Welcome to Pets of Furries general (or /PoFg/ #28) Lurk at y

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https://pastebin.com/u/AnonAuthor
>Breakfast With Rox
>History of the World
>What a Bitch
>Old Pet
>Unwanted Pet
>Doing Her Part
>Medieval Anon
>Anonymous - The Super Hero Human

Posting this from the previous thread by another Anon with his /pofg/ content.

Also, we need a way to store the old stories from OP if new stories comes like this.

--Continuing from the last thread--
https://pastebin.com/73kXnvVS

>You go on to explain then morning you have been having and even learned that the 2 raccoons you saw earlier were her younger sister and her mother.
>Apparently their human, Emily, was let out by their mother's now ex boyfriend cause he doesn't like humans
>You also learn quite a bit about this new world you are in...
>Furs and scalies dominate the world much like humans did back in yours
>Humans are considered animals and are treated like pets here
>Which means you dont have to find a job
>One worry out of the way
>You also learn that Sarah's roommate,Fionna, got off of a 12 hour shift at a restaurant owned by Sarah's mother
>And is headed here
>She also just got out of a relationship and tried to use working a lot to distract her from it
>Feels kinda bad man
>You got...i wouldn't call her a friend just yet more like an ally until you can find a way back home if there is a way
>You check your watch 0800
>She looks at it to
S: Is that right?
A: I hope so
>She then get up and heads to the kitchen and checks her phone which has the same time
S: Fionna should be getting in in a bit...
A: Ok... should i be leaving or...
S: Nah...just stay here. Wouldn't want you running the streets with out a collar
A: Yea no...not wearing a collar
>She looks at you sternly
S:...
A: What?
S: I have an idea that might work?
A: Care to explain?
S: Since Fionna is going through a breakup and instead of her working herself to death...
>She heads back to her room then returns with one of those health magazines you see at a dentist office
S: I read that getting a human is good for getting over it
>You look at her with a 'really nigga' face
S: Don't give me that look its should be fine, we have been talking about getting human for a while...though one not so...big
A: You were gonna get a child?
S: Yea and we were gonna try to house train him

>>11403589
>You facepalm as she looks at you with a bit of concerne
S: You are house-
A: I can use a toilet, yes
S: Ok just checking...Oh i almost forgot about breakfeast
>She leans into the living room with a hissing noise
S: Hsss...yeeah we don't really have any human kibble to give you-
A: I can eat normal food, what do you have?
S: Uhh...let me check...
>She ducks back into the kitchen and makes you a bowl of cereal
>Frosted Flakes...better than that clinic's place
>She sets her bowl on the table and is about to set your bowl on the floor
A: I can eat from the table by the way
S: Oh...Ok
>She then sets your bowl on the table as you take a seat
>She takes s bite and then looks at you
S: Gonna eat or...
A: No spoon
S: OH.. my bad
>She gets up and gets a spoon from a counter drawer
and hands it to you
S: Look at you, human using a spoon
A: Am i really that different from humans on this world?
S: Very different...
>She says placing a hand over her mouth to be polite
S: Take Emily for example, can't talk, can't read, sure as hell can't get hit by a truck or a skillet and walk away like nothing happened

>>11403627
>You chuckle at that as you begin to eat your cereal
>Good and slightly healthy m8
S: What's up with that anyway?
A: The whole truck thing?
S: And the super speed thing...what were they experimenting with humans in that clinic or something?
A: Don't really know about that all i know is i was about to be put under by the bear and next thing you know im throwing him around like a ragdoll
S: Damn...Pretty cool to hear
>You take another bite
S: Ok so where are you from, what is your world like?
A: The exact opposite of this one
S: So Humans are dominant and sentient while Furs and Scalies are just pets as well?
>You swallow your cereal
A: More or less
>You take another bite
S: So what did you do back in your world?
> You swallow and clear your throat
A: I recently got out of the military... and i was gonna go to college
S: What did you do in the military
A: Security Forces...
S: So military police
>You shrug
A: Eh you could call it that, though some people get really anal about the differences
>She nods her head in response then the lock on the door starts to turn and open
> You both look up then she gets up
S: Fionna's hear...I wanna surprise her so no talking yet and just finish up
>She goes to the door and greets her roomate
A: Ok then
>You continue eating and take some glances at the two

>>11403589
>>11403627
>>11403642
And that's all i have for now I'll continue later tonight

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>>11403712
Pretty good keep it up.........just don't do anything spergish I still have my eye on you.

>>11403831
I'll keep that in mind

>>11403642
>Be Fionna
>Headed home early because your roommate really wants you to see something
>Hopefully She does give her mother a very good excuse for why i left early
>You sigh as you realize you haven't had coffee yet and is started to feel a little agitated
>Thankfully you live a few blocks away and arrive home in no time
>You walk up to the door and pull the keys from your pocket and unlock it and head inside
>Surprisingly Sarah, the roommate, greets you at the door
>Well somewhat she is standing in the doorway to the kitchen
>You close the door behind you as you set your keys on the counter beside the door
F: Okay Sarah what is so important that i have to leave work early
S: Well i know you have been going through a breakup right now-
F: Im leaving
>You turn and reach for the door but Sarah stops you
F: If this is a blind date you are trying to set me up on-
S: No No No this is totally different..
F: What is it?
S: You know i've been reading some health magazines and looking for some good places to go shopping, checking what's on sale-
F: Yea yea Get to the point
>You say as you face paw be visibly annoyed
S: Right,so I read that a good way to get over a break up is to adopt a human to fill that missing void in your heart...sooo...
>You begin to smile in disbelief
F: You didn't...
>Sarah nods her head with a grin on her face
F: Well where is it?
S: Ok just so you know he isn't as small as we talked about...
>You smile as she moves out of the way to reveal someone sitting at the table
F: Who is that?
>Sarah smiles as she introduces him
S: Fionna meet Anon

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>>11402728
Can someone paste that anon type about his lore? You know the one that has to do with males being degenerates and god punish them or something? That lore was quite interesting

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>>11404814
--Pic related to this part--
Be Anon
>Cereal was good m8
>You'd ask for more once introductions were made
>You listen to the conversation they were having
>Something about shopping and filling the void in her heart or something
F: Who is that?
S: Fionna meet Anon
>You turn in your seat and wave at Fionna
>She waves back with one of those forced smiles and pulls the Raccoon aside
>You can tell she didn't like the idea of a fully grown human in their house
>Probably something about wanting to see him grow before their eyes
>You don't know, but all you care about at the moment s not getting thrown out
S: He seems good doesn't he?
F: Why is he sitting at the table? Was he already trained to do that?
>You snicker as you realize you are gonna blow her mind in a bit
>They continue talking
S: Trust me you are gonna like him
F: How do you know that?
S: Because he can-
>You decide to chime in before the spotlight is taken from you
A: He can hear and understand every word you are saying.
>They both look back at you
>You are feeling a bit smug at this point so you decide to milk it just enough with a wink
>The vixen's jar is dropped in disbelieve
>The raccoon has a shit eating grin on her face while looking at her

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>>11402728
>Be me
>Watching my human in human school
>Realizing I want to fug my pet
Have you ever wanted to marry a human, /skn/

>>11405396
We need more /skn/ greens. They're fun to read

>>11405377
I'll leave it at this for the night I'll write more in the morning

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>>11402728
>Can I have a human, mommy? I promise he won't wrestle you!

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>>11405544
You did great!

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>>11402728
>brought my pet to a picnic
>decided to play fetch
>Throws a bone
>Human follows the bone
>Quickly left the picnic area before he even comes back

>>11402934
Thanks for posting this, anon, I was at work and didn't realize a new thread had been made.

For those interested, Chapters two and three of Medieval Anon should be up within a day or so! I've just got to read them over and touch up any mistakes or errors or whatever else I notice that needs fixing, first!

>>11405750
Rude

>>11402728
Is "To Tame a Human" 's author still writing it?

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>>11407631
hopefully.

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>>11405396
The fuck is that thing suppose to be a worm?

Hey guys, sorry for disappearing for this long, Skreetz The Rat here unfortunately I haven't been able to get in "the zone" to write anything, but the good news is, liss was. so kudos to her, here it goes

Lizzie Origins
Chapter 7 : The one where I met Hilda

>I was quickly looking trough a backpack, while holding wallet with my mouth, trying to figure out where is the beeping coming from. To be fair I knew the source – someone was calling – but where did it disappear was a mystery for me. How is it even possible for it to dive in so quickly? The backpack wasn't even that big. As I was walking towards bus station a cold wind leaned onto me, making me almost fall over. As if that wasn’t enough, passing by car splashed me with ice cold water, wetting both of my legs and part of the coat. Awesome.
> Finally, I’ve managed to grab it and answer the call.
> “I hate winter!” I’ve announced immediately, instead of greeting and the other side answered with giggling. I felt like it was a bit too early for her to be already tipsy, but then again, she is an adult and can do whatever.
> “Tell that to the girl who tried to talk me into sleepover in igloo.” Sister reminded me playfully, warm in her voice. “Why are you outside anyway, its way pass your curfew?”
> “What are you talking about, it’s like four?” I’ve grinned. She didn’t agree with the igloo sleepover and to be honest, neither did my parents. I wouldn’t talk to them for days when that happened. Good old days. I didn't think she was calling just to check up on me.
> “Oh. Right. Time-zones.” Jessica quieted for a moment, which allowed me to jump into closest bus heading to work.
cont

>>11408457
> It’s been awhile since the stabbing incident. My hand healed perfectly, even though the scar lasts, and I could return into school and later on also to work. It went surprisingly smoothly, considering I was dealing with Junior. I think he may felt a little bit pity towards me, so came easy about the work I’ve missed. He even wished me luck, when I called him that I can’t go back right away, because it hurts. My life got back on track. Meanwhile Jessica’s travels just blow up and she was away all the time, which meant I was hanging out with Sammy a lot more. Which was absolutely fine with me, I grew fond of her a lot since the last babysitting.
> “Why am I calling?” Jessica asked as if I would know. The she snapped her fingers loudly, which is annoying thing we both share, when we need to get back on track with our thoughts. “Oh... yeah! I know. Christmas!”
> That didn’t ring any bells either. ”Okay?”
> “No, you don’t understand! We’re throwing Christmas dinner this year.” Jessica sounded way too excited. I could hear more fingers snapping.
> “Who - ‘we’?” I’ve asked suspiciously, anticipating the worst.
>”You and me! And Sammy, of course. How is my baby doing, by the way? Can you give me her on the phone?” Jess immediately went full into crazy human-lady mode, which made me smile.
> “No, I am outside. What do you mean, ‘you and me’? We are not having family dinner this year?”
> Normally, we would throw Christmas dinner with family in my parent’s house – all of us, except Max and Sammy – in tiny cabin in the countryside they moved into once I went to university. It was small place, I get that, but it was traditional to see each other, so it confused me.
> “Liz, maybe jump a little. It seems like you are standing on your conduction.”
> “What?” now I was confused for good. What had conduction to do with any of it?
cont.

>>11408463
> “You never heard that? Folks around here say it a lot. It means that you are a bit slow.”
> “So basically that I am stupid?”
> “I haven’t said that, you did. Anyway,” Jessica must’ve spotted the annoyance in my voice, so she didn’t even let me answer. “As I was saying, we’re throwing the dinner this year. Mom thinks it’s great idea, since their house is basically the smallest in the family,” once again, she didn’t let me interrupt her. “And it’s clever too, you wouldn’t have to pay for a ticket, I wouldn’t have to call human-hotel to watch over Sammy over the holidays, which we all knows she hates, Max won’t have to go to miss Harsh...”
> “Her name is miss Hart,” I corrected.
> “Whatever, it’s the perfect plan. Everybody’s down... well, except Beth, she doesn’t know yet. But I am sure she will agree. Which brings me to this little task I have for you. Do you think you could...?”
> “No! I couldn’t” I said dryly, while I was finally leaving the bus. I wasn’t late for my work, like usually, however that didn’t change fact that the traffic in winter was just terrible. Journey which would take fifteen minutes top was at twenty five now. “I don’t want to talk with Beth...”
> “Oh come on now,” I could hear her sigh. “I am in foreign country, remember? Can’t just grab my phone and call her myself.”
> “But you are talking to me on phone right now!” I raised my voice maybe a bit too much, since bunch of people looked at me with perplexed expressions.
> “Touché, sis. But you will eventually have to talk to her anyway. And the longer you put it aside the harder will it be. I sincerely don’t understand why you guys don’t talk to each other in a first place. So you are whiny brat and she is overprotective hen, who cares? I love you both anyway.”
> “Thanks, Jess...”I muttered.
> “You are welcome. So will you do it?”
cont.

>>11408470
> I've sighed loudly. Will I do it? So far it didn't seem like I had any choice anyway. I wasn't overly excited about actively participating in anything Jess was planning but even lazy old me had to agree it was the best solution for everybody.
> "Yeah," I said finally without any trace of happiness in my voice. "I will call her when I get out of work - well, thinking about it, maybe rather tomorrow.."
> "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the best younger sister I have." I could hear little giggles again.
> "It's not like you have any other younger sisters, right?" I have allowed myself to laugh to little. Overworked or not, I always liked Jessica the most. She was such a goofy meatball. "I have to go now. Call you later?"
***(tady jsem Szkončil)
> With fingers still cold from the outside, I managed to change into uniform and sneak out to the coffee shop. It was nearly a afternoon, but the winter already managed to steal all the light from the day and stars were peeking through big violet puffy clouds. The coffee shop was filled with mild yellow light of the chandelier accompanied with dozens of candles perching on every single table. I was sure whose idea was it to light candles, and I liked them, they were nicely adding to the romantic atmosphere of dusky shop, however I feel the need to disagree with the choice of them tangibly to the fact that all of them were aromatic. If they at least had the same aroma, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, though the air filled with all the scents felt heavy and pungent, but oh no, they didn't. Mixture of various Christmas scent such as cinnamon, pine, yarrow, mulled wine and something called "the yule-tide" whatever the hell that suppose to smell like, was unpleasantly pinching the top of one nose and eat into one's fur.
cont.

