/vent/ thread part three Vent any frustrations or whatever into

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I've got this fucking stupid system in my life where everything revolves around my lucky number, 2. If given a choice of things I'll always pick the second one and this has affected me for a long time now and I can't seem to stop myself. I seem to have no fucking free will and nobody seems to understand. Hell even I don't half the time.

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>Bumpfag still isn't banned

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>>11348185
>bumpfag will never get banned

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>>11342129
Yeah I guess I'm talking about my idealized version. But that's the rub, you can make the best plans but you can't control the situations that will arise. I thought it easy to condemn Lenin for betraying his ideals after the revolution, but the more I learned about the cataclysmic situation he had to deal with, the more I was glad I wasn't in his place. I would probably have had a stroke from the guilt and stress. Which is exactly what happened to him, come to think of it. Huh. Anyway, the one-party system and totalitarianism definitely weren't "in the script", they happened because the historical situation called for them or allowed certain people to enact them. Kind of a butterfly effect thing: Stalin choking to death on borscht before 1917 would have changed the entire 20th century. Nonetheless, these undesirables scenarios will need to be accounted for, the next time.

And yes, SJWs are shitting things up for everybody. I have no doubt that CIA and some rich fucks (cue the likes of Soros financing every """progressive""" group in America) deliberately co-opted the American left. The country is sliding towards third world status, and all they talk about is fucking bathrooms and Beyonce, it's fucking insane. And when we do talk of class and dismiss idpol, they call us "brocialists". But it's like you said, socialism is as socialist does, we'll have to wrest the terms back from SJWs. The Democratic Socialists of America have been doing a good job so far, I hope they resist the allure of idpol.

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my roommate ate all my goldfish >:c
now how am I supposed to have a snack that smiles back

It doesnt matter what I say or do, its all pointless and Ill always end up back at the same place, sad and alone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYUBT7VBOTI

It would really suck to ruin a relationship with a good woman over the 7/10 slut, and would definitely ruin with any chances with the 8.5/10. But if I reject her theres a chance that Ill never have the other 2

>no fembots ultimate fantasy is to get married, have children and grow old with their husband

youre nothing but failed Stacies

I'm feeling really anxious right now and have no idea why.

Hollywood is making a reboot of lord of the flies but it's all female

>>11349591
>no fembots
Yeah, that's pretty frustrating

>>11349948
You wanna talk about it, bro?

>>11350103
Wut? I don't even understand the point of that. How does that matter either way?

>>11350178
I feel like something is about to go wrong. Except I don't know what. That's the kind of nervousness I'm feeling right now.

I never get sick, last time I got truly sick was a couple years ago after getting infected with the Vomiting Bug. Now I'm sick with streptococcus and I'm completely fresh and new to the concept of how to take care of myself.

>>11350301
Maybe you are worried about something you did or an event that happened in the last couple of months?
You should try easing your mind with some kind of relaxing activity, or maybe talk about it with a friend.

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>>11347607
Fucking make it your badass persona.

You'll be like Two-Face but instead you'll be 2-Face

>>11350753
I think it's a bunch of small things, plus I'm seeing my parents tomorrow (don't have a great relationship with them). I've been watching Gondola vids on Youtube, but I think I'm going to go to bed now. Thanks for the replies.

>fat
>manlet
>losing my hair
>complete moron
>I'm not good at school
>I don't even know what I'm gonna do with my life when I get out of college
>I'm not good at any sport
>I have no subject or discipline I excel at
>I'm not even good at playing videogames, I suck at them
>Whenever I try at anything I fail
>I can't act, sing or play an instrument
I have no talent, I got the genetic short straw and I'm just...bad at everything.
I'm worthless, my existence is meaningless, I'll never be able to make something of myself, I'll never have any legacy, I was always a failure, even as a kid when I was at least skinny and played soccer all I did was get dead last in everything.
I've never been worth anything, I've never been good at anything. I hate myself. I wish I could do anything, the only thing I actually enjoy doing is writing stupid little stories but I suck at writing too. I just wish I had some skill or talent, I feel like I've tried everything and I just have nothing.
I genuinely just feel like a burden and all I want is to find some way to be useful, but I just have nothing. I don't know what to do

>>11347607
1 - You're not a faggot.

2 - You're a faggot.

Pick one :^)

I'm sure many of you will get pissed at me because this is pretty good considering, but I'm annoyed. My GF and I got together under the impression that this would be an open relationship. Well, I have a former fuck buddy that is totally down with threeways, or even being my side piece (she is also in an open relationship so there wouldn't be an imbalance, we'd be each other's side pieces).

All of a sudden my GF wants nothing to do with threeways and forbids me from fucking my friend. Pisses me the fuck off, I feel lied to. And I'm starting to think she's the stereotypical female in an open relationship: she wants to keep doors open for her but doesn't want her partner to fuck around. Bunch of shit, when this relationship ends I'm going to save myself for an actual wife type that's loyal. (Translation: I'm probably going to die alone but at least I'll retain my self respect).

You all have no idea how pissed I am finding out /pol/ is right...

>>11350836
Join the military

preferably Air Force. When you get out you can do whatever you were taught to do as a civilian and get help in anything you would have ever needed.

I'm getting along with this guy and he's super cute. I'm interested in him. I hope he's interested in me.

>>11351845
Just break up with her you dumb cuck

>>11347440
I completed everything I wanted or desired at an early age and now I don't know what the fuck to do. I considered blowing my brains out but I can never do it. Either its my family and friends, my dog, or just me being a pussy.
I got the job I wanted, the girl of my dreams, the house and town I always wished for, and now its all gone. My wife died from cancer, I lost my job as a chef because I was too depressed to cook anymore. (I loved cooking with my wife) I sold the house and everything I had to go live with my parents because I couldn't stay alone, I got paranoid and started hallucinating whenever I was left on my own.
Now I just wake up, eat, and occasionally got outside to buy alcohol and get drunk every single night possible. I traveled all over the place yet I couldn't find a single thing that made me happy or didn't remind me of my wife. I live out of my savings and I spend a good amount on just my parents and alcohol along. Not even sex feels satisfying. At this point, sex feels just like jerking off. It's been only a few years, yet it feels like a fucking eternity. I would feel slightly better if every day wasn't an endless drag. My only hope is that I get lung cancer from smoking in a few years and I can die horribly just like my wife.

My friend is going to kill himself one day and there's nothing I can do about it short of betrayal

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>>11353411
Your gonna die just like your shitty dead wife, go cry into a casserole pan faggot

I'm deeply in love with someone who doesn't love me back anymore and I only have myself to blame for being a horrible cunt and not listening to them from the start like I should have.

I hate college

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>>11352179
God, I know how that feels. My mother has gone down the rabbit hole that is conspiracy theories. She doubts my every word but she keeps bringing me to her room to watch these 100% real UFO videos or angel sightings on Youtube. She trusts them more than me.

I hope you can find some happiness outside of this situation. Some people just have issues trusting their own children, I suppose. Look after yourself first, your parent(s) raised you all this time, it would be counter-productive for her to start bringing down your progress

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>>11350847

I hate playing as Doomfist and Mercy. Like fucking hell

>>11356450
BLACKED

I hate that there's so many generals

>>11350836
iktf anon

I mean I'm smart and graduated in engineering, but I never managed to get a job in the field, so by now I'm probaby unemployable. Which makes me possibly more of a loser than you, I suppose, because my intelligence went completely and utterly to waste.

I know how fedoracore Fight Club is by now, but that line about being the middle children of history really is the perfect metaphor.

>>11352069
iktf too
>And I don't want to talk about my problems and whatever else with my friends out of fear of rejection and the usual anxiety meme of "Shut up you're just gonna be bothering them." even though I know it would help me so much in so many ways if I did.
It's one of life's ironies that the people who need to open up the most are the ones least able to do so.

Regardless, those sound like signs of clinical depression. Look ino therapy and/org self-medicating with drugs. Apparently, LSD microdosing can be very effective, and other drugs are proven to work too, like ketamine.

>>11352910
I'm glad for you, anon.

>>11351845
Nevermind all the /r9k/ and /pol/ bullshit. She's just plain being a regular selfish person. Let's be honest: if you were with a girl and had the opportunity to have all FFM you want but forbid MMF, you would, wouldn't you? Hopefully you can talk it out with her, but be prepared for a possible break-up.

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>>11358214
It's pretty fucked up. Life needs to lighten up with her sense of humor or something.

>Clinical depression
Yeah, I know. Eight years. Gettin worse.
>Therapy or drugs
Too broke and they'd just go "wow you're fucked up [individual of unknown status].", too straightedge and broke, negatives outweigh any possible positives, etc.
ket is for horses.

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my fucking house mate keeps putting her wet towels on my half dry washing while it's hanging up to dry. her logic: there's not enough room... SO PUT IT SOMEWHERE FUCKING ELSE.
I spoke to her and she was confused, today i had to wear dirty trousers because I had none that were dry AND WHEN I SAY DIRTY I MEAN INGRAINED WITH MUD AND FILTH. I was counting on my clean trousers being dry.
>so i fucking talk to her
>she is confused
>I explain
>she does the classic argumentative bithc thing and tries to change the subject, make it about me and paint herself as the victim and me as the bad guy.
>literally just asking her not to put her wet towels on my DRY washing.
i swear to god if she enters in to another one of these manipulative descents into "make it all about you and frame you as the bad guy" i will kill a bitch, proving her right. fuck.

