Trash Food Hey, /trash/. Tell me about some of your awful food

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>>5753075

I was hungry so I made beef ramen. Boiling water I put the noodles and seasoning. I knew it wouldn't be filling so I cracked a few eggs in there. I pour the then boiling water on it and waited five minutes.

I ate it and it was OK but there was a puddle of luke warm egg whites left over. I tipped the bowel and chugged the tepid slop.

>>5759954
Ramen is literally sad people spaghetti. You have my sympathy Anon.

I think one of the worst lukewarm thing I had was lukewarm coffee. I was in a rush and needed the caffeine so I chugged it down despite it making me gag a few times.

velveeta mac n cheese x2 + spaghettios + a can of tuna + seasoning

ended up calling it macmeetios

>>5753075
One time my dad made mashed potato, and it was watery slop with chunks in it. You could pour it into a cup and drink it. That's how sloppy it was.

He has never made it since.

I once ate a not fully cooked hot pocket when I was in college. This is the last hot pocket I ever ate...
We had this vending machine in the break room area that had all kinds of frozen shit in it like hot pockets. I got one and put it in the microwave for like two minutes. When I took it out a friend of mine said "That's meant to be piping hot" to which I responded "I'll do what I want" and proceeded to eat it with the middle being still cold.

The next day I woke up feeling sick as a motherfucker and spent the whole day vomiting and shitting violently. This was like in 1999 and I haven't eaten a hot pocket since.

>>5760552
One time I had an orange and it was right before I got really sick and started puking constantly. I know it wasn't the orange that made me sick but I can't ever eat oranges again. The texture makes me gag and I always think about that time and it puts me off oranges.

>>5753075
I used to bus at a fancy restaurant, made good money for a teenager job but I certainly wouldn't have wanted to eat there. The people who had worked ther longer than I said that it was much busier before the new chef came in, same year I started. There were no normal salads on the menu and all the meats were in bizarre sauces that usually just hurt the flavor of the meat itself. Good memories though.

As for food I ate, I recently took a big gulp of ripe milk. The worst part is that I smelled it a split second before I drank it, so I didn't have time to react but I did have time to realize the mistake I made.

I'm 26 and refuse to touch any kind of vegetable. Especially greens.

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>>5753075
>>be me 16
though microwaving peanut and tuna was smart.
Microwave explodes
Hungry.gif
pulls out tuna and peanutbutter from the melted plate
eats the plate and all.

>>5760552
There are no raw ingredients in a hot pocket. You're not even cooking it, it's a precooked meal that you just heat up. You can't get food poisoning from one.

>>5759954
>dat pic
kek

>>5761425
It was the only thing of note that I ate that day. It's possible it was contaminated after the fact.

>>5761425
>>5764358
Heating it up more would have probably killed the bacteria inside it.

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>be me, still living at home
>family comes from southern states
>we eat a certain dish every couple of weeks to """"""""""treat"""""""""" ourselves
>I call it 'The Meatcube'
>8 inch by 8 inch by 8 inch cube of grey-brown meat
>no idea what animal it's from, no one in family cares
>tastes like a severed dead horse's ass left out in the hot sun for a few weeks
>smells just as bad
>stringy as fuck, every bite gets little meat strips stuck between teeth
>gooey, melts and sticks to the inside of your mouth
>is a literal 10 minute operation to get all of it out of your mouth when you're done, so you can stop fucking tasting it already
>family calls it 'roast', puts it in slow cooker with random produce
>family insists it's a gourmet dish
>family bitches if you don't lick all broth and scraps completely clean from plate
>family pulls 'starving African kids' meme
>would gladly give this shit away to anyone who would take it, including niggers

>>5760529
Count yourself lucky. My father is not a horrible cook, but he is a very lazy one. He hates cooking. Considers it a waste of time. My mother is fantastic in the kitchen, but sadly she is also a doctor. So aside from the handful of times that my mother decided she couldn't be dealing with my father's culinary abortions, it was dad's nonsense all the way throughout my childhood.

I think fully 90% of my meals during that time consisted of boiled potatoes without gravy, boiled green beans with nothing, and meat murdered at high heat. Every. Fucking. Day. And I loathed green beans. They made me gag. Nothing I could do about it. The meat was mostly meatballs, completely dry and burned on the outside, because he was too impatient to give them the half hour they need. Luxury in this house consisted of cauliflower with cheese sauce. And that's also the only goddamn sauce he had ever heard of.

And it all made sense in my head, because apparently my grandmother was a horrible cook when he was young. You mean the woman who grew up during WWII, in Eastern Europe? YA THINK? Of course, I was fucking thrilled when grandma was cooking, because her food was actually fucking edible.

No fucking wonder I gained 20 kg's when I moved out. I was on a wartime diet. Having never learned to cook, I was still a better cook than my father.

>>5766371
*in his head

A friend told me this horror story:

He was eating with a bunch of first year students. Maybe their second or third month away from mommy and daddy. They were making pasta. Though to call it pasta is only a technical description. Because their interpretation of pasta was to cook some penne, and to then forget to drain it and leave it sitting in the water for a while so it soaks up all the goddamn water and the penne is completely flat when you put it on the plate. And to then put some Heinz tomato sauce over it. You know it, the stuff that's meant to be the base of a sauce? That was it. That was their meal.

A friend of mine also invited me to meal like that. It was slightly better, but he forgot to drain the rice, so it was disgustingly soggy, and his idea of sauce was to fry up some chicken and veggies, and just pour a bottle of curry sauce over that. As in, sandwich type sauce.

I don't even fucking know where these people pick up this complete ineptitude at cooking. I don't even cook a lot, but I rarely fuck it up. I still live in this goddamn student housing, and do you know how often the fucking fire alarm goes off, here? I've heard it go off thrice in one day.

We've had ONE fire.

The rest is all just students fucking up their cooking. I've seen smoke billow from the window of a room next to mine, got slightly worries, then smelled the burned toast and saw the bitch that lived there toss the toast out of the window.

HOW DO YOU FUCK UP TOAST?

I swear, if I'm ever a dictator, I'm putting a fucking life sentence on bad cooking. The fire department used to roll out for every alarm. They don't, anymore.

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>be me
>be in grade school
>be hungarian
>it's a wednesday
>we've had the worst shit for lunch on these days
>it was called "finomfőzelék", lit. delicous pottage
>it's cooked and diced carrots, turnip cabbages, turnips and peas in semi-sweet milk broth
>"Gobble it down u lil' shit or u don't get schnitzel with mashed potatoes."

It's was so terrible, that one kid threw up after eating it, yet we had it on every wednesday.

>>5766544

Oh Jeez, that sounds like the Veggie Delite my mom's mother-in-law would cook.

>Veggie Delite
>Consists of 2 cans of Veg-All.
>Add canned peas and carrots to it.
>Add a can of tomato sauce to it.
>Boil it until everything falls apart.
>Serve it with runny mashed potatoes that aren't salted and don't contain milk or butter and some sort of bland beef product that's been cooked until it's dry and the meat has turned grey.
>Ketchup for seasoning.

