd get from something a battle-heavy trainer had had ahold of for a while.

There was no letter, no return address, and it keeps staring at me like it's expecting to be put into a battle at any moment.

>>6940034
How the heck did a butterfree open a cough syrup bottle? Nigga don't got fingers
>>6941153
It's your guard dog now
Test it out on Joey from Johto if you can

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>>6940916
>>6940862
Eh, I was here in the first thread and I honestly expected it to be just a thread for writefags to make one shots about what life would be like if pokemon were real. Didn't expect it to attract so many rp fags. I was just sorta expecting higher quality posts is all.

>>6941324
>having expectations
>on /trash/
That's where you fucked up.

>>6941212
I'm not really a battler, but I'll give him a hitting up. I've dealt with him in the past. He's kind of a pain, a bit, uh, clingy when it comes to calling people.

I'm currently trying to find out how to switch it into, 'house,' mode, so it'll watch my place while I'm out doing stuff.

Who /contests/ here?

Help my Garchomp wants to keep all of her eggs but I can't be a father to them all

>>6942228
I'm going to assume you've explained that you just don't have the money to keep all of them.

Let her keep them until they hatch, but line up adopters for when they hatch; she'll likely be begging you to get rid of them within a week or two of them hatching.

Alternatively, have her vet the potential adopters of her brood of eggs before letting them have them.

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I go to sleep once and were already to the next thread and its already over the halfway point.
Well, next point for me will be Lilycove city, think Skitters will be living there and its close.
I think that maffiabird said he's from goldenrod so after Skitters is found were gonna go to Johto.

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Library is open again, did you know there was a town down in the chasm?
It's so weird down there, anyone know anything about team Cipher?

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>>6942030
I only participated once, it was kinda fun, wearing pretty dresses, dancing, flirting with my master while people thought that it was part of the show.
I even won, but the jealous competitors started to say things like "how could that ugly pokemon win" and "this contest is rigged".
i wanted to beat them up but i didn't want to embarrass my trainer in tv so i held myself, but despite that i ran away outside and started crying.
But soon after that my trainer appeared and say stuff like "don't care what they think, you're beautiful to me" he knows what to make me croak, no wonder i love him

>>6942924
He's a good lad
But unless you make your feelings known he'll be stolen by some harlot

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>>6942850
I looked in the colosseum records and found a video of a battle I was in.
I was horrible at it lmao

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>>6942924
You actually like contests?

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>>6943007
i know that, i guess i should go to a psychic type trainer so i can relay my thoughs to him, but i don't feel comfortable around psychic types but if i'll do what i have to do to tell him the truth
>>6943122
what's the problem with that!?
just because i'm a fighting type doesn't mean i only enjoy fights?

>>6943200
You can also express your feelings to him through technology.
That's what I did with my trainer, anyway.

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>>6943200
I guess i shouldn't be surprised. Fighting types love to show off. Saw a machoke in a contest once. He was loving the attention.

Contests are pretty dumb though.

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>>6943300
at least i'm not the NEET that despit hating humans can't live without them

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>>6943440
The only thing i need humans for is wifi.

Why do you love those disgusting humans anyway? They are uglier than trubish.

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I LOVE MY SWORD!

>>6942030
I've been LIVING on contests, my Umbreon is shiny, so there's almost no competition

Go to bed

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>>6943603
who knows love isn't something simple to explain, he cares for me and i care for him, so we support eachother, so i fell deeply in love with him
>>6943223
i accidentely did it once, i was masturbating at porn of a female croagunk dominantly riding a human, thinking of me and master.
but i when i was almost finished suddendly heard a sound of the door behind me so i quickly though it was a burglar and instinctively went behind the door and the moment i opened the door i did a quick but strong poison jab on the gut, but a second later i saw that it was master, and started apologizing and started crying.
i put him on the bed started hugging worried for him, but i saw he was fine that was the first time i knocked him out, it has been around a month or so, since then

>>6943636
I don't know about that, my Sawsbuck is pretty tough to beat
Especially in the winter

>>6943972
as I said, almost. Also, I've just been doing them in Hoenn, so I haven't seen you often.