>>11408477
motherfuckin editing parts... should've kept my eyes on them.

Anyway continuing

> I went over to the counter to take over the shift. My usual colleague, Theresa, the one who I am pretty sure came up with the candle-pocalyps, was taking the day off, so it was Juniors angry eyebrows that greeted me. He muttered something, presumably a greetings, and left surprisingly quickly considering he looked like well-fed truck. I could related to his sudden wave of athletism. Work over the counter is tough if you are not used to it.
> Rhino's quick backup almost didn't show up on the line, even though said line was getting bigger. With the fear and loathing outside, that was understandable - who would want stay there in the cold if he could go in a coffee shop and warm up a little. Even though said coffee shop was kind of smelly today.
Customers seemed impatient and I didn't have any reason not to quickly serve them. Around Christmas we always get crowded with people with ridiculous taste preferences, such us coffee with eggnog in it, who want special season decorating and other bullshit.
> Our special this year was a gingerbread coffee, which for some reason attracted people ordering stuff like: "one gingerbread latte with extra foam, no cream, no suger and no gingerbread dusting on the top. And make it Vegan." I mean hell, if you need and entire paragraph just to order goddamned coffee, maybe there is something wrong with you and you should seek help. During the short pause between another wave of thirsty citizens, I've managed to made myself extra large black coffee and was sipping on it, while meanwhile serving. The job was going suspiciously smooth today and that was never a good sign.
> Then she came in.

>>11408485
> I could tell there is going to be some kind of trouble right the second I spotted my eyes on her - slightly-built lizard with grassy diamond scales, covered in giant and luxurious coat from world famous designer, which could probably build the whole coffee shop with and just as expensive shoes. Sammy had nothing on that lanky lizard lady in the matter of ridiculously expensive pieces of clothing. The woman took her coat off, which allowed me to see that few of her scales on chest were painted gold to the shape of butterfly. For a second I wondered if that's an actual gold and if so, why did she pick such a shitty pattern? Don't get me wrong, I like tattoos. And butterflies. But having tattooed it onto your chest? That's basically like holding "I am an asshole" sign.
> I hoped I was wrong with that assumption, but you could've have guessed it, my intuition was right. The lizard lady give us all lazy gaze and went straight up to the counter, cutting the whole line.
> Few people angrily muttered something, but she just bossily said: "I am in hurry" and that was that. Nobody objected afterwards.
> As she was dealing with the pissed of customers, I could hear that the doors shut again and equally green and equally expensive clothed lizard entered the shop. He stack in the back, though I could clearly see him gazing upon us curiously.
> I've swallowed quietly, putting myself together and looked at the lizard lady with big fake smile: "How can I help you?"
> Apparently I wasn't even worth of direct eye-contact. The lizard lady started looking through her purse - obviously also luxurious - saying: "I would like one gingerbread latte without the cream," so far, so good "and with extra foam, with human milk."
> I could feel hair on back of my neck straightening. Using human milk in food industry wasn't illegal, per say, but it sloped to pretty medieval techniques. It might've been the most regulated area of human treatment.
cont.

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>>11405396
>human school

wtf since when pets have school

>>11408492
> The problem with humans was that they produced milk only after birth and not very long for. That being said the common practice just a few years ago was to impregnate the human woman, so she would produce the milk, but take the kid away from her so the milk won't get "wasted". More than often said babies got killed. It was nasty procedure, which makes a lot of us cringe even now, when better law enforcement took place. Nowadays is the whole process more natural and less painful for the human, no babies taken away, which also means more expensive. Human milk very rare and very luxurious item.
> Something we definitively didn't have. The old man wouldn't allow it for moral reasons and Junior, who was always cheap, for economical ones. Either way, there was none of it in our coffee shop.
> "I am very sorry," I had to suppress the sudden way of grossness taking over me, which made my fake smile lost some of its shine. "but we don't serve human milk in here."
> "Just go check the storage. The price is not a problem for me," she said dryly, giving emphasis on the word me, giving me stern look.
> "I am sorry, ma'm, but we DON'T serve it in here," I repeated, this time a little louder.
> If she had warm blood I could swear her face would be burning with red right now. Her eyes sure did, hidden below angry eyebrows linked in one line.
> I don't get what is so hard to understand on the fact that we have certain rule about something. Are people just that dumb, or is it on me? The guy with knife a while ago also didn't get what I was saying to him, but to be fair, that one was completely wasted, which is of course no excuse, but at least an explanation. Lizard lady was angry, true, but definitely sober. She straightened the few spare centimetres her spine allowed her and coughed to clear her throat, when the fancy lizard guy came closer. He looked concerned.
cont.

>>11408499
> Cool, there is now two of them, I thought.
> There was pretty much only rule in this work - never talk about the coffee shop. No, but seriously, that was maybe make more sense than the actual rule - the customer is always right. Rule made by someone who definitely never worked at the retail.
> She gritted her teeth, piercing me with her gaze: "I want to talk to your man-"
> I was thinking how I'll be explaining this feud to Junior, when a deep warm voice interrupted the lizard lady. The fancy guy patted her back: "Hilda, that's enough, you are embarrassing yourself. leave the poor barista alone - she already told you they don't serve. Besides-" he gazed above his shoulder "You've jumped the queue, the others are waiting because of you."
> She showed sharp content of her mouth in sharp smile. "Stop schooling me, I am not a kid anymore, wiseass."
>"Then stop acting like one," he frowned.
> "Oh fucking whatever. This place sucks balls anyway. I am out." she said, absolutely proving his point and with a dramatic whip of hair left the shop. I was looking at her back a little bit too long, still shook from what just happened. Why I always get the freaks?
> "What a bitch," high pitched voice of another customer, mud-coloured squirrel interrupted my thoughts. I wasn't allowed to cuss at the customers directly so I just murmured something incoherent and went back to my work. While I was foaming the milk for squirrel's latte, I've noticed that the guy didn't left, even though he shifted himself to the back. He was standing next to the cake show-case, mahogany eyes fixated on me. When he saw I noticed him, he nervously lowered them.
> Okay, what the hell.
> He waited till everybody get their drink and went back to the counter, smiling. For a lizard he was a tall guy with long lanky limbs with funny swanky kind of walk.
cont.

>>11408501
> "I am sorry about what happened," he said, his voice like a melted caramel. "She is not usually like that. Which is obviously no excuse for her behaviour, I just..." he sighed and smiled a little bit sadder. "I am sorry. Really."
> "You don't have to apologize in behalf of your girlfriend," I heard myself saying starkly, which surprised me. I didn't even know how bitchy her mean behaviour left me.
> He looked surprised, staring directly into my eyes, as if he was questioning what that was supposed to mean. I suddenly felt sorry for him - maybe it was the "human eyes" he was giving me now, maybe I am just too sensitive. Either way, I've shrugged: "Seriously, it's no big deal. I am used to it."
> "That doesn't sound good either," he said, laughing quietly. It felt nice.
> "The life we live in." I've said reconciling.
> "I should buy you drink or something," he stated, looking for a wallet. I've noticed he was wearing something which looked like really old of working pants, with dozen of differently slashed pockets, and half-decomposed snickers. His long black coat was for sure handmade, but the rest of his outfit pose for some solid years of functioning. For some reason, that made me feel sympathetic for him.
> "I actually already have drink," I said, lifting my mug awkwardly.
> He smiled and his eyes glowed with amusement: "I see. Well if you already have one, there is no reason for me to buy you another - too much caffeine can be dangerous for one's health." if I said it, I would sound like a turd, but he was talking so casually I kept staring at him. "You know what else is bad for one's health? Hunger. Yeah," he agreed with himself and mischievous smile lighted up his face: "As a gentleman, it's my duty to solve that problem for you. Would you be so kind and allow me to buy you a dinner?"
cont.

>>11408506
> Shocked expression appeared on my face. A dinner - A DINNER? What? So he wants to buy me drink because his girlfriend was mean to me and then, when I say no, asks me out for dinner? I frowned again, feeling anger building in my chest. He must've noticed, because he looked confused again.
"No thank you." I said coldly.
> "But... but why not?" he raised his eyebrows. As I could tell, he wasn't used to hear no very often. Good, I felt with a little satisfaction.
> "I don't need anyone's pity," I said as calmly as I could, looking into that warm pool of gold in his eyes again. "Least of all someone's whose girlfriend just insulted me. No," I continued without letting him said anything, even though he breathed in to talk. "I didn't take offense. And I am also not interested in some guilt-tripped favour. Buy a coffee or not, but that's as much as we two will have common."
> For a second he started at me with disbelief, before his face filled amused smile: "Is that so?"
> I've frowned.
> "That's too bad," he continued. "I thought I can guilt-trip you into going out with me. Guess I will have to stay with my sister again then."
> A had no idea what was he talking about. "Sister?"
> "Hilda is not my girlfriend - can you even imagine?" he shuddered. "She is my younger sister. And I wasn't lying when I said I am sorry for what she did. That was not the reason why I asked, though."
> I could feel red running through my veins, spilling over my face.
> "I think you are cute. That why I asked you out. But if your answer is still no, I guess I will just have one large cappuccino and leave. " he shrugged.
> I felt really uncomfortable, so I decided to take his order first. With maximal effort I've take out the paper cup and went to warm up some more milk. While doing that, I was thinking. Sure, he looked pretty solid and he sure seemed like a perfect gentleman, yet, that is not really my style. And he was way out of my league too.
cont.

>>11408512
> "One large cappuccino," I said, handing him a drink. Then I added, less sure: "I... I finish at eight. "
> "Good," he smiled contentedly. "I will see you at eight, then. See you..."
> "Lizzie," I've filled blank.
> "Nice name. I am George," he gave me one more happy smile before he left to the dark.

***
Normally, Junior would leave way earlier than me and I would be the one closing, but after the stabbing incident, he always stayed till the end of our shift and close the shop himself. I don't think any of us thought he would do better in said situation, but I think he felt bad for what happened to me. It allowed me to just grab my stuff and leave, once the clocks hit eight.
> Skies were dark and I went out, it white snowflakes started pouring. I've allowed myself to just stay and look at the snowy landscape, when a giant silver meowcedes stopped next to me. George apparently went home and changed, because when he came out his working pants were replaced with light blue jeans and he was wearing brown leather jacket. He looked way too happy to see me, which made me smile a little bit. I felt a bit self-conscious since I was still wearing the same clothes from the evening and I smelled like a candle-store. He didn't seem to mind, when he opened doors from me.
> I sit down in his car. It was clearly new, everything clean and neat, just the compartment was completely filled with CDs. I didn't know any of the bands, except for maybe two of them, but I was familiar with them being pretty obscure punk rock. Nice. I've putted the seatbelt on.
> "Where would you like to go?" he asked excitedly, once we both were sitting down.
> That confused me a little bit: "I thought you had a plan?"
> "I did - I mean, I do. I just wanted to ask if you have any preference first."
> That was really sweet of him, so I smiled a little: "I actually may have. Did you ever hear about Mushi Mushi?"
cont.

>>11408517
> "That Chinese restaurant? Sure," he smiled warmly. "It's actually one of my favourite places. Good taste you have going on in there."
> I could feel blush spreading across my cheeks again. George laughed and started the car. We were both quiet for some time, going to the restaurant, when he suddenly said: "Aren't you afraid?"
> "Of what?" I asked, worried a little bit.
> "That I am a serial murder, for example," he gave me short gaze, before turning his attention back to the road.
> I could feel shiver in my bones when he said it. Yet I decided for the only one right answer to that question. I've looked at him and with straight face said: "No - what is the chance we're both serial killers?"
> George laughed heartily .
> The evening went nice. George was a total sweetheart the whole time and after few more minutes I've finally relaxed a bit and started enjoying myself. It turned out we don't only like the same restaurant, we also have the same favourite food (tender noodles soup). I've learned that George is majoring at the same university as I am, as a engineer. He was at his final year. Since he had finger in every pie, he was also football captain. I didn't have much interesting things to say about myself, so I was mostly talking about my studies and work at coffee shop, but he seemed genuinely interested and kept asking about it.
> It was way past midnight, when he finally driven me home.
> "That was really nice," I said when George's car stopped before Jessica's house and smiled at him. We were both tired, so we just lazily sat down at car and talked for at least another half an hour, before I finally said I should go home. He seemed disappointed, but resigned.
> "It was," he agreed with me and caress my cheek, looking into my eyes. "I would like to repeat it soon."
> "Me too."
> We exchanged numbers and George promised he would call me.

>>11408521
> I didn't kiss him and he didn't try to kiss me either. Instead of that he gave me big warm smile and said that next time we should go ice-skating. As he revealed earlier, he loved winter and everything connected with it.
> "I don't have skates though," I said, stepping outside.
> "I will hunt up some for you," he promised and the phrasing made me laugh.
> "Good night, George." I said. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye, but we had to.
> "Good night, Lizzie."
***
> The house was dark and quiet, but since it was late in night I wasn't surprised. Sammy wasn't the smartest human ever but she was pretty good with managing herself, including turning the lights off when she's going to sleep. Yet it was interesting that my arrival didn't wake her up - she is light sleeper and never left opportunity to greet someone. On the other hand, it was pretty late and if she would wait for me to come home, she might've get tired.
> I've dropped my bag onto sofa and noticed that the kitchen has lights on. Well, I said, managing herself, not managing everything. With a tender smile and went in to turn the lights off.
> The view took my breath away.
> Sammy was sitting on the ground with a head leaning back to the counter. Her eyes were shut and I could clearly see drops of sweat on her skin. She was really red and kinda puffy, which immediately warned me that there is something wrong. I've kneeled to see if she is okay.
> She wasn't.
> The poor human was holding a jar of something in her left hand. She must've got hungry and decided to grab a snack. I've sniffed to the jar and found out that it's peanut butter. I have knew shit is down once I've noticed the hives on both her hands and neck. She was breathing and I could feel her heart beating, but it both didn't sound nearly healthy.
> Fuck.
cont.

