/scaly/ - Scaly General #272 Post lewd reptiles and discuss

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>>10809049
>Have you ever bought something that you knew was considered bad but got it just because it had scalies in it?
Skyrim

>>10809049
Duchess a best.

>>10809049
>Have you ever bought something that you knew was considered bad but got it just because it had scalies in it?
Does ark count?

DDDDDDDDDDRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFF IIIIIIIIMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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>>10809089
>Does the playable scaly race pretty good
>Drops the ball on dragon fights completely, a major point in the game

>>10809162
I guess? Never played it but I heard some chinks bought out the devs, apparently they're also rushing out of early access or something?

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>>10809209
>Entire game about dragonborn who slays dragons
>Only fights wyverns

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>>10809232
CEASE THIS DISCUSSION AT ONCE

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>>10809232
>The wyverns are weaker than the giants in the earlygame

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>>10809254
>Tells me to cease discussion
>gives me juicy (You)s

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>>10809294
Have another, then.

Truth be told this wyvernXdragon discussion has always brought a smile to my face. It's a bit too stale now whenever a thread shows up in /v/.

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>>10809277
>the only hard part of fighting the wyverns is waiting for them to land

>>10809312
I love to discuss it as well, its shitposty but real discussion at the same time.

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>>10809325
>Only time in the game where you can't really use stealth archery
>Don't even need it anyway

>>10809312
It's always fun seeing people bring up MH wyverns out of amusement, too.

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>>10809379
>adds a dlc called dragonborn
>still no dragons

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>>10809433
The wyverns are cute though.

>>10809472
You know people always talk about sex mods in skyrim, is there a sex mod that lets you fuck the wyverns?

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>ywn get a paw job from your trex gf

>>10809371
Cute!

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>Have you ever bought something that you knew was considered bad but got it just because it had scalies in it?

How about "Watched?" Because I saw an entire playthrough of Dragoneer's Aria (PSP, lol) just because dragons were supposedly a main feature, and there was an interesting dilemma between the MC being both the Dragon Guardian and the Dragonslayer.

I mean, at least the main hero fucks a water dragon...so there's that.

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>>10809502
You need the Sexlab Framework and its prerequisites (RTFM is key), and then mods that utilize it because it does nothing on its own. More Nasty Critters I think is the most-often used bestiality mod these days and it should support all >dragons. As for Sexlab mods that trigger sex between them and the player, you're on your own. Sexlab Defeat should work if the player surrenders or is defeated by them, not sure if you make the wyvern your bitch with it. But there should be other mods.

Whether it's worth it or not is up to you. Recently I tried a playthrough with that shark race and just postponed it out of frustration due to severe freezing in combat and overall just fucking nothing to do in general.

>>10809088
I need more like this

>>10809707
>Try to play skryim
>become stealth archer no matter what
On another note once you get bored of going to bandit hideout #224 you pretty much exhaust the game. Seriously almost every area looked the same. I will give it the credit of dwemer ruins. The aesthetic of dwemer is top tier.

>>10809568
More details? I tried to get into this game and couldn't.
But at least I got far enough for a character to say: "Prepare to pucker up and kiss some dragon butt", so there's that.

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>>10809502

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>>10809893
(This is the only one I have)

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>>10809912
Draugr ruins bother me so much more than Bandits, the former are bumped into very often during quests and when seeking new word walls, while the latter are more victims of radiant quests or random exploring.

Also amusing how the Dwemer automatons have the wrong weaknesses if an in-game book is anything to go by. They're supposed to be weak to Frost.

>Furthermore, contrary to what one might expect from reading Ruins of Kemel-Ze, Dwarven automatons are not immune to shock, which actually causes them normal damage. They, instead, are immune to frost and poison, and are 25% resistant to magic.

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>>10809049
I'm considering Divinity: Original Sin 2. It's technically not considered bad if the reviews are anything to go by, but it's still in early access, which kinda puts me off of it a bit. That lizard race is tempting, though.

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>>10810073
>That first draugr ruins with the golden claw that is such a gruel to play everytime

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>>10809917
Well, it's been like 3 years since that, but sure.

Dragoneer's Aria main plot is
>For centuries, all was peaceful...until a fierce Black Dragon suddenly appeared and destroyed the capital city, Granadis. Valen (the MC), freshly graduated from Dragoon school, must now ensure the safety of the world's six dragons and try to track down the evil Black Dragon.

Fun Fact: This game is really ploddingly slow to play thanks to the molasses combat with annoyingly difficult fights! Also bonus, it was translated by none other than everyone's favorite company: NISA!

>>10809912
>>10810073
>>10810703
>play skyrim for the first time on ps4 with all expansion since I borrowed my cousin's xbox360 copy
>Hearthfire is glitchy and removes furniture/is stuck on a loop to place it but doesn't
Really triggers my completion/aesthetic autism

>>10810703
Bleak Falls Barrow? It at least knocks out two quests but seeing it's mandatory if you want those fucking wyverns to appear without mods, yes it gets grating as fuck on new playthroughs. Overall the Whiterun area is just too important, followed by The Rift.

>>10810773
I also recall Hearthfire also being notoriously buggy on modded games before SafetyLoad and the memory patches that replaced it (which then got replaced by Crash Fixes) became a thing, causing some crashing spots to appear in some locations.

>>10810773
Tell us more about that water dragon fucking

>>10810773
Darryl -> Dylarr -> Dylan

Now we know the truth.

>>10810552
I actually played that for a few hours and I had a fun time. For some reason I could never get into the first one but this one just felt more natural.

>>10810552
I love that that game. Can't wait until it comes out on console.