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>>6943630
Me to
>>6943636
Thats basically cheating tho
>>6943831
No u
>>6943856
Well don't get to attached. He probably frowns upon human/poke relationships. Like 99.9% of the rest of us do.

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Did they finally banned theae threads from /vp/?

>>6944042
The judges allow it, Lune loves it, and it keeps us fed, I see no problems.

>>6944049
(They were never on /vp/ to begin with)

>>6943856
That might have confused him a bit.
Humans are stupid sometimes, and can be oblivious to any and all advances you make.
Be blunt. Make a text document that says exactly how you feel about him, and show him it.
See where things go from there.

Honestly, I don't understand trainers sometimes.
They have Pokemon like you, who deeply love and care for them.
And then they push you aside, and instead pick up some manipulative human whore, who only cares about their money, and nothing more.
I don't understand it.
You need to claim him before some harlot does, Croagunk. And soon.

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>>6944042
i'll find out today since i'm taking him now to a psychic trainer but if he doesn't like me i guess i'll just accept it, it might be a bit depressing, but i'll just find love somewhere else
>>6944069
i know, i i'll make sure to do my best

>>6944244
Hug his leg and don't let go

>>6944244
If he likes you...
Give him a fucking that no human female can ever compare to.

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>>6944042
>99.9% of the rest of us
You are literally the only one here who doesn't approve of these relationships Zigzagoon

What is taking care of a Goodra like? I'm thinking about raising one from a Goomy, but I'm not sure how to take care of it in that stage either.

>>6943630
How does one care for an aegislash? What are they like?

My party:
F Cranidos
F Riolu
Bronzor
F Bayleef
Beldum
They're always climbing on me because I'm the tallest

>>6944485
I've seen a zigzagoon living in a defunct home down the street
An old dude got eaten in his sleep by some durants that started nesting there a few years ago but the durants left
If dubs I'll leave him a snack after work

>>6944566
It varies depending on the sword, Cali is a prankster, but she's got my best interests at heart. She likes it when I polish her (no, not in that way, pervs) because she likes to be shiny and sparkle in the light. Her diet doesn't exist, because not only does she have no mouth, she isn't biologically alive, the perks of a ghost type, I guess. Don't know about mating habits though, so I can't help you there.

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>>6944685
Sucks to be the fuzz ball.
>>6942630
According to the map on the wall it's on Route 117, just outside of New Mauville

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>>6943630
I want to marry my sword!!

But honestly, how exactly would you confess to your pokemon about your feelings for them without making it too weird?

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>>6944849
Drop it casually. "I love you Aegislash"
If she reacts negatively than say you meant in a platonic way.

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Who /variants/ here?

>>6944523
Goodras are very affectionate Pokemon.
You will be hugged, cuddled, and licked. A lot. They love to do these. As a result, you will frequently be covered in slime. A lot.
They tend to be emotionally sensitive. One yell, or one angry shove, can make them afraid of you, or worse, so watch your temper.
You will have to clean your house frequently. Anything they touch will get slime on it. Including you.
Goodras will naturally spread slime everywhere. Prepare your house, and yourself, for this.
Their slime is edible, and non-toxic. The taste mostly depends on your Goodra's diet. Sugary foods will make it taste sweet, for example.
Goodras prefer a warm, humid environment.
Any questions?

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>>6944849
Send them steaks and then whack their old man.

I'm tellin' ya, it gets the point across.

>>6944899
Above all, if you don't like frequent physical contact with your pokes, don't get a Goodra.
Both of you will end up miserable.

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>>6944887
>she
He, actually. Sounds like a good plan, night try it out when he's not busy training with my other pokemon.

>>6944913
He'll definitely appreciate the steak, but what if he doesn't really have any family members left? Unless if you mean something else by "old man", of course.

>>6944997
>he'll appreciate the steak
But... With what mouth??

>>6944997
Then whack someone else. You gotta whack someone, bambino.