She was literally the worst cook in the universe, but people at her church swore her food was the best they'd ever tasted. Her desserts were good, but that was it.

Roommate's sister's potato soup:
>Mashed potato flakes
>Water
>Boil and serve.

Spaghetti:
>Cook spaghetti, leave in water until it swells and gets cool
>sauce: 1 pound ground beef, two cans tomato sauce, a couple cups of sugar. that makes it taste good, because people like sweet stuff, right?
>Garlic? Onion? Basil and oregano? What's that? Those taste funky. Leave those out.
>Throw everything into one pot. Add raw ground beef and boil. Let sit until cold and serve with some saltines or something.

Roomie's sister's gumbo:
>What's a roux? Never heard of that
>Throw corn, mixed veggies and carrots into a pot. Dump a bunch of water in it. The more the better. Water's good in soup, right?
>Throw raw chicken into pot. Hey, gristle's supposed to be good for you.
>Salt? Celery? Bell peppers? garlic? Onions? Eww, those are nasty. leave those out. I hate celery anyway.
>Boil the fuck out of it.
>I don't like okra. Leave that out.
>Hey, let's add some sugar to it. Maybe some bulk sausage. Not too much though.

Mac and cheese:
>Boil macaroni. Don't bother draining
>Throw some cheese over in it. Couple handfuls, something like that.
>Milk? This is mac and cheese, not mac and milk. Add your own milk if you want.
>Boil it for a while. When it coagulates, it's done. Let it get cold, cut it and serve it.

Last step in all recipes:

>Let it sit on the stove all day and night for the next three days, or until it turns grey, whichever comes first. Cover it to keep out the roaches if you want. Then complain because you got food poisoning.

>eat banana for the 9998th time in my life
>get a terrible reaction from it, feel like itchy death
>never eat a banana again
I never liked bananas anyway.

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>>5766962
>Come in from work
>Roomie's sister and husband are crashing at our place because they're too lazy to unpack the stuff at their new house. For a month.
>Not paying rent
>Find they've raided the freezer and ate the ribeyes you got on sale. That were in a bag. With your name on it, written in a black Sharpie.
>"We didn't know those were yours."
>Made instant vanilla pudding, threw the vanilla beans you got on clearance into it.
>"It tastes so good now. Sorry."
>Gave remaining leftovers to their weenie dogs.
>Offer to cook supper for you to make up for it
>Bums money from your roomie. Buys stuff. Makes spaghetti exactly as in recipe I posted.
>While I'm at work.
>And left it on the stove uncovered until I got home, when I found it full of the german cockroaches they brought over with their shit.
>But hey, the pudding was good, right?
>TFW

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>>5766962
>>5767077
I feel legitimately sorry for you, anon.

>>5767077
Jesus fucking Christ, what is it with some people? Being a lazy fuck for yourself is one thing, but being that lazy in your relations with others is something else entirely.

I would fucking poison them. Buy some nice steak or something, so I know they will steal it, and then laugh as they turn it into shoe leather and chow down.

These people steal your shit, bring roaches to your house, and don't even pay for the fucking privilege. This is criminal stuff, Anon.

>>5767042

>Love pineapples
>Ate a pineapple that burned my mouth.
>Can't eat ANY pineapples anymore because now they're all doing that.

I feel your pain.

>>5767176

>Live with cats
>remove small amount of leavings from litterbox
>add fresh catshit to hollandaise sauce because you fixed breakfast for your roomie and turned her on to eggs benedict.
>Serve roomie and her mom BEFORE adding catshit because you're not a complete dickhole and they're victims here too.
>Serve catshit-contaminated food to roomie's sister and her dumb-as-shit Christfag husband.

Feels good, man.

Anything by taco Bell.

Our local taco bell dumps corn in everything.

>>5767383
You did the Lord's work, Anon.

Literally every time at Burger King. Haven't been in like a year but not matter what Burger King I go to it takes like 30 minutes for FAST food.

>>5753075
>be me ordering Domino's pizza at one of their shops
>large pepperoni
>get it in 15 minutes
>drive home with it
>roommate and I start eating it
>3 slices in I start to feel my stomach rumble
>I stand up to get a soda to try and help my possible indigestion
>right as I grab it you just hear this loud ass shart
>PPPPPBBBBFTTTTTT
>literally shat myself, liquid shit dripping down my legs
>roommate looks at me before saying he'll get me some new clothes from my room
>can't even look him in the eyes as he hands me my underwear and shorts
>waddle to bathroom trying to leak as little shit as possible
>after I clean myself and the floor off I tell him I'll never eat Domino's again
>he says I should just wear a diaper when I eat from now on with a shitty grin on his face
>fuck that
We don't really talk about it much but I figure I'd share since OP's pic reminded me.

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>Dairy Queen has radioactive greaseball called a Grillburger
>Also has jalapeno/bacon/hot sauce heaven burger called Flamethrower Grillburger
>Always order the Flamethrower
>one in every three fucking times, end up getting the plain version because the names both have 'Grillburger' in them

>have to cook our own meals at home economics class in middle school
>somehow my group manages to ruin a simple berry flavored porridge
>can't get it down, almost gagging after a couple of spoons
>teacher tells me to finish it
>whole class is judging me
>some girl from another groups says theirs is delicious
>probably got my grade lowered because of it

>>5767880
Food poisoning doesn't happen that fast. It had to be something else you ate. Your friend should have also felt ill effects

>>5767880
Food poisoning is a horrible thing.

>>5753075
>Tell me a bad experience from a restaurant you hate or a restaurant you loved.

Got food poisoning at a Mexican restaurant. I love Mexican food but that place was a mistake. The effects were in the morning after, I was literally dragging myself in the upstairs hallway to get to the restroom. My stomach hurt so bad.

I knew it was food poisoning because my mom was also experiencing the same thing.

I was probably on the toilet for a good hour or two. It was a pretty bad and painful experience. I had to take off all my clothes cause the whole process was so uncomfortable and painful and I felt like puking the whole time. I hate throwing up, so to prevent it I had to splash some water on myself from the sink while I was naked on the toilet. It was a mess. I think I even cried a few times and wished I was dead.

>>5781083

Ye gods.

I've had that,. Stick one end on the toilet and hang the other end over a wastebasket Beg someone to bring you something cold to sip between heaves. Or kill you. That works too.

>Go to cousin's wedding
>Ceremony at her brother's house
>Her husband's family is there. They show up late. They didn't even bother to dress.
>Her husband's grandmother says, during the service loud enough for everyone to hear, "Is anyone here actually stupid enough to think this is going to work?"
>White trash assholes get up and wander out to get drunk during ceremony
>grams still brought quiches and pigs in blanket.
>Eat chunk of quiche. Grams gives this vicious grin. "Hope you like it."
>And salmonella.
>Wind up in hospital with cousin and six other people.
>salmonella said, "Hey, everybody! Pick a joint and fuck it!"