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>>11408526
> I've stand up and run upstairs to grab a first-aid kit, simultaneously calling the vet. We had few antihistamines in this house, since Jess was suffering from hay fever since she was a little kid, but nothing that would be very useful to fight against anaphylactic shock. Sammy needed to be taken to human hospital - promptly.
> The vet was obviously already sleeping, but when he heard what happened, he told me to drive to his office immediately and approving my decision force in antihistamines.
> The only problem was how. I didn't have a car - neither enough money to call taxi. Luckily I had an idea.

> "Hey, it's me, Lizzie," my hands brushed across the keypad on my phone when I re-entered the kitchen. "I need your help..."

End of chapter

Holy fuck Now lets get real guys, I've fucked up editing this one's too. If i can't edit someone else' story, how the fuck am I supposed to make my story look good?
So I apologize to you guys, and to Liss too, mostly for this work and for the fact that I will not post anything unless I can do better.

Tl:dr: Beatings will improve until writing improves.

Pastebin update in a moment.

>>11405377
Lovin' it

>>11408541
Wow, you again!

>>11405377
great work, can't wait for moar

>>11405377
>Be Anon feeling a little smug right now
>And looking at Fionna
>You can tell she is trying to not freak out
>Sarah is trying to keep Fionna calm
Fionna: Ok...I get it, 12 hour shift and since I'm tired and hadn't had my coffee I'm hallucinating. Got to be it.
Sarah: Nope you heard him talk
F: Okay...
>Fionna then heads to the living room and sits on the couch
>Sarah then turns to you and motions you to follow
>You get up and push your chair up then go stand in the doorway to the living room
>The Raccoon sits next to the Vixen
F: This is a dream...This has to be...
S: Well if it is then...it's pretty cool to have a talking human
F: This is serious we can't keep him
>You are a little hurt by that
A: Why not?
F: Well....cause...what if your owners are looking for you?
A: I have no "Owners"...unless you count the time i spent in the military
>You say as you gently scratch your chin in thought
F: Wait...wait you were in the military?
A: Eyup
F: So you are an experiment that got loose or something?
A: I don't know what the government does in this world but in mine, that doesn't happen
>You then take a seat in the seat by the door way
A: Animal right's activists would be on their asses for that one
S: I'm gonna go make you some coffee
>Sarah then gets up and heads for the kitchen stopping at the doorway for a second
S: Anon, you want anyhing
A:Uhh...Im good thanks though
S: Ok
>She continues to the kitchen and turns on the coffee maker

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>>11408541
Fucking amazing dude, thank you!
Also, I hope life it's not giving you so much problems (and to your famous van)

>>11411144
>she did not faint

Fuck

>>11411144
>You and Fionna sit in the living room in silence for a few seconds before she turns on the news
>'Stray Human Hit By A Truck and Surprisingly Walks It Off'
>These headlines man...
>They are playing the same broadcast but this time they are showing the footage of you getting hit by the truck from a traffic light's perspective
>You look at her as she winces
F: I hope that human is ok...or if it was quick
>As she says this the video shows you getting up and looking at the truck and then yourself then you run out of the frame
F: What tha...?
A: Yea that was a weird encounter...hope the driver is alright
>Fionna then looks at you as you say this
F: That was you?
>You nod your head then show her your slightly ripped shirt and pants
F: How did you live through that?
>You shrug
A: Beats the hell outta me, man
>Fionna then leans forward and rubs her face and groans as Sarah returns with 2 cups of coffee
S: Here you go...
>She hands her a cup then sits next to her
F: Thanks...
>Fionna takes a sip then sets it on the small table in front of her
F: So you got hit by a truck and you walk away with out a scratch?
A: Seems like it...though i wouldn't say that about my shirt
S: Ooh Anon... Tell her what you told me...
A: Which part?
S: All of it... start from the beginning
>You retell the story again this time you start with the night on the town you had the night before as well as including the tunnel part

>>11411242
>Sarah is still fascinated with it
>Fionna looks at you in disbelieve
A: And now here we are...
S: You didn't tell me about the night before
A: You didn't ask about that part
F: Okay...so you are from a different world and you just woke up here
A: Eyup
>Fionna then rubs her temples in confusion as her pocket starts to vibrate
>She then pulls it out and is now talking to someone on the other side
F: Hi mom...how you been?
>She then gets up and heads out of the room
>You look at Sarah who is still sitting and she shrugs as Fionna walks back in
F: Ok... my mom is coming down to drop off my older sister
S: What for?
F: Something about looking for a job down here
>And we get another one into the mix
S: I love Vi!! How long is she gonna stay down?
F: I don't know...she might move in
>Sarah is visibly happy with this then the smile quickly leaves her face
S: Wait...but she doesn't like humans. Did you tell her we gave one
F: It slipped my mind...
A: That means i can stay?
F: ...I guess as long as...you can clean up after yourself, right?
A: Yea
F: Ok then
>She then heads down the hallway to her room
F: Ima take a shower
S: Ok
>Sarah then looks at you
S: Speaking of which can-
A: I know how to bathe myself
S: Just checking
>She gets up and takes both empty coffee mugs to the kitchen

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>>11411348
>Sarah then looks at you
>S: Speaking of which can-
>A: I know how to bathe myself
>S: Just checking

MISSED OPPORTUNITY, DUDE

WORST STORY ON FOURCHAN -1/11 DELET THIS NOW!!!!!1

>>11411348
>You sit in the living room alone watching the news
> Then you get up and get the remote and flip through the channels
>Nothing's on
>Well nothing interesting at least
>You continue surfing as you sit down on the couch
>Sarah then comes in watches you
S: Looking for anything in particular?
A: Just something interesting i guess
>Sarah then hold out her hand
>You hand her the remote and she turns it to...
>Human Entertainment channel?
A: What's this?
S: Human Entainment and training channel, Anthros use this to distract their humans when they leave the house.
>You scoff
>As if this would entertain you for less than a minute
>You are then watching a show about reading different signs and what the symbols mean
>You know how you are just looking for something to watch on a saturday afternoon and find something stupid on but end up watching it?
>Yep...it happened again
>But you did kill time
>About enough time for Sarah to finish washing the dishes, and for Fionna to finish showering
>Fionna enters the doorway to the living room and watches the program from the doorway
F: You seem really into it
>As if being snapped out of a trance, you blink a couple of times and turn to look at the door way

>>11411376
--Just wait--

>>11411555
Please don't listen to the derp and do the story at your own pacing your doing well

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>>11411619
I didn't say nothing about rush or changing the story.

I guess someone here doesn't get the satire/joke...

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>>11411728
Nope, I don't get it are you making fun of /hmofa/?

>>11411861
>you know how to bathe?
>yeah
he's saying he missed the chance for dat intimate shower together

>>11410291
Ikr?!

>>11412948
Oh

>>11402728

>>11411555
--Aight this is my first time having to describe a female in writing so try to bear with it--

>You know have a hard on the size of the statue of liberty m8
> The first feature you notice is her hips
>Oh Lawdy those beautiful child bearing hips
>You notice she is also wearing a pair of cyclist shorts which complements her aforementioned hips
>She is also wearing a light grey tank top
>She is also not wearing a bra
>She looks like a solid C cup
>If your horny friend were here he would guess her exact size
>You still have to get him to teach you that when you get back
>You then look at her face
>The first thing that really pops are her eyes
>They are a bright amethyst color which look like they can glow in the right lighting
>Her hair is still drying and she just brushed back part of it behind her ear
>That always does it for you when you looked at a girl back home
>You thought is was cute how they did that
>You are just staring at her, lost in her beauty when you see her blush and chuckle a bit
F: Uhh...Anon?
A: Yea?
>She then points to your erection and blushes brighter as she looks away
F: Kinda happy to see me are ya?
>You then look down and see your dick, standing straight at attention
>You quickly take the throw pillow and cover yourself
A: Shit...my bad
>She looks back and sees you blushing a bit and smiles
F: See anything you like?
>Now she is just teasing you m8
>She then leans over the couch giving you a very good look down her cleavage
>You look down her shirt then at her bright eyes
>As she leans closer you both look away from each other as you hear Sarah finishing the dishes
S: Hey...Anon!
A: Yea?!

>>11420890
S: What's your favorite color?
>She then leans from kitchen with a small note pad
A: Uhh...why?
S: Im getting a shopping list together and i was gonna try to find you something to wear
A: Green and black
S: Ok...
>She then writes it down and then looks at Fionna
S: And you need...?
>Fionna is blushing subsides a bit as she replies
F: Uhh...just get me a snack or something
S: Ok...personal ice cream ok?
F: Sure
S: What kind?
F: Cookies and Cream
>You like cookies and cream ice cream
>Sarah then finished writing everything down and heads back into the kitchen set the notepad down and then goes to her room
>Did you just get cock blocked by a raccoon?
>Yea you did
>She then heads to her room as Fionna sits on the couch next to you
>Air is kinda awkward
>Sarah then comes back dressed in what looks like a hoodie and some jeans with the list in her hand
S: So Clothes for Anon, ice cream for Fionna food for the house and...Anon do you like kibble
>If she is refering to that nasty shit from the clinic then hell no
A: I can eat whatever you two eat
S: Oh...Ok
>She then grabs the keys from inside the drawer next to the front door
S: I'll be back in a bit
A & F (In unison): Ok
>She heads out and you hear the garage door open and a car start up then hear it start to pull out and the garage door close before you hear it head out
>You and the curvy vixen sit on the couch alone and in silence for a bit

>>11421017
>She chuckles a bit then looks at your pillow covered crotch
A: What's so funny?
S: You...
>She smiles then grabs the pillow and leans into you slowly
S: So did you see something you like?
A: Maybe...did you?
>Real smooth Anon
>You clap to yourself in your head
>Real smooth
F: Maybe...
>She then places her lips in front of yours
F: No tounge, ok?
A: Ok...
>You two then share a passionate kiss and she then places her paw on your cheek
>You turn your body slightly ans place your hands on her hips
>Your erection is back 10 fold m8
>She then moves the pillow from your crotch and sits on it
>She make a light but audible moan
>You then proceed to kiss her neck and nibble a bit on her shoulder as she rubs little anon with her crotch
>The then places her paws on your cheeks and looks at you
F: Follow me...
>She then gets up while holding your hand
>You get up and follow her
>You both reach the door to her room and opens it
>She then has you enter first and then wraps her arms around your neck and yall are making out again
>She then places her foot on the door and lightly kicks the door enough to close it and made sure you both heard the click

--Ima end it here for the night because of suspense or some shit that and i wanna sleep and make sure family doesnt walk in on me writing smut I might write Fionna's shower time in i dont know yet,anyway g'night guys--

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So this is pretty much HMOFA, but really fucking kinky?

>>11421232
I think you're moving too fast you need to build character they've only known each other for a day and already it's starting to sound like a porn

>>11421416
Sort of? Generally it just feels like a sort of niche offshoot of it, but with less sex. Surprisingly, a lot of stories don't really include any.

Then again, maybe I'm just remembering the stories I've read wrong, I don't know.

>>11421457
You right tho you right
I feel like the skillet part was strike 1 with a cop out excuse and re wrote it...shit and now this might be strike 2 this is my firs story and im tryin to do this right. i hate letting people down though i do it a lot

>>11408457
Oh my god, I thought my Bara waifu was ded!

>>11421635
Look your writing and what not is good just take it slow take Skreetz story, for example, look at how he built the character's relationship, with Lizzie its kind of like one of those old romantic movies you've seen in the past.

>>11408541
Shoot. I feel sorry for Sammy. She doesn't deserve this much pain

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>>11421635
You need slow down when you type. Just be sure to look and double check on what you just type. Make sure to decribe on what's happening in the scene.

>>11421801
I'll do my best to try to remember that
>>11421906
Aight, ill look over it in the morning and maybe revamp it on the paste bin before post

>>11421937
Alright. Wish for the best! And make sure you know where the story is leading

>>11422106
Thanks man, wilco!

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>>11402728
So does this mean all of our childhood tvshows and books that includes animals are now humans?

>>11422166
Quick tip: read back aloud what you type, it makes it easier to see what feels natural and what feels rushed. Also don't be afraid to beef up that text with a shitload of descriptors. Makes intimate stuff sexier.
For example:
>As Anon and [some random example fur] share a deep kiss, he reaches down and caresses her ass.
>After showering, her fur has become even more soft and silky than before.
>It makes you want to cuddle with her for hours on end.

Also I'd avoid doing total retcons, it'll fuck up the flow. Just use what you learn on the next story or chapter.

>>11422232
And vice versa

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>Taking care of your baby human

>>11421635
hey man down worry too much about pleasing others, aight? you're doing fine

>>11424658
If he wants to make a story just about porn there's the /hmofa/ general

>>11424761
he still can get cock blocked a second time in a row, by say a robber or something

live

>>11421232
>Be Fionna a few minutes earlier
>Taking a shower
>Sarah brought home a stray human
>A fully grown stray at that
>You sigh as you then start to reflect on the last few weeks
>You ended a toxic relationship with a wolf who seemed like a nice guy but turns out to be an asshole who cheated on you with some bitch with much bigger tits
>You then rub your face being careful not to get body shampoo in your eyes
>These few weeks went from depressing to Sarah trying to help you get over him, to weird
>To make it weirder Anon, the human spoke,
>You have heard that some humans were able to say only a couple of words like hello and goodbye but that was very expensive training to enroll them in
>But he spoke fluent sentences and winked at me
>No...get those thoughts out of your head
>Some anthros do have sex with their humans as a way to have a better bond with them
>After a few minutes of just standing there you then turn off the shower grab a towel and step out
>As you are drying you see what looks like one of Sarah's health magazines
>You pick it up and examine it
>There is a picture of a female bear and what looks like her human sitting together with a caption that reads 'Why I sometimes have sex with my human and love him more than ever see more on page 14'

>>11426881
>You groan as the thoughts of actually doing that rush into your head
>You then open t said page and begin to read...
>Huh...Apparently humans are always in heat unlike antrhos species which have heat cycles
>Interesting...it also says that if you are dealing with high stress levels, having sex with a human can greatly reduced your stress levels and clear your mind
>You seriously aren't thinking about doing this are you?
>After reading the page on how to turn on a female human you turn the page and read how to turn on a male human
>Don't do it
>It says that for some just walking around your house in a sexy out fit is all it takes to get them going
>You look at the clothes you had originally picked out which was just a very large shirt
>Could you really do it? You pondered as you set the magazine down on the counter
Fuck it...
>You put on your a pair of cyclist shorts and leave the bathroom and head to your room to the right of the bathroom
>You then look for something comfortable then sexy to wear and head back to the bathroom...
Im actually gonna do this aren't I?
>You put on your light grey tank top then brush your teeth
This better work...
>You then leave the bath room and head to the living room

--Ok so i had an idea of having a more detailed story that i'll just update and keep on paste bin
https://pastebin.com/qVjNHCwz
I'll still update the one on here. if you want you can read the revamped and just pick which one you like the best and read away

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>>11426881
just gonna tell you that this green is pic related

>>11426924
it's great that you're fleshing out your story, giving some reasoning behind character's actions, adding different povs, etc.