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>>6944997
>>6945169
>you gotta whack someone
Whack yourself iykwim

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>>6945088
Don't know. Despite the obvious lack of visible mouths I've seen him "eat" multiple times, and I still don't understand how his species eat, honestly.

He has his favorite flavors too, so I assume that he does eat somehow.

>>6945198
Does he absorb the food into his blade, by chance?

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>>6945197
I can't. I'm a bird. There's nothing to whack.

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>tfw shedinja tugs on your soul gently
>tfw soul is coming loose from your worldly body because shedinja is playful

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>>6944317
>>6944354
i worked, hew was blushing at first but he was just unsure if he should or not have a that kind of relation with me, and he thought that he would just break my heart, but as he saw my determination he decided to give a try.
he is taking a bath while i type this to get ready for our first intimate time together.
i might not post for a few hours, i'll be a little busy~~.
my dream of my trainer taking my virginity will come true
goodbye for now

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>>6945212
Seems like he does. He doesn't leave leftovers often so all that food definitely has to go somewhere.

>>6945169
I'll see who I can whack, then.

>>6945197
I already 'whack it' to the thought of his cold, steel body pressed against myself but I don't think he'd be up to know about any of those thoughts.

>>6945283
Get in the bath with him

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>>6945227
>tfw masturbation is impossible
I feel ya mafiabird, I feel ya.
You wouldn't have this purr-oblem if you were a Swanna though
>>6945283
Make sure you aren't too rough or he won't have energy fur round two
>>6945270
I prefer these variations, honestly
Some of these hybrids make me wish I were part Glameow

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>>6945353
>Swanna
Thanks, I'll pass on the chainsaw mouth.

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>>6944685
Probably not me. I haven't gone outside since some assholes machop low kicked me in the ribs like I was a football 2 weeks ago.

>>6945403
It's almost like you don't want a dick twice the length of your body
>>6945445
Where the hell are you getting food fur-om

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>>6945445
I think it is you.
It's totally you, dude.

>>6945524
He probably gets his food when it "falls off a truck".

>>6945553
He ain't gettin' shit that's "fallen off of trucks" if he's inside 24/7

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>>6945524
My body is the size of a small calzoncelli, gatto. That wouldn't be muchava improvement.

>>6944042
>99.9%
>entire last few threads have been full of pokéfuckers in stable relationships with their pokémon
>oftentimes more than one at a time
I'm gonna take, "Made Up Statistics," for 1000, Alex. Unless you were only talking about wild pokémon, but since the anon you were talking to wasn't, that would be backpedaling.

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>>6945524
I have this urge to horde things lol. I have enough food to last a month here.
>>6945526
It's not likely. Do you live in a shit neighborhood?

>>6945654
I live near one

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>>6945611
You'd go from having no dick to having a ~6' dick what do you mean that's not much of an improvement
>>6945710
What region are you in anon?

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>>6945645
What better place for advice on pokephilia than on an anonymous board? Of course it's going to be a concentration of degenerates. Fucking pokemon should be illegal.
>>6945710
You better not be a dirty human. I don't want to find another house.

>>6945833
And the insular group you learned to dislike the very notion of it from is any less of an echo chamber of a single point of view for being a concentration of prudes instead?

Listen, I get it, you've probably had a lot of bad run-ins with humans. Doesn't mean they're all bad. When you look at a human, you don't see them, you see every human that's ever done anything to you that you didn't like.

You know what that's like? It's like every human looking at you and instead seeing every zigzagoon that they've ever caught in their trash can.

You're as much of a bigot as they are.

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Look, I's seen enough Joe Pesci movies to know what happens to well-endowed gentlemen in my line of work, taglio pulito, caphice?

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>>6945942
meant for
>>6945747

>>6945833
I'm happen to be a rampardos, dork

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>>6946059
You must be pulling some incredibly feats of flexibility to type
>>6945942
Well, I guess the cloaca's actually working out for you then.

>>6946143
I'm on my trainer's tablet

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>>6946059
What's it like being dead for several million years and then coming back?