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>>10810773
But as for plot spoilering,

As stated, you go around to protect the six elemental dragons who protect the world.

You naturally fail to do this because all GOOD dragons always die because fuck you. (Shame, because all the dragons are actually pretty cool and helpful)

Except the water dragon, who turns out to be your party member Euphe in disguise.

The two chucklefucks in pic related basically go go crazy from fighting the Black Dragon except it's actually from being sick of responsible for literally only just making sure said six dragons don't get killed because they were born having to do this one job. Also because the chick can't marry some normal humie for being a dragoon. And then go around murdering the six dragons like complete tools because the Black Dragon offered them...to serve him instead. Yeeeeah...

So eventually you learn the truth that Valen (the MC) and the two/three being Dragoons. Dragoons are not human, and were created by Spirits, and descend from the "defective" Dragoneers, who were created to be extremely powerful enough to kill Nidhogg, the Black Dragon. But they were too powerful, and ended up genociding all dragons, good and evil.

Anyway, before/once you off those two, your best friend Langley becomes an arrogant ass finding out this truth and considers himself superior to everyone and the only one who can be the savior of the world and some other dumb anime nonsense. And kills the thunder dragon despite the tuhnder dragon believing he'd do the right thing.

So anyway we kick his ass, and then kick it again once he merges with Nidhogg (No, FF14 wasn't the first to even do -that- plot point either, even the same named dragon and all). He goes back to normal, Valen still wants to be his friend, they seal the black dragon and it cuts to the ending right fucking there!

Yup, that's goddamn it!

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>>10810899
As for that, Euphe has an instant liking to the MC and wants to fuck him.

There's some angst that happens once we learn she's actually a dragon, and the fact Valen is kind of descended from crazy dragonslaying bio-weapons. He decides to protect her anyway and this happens.

I like to imagine the ending is cut short due to heavy water dragon/dragoon fucking after the others leave. It will happen at some point in the future anyway.

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Also you niggers better read that shit cause I had to trudge up old ass videos at midnight on a worknight for that

>>10809371
I love that wing position more than I should.

>>10809209
>playable scaly race pretty good
>lose their entire gameplay selling point
>get stupid bullshit feathers

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>>10809089
Hell, argonians are the only reason I continue to play Skyrim. Just a shame the world has the depth of a puddle so the rampant racism I should be experiencing doesn't exist.

>>10810552
The game fully releases September 14th. The EA as of now is more a demo than an early build.

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>>10812029
Not much you can do when character building is more freeform and whatever Argonians were good at in the past took a backseat in occurences. But Histskin is fine, a hidden unarmed bonus is nice, and the race has a solid aesthetic which is surprising considering modern Bethesda probably secretly hates ever making them.

>Feathers

They're fine.

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>>10812029
>Implying feathers aren't cute

>>10812113
It kinda does.
Aside from Nords who skew the statistic by sheer numbers, Argonians are the race who most often get the short end of the stick in quests, and in the event that this is because you have to kill them TES does, of course, not let you do peaceful solutions.
See Beem-Ja, Jaree-Ra and Deeja, Deekus, furthermore Ilas-Tei, Takes-In-Light, Veezara and Watches-The-Roots.

>>10812163
Histskin is bullshit compared to poison immunity and the 25% boost to disease resistance. If Beth hadn't fucked up like that Veezara would still be alive.
Unarmed is also useless now that it's no longer a skill. Like, six extra points of damage? Wow.

>>10812221
Feathers are just personal pref, I want Argonians to look more like lizards and less like dinosaurs.

>>10812163
>character building
>more freeform
Kinda like FO4's """character""" "building" was freeform as all hell. All mechanical complexity has gone out of the game, and with attributes gone another connection between game- and roleplay has vanished.

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>>10812284
'Freeform' is a neutral way of putting it. I miss classes and attributes, but let's not kid that the latter was kind of fucked in the past two games, especially without any retroactive health scaling when considering in Endurance. Skyrim arguably better suits the 'raise skills as you use them' quirk TES has without needing to worry about getting +5/+5/+5 or +5/+5/+1 (Luck) leveling to attributes, but I don't think classes should've been scrapped entirely.

Fallout 4 though? It's an even bigger mess.

>>10812328
Yeah, maybe Daggerfall's way of attribute gain was a bit better, rolling the dice.
Given that you can become Legendary in Skyrim it wouldn't have mattered how many points you'd get, anyway. You'd bump yourself up to 100 eventually.

So some faggots mentioned "defiler wings" or something last thread, but I can't seem to find much about it.
What's the game like? Is it moddable? How old is it?

anyone got that image of the argonian in a bikini comforting a stealth argonian which was in that skyrim thread? it was in japanese and it had 15 to 1 kills on it

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>>10812363
Oblivion at least had some decent mods outside of just giving you +5 to any stat, like one just raised your attributes as you raised skills while keeping the class system, Realistic Leveling it was called. Too bad that Oblivion XP didn't run overly great.

>>10812472
Sure, here you go.

>>10812504
oh wow thanks
anyone know which npc that is?

>>10812521
I think they're just original characters. You can get the source through SauceNao.

>>10812269
I mean more racism affecting the player. You're never blocked out of the more racist cities like Windhelm, in fact beyond a few combat quips people don't really notice you're a lizard.

It's what I love about Original Sin 2. Some people are terrified of lizards, some hate them, both of those will make them reluctant or outright refuse to talk to you. Elves especially will hate your guts because lizards enslaved them, and it can lead to a fight to the death with one of the earliest companions.

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I want to be a Tama!