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>>11427771
>>11427781
Aces so i am getting better glad to hear that...now the next part i think as a possibility of either making or breaking this story entirely and i might just stick with the revamped version im gonna leave in the bin...but we'll see what happenes

>>11426924
>>11428151
>Be Anon
>You and Fionna are having a makeout session in her room. Your hands are on her soft hips while hers are around your neck. You don't know what type of bodywash or rather shampoo she uses, but damn is she soft. She then breaks the kiss and you 2 are looking into each other's eyes and she starts to tear up a bit. Seeing her tears causes your meat to retreat because you don't like to see girls cry.
F: I'm sorry...
>She says as she lets go of you. You then take her hands off her hips and she sits on her bed and picks up a pillow and starts to cry into it. You then sit on the bed next to her.
A: What's wrong?
>She then turns her head so you don't see her cry and wipes her tears while half her face is into the pillow.
F: I'm sorry I kinda killed the mood
A: Its alright, just tell me what's wrong?
>She is silent for a minute as you repeat the question this time sounding more concerned.
>She then sits up and turns to face you while wiping her face.
>You slowly reach your hand out and gently wipe her tears for her.
A: Can you please tell me?
>She sniffles and then gets close enough to you to be able to lay her head on your chest
F: I...I don't know what I was thinking...I mean I feel like I just got out a relationship and....
>You then put your arm around her and gently rub her hair and she abruptly stops talking
A: Slow down...
>She then looks up at you and you look down at her. Her eyes are more watery making her eyes pop more. She then sits up and breaths in as you turn your body to face her.
F: Are you sure you want to know...I mean you don't have to do this
A: I know...Though I still want to know why you started crying
F: Ok...

>>11428151
speaking of your bin, mind posting the link again, for myself and others New to the thread?

>>11428305
>Fionna sighs as she begins talking.
F: So if you don't know, I recently got out of a relationship with an asshole named Anthony...I mean he seemed like a good guy...until i caught him cheating on me with one of my friends...
>You look at her, as you are about to reply she stops you by saying...
F: It wasn't Sarah by the way...
A: Ok I was about to say something but continue
F: I The girl he hooked up with had much bigger tits than both of us
>She wiper her face of any remaining tears and continues
F: Sarah tried to help me get over him...she helped me get a job working for her parents, we also talked about adopting a small human to help me take my mind off of him
A: But I came along instead
F: Uhh...Yea...
>You think she chuckled a bit but aren't sure
A: Mind if i ask 1you started coming onto me?
F: I was getting out of the shower and saw a health magazine that Sarah owned and it said that maybe having hooking up with a human might be able to get my mind off of it
>It sound's like something that would be in a woman's health mag back home. The thought of that almost left a chill run down your spine.
>Though you can't really say nothing cause it nearly happened to you m8
>She then leans on you and continues
F: I've been trying not to think about it. I just tried to bury it down and just not deal with it.
A: You know that ain't healthy, right?
F: I know...
A: Maybe you just needed to talk to someone about it
F: Yea...
>You both sit there. She is leaning on your chest and you are just sitting on her bed
F: Can...
A: Yea?
F: Can you rub my head again?
>She then looks up at you with puppy dog eyes
F: Please?
A: Sure
>You begin to rub her hair as she curls her body around yours. It ain't sex but this is pretty comfy m8. You two sit in silence for a bit before she talks again.
F: Thank you...I think I really needed that
A: Anytime
F: You can stay for as long as you want by the way
>You smile as you now have an actual place to stay again

>>11428360
Sure
Story A it the one that is being posted here
https://pastebin.com/73kXnvVS

Story B is the one Im making as a more revamped version that isnt going up here
https://pastebin.com/qVjNHCwz

To every one else how was it this time?

>>11428588
thanks m8 for the links

It was good this time. Adding depth to a character like this helps is a good trait to any storytelling

>>11428557
holy fuck this is good shit

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>>11428588
You're doing good drawing out more character and setting down the base of a relationship and having them get to know each other more I wish to see more of this and keep up the good work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfyqTPeYBCg

>>11428557
>You and Fionna are sitting on her bed for what feels like hours have passed, when in actuality only around 30 minutes passed.
>You don't really mind at all cause this just feels comfortable.
>The moment is quickly ruined by the ringing of the door bell which cause her to shoot off of your chest.
>You then look at her. She still look like she has been crying, she then get up from the bed.
A: Doorbell rang...
>Fionna then grabs a bath robe, puts it on and heads to the door. You follow her out of her room and to the hallway
A: Is Sarah home yet?
F: If she was, she would just walk in, she has a key.
>She then walks to the door and peaks through the eye hole then quickly turns around and looks at you,visibly worried
F: Cops!
>She whispered to you. After hearing that, you start heading down the hallway
A: What?
>You both then hear a voice behind the door. The voice sounds male, possibly in his mid 30s you'd guess. The officer then rings the door bell again and Fionna jumps a bit
A: Answer it.
>You tell her as you head into the living room and head to the curtains. You move them just enough to peak out unnoticed by either cop
>Fionna then answeres the door.

>>11435796
F: Uhh...Hello
Officer Jackson: Good morning, Im officer Jackson with the West Province police department and this is Ms. Smith, she is with the Veterinary clinic in the same province. We've come to ask you a couple of questions.
>The officer brandishes a badge ad he is speaking and Fionna walks out the door. You are still watching from the curtains
>The first officer looked like a water buffalo, and looked pretty big he wore a dark blue police uniform, handcuffs, sidearm, the whole outfit. Now the second person with him looked like a female cheetah except she wore a uniform simalar to a dog catcher's outfit back home. You also notice she is carrying a small black object in her hand.
>Fionna then steps half way out the door and Smith walks up to her
Sm: Hi, How are you
>The cheetah began as fionna looks at her
F: Im fine and you?
Sm: Pretty good...uhh do you happen to have a lost human?
F: Uhh...no why?
>Smith then shows her the-
>That's your wallet m8...is it though
>You then start to feel around your pockets and feel a rip on your right thigh pocket
>You dropped it...
>The Cheetah continues and opens the wallet
>It has your ID in the clear part of it which sits in the center of the trifold wallet
J: We found this at the site of the accident this morning and his address is listed here
>Fionna then looks at the wallet and realizes it's your ID

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>All those sergals

God, If I was a pet, a sergal would be the last owner I would want to chose me

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>>11435796
pic related when I was just thinking of how dead this thread got and boom story anon is back!

>>11435859
could be worse, but yes, you're completely right

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>>11435907
>Haven't been adopted by any furries in years
>"Congrats, Anon! Your getting adopted!"
>Happily runs to my owner
>It's a sergal

>>11435859
>>11435907
>>11436431
What's wrong with sergals? I've never heard of them before last thread.

>>11437007
Good question? Some backstory behind them is that its a copywritten species, legally the owner of it can profit off their original work. Obviously it was stolen, but the biggest urk I think people have on them is their overuse, edgier than shadow the hedgehog color choices, and the fact that most of them dont even attempt to stay consistant to the original design

Sort of like how its split half/half wether sharks should look more dog like or not

What I think anyways

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>>11437079
That's why Yinglets are better!
>Tfw no zhig humies

>>11435816
>Fionna is reading the details of your licence as you look back at her at her from the curtains.
F: Uhh...Actually he does look familiar
>She then leans back into the house and looks at you. You are looking at each other.
>yfw
>She then looks back at the officer
F: You said this was found at the accident this morning?
J: That's correct
F: I saw that on the news earlier...I'm sorry i haven't seen him
Sm: You sure? It says this is his home adress
F: Sorry I don't own a human...
>Officer Jackson's radio crackles to life an he turns to answer it
>You over hear something about a hostage situation at a local bank
>Wait...how could you hear that?
>The officer then responds to the call
J: This is Officer Jackson, Im on the way now. Well, sorry for bothering you ma'am. If you hear or see anything, give us a call, Ok?
>You then look back out of the curtains to see the two start to leave
>The Officer hands Fionna a card with his contact information on it then heads to his car
>The buffalo officer then turn around and looks at Fionna
J: You can keep the wallet, we already made copies of his picture
>The Cheetah heads to her human catcher van and they then drive off
>Fionna then heads back into the house and closes the door behind her, wallet in hand

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>>11437296
--Shit for got the image---

>>11437211
>ratbird simulator when

>>11437339
man, I love these, these are by far the most amazing part about your storytelling

>>11437211
Is this yinglet related to Kalakeeh the Voluptuous ?

tfw no yinger boobies in my face

>>11402934
>>11406021
Speaking of which, here's Chapter Two and Three!


~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER TWO
~~~~~~~~~~


>Anon and Bryce down the corridors of what he was quickly coming to realize was a small castle
>Or was it a fort?
>Who'd have known that distinction would have been handy to have remembered from history classes
>Still, one thing he was sure about
This place seems pretty small for a castle
"Ah, yes, I suppose it must seem that way, even to an outsider such as yourself. You see, while I, and what's left of my immediate family, are members of the King's nobility, we do not truly occupy a high rank. As such, our land, and forces, are quite humble."
So what you're saying is that you're all the lowest on the totem pole, then?
"While I'm not quite certain I know what a 'Totem Pole' is, being on the lowest rung of anything is a feeling we know all too well here. Still, try as we might, it's not easy to climb while maintaining our good graces. Often times it is quite the balancing act."
>An awkward silence rose into the air, and they turned a corner, coming to some stairs.
>There was a soft, cloth-like sound as the two of them descended
>Looking down, he realized that it was her wings, brushing up against the thick stone walls
>As they reached a large, wooden door, she paused and looked back at him
>He was standing a few steps up, so she had to look up over him to reach his eyes
"Still, while we may have little, we have what we need for now. Despite what some might say, we're quite prideful."
>Looking down at her while she stared up at him with that determination in her eyes, he felt an odd, faint tug
>It wasn't a physical one though, that much was certain
>Still, he didn't have long to focus on it, as Bryce was opening the door, light streaming in to the dark stairwell
"And remember, no talking!"

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439449

~~~~~~~~~~

>Well, the first part had gone well, at least.
>Now to get him to the leather worker
>The moment she stepped into the courtyard she was, as was usual, the center of attention
>Bats bowing and curtsying, some doffing their hats, their large ears wiggling as they did
>Gossip traveled fast with ears like theirs, and she could hear that at least four Bats were talking about the attack on her carriage
>She did, however, get a moment's respite from the eyes and mouths of her people when Anon
>No
>HER Human stepped outside, following after her
>He was already large by human standards, bulky and muscular, yet visibly toned, obviously not just some Human who lifted random heavy thing in his spare time
>Clearly, to those staring, he had been trained, or perhaps bred, to some degree
>Considering that, alongside the fact that most Bats were on the smaller side, he struck quite the imposing figure as he strode into the courtyard, raising a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun
>The next odd factor was the clothing he'd arrived here in
>It was strong, yet bizarrely soft and thin, segmented into what he described as "shorts, a tee-shirt, socks, and running shoes"
>A hole that had been torn in his shirt she'd had repaired by a seamstress
>When she got it back, one of her servants told her that the woman fixing it had made a fuss of the stitching in his clothing, and how, compared to it, hers looked almost amateur
>For a moment, Bryce looked down to her own outfit, wondering if she looked shabby to her Human

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439459

~~~~~~~~~~

>Alright, this was going to take some getting used to
>Anon had gotten to know Bryce at least a little, and he'd stared out the windows at times and watched other Bats move around, tending to their tasks
>But this? This was a whole new world to him
>All around the courtyard, Bats of various shapes and sizes ogled him
>Some wore armor, others, more cloth-like clothing, and others even more
>A part of him wondered if he should pose, but he decided against it
>If he was going to play the part of the dumb animal for Bryce, he'd play it
>For now, at least
>Thankfully, soon the attention turned back to Bryce, and a proper chittering rose up from the area around them
>While he couldn't make out words, he could hear them...speaking? Sonar-ing?
>Whatever, they were speaking, and from what Anon could tell, it seemed to be about her.
>Bryce quickly started heading off, so he decided to leave the people of the courtyard to their own devices
>Following after her, the two of them quickly arrived at the leatherworker's area
>The other thing that 'quickly arrived' was a thick stench
>Scrunching up her muzzle, Bryce pulled out a clean cloth and held it up to her face, attempting to block some of the smell
>Anon was quite grateful when she offered him one as well
>Bryce didn't step inside, but soon enough a lanky bat appeared, striding towards them from within the sweltering building
>Following her eyes, she smiled up at Bryce before giving her a small bow
>It seemed odd, given she was a girl, and most of the others had curtsied, but who was Anon to judge what was weird in this world?
>Instead, he decided to look around while he waited to hear from either of them

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439479

~~~~~~~~~~

"So, you finally decided to get a human, huh Lady Bryce~?"
>Teased the leatherworker, grinning over to Lady Bryce who blushed, a hint of pink under her furry cheeks
"It isn't like that, Gizel. I'm not one of the sort to keep a human around as some kind of...plaything."
>She replied, frowning back at the apron-wearing Bat
>Gizel was clearly trying to keep from laughing
"I mean that sincerely. He helped to save me, even when quite wounded himself. How could I not keep such a brave Human like him around with me?"
>Gizel settled on giggling instead, mock-flexing, mostly with her back facing Lady Bryce
"And you're sure it's not because of those big, strong muscles~? Even with what he's wearing, it's pretty simple to look him ove-"
"H-Hush! He'll hear you!"
>Bryce said, her blush rising a to a rosy red now, the Bat shifting, looking over to where Anon was standing, two young Bats running in circles around him
>Gizel tilted her head at that, though, looking over at Bryce
"So? It's not like he has any clue what we're talking about, Lady Bryce. Heck, we could be talking about pushing him down on a bed, tugging his clothes off and riding hi-"
>Gizel didn't get any more words out as Bryce ha quickly rushed forwards, pressing her hands to the Bat's muzzle
"E-Enough! Let us talk about something more proper. That is, if your lascivious mind will allow such things."
"MMhm, whmm dm ymm wnnm tlm mbmm?"
"What?"
>Bryce said, drawing her hands back to her sides, freeing Gizel
>Gods above, talking to her could be so tiring
"I was just saying, what do you wanna talk about?"