>>5767689

they haven't improved.

The service is slow as shit even at night when there's no one there. The food is worse quality and for what you'd pay for it you can damn near get a real meal in a restaurant with a cheap buffet.

I went inside of ours a couple months ago and it was filthy and it stank. I didn't go back.

The best burgers I've found here come from little hole in the wall places or local truck stops and they aren't really that much more expensive, but they take a lot longer to get your food ready. Sonic and Wendys are the best chain-type places for burgers where I live. McDonalds and Burger king are shit-tier.

>>5783004
>tfw non-chain places are the norm, rather than the exception

It is good to be a Eurosnob.

But the weirdest thing is, some American chains have no presence in Europe at all. None. So my first contact with shit like The Golden Spur and Steers was in Sub-Saharan Africa. Especially the Spur is something I associate with Africa, not the US. My mother is there now, and she sent a message saying "lol ate at the spur again".

>>5783103

Chain places have their place. Some are pretty okay and they usually get your food to you in a hurry compared to other places. Which is good if you're in a hurry and need to get back to school or work with your lunch.

But the quality and the food are often worse and if they're slow as fuck anyway that wipes out the one advantage they've got over going to a hole in the wall or just bringing your own food.

You can get around that by calling it in I guess, but that probably goes with the chain store too.

Out of sheer curiosity, what chains are available in your neck of the woods? I figure McDonalds is around there somewhere, because they're like a fucking fungus. Like Starbucks.

>>5767689
>>5783004
>>5783103
>>5783785
A good chain place is Whataburger. It's only in southern states though.

>>5783993

http://www.andys-restaurant.com/

Close to where I live. They're pretty decent. The Grand Andy is pretty awesome, and you can get it loaded with chili and jalepenos.

>>5784272
Wish one was close by. I would go.

>Be at music academy
>chat with qt japanese girl who is in the same class
>suddenly start throwing up
>get some puke on her purse but thankfully not on her
>had to go back to my room to get some rest
>ended up resting longer than normal
>room was hot af despite closing down the shutter
>ended up skipping rehearsals
>so weakened I couldn't eat for 2 days
>had to drink coke to keep my blood sugar at reasonable level

I wasn't alone to suffer, turned out it was a small epidemic and some people had it worse. The management actually started investigating the cause of all this and it was then that I learned the local canteen served poisoned food, possibly salmonella.
The management promptly took measures and the canteen stopped serving raw meat for several days.

>>5784314

They served raw meat? Like, sushi or steak tartare or something?

Norovirus can hit hard and fast like that. Leaves you feeling weak as a kitten.

>QuikTrip taquitos
Me and a friend has 1 (one) each before school, and we both went to the nurse ten minutes later in phenomenal pain. I should have known.

Anybody else hate it when people eat and they smack their lips?

>>5766176
>>5766544
>>5767880
>>be me

get out

>>5785890

>Get breakfast burritos at gas station.
>Horrible cramps
>Get breakfast burritos from same gas station a month later like a dumbass in hopes that was a one-off.
>Horrible cramps and projectile shits.
>Talk to roommates about that place. Literally everything they serve makes people ill and has for years

>>5766879
This sounds like something straight out of those horrible 60s cookbooks made to sell canned food.

>>5767208
That's just the acidity, eat past it.

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>>5786562

There's an entire site for that shit.

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/

Some of it actually isn't too bad. But I had family who thought everything was better if you encased it in aspic and that sherry and chicken boiullion was awesome served hot. Their desserts were edible but that was it.

>Have you ever had a dish that looked disgusting but tasted great?
Lipton noodles
They look like snot but they taste OK

>>5783103

A lot of American chains don't even have a presence in Canada. You shouldn't be surprised that not every fast food joint can expand past America.

>>5795516
To take it a step further, there are many American chains that are strictly regional and can't even be found elsewhere within the continental states.

>>5796277

Example here:

>>5784272

>>5760484
I regularly eat Tuna Mac, which is a box of velveeta macaroni + a can of green beans + a can of tuna
Once my sister came home when I was cooking it, and she asked what the wet garbage smell was.

I usually put sriracha on it, but it's good with applesauce too.

>>5799906
That sounds tasty. Seriously.

>>5800092
It's good, it's easy to make and the ingredients have a great shelf-life
It reheats well enough, but I usually eat the whole pot over the course of the evening.

>>5783785
I don't really hate chain places or anything, but there's this sharp contract between big, global chains and local, one-off operations. The fried chicken joint in this town is basically an American style fast food fried chicken place. But halal. And it's a single store.

First time I went there it even had bona fide African American customers.

>>5795516
>>5796277
>>5797010
Yes, buuuuuuut... you seem to have missed the part where I said I encountered them in fucking AFRICA. So no presence in Europe, but a massive presence in Africa.

the other day i wanted to make hot dogs but i had no buns so instead i wrapped 3 microwaved dogs in a spinach wrap with ketchup, mustard, avocado, and sweet relish. it was kinda gross but i ate it anyway

>>5799906
This sounds horrendous but I also hate two out of three of those ingredients and don't particularly like mac and cheese either.

>>5800871
Velveeta is great, tuna is good, green beans aren't particularly good, but they're bland enough to mix in and you gotta have some veggies.

Get better taste, nerd

Boiled ramen noodles and drained them. Added onion and garlic powder, canned chicken, oyster sauce, a little Peanut butter and just a dab of fish sauce and nuked it. Threw a little sesame oil on it when it was done. It was actually kind of tasty.

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>live at home with two little bros and a little sis
>friday nights are when the folks go out for drinks so they always get us fast food
>Dad comes home with a bucket of KFC
>chow down on that extra crispy goodness
>was extra hungry so I ate more than usual
>dad tells me little sis is sick in her room and to watch her while they're out
>take care of her, make sure she's got water and a puke bucket
>tuck her in and go to bed
>wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat
>fuck I caught her bug
>puke up five pounds of chicken and gravy

I couldn't eat KFC since. The smell makes me nauseous.

>>5800172

>Yes, buuuuuuut... you seem to have missed the part where I said I encountered them in fucking AFRICA. So no presence in Europe, but a massive presence in Africa.

New York City alone has more McDonald's in it than all of Africa. I'm seriously doubting American franchise has a "massive" presence in Africa. South Africa seems to be the only big exception with a large KFC presence.

>>5815302
Are you just trying to get under my skin for its own sake, or are you legit being retarded? Either way, fuck off.

>>5785890
>>5786474
lol just get hot dogs and stay away from everything else

>>5767532
I can't say I've ever had corn at a Taco Bell. What do you order?

>>5820421

I usually ordered a taco salad or one of the burritos. I'd generally find seasoned corn tossed into it. Even if I asked them to hold it it was there. Other folks had the same problem, so it wasn't just that I was a douchebag they didn't like. Not that I'm disputing that I'm a douchebag or anything, just that this was a different issue.