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>tfw no playable scalies in WoW

Dammit Blizz I'm on Moon Guard for a reason, and that's to fulfill my impossible dreams, and one of those is being a lizardman who can throw fireballs.

>>10813142
I played a panda because they took half falling damage and you could drop from crazy heights without playing a rouge.
Worgen is unironically the best race though because of that 16% base crit chance.

>>10813262

As a resto druid Worgen, that is pretty nice, but not as good as base 16% Mastery would be.

Is that butthurt loser who wrote that shitty greentext still around? I want to make fun of him some more.

The story was so terrible there was nothing to say about it other than it was bad.

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>>10811105

>filename
Traps aren't girls, anon.

>>10814200
shes squeezing the dudes dick through her thighs you autist

>>10814200

Anon, kobolds don't have breasts. For all you know, that could be a futa.

>>10814200
>Never seen a thigh job before
Anon pls

>>10812521
http://blog.livedoor.jp/vicb60012/archives/43554471.html
no links, original characters

>>10809517
Yes/no on this, /scaly/?

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>>10814758

>>10809089
SKYRIM ISN'T BAD (as a mindless timekiller and delivery system for mods.)

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>>10814886
Mindless timekillers are bad games.

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where do you fall in pic related, /scaly/?

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Lole wtf is this???
xd

>>10815051
Top center, cloacae are genetically inferior and needlessly disgusting.

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>>10815127

Created by pic related

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>>10815155
Reply by pic related

>>10815127
Dylan pls

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>>10815155
Don't reply to a known shitposter.

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>>10815181
>Doesn't know about the hash bug

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>>10815051
Depends on the character.
I hate anthro versions of a canon feral character.

>>10815257
xddd cloca fags btfo lmao

>>10815273
There is nothing wrong with a cloaca. Every lizard has one.

>>10815051

Relative center, with a slight preference for cloaca.

>>10815295
>dirty lizard vag
lel you're fucking gross bro lmao

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>>10815200
And this is a filename bug I take it?

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>>10815051

>>10815316
>Multiple file with the same name
Whoa fuck, 4chan's finally developed 1994
web technology.

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>>10815051

>>10815339
Yep, and anyone can check the same website for themselves.

>>10815416
I'm not sure you read my reply correctly, my man. Consider having a third try at grade 4. I mean, third times the charm, right?

Here's the deal. I'll shitpost here mercilessly until you have no choice but to leave and fuck off to somewhere else. Sound fair? Good.

>>10813142
Really? Aren't there like 50 races in that game?

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>>10815051

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>>10815510

>>10815657
Ugh, these arts are not good

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Tama is great, tama is love. I want to BE a tama!

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>>10815649

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>>10815051

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>>10815685
Tama is love, Tama is life.
>FTFY

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>>10815051

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>>10815817
I wasn`t really going for that, but whatever makes you happy...

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Will this book help me improve my raptor drawings?

>>10815624

Not really. There's human, orc, troll, elf, short human, really short human, cow, short or, zombie, British furry, squidward, black elf, and Chinese furry.

>>10816098
what is that book?

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>>10816852

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>>10816867

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>>10816879

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>>10816887

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>>10816898

>>10816899
Haha that turned into something else quick

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>>10815051

>all these breasts/pussy combos

Please leave

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>>10817109
you first cloaca fag

>>10817125
No known scaly has either of those

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>>10817109
>>10817167
You were banished to the shadow realm, anon

Do I need to pull out my Exodia on you?

>>10817225
Oh fuck off with your stupid fucking character
There are special threads with special cases for you

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>>10817167
In the realm of art, where the hybridization of humans and animal species is commonplace, what on earth compels you to believe that any anthropomorphic creature will purely be and/or need to be 100% adoptive of the animalistic traits of the hybrid. Stop being autistic.

If you personally prefer cloaca/flat, that's fine, but stop constantly ramming it down everyone's throats.

>>10817464
I`ll stop talking shit about boobtards when they stop ree`ing at me for posting cloaca.

>an hybrid between human and scaly
keep believing that shit

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>>10817464
>>10817125
I can't believe people have responded to Dylan so much in these threads that they still can't spot an obvious aussie post is obvious.

>>10817703
>dylan is an escapegoat
Fuck off Ive been in this thread since #7 and I can tell that breastautism has ruined scaly for good

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>>10817627
Nobody ree's at posted cloaca, people ree at the constant "cloaca or gtfo" shit. Stop trying to paint yourself as a victim.

>>10817703
That's not botfag, stop being new. Botfag is at least funny in a hyperbolic sort of way.

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I like my Tama as a Tama and with a Tama.

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>>10817965

>>10817986
How much alcohol would it take to get a kobold drunk?

If there was a drinking contest between a dwarf and a kobold, who'd win?

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>listening to dark souls podcast
>its pointed out that the Blacksmith in the Undead Parish is the only character in the series who has lips syncing with their dialogue
>i never even noticed or considered it

>>10818182
are you kidding? Dwarf, unquestionably
A kobold would be drink after a single mug

>>10818620
Hes also the only npc who kicks the shit out of you if you aggro him

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>>10815051
Top left. As anthro as anthro can get!

>>10818620
what about the primordial serpents?

>>10818798
yeah but they're like these weirdo monsters
not humans

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>>10818989
...

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>>10819178
I want to be her rathalos

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>>10819178
Huh. So that's where that one image was cropped from.

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>>10819247
I've only saved it ironically.

Would you rather be a lizard girl or a lizard guy?

>>10819857
Guy, You get that weird penis action.

>>10819857
Girl would be interesting. Plus, eggs.