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>>6946179
Some would say I'm a relic of a bygone time, something imperfect that should've stayed gone like nearly all others of my kind. It was like regular life, a long nap, and life again.
I say I like the food, have you ever tried ice cream?

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>>6946255
I've tried the Castelia Cones before. If I ever go there again I'll see about getting some for my Pokemon as well - they might enjoy the treat.

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>>6946305
The sugar causes sugar rushes. Lots of energy and explosive rage (for me, of course)

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>>6945901
But they do. Have i become what i hate?
>>6946059
Damn granpa. It's impressive you know how to speak our language and even more so you figured out how to use a computer.

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>>6946444
I've grown from a Cranidos
I've been in the future for 2-3 years now

>>6946444
>Have I become what I hate?
I think you always were. There's no real difference between people and pokémon when you get right down to it. Some of them are dicks, some of them aren't. Fact of the world.

How do you pleasure a human if you have nothing to, uh, penetrate?
I suppose I could finger them, but I think they wish for something more intimate.

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>>6946607
That depends, what are you?

>>6946633
Ah, an Aegislash. I can tell my trainer has feelings for me, I'm just, ah, rather awkward with these sexual things.

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>>6946668
Use your handle to penetrate him if you ain't up fur using your fingers. If it won't cut his hand I doubt it'll cut his ass.

>>6946668
Grind against their genitals with your blade. (The flat side, of course).
If they are male, learn to give amazing handjobs.
If they are female, learn to finger them.
You could also use your shield.

You wouldn't happen to know an umbreon named Lune, would you?

>>6946707
Isn't that rather large for a human body? I'm not looking to break their bones. I can't say I actually know much of human bodies.
>>6946722
I will try to! Ahh, well I know my trainer posts here I'm just posting here while they're out. Please don't tell on me.

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>>6946783
You'd be sur-purr-ised at how strechy humans are. One anon has taken a Blastoise dick and another is working up to a Tyrantrum dick. I'm purr-etty sure that yours will be able to to take your handle with enough lube and patience.

>>6946783
what DO you know about humans?

>>6946825
I'll see if they'd like that. Do I need to wait for a breeding season?
>>6946844
Not a whole lot to be honest.

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My trainer is nice
She doesn't get mad when I break things

>Come back from taking to my travel agent
>Cali is on my computer saying she wants to fuck me
Oh jeez, uh...
Not only was this completely out of the blue for me, but I uh, don't really want that, I love them both, but having sex with them is just... not something I'm interested in.

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>>6946891
Humans don't have a breeding season. I guess some have specific times of day they're more active.
>>6946915
Cool. What's she like?
>>6946923
So that was Cali, rather than >>6945297 's Aegislash?

>>6946964
She all but said so herself, but yeah.
I let her down easy as I could, we're still doing the League Challenge, but getting physically intimate isn't something I'm down for.

>>6947014
(I actually don't know who the anon posting as Cali was, or if it was supposed to be Cali, but given how they responded to the question I'm pretty sure that was the intent)

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>>6946545
Is it true prehistoric pokemon have a brain the size of a pea? you don't seem too stupid.

>>6946578
ive never met any nice humans. I'm usually greeted with a broom or fighting type.

>>6946707
its a sword.

swords penetrate. thats all they know.
honedge is so cool.

>>6946722
>genitals with your blade
this sounds not pleasant.

>>6946964
She works at a coffeehouse in Nacrene city. The music is horrible and there's some lanky guitarist always hitting on her.
I get it that she likes the job, but there's no way anyone would want to stay in one place for the rest of their life, right?

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>>6947160
That is mean. Fossils don't provide much in the line of actual biological data aside from dna being harvested.
That being said, it's closer to the size of an orange.

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>>6947215
I actually live between Nacrene and Black City, you guys could always drop by if you're looking for a break.

Maybe she's staying there because it's the only place she knows, or perhaps she just really likes the atmosphere of Nacrene?
You could always ask her.

>>6947160
It's not the brain itself that's small, it's the cerebrum, the part used for higher thinking.

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>>6944808
Oh, that one.
Yeah old folks working there, probably a hobby of them, i'd never see myself working for so long.