The tacos themselves never had them and I never had this problem at other taco bells. Just the local one.

I have corn in my stool and I don't remember eating corn.

>>5815169
I know a similar feel, but with banana chips.

>>5820083
They don't have hot dogs. They have these eggrolls and meat pies, and I think they basically leave them in there until some poor bastard buys them.

The place down the street has hot dogs. Good ones, too.

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>>5766962
>that gumbo

absolutely fucking disgusting
As someone from Louisiana I am personally offended.
don't allow her to call that gumbo.

>>5837556

At an absolute minimum it needs a roux. they make that shit canned now so there's no excuse. a jar of it lasts damn near forever.
You saute the holy trinity in it: onions, bell peppers and celery. Doesn't matter if you hate them, you miss them when they're not there. Garlic too. Canned chicken if you don't want to fuck with deboning or cutting up a chicken and cheap sausage and whatever other meats you've got, cubed salami and even some boiled eggs if you want. Throw everything into that shit. Couple bay leaves and maybe some thyme. Add file powder and pepper if you want. it needs to have a little bite, enough to let you know it's Cajun and if you can get it, okra. Okra and file powder get it thick and you want it thick so you can serve it on rice, maybe some canned tomatoes or tomato paste if you swing that way.. Some Worcester sauce when it's cooking, you need that and you know when it's not there. And no goddamn sugar. That shit doesn't come anywhere near it. If you want to add sweet, throw in a little bit of dry wine. It's not rocket science, and anything else is pure fucking incompetence.

>>5827644
I can't eat a raw banana without heaving violently and possibly throwing up. I'm fine with dried banana chips though. I have no idea why I have this involuntary response to them.

I had an aunt who made a cole slaw with pineapples, carrots and raisins, and it honestly smelled like a sewer.
She was the kind of lady who encased everything in lime jello and called it a salad. She once brought this salad made with lime jello, cabbage and popcorn to a Christmas party.

It tasted like you'd expect.

>>5843198
If you can't be bothered to cook and cut up a whole chicken, you can get rotisserie chicken from the grocery and use that.

You forgot to add the smoked turkey neck.

>>5767042
>>5767208
Sounds like pesticide poisoning. Or maybe an overdose of whatever they spray the fruit with so they don't rot during shipping.

You don't have to worry about this if you buy organic

>>5843285
Good point.

>>5843496
or you could, you know, wash your vegetables. You definitely can eat enough pineapple to make your mouth bleed though, it's that acidic.

>>5847760
Must be hell on tooth enamel.

>>5847760

You can cut the acidity a bit with salt.

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I tried using pina colada mix as coffee creamer

>>5815169
Same sort of deal happened to me with Thai food, now I can't go within 500 feet of a Thai place without it smelling inexplicably like dog food and making me gag.

>>5855171
or you could not be a giant baby and eat a whole pineapple anyway

t. ate a whole pineapple once

>>5864867
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RrQc4ZAi_o

>>5753075
The kitchen at the place I'm staying at is abysmal.
Sure, it's cleaned by staff, but:
>the residents are largely disgusting chinks (you do not know true hatred for Chinese unless you are a Kiwi or a businessman)
>so you have to wash pretty much everything before you use it as well as after
>there's about a half chance an item will be visibly dirty
>there's a very small chance it will be dry (drying cloths and drying racks are sparse)
>in the event that it seems totally clean, it's probably sitting in the area where there's at least 20 flies in one square metre
>oh and also the kitchen is like "fuck western food" because it lacks even a single decent frying pan or an oven despite having countless stoves and woks
Good thing I'll be living on a boat soon.
If I figure out how to build a giant WiFi receiver I might not even need to use expensive mobile data and might be able to use WiFi from the city instead.

>food others think is disgusting
I had vanilla icecream on baguette slices and it was pretty good.
Also, why does everyone seem to think the fat on beef needs to be cut off?

>>5871946
>Also, why does everyone seem to think the fat on beef needs to be cut off?

Who is "everyone"? Because I've only seen people do that when they cut the beef into pieces, so you don't bite down on a piece of fat in your one-pan meal. So if it's the chinks, that's why.

>>5864867

>t. ate a whole pineapple once

We salute your intestinal fortitude, Anon.

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Only been food poisoned twice in my life. Both incidents were this year.
The first time wasn't that remarkable. I ate one of those pick-your-own-salad thing with an assortment of veggies, carbs and protein stuff. Ate some bad shrimps and puked a few hours later. Should have known since those kinds of salads are a common thing people get food poisoned from. bought late at night so it had been standing all day.

The event from last month was way worse.
>at friend's place and chilling
>we go out to get snacks
>buy a cheap variety of things
>looking back i am certain it was the chicken that time
>said chicken was those pre-cooked whole chickens and then cooled
>feel ok for a few hours after eating
>watch a movie and chill some more before i go home
>feel a rumble in stomach but suspect it's just a regular shit
>little did i know what my asshole was about to experience that night
>rumble turns to pain
>going home is now a challenge. Struggling with every step and clenching my asshole
>we are not even fucking two kilometers apart
>finally get home. Running towards toilet
>must have lifted 2 inches from the seat from the sheer pressure, spraying the insides
>this does nothing for the pain
>repeat process for a few hours before eventually settling
>put on a diaper that night because i was afraid to shit the bed

I believe it was the chicken. Another contributing factor might also be that it was the first day of detoxing myself from two weeks of prescribed morphine

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I unironically enjoy this

>>5875753
I've only been properly poisoned once (not counting loose stools after fast food meals), or at least I believe I was. I had liver and onion in a workplace cafeteria. Started feeling weak after a couple of hours, and vomited all night when I got home.

It's also possible that I got some bacteria into my mouth when biting my nails,but I've always blamed the liver. Never eaten it since.

>>5875753
The morphine could have had more to do with it than getting food poisoning especially if whoever else ate it didn't get sick. Opiates have a paralyzing effect on your bowels so your shit stops moving the more you take. Hard core addicts end up with impacted bowels because of this, and sometimes it's not possible to get the movement restarted.

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>>5877462
what IS that, anyway?

I happen to unironically love Spam. I gross out the people at work because I bring a can for lunch sometimes and eat it on crackers. With a little mayo.

>>5884235
it's rotten-ass fish

>>5885074
Still not as rotten as Hákarl

>>5885408
Mom...rotten shark, buried in a beach somewhere.

>>5885408
Not only is it a crime against food, but that's also a crime against nature as those sharks live like 200 years or more and there's no mature ones left as they've been overfished.

I once thought it'd be great to add cinnamon to red wine (I think chardonnay) and microwave it. I had some stupid 'mulled wine' idea in my head. Turns out it results in a really awful chemical reaction. The whole think kinda initialized and tasted awful. I recommend never doing that.

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>>5886394
Aww, and I wanted to try it someday. I didn't know it was overfished.