>>10819857
Neither. I'd be a wizard who molests lizardfolk and dragons.

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>>10819857
guy

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>>10819247

I need more cute/lewd pictures of Angelus. With or without Caim. Introducing my boyfriend to Drakengard and she's his new waifu.

>>10820112
I just want to grab that bulge in her neck. What's it for?

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>>10820112

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>>10820315

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>>10820188
If I remember correctly, the novellas for Michael and Mikhail in Drakengard 3 describe it as a "sensitive" spot. Getting punched or kicked there seems to hurt a lot, kinda like a man getting kicked in the balls.

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>>10815051

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>>10820289
>>10820300
I never knew how much I needed Angelus in a wedding dress until now. Bless you anon/s. Have this.

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>>10820597
How do you get full sized images off twitter?

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>>10821352
Just add ":orig" to the end of the url

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>>10820735

>all these good pictures with adorable faces
>can't decide one for a decent profile picture

why live

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>>10822850
ive been using this one in discord

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There needs to be more Great Maccao pics

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>>10823166
dubs confirm

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>>10823166

>>10822899
>force truce

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>>10815051

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>>10823166

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>>10823485

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>>10822850
I use this one on steam

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> more Slack-Wyrm

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>>10822850
>Have collection of cropped monster porn
>Never think to use it for icons

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>>10826061
I prefer cute stuff for avatars.
(obvious) cropped porn as avatars is obnoxious.

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>>10826122
>not going with avatars that spook desktop users every time they get a notification

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>>10826289
Spook with something cute? I don't follow.

>>10815791
pretty much this

where can I find some human f on scaly m?

>>10819857
definitely wanna be a cute scalie girl

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>>10816098
yes it did it for me. But anon, be careful when taking comissions :x

>>10827513
is m00t

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>>10815649

>>10828178
What do you mean?

>>10818620
Well that's completely wrong because while he does move his mouth, it's actually just one animation on loop with no actual syncing.

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>>10815051
Puss all the way. Boobs are nice, but to be fapped to sparingly.

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And with one bold stroke, I defeated the mighty dragon! Truly, the pen is mightier than the sword.

>>10830716
They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Well I say FUCK THE PEN because you can DIE BY THE SWORD!!!!

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>>10831347

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For fuck sake /scaly/ im not happy
I trully understand that you like shit, repost, memes, reposted memes X infinitum
its Ok, really.

But WHY DA FUCK no one EVER mentioned this is here?
https://vimeo.com/196954781

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>>10815051

>>10832889
Because its horseshit

>>10832889
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph58d697ec99800

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph57be5f9ee212b

full versions of both videos.
That "animation" is fucking hilarious to look at

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But wait
Actually im happy enough to do what im supposed to do.
Delivery Anon fucking deliver

Full thing, both videos are for DIFFRENT sets

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph57be5f9ee212b

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph58d697ec99800

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>>10832916
> i dont like it so lets not mention it fucking ever, that teach dose summerfag noobs.
>lets post some "i wanna be a tama" memes instead, those fun

btw sure animation is lacking in some department, but you know ANYTHING similiar?
i guess not

>>10832889
Would be ten times better as stills tbqh.

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>>10832889
this is fucking trash
Go away

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>>10832889
The ass jiggling is like something from Depthy. Sorry anon but just because it's animated doesn't mean it's automatically good.

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>>10833501
its not good cos its quality, its good cos its rarity.

Yes - i admit,
camera is REALLY shaky,
there is no story watsoever.
there is not even no choreography watsoever (more like his whole plan was: let them bounce up& down)
all dragons are fucking with flying dissmembered dick, even worse its human dick eh (autor self placement?) -.-'
one part is serious censored mess,
"lets explore dragon cave" sequences are seriously retarded and worthy of "WTF japan" tag. - that retard creator dont even understand he should tone that down and add way more of "whole body shots"//pole dancing (btw im not talking about closeups)


Also music is hit&miss - i dont like music in first part (named censored/bungalow) but i love music in "DLC part"


Yet its still better then "How this all happend"

Dragons are THICC
Dragons stick their tongue in a lovely manner
+ Those animations are like single long dragon porn animation in existence
+ its fucking free(ok, not really but fuck Shirokoma, i visited his Patreon, and hes crying even over "unautorized translation" for fuck sake)


Yes it is bad, but im so fucking starved, im gonna take and eat anything that is not literal shit.
So Club Dance Dragon is good

btw about pole dancing vids -this is classic Renamon vid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbEQ3KcOvic

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>>10833644
rarity does not equal value.
Indeed, it's rare because no one liked it enough to spread it
because it's shit
The music is cancerous and pole dancing is degenerate.

i liked both of those videos up until the whole part with the terrible looking x-ray fucking

anyone feels like donating anything to my paypal? i'm broke

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>>10834430
I'll donate a (You)

>>10834505
that doesn't help me, friend

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>>10834505
>>10834588
I love his work too, but don't you think these characters are showing up on this thread too often?

On other news "gobshark".
This is weird.

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>>10834646
The characters themselves aren't the problem, they're cute guys but it's
>Please avoid reposting images from the past 2-3 or so threads, try to keep things fresh and post other content.

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>>10834822
>The characters themselves aren't the problem
I didn't say they were.

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>>10834822
I wish there were more pictures of them
They're basically perfect desu

>page 8 again
jeez scaly

>>10815051
Hard bottom right.

Even better if cloaca contains surprise hemi.

>>10815051
as anthro as possible

>>10815051
if i wanted tits and pussy i'd fap to humans

the one thing that makes lizards appealing is how alien they are

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Can someone pleaze post Kazerad's Quillweave, specifically the gif
>thinking

I can't help but feel for Damion.