>>11439495

>Bryce sighed, adjusted her clothing and wings, and then gestured over to Anon
"As you can plainly see, An- my human, due to his previous lack of owner, also lacks a collar. I want you to make one for him, and in the meantime, we'll use one of your other pre-made ones."
"Sure, that'll be easy enough. You want me to fetch him so I can measure him?"
"Yes, please."
>Bryce said, before an idea came to mind, one she hoped Anon would enjoy as well
>As Gizel approached, Bryce called out
"Anon!"
>While it made sense that he'd be alerted to his name, Bryce felt an odd warmth in her chest seeing his head turn to look at her when she called his name
"Keep away~!"
>She called out again, smiling and pointing over at Gizel
>After a moment, Anon grinned
>Gizel did the opposite
>Still, she had her task
>The game was on

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439510

~~~~~~~~~~

>So he was supposed to avoid the Leather worker Bat, huh?
>He wasn't sure why, but Bryce had looked quite mischevious when she'd said it, so he figured it had something to do with what they were talking about earlier
>Either way, it was a good chance for some exercise, as well as an interesting opportunity to see how these Bats moved around
>Other than just walking, of course
"Heeeere Human~"
>The apron-wearing Bat sang, slowly approaching Anon
>He didn't know if he'd ever quite get used to this kind of treatment
>Still, if there was one part of this that was good, it was that he had an advantage
>He had done the same thing with dogs plenty of times back home
>He leaned back, waiting until she was nearly upon him
>The moment before she tried to nab him, he sprung away, deftly dodging away from her grasping hands
>He didn't run though
>Instead, he bounced a few feet backwards, and then stopped, waiting for her again
"Quick guy, huh? Come on boy, heeeere boy~"
>She tried singing again, but it wouldn't work nearly so well on him as she might have thought it would
>He played along, though, starting to slowly walk towards her, only to spring away at the last second yet again
>After Gizel's third failed attempt to get her hands on him, she started to run, and they began to draw a crowd

>>11439520

>To her credit, Gizel kept up quite well for the first while
>But soon it became rather obvious who would be the winner here
>He could see her frustration rising, and a frustrated person...well, Bat person, was likely to make a dumb choice
>Luckily, this line of thinking paid off as she leaped at him
>Anon was pretty surprised by the fact that she flapped her wings, shooting herself right at him with a startling amount of speed
>Thanks to his expecting something, he managed to narrowly dodge her grasping hands
>He wasn't done though, and as she flew towards the ground, he wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her from falling
>He couldn't help but chuckle when she let out a squeak as he grabbed her and hoisted her up, raising her feet up and off the ground
"Wha- H-Hey, are you laughing at me?!"
>She squeaked in a far-more high-pitched, and breathy, voice than before, her flat, little chest rising and falling
>And jeez, she sure was soft and warm
>Was Bryce like this too?
>Speaking of which
>Ignoring her protests, he carried the huffing and squirming Gizel back over to Bryce

~~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439529

~~~~~~~~~~~

>Whoa
>He'd caught her
>He'd actually managed to dodge Gizel's leap, and then catch her afterwards!
>How fast was he?
>Well, that was a question for another time, especially since he was carrying her back over like a father carrying his unruly child
"I never said fetch, you know!"
>Bryce said, keeping the cloth near her face
>It, of course, wasn't to hide the fact that she was biting her lip to avoid laughing
>It was just because of the smell in the air
>Yes, just the smell
>She watched Anon set Gizel down, and the Bat took a moment to properly catch her breath, before she grabbed one of his arms
"Got...holy ones help me...I got him..."
"Yes you did indeed. Well done, Gizel~"
"Tha-Thank you...oh my legs...L-Lady Bryce..."
>Bryce could see Anon trying to hold back a laugh as Gizel leaned on him, slowly pulling herself together enough to start examining his neck, measuring him for later
>When she was done, she walked back to her work place, with only a bit of a wobble in her step
>A minute or so later, she reappeared, holding a fairly plain, light-brown collar in one hand, and a rope in the other
"Now, do you want to put it on him, or am I gonna have to do it again?"
"Well now, after all that talk earlier you're suddenly not fond of the idea of touching him~?"
"You didn't really let me know before hand that I was gonna have to chase him all over the courtyard, 'Lady' Bryce"
"My, and here I thought you enjoyed the seemingly ever-present vitality Humans contain!"
>While the two of them talked, Anon casually stepped over, picked up the collar, and started to put it on

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439561

~~~~~~~~~~

>Well shit
>What was wrong this time?
>Why were they gawking at him?
>All he'd done was put the collar on
>Was there a ritual or something he was supposed to do before that?
>Pretty much all it was was a leather loop with a buckle and a metal ring
>Should he take it off, or would that make things worse?

~~~~~~~~~~

"Wow, he knows how to do buckles up? And he even set it right too! You sure he doesn't already have an owner?"
>Gizel said, looking over at Bryce, who nodded back
"Yes, I'm quite certain of that fact at the very least. He might have been raised, shall we say, uniquely, for a Human, but I am his only owner."
>Gizel was a little surprised by the serious tone to Bryce's statement, and even Anon quirked a brow, but he remained silent
"So, how long until this collar will be ready?"
>Bryce asked, looking into Gizel's eyes.
"A few days to a week or so. I'll dye it so it matches your colors too, Lady Bryce."
"That sounds delightful to me, thank you, Gizel."
>With that she started to leave, though Gizel called out to her
"Lady Bryce, what about the rope to keep him from running off?"
>The former paused, turning to look back at Gizel
"I don't think that will be necessary~"
>Bryce started to walk off, and true to her word, her Human followed
>His long legs let him quickly catch up to her, the two of them walking side by side

~~~~~~~~~~

>Wow
>Bryce seemed happy
>Genuinely happy
>It had been a while since Gizel had seen her smiling like that
>Maybe a Human was just what she needed right now
>With that thought in her head, Gizel stepped back inside her workplace
>She was going to make Bryce one hell of a collar


~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER THREE
~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439577

>A little later, the two of them were walking through the gardens
>Anon was looking around at everything
>It seems this world truly was interesting to him
>Occasionally he'd stop and crouch down, examining the flowers and fauna they were passing
>Bryce watched as he examined plants like an inquisitive child who was discovering things for their first time
>Thinking about it, in a way, that was true
>She still needed to get used to thinking of Anon as an otherworldly being
>Though, looking at him now...
>Her eyes drifted over his large frame, before running up to the collar around his neck marking him as hers
>Of course, it was merely a formal matter
>But to the rest of the world
>...
>Hmph
>Now was hardly the time to be thinking such thoughts
>She had something to show him, after all
>She couldn't waste time wondering about how the world saw her
>Saw them
>He must have felt her eyes on him, as he turned where he crouched, staring up at her
>He started to open his mouth, only to stop
>She glanced to the side where he had begun looking, noticing two guards watching them
>While they, thankfully, gave her her space on the grounds, they were still attentive
>And especially so around this strange, new Human who had entered their midst
>She supposed she should have expected some apprehension at first
>Anon was, technically, a stray of sorts in these lands
>Still, over time, they'd come to accept him
>If not for him, then for her

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439591

~~~~~~~~~~

>For the Pre-Electronics Age, Anon felt like he was under more surveillance now than he had ever been before
>With Bryce's guards hanging around, it was going to be hard for him to get a word in outside of her room
>At least the Bat seemed to typically be on a similar wavelength as him
>He moved when she did, following along, despite his interest in the unique flowers and fauna he saw all around
>Sure, he recognized some, but there were many which were quite unique in nature
>Oh well, he'd have plenty of time to examine things later on
>Bryce seemed focused on...
>A wall?
>No, wait, he could see what looked like tree tops poking up from behind it
>Did they have a grove connected to this place?
>Following after her, they soon arrived at a large, metal gate
>With a nod, the guards began to open it, letting them through
>Beyond it lay the woods, dark and imposing, with massive trees sticking up from the ground
>They must have been ancient with how high they rose
>He was more than a little surprised that a forest like this was allowed to be maintained so close to the fort
>...castle?
>Ah screw it, he could ask her which it was later
"Don't be afraid, I'm here~"
>Came Bryce's voice, and he raised a brow, looking at her
>She gave him a light laugh in return before she began to stride into the woods
>Not seeing many other options, he followed after her, the two disappearing into the shadows

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439623

~~~~~~~~~~

>Holy hell it was dark in here!
>Just how thick was the canopy?
>He looked up, trying to see if he could spot sunlight streaming through
>...
>Pretty damn dark
>Following after Bryce, he stepped over a log
>Or maybe it was a branch?
>He couldn't see-
>Then he was falling
>He really hoped there wasn't a hole or anything ahead of him
>Nope, just another tree
*WHAM*
Ow, shit!
>He said, slowly getting back to his feet, still barely able to see anything more than faint outlines here and there
"Are you alright?"
>Came Bryce's voice, startling him due to how close she was
Y-Yeah, I'm fine mostly, I just can't see a thing in here, even with my eyes adjusting.
"Really? I do apologize if that is the case. Here, allow me to help you."
>Came her voice again, before something soft and warm brushed against Anon's shoulder
>Reaching out, his hand met hers
>He tightened his grip around it, and she did the same
"Hold on tight, it won't be long~"

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439644

~~~~~~~~~~

>She was holding his hand!
>Ooh, he was so cute!
>Sure, he stood a good head and a few inches above her in height
>Above most Bats, actually
>But even so
>The way he'd tripped and fallen
>And then how he took her hand without a moment's hesitation afterwards
>That big, strong hand holding hers...
>She was so distracted, she nearly walked straight into a tree before she got back to the present
"Don't worry, it won't be long now, we're nearly there."
>With a firm, "Okay" from behind her, she went back to sounding out
>Her ears swivelled, and she guided them easily through the underbrush

~~~~~~~~~~

>True to her word, they came to a stop a few minutes later
>She quietened her already-soft chittering, silence surrounding them
>For a moment, she felt how Anon felt
>Then, the faint sounds of others filtered into the air
>She listened for a moment or two before speaking
>She hoped it wouldn't startle Anon too much
"Lights up, please, I've brought company."
>She shivered as she felt Anon's warm breath roll over her
>Giving his hand a squeeze, she was thankful it silenced him
>Now was most definitely not the time to speak
>Slowly, light after light fickered into existance
>Flame contained in glass illuminating the woods
>Soon enough, the forest was awash with light
>It was as if it was being bathed in sunset
>Anon flinched, raising an arm up to keep from being blinded, the light especially bright after walking in the dark for so long

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439659

~~~~~~~~~~

>His eyes adjusting, he slowly looked around, marveling at what he saw
>Crafted into, and around, the trees, were buildings and walkways
>His eyes getting further used to the sights around him, he started noticing dark shapes perched all around in these houses and on the platforms surrounding them
>Soon they took shape, and Anon realized just how many Bats there were living in these woods
>He had to stifle himself before he spoke
>Thankfully the garbled word that escaped seemed to have been brushed off as some kind of startled noise
>In a way, he supposed that was the truth
"Is that a Human?"
"Lady Bryce got a Human?"
"He's so large! Has she had someone train him?"
"Look, he's looking this way! Hiya Human~!"
"Elsabelle, shhh, Lady Bryce prob'ly wants to give a 'nouncement!"
>A stream of voices poured out from all around them
>It was overwhelming, leaving Anon unable to tell one voice from another, having a hard time even making out words
>Looking at Bryce, though, she seemed unfazed, her ears swivelling and shifting atop her head
LB: "Everyone, please, quieten down. While it may be easy enough for us to speak, it is undoubtedly quite cacophonous for Anon here. He will be staying with me, and so I would like for him to get to know our home, and the people that live in it."
>A moment or two passed with, thankfully, the voices dying down to a low murmur
>Then, an older figure stepped forwards, a long, leathery cloak wrapped around him

>>11439679

OB: "My, Lady Bryce, surely such formality is not required when speaking with pets and family~"
LB: "Elder! It is good to see you looking so well~"
OB: "The same for you. I had wondered what had kept us from our usual talks, but I can see you had something important to do."
>He said with a smile, nodding down towards Anon
OB: "Come, we have much to discuss. I'm certain some of the children can keep your Human occupied."
LB: "A wise plan yet again, Elder."
>Bryce replied, before turning to Anon, smiling up at him
LB: "Now be a good boy and let the children play with you, alright?"
>Considering how good the hearing on these Bats seemed to be, Anon simply nodded in response
>He watched her smile and then step away, one flap of her wings lifting her up and onto the raised platform
>Then, with a wave, she turned around and walked off with the Elder
>Anon didn't have long to be lonely, though, as a trio of Bats flitted down and rushed over to him
CB1: "Hiya there Anon~!
>Said the first of the three
>Unlike with the adults, it was harder to tell what these Bats were exactly
>They didn't have fur so much as they were little puffballs with over-sized wings and tiny feet sticking out
>Their voices were all so soft and light, there wasn't much distinction to be had there either
>Well, they were cute, at least
>Not wanting to dissapoint, Anon smiled and gave the talking, fluffy orb a smile and a wave
>It seemed he'd picked another strange (for his role now) action to do, as the child who'd just spoke to him gasped and looked back to their friends

~~~~~~~~~~

>>11439697