>>5886394
Shit like this always pisses me off. And it pisses me off more that the teary-eyed bastards concerned over chickens and cows not living like kings have more political clout than people concerned about species actually going extinct. I'm sorry, but the natural world is more important that the comfort of some chicken. Chickens are a succesful species. They're not going to disappear. And if I had to torture a few million chickens more to get people to stop eating endangered seafood, I'd do it in an instant. The oceans are pretty damn important.

And I really hate that the West is just realizing this while the rest of the world is becoming wealthy enough to emulate Western luxury, and pissed off enough to say "fuck the West, they did it too, so they have no right to complain", while we have too many idiots who say "yeah, they're right, saving the world is tantamount to slavery and colonialism when it isn't massive self-criticism of the West, now let's save some more cows and chickens!".

That episode of South Park was retarded for this exact reason.

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>>5886404
That's because you did it wrong you dum-dum.
If you want to make mulled wine or Glögg as the scandinavians call it, here is how.
Get some cheap ass brandy/cognac. Pour the am amount you want to use in a bowl or small pot. Add cinnamon (preferably sticks but ground up works too), cardamom, ginger, orange peel (dried, fresh works but can go bad after a while) and carnation, spice, not the flower.
Add them all to the brandy. Now take less than one cup of sugar. Melt the sugar and pour into the brandy, be careful so it doesn't catch fire. Stir. Pour it back into a bottle that can be closed again, chunks too. Wait for a week. Filter away the chunks until the brandy is free from shit into a new bottle.
NOW take the red wine in cup that you like. Add the spiced brandy/cognac. Heat it up but don't make it boil.

Lastly i will mention that even in Scandinavia this is considered an acquired taste. It might be that you simply didn't like it.

>>5889392
My mom got me some Hippocras from France. I wish I could get that stuff on the regular.

>>5889392
I don't even drink alcohol and this made me cum.

>>5884235
Fermented herring. A swedish "delicacy". The smell is close to road kill, the taste is not bad if you ask me. Imagine two thirds sour like vinegar and one third salty.
You eat it on flat bread with butter, boiled potatoes, onion and sour cream. You drink spiced 40% liqueur. If you are a pussy you drink the kind with elderflower taste. These are all precautions to reduce the pungent taste and flavor.
>>5885074
It's only half-rotten

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My Dad made some chicken quesadillas and since he's a pretty good chef, I thought I'd try one. Turns out he uses Worcestershire sauce.

Disgusting.

>>5896919
why would you do this

>>5893940

Ehh, I( could eat it. I like limburger, and that smells like an overflowing diaper bag.

>>5753075

I came home from a party 5 in the morning once, I was drunk as fuck and decided to make some sort of breakfast before heading off to bed.

I started by frying some diced bacon, decided it wasn't nearly enough on it's own, and I added basically whatever I could find in my cupboard. Tomatoes, eggs, a can of beans, sweetcorn, onion, just chuck it all in there.

I ate maybe half and put the rest in the fridge.

When I woke up and checked the fridge, I found this awful diarrhea-looking mess, I almost threw it out then and there, but decided to try a bite. And you know what? It was fucking DELICIOUS, to this day I still wish I'd be able to replicate the recipe, it was that good.

>>5889392

Nice, I'm a huge fan of glögg and might have to try this.


I like experimenting with liqueur. Clear spirits are a fraction of the cost of liqueur and the results are almost always better. Some of my more interesting experiments:
>sun-dried lime liqueur.
I found a pack of black, fermented and shriveled dried lime in an ethnic store, they're supposedly called "loomi" and used fairly extensively in Persian cuisine.
Food-wise, I think they go good with fat fish, I prefer them over lemon, but they make an excellent liqueur when soaked for a few months.
>lime liqueur.
Tried the same thing with fresh lime, it was nowhere near as good, lacked the earthy and smoky touch the dried ones had, and was way too bitter. Should have peeled them first or something I guess.
>random spice liqueur
Cinnamon, cardamon, star anise, liquorice, etc. sweetened with dark syrup.
No formal recipe or anything of the sort, first batch turned out great, second one not so much. Somewhere in the ballpark of Jägermeister.
>cherry core liqueur
Inspired by Amaretto apricot kernel liqueur. Best liqueur I've ever tasted.
I was visiting my parents and mom had recently picked our cherry trees. She was about to throw the cores out when I remembered that cherries and apricots are closely related.
So I took the kernels, sealed them in a plastic bag and crushed them with a hammer as best I could. Add some cheap spirits and sugar on top and it kicks Amaretto out of the park.

>>5837556

Roomie's sister and bro-in-law is making a jambalaya. Actually, they're making what looks like some sort of rice-based porridge that they're calling jambalaya.

Roomie's sister's Jambalaya:
>Boil rice until it's soft and you can sip it through a straw.
>Onions and garlic? Celery? Bell peppers? No need, those things are disgusting, seriously? You want them? Okay, can't you just put them in the stuff at your table?
>Some chicken and some sausage. Bulk sausage is pretty good, right? We'll just add a bunch of it. Oughta cook in the stuff, right? Just toss it in raw there. Draining? What's that? Yeah, it's a little freezerburned, we got it out of hubbie's granddad's freezer, it'd been in there for a few years, and it's homemade deer sausage but I bet it'll still be good.
>How much pepper? Yeah, we'll just throw a handful in there. You complained about salt, well, soy sauce is pretty salty. We'll add a cup, something like that.
>Tomato paste. It needs to be red, jamabala is red, right? Okay, this is mostly brown, but that's close to red.
>Cook it all down until you can slice it like bundt cake. Serve with saltines or something. Maybe some wonder bread.

Kill me.

>>5856274

How did it work?

>>5875753

Once when I was a kid, we picked up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store.

I got a piece of breast. I bit into it and this horrific smell comes up. I can't quite spit the stuff out before I swallow some of it.

It turns out the chicken had soured next to the bone, and it smelled like rotting chicken but the outside of it smelled okay. I was the first to get a bite of it, so I was the canary in the coal mine.

I went into the bathroom and forced myself to upchuck. I guess I didn't get it all, because I spent the next two days and nights bazooka-barfing into the bathtub with my ass on the toilet.

>>5907654
Sounds like the heating must have been defunct where that chicken was placed or it was frozen before. I've never had that problem with that kind of chicken prior and my family always bought that before picnics. Either way, you might end up getting the short stick at some point.

Picking up deli stuff is always a minor roll of the dice. Some places are better than others, though.

I've rarely had problems with stuff from C-stores, except in the odd case of breakfast burritos and such. Eggs seem to be a special case. Strangely enough, the worst offenders in that regard that I've found have all been delis in larger grocery stores.

>>5911331

>Me and GF decide to take a drive out of the city for shits and giggles
>Both get hungry, stop at some random Dive we find
>Order a "pizza"
>It's just a big piece of bread with gigantic peperroni slices and literal single cheese slices slapped on it
>Tastes like complete ass, eat two slice and leave the rest
>Few hours later I'm puking on the side of the road
>Threw up like 4 or 5 times before we got home
fuck that place

>>5913822
I fucking hate puking but i take it over the shits any day. Ever shit the bed while asleep due to ingestion? It is the opposite of fun.