Being the eternal number two stuck with an asshole-turned-nutcase for a partner, doing all the hard lifting and getting shit on as reward.
Kinda exactly like the player.

>>10827478
e621?

>>10819857
>lizard girl
>loads of creepy assholes trying to get in my pants

alternatively
>lizard guy
>now have another cock i'll never use

>>10838537
>Caring if guys are creepy or not as long as they're not clingy
Suck and fuck and get out.

>>10838554
that's disgusting

>>10838564
Anon, why would you squander the power of having a pussy?

>>10812560
I mean, sure it's bullshit, but what are you gonna do.
You're the dergnbern, you have to look awesome at all times or else the 14-year-olds aren't gonna play the game.

>>10838600
>power of having a pussy
But I wouldn't.

Besides, I wouldn't smash with just anyone, either. I need an equal.

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>2017
>not having a cloaca with a hidden dick

baka...

>>10838636
>hair
>ears
baka indeed

>>10812269
>I want Argonians to look more like lizards and less like dinosaurs

>people still fall for the featherfag meme about dinosaurs
Lol

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>>10839022
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/12/feathered-dinosaur-tail-amber-theropod-myanmar-burma-cretaceous/

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>>10839036
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jun/03/most-dinosaurs-had-scales-not-feathers-fossil-analysis-concludes

http://westerndigs.org/t-rex-didnt-have-feathers-new-study-of-fossil-skin-finds/
http://nypost.com/2017/06/07/t-rex-didnt-have-feathers-scientists-confirm/

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>people getting triggered over feathered dinosaurs
>while I really enjoy the look of feathers on scalies

>>10839115
they just found dragon fossils
solar flare can't come soon enough

>>10838671
>>10838678
>>10838689
this is a shit fetish and should go in the shit fetish containment thread

>>10839173
Cry harder

>>10839133
okay

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>>10839184

>>10839115
Most is not all. Two of your sources seemed to be oddly obsessed with the Tyrannosaurus.

>>10839221
Enjoy your (You) and kill yourself.

>>10839267
Vore and TF aren't any better or any worse than feces, fampai.

I keep clicking on these threads hoping for
attractive female characters but everything either has a dick or looks like it ought to. Y'all gay motherfuckers need Jesus.

>>10839375
Wait, the scaly threads or the vore/TF threads?

>>10839398
This one, whatever the fuck it is. "Scaly General" and half the shit in it looks like it's for people who want to fuck their pokeymans.

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>>10839159

Pics or it didn't happen

>>10839413
It's summer.

>>10839426
It's classified.

>10839221(You)
Please don't post extreme tier fetishes.
you can easily find (or make) a thread to post that shit in.

>>10839556
I did that specifically in response to >>10839184

>>10839375
I might not care much for any of these fetishes, but at least TF isn't literally shit in the case of scat, vore only so depending on how it's depicted.

whats tf

>>10840022
Transformation.

>>10840022
team fortress

>>10840022
Titanfall

>>10840134
That game made me robosexual.
Missiles now give me a hard-on.

I want my cyber lizzer.

>>10840163
cyber lizzer is 11/10

>>10840442
Hydraulic hemipenes when?

>>10840533
>self-lubricating
>capable of mixing 4.7 million different flavours of cum
>of course they vibrate

I want a robo-lizzer bf. Two fetishes in one.

>>10841363
Me first.

Hell, just a cybernetic deathclaw would be fine.
Or Meta Ridley.

>>10838636
That's a slit, cloaca is when it's the same hole.

>>10839613
And that somehow justifies it?

>>10810773
>>10810842
Oh Hearthfire. Oh hahaha.

Yeah, I didn't fully realize how much I hated Bethesda until I started playing Skyrim on (((console))) with the expansions installed. Talk about a buggy piece of shit, I'm avoiding Dawnguard for the most part and haven't touched Dragonborn, but if it wasn't for the achievements I wouldn't be playing at all.

I'm just going to lay it all out.

First off, the first complaint about the entire thing since Hearthfire REALLY underlines everything wrong:

Location.

Falkreath is the only house that makes a lick of sense, Dawnstar and Morthal are both WITHIN FUCKING SIGHT of the capitols of other holds (as in Dragonsreach and the Blue Palace) which means whoever was thinking up the design of the world wasn't thinking. At all. These are supposedly ancient political boundaries, so why are they so oddly designed with only a few notable examples of, "oh that makes sense?" (Dragonsbridge for example is the Reach and Haafingar meeting at the Karth River) There's a handful of other places in Dawnstar where the manor would have been better located, namely on the motherfucking coast, but that would have required thinking and design. Morthal? Even worse, how does one copy-paste a stone foundation a few feet deep into a saltwater swamp? You don't. That's why all three locations are just Lakeview.jpg pasted near a giant camp and near an ominous cabin in the swamp that's on a flat spot across from the capital city of the province.

Oh, about that...

If you're on console ha HA! you're fucked if you pick Dawnstar's dumb motherfucking spot and want to be married to an NPC that isn't a follower. Want to see an Argonian fly to the fucking moon? Take your beautiful scaly bride to the Dawnstar property and watch a giant BTFO her in one swing. Why are there giants? Well they're walking through your property. Why? You built right next to the largest camp of them besides the hand-crafted Malacath quest area.

It just works, right?