~~~~~~~~~~

CB1: "Oh my gosh, he understood me! Hey! Come on!
CB2: "Calm down, Tybbie, he's probably just been trained to do that when he sees someone coming towards him."
T: "Oh yeah? Then why didn't he do anything to you, huh? Huh?"
>'Tybbie', apparently, said, looking surprisingly cocky for a person with barely any visible face, body, or otherwise
CB2: "Well maybe he does it when you say something, huh? Here, lemme try. "Hi..uh...oh, right, Anon!"
>Figuring it'd be best to just stick to 'routine', Anon once again smiled and waved
>It was the second Bat's turn to puff themselves up proudly
CB1: "See? I was right~!"
T: "Whatever Sy, I still think he's smart!"
S: "Yeah yeah. Hey Gabby, come on over, he's fine!"
>Looking over at 'Gabby', Anon noticed she (he assumed, given the name) was a bit smaller than the other two, a few twigs sticking out of her fluff
>Step by step she drew closer, looking up and up at him
>When she was close enough, he crouched down, and with a fluid motion, plucked one of the larger sticks out of her hair
>Or was it fur?
>Either way, she seemed to freak out when he drew closer to her, flapping her wings and stumbling back
>He resisted the urge to catch her as she wobbled away from him
>When she had stabilized herself, she looked back at him, and he held up the twig he'd pulled free, and smiled
>That seemed to calm her down a little, and soon enough she was back with Tybbie and, apparently, Sy

File: 1371948367353.jpg (21KB, 300x419px) Image search: [Google]

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>mfw all these greens

>>11439789

>She didn't get to hang around for very long though, as Sy took charge right away
S: "Alright, come on, we're gonna show you around!"
>With that, they headed out, The authoritative little Bat marching away
>Anon felt something soft slip into his hand, and he looked down, discovering that Tybbie had taken hold of it
>Anon paused for a moment, before extending his other hand down to Gabby
>He couldn't help but smile again when she decided to take his hand, the three of them walking off after their 'leader'