>>5913822
Man, even the pizza I had in the hospital about a year ago tasted and looked better than that sounds, and it looked like cooked play-doh.

>Live in the south
>Not the good part of it where food has taste, but the part where deep-fried meets midwestern blandness
>Grow up surrounded by people whose idea of seasoning is waving a saltshaker vaguely in the direction of whatever they're cooking
>At least fried stuff tasted like something
>"Curry? Never heard of that, that some of that sandnigger food?" That's a direct quote.
>Chicken spaghetti with salsa and nacho cheese and chicken and dumplings with bland white sauce treated like exotic dishes for special occasions and everyone but you raves over them.
>Dessert had flavor because it was sweet at least
>Cheese was Kraft singles or Velveeta
>Slather ketchup on everything to hide the
>Grow up and move away
>Find out that people elsewhere actually cook food with herbs and spices
>Find out cheeses come in more varieties than Kraft and Cracker Barrel.
>Gain twenty pounds finding out food can actually taste good.
>Study gourmet cooking and fusion cuisine
>Come home and try to cook for family
>Family won't touch it because it "smells funny," eats leftover chicken and dumplings instead
>Family visits later, insists on bringing their own food

Feels bad, man

>>5905535
cherries don't have cyanide in them like apricot pits do they?

>>5917099
Cherries, apples, peaches and apricots all have cyanide. They are in the same family

>>5917099

No idea. Doesn't really matter. Didn't even know that was a thing.

My reasoning has always been that since accidentally eating a cherry or three whole won't kill you, they can't be THAT toxic. It's not like you'll be gulping down liqueur by the bottle or anything, any potential "bad" stuff is going to be far less concentrated than the alcohol itself.

>>5905535
>>5917292

Oh yeah, another disaster I made was trying to extract the hotness of chili into alcohol. I imagined it'd be suitable for a shot to go with Sunday dinner or something.

I bought some Naga Jolokia chili when my local store happened to stock some, I used what I could for cooking and forgot about it, they were too over-ripe when I found them again, so drying them wasn't really an option. Rather than throw them away I decided to put them in a small amount of alcohol and simmer for a month or two.

Holy fuck was it bad, rather than cover the taste of cheap grain alcohol like you'd expect, the chili somehow emphasized it, the alcohol too somehow took all semblance of nuance out of the hotness and just made it searing and painful.
Like drinking turpentine with liquid fire - and not at all in a good way. On ice cream it was sort of passable but I still threw most of it away.

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>>5916657
>Decide to make them an entire meal
>It smells funny
>This is coming from the people that enjoy kraft singles and ketchup as regular ingredients

What the fuck, Anon.
I kinda had the same deal.
How can they not like legitimate food you took time and effort to learn how to cook?
Not even something like soup?
Not even alfredo pasta or something?

>>5917644

They did like the bean soup I made, but that was pretty close to what they were used to.

They did bitch that it had too much pepper. I'd put a quarter of the amount in that it was supposed to have and people who didn't like spicy foods didn't think that the normal amount I used was spicy at all. Only my family had a problem with it. The same people who order the "spicy" chicken at Popeyes. It was literally in their heads

>>5916657
You know you're in the shit when you're not referring to types of food, but brands. I have no idea how Kraft, Velveeta, and Cracker Barrel cheese tastes, but I'm assuming it's basically edible plastic.

Also, fuck your family for refusing to expand their horizon. This shit pisses me off so much.

I have tons of stories. My life is shit and it's all thanks to the fact that my mom, the breadwinner of the house, is terrible at managing money. I don't want to get into detail about it, so here are some stories.

>no food
>well, we have food, but nothing easy to cook and nothing that satisfies.
>thaw out my last rationed pound of ground beef
>what to do, what to do...
>hamburgers! Oh wait, no bread.
>tacos! No tortillas...
>meatloaf? No breadcrumbs or egg
>Salisbury steak? Kinda need the same things as you would for meatloaf...
>fuck it
>grill 4 hamburger patties
>attempt to make gravy out if the drippings
>fail and make a lumpy gravy that's half beef oil
>serve over rice
>I hate gravy but it's the only thing making the dry party worthwhile
>had the rest a couple days later
>hated it both times.

>be a few days later
>still not much food
>thaw out the last of these spicy hot links
>fry them in the pan
>cook some onions with it thinking they would pair up well
>make more rice
>make more gravy. Comes out better this time, but still lumpy unfortunately
>serve and eat
>holy fuck did I season the onions with sugar or something?
>onions caramelized and turned sweet
>totally threw off the savory, spicy taste of the dish
>fuck
>still hate gravy...

My mom does a shit job with groceries. It's a surprise that she has had five children and never picked up the skill.

Actually, the way she got groceries would fly when she only had the first two or three kids. Never really upscaled it, just attempted to make everything stretch longer.

But I could do more with her own budget than she does. That's what pisses me off. She doesn't like getting help or advice though... I need to move the fuck out...

>>5922180

I'm not that anon, but neither of those 3 products taste particularly bad. In fact, their taste is quite average, just painfully so.

>>5922203
Well, they're all processed cheese, it seems. I don't think I've ever seen anyone use that here in any other context than where you need a single slice to melt quickly, like on cheeseburgers.

>>5896919
Is Worcestershire good on anything? I don't understand it.

>>5923942
I use it mostly as an ingredient. It's pretty good for giving something a bit of a salty taste. It's reminiscent of Roman garum.

Honestly, I don't understand why people scoff at it. I'm convinced it's just underdeveloped taste. Sure, it says "sauce" on the bottle, but you're not supposed to slather your food in it.

>>5775232
this happened to me and im canadian.
>me and my brother get dominoes
>fifteen mins later he has fucking food poisoning
>im perfectly fine
shit like this happened to us all the fucking time
but ive never gotten sick from dominoes

>>It's not like you'll be gulping down liqueur by the bottle or anything,

Maybe YOU won't, but some of us have crippling depression

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>>5753075
Had a mediocre diner experience with a friend tonight
>feel like trying a small place since we always go for chains
>find a diner not too far away
>normal business hours are 7-2; Friday is 7-8
>we get there around 7 PM
>five other tables with patrons that beat our ages by at least 30 years
>order a BBQ steakburger with no pickles
>friend gets a roast beef club with no tomato
>food comes in and my burger has no tomato while his club has no pickles
>didn't mention it since the pickles were easily removable
>friend had a tougher time removing the tomato since the club was presented like a shish-kabob
>my burger itself was leaking with grease and sitting in a small pool of BBQ sauce and some of the grilled onions
>both tasted okay; mine was just a mess to eat

I can really only see myself going back for some pancakes on a friday night since their whole menu is available. During normal business hours, I have a different diner I can visit that is a pure 10/10.