I posted in the other vent thread about my shitty circumstance, and shit housemate aswell. this is just icing on a shit cake which i didn't need.

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you ever just want to curl up and die because nobody gives you any kind of attention? like the world would keep on turning if you weren't around?

>>11359063
The K doses needed for anti-depressant action aren't high enough to trip. And it's actually academically documented to work, just google it. The only problem is that no one knows what's the right dose, but like I said, it's below tripping point. That makes it surprisingly cheap.

And LSD microdosing is not only absurdly cheap (I'm talking some $15-20 for a year worth of treatment) but it's practically risk-free because it also uses a sub-trip dose (caveat: due to the drug war, no one knows if microdoses of any psychedelic are enough to induce schizophrenia in people with a family history of it). Oh I suppose there's risk of allergy but that's possible with literally anything you put in your body.

Check /r/microdosing, Leddit is surprisingly useful for anecdotal evidence of arcane subjects like this.

>>11361654
Yeah it's a terrible feeling. I mean objectively we all know the world will keep on turning just fine without us, whether we're a leper or a Napoleon. But I think there's this thing with modern life that really rubs it in your face, how everyone can be super-successful and you're a failure if you're not, which results in 90% of the population being needlessly neurotic.

About the need to have others' attention, I think it's more universal, not just modern. I think it's the sort of thing where you have to reach the conclusion by yourself, so to speak: that you aren't other people's perception of you. Human contact might be a necessity, but it's a psychological one, not a, let's say, existential one. If someone chooses to become a cloistered monk or something, I see no problem, because he consciously doesn't give value to other people's attention to begin with.

I can't tell the difference between 'I like this person' and 'I like that this person likes me'

if I think about it, I fucking hate most of my friends

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>tfw you get bored and start digging through logs and you see some old shit you were definitely not meant to see and it looks like some stuff is cut out and that makes it even worse because you don't know the full extent of what was going on.
Haha yep totally didn't need to know that, time to both feel like shit and be incredibly paranoid about it.
>also getting talked shit about at the same time.
>and having completely false things held against me.
>go back further out of morbid curiosity.
>getting shit for something completely out of my control.
cool, thanks.

>>11349218
There's an African (not sure where in Africa it originated) expression: Our turn to eat. Which basically describes their typical crab basket society where anyone who gets power uses it to step on others to get more shit for themselves. And from what I can tell, most of the time socialism devolved into that. I still put the blame on the totalitarian bent that most socialists groups have about them, and the idpol SJW's are travelling down the same path. They treat equality and egalitarianism as a zero sum game, where people have to be bent over a barrel in order for the lower classes to be lifted up. And they just arbitrarily decide who the lower classes are based on emotional reasoning. You see this absurdity with Trump, with him appealing to coal miners and factory workers, of all people. Those are the two stereotypical communist poster boy professions. But in SJW country they're uneducated white men, and thus on the bottom of the totem pole. Or the progressive stack, as they call it. No doubt calling it a totem pole is offensive.

But that sort of language policing and shaming tactics aimed not only at detractors, but internal dissenters is the hallmark of a totalitarian system. It creates a system of power where you always have to be on your toes to not be "anti-revolutionary", in Soviet speak. Well, the term "political correctness" did originate from socialists mocking Stalinists for slapping them on the wrist for not adhering to Stalinism.

>>11351845
Had something like this happen a few years ago.

>meet tomboyish fatty
>find out she's into BDSM too
>she's in an open relationship
>we're about to hook up for kinky sex
>"we talked about it, and we want our relationship to be exclusive now"

Fucking blue balls, man. Pisses me the fuck off. That was my best chance at getting laid in years, too. I feel my youth flowing out of me, and I've had one girlfriend. One. Granted, the sex was amazing, and I'm forever an aloof bastard for doing shit that my friends can only dream of (they think anal is the holy grail, the poor sods), but still.

I just want to fuck before my life goes completely down the shitter.

>>11365697
Care to explain further, Anon?

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>>11366643
I'd rather not air their own issues with me for them, already feel kinda scummy just for reading what was obviously never considered to possibly be seen by me.
for claritys sake it's a public chat, i'm not some super leet hackerperson or whatever the kids say these days looking through pms, i just wasn't in there before but, now i am.
Buuut, the main thing is sort of involved with my personal life and relationships.
Think envy/jealousy, primarily.
which to me gets translated to "don't do a single thing wrong ever again or else they're gonna take your s/o away from you." because i've already been through that before, regardless of whether it's correct or not.
except i didn't do anything wrong back then so, uh, fuck.

yesterday i nearly choked on all the vomit i spewed after drinking myself to sleep

>>11370735
Get help

>>11370735
Congratulations on your first time drinking.

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>>11347440
can't find anyone to enjoy these shits with

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I am practicing loomis anatomy and I can never, and I mean never get the sides of the torso right

I studied the proportions, but now I hound them when I know for a fact foreshortening and irl bodies arent always 7 heads.

I know I'll get better but im tired of practicing like shit

On the bright side theres amazing chili in the fridge im fucking up tomorrow

>>11366615
I get paranoia over this post bc everything fits, but I never have told anyone we want to be exclusive

i run purely on stress and paranoia if my lack of food intake yet normal energy levels are anything to show for it

>>11372553
Me too

I wish I wasn't so stressed

I can't get myself to do much of anything. I can't work on projects I want to do, can't even play vidya to relax

>>11350836
You sound like the perfect politician.

I've been a mercy main since season one, now that she's gonna be fun for others people are gonna start instalocking MY MERCY! It's not fair, you bashed on me for not going Ana. Now you take my mercy away from me?!
I DESERVE TO HAVE MERCY

I'm frightened by the sheer volume of human suffering in the world, trivial and grievous alike, and at the same time aware that I can't even begin to comprehend its vastness let alone do anything about it
Whenever I don't have anything else to think about I always go back to this train of thought and it makes me feel smart for a second but then I remember I'm always going to be objectively stupid because there's so much in the world that I'll never learn before I die
Also I can't actually tell anyone about this because they'll probably think I'm just being a smartass or a pessimist or some other bullshit so I'm here talking about it on /trash/ of all places

my ass hurts really bad

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>given loads of great advice from this thread
>can't remember it when i need it the most

fuck

>>11376712
kek

My mental illness hampers my happiness and leads me to an endless train of anxiety and depression.

I'm a useless meme who will go nowhere in life, and I only deluding myself thinking that there's still some magic way for me to pick myself up out of this slump and get back to "living". I don't even know what that means, cause I never thought I'd make it past 10th grade (and I almost didn't), but I'm supposed to have some long-term plan for how I want the rest of my life to go. That was 4 years ago that I was supposed to die. What the fuck am I even doing.

>>11383591
This similarly

>>11357613
Don't you have spam bots to be tending to?

>>11376712
>tfw the only compliment I've ever received from people consistently is that I have "a voice that's pleasant to listen to"

I hate what my generation has become. I refuse to call myself a millennial despite some boomer "writers" lumping me in with them because 20 years ago I was one of "today's kids" who are "good with technology".

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The profession I'm trying to get into is understaffed as all hell and works closely with clients. I've already had first-hand experience of working with 60+ people alongside 2 other co-workers (spoiler alert: It didn't go well), but that's how the job is everywhere because there aren't that many people to fill up positions, more clients by the month, and I work best at a slow pace.
I quit a year ago and am afraid to get another job like it. My co-workers and boss said I did great, and they'd hire me back at the drop of a hat, but I don't think I can do it again. I'm going to try to find somewhere else that hires but has different clientele

>>11385832
I hate this lumping-together bullshit in general. Trying to summarize a population of 7 fucking billion into these black-and-white categories so it's easier to blame them for some abstract problem that is out of our control. Don't get me started on those fucks that go, "Wow, you don't really act like an X." Like, sorry, want me to tape a phone to my face and talk in hashtags next time I see you?

I want to start fucking screaming and breaking shit. I wanna toss my night-stand down the stairs and punch a hole in the wall. I really wanna break something important. I wanna fall over and cry, too.

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My fucking power went out.
I was working on art shit.

>>11386531
What happened?

>>11385832
>>11386184
I can't believe millennials are this retarded.

Don't die so soon

My internet ran out five days ago and doesn't refresh for another two days and barely any sites will load at all and 4chan is slow as fuck.

fuuuuck

>>11364336
what is that from and what do the tallys on samus' suit correspond to?

also, dude, stop waiting for other people's permission. grant yourself permission to stop being a fuck up and start being good. fuck 'em all.

>>11366147
Dead right anon, you know your shit. saved.
I am of the same mind, just a bit too drunk and hung over to think these things as clearly. what side are people like you and me on?