~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER FOUR - Coming soon
~~~~~~~~~~

https://pastebin.com/TWqzLHNp
Finally, chapters two and three are done! Like before, here's a link to a pastebin with the whole story (so far) in it. As always, constructive criticism is appreciated! Thank you for reading!

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>>11439805
Bless you anon for this bountiful green

>>11439798
>>11439813
Glad I can help, anons! Always nice to know my stuff is making people happy! I had to do a fairly major re-write for Chapter Four, but hopefully I can work things out with it in the next few days or so.

>>11439805
Figure I should bring this up, but there are species of bats that are huge like flying foxes and in the megabat category. They also are diurnal, opposite of nocturnal, and have no echo location with very good eyesight. They're also mainly fruit eaters too.

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>>11439898
The bat he's using in this story is I believe this one

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>>11439966
Just bringing them up in case he wants to vary up the bats he's using.

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>>11439981
Holy crap that gif startled the shit out of me I was like what the heck is that on her face

>>11439898
>>11439981
Thanks for the input anon! I know a bit about the different breeds out there due to some of the material I looked at while thinking up the story, but I definitely appreciate all the help I can get! Stuff like Flying Foxes do exist in this setting, I just haven't gotten to them yet. There are varied breeds of Furries and Scalies out there that occupy different roles. For instance, I've been thinking of having the local blacksmith be a Flying Fox, and I might have some of the more elite guards be as such too. Thanks again for the help!

>>11439966
Not exactly. I'll admit that I got the original idea for aspects of Lady Bryce from the pictures of this Bat (Nyxis, I believe) that people were posting when they requested Bats for the story, but I also don't want to just wholesale take her for my purposes. I try to keep things somewhat open for interpretation, while also attempting to stick to certain elements, as well as to actual Bat facts (or as close as I can get them).

I hope that helps clarify some things!

>>11439805
>>11440082
Nice. I see you've done your research about leatherworking. I like that.

>>11440319
Thank you, anon, I'm glad to hear you do! I also looked up stuff about it and, while I don't know every little aspect about the process, I think I know enough to make it work for now, especially with the help others have given me! 'Animals' are a bit different in my setting, but things should work out fairly normally in the end! Whenever I get to parts that'll require more information, I'll be looking up more info to make sure I can keep things fairly realistic over all!

>>11440369
I don't know if you want to go into it, but urine collection is usually vital for any large-scale tannery operation. There's other processes, if your setting was more tribal I'd suggest a brain tanning method or using wood/plant-based tannin sources. Also hide glue is another byproduct of the tannery, that's relatively simple in that a hide is diced up, scraped, or whatever possible to make it into a powder and thrown into water and cooked until it's very thick. I, personally, cook a pot of the stuff for a work week over low coals. It's all happening with all the other smelly (and it is smelly) processes I need done. Like making lutefisk.

>>11437296
>You look at her and smile as she walks to the living room where you are
A: Thank you for not giving me up.
F: Anytime...Here's your wallet
>She then hands you your wallet back and you accept it and slowly go through it.
>There is a credit card in one slit in it along with a bank card, insurance information, a few condoms your friend gave you the night before. And an old Pokemon red game with the sticker rubbed off your brother gave you.
>Fionna then decides to watch a movie and you join her sitting on the couch. After she sits down you lay beside her, your head on her thigh. It is surprisingly soft enough to where you could fall asleep if you had a blanket over you.You both watch a few movies on this world's version of netflix
>It's around 5 in the afternoon when Sarah comes home. When the door unlocks, sit up a bit. As you see Sarah come inside groceries in hand you lay your head back down.
S: I'm back and, you would not believe the day I've had.
>Sarah then heads to the kitchen and calls Fionna, by a cute sounding pet name, to the kitchen
S: Fi-fi can you help with the bags.
A: Hey...
S: Hey Anon
F: What took you so long?

>>11440743
>Fionna then gets up from the couch and substitutes her thigh for a pillow. It ain't as soft as her but it'll have to do you think to yourself as you continue watching one of the movies. She then heads to the kit
S: There was robbery going on downtown, traffic, got blocked off, and it took me a while to find some clothes for Anon to wear
>Sarah then heads back out to the car for more grocery bags, as Fionna puts the groceries already in the kitchen away.
>Sarah then comes inside with what looks like a doggy bed that had a few pack ages of clothes on top of it.
S: Anon,I got you a bed as well
>You look up and see her take it to the kitchen and lay it on the floor in a corner. You then get up from the couch and head into the room where they are and Sarah hands you a package of large black tank tops as well as large underwear as well as bathroom stuff like, tooth paste, and a toothbrush as well as deoderant
A: Uhh...thanks
S: Now go take a shower and change. I'm gonna get dinner started
A: Ok..
>You then head down the hall to the bathroom and open the door as you are closing the door, you hear Sarah about to tell you where it is but she stops as she watches the door close

>>11440748
The shower feels good mang...you wash off all the grime and troubles of the day as you rub the back of your head you suddenly feel a sharp pain where you got hit earlier...You thought it was weird but decided to ignore it and keep washing. As you are washing your chest you start rubbing the side where you got hit and felt a similar pain.
>Ok now you might have to question what is going on here. You touch it again and feel a quick but sharp stab near your rib and you wince a bit in pain. You will have to take some painkillers or something for that when you get out.
>Be Sarah
>After a long day of shopping and meeting some old friends, getting some lunch, even being in traffic during a bank robbery.
>The day was quite eventful you thought as you look at Anon's new bed and remember.
>You have to make an appointment with a vet to get him his shots as well as registered to Fionna.
>You then take out your cellphone and call a friend who worked as a nurse in the south. If you get lucky you might be able to get him as Anon's doctor.

--If this sounds like im not being consistent, just try to bear with me on this--

>>11440760
>try to bear with me on this
[bearing with intensifies]

Is it wrong that I want to be owned by a shady film company filming what amounts to bestiality porn where it technically isn't illegal?
I want to be coaxed into fucking Anthro porn stars and rich women who paid for an "exotic" fuck.

>>11440760
>Be Anon
>After you get out of the shower you head to the kitchen where food is cooking. It smells amazing. Like mashed potatoes and gravy as well as fried chicken, Sarah is sitting at the table it sounds like she is just getting off the phone with someone as you see her hang up almost immediately when you walk in
A: Who cooked?
S: Fionna did she is amazing in the kitchen
F: I can only cook like 3 things total.
>Fionna says as she gets 2 plates and puts apiece of chicken on them and some potatoes on the plates as well. She then walks over and places them on the table.
A: Is one of those for me or am i eatting kibble?
>You joke as you take a seat at the table in front of one of the plates
S: You will be eating kibble on the floor.
>She responds as fionna walks away to make her own plate
F: Can you even eat Anthro food?
A: I ate cereal this morning, didn't I?
F: Did you?
S: Yea I gave him a bowl...we didn't have kibble
F: Ok then
>Fionna then places her plate on the table then takes a seat.
>Dinner was amazing, all three of us joke, tell stories, talk about different music you like, all that good shit. And all of you get along rather well.
>You also learn a bit more about Fionna's sister, Vi, that is suppose to come down tommorrow.
>She studied to be a vet and an anthro doctor. She is apparently very skilled with her hands and pretty smart with robotics and physics. She also love to read comic books.
>She sound like a huge nerd with how smart she is but you are told she can be pretty chill at times.

>>11440824
After dinner, you offer to wash dishes
F: Ooh a human doing the dishes as well, now I've seen it all
>You chuckle at that
S: Well I'm gonna be going to bed now, we've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
A: What are we gonna do?
S: It's a surprise.
>She says as she gets up from the table and pushes her chair in then heads too her room
S: G'night.
F: 'Night
A: 'Night
>After you finish drying the dishes and putting them away you turn to Fionna
A: So where am i sleeping tonight?
F: Well...since the guest bedroom is gonna be taken tomorrow, you can either sleep there, the living room, the kitchen, Sarah room, or my room. Your pick.
>You ponder for a minute and think about your options.
>Sarah's room is where your little brother would sleep and he likes his privacy, while Fionna's room is yours on your world so.
A: I think i'll sleep in your room
F: Ok then
>She then gets up from the table and pushes her chair in then heads to her room
F: I think i'll turn in early as well, good night Anon
A: Good night.

>>11440901
As she walks out the kitchen you look at the little bed Sarah got you and look at the track suits she got you.
>One set is green while another is black. They look comfortable to wear. You then pick up the bed and start to head to the bed room as you are hit with the sharp pain from before.
>You drop the bed and brace yourself on the table
A: What tha hell?
>The pain subsides and you pick up the bed and head to the bed room and place the little bed by Fionna's bed.
>You look at her and she is already asleep.
>You never could get how people did that. You then head out of the room and into the bathroom and search behind the mirror for some painkillers
>You manage to find some and read the back
>'Take two a day with water'...'Keep out of reach of children'...'Do not mix with alcohol', the usual things OTC drugs usually say
>You pop 2 and cup your hand under the sink, fill it then take a drink and sigh
>You then leave the bathroom, closing the door on the way out and head to the bedroom
>You stumble a bit but brace yourself on the walls before getting to the door
>You manage to get inside and close it behind you as you lay down on the little bed. It takes you no time to fall into a deep sleep.

>>11440922
--That's all for this chapter of the story, you got, your "new" home, your owners as well as another one comming at the start of the next. There is gonna be a sub chaper about Anon's dream before then. But till then, ima go to sleep--

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>>11440961
wooo~!

>>11437296
>You can keep the wallet
I know you are probably getting tired on people calling out details that are really not central to the story, but that wallet is evidence in an ongoing investigation that could could potentially tie a hypothetical owner to a dangerous escaped animal, they wouldn't just give it away.

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Bat?

>>11439415
>kiln
Fuck, that's one of Octamous' million aliases, isn't it?

>>11440824
>She studied to be a vet and an anthro doctor. She is apparently very skilled with her hands and pretty smart with robotics and physics. She also love to read comic books.

I suppose he does need someone to make him his costume.

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>>11442369
You'd think it also would be in an evidence bag too, wouldn't you?

>>11443123
>>11440922
--What does Anon dream about guys---

>Be Anon
>You floating in a pitch black void. Well you think that. You don't see anything around you.
>You start to look around and see a dim light in the distance. You start to try to focus your eyes on the light but before your eyes could adjust you fly like a ragdoll as you are puled towards the light.
>You stop a few feet away from it and you think you hear voices coming from it. You reach out to grab it when it expands and you are back into the clinic you woke up at.
>You notice that instead of being inside the cell you are on the outside of it and you are still floating.
>You turn to your left and see the receptionist desk and see a doctor just pass through you.
>Ok...that confirmed that this is a dream you though as you head to the reception desk.
>No one else is in the small lobby but a small chubby bear sitting at the desk. There are also two anthros in front of the desk wearing suits.
>One looks like a sergal, he has a blue streak that looks like it is going down his back you also see that he has a couple of scars on his right cheek, The other looks like a female wolf, she is leaning onto the desk and filling out some paper work, You cant see her face but you notice she has blue highlights on the back of her hair. You hover behind the two and try to listen but can't hear anything.
>The receptionist then points down the hallway and one of the two walks down the hall as he is escorted by a horse who has some keys in his hands. You decide to follow them as they pass the cells.

>>11443809
>The two slow down as they pass your cell and you see your self laying in the bed. The Equine Antrho then talks to the Sergal as he looks into your cell.
>He takes one last glimpse at you before heading down the hall and stops at two cells away from yours. The doctor then stops and looks at the sergal then takes out a small syringe filled with something before unlocking the door and walks in.
>The human inside, couldn't be more than 14 years old you thought as he looks up and starts to get up but the doctor rubs his head and injects the unknown liquid into the human and it ends up laying back down.
>The doctor then checks to see if he is breathing. He then turns to the sergal and nods his head before getting back up and leaving the cell, but leaves it open.
>As the two head back toward the lobby the sergal looks at you again then keeps walking.
>The bear you saw earlier then comes from the back rooms but is stopped the doctor tells him something. He then heads back to the back and comes to the lobby with a stretcher then heads down the hall to the cells.
>You then look at the Sergal and Equine shake hands as you are pulled back into the void.

>>11443816
The hell was that about?
>You are then taken to another light. And like the last one you reach for it and the light expands.
>You are in the middle of the street where the truck had hit you but nothing is moving, not a sound s heard, and you are in a different place you turn to your right and see yourself in the process of flying back from the truck.
>You head over to the scene and examine what exactly happened.
>You see your pants leg is ripped where your wallet was but it is hanging out as if in the process of sliding under the truck.
>You then examine your torso. A chill runs down your spine as you see that a large piece had cut your shirt where your stomach was. Another piece had ripped into your shirt where your intestines were.
Jesus...
>You say as you cover your mouth. You feel like you were about to vomit, but you don't. If you had gotten cut and if there was blood splattered on the ground, you might have
>You then look around and see other antrhros of different size and species looking onward at you, most are in shock at the scene, some are pointing and a few have their phones out with the camera's pointed at you. You also see a few humans wearing track suits looking in horror.
>You then look up and see the street light. It's black like in the middle of a change, more than likely from green to red. You also notice the traffic camera on top of the light looking right at you as you begin to lift up and leave the area, back into the void.

>>11443829
>Okay what is this you thought as you float through the void and see 'screen shots' of what had happened through out the rest of the day
>You see where you got hit with the skillet, you see where Fionna gets home and looks at you for the first time, you also see the officer that came by later.
>You think you slowed down as if something was trying to let you see something and you notice a blue mark on his wrist, though you couldn't make out what it was.
>You also look at the cheetah that came with him but she doesn't have any distinguishable marks on her you can visibly see.
>As you leave the still images you are then floating in the void.
What is this?
>You ask as if thinking you'd get a reply but nothing is said back. You ask again but this time you yell it out. But still nothing but silence follows.
>You then hear a faint laughter coming from behind you and you turn to figure where it's coming from but nothing is there. You hear another voice laughing from a different direction and look to turn to find nothing again.
>You then hear screams of people as the laughter grows louder. The screams grow louder as does the laughter so much so that you cover your ears in retaliation.
>You then manage to hear,through the screams and laughter, a little girls voice. She sounds like she could be no older than 5. This causes you to look up to see where she was.
Little Girl: Is the mysterious man gonna save us mommy
>For some reason this causes you to nearly shed a tear. you slowly turn to see where she was and see a small beagle with a doll in her hand as well as her mother hugging her

>>11443842
>Every thing then suddenly stops, the screams, laughter, you can't even hear or see the little girl anymore
What tha fuck was that?
>You are then floating to a light below you and you end up free falling into the light. You put your hands in front of you shielding your eyes as you enter the light.

>Be Fionna
>Ughh...what time is it? You ask as you look up at the dresser, and look at the time on the alarm clock on top of it which reads 01:45 am
>You then turn over and see Anon laying in the little bed Sarah got him earlier. He is in a black tank top and some shorts. You think he looks cute while he sleeps as you turn your pillow over and shut your eyes.
>You are about to fall asleep when you hear him breathing heavily and murmuring. Must be having a nightmare.
I guess even humans can dream and have nightmares.
>You then reach your hand out and start rubbing his head until he starts to calm down and then you look at him. He is still kind of trembling so you rub his face a bit and the trembling stops after a bit.
>You then place your hands under your pillows and fall asleep again after yawning.

--Anon's Dream sub chapter is complete and i have updated the paste bin, the next chapter is on its way later--

>>11443809
>--What does Anon dream about guys---
Do Athroids dream of electronic humans?

>>11443861
Now you have touched my curiosity even more

Great job

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Comfy?

/COMFY/

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>>11402728
Hey I don't know if this would be a good place for this story but I guess its worth a shot. I am refugee from /yeen/. Some posters mentioned that you guys were cool with femdom and that I should put some of my stuff on here. If the pseudo-penises are too much then please just ignore this post. Thank you

(repost from writefag thread)
Hey, If anyone here is still has any interest in this story, I just updated Chapter 9 of Anywhere But Here. Sorry it took so long, I ended up having to delete and rewrite the chapter from the ground up four times. Hopefully you'll find it entertaining if nothing else.This chapter is mostly moving and action with no-smut. I would greatly appreciate feedback thank you.

>Anywhere But Here [human(m)xmultiple hyena(f),violence, femdom, smut, pseudo-penis, intersex, romance, drug use]

Anywhere But Here Part 1 CH 1-5 [Human(m)xHyenas(f)]
https://pastebin.com/u3k83bNp

Anywhere But Here Part 2 (UNFINISHED) CH 6,7,8,9 [Human(m)xHyenas(f)]
https://pastebin.com/NefkP7gz

General Teether Pastebin
https://pastebin.com/u/Teether

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>>11447167
Dude, I'm liking that Anywhere But Here I don't mind if you post it here.

>>11447167
Interesting...
Will check this later

>>11447167
This have human pets?

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F

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>>11447167
Just got finished catching up with Anywhere but here.....what I'm feeling right now

>>11449270
It took me like 30 seconds to realize that the black thing under her boobs was her purse.

>>11450783
You thought it was a dick? I did too until I looked at it closer.

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>>11447167
I'll be honest with you, the world building's kind of interesting but reading this was like multiple stabs to my suspension of disbelief. Riley's barely the only believable character along with Dee, Angel talks way too fucking much for what she is, Mace is uh, Mace is something, and I got right up to the twins and I decided that I hate every fucking person in this story anon included.

Honestly the fact that any of these people leave home base mostly unattended with anon watching literal drug-addled retards that are stronger than him, have claws, and with not an ounce of empathy in sight is what did it for me. The only one I liked was Dee and that was barely, I'm struggling to continue to read this.

I also think you should decide if you want this to have paragraphs or be greentext, trying to do both is messy and grating to read.

Oh nevermind, I'm done, I got to line 739 of the second pastebin and that was the final straw. There's a weapons board, go over there and ask them how guns work. An open-bolt submachine gun is not going to go "clickclickclick" under any circumstances unless you rattle the charging handle back like a retard.

2/10 great concept, barely tolerable writing, absolutely worth salvaging if detail is put into it

>>11450898
tl;dr: do research and include reasoning

>>11451106
Pretty much, but also put in some real formatting. This story meanders back and forth from "I am greentext" to "I belong in traditional literature" a lot and it's hard to sift through since greentext's style is not conducive to large blocks of text.

I hate to be so harsh, but I stand by what I said.

hey pets, i'm writing something atm based off the raccoon story. it's coming on nicely.

lemme ask you guys something: do the owners in your headcanons (raccoons) get periods? does it differ by species or is it uniform? how anthropormorphised is the birthing process in general?

>>11451530
>do they get periods
that's a bit specific... but in short, it's a story, you don't gotta include/worry about it unless it's somehow crucial to your story

>>11451242
i find it could be useful to switch between traditional blocks of text to greentext as the situation calls for it, like a needed emphasis or a short, recollection of some event, or what have you.

oh and I'm not the anon who's writing the story, just fyi

>>11443861
don't say it's a dream this is real reeee

>>11452461
I hardly ever greentext unless I know it will turn out precisely how I want.

Your suggestion works though, he should try that. Also since it's paste bin...
He should space it out a bit.

>>11451530
Fun fact, humans are among the very very small list of species that have periods. Periods are in no way common at all among mammals.

>>11443861
keep them coming anon this is good

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>>11402728
>no yinglet with dumb pet human

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>>11451106
>>11451242
Yeah this is my last greentext story before switching to standard paragraph form. This is the most common complaint and I completely understand it. The first two chapters started as greentext and it kinda just kept going. Since its almost done I really didn't just want to abruptly switch it to a completely different format half way through.
>>11450898
damn dude didn't think someone would get so heated over my terrible shlock.
>Riley's the only believable character
thats actually the opposite of what I usually hear huh. Usually I've heard most people dislike Riley the most
>the gun clicking more than it should
purposely tried to leave the guns a little vague. So far the only people who really blew their tops about the uzi were from /k/. I guess I forgot to fix it
Once again I didn't mean to give anyone here a conniption.
If you all think its that bad I guess I'll refrain from future posts here. If anyone here still cares Ill be placing future updates in the writefag thread. thank you all for the feedback.