1/5

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>>10843381
2/5

Morthal's pick is another one that just doesn't make any motherfucking sense if you're supposedly raising children. What in the fuck kind of retard takes their kids out to a swamp and builds within eyesight of an ominous cabin quite literally coated in blood? Well the DAGRONBRON!!! :DDD of course! Nevermind that he/she/xie/helicopter is the world's smartest sorcerer who's mastered every school of magic, figured out every puzzle designed by crayon-eating developers in every bland dungeon from Markarth to Riften! No, you build there because it was the only flat part big enough to take the color-by-numbers retard house. Despite the stylistic differences between the holds (okay, Hearthfire options are all generic and the same but at least Morthal is mostly on stilts) you absolutely have to build the exact same house no matter where you go. You couldn't possibly have sunk money into putting down some timbers or just, you know, building on a hill like a normal fucking guy. Nope. Not you. You're not allowed to do that.

Just like you're not allowed to build a dock into the Sea of Ghosts because hurrdurr the fish farm is Morthal's territory so fuck off and enjoy your giants.

So at this point you might be going, okay, fine, I get that you don't like the locations but that doesn't mean the houses suck. Well, that's just it, they DO suck. They're generic stone foundations, timber and post construction, with wattle and daub walls along with wooden shingles imported right from Whiterun. (more on that in a bit) They're not really impressive and not for the fucking price tag that Hearthfire originally was, this is "I'm a student in video game design" tier part-time modding work. This is the kind of shit that Bethesda offered for Oblivion back in the day for five bucks, it's nothing substantial. You don't get a special style that you choose, or even one that isn't WhiterunGenericManor_xx, it's pretty mundane.

2/5

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>>10843405
3/5

Which is why the locations are so shitty, Falkreath's full of empty forest while the Pale is chock full of frozen vistas that were apparently too important to let go. Hjaalmarch is full of unusable swamp that would need to be dealt with (read: actual work) to put a house down. The goal was, clearly, to recycle as many assets as possible and then shit out something for a quick cash grab because why else would the houses have nine total additions that make ZERO fucking sense? Oh, and if you want a wrap-around balcony please be sure to build in the right order because the fences up top won't be removed otherwise! You're also forced to just select what mundane bullshit you want in addition to some critical features, so if you're a completionist and don't like seeing options unchecked it's just going to look gaudy and stupid versus bland and unfilled.

I mention that because the type of person who likes to have things just-so and has enough self-worth to feel a sense of accomplishment for building the house will not get that. They'll be dissatisfied with many of the options, wondering why the north side doesn't have the library and why the bedroom's double bed is in the same room as the children's beds. It just doesn't make any sense, it's like the developers had x amount of space and went "oh fuck what do we do" and then did what they always did and busted out the shoehorn. Do you know how I would have done it? Workbench on the other side of the doors next to child's treasure chest, building option to turn the wing into two rooms that adds a dividing wall. Boom. Children's room and parent's room.

Such attention to detail is really where Bethesda always falls flat on their face, they have a concept that just explodes in a million different directions and all we get is a half-baked piece of unintelligible bullshit. Anyone here ever survive a rainstorm? I have, thanks to a roof. Ever notice how roofs tend to overlap a certain way? Yes? Well so have I!

3/5

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>>10843440
4/5

Remember what I said about the roof earlier? See, a smart man would have made the main hall a cunthair taller than the possible wings in east, north, and west, rather than have the wings taller than the roof of the main hall. It's not actually a functional problem since rain in the game magically disappears when you're teleported to the plane of Oblivion that is the inside of your house when you use a door, but if you're not a fucking mouth-breathing retard it's one of those things that stick out. You're reminded that none of the people who designed the thing you paid money for, money you spent working your fingers to the bone to get, were capable of delivering you a finished product. I mean compared to the fact that your shit randomly disappears (including rare quest rewards stored in """safe""" chests lmao) it's not a big bitch to have, but it's just this glaring instance of "that is so not right" that I have to mention it. What's worse is I thought, at first, that it was the game being dumb and kept reloading saves to build the house in a special order just to make that eyesore go away! Boy, was I wrong.

I did the same for the greenhouse too, I was looking at the roof going, "uh, where's my windows!?" knowing that this is how greenhouses work. I know the sun is up high, I know the sunlight is crucial for plants, so obviously a greenhouse needs a glass roof. Well not in Todd Howard's world! They couldn't figure out how to copy-paste things at a 45, so fuck it, you don't get windows. I exclusively grow cave things in my greenhouse, because the devs are a bunch of cousin-fucking shit for brains. Oh wait, no I didn't, I reloaded the save and built a bedroom because I have outdoor plants already and a greenhouse attached to my tiny manor is a waste. Too bad about the kitchen's roof, though, good thing my wife's aquatic.

Too bad about the kids, hope they like a hacking cough from all fungal spores belching out of the rotting wood.

4/5

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>>10843475
5/5

So yeah, the houses really are shit. Three instances of bullshit stacked tower-high.

Towers you can't move around, so you're forced to have a north wing that's as useful as tits on a bullfrog instead of a library.

Now getting inside the house and we'll just ignore the fucking offensive choice of furniture, system of placement, or the fact that I have to have a retarded leaky roof if I want a very useful oven, and move right on to the rest of the "expansion." Apparently they couldn't be fucked to pay for full voice acting because the Argonian option has no dialogue with the children. In fact, she opens a "store" and has Belethor dialogue but without the noise. I also question where she got the money to open this fucking store because last I checked I found that walking suitcase basically living in a van down by the river, she had to give me a sob story just to get back her generic amulet.