>>11370735
hopefully this is a wake up call to
1- sleep on your side at the edge of your bed so your vomit goes on the floor
2- stop drinking so much

>>11361139
>housemate and I get bill for over £700 from council because they are fuck ups.
>I suggest we go to the council together this afternoon and tell them to fuck off
>tell her I will be home between 3 and 4
>she agrees and tells me the council is open untill 5:30 so we'll have plenty of time
>I get home at about 3:50
>as i usually do
>anon: "so housemate, are we going?"
>housemate:"isn't it a bit too late now?"
>anon:"When I spoke to you, you said between 3 and 4 was fine"
>housemate:"I as hoping to be there by 4"
>housemate:"I'll just write them a complaint letter"
>[murderous rage intensifies]

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>>11350836
telephone operator, janitor, warehouse stocker. Those are all jobs that need doing. They are all important to someone, and you have the skills for them all.
My job is not glamorous but I'm determined to be fucking good at it. I'm not the best but I can do it well enough that my boss wants to keep me on, that's all you gotta do my friend, there is hope :)

Shotafication is not a thing.

>TFW you will never read a story about a secret frat whose members can turn into shotas at will

>>11391223
Absolutely nothing, as per usual.

>>11394288
Kill yourself pedo

i fucking hate losing at video games they make me want to kill myslef and i know it's irrational but FUCK

>>11395277
Single player or multi player games?

>>11396099
Both but especially multi

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I wish I could have some real, raw feelings and be a real human instead of having my emotional landscape made up of fictional events and social expectations. I especially despise all this post-sincerity shit I get bombarded and brain washed with fuck irony fuck IRONYYYYYY

>>11347440
Our president wants to push an anti-free speech law in Chile and I'm fucking afraid

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>>11350815
2pac?

>>11372398
I enjoy them. Post steam id if you have one.

>>11394153
I think I might look into this, I'd honestly be really happy if got any type of job and was just useful to at least one person.

>>11394153
>telephone operator
I'm not the guy you responded to but those jobs still exist? What is the pay and how do I apply?

>>11397001
Or were you just referring to a call center job?

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I can't stop snorting fentanyl and I'm already on a one year probation. I managed to get clean for 3 months and then fell victim to it again last week.

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I'm the skinny anon with body dysmorphia from the last thread (BMI of 15-16) and I want to transition gender. Today I heard about "fat transfer" which sounds like it would be really beneficial to how I want to see myself. Trouble is I don't have any fat to spare, getting some would be really fucking hard, and I can't have someone else's fat because my body will reject it.
I want to kill myself. Seems like the only rational thing to do at the moment.

>>11396354
I kinda expected multi. There's always extra pressure from having other people.
Maybe research some games where losses have minimal impact on the game (like most games in the Kirby series)?

>>11399121
>getting some would be hard
Sit on ass and eat a shit load of mcdicks everyday all day.

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>>11399562
>tfw picky eater

>>11400540
Picky eater eh? How about you PICK a fatty food you like and eat that shit 24/7?

>>11399121
You should try a bullet transfer instead

>>11400854
bumpo

I get anxious when sending e-mails even for the most trivial things, and it really fucking pisses me off when I don't even get a reply.

Inever succeed at things so I've started failingg purpose as a way of succeeding at something

>>11394344
Are you schizophernic?

>>11404059
No? Why'd you think that?

>>11347440
i wish i could stop craving attention

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>>11347440
>Be me
>25
>Chasing an associates in Computer Repair and working full time at a phone/tablet repair job, about to become assistant manager
>Farthest I've ever gotten in life
>but
>Feel like I suck ass at my job
>Forget the simplest shit, not very good at the Sales portion of the job (Gotta hock retail accessories and package deals)
>Occasionally fuck up
>Pretty sure my coworkers see me as a neurotic fucking mess cause I can get pissed over simple shit I know I should be avoiding by now (not damaging cables, been over the process hundreds of times)
>Make excuses not to have to work on tablets sometimes because jesus fuck so much complicated bullshit
>feel stupid by comparison
>Only real talent I have right now
>Don't really comprehend electronics at the board level and can't wrap head around house wiring and electrical engineering
>Computers and electronics are all I know, but at a consumer level
>Don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done with my associates
>On top of that
>Still living with mom
>Paying half of rent and bills
>Make modest living, but ultimately feel like I still haven't gone anywhere since moving to where I am now 3 years ago

Tl;dr Jesus fucking christ what is going on with my life why do I suck

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How the holy hell do you talk to people about sensitive subjects?
I need to talk to a couple people about some shit going on but like, how the fuck? How do you even begin to do this?

also completely unrelated but my bed is making hellacious sounds and doing weird thumpy creaky shit and i feel like i'm going to have a spring in my gut when i wake up.

>>11404561

>>11406865
Rehearse it in your head

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>>11407434
Yeah that only gets you so far when you have no idea how either of them will react.
And the social skills of a moldy pickle.
And anxiety/whofuckingknowswhat problems bad enough to make you black out and drop your heart rate to basically nothing multiple times.
And everything always comes back to being alone, disowned, and face down in a ditch on the side of the interstate, even though it's unlikely it would come to that for either of them, but I've been made to expect the worst out of life, and this is certainly something that would actually qualify for that level of shit for once instead of just rampant baseless paranoia like it usually is.

>>11404904
two things: eklectronic engineering is fucking complicated as shit, I know, I studied to be an electronic engineer. so don't feel bad about that.
Secondly, when you move out and get independant you feel better. I would have lived with my mum untill I was 25, 26, who the fuck knows? but something came along i wasn't expecting. just find a cheap room in a decent part of town, they exist, it's great having your own space :)

>>11399121
no offence but stop being such a pussy and ram things down your throat regardless of weather you like them or not, the luxury of being able to be a picky eater ... i wish i had that.

>>11396989
dude yeah, when i was a kid i did "work experience" as a janitor ... i kinda fucking loved it because i was achieving something real for a change. I work in a similar area now, sometimes I fuck up (like creating a massive plumbing leak on my first week, how did i not get fired!?!?!) but sometimes I can look back at my work and be like "yeah, I fucking did that and it's good!". it's a super not nice job sometimes but I just fucking do it and get a pay check, and i wouldn't be getting them if i wasn't fullfilling the requirements of my job goals. very ok.
>>11397035
oh yeah i ment call center, but in a big office you have some guys who just work on the phones, it's not exactly call centre stuff (do you have PPI?) but receiving and directing calls to the right people.

>>11408115
>eklectronic engineering
Kek, I'll call my major eclectical engineering now.

>>11408115
Ayyy lmao eclectical engineers assemble.

But seriously. I would have moved out already if it weren't for the fact my mom doesn't make enough to be able to be by herself, and pretty much needs a second income. I'm sure there's something fucky about that, but no one else in the family jumped to help and I felt like the responsibility went to me.

Now I don't know when i'm gonna get the opportunity to leave. feels shitty, man. I wanna be my own person and move on with my life.

>>11393376
It refreshes tomorrow but it's my birthday so I'll be busy so it won't b working right now when I want to use it RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>11393376
That sucks

my dog is coughing from heart problems probably. hearing to her cough violently every once in a while when me and her are the only ones alone stopped me from drawing and I broke down crying knowing she's going to die someday and is slowing down

i actually just want to kill myself when she goes. life is so fucking confusing and im just an ant on the universe anyway so what's the big point of it all if im just going to work for 50 years until I die.

my mom is going to die someday
my grandparents are going to die

for years I thought I wasnt afriad of death but its just my own.
why is life so rough lads

>>11410657
Dude nihilism lmao

>>11393966
Thanks, bro. The thing with politics is that there are essentially as many sides as there are people. One of the big victories of modern identity politics is that they have succeeded in making people regard political preference as a core identity. I suppose it stems from the 60's and 70's, when getting people to care buckets about political issues galvanized a lot of effort in getting social change to be accepted.

I just call myself a classical liberal most of the time. My dislike for political systems usually falls along lines of how much they want to enforce arbitrary moral codes. It's a bit of an open title, because American liberals are closer to social democrats, and European liberals are typically economically liberal. Which means they're capitalist stereotypes who neglect to mention that what's good for "the economy" isn't automatically good for your personal economy.

>>11409873
happy birthday

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>>11406865
>>11407894
Okay, since I've actually slept now, time to quit being an idiot.
I need to come out to a couple people about some tumblr shit I have going on.
One so I can get some peace of fucking mind, approval, advice, all that nice shit.
The other so I can actually get on with it and get some fucking money rolling into it.
I don't have the slightest idea of how to do this with either of them, especially the latter, who still doesn't even know I'm gay. If it even still is gay anymore. I don't know, this shit is so fucking confusing and I completely understand why most people hate all this queer shit.

i let a dude shit on me and then he broke up with me. i think this is the lowest i could possibly go. should probably kms at this point. and i dont mean metaphorically shit on me. i mean pooped on my chest.

>>11414357
On the flipside, you can only go up from there.

>making conversation with work crush
>gave him some chocolates, nothing fancy
>said i was a legend, and that he owed me one
I've got butterflies. It's happening.

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>>11414357
Sounds like you really need to get some shit off your chest

heck

>>11414357
Holy macaroni my man.

So my old friends are all doing career and dating stuff so seriously now that I barely see them, that's been going on for ages.

But more recently, I got an 'online bf' sort of thing. Play videogames, watch shit, hang out, erp and other lewd stuff. It felt great to make a new friend for the first time in ages and I was really enjoying it. Then for the last few months he's been talking to me less and less often, says he's busy and stuff. Still just as nice and fun as usual, but way rarer. And every time we hang out it always moves to the erp and lewd shit almost immediately.