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>>5761156

For whatever reason, I can't eat anything made with something that it's known as "chicharron" in my country (which is basically sun-dried, then deep-fried pork skin). It disgusts me a bit.

I don't have any kind of rivalry against garlic or onion, although most people I know dislike it for whatever reason (commonly the taste when they're raw).

As for the worst dish I've ever had, it was back when I was around 15...

>Event funded by Mormon community in my city, a friend invites me
>In some sort of event hall
>Somewhere around 6-7 PM so they began to serve dinner
>Dishes looked like someone literally threw grass in a blender and then hit Ice Crush and just served it over a not sufficiently cooked spaghetti, with a cherry tomato slice on the center
>Bland taste, but it's OK I guess...
>After a while, dessert
>"Well, maybe it can get better"
>It didn't.
>A small bowl of what looks like crap battered with peanuts and strawberries is placed in front of me
>Try it
>It tastes like milk that's been in the sun for over a week
>My stomach instantly goes apeshit
>Didn't even make it to the bathroom; puked about five feet away from my table

Nowadays I can eat both strawberries and peanuts like nothing happened, but rotten dairy (specially milk) makes me insanely nauseous.

>>5938728
I kek'd

Bamp

up we go, fucko

Sometimes, I burn the stuff I make, or slightly overcook it.

>making popcorn so I can have something to eat while watchin' tv
>stop to check my phone for a sec
>hear popping slow down ever so slightly
>oh shit
>run to microwave
>some of the kernels are burnt
>for the most part, they're alright
>"Anon, what the fuck, did you burn your popcorn again?"
>A little, but it's fine, mom.
>"Throw that shit out, make some new popcorn, and open a window, get this fucking burnt popcorn smell out."

later

>makin' pizza for /toonami gen/ watchin'
>go out the room, pizza's in the oven, on a timer
>head upstairs to watch a bit of the pre-toonami stream
>smell pizza as if it were cooked thoroughly
>eh, probably nothing
>head downstairs 5 minutes later
>check on pizza, it's a golden brown all over, and the crust is a bit tougher
>ah well, still tastes good.
>mom comes back from sister's
>"Anon, think you may've burnt your pizza, throw it out, we'll go grab something to eat"
>>i'm not going to throw out a pizza I made that's still perfectly fine
>Mom, it's not burnt
>"Yes it is"
>repeat, ad hominem
>"Alright, fine anon. If you get sick, that's on you."
>"And it IS burnt."
>>proceed to eat slightly overcooked pizza with hotsauce and red pepper
>6/10, crust too tough from overcooking.

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>>5956510
That's the opposite of me
>makin' pancakes or french toast
>be a good chef, watch the food
>slightest hint of a burning smell
>flip that shit
>yellow, too undercooked, or completely ruined by trying to flip it
>mfw

I've also accidentally made fried eggs from fucking up french toast batter, 2/10 wouldn't reccomend

>Buy a plate of chicken spaghetti cold from deli in the morning
>Find out it's literally incinerated on one side so it's like a pancake made of blackened pasta and cheese
>Taste it and it's actually pretty delicious.

>>5956510
if it's not on fire, it's not burnt.

>>5958383
Deli food is always a gamble. Same with gas station food.

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>be eurosnob
>watch murrican cooking channels and forums
>see weird ass measurements
>a "cup" of sugar
>a "stick" of butter
>a "teaspoon" of lemon juice
What the fuck am i looking at here? At least use the same measurements that you use for weight and volume.

>>5957035
>trying to make omelette
>still trying to get down what makes the eggs stick to my pan and what doesn't
>butter makes that shit stick, and turns it into scrambled eggs
>anything other than canola spray does this
>have now become mediocre /ck/ tier at omelettes
Feels pretty good, senpai.

>>5961097
Cups and Teaspoons are pretty much staples in kitchen measurements, englishman.

A "stick" of butter means the whole stick of butter. It's in no way healthy.

>>5963351
Make it on low heat, put a lid on it and let it cook.
Takes longer but it doesn't stick bad and the whole thing is evenly cooked. You can add a little water if you want to steam it under the lid but you can do it without.

>>5963382
Stick still imply there is a standard.
Here, you buy butter in a pack of 500 gram standard pack. There is 250 and 750g packs as well but you'll still find the exact amount of grams used in recipes anyway.

>>5963441
Senpai. A stick of butter is a stick of butter. It's a standard size

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>>5963441

>>5964372
>113g
That was all i wanted to know. Thanks friend.

gross

>>5967354
Bump

gross bump

Bump◇

>>5956510
>wasting entire bag over a few burnt kernals
most of the time it's just two or three that stink like hell

One time when I was making dinner I got a can of beans and decided for some reason to flip it and open the bottom. When I took off the bottom lid I found a carpet of mint colored mold all over the beans.

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>>5786642
>http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/
>http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/french/7.html
>Congo was a French colony
>French syndicates
... Do I have to chop a bitch's hand off?

>>5753075
We ordered online from Papa Johns, and somehow our order got tripped to replace all the tomato sauce with barbecue sauce. Nobody could eat more than a slice.
Complained, ordered again a month later, same fucking shit happens despite us checking. We had three whole pizzas go to waste because somebody fucked up.

Also, once my sister made a massive pot of potato soup... with no salt whatsoever. It tasted like iron and death.

>>5989450
Bumping the bump

>>5964351
Apparently it's 113g. Which I wouldn't call standard. It's one of those measurements that's only standard to the people who already know what it is, limited by geography and culture. Which is exactly what he meant.

A "stick" in Europe would be 250g. More than twice as much. Saying a "stick" of butter is about as clear as using some other geographically bound measurement.

>>5938270
>five other tables with patrons that beat our ages by at least 30 years

Been watching a lot of Kitchen Nightmares, and this is a sign of a bad kitchen.

Bump◇

●•°

°◇°

I live in a rural area, and right about the time I was getting out of high school my dad got a bull for free from somebody. It was never neutered, more importantly. We were keeping it on some land that we had that was mostly just pasture, but the neighbors had dairy cows and the bull kept breaking the fence to try to go fug them. After about the fourth time this happened he brought it to the butcher and had it made into meats. Since it was never neutered and basically just ate random vegetation the meat was incredibly tough and slightly gamey. Nobody actually wanted to eat it so every time I'd come home from college I'd grab some frozen beef and bring it back with me. My roommate and I would use it to make fajitas with, because when you made it spicy enough it didn't taste too off. It was incredibly tough and chewy no matter what we did though. We ate that entire bull's worth of meat by ourselves because we'd make it so hot the other two roommates couldn't eat it. So like a super hot and spicy strip of tire.

>>5753075
Ramen, bacon & cheese bratwursts, and cheese. No seasoning.
It wasn't good but it could have been worse.
Recently I cooked 2 burgers that ended being raw in the middle but decided to eat both of them anyways

>>6008965
Also one time at a Waffle House I ordered a peanut butter waffle and a triple covered, smothered, and chunked hash brown. On the way home my friend decided to take turns as quickly as possible.