>>11455644
Anon just to let you know those couple are probably the only one's complaining about it and nit picking. you've seen for your self in the hyena thread most of the other anons like it.

>>11455644
Dont stop posting it in hmofa too!

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>>11455790
>>11455863
thank you guys. I like to hear people's complaints too. It helps me know if I am dramatically fucking up or if anything needs a change. Ever since /yeen/ died I've gotten mostly negative feedback or ignored. I am not going to stop the story till its done but it still makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. Regardless, good or bad critique I wanna hear you all out. Thanks

>>11455954
It's a good peice, Im enjoying the ride so far.
but damn you.
Damn you for what you did.

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>>11456239
I know that feel

No dying

>>11455954
Nope, too messed up

Hm, let's just hammer this out quickly.

>>11455644
>Since its almost done I really didn't just want to abruptly switch it to a completely different format half way through.
I would personally rewrite it to keep the style consistent, it would also give you a chance to review and rebuild as is necessary.
>damn dude didn't think someone would get so heated
In case you didn't realize, I'm also a writer. I'm not heated, I just don't really feel like bandying words very much. My initial impression was that you didn't know where you wanted to go and were being lazy about it, so consider the lengthy post a surly, "shit or get off the pot," fired in your general direction.
>thats actually the opposite of what I usually hear
>people dislike Riley
So do I, I can't stand her as a character. I understand her though, or at least what you were trying to do. So far she's the most believable thing you have with Dee coming in closely behind, Angel talks way, way too much and shares a ridiculous amount of herself with a stranger with little provocation just like Mace.
>purposely tried to leave the guns a little vague
>I guess I forgot to fix it
Remember what I said about laziness? This is the manifestation of that. Being vague is fine, but if you're already skating on thin ice it would be prudent to avoid taking a hammer to the reader's suspension of disbelief. You should really, really reexamine the direction and content of the story and live each moment, each scene, yourself with as much detail as possible.

>If you all think its that bad I guess I'll refrain
I specifically said, "absolutely worth salvaging," in my critique. So far I'm the only one in the entire thread who's said anything specifically negative about it, and your story is the only one I've commented on.

>>11455790
If you consider that "nit picking" I'm going to cordially invite you to go fuck yourself, because if you want to see that I can make about ten full posts completely shitting on it. (I won't, but I can)

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>>11458467
Then don't read it you nit picking high horse riding faggot

>>11455954
>I am not going to stop the story till its done but it still makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.
Oh, I missed this post. Sorry, it's 7:51 AM and I've had a tough time sleeping.

By all means continue, but I don't think you'll get much positive feedback in it's current iteration so I'd consider what you have a rough draft. As discussed transitioning to paragraphs will help, as will spacing things out so it's not a headache to look at and isn't pissing off the reader. My suggestion with that is have a parallel pastebin going (unlisted) where you write the revised version while referencing your old one and SAVE OFTEN. This is going to be a demoralizing and sad project, minimize suffering by minimizing potential for catastrophe.

Riley is an unlikable but believable character, her awfulness wouldn't be an issue in a different environment. I've said this, but I need to really drive home the point that you cannot always listen to people on how much they like or dislike characters, your story will be complete shit and dumb fan service if you do that.

Your general concept is fine, but you move way, way too fast for it to be plausible. Going straight to hotel rape is fine for a quick jerk, (and probably why you were so well-received in /yeen/ to begin with) but that won't fly in a deeper story that's trying to mean something. I think that's what you're aiming for, something with a bit of depth to it. You need to stretch out the day a bit, set us up for it, give Riley a chance to shine that personality that comes out in later chapters.

Angel and Mace are nowhere near as aloof as they should be. If I met somebody like them and she dumped all of that on me ASAP I'd be trying to pick out kernels of truth in the bullshit because the only people who spill their life story are the naive or liars. Yes, they're hurt/broken/remorseful, yes, it's sad, but I don't care because it feels forced and I'm resisting scrolling ahead.

Oh dear, ran out of space. Continued below.

>>11455954
>>11458661
Anyway, as I was saying, they definitely would benefit from a slower introduction. We see this gang just show up out of the dusty wasteland and you establish they're a tight-knit group, but these little sexual vignettes are not happening in a vacuum at all. Why the fuck aren't we looking around at anyone else? Why are we focusing on the one character and one character only? That is part of what initially turned me off because I was still reeling from Angel's weirdo pity-party showered on some dumb fucker she just met. (coupled with the revelation that if she ever started being an erratic lunatic she'd kill herself)

Dee actually made me care a tiny bit, I was deeply annoyed by the public bondage stuff but I'll chalk that up to a style difference than anything else. A lot about that didn't sit with me so well, but mostly because I have no fucking idea what you're doing with the world at large. What really, really made her stand out was the shift in style and personality from the others. A weirdo through and through, she had me thinking, "yes, I could see this being a real person." I really want to say arriving at the big biker party was the right time and helped that interaction, but I'm not so sure.

All of that was wasted the moment Mace showed up. We've discussed the life story thing, but with Mace the scrutiny is even higher. Damaged war vets? They do not go on and on and on about the shit that bothers them.

You have a real opportunity to make this character shine the brightest though! Absolutely shine, and I mean it, but you need to make her bond with/trust anon first. That fight? That's a good way to get her to open up.

She plays a very important role later on, I do like how you chose to use her as they fled and how you ended Chapter 9 on a sorrowful note. That was good writing, keep it up.

>>11458598
Said the anon who contributes absolutely nothing of value. Don't worry, you've got your precious (You) even if it's the last one.

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>>11458670
Thanks Dork

>>11457292
>Saves

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>>11458467
>>11458661
>>11458670
>all the characters are not-believable or unlikeable
can you go into further detail about this? I don't understand why anyone would bother reading the story in the first place if they all thought this
>live each moment with as much detail as possible
I didn't really think I was lax on the details of the characters or story itself. The only thing I felt being lax on was the weapons because most readers won't really know the difference between me saying "he pulled out a Kimber 1911 Colt .45 with extended magazine, glow sights, and silencer" rather than just saying a pistol. Also putting that much detail into every gun seems cheesy to me. It just comes off like I am trying to write for some highschooler's gun fantasy rather than looking at the flow of the story. Breaking off from the flow to describe every detail is not always a good idea. In the wrongly-quotable and butchered words of Stephen King "writing is a two-person effort, the writer provides the details while the reader provides the imagination and fills in the gapes". You have to give the reader some credit in use their imagination to fill in any blank details with their own aka the belief "Your supposed to be writing a story not a tech manual"
>the only people who spill their stories are naive or liars
Who hurt you anon? Anyway, I kinda wanted to make it like that. Anon(twigs) is kinda naive, hes mostly supposed to be a softy but gets irritated when he starts getting pushed around.Also, both those characters dumped their stories because they had zero fucks left to give. Angel got frustrated and just vented while Mace had long ago stopped really caring about putting on a face
>plausible
can you explain?
>first two chapters feel like their going for a quick jerk
Well the first two chapters were supposed to be quick smut and I continued it because I felt like there was more I could do with it. Also, if you into any femdom Riley's not really unlikeable, She's just bossy

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>>11460134
(cont)
>having in a vacuum
Well, the story has fly-by-seat. I've been making it up as I go but with established goal posts for events. It was initially supposed to be set up as meeting one character each day because I was making characters as I was making the story. Also, I really just wanted to make each chapter a personal spilling of anon to (insert whatever character he had to be with that day). I felt like it gave anon more time to get to know each character individually
>didn't like the characters were weirdos
but thats the whole point of these characters, there supposed to be weirdos and outcasts, I purposely made them that way and thats why I love them. Not every female character ever has to be qt3.14. Sometimes its nice to have variety. I can understand if its not your cup of tea. Thats cool but I do like to have characters that are wierd or have quirks. It makes them feel more personal to me
>Mace's personality inconsistent
I didn't that was really out of place for her. She's damaged but her personality was supposed to focus more on her lack of caring anymore. She doesn't really care who she tells her story too. Also, she abuses dissociating drugs and chems which make her care even less and more open to just speaking her mind. Not every damage war vet has to play into a trope.
>annoyed by Dee
Yeah once again they're all supposed to be outgoing weirdos like Dee talked about in the bathroom. "If were going to be seen as outcasts and weirdos then lets get as weird as we can"(not direct quote) kinda ordeal. I kinda based her attitude on voguers and drag queens so yeah it fits her personality pretty well.
>the first fight bonding
funny I didn't really mean to write it as too much bonding because Anon was supposed to be kinda floating in the fish-eye of drugs while this was happening. Hence the panicking in the hotel room later when he began to come down

Overall though thanks for the feedback


Sorry to everyone for derailing the thread a bit

>>11460134
I think that the person giving you critique has suppressed the fact that greentext format stories arent supposed to be novels, and is applying a lot expectations onto it because of that. They're suppose to be quick and to the point. But if it doesnt bother you, more power to you - but I get the feeling they would have a heart attack from reading StrongAnon's quickwrites

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>>11450898
>>11458467
>>11458661
>>11458670
Can anyone else who read the story comment on these points? Id like to know if these are more widespread problems you all felt. Thank you and sorry again for the derail

>>11402728
Are there any femdom/worship stories here?

>>11460134
>can you go into further detail about this?
About how a character doesn't have to be likeable to be believable?
>why anyone would bother
I don't know, I was trying to be nice and read what you wrote.
>I didn't really think I was lax on the details of the characters or story itself.
>The only thing I felt being lax on was the weapons
>"he pulled out a Kimber 1911 Colt .45 with extended magazine, glow sights, and silencer"
Considering how little guns come up in the story I'm not sure why you think this, there are so many other things that go untouched and unexplained as we rush along from one sex scene to the next. Sure, you could always have fine detail that would appeal to people who know what Kimber is and what the 1911 is, have at it, but there's other things to cover first. I don't even know if you want to keep greentexting or go to paragraphs, make that decision and then go from there.

Either way I'll put it into a simple scenario:
Anon sees the motorcycle gang in it's entirety for most of the initial chapters, but why are we only made aware that there's twins, a NBA giant in bondage gear, and one dressed like a rhinestone cowboy until much later?

Those would stand out at least while they were milling around the parking lot.

>You have to give the reader some credit
Interesting. When these characters just appear out of the ether and, not being morons, the readers, remember that they should have seen them it sours the experience.
>Who hurt you anon?
I worked in a halfway house for a few years, Angel would set off all the red flags because people with real pain don't talk about it. Frauds prey on the weak and vulnerable, she would have to be watched or sent back.
>hes mostly supposed to be a softy but gets irritated when he starts getting pushed around
His reluctance to share and bond until Dee felt real.
>they had zero fucks left to give
Angel is remorseful and ashamed, she has plenty of fucks, don't hand me that. Continued below.

>>11460367
>>11461292
Mace is bitter on how the war turned out, but she's angry and sad that she never got to say goodbye to her lover and comrade. It's not an easy thing to get over and she didn't get over it, she might not have much to live for besides the SoCal Sisters, but she absolutely does care enough to keep functioning and keep bearing her burdens.

That's why I'm so hard on both of those characters, they're not some cheap throwaways and especially not for Mace because she has a very important role.
>can you explain?
How? How these complete strangers who know absolutely nothing about each other suddenly start caring out of the blue? I can understand anon a little bit, we're supposed to care through him, but Riley makes it clear we're just a toy. We're not treated like that, we're treated as a walking messiah to save these savage furbags. Is that what you want? I keep thinking back to their previous "meat to bat around" and I wonder if he offed himself to escape such insane people. I kept wondering if anon would pick up a gun and consider it himself, especially when the twins were in play.
>Well the first two chapters were supposed to be quick smut and I continued it because I felt like there was more I could do with it.
Which is the root of your problem.

>>11460367
>Well, the story has fly-by-seat. I've been making it up as I go but with established goal posts.
Please show it, because it does not feel like that. It feels rushed, erratic, and has no direction chapters 1-5 or so and then we see your intentions stumble out.

I really, really want you to have a direction, I want you to succeed here, because the concept's interesting.
>didn't like the characters were weirdos
I never said I didn't, I was pointing out that they were.
>Mace
We've covered Mace already, but...
>write it as too much bonding
You didn't. At all. That's my point, Mace bonds with Anon the moment he sits down, they get high, and then surprise we're having sex after some adventures.

>page 4 already
Somebody must be spamming.

>>11460407
Also, yes, I apologize for my part in this. I was initially not going to post, but it was close to the end and needed a bump anyway.

By the way you're welcome again for the feedback, I know it's all "but you're doing it wrong!" this time, but every bit helps. The first story I put online quite literally nobody liked, but I took what they said and put it to good use.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to help.

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>>11461292
>>11461308
>>11461463
>which is the root of your problem
Yeah, I've acknowledged that. At this point I was only planning three or four more chapters before ending the story and moving on to another project but i dunno. I dig this story but I've already spent a lot of time rewriting it on a daily basis. Just getting a little burnt out is all and realizing a lot of it is mostly disliked is killing my motivation but I still want to finish it (inb4 boohoo you fucking baby)
>no bonding with characters
Looking back I can see that, Did you feel like it was up and down with plot dumps vs. no plot given etc?
>keep greentexting or go to paragraphs
I enjoy the story and like the characters but I am afraid to put the whole thing on hiatus and rewrite from the ground up again. The few people who actually care about any of this mess will stop giving a fuck by the time of rewrite. But I also think about it giving me piece of ming since I am an anal wreck. Ehh thats probably just me getting emotional
>people with real pain don't talk
how would you have me remedy this? I don't want to write a hundred pages of anon following around a bunch of people who do nothing but keep silent and mumble for the majority of the story
>why didn't anon eat a gun rather than take a ride with the sisters
Because he was desperate to get out of the desert and get food/water. Also, eating a gun is not an easy thing to do despite what 4chan says. I've looked down the barrel a couple times and its not something you do as a casual side thought.
>i'm not trying to be mean
Your first post read more like an emotionally fueled opinionated rant rather than critique but your follow ups have shown otherwise. Thank you for taking the time to elaborate. I know your not trying to be mean. Really, I am just happy someone's taking the time to give me pointers.
>iam a writer
since your a writer could you give me any general advice or tips about becoming one? (pubvs.self/smutvs.nonsmut/etc)

>>11462655
>Just getting a little burnt out is all and realizing a lot of it is mostly disliked is killing my motivation but I still want to finish it
Please don't give up. Do as I said, open up another file and begin writing it from scratch and reference what you already have as both a guide and a reminder. Some people might say this will taint your new work, but I really disagree with that as long as you walk yourself through the story in it's new form.

You will have to decide what kind of story you want, though. I'm not going to tell you what to do there, that is your decision.
>Did you feel like it was up and down with plot dumps vs. no plot given etc?
Can I say both? I like that you tried to expand on the world through dialogue, but moody and pained characters are not the right ones for monologues like that. Mace could talk about the war, sure, but stay away from emotion and keep it brief.

An open-ended plot can be a blessing and a curse, as the author you can simply lead the reader along and never hint where it's going if you like. Your story has to be pretty well-rounded and put-together for that to fly.
>I am afraid to put the whole thing on hiatus and rewrite from the ground up again
>The few people who actually care about any of this mess will stop giving a fuck by the time of rewrite
I won't.
>how would you have me remedy this?
Ask yourself, how does it happen in real life? You just alluded to having emotional stuff going on at the moment, if I were writing this story I'd make me ask, then you would hesitantly explain some brief overview or avoid the question, I'd press, you'd reveal some, and we'd talk from there. Hear us have that conversation in your head, imagine me asking you things, talking to you, and then step back and ask, "does this sound believable?"

I don't know you, but I am trying to be helpful and you're twisting in the wind looking for relief. That's the kind of moment you need to create and capitalize on as an author.

Continued below.

>>11462655
>>11462977
>>11462655
>Because he was desperate to get out of the desert and get food/water.
Actually that's not what I meant, but I did get that. I wish you established his will to live a bit more, but to be honest I'm not sure how you could have done so I didn't bring it up.
>its not something you do as a casual side thought
Sometimes it is, it's shocking how abrupt a thought like that can come and manifest itself into a failed suicide.
>Your first post read more like an emotionally fueled opinionated rant rather than critique
Being succinct sometimes has that effect, especially if the subject matter is negative in nature. As such it's good to give context, I think if you heard my tone it wouldn't sound so mean. (except the bit about the gun, I was genuinely annoyed there, sorry)
>Thank you for taking the time to elaborate. I know your not trying to be mean. Really, I am just happy someone's taking the time to give me pointers.
You're welcome, but this genre really isn't my style at all. I know what's appealing for the fem dom and pet crowds, I get it, I'm just not really an author of that type of stuff. I can write it and I have, I've actually gotten some praise for it, but it's not what I normally do at all.
>could you give me any general advice or tips about becoming one?
For profit? Not really, not unless you're interested in technical documentation. That requires an understanding of the subject matter that really doesn't lend too much to what we're doing here.

I think I've given you all the relevant tips you need, anything else is kind of specific to sci-fi and it's essentially more of the same. (decide what kind of story you want, etc) I will say that you need to find a way to put a barrier between you and your audience, even if it is a small one. People will want something and sometimes it's better not to give it to them, you need to be able to resist if necessary.

Keep at it, you'll figure it out.

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>>11462989
Cool, I think i'll go forward with the hiatus and do a rewrite if nothing else than to get practice. This is my first real write project so I hope I'll be worth something of a writer one day.

Mind if I ask you one last question. What would you say about the sex scenes? Were they too wordy or not wordy enough? Should I destroy them in the rewrite and focus less on sex? Do you think I should just opt out of smut or stay in with this story. I feel like what I've written for the most part on the sex scenes but I really don't find them that overwhelmingly great to write

>>11463332
Sex scenes were fine, but as for if they belong or not... I don't know!

I don't like writing them myself, but I do put work into them if that's what the story is partially about. Writing for sex is fine, but again, you need to decide what kind of story you want. Are you a good enough writer, right now, to fill in all the space they would take up? Do you have ideas you want to play with and try? Do you think they're a possible source of padding to help tie the story together? Answer these questions first.

Remember, you're not perfect, just be honest with what you can and can't do and don't be afraid to use literary devices, things like sex scenes, and certain distractions to help smooth off the rough edges of your story. Some people might not like it, but then again some people can go fuck themselves.

I hope to see your writing again soon, I think you're onto something with this.

>>11439697
Why in the hell did you change to this awful format?

>>11463332
Anon It's ok to get some advice from some people but make the story the way you want it like those other anons said in the hyena thread your story and that other one with the guy doing security where the story's most preferred.

>>11459628
Jesus christ those faces
Are they dying?

>>11466074
More like the peak of orgasm

Yo whatever happened to /yeen/?

>>11466148
not enough people to sustain it and fall semester starting killed it

>>11466168
I thought it was an on and off thing?

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>no trashy hyena gf

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>>11467868

>>11467868

No pseudopenis, no deal.

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>>11467868
lol Boon what the fuck are you doing?
>"eight dollars for a grande? I got your grande right here bitch!"

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>>11468337
>"I GOT YOUR DLC RIGHT HERE"

I'm sorry

Anyone know what happened to To Tame a Human and Pacific Pearl?

>>11468958
Skreetz just posted some of his stuff in the last thread and Pacific pearl I have no idea.

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>After a night of passionate love making

>>11468938
>Avantes

Fugggg my benis

>>11460367
Did we became /yeen/ by accident?

Great story by the way!