So then I end up finding out that he has another online friend that he hangs out with and does erp with. According to the person that told me, i'm just getting used as a quick nut when my friend is in a hurry and his other friend isn't around.

Getting digitally cucked feels like shit. Hell, it's not even really being cucked, just getting used like a cheap sex toy as a last resort.

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It took me 3 years to get a fulltime job in my chosen field. It lasted 1.5 years but the boss stopped paying us so I had to leave. Now I can't find a new job in this field even though I've had interviews based on my experience/ resume.

I feel like it's because I'm not that good at it despite all my training, practice, experience. I keep thinking of studying something completely new because I'll never have a stable life in this industry, I just can't get consistent work.

What the fuck do I even do.

>>11421249
Are you in some kind of art field?

>>11421611
yeah. My first year of college was overloaded, so I literally wasn't going to survive in that "normal" field. I posted in the last vent thread too so sorry if it sounds familiar. I just can't stop venting.

Self-loathing does nothing. Self-pity does nothing. Self-indulgence does nothing. Attempting to remove any kind of agency from yourself, blaming others, circumstances, your own, disassociated mind does nothing. In fact, the only thing that appears to do anything is painfully pushing through with what needs to be done when it needs to be done, even if there is no enthusiasm or drive to do so. Emotions and impulses really do cloud up my train of thought, as does pointless dreaming of an unrealistic successful future, a future I know isn't possible without self-restructuring. I don't feel depression, just a never-ending disappointed disgust in my actions, indulging when I shouldn't, distracting myself when I know what is needed of me to ultimately accomplish my goal.

My biggest problem comes from the lack of order or focus. I was diagnosed with ADHD twice in my life, but my parents refused any medication as to not make me dependent on any substance, something I believe was a good choice. But the repercussions of this are quite evident in the person I am-- I don't resent it to be clear. I've always had a knack for how things worked, how the world is and how it functioned to be clear about my thought process there, nothing too focused or technical like the deep, hard sciences or maths. To be clear, I'm not necessarily smart, nor do I consider knowing miscellaneous trivia to being smart, but I was always seen as the "smart one," despite my utter laziness and lack of attention on the academics. Not really a special case, many people like this. Just setting up a background here.

I'm a wreck at time-management currently, I let my impulses reign free in-between the few daily disciplined events I have only halting it when something piques my interest. I've tried to blame it on technology-- my addiction to the internet and a constant steam of information-- or reading the news and getting worked up about things that don't impact me in the slightest or listening to music even.

>>11421249
>I keep thinking of studying something completely new because I'll never have a stable life in this industry
well maybe that's a sensible decision

tell me what the field is exactly, and what other interests do you have? You said its art related, so maybe you could find a day job you reasonably enjoy and do art as a hobby.

I work as an EMT, ever considered doing that?

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>stroking my cock to some hot lesbian furry porn
>mind starts wandering about gay people
>imagine David Furnish licking Elton John's asshole
>go soft

>>11421947
But it isn't anything material that is to blame, I know. Just another failed psychological attempt at defining the evil, which in actuality is my compulsion to do any of these things. In my experience, hiding technology, preventing myself from accessing any of these things even when I still crave for them does not appear to aid in stopping the waste of time. I haven't made any logical decision to not use them, so in my mind, there is still a vacant spot for wasting time that must be filled regardless. What actually needs to be done is knowingly shrinking this psychological hole by pre-occupying myself with something far more useful. Though I've also found that actually doing what needs to be done, despite how the Id screams and wails, can only be truly overcome when a clear path and ideal is set. Without a clear endgoal sprinkled with some idealism, doing any of these over-thought required tasks whether it be simply asking a question or doing paperwork becomes a pain.

My mind, because it just skips from different subjects at will, is just an absolute chaos with no sense of true priority. I could be thinking about something far too important, and then suddenly I think of a song, then along comes an old idea or concept I've preoccupied myself with, an entire world unwritten and stuck in my head, then memories of funny videos and odd, stressing events and pornography and cute anime girls and quite soon my mind is a fast, multicolored soupy hell of endlessly replaying thoughts and sounds and ideas that acts seemingly autonomously from my conscience, and by that time, the important issue has vanished into the background, despite conscience being painfully aware of the issue. It's considering my mind a fragmented being of two autonomies that I've found to be very dangerous. Never separate the Ego and the Id.

I've tried multiple mental experiments in the past in order to discover some way to create at least some sort of semblance of order in my life.

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>>11422168
Through various experiments, with religion, opposing lifestyles, ways of comprehending the mind, definition, and idealism, I've come to the conclusion that nothing complicated or ritualistic helps. Rituals are hollow discipline that makes you a slave the everyday. Discipline is only meaningful when you see the meaning for them, whether it be working out, cleaning up, fixing something up, doing personal hygiene, practicing your craft or talent, or praying. Even despite knowing this, I am still in a tangle between rituals and meaningful discipline, my weak mental capacity allowing impulse to take helm when ever a certain ritual-commencing even takes place. These aren't rituals in the sense of OCD, but impulsive rituals, like eating vaguely around a certain time of the day. They aren't hard to break on the daily, but I still trick myself into faltering to them with the simplest of pleas of all addicts: "Just once."

I am a mess of a person, believing I am both destined to be better than most, if not all, but not taking any steps to doing so and being aware of that fact. Many people are like this, I'd imagine. The only thing that can help is the most cliched motivators, dispensed everywhere: Never give up. It's been perpetuated so to the point that it only registers as hollow words and white noise, but it isn't a fact to be ignored. Keeping this ideal of a person of who I need to be and continuing to believe I a progressing slowly toward it in the small steps I take is the only thing that keeps me sane. I could have been the biggest goddamn degenerate out there, probably believing I'm some 'cute' homo trap if my Id is anything to go off of. I need a hard, immobile, eternal standard, and if and how I uphold it determines if I succeed or fall.

Now writing this, this doesn't change anything, I'm still in the current dilemma I was before, I'm still past deadline, just wanted others to make what they could of my little blogpost.

>>11421993
animator, most recently for vidya, in a major city with almost no vidya industry. one option I've been lukewarm on pursuing is picking up python to do tool/ rig work. I could stay in the industry and already have experience to show. Don't have that in anything else. Downside is that I'd have to study for a while, then have enough experience to handle the real job.

I have actually considered EMT. I've always been one to be fascinated by my own injuries and stuff. I can handle nasty pictures, but I've never been in a real life nasty situation. Never had to clean up someone else's poop. Sensitive nose. Tiny bladder, so I'd have to make a lot of stops and hope I don't get tied up in something big.

How much training did you have to do, and how's the pay? Do you like it as a longterm thing, or do you constantly think about getting out and doing something else?

>>11422830
>How much training did you have to do,
depends on the state, but here in NY it was only a 3 month class, 2-3 nights a week. I did it while I was working as a security guard. I'd say its roughly the course load of an upper level college class. If you don't do the readings and study for the exams you will fail, but if you do the work you will pass.

>and how's the pay?
unfortunately that's my major complaint with the job, it doesn't pay well. I work outside of NYC and after 2 years I'm making $16.30/hr, though it would be a bit over $20 if I was working in the city proper. Since its a 24 hour operation though overtime is always plentiful if you want it. I live with my parents so I'm able to save a lot of money, but it can be tough to live comfortably otherwise. But it is steady pay.

>Do you like it as a longterm thing, or do you constantly think about getting out and doing something else?
well with EMS frankly your options are move up or move out, I enjoy the emergency services aspect of it, feeling like I'm actually working a job where I'm helping people, making a real difference. But the medical aspect itself isn't as interesting to me, so I don't have much interest in being a paramedic, which is another year of school and you do make a bit more money.

I'm doing this while I'm finishing up my BA in history, though as to what I'm going to do with that I couldn't tell you, my real goal is to become a Foreign Service Officer for the state department, so at least it'll put me back on that path.

I graduated high school in 2007, in the 10 years since then I've worked over a dozen different jobs and hated them all except for this one. Its the first time I've ever had a job that actually had a degree of prestige to it. When people ask me what I do and I tell them that I'm an EMT people actually respect me for it, that's a rather nice feeling. Obviously it has its down sides, just like any job, but frankly I do enjoy it greatly. Ask me anything else

That was quite the read

>>11424076
which one?

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>>11424322

ugh

>can't stop leaving deep scratches in my arms
i'm so ugly

>>11422937
Damn, thanks for the info. I'm in Chicago where apparently EMT pay tends to be around $24/h. I probably won't end up doing it because even 3 months is too late for my financial situation. Plus major depression makes everything about 40x more difficult than it should be. I've also briefly considered being a security guard, maybe I'll just follow your path to the T, ha.

I finished high school in 2006, did 7 years of college right after that, then lived with my parents for a few years. Of course our generation was constantly told that college is a direct path to success. So that's where I fall extra deep into depression - I've already worked my ass off, did everything "right", and I still end up here, NEET, except with insurmountable debt.

But it sounds like your situation is still a hopeful one with real prospects. Good luck, trashbro.

I didnt win a single match in video games for my 3 hour session. Should I stab myself?

No hmofa general. My life has no meaning now.

>>11429893
Same but my shitty Internet connection kept kicking me out of comp matches
Punks on my team probably reporting me despite me telling them what was wrong

>>11349218
I appreciate your moderate and clear eyed view. But as you said, you can make the best plans but can't control the situations that will arise. I can't think of any system of government which successfully planned around human nature.