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>>6947014
Well, if you wake up and all your underwear is gone you'll know who to blame
>>6947160
The world is ending - Zigzagoon isn't complaining about a Pokemon wanting to get down and dirty with her trainer
>>6947215
She's fuckin' him bruh

>>6947328
It's a horrible town, everyone acts pretentious because they live in a small town away from the big city, but they always go to the big city and talk about how great it is.
>>6947439
she thicc
>>6947445
Should I kill him?

>>6947541
Just fuck her in front of him.

He'll kill himself!

>>6947572
I don't want to hurt her, she's too soft and squishy. But I also don't want her near that string-strumming scumbag

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>>6947445
as much as I hate it. I guess it's none of my business. Just be glad I'm not the pokepresident.

>>6947268
Prove your not stupid; whats 2+3?

>>6946923
this nigga gets it. coolest human here.

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>>6947439
>responsible for the massacre of Flabebes
They really should've stopped working a while ago
>>6947541
I'd say drag her out of town for a 'camping trip' and then fug her. She'll never go to anyone else but you fur a dickin' after that.

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>>6947647
Sounds like they have a dislike for Flabebes too then, but you know what they say about smiling elderly, never trust 'em.

>>6947604
5
You know a small town in Kanto elected a ponyta as its mayor for three consecutive terms?

>>6947445
>>6947604
I wonder if this Zigzazoon acts with disgust towards Human x Pokemon relationships because, subconsciously, he feels jealous of the Pokemon who have been lucky enough to find nice humans to spend their lives with.
I mean, when you've been kicked around and abused by shitty people your whole life, I can see why.

But, seriously, though, what is it with humans? There are certainly shitty Pokemon in the world, but shitty humans vastly outnumber them for some reason.

>>6947593
You just need to be in bed with her with your erect dick out (or her naked but that's a bit harder).

Like just lure her into her own bed and then just start rubbing one off.


He walks in, sees a lewd scene and storms off disgusted.

It could backfire if he's a cuck or he ruins her reputation or you could get permanately put in the pokeball.

What do you guys do with your pokemon when you're feeling too tired to do anything fun?

Are goodras made of goo, or do they just secrete it?

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>>6947593
You have her tablet. Just talk to her. Bring up your concerns about Nacrene and her relationship.
>>6947828
Cuddle

>>6947849
What is cuddling with a tyrantrum like? I think I wanna get one...

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>>6947870
They're super possessive, so you spend most of your time trapped between their chip and their feathery mane
I wouldn't suggest one unless you live in a fairly secluded area - they'll consider the land around your house their territory and get very mad when someone trespasses, even if you don't actually own that land

>>6947847
Well they're made of goo but it's pretty much completely solid, they secret it instead. If you want the real goo experience go for a Goomy or Ditto.

pokemon belong in pokeballs.


letting them out is a mistake.

>>6947849
>Try to cuddle my Garchomp
>He huffs and tries to look tough
Thanks anon I'm enjoying embarassing him.

>>6947781
>permanately put in the pokeball
What is this shit?
I don't want to fuck her, I'll hurt her.
>>6947849
I've tried that and she just says I'm being overprotective and that she doesn't have the money to travel.
Being in the future is weird, money is a completely foreign concept. She says she needs money to travel, but lack of money isn't keeping her from walking out of the city and travelling.

>>6947847
Goodras have a solid body, with smooth, slick skin that heavily secretes it.
They're very squishy, too.
Snivy here, speaking from experience.

>>6948011
You don't have to fuck her. You just need to pretend like you are.

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>>6948011
Dude you don't have to use your dick to please yo lady. You got a tongue, don't you?

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>>6948015
IS THIS YOU?

>>6937047
Kalos, but called out all over the place due to my job.

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>>6948047

>>6948047
Perhaps.

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>>6948044
But no lips or really anything else. I also wouldn't know what I'm doing.
>>6948032
I am a virgin, the most powerful wizard there is at 3.8 million years old

>>6948167
New bread! And I don't fuck up the link this time!