I recall this being something in the original vanilla version but isn't this entire expansion about the domestic life? Why the FUCK don't I see her scaly ass marching on down to a roadside stall hawking wares she needed a down payment to buy (or just asking me to give her some inventory) and trying to con passing Thalmor and vampires into buying bits of charcoal and iron ore? I ask her, "hey did the store make any money?" Every time she produces money out of nowhere, presumably the ass I'm filling with my dragonbone every night so I awaken with that sweet, sweet Lover's Comfort.

People actually paid money for this shit, by the way. Neophyte modder level of quality, AAA studio pricetag.

Truly the invisible hand of the free market has been rendered tragically autistic, because it keeps encouraging this shit to happen over and over again.

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>>10843530
6/5

Oh and on a side note I gave my little son redguard a sword and some clothes at the same time. His response? "Thanks pa!" as he stripped down to his underwear and ran around hitting his sister with the blunt weapon I had foolishly given him. Subtle, Bethesda. Subtle.

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>>10843586
>son redguard
I inserted "redguard" into that sentence incorrectly.

I meant I adopted a redguard, not that my adopted son owns a Redguard. Either way the 'lil nigga stripped down to as naked as the game's engine would let him and he reenacted Africa post-colonialism by immediately smacking the living shit out of his Nord (white) sister. Meanwhile my dark huscarl looked on before remembering to declare, "LONG LIFE TO YOU, THANE!"

I know it wasn't intentional because that would require the Creation engine not going full retard for a few minutes to execute this little sequence of domestic violence, but it did make me laugh and was sadly the only fun I've had playing Hearthfire.

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>>10843475
>I mean compared to the fact that your shit randomly disappears (including rare quest rewards stored in """safe""" chests lmao) it's not a big bitch to have,

>not a big bitch to have
Although worldbuilding doesn't upset my autism quite that level, I was pretty triggered by the fact that all my shit that I keep trying to build will goddamn disappear.
>What's that? You wanted to finish your (((selection))) of furniture and have everything? Nope, have a glitch that makes it impossible to get it ever!
>in fact, have more glitches where shit will disappear, using the workbench will display everything regardless of whether it's done or not, and by god if you build an item that's already there, the game divides by zero and may nuke the room of furniture!
>and if you want your bitch ass achievos, no mods to skip all that boring as shit collecting/buying materials that even MMOs can program to actually be a modicum of fun!

Truly the best expansion

I think I've had more fun with an FF14 free trial than the 100 hours I spent as Cherry, the murderhobo argonian who had an axe to grind against all dwemer for killing her parents and oh god even trying to roleplay a character is boring....

I was the first person to make a smug Anna picture and now I've seen at least five different versions of it. Does that make me famous?

>>10844339
>...had an axe to grind against all dwemer for killing her parents...
how old was that argonian? must have looked like a grotty alligator-skin handbag if they were alive when the dwemer were.

>>10844339
What I meant was the roof wasn't a big complaint to make in light of the MASSIVE problem of your hard-earned shit vaporizing without any way to console command it back. I was being pretty generous with my dislike of Skyrim because I had tilde magic before to just will away the bugs and problems, but without it I get to really experience the true ugliness of this piece of shit.

Thankfully I didn't buy it. I straight up pirated it for PC and I have no fucking idea how I got the ~*~legendary edition~*~ for Xbox, but I know I didn't pay money for it.

My complaint about the roof is just me being an actual working man who's literally built a house before and has discovered the hidden secrets of water running downhill. One of those "THAT WOULDN'T WORK" moments of incomprehensible rage as I realize most of the planet is populated by dumb mouth-breathers.

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>>10844563
She is reincarnated, at the Hist's will. She carries grudges throughout her lives, and mashes up Dwemer tech whenever she sees it as she can still scarcely recall the days when Snow Elves got double btfo.

>>10844610
>being an actual working man who's literally built a house before
Oh that's neat
How big was the house you built?

>>10844887
1,600ish square feet, two story, burned down in a fire back in 2012. I built a small 600 square foot log cabin since then for a friend.

>>10840022
Lurk.

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>>10837554

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>>10843381
>>10843405
>>10843440
>>10843475
>>10843530
>>10843586
screencaped and saved.

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>>10846245
I'm hesitant to ask if you capped that because you thought it was funny or if you thought it was cringeworthy. So with that said, in lieu of whatever reality has going on, I'm going to pretend you'll use it to smack down fanboys apologizing for Todd's crusade to drive us down into the abyss of high-price mediocrity.

Use it well, son of Hammerfell, because all the little Sofie Street-Rats shilling for Bethesda deserve nothing short of interracial violence.

>>10846419
I found it funny, but also very true.
Bethesda doesn't make games, Bethesda makes mod delivery systems.

>>10846952
Oh. Well, I do agree completely. What's really funny, and I mean in a stillborn baby after a decade of frantic attempts at pregnancy kind of way, is that the entire game is quite obviously built through their "creation kit."

I mean in the sense of what you actually interact with, all the trees, rocks, buildings, weapons, NPCs, factions; everything that touches the holy PC, is done through the same modding tools they intentionally delay on releasing. They released TESCK bundled with Morrowind for PC, I know because I have both disks, and Oblivion's I _believe_ came as part of the original install as a secondary option. Skyrim? That one took awhile because of the absolute garbage fire TES:V was on release and everyone seems to forget how pissed people got. I remember some guy exploded when some shill suggested his PC wasn't good enough and he spammed ARMA screenshots (among others) while basically screaming, "is this good enough for you?"

So naturally there was a vested interest for everyone making money off of said dumpster fire to hide the fact that it was a shit show of epic proportions. Actually it seems like Todd's "the community will fix it" solution was going to be the company line up until media sites finally started talking about it too much, and then it was ineffective patch after ineffective patch. Just to give a timeline, Skyrim was released Nov 11th, 2011 and had a same-day patch that was so half-assed that it did nothing. So what did they do for 1.1.21 released ten days later?