>go to mazios
>order mushroom pizza
>the mushrooms were wet and sogged up the pizza like they went "oh shit we forgot the mushrooms" and just opened a can on the pizza

I didn't think it was possible to fuck up a pizza that bad.

■◆◇□

>>5766544
Holy shit, I got that force-fed to me by hungarian relatives when I was a little kid. While the grown-ups pretended to like the taste, I puked behind the house with tears coming from my eyes.

>>6009008
Can you repeat this in English, please?

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>>6017391
Got these on an order of hash browns that was three times the normal, in addition to a waffle covered in peanut butter.
On the way home my friend decided it would be funny to take really sharp turns

>order a roast beef sub from a Boar's Head deli at Harris Teeter because the commercials make them sound like hot shit and my brother raved over them
>sub tasted like a wet, soapy rag
>was literally the worst sub I had ever tasted in my life,
>first sub I've ever thrown away in life out of sheer disgust after 1 bite

>decided to not be so shit at food one day
>learned of the recipe for chicken adobo
>through some miracle, figure out a way to fuck it up twice by either burning it, undercooking it, or making it too greasy
>eat it anyway out of shame and discipline
>wasn't all that bad

On the flipside, redeemed myself by learning how to make Chinese food from scratch. Shit's incredible.

◇

>>6019814

So your food was a carryout order and it wound up turning into a giant pile of slop because of your buddy's driving?

Or do you mean you ate it at the restaurant and then you got sick from your friend's driving?

>>6035869
I ate it at the restaurant, was already sick, and my friend's driving made it infinitely worse

>>6027541

>Spend a buck on ramen noodles.
>Buy meat on clearance at supermarket, freeze until you want it.
>Buy veggies, garlic and onion on clearance at supermarket. Who care if they're not photo-perfect?
>Canned veggies if you can find a good price
>Dollar-store soy sauce and go ahead and pay 2 bucks for some oyster sauce, you won't use much of either one and they'll last a dozen full meals easy.
>Buy the cheapest dried ground ginger you can get. It's a buck and you won't use much at a time.
>Buy cheapest sesame oil you can get. It's not as cost-effective but a small bottle of 3 dollar oil will run a dozen meals easy and it keeps
>Cheap-ass cooking sherry
>Buy all ingredients except veggies, onion and garlic a little at a time as you find a good price for them
>Cook a few packs of cheap-ass noodles, set aside
>sautee garlic and chopped onion in veggie oil, add sliced meat, cook until done, set aside
>Add veggies to hot skillet, along with soy, oyster sauce, cheapass wine or sherry, ginger, garlic and whatever else you feel like, cook to desired degree of doneness. Whatever makes you feel good, this isn't an exact science
>toss in meat and noodles, add a spoonful of sesame oil and toss until everything's acquainted.
>Call your sponging roommates for a plate.
>Shit went better than expected.

Et voila! You've cooked cheapass lo mein!

>>6036019

Oh, okay. that makes sense.

>>5764380
Bacteria can't survive in freezing temperatures. And like he said you microwave an already precooked meal so they were more than likely already killed. What a load.

>>5753075
bump

>>6043256
Bump

>>5764380

If the Hot Pocket got too hot while being transported to the store, or AT the store, bacteria might have proliferated long enough to generate enough chemical poisons to make someone ill even if it was refrozen. Even if the bacteria themselves are killed by heat/cold/radiation, the chemical waste products they generate can still be present in enough quantity to cause food poisoning symptoms. Heating doesn't inactivate the chemical toxins--you've got to literally carbonize the food to get rid of them.

Eating thawed and refrozen food is always a crapshoot.

Bumping,

>>6046708
>>6049111
>>6051696
At least bump with content
A lot of the time I'll ketchup on eggs, and everyone gives me shit for it. Does that count

>be 10 or 12
>a little extravagant with the food
>Go to a party in my school
>A classroom activity
>There is some candys and food
>Grab a cup of ice cream
>Pour some soda in it
>Some chocolate chips and jelly beans
>Some bubble gum and other candys
>Mix it all with a plastic spoon
>Drank it all
>Tasted like shit

I'm still surprised that i didn't puke. Another one

>Mom buy "panderitos"
>They are like cookies but more soft and melt in the mouth
>Grab 4 of them
>Mix it in a glass of water
>I added some powdered chocolate
>Drink it all

I didn't puke but that tasted like shit.

In 4th-5th grade a bunch of dumbass kids would put everything on their tray onto their foods. One kid would always finish off with a tiny piece of napkin like it was impressive. They called themselves Death Eaters. Same kid would also put a ton of BBQ sauce on a sandwich bun and lick it off before eating the sandwich, which was arguably worse than what he was doing before

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>>6054670

>A lot of the time I'll ketchup on eggs, and everyone gives me shit for it. Does that count

I used to eat ketchup and scrambled eggs. Dunno why, it's tasted like crap from age 10 onward. But I did.

Roomie puts ranch dressing on everything, even ice cream. I have no idea why either.

I just ate Wal Mart clearance chicken parm, fire-roasted corn and some spinach salad-thing I got from Brookshires grocery store for a buck. With a bottle of cheap bourbon I added to a bottle of sparkling water. going to chase it with a water glass of port.

The meal tasted like tears and victory. Perhaps it will kill me. Time will tell.

◇

This happened a few days ago.
>in kitchen, hungry and looking for something to eat before classes start
>haven't gone food shopping in a while, trying to manage my budget while giving the finger to Maslow
>maybe I can make toast
>look at pantry
>peanut butter
>tortillas
>fun sized m&m's packet
>i'm going to starve later today if I don't eat something
>make a burrito out of all 3
>30 seconds in microwave
>it tastes like poverty and too much peanut butter
>did not starve that day

I also sometimes eat cherry pie filling right out of the can and sneak Coke syrup from my job and sip on that sometimes.

>>6061833
>coke syrup

I puked a little just thinking about it.

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>Find limburger cheese on sale at store
>Bring home and try a piece
>Opening the wrapper fills the air with the overpowing aroma of overflowing diaper.
>Stick in plastic bag and put in fridge until you feel braver
>Later, slice some off and put on buttered rye bread
>Make grilled cheese with limburger cheese
>Serve with sliced red onions, spicy-ass mustard and a Guiness you have in the back of the refrigerator
>MFW it was motherfucking delicious

started making cookies
something went wrong

>comes out a muddy mess of goop
>tastes like sand
>no trace of sugar i put in
>no wait it's all caramelized at the bottom and ruined my tray

looks good

boop

>>5753075

fucking hell reading this thread makes me so glad I grew up in my italian hungarian family where everyone knows how to make a good meal. every sunday we had a family meal and looking back on it, it was always poor people food but fuck it was good.

our food was always either greasy, fatty, buttery, or covered in garlic and i fucking love it. none of my friends can understand how i can literally cover my pizza in a coating of garlic.