Inevitably, a few rise to the top by any means and many at the bottom suffer. The political or economic scheme doesn't matter that much. Except the ones that allow for more freedom at least give an opportunity for justice. Perhaps a delay of the inevitable. The more power is centralized, the easier it is to seize.

Even soft power like the victim propaganda and bullying proselytizing of the SJWs on social and conventional media. Imagine if they couldn't so easily control the discourse and had to print up pamphlets and make speeches in the town square. I very much doubt they would have so easily conquered the left. That's a matter of technology of course, but the principal is the same.

Socialism seems lovely on paper, but the human instinct is always to make, follow, and (for some) climb a hierarchy to take power and status. This instinct can't be engineered out of a human society.

>be me
>fat
>According to my doctor my metabolism is actually pretty good and I could lose weight easily if I just exercised and dieted a bit
>tfw literally too lazy to get on a treadmill for 30 minutes a day
>tfw all of my problems are self inflicted

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>free wifi in the subway stations now, nice
>been to at least 3 that are banned for 4chan because people use public wifi to shitpost aggressively

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>problem with oil and coal pollution and scarcity
>"How about we switch to natural gas and nuclear, which is arguably cleaner and more efficient than petroleum and coal?
>"noo, muh poor miners in appalachia and muh gas prices"
>"noo, anything that isn't wind and solar is satanic nazism"

I hate you all

>>11435467
What world are you living in

>>11428632
being a security guard sucks, I truly hated it

The quality of the work depends a lot on where you get posted, but for the most part you're getting paid to literally do nothing. That might sound nice but it gets old very quickly, and the kind of people you work with are often those so lacking in ambition that they see a job where you get paid to do nothing as the perfect career. I met some nice people just trying to get by and help their families, but for the most part the people I worked with were true human garbage, the exact opposite of our best and brightest. It beats working as a cashier or in fast food or something, but that's about it. The only good thing was that in all the down time I had I was able to easily study for my EMT exams.

But anyway a job's a job so here's my advice if you want to go down this road. What I did was go to a security guard school to get licensed, it was only like a 3 day class. Then I went to the two security companies in my home town (securitas and US security) and applied for jobs. Even though I didn't have any security experience, I was able to spin some of my previous experience saying I had hospitality and customer service experience, and I had a job offer from both by the end of the week. The pay was even worse than what I'm making as an EMT now though. If you want to make a career out of it you'll need to get an armed guard license since they get paid considerably more. But it is an investment of time and money to get the license. Its particularly bad here in NY because its such an antigun state so its hard to get the cc license, but it might be different in IL who knows.

>>11435467
what are you on about, LNG is booming

you are right about nuclear though, there are real risks involved that cannot be ignored, but overall it has to be a central part of any plan to reduce fossil fuel use without drastically curtailing consumption

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>>11435635
Haha Chicago until a few years ago had a total handgun ban until it was ruled unconstitutional. I think I heard they issued about 1-2 cc permits per year, and even people who had been battered, robbed or raped weren't considered to meet the 'need'. Murders are so bad here, and that notorious hardline stance on guns didn't help one bit.

now that you mention it, I've heard similar stories about the kind of people working security. and that they were racist against white people all up the chain at securitas.

>>11435467
I always loved nuclear power - clean, safe, relatively little waste. Bullshit fearmongering went way too far. Instead of 40 years of advancement (better designs, standardization, faster deployment, cheaper, cleaner, safer, smaller) we had Westinghouse sold to the Japanese and then go bankrupt, and the only organization in the US still building reactors is pretty much the Navy. GE isn't doing that much in the US as far as I know.

And then we finally get close to a permanent storage facility for waste - the one big consistent argument not based on fear of accidents - and after the thing is built Obama decides that Yucca Mountain can't be used. A permanent storage facility would end up a fuel reserve, and as tech progressed we'd cut the amount of waste stored down to almost nothing. Fuck idiots who find it in 50,000 and don't understand radiation. What happened when we discovered natural radioactive material? Nobody babied us.

Solar and wind are awesome, but they're not where they need to be to handle the baseload. With consistent investment and continual advancement of battery technology (a high capacity aluminum battery would be the holy grail because cheap), those two sources could potentially be phased in over the next 50 years. But it would have to happen at a rate = to new energy needs + capacity lost from end-of-service-life plants, something that would take commitment and not just "durr hurr natty gas is cheap let's build more."

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God I feel like absolute dogshit why the fuck did I agree to mcdonalds I feel like I'm gonna hurl any moment my head is fucking killing me I can't stay out of the bathroom this never used to happen what the fuck whyyyy

Every time I feel a little sleepy I fill up with anxiety about shit in my life I normally don't give a shit about. Like right now.

The fuck is happening to me my dudes?

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>>11439455
That's how you know it's time to go to sleep. Your brain will process all that shit while you're sleeping.

I think this happens to me because I'm severely depressed and feel like every day is wasted, so when I know the day is ending and I've done nothing, it makes me start to feel a lot worse.

>>11438469
>and that they were racist against white people all up the chain at securitas.
I'm white, that wasn't at all my experience with them. Securitas is actually the largest security company in the world, its an insanely huge organization that's in something like 80 different countries. I do remember whenever I had to go into the office to meet someone they often made me wait an insultingly long amount of time in the lobby before they called me in, though I saw them do that to other people as well so I know it wasn't anything personal.

My first posting was at a research lab for the Philips company, which was actually bizarrely enough the birth place of the cd-i. That was a very cushy job since the building cleared out at night so I was mostly left alone, but I got there right as they were selling the building and relocating to Boston, so it only lasted 3 months.

After that I was placed at a sugar refinery. I had earlier been going to college at a maritime academy, but dropped out. Despite that though I had all these merchant mariner credentials, and that actually helped. This refinery had a dock where they brought in raw sugar, so that technically made it a maritime facility and under the coast guard's jurisidiction. You need special security credentials to work at a maritime facility, which I already had so they didn't have to pay to get them for me. Funny how this stuff works out. At that site I was mostly at the gate where the trucks came in and out. When they came in I had to check their drivers licenses, check if they were there at the right time, and enter them into the system. Coming out I had to check that all the seals on the trucks matched the bills of lading, in addition to normal security duties. On the weekends they also had me patrolling the facility while others manned the gate (for the maybe 6 trucks that would come all night), very boring stuff. But again lots of down time to study.

couldnt OHP lmao1plaet for 5 reps could only get to 3

>>11439800
so part of why I took the EMT class was to see myself if I was ready to go back to school, since it's basically the same as a college level class

I passed the EMT school, but then was like fuck I'm not ready to go back to college. So I was continuing to work as a guard for a few weeks after getting my EMT cert. I worked overnights, and remember one saturday at like 3am I was sitting in the guard trailer (since on the weekends I was the supervisor, hence why I got to patrol and chill in a trailer instead of manning the gate) just playing a game on my laptop between patrols when the woman who was the supervisor during the day shift in the week walks in unannounced and for no particular reason on a day and shift she wasn't working and says "you're not allowed to have electronics, I'm writing you up" and sure enough she did. After that I said why the fuck am I still a security guard and applied with the local EMS company. God what a bitch, who the fuck does that.

About 4 months later I actually responded to her apartment for a 911, her mother was having a hypertensive emergency. When she saw me she said HEY ANON HOW'S IT GOING, but I didn't remember her at all and thought "ok this woman knows me, who the fuck is she?" Eventually I figured it out though, she mentioned that about a month after I left there had been a major security breach and most of the guards were fired, though I didn't press her for details.

Anyway be prepared for people like that if you go into security, as I said human garbage.

>went to College orientation on Saturday
> was told that everyone was going to have summer classes on Monday
>2 classes form 8 am to 4 pm Monday to Friday
> Some language arts class and advance algebra class
>did shit on in language arts but excels in math
> forgot to turn in something that let the collage know I'm here
>last day of summer school the group of students where in a dance hall with chairs learning about microagressions
>Don't care even though I'm Hispanic
> forgot when semester started but I don't care
> stopped going to collage basically
> hardly did shit for the
>during the time I was in Summer school my dad was teaching me how to drive. I was doing good until one day I crash into a pole (small crash, just dented the car, and no injuries)
> never practice driving since then
>wasted 1 year of my life at home, just watching random YT videos of random shit
> now my whole want me to go back to school or get a job
> I hadn't done either of these because I have no communication skills nor confidence
> each day my family getting more hostile toward me
> don't know what to do in my life :/

>>11439690
>That's how you know it's time to go to sleep.
Good advice, I'll remember that

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Nobody talks to me anymore.
Not even my best friend.
We haven't spoken much in the last couple months.
I feel really shitty about it because I could just, talk to them myself, but I feel like I bother people when I do that, among other things.
And I really need to talk to them about what's going on with me and my life and shit but I just can't bring myself to message them let alone actually bring all that up on my own.
And I'm not getting any outside help from threads here or anything anymore either.
Not like I haven't been trying to get some either.
Just, fuck.

>>11438469
The fear of nuclear power is frustrating. Especially because a lot of people can get exactly what they want: Plentiful, environmentally friendly power. Storage isn't as big of an issue as people make it out to be, either. Especially America has plenty of places to store that stuff. And while I live in a small European country, we regularly perform feats of engineering that make it obvious that just building a big conrete bunker somewhere would be peanuts.

The argument that we need to look out for hunter-gatherer barbarians millennia from now after civilization has collapsed is pure nonsense, and indicative of the dogged attitude people have against nuclear power. It's an appeal to emotion, nothing more. Most of our country is below sea level and protected by dykes and levies. Our land needs to be pumped dry constantly. You don't hear anyone claim that's a bad thing because potential future people might not understand water management.

It seems insane that we have this amazing technology, and just let it turn to dust and the knowledge disappear, because some people have some unwarranted fears. Meltdowns are extremely rare, and often can be traced back to someone being an idiot. The Japs have a really shitty safety record altogether, and their most lethal nuclear accident was still one with a ruptured steam pipe and no radiation release. I mean, the country that came up with the word "tsunami" built a power station on the beach, yet all the fearmongerers use it as an example of why nuclear power is bad.

Not to mention that the type of plant we use the most was built because the waste can be used in nuclear weapons.

Oh, and what really gets me is that these types usually do a complete 180 when it's about Iran. Suddenly nuclear power is OK! That makes me think a lot of them are these self-flagellating types who are simply convinced that the West needs to be punished, somehow.

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I had a good day today. I hope your days are good too.

>>11443417
Thank you cute duckling

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>>11441118
dude just go and ask them if you can speak with them because you;re down, if they're your friends they will, just like maybe ask if they're busy what thier plans are, how they are today, to see if they're in the right place to speak about heavy shit.

instead of feeling bad for burdening other people with your problems, don't apologise, instead, say thankyou. thankyou for listening, thankyou instead of sorry. makes them feel good like they're a fuckin saint or some shit

>>11432791
just walk outside, it's like a treadmill but free.

>>11432791
walk around your neighborhood for an hour each day

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>>11444989
I guess that's a good start, but uh, it's kinda like, hell, I don't know, not really such a heavy thing as just like, weird to digest.
And I kind of want to keep them around, you know? And it's one of those things that like, has the possibility of making the opposite happen.
Then again, fuckin, as far as I know they've probably gone through this whole song and dance once before with someone else and they're still friends so, guess I'll just fuckin drop it and see how it goes.
really love how much of a fuss i make about shit and then just a little nudge sets me in motion to get the hell over it. cool brain.
And uh, that's good advice, like, really good.
Thanks, anon.

>>11441467
>type of plant we use the most was built because the waste can be used in nuclear weapons.

And the most important example used in arguments was fucking deliberately built without a containment shell so the plant could be used to make Soviet nukes too.

Three Mile Island went awry because some dude burned a bunch of insulation by using a lighter instead of a flashlight.

The same self-flagellators are the ones who fell for that idiotic solar roadway shit. There is exactly zero reason why the US would need to overlap roadways and power generation. Even a platform covered in solar panels 20 feet above every road makes 100x more sense.

If there were any other euphemism for nuclear power, they'd fall for that too. Let's cover all US roadways with warm glowing feelings rocks and attach boilers to the bottoms of all new cars - we'd generate power with nothing but the cars we use anyway and harmless everyday water!

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>>11439895
Sounds like BS, just like most jobs.

Did you get any spoopy stories out of it? Anyone tell you about the time aliens tried to get into a warehouse or something?

>>11349218
It's the whole thing with Atheism and Atheism+, authoritarian neoliberal fuckwits decided to try and introduce a caste system to what was better off without it so they can feel superior to someone else with as little effort as possible, cause that's a shitty part of human behavior, the need to one up others. They feed on it and it causes others to suffer greatly, and causes whatever group they join to self cannibalize. It's also not just the left this demographic's done it to either, it's happened to the bohos, hippies, neo nazis, christians, furries, trekkies, it's basically fanatics and shitty people being fanatics and shitty people without understanding the actual messages and nuances of whatever group they latch on to. I hate it.

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I'm quite sick of life, I've honestly no real reason to continue but at the same time primal survival instinct makes it impossible to self terminate, but a short list of bullshit that's been going on.

Dad was terminally ill, fucked up my entire college education because when I wasn't at class he was trying to coax me to drop out, stop looking for work, and take care of him full time. Got expelled because of some private school administration loopholes 3.5 years into 4 year degree regarding pass/attempt ratio including classes that were withdrawn from that they encouraged us to sign up for and withdraw from. Struggled to find work because I had no portfolio from taking care of dying father. Backslid from middle class to just about homeless and still on the verge of having to live out of a beater of a truck. Left home and mom got roommate who doesn't fucking pay rent. Computer died and hard drive failed literally the week after my external backup hard drive failed, had to save up for a new one. Main source of income in new place died a few weeks into job, her files weren't handed over to anyone else at the firm so basically lost that job. Mom's now super ill and straddling the fence between being potentially gravely ill.

>>11446643
Went home to help mom sell her house and car and she was hospitalized the day I got there, her car broke down, and had to deal with emotional stress of staying in house I grew up in alone and with almost no furniture and also the surprise of a bullet hole in the ceiling of my old room where mom's roommate's boyfriend blew his brains out with a .357, which made it pretty hard to sell the goddamn house. Had to work with realtor and also had to get mom's car fixed cause she was still planning to sell it, and every week was told I need to stay longer until what was going to be a 1 week trip that I had mistakenly spoiled myself on with takeout suddenly became 6 weeks and a nearly empty bank account from stress eating. No indication or word from work that I still had a job when I got back so panicking about finding a job. Only thing that was staving off crippling depression was the anticipation of getting a job I love, and even doing job I love that was now at risk of not having, I hate working so much if someone offered to blow my brains out instead I probably would take that. Old job lets me know I still have a job but only about 4 hours a week with absolutely outrageous commutes, so I have to look for a new job that somehow works with needing to work around awful traffic that can replace this one I'm contractually bound to still for another 10 weeks or so. Every morning I wake up is a shitty one and I pray every night for fusion bomb hellfire to wipe out the entire globe.

knock knock it's kn- crippling depression

>>11447654
Fuck

>>11347440
For my whole life, people have only ever told me I'm useless. As a teenager, I pretty much kept to myself. I did well academically, but I didn't do much beyond that. I thought maybe people would stop telling me I'm worthless once I got out of high school and started studying something useful in college, but their assessments didn't change. So I moved away from home, got a job, and started living on my own. I continued to do well academically, worked diligently, and became more or less self-sufficient. I almost finished my degree and even got accepted into the grad program I was interested in, but everyone still called me worthless and told me the world would be better if I just killed myself.

So I tried to do it. I tried to take everyone's advice and kill myself, partly because it was the right thing to do, and partly out of spite. I failed, and since then I haven't really cared as much what people think. I've realized that no matter what I do in life, people will always hate me and look down on me and think of me as a worthless burden. But every once in a while, the fact that I'll apparently always be a useless piece of shit just hits me, and I feel ashamed of myself for being the way I am, and I feel angry at everyone else for their rejection and scorn.

Sometimes, these feelings are crippling. Knowing that I'll never be good enough for anyone makes it hard to stay motivated to do anything. But in a way, they're the best motivator of all. The satisfaction of being able to rise to success in a field most people would find difficult sounds amazing. Being able to look down on all the people who look down on me and say, "Fuck you people. A worthless failure achieved more than you ever will, and he did it himself." As much as I love the field I'm going into, if I do ultimately succeed, I think it's going to be out of spite.

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I suck at being a perfectionist, make-everyone-happy yes-man. My bottled anger snaps at what the other person perceives as the littlest slight, not the months of their bullshit I had kept taped up until that very moment. I have become a very angry, silent person. I don't want to be.
Which is hypocritical, seeing as I digest every "I hate X" thread on 4chan like a teenager reading gossip, thus fueling my anger even more. Maybe I just like it, deep down? I dunno

toot toot sonic warrior

>>11441467
how does it feel to know that climate change is going to wipe your country off the face of the earth?

doot doot blonic something

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Well, I didn't do the thing.
Maybe tomorrow.
Gotta run myself through some water and bust out the razor, that'll get me in a good mood.

why the fuck is trash so fast at like 1-2am.

>>11455233
People start posting porn during that time?

I wish every general was wiped off /trash/

Stress

>>11446029
Solar roadways are a perfect example of people believing what they want to believe. That technology is nowhere near large-scale adoption. In fact, the only extant example is a small stretch of bicycle path. The fact that people today see it as any more than an interesting technology demonstrations is ludicrous. Then again, so is the general idea of powering a nation with solar and wind exclusively. My faith in that idea isn't helped by a forerunner being Germany, given how Germany seems more interested in the political cachet a statement or idea will give than the practical application.

Oh, and guess what? Germany is phasing out nuclear power completely, because people are EXACTLY retarded enough to believe solar and wind can step in for an independent high energy form of generating power. And mark my words, the lower and middle classes are going to get fucked hard by this upper class idealism.

When I was in college, I did a paper on nuclear accidents and their causes. The course was called Human Error. We also looked at the oil industry. One Deepwater Horizon outdoes a number of nuclear disasters, which aren't all that common. And often you can identify accelerating factors, like them happening in dilapidated (ex) Soviet countries, or in Japan with its notorious safety record. An attitude which also lead to a train crashing into an apartment building because the conductor was two minutes late. Which also outdoes severla nuclear disasters in death toll.

Even the spiel about environmental damage is largely horseshit. Animals don't have hospitals, so the sick ones die without reproducing. Nature around Chernobyl got a lot better after the disaster, because there were no more people. Yeah, turns out human habitation is a lot worse for nature than a nuclear detonation. Of course, that's another pet peeve of mine with these same people, because they constantly want to pump world population while lamenting the loss of the natural world at the same time.

>>11457513
so much for having faith in "solar freakin roadways"

>>11457780
Plus they're a nightmare in Mario Kart

Yawn

>>11347440
more anger!

>>11433804
similar story if you use a phone network, apparantly i was banned for 4 days for posting in /jp/

It's annoying how different English pronunciation is compared to most other western languages.

An Italian won't embarrass himself reading out English place names, and a German has no trouble doing the same in France, but English speakers are apparently so ignorant that all names have to be simplified for them.

Aristotélēs becomes Aristotle
Köln becomes Cologne
Göteborg becomes Gothenburg (sounds like something from a damn comic book)

Oh, and don't forget all the things they just mispronounce 100% of the time, like the war in "Eye-rack" , "Eyy-dolf" Hitler, or Super "Marry-oh"

>>11459567
Accents.

Anyone who says Mary-oh deserves death by burning oil bath though.

>>11459567
Cologne is a French name, though. A lot of European cities have different names in different language, due to history and stuff. It's Keulen in Dutch.

It's the same for Liège, which is French. It's Luik in Dutch, and Lüttich in German. it seems to me English speaking people have less trouble pronouncing French names, probably owing to "g" sounds being roughly similar in both languages.

But the Anglicising of classical names is annoying. You're not telling me an English speaker can't pronounce something like Virgilius or Ovidius. Then again, localizing names was also pretty common.

shit

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My Steam account is friends only, but to have artwork on your profile page that artwork needs to be public. So for the past 3 months every single picture I post some guy named Alein or something likes it and tries to add me.

He still fucking does it even after I've ignored the requests for months, like get a hint for Christ sake.

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So let's see, everyone I want to commission tends to fall into one of these groups-
>Has slots filled in microseconds
>Is closed indefinitely
>Has restrictive TOS, making it somewhat unappealing to consider them
>More focused on Patreon stuff or has moved slots to Patreon
>Doesn’t even take commissions period
>Used to take them but has recently stopped completely
>Finally have some money to the side but prices have increased dramatically
Maybe I just have bad luck or am too poor to even bother but getting commissions done fucking sucks

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>>11455233
>tfw you do literally nothing you meant to do even though you laid shit out before you clocked out and really wanted to
Ha, good jape, me.

>>11455665
People are always posting porn though.
Seems like theres a dip in activity in the mid to late evening and then it goes fuckcrazy after midnight.
I blame the euros.

I hate those artists that just lock everything behind Patreon. It's rare, most of them just do timed exclusives, higher resolution, etc. But there are some great artists whose entire gallery went completely dead and you can't see shit unless you give them $10 a month.

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>play game
>game has objective based mode
>easily have the best score of everyone in the server
>still lose because of mentally challenged teammates
aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

doot

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>play Skyrim at someone else's house
>want to play it for real but don't want to shell out for a ps4
>the only reason I'm even interested in the game is the argonians

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>trying to get back to sleep
>almost there
>suddenly just see a fucking guy charging out of the darkness of my room right at me with a weapon
>literally looks like i just opened my eyes and saw it for real
>fucking jolt up and hit my arm off the table
>heart going crazy fast
Can this not happen?
I have enough god damn issues without my brain just fucking trying to directly kill me via heart attack.
ugh.

I'm so tired of assholes being assholes and then whining about people calling them out

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So, I was in my room and I was just, like, staring at the wall, thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. My mom came in and I didn't even know she was there.
She called my name and I didn't even hear it. Then she started screaming, "Mike! Mike!" and I go "What? What's the matter?" and she goes "What's the matter with you?!"
I go "There's nothing wrong, mom" and she goes "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!"
I go "No, mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm okay. I was just thinking, you know. Why don't you get me a Pepsi?"
And she goes "No, you're on drugs!" I go "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking." She goes "No, you're not thinking! You're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!"
I go "Mom, just give me a Pepsi, please." All I want is a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me. All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me. Just a Pepsi.

>>11471506
>PS4

Or you could just get any PC that would have been competitative in 2011. It shouldn't be that expensive, at this point. My old junker could run Skyrim just fine.

>>11412727
Thanks

>>11410335
It does, but I got fresh internet now.

>>11473084
Woohoo

>>11474644
I know, right?

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I always missed school and didn't pay attention in class but I am God Tier at taking tests so I always passed and now I'm writing my first college paper and realizing I've never done a complete essay because I either ran out of time or just didn't do it. I really want to make shit better for myself but I am worried I may have fucked myself over too much to fix. My time management has always been garbage and I'm constantly late for everything. I see great potential in myself but I have no clue how to fix the things that are wrong with me to fix them. That, and whenever people try to help me I either let them do the work or don't pay attention and forget what they said as soon as they leave. I was diagnosed with ADD but I have serious moral problems with taking amphetamines due to addiction problems in my family in the past. I feel like I'm always asking other people what to do because I can't decide on anything. I took a big 5 personality test and scored 99th percentile for neuroticism for my age. I have to succeed or I won't have any desire to live but every time I try to improve myself I end up either falling back to old habits or just not doing it and feeling like shit for it. Fuck

>no friends

Sadbois usa

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>Join the "fandom" a little over a month ago
>Someone has already confessed their love to me over the internet

>>11481851
Which fandom?

>>11481966
The furry one.

>>11482045
>this will never happen to me

>>11481851
I love you too

>>11482266
I'll give you a little tutorial then.
1. Return a *hugs* or "I wuv u too" if a furry glomps you
2. There is no step 2, the furry is now bound to your soul for life. Congratulations.

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>>11481851
Aaaaaand the guy who just confessed his love to me an hour ago deleted me on steam.

>>11482949
what's your steam, want to play vidya some time?

I'm favelour, add me.

>>11483103
Thanks but I'm good. And dude you have a steam comment from 2009
Insane.

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>13
feel like an old loser
>14
adjusted
>15
getting nervous
>16
feel like an old loser
>17
adjusted
>18
feel like an old loser
>19
adjusted
>20
feel like an old loser
>21
i'm ok
>22
i'm adjusted
>23
feel like an old loser
>24
shit. one more year
>25
feel like an old loser

this cycle has been going on since I was like 7. I'm fucking obsessed with my age.
After a couple of months I'll adjust to wearing the "25" belt, but then I'll flip my shit when I get close to 27. Tired of it.

>>11483359
What's insane about that? Who the hell uses steam for social media, I use it to play games.

s t r e s s

why

>>11483429
sounds like an early midlife crisis. Do something daring.

>>11400540
find a food youre fine with that has a high caloric density and eat it real fast before your stomach notices it

>>11488515
Like what

Yawn

Maybe it's a good thing right now because it makes getting through No-Fap September much easier, but my fetish being unpopular means it rarely ever gets new (good) art and I get pretty desperate at times.

>>11490512
What fetish

i want to fuck the hurricane

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>>11449009
that's ok, spite motivating you to succedd and do good things is kinda good, just don't go too far, learn a lesson from the count of monte christo.

I'm frustrated that I'm expected to like sex, and I feel like I'm constantly being pressured to do it.

>>11495934
Same.
Like, I wouldn't mind doing it with a lover if they wanted to, but I don't really have a drive to just get some for shits and giggles like is more or less what general society expects.
I really don't get people with high sex drives.
They sort of creep me out honestly.

I'm from HG. I feel like if I left the place would be better off. I don't work on my code, I don't RP, and I don't think many people think I'm a good person.

Rage

>>11490974
Hyperscat

burp

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>Try to draw.
>Nothing..nothing..nothing..get few lines on the canvas.
>Stay up super late every day, trying to force get something on the paper, but nothing acceptable comes out.
>Sit in front of these half done commissions for couple of weeks.
>Suddenly out of nowhere start drawing fast as hell and push out multiple pictures in one sitting as if drawing has never been easier.
>Get to a good point in one commission, inspiration goes away and once again I get nothing.
God fucking dammit I hate this erratic drawing behavior.
I feel like 95% of my creative time goes to waste here.

Been looking for entry level work for about a year now. I had work in 2015 holiday season as a postal warehouse worker. I thought I did alright, didn't get any complaints but holiday season ended and I got let go, was to be expected I guess. But now I can't find any work.
At all.
Due to food allergies I can't work in fast food or in grocery stores, but apparently dying isn't severe enough of a risk to apply for disability (not that I want to, but I'm running low in my savings and I'm just about out on the street, and I'd take being a filthy faggot leech on society than dying in the streets because some gangbanger doesn't like my face or needs to get initiated)
So I've been going around trying to find apprenticeships in trade work, plumbing, electrician, but no place is hiring without prior experience or a degree. And $20,000 isn't something I have to throw at trade school right now.

I'm just at a total loss. I don't know what to do. I've applied to call centers, retail outlets, car dealerships, computer shops (since the only talent I actually have is assembling PCs and troubleshooting issues therein), I just don't know anymore.

I wish I had gotten this wild hair up my ass a bit sooner cause I would have just moved out of state, but now it's not an option because I barely have $20 most months after doing whatever manual labor people need from me to get rent money.

this is a test
this is only a test

>>11503685
shut up bumpfag

>>11503711
>bumpfag
im just keeping this alive before i go to bed

ow ouch my bones oof

I really hate all the smug pedophiles here. Loli/shota needs to be banned. They can all fuck off to Cripplechan.

>>11505243
go to bed jake

I am 33 and struggling with the dichotomy between what I want to do and what would be most profitable.

its the same struggle ive been in for 12 years now.

I dont have the motivation to push myself anymore.

I tell myself "Genghis Khan united mongolia when he was 35 and still went on to conquer a vast empire. you only have to take small steps."

but then I think "There is a kid who developed successful fusion reactor at the age of 14. This proves that you are a worthless procrastinating fuck who has squandered his talent and intelligence on meaningless bullshit."

I only ever have erections when completely exhausted.

I have no healthcare, nor any hope for healthcare in the future.

I just watched Batman vs. Superman.

arise

I have no immediate purpose to live for, and the days flow past like water
I want to help people, to be a public leader, but the fact alone that I jerk off to animal people has ensured that there's enough dirt on me to ruin me forever
I see all the fetishes here that are objectively based on harm, real or imagined, and I just want to scream "how can you like this, how can you not see it's wrong?"
I see people who engage in fetlife, who contract themselves into faux-slavery, who eat themselves into an early grave, who play with disease, and think to myself "how can you give up your dignity and health for sexual pleasure so willingly?"
I'm right wing on some issues, left wing on others, centrist on some and more far out on others, but I'd be vilified as a Nazi by the left and a progressive shill by the right regardless
My father is heavily christian, and I'm an atheist. I love him as much as a son can, but the guilt over not telling him, over lying to him every time he asks "hey son, have you been going to church?" is eating me inside
I'm so very, very alone; I don't even care about sex at this point, I just want someone to hold
I can't help but think and worry and fret over distant, far away, and far out of my scope events, rather than what's actually relevant to me

when you go to do a thing
and then you dont

and then you do it again

>want to start writing porn
>get like a few paragraphs down
>cum
>lose all interest
>try again a few weeks later
>same result
I can't even focus because even without touching myself I just start leaking, it's really inconvenient and I don't know how to control myself

>friend is in family trouble
>i don't get involved due to nerves
Am I a bad person? I want to help him out but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing.

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>after months of being fine alone, feel desperate urge to get into a relationship
>flip through tinder for a few hours, but everyone's too hot for me and likes doing things besides laying around and playing video games all day
>get through a few okcupid profiles before remembering how daunting it is to keep up even platonic relationships
>been talking to the same 3 people on steam for almost a decade
>one went full sjw a few months ago and stopped talking to me when i didn't want to take part in their political arguments
>my real life friends have mostly all dropped video games, the one thing we really did together
>the thought of being in a relationship and being obligated to leave my house for something other than work sounds like too much of a burden to bear
>hit up craigslist to look for a hookup, but never pull the trigger because i can't handle a total lack of intimacy either, but also because scared of AIDS
>reflect on this and go into a state of not wanting to leave my bed for a week
>next week is fine, cycle repeats

is 26 too early to say that you're going to die alone and a virgin? i don't know where i could possibly meet someone that's as big of a dork as i am.

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Art is hard.

That's all right now, just, art's hard.

blump

>>11347607
here are two options for you:

option 1: choose option 2

option 2: choose option 1

>>11482949
cool so that means you're available now?

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>>11501930
have you registered with an employment/ temp agency? If you're near a city of any decent size there should be a few. Companies might like going through those agencies better than weeding through hires on their own.

I have a master's degree and must be so bad at what I do that I can't get another job either. Since that industry isn't working, I will probably go the employment agency route while I study something new on my own. I don't really have other talents.

Yawn

>>11377093
>I'm frightened by the sheer volume of human suffering in the world, trivial and grievous alike, and at the same time aware that I can't even begin to comprehend its vastness let alone do anything about it

One day you will realize that animals are also conscious beings, though not on the level of humans, and that their suffering extends back to the beginning of time.

Life is made to suffer. Suffering is what makes survival happen. There is nothing anyone can do about it.

bomp

I hope whoever thought 8 person smash was a good idea dies of cancer.

>>11522243
We can always wipe out all life

>>11506945
>but the guilt over not telling him, over lying to him every time he asks "hey son, have you been going to church?" is eating me inside
so go to church, it's not like it's going to hurt you

even if you remain an atheist you'll make your dad happy and you might make some good social connections

>>11524805
>wasting all the time and gas it takes to go to church
fuck
that
shiiiit

>>11416201
Update!
>crush gets a small promotion, instead of just stacking shelves he can do register work too if the need arises, which, fortunately, it usually does
>he's okay for a beginner, i like to help him out whenever i can
>i overhear him saying to a customer that he's shy
>he finishes with a family's shopping
>as they walk off he comes up behind me and says 'what a cutie'
Hold me

>>11519520
Who are you? And yes.

>>11524805
It's not that I'm scared of church or anything, anon, it's just that I can never seem to make time for it.
It's all on me, and I just feel guilty about it.

>>11416201
>>11525444
Holy christ can love really bloom in a grocery store? I need to get a job.

>>11520413
What's your degree in?

>>11525548
Maybe I'm desperate, but I can definitely see this happening. I might make a move on him this week.

>>11525630
Remember to get him drunk, everyone is more gay when drunk!

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just realised I'm such a freak I'll almost certainly never find love. normies have it so easily, they all just ... get on well, because they are the same. but I'm a fucking degenerate freak. fuck.

>>11525997
this
this
this

>>11377093
Fuck anyone that says you're "pessimistic", because anyone that says that is a psudo-optimist trying to make themselves look better by basically passive aggressively calling you a miserable asshole. I'm not joking, remember or look at anyone that has called you or another person that and genuinely think about why they would even say that to begin with when it such a mean thing to call another person. How in the world does caring about how awful some people live in the world "pessimistic"? Fuck that pisses me off so much. I've been called pessimistic all my life and yet short of possible mental issues, I've never had really any problems with decision making whatsoever since I think off all the possibilities of the outcome in a situation.

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>>11525997

i'm a degenerate freak who found 'love' with another degenerate freak.

believe me, it wasn't worth it. we were both too weird to actually do anything. better no love in your life than having to worry about a hot mess like that.

>>11526109
>better no love in your life
Not that anon, but can you really say that?

>>11526043
people hate pessimists because they're almost always defeatists and because they're so focused on negatives that they don't appreciate anything positive or good. saying you care about x bad thing in the world doesn't mean shit if your response to that thing amounts to EVERYTHING SUCKS AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

meanwhile healthy people try to solve what problems they can, learn to cope with those that they can't, and try to appreciate the good things in life


also, as an aside, I've noticed that many people who claim to care about "how awful some people live in the world" simultaneously fail to give a rat's ass about the well-being of their own neighbors and sometimes even their own family... such people are phony pieces of shit who want to feel morally superior without actually putting any effort into it. it's possible that you aren't one of those people, but that sort of universalism is still useless, wasteful garbage that only serves as a weak excuse for not caring about people with whom you have a real connection (or even hating them outright)

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>>11526135

with what i'd had, i'd rather have nothing. it was less of a relationship and more of babysitting.

>>11351989
we dont need fat stupid people in the air force.

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>let's get a job, then
<denied
>let's go to school again, then
<denied
>let's go to the military, then
<denied
good

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>>11525572
Animation. I'm the dumbass earlier in the thread venting about it.

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So uh, still haven't told my s/o about all my garbage I've got going on yet.
Should I start dropping hints or what, cause, I'm not really thinking I'm gonna be able to just come out and say it on my own, I've had a long time to do it and every time I try and do it I just wimp out.

In other news, art is fun.
And I can actually do it unlike the vast majority of things I like.
So that's pretty cool.

This thread makes me feel bad. I hear a lot of these stories and think 'wow I really want a boyfriend like this', possibly so they'd be clingy and do what I want them to do in bed, but I would never abuse them or hurt them on purpose or anything. Am I a predator?

>>11529214
Do what in bed?

>wake up at 2am every night
>can't remember
>sweating
>heart hurting
kms

>>11529257

I'd like to make them crossdress, be submissive, wear chastity, suck me off, etc.

I'm gay and into dudes but I have zero interest in sucking cock myself or taking it in the butt. I feel like the only way I could have a BF would be if I find someone damaged so they'd be willing to put up with my demands.

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>>11529515
That's what I want to do to YOU.

>>11529622

So you're saying you want to dom me, or you want to sub to me?

Not interested in subbing at all, soz. You'll have to get over it.

>>11529515
>>11529622
I'm going to do it to both of you and you'll like it or hate it and I will enjoy it regardless

New thread??

>>11483429
Stop being so fucking sentimental and backwards-looking, lad. Your mind is under a fucking delusion and you can't seem to get it through that it is a fucking delusion.

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>>11529622
>>11529699
>>11530315
intrinsically disordered heathens

>>11529699
>>11530315
No I'M going to dom and take advantage of YOU guys