They patched it so Steam had to be running when TESV.exe fired up. While they were deleting threads about people with several thousand dollar gaming machines being unable to play their piece of shit, they were more concerned with piracy.

Twenty days later? 1.2 actually broke the game for many and not until Dec 7th that 1.3.7 barely fixed most of the new issues. It wasn't until JULY that the game was actually playable.

>>10846952
Oh and to add on to >>10847383 regarding the patches, I have to add that (lmao) the December 20th 1.3.10 patch was wholly there just to do one thing:

TO ENABLE THE GAME TO USE UP TO 4GB OF MEMORY.

I will let you draw your own conclusions from that, but I must stress that at no point did Bethesda actually include any of the unofficial patch work to fix their garbage piece of shit """RPG""" title for the millions of console copies people paid hard money for.

>>10847486
>Release a broken piece of shit months before it's ready for that ebin 11.11.11 release date.
>Still gets almost unanimous praise.
Bethesda open world games are the worst, most detrimental meme to ever surface from the videogame industry with Ubisoft open world games coming a close second.
But at least Ubisoft can almost make a functional game.

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>>10847821
I hate to say it, but even as far back as Morrowind you can see the seeds of this decline and I loved Morrowind. I cannot describe to you how much I played it, modded it, tweaked it, and masturbated to the thought of having a harem of Argonians thankful I released them from slavery.

When they transitioned from Daggerfall (and the almost forgotten spinoffs) they seemed to have forgotten what in the fuck they were doing and why they were doing it. Morrowind has a mostly solid plot, solid gameplay, decent graphics (for the era) and a very deep world that you got to dip your toes into. Taken at face value it's good, but you can kind of see the unfinished bits and "we don't know where to go! :DDDD" creeping in around certain quests and even in the main quest toward the end.

Oblivion is more of this, but Skyrim is where it comes to a head in all it's ugly glory. People talk about a "dumbing down" of the story, that's it right there, they had something good in 3 and by 5 it was uninspired trash.

TES had a pretty consistent theme that heavily implies that your character is a pawn of higher forces just there to fuck with the world. (Azura, looking at you) Personally? I think Lorkhan is the player, in all of your adventures you're the missing god pushing a guy along to make the necessary change. You were the actual savior from an old prophecy in Morrowind, but all the other big names treated you like you were a pawn.

Then Oblivion became this weird scenario where you're supposed to be helping Jesus and then turn out to be him yourself.

Then Skyrim happens and they just drop all pretenses, you're not just a hero, you're a DRAGONBORNED!!!!! (eben :DDD) and all shall suck your cock even though nobody actually does. As >>10812113 and >>10812269 pointed out the world around you is so shallow that you can't even dip your toes in.

Cancer doesn't begin describe what that is.

Unrelated, but here's Deus Ex NPC's IRL dancing to some music: https://youtu.be/5yBvP3616Wc

Why has nobody posted this???
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59853ed530e9a

>>10819207
Is there a non-cropped version of this

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>>10848803
That's the full picture. Same as this one.

>>10848822
Fucking teasing Japs. Oh well, thanks for letting me know.

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>Bump limit

So far the only topic I've got on the backburner was that ice-skating one.

>>10848577
>and all shall suck your cock even though nobody actually does

This detail sticks out like a sore thumb, barely anyone actually acknowledges how you're Dragonborn. I think the shittiest piece of writing though by far comes from Skyrim's Thieves Guild questline, it's a goddamn mess.

>>10849052
Robots were mentioned so how about this:

>If we are ever going to have scalefus/bos, they would probably be cyberlizzers, before we ever hope to see true flesh scalies. Would you be okay with robot scalies?

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>>10849052
When they do it's really bland, "oh hurr da DRAGONBORN!" type of one-liners. You don't go home and your wife of X many days isn't there ready to fuck your brains out after literally saving the world. Most of the actual factions give nothing but bland, "hurr so ain't u teh new gombanion u fetch teh meed xDDDDDDDDD" shit from the guards. Wow. So very hilarious. Like I haven't heard you say that every mother fucking time I've walked by, oh wait no there were all those times where you mumbled about magic.

Nothing in this game has any meaning, magic is supposedly so frowned upon and terrifies the living shit out of Nord peasants but I can fire fireballs all day in Windhelm and nobody cares. Nobody gives a flying fuck that I'm shooting fire from my palms just to see how fast I can do it or about the fact that I have a tail-dragging scalenigger with me. Argonians have to stay on the docks though, because if one stepped into the city you might have to beat the living dicks out of some bald-headed faggot. That same one who mumbles about how you're a "true friend" and "brother Nord" after punching the everloving fuck out of him.

In a land inhabited by supposedly oh so super duper bigoted WHITE NORDS >:(((( it does a piss-poor job of actually demonstrating that.

Furthermore what's the point of marriage? Hearthfire adds zero content aside from the oven and new cooking stuff. Kids are pointless, your wife/husband is still pointless, and the glaring issues of why an impoverished lizard woman, living in squalor due to terrible racism, can magically have "a store" that generates exactly 100 money points at you every in-game 24 hour period.

Oh and the """homecooked meal""" that's an ~ancient recipe~ of her people looks awfully like a motherfuckin' apple pie.

FUCK.

>>10834822
It reminds me of when Etheross's art and that one Blue pic got reposted all the fucking time

New thread.

>>10850124
>>10850124
>